'The Real Truth About Addiction"

Addiction isn't just about what you do-it's about what you're trying to survive. And if we're honest-some of us aren't addicted to substances, we're addicted to the escape.

Transcript

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Welcome back, you guys. Welcome, welcome, welcome. So glad you're here with us, and honestly speaking, alone together, a place where real conversations happen. Life isn't always neat, polished, or easy, and here we're not pretending that it is. This podcast is about faith, grief, healing, truth, and the moments that shape us. It's about speaking honestly about the struggles we face, the lessons we learn, and the hope we find along the way. Some conversations may challenge you, some may encourage you, and some may simply remind you that you are not alone. So take a deep breath, settle in, and let's talk about the things that matter the most. Hi, I'm Erin Sparks, and this is Honestly Speaking, Alone Together. So welcome back, you guys. I'm so glad that you are here. And you know, um, we are going to be talking about on this episode breaking chains, the truth about addiction and real freedom. And I personally know this struggle um because I um used to be an addict. Um, so we'll get into that a little bit later on, though. Want to give a uh quick talk about um this truth that's happening worldwide, and you know, and it's an epidemic that is in our world. So, you know, addiction isn't just about what you do, it's about what you're trying to survive. And, you know, if I'm honest, some of us are we aren't addicted to substances, we're addicted to the escape. And addiction can come in many different forms. Um, you know, just one of the most hurtful, hurtful ones are you know, drug addictions. But we have many, many, many other types of addictions. So addiction isn't always obvious, and healing isn't about it's not always easy either. In this episode, we're gonna talk honestly about the root of addiction, the cycles that keep us stuck, and the freedom that actually possible is possible through Jesus Christ. So you are not too far gone and you are not beyond healing, dear friend. This is a safe place where we're gonna tell the truth, even when it's uncomfortable, because healing lives in honesty. So today's conversation is gonna be real, it's gonna be raw, and it's something so many people are dealing with in silence. And what we are talking about? Addiction. So, addiction, you know, it isn't always just drugs or alcohol, like I stated before. Um, it can also look like overeating, um, toxic relationships, social media, um, pornography, shopping, avoidance, even staying busy so you don't have to feel anything. And addiction at its core is anything we run to instead of facing what's hurting us. And if I'm honest again, most addictions they don't they start as a way to cope. That's what everybody's looking for. They're looking for a way to cope. Not because you're weak, not because you're broken, but because something in you was hurting. There's a root. You know, an addiction will temporarily numb your pain, but multiply it in the long run. It isolates you, um, it can make you feel ashamed. Because I know I felt ashamed a lot of the times that I was on um drugs, and it can also keep you stuck in cycles that you don't like. And the hardest part, y'all, you can know it's hurting you and still feel like you can't stop. That's addiction, and that's the trap of addiction. So let's break it down a little bit more. Um, the cycles come from pain or triggers, you're trying to escape, and you go to the addictive behavior. Temporary relief. I've been there, it it seemingly takes away everything that's hurting you, but it's only temporary. Guilt and shame. And then these cycles repeat themselves. So every type, every time that cycle repeats itself, it tightens the chains. And it's like what I see is you're you're going deeper and deeper and deeper into it. So that's what happens with the cycles. And you know, we're gonna come from a biblical truth and point as well, because that's how I got clean. Um, I am nine years clean off of methamphetamine, uh, better known as crystal meth, crack cocaine, and cocaine. So the Bible says in John 8, 36 that who the Son sets free is free indeed. That's the truth. Not halfway free, not struggling forever free, free indeed. And that was actually one of my prayers to God was to take the desire away from me. Take the taste, take the desire, Lord. Please take this away from me. Um, Jesus didn't come just to forgive you. No, no, no. He came to deliver you. That's why we tend to call him Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. And addiction is not stronger than God. Let me put that out there. It's not because God has the power and the authority to bring us out. And let me tell you, your story is not over yet. If you're still struggling and you're listening to this episode, your struggle and your story is not over. So let's make a practical point towards healing and what it takes to move forward. Um, you have to acknowledge it without shame. I acknowledged mine. I knew that it was going to be a process on getting my kids back in my custody because they were taken as well. Um, and you have to acknowledge where you are. That's the first step. I had to acknowledge where I was and that it was not the place that God would have me in. And so then you have to identify the route because there is always a route when it comes to any type of addiction. What are you trying to escape? Pain, trauma, loneliness, rejection. And now we replace it. Don't just remove it. We got to replace it. Because if you only take away something, you'll go back. Because you need to fill that space with truth, community, and God. Because secrets keep us sick. So, do you have an accountability partner? That's what's next. Getting accountability. Healing doesn't happen in isolation. Now the devil gets louder when you're by yourself. So, who in your corner can you trust to be your accountability? And then, friends, give yourself grace, but stay committed. Falling doesn't mean failure, quitting does. So there are times out there that I know that some addicts they relapse. And that can be like I said, not just with drugs, with shopping, eating, all that. I'm gonna stop. I'm gonna stop. And then you go right back to it because either you're triggered or you just don't feel strong enough to resist the urge. But you can because God says in his word that all things are possible through Christ Jesus, so it can be done. So if you're listening right now and you feel stuck, I need you to hear me clearly. You are not disgusting, you are not too far gone, and you are not your addiction. You are someone who needs healing, and healing is available to you. So now I want to talk on understanding the addiction cycle because we have so many people. I've seen it before, you know, and it just hurts my heart because if you've never walked through it, you you don't understand. And, you know, especially with drugs, you know, I've heard I've seen the questions, why do they leave just they left their children? Why do they leave their children? They don't care about their children, or they can stop if they wanted to. They didn't have to get that first hit. All of those things, etc., I have heard. And the truth be told, I was broken. And so many other people are broken. They may have walked through molestation, rape, you know, just trauma in childhood. So we we can get comfortable by just judging people just from the chapter that we see them in, but we don't know what that person was going through, what is hurting them. And I can honestly say, for me, because I was so hurt from situations that had happened in my life, um, things that I had walked through, it was very easy for me to say yeah. And let me tell you, I used to watch the commercials about drugs and be like, that will never be me. And eventually it was. So now let's slow down with this because most people don't realize they're not just struggling, they're caught in a cycle. And cycles don't break with willpower alone, they break with awareness. So we have the triggers where it really starts. Every addiction has a starting point, just like I said, and it's usually not the habit itself. The drugs are just a symptom to what the root is, it's a trigger, and that trigger can be a memory, feeling lonely, stress, rejection, boredom, a situation, being alone, conflict late at night, and even a thought, I can't handle this. And so you go to something that you feel that's gonna bring you some relief, but all it does is it brings you temporary relief, and when you do come to, you'll realize that. They're addicted to relief from what they feel in that moment. The trigger isn't the problem, it's what it awakens inside of you. So this is where we run. We're trying to escape, not because we want to ruin our lives, um, but because you want the feeling to stop. So we can reach for the drink, scrolling, um, a person, the habit, or a distraction. And in that moment, it feels like control, like we're in control, we have it all figured out, but let me tell you, we don't. It's actually you have to actually surrender to the cycle. So here's why addiction is so powerful. Um, it works temporarily, though, and a lot of people don't realize that is that it only is a temporary fix because when you come to, like I said earlier, if it's shopping, if it's eating, it's only going to suffice temporarily. You can feel numb, calm, distracted, better for the moment, and your brain remembers that. So now it starts to believe your brain, this is how we survive. You know, and that's that is exactly how I felt. This is how I'm going to survive this hurt that I'm dealing with, the trauma that I'm dealing with, um, the things that don't nobody know about. This is how I am going to survive, and that's how addiction gets wired into your life. So after the moment passes, though, reality comes back, the crash. And so does guilt, shame, regret, disappointment. And you know, I know me, I started saying things like, Why did I do that again? I said I wouldn't go back. What is wrong with me? And here's where it gets dangerous, friend. Shame becomes fuel for the next cycle. But I encourage you to reach out. Um, I have a send send me a text at the um in the description. Send me a text if you are struggling, any kind of addiction, if you need my support and help, please reach out to me through text. And then we get to the repeat because shame fuels for the next cycle. Now you feel worse than before. And guess what? Your mind remembers I know something that will make this feeling go away. So you go back, and every time you repeat the cycle, that habit it gets stronger. The conviction, it gets quieter, and the shame gets heavier, and it just starts to really feel like this is just who I am. Like, why don't why change? This is working temporarily, but you know, in my case, it was so easy for me when the high left to just be like, okay, I gotta get it again because I got to get this, this, this tension, this trauma, this hurt. I've got to get it away again. And so that's what you do. You go right back. And then eventually, like I said, you just end up telling yourself, this is just who I am. And it's really not. It's really not. Hear me clearly. It's not who you are, it's what you've practiced. So we know the trauma, we know the hurt, we know the things that are going on inside of us, but the truth can set us free. And what's been practiced, I know I have practiced it, can be unlearned. Here I am, nine years clean this year, March 1st, 2016, was my day that I started my journey to sobriety. I am nine years clean. So here we go. We're gonna talk about how to break the cycle. You don't just break the cycle at the addiction, you break it at the trigger. Remember me saying um the drugs are just a solution. That is is it's a solution to a bigger problem. You break it at the trigger. What is triggering you? What am I feeling right before I fall? What time does this usually happen? And what am I trying not to deal with? Then what we need to replace the pattern with instead of trigger, escape, we're gonna build trigger, awareness, and then a different response. And I know if you're listening to me and you got you've got addictions going on in your life, I know that it's so easier said than done, but I promise you, I am opening the door to anybody who is struggling and needs help. Send me a text below in the description. So we got to look at numbing. Instead of numbing, let's pray honestly. God, he already knows y'all, but he desires for us to talk to him. Yes, and pray honestly, not perfectly. We can pray to God just how I'm talking right now. I know because I do it. The prayer does not have to be all fixed up, souped up. You just have to go to God honestly. And instead of isolating, text someone safe. Just like I've been giving you this, this, this reminder, there's a text button in my description. If you need me and you're struggling in addiction, I have walked through it. I know you are more than welcome to text me. And instead of scrolling, because let's be real, social media can be addictive too. Sit with the feeling and name it. It will feel uncomfortable at first, friend. Let me tell you, it's gonna feel uncomfortable because healing doesn't numb, it reveals, it reveals. So the spiritual truth to anchor all of this, the enemy works in cycles. Okay, the enemy is so crafty, he is he's gonna use the same things over and over and over, and a big part of him is lies. So the enemy works in cycles, but God works in transformation, where addiction says, You'll always be this way. And I've heard that so many times when I was stuck in addiction. But I want you to know that God says, Behold, I make all things new, and that's Revelation 21 and 5. So you have a lie, and then you have the truth. So if you've been blaming yourself, calling yourself weak, or wondering why you can't just stop, now you know it's deeper than behavior. But the good news is, friend, if you can identify the cycle, you can break, you begin to break the addiction. So I want you to really listen in and tune in. I'm gonna give you a real story, um, my testimony. Um, you know, I want to pause here because this isn't just something I, you know, read about or studied. This is something that I've lived. Um, I've personally walked through addiction to meth, crack co crack cocaine, and cane cocaine. And if I'm being honest, it did not start with drugs. It started with the pain that I was dealing with, it started with things I didn't know how to process. And it also started with trying to escape what I felt inside. You know, everything that I just described, that cycle, I lived it. I was hurt from childhood experiences and trauma. Um, when I got on up and older, I was married and divorced twice. Um, both of those marriages were abusive and infidelity was in there. And so I was completely broken, completely broken. Um, I felt nobody cared. Um, I felt that I had to pretty much do this on my own, even though I knew God. And that's why I say God wants us to come to him honestly. And I didn't go to him honestly, so the cycle kept repeating itself. Um, there were moments where something would trigger me and I'd feel overwhelmed. And instead of facing it, y'all, I ran right to the thing that I needed. And mine just not, it was not just um addiction to drugs, it was addictive to um attention seeking. Um, attention seeking is it was one of my big ones too. Uh people pleasing, um, scrolling the internet, you know, just all the time, you know, and then there was, you know, just also um, like I said, the the hurt from my marriages, you know, I just I couldn't come out of this. And there were times that um pornography seemed to to ease the pain as well, and none of this stuff sufficed. And took the place of God. So in the moment when I ran, you know, it it felt like relief. But it was not relief. I was going back through the cycle. But it also felt like I could breathe again. But once again, I was going back through a cycle. So what came after? Of course, like I told you up and up a way a little bit back, shame, regret, disappointed in myself. All of this took place in me. Telling myself I'm done. I'm not doing this again. And then boom, finally finding myself right back in it. And you know, the addiction was one thing, but the shame, y'all, that was louder. I used to go from door to door with people um asking for money. Um, I lived in my car um for a while. All of my possessions were in the car because at that time I had lost my children. Um, I had lost my place to live because the only thing that sufficed for me was to get high. And, you know, I just knew that this was going to be the only thing to help me numb what I was walking through. And it wasn't, it was actually making it worse. Um, it made me feel like I was just too far gone. Like this was just this is just who I am. And, you know, like I'd never be free. Those are some of the things that the enemy whispers to us. And that's the lie addiction wants you to believe that this right here, what you're in right now, is your identity, and it's not. And I need to say this for somebody listening. This there was something that I went through. The things that I went through, you know, it was not who I was, and it's not who you are either. So I want you to hear me again. What you went through is not who you are. Okay. So what began to break the cycle for me wasn't just trying harder. It was I had to face what I was running from. Yeah, I had to face it. I went to rehabs, three different rehabs, and then ended up going back to the last rehab that I left and ended up staying there nine months, like I said, and I'm nine years clean now. But we had to face what we were running from, and then letting God into those places that I kept hidden and realizing I didn't need to escape anymore because I could actually be healed. And God didn't just tell me to stop. No, He healed the reason I started. And you know, I want you to understand this freedom is real. And I'm not saying it was overnight because it definitely was not, but it was a process and a process that I walked through so that I could be free, get my children back, get my life back on track. And that's exactly what I did. Freedom is real, y'all. And I'm living proof that you can come out of myth addiction, crack cocaine, cocaine, shopping, whatever it is that eating, whatever it is that you are an addiction to, freedom is real. And you don't have to just survive. You can actually thrive because you will be free. So if you're listening now and you're stuck in something right now, I need you to hear me. If God did it for me, He can do it for you. You are not alone, you are not too far gone, you are not too deep in it, and this right now, in this moment, wherever you are, is not the end of your story. So now that we've talked about the cycle and you know, you've heard what it looks like in real life. Now let's talk about freedom. Freedom. Let's talk about how to get free. You know, I look at the shift that I was in. You know, I wasn't addicted because I was weak. I was addicted because I was hurting. And when I finally let God into those broken places, he didn't just tell me to stop y'all. He healed what I was trying to escape. That's why it's so vitally important to take it to the Lord and let him know. Be honest, if you even if you don't know, because there are some times that we will try to suppress. It's just trying to suppress what we've walked through. And that is a part of the enemy as well. He wants us to suppress it so deep that we don't remember. But there are times that I had to ask God, Lord, I need you to show me, bring up, reveal to me what is the pain that I'm trying to numb and hide. Because honestly, I had forgotten, I had suppressed it. And I want to tell you and give you a testimony. When I prayed that honest prayer, God showed me what was my trigger. He showed me. God did not give up on me, and he's not gonna give up on you either. So just remember that. You just have to trust him, you have to believe in him because he said the truth will set you free. Freedom is not a fantasy, y'all. I can tell you that honestly. I am married, me and my husband were codependent when we were on drugs, but we are both now free, completely free. Um, you got to remember it's a process and it's a decision, and it's a daily surrender, but it is possible. So I'm gonna say a prayer for you guys, and I pray that you listen to this prayer with your spirit. Father God, we bring every hidden struggle into your light right now, every addiction, every secret battle, every place we feel weak. Lord, we ask for your strength for we have none. Your healing where we are broken. Thank you, Lord, and your freedom where we feel stuck. Break every chain, God. Renew every mind, God, and remind us, Father, that we are not alone. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen. Amen. Amen. So if this episode spoke to you, don't keep it to yourself. Share it with someone who might be struggling too. And remember, you may feel alone, but you're not alone here. So thank you for tuning in to honestly speaking, alone together. I am your host, Aaron Sparks, and we will see you next time.