Cultural Connections

Episode 9 | "We Will Not Get Angry at God" | Joy Lewis on Grief & Faith

• Calvary Baptist Church • Season 1 • Episode 9

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0:00 | 49:24

In this powerful episode, Joy Lewis opens up about her journey through deep loss and unwavering faith. After losing her husband of 28 years, **Pastor Shane Lewis**, to leukemia in 2020, Joy shares how she and her family chose to trust God even in their darkest moments.

Shane was a beloved pastor and powerful preacher whose ministry was tremendously blessed by God. He had a special gift with people and was known for his deep integrity and genuine love for others. On Father’s Day morning in 2020, he went home to be with the Lord.

Joy also shares about her own battle with breast cancer just five months after losing Shane, raising five children through tragedy, and how her personal walk with the Lord became her greatest source of strength.

We also include a powerful 5-minute excerpt from **Dr. Shane Lewis** on the grace of God.

Whether you're walking through grief yourself or want to better support someone who is, this conversation is filled with wisdom, honesty, and real hope.

⏱️ Timestamps:
00:00 - Introduction
04:17 - Shane’s diagnosis and powerful response
05:04 - “We will not get angry at God”
14:22 - What not to say to someone grieving
19:52 - “You’re not alone”
22:15 - The most important thing for healing
28:01 - “Shane’s race was complete, but mine isn’t”
33:50 - Powerful excerpt from Dr. Shane Lewis

Connect with Joy:
🌐 onlygodministries.org
📘 Facebook: shane-joylewis

Clip from "Rejoice in the Lord" featuring Dr. Shane Lewis  
Original Video: https://youtu.be/UcUrhQHJQIk

If this encouraged you, like, comment, and subscribe for more conversations that point people to hope.

#Grief #Faith #ChristianInterview #HopeAfterLoss #PastorsWife #GriefShare #OnlyGodMinistries

SPEAKER_00

Welcome back to Cultural Connections. And Marina are joined today by a great friend, Joy Lewis. Joy, thank you for being on the show.

SPEAKER_01

Sure.

SPEAKER_00

How do you like Florida?

SPEAKER_01

It's nice. I like it.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, she's been here the last two weekends. We've been trying to get her in the uh in the studio. Joy is with Only God Ministries and uh Hope Retreats. Uh it's a ministry to pastors' wives. And I know you had the opportunity to be at a retreat uh last weekend.

SPEAKER_02

This weekend. Very good. It was it was a huge blessing. So I guess I can just go ahead and put in my spiel for that now. That if you know a pastor's wife, or maybe you are a pastor's wife, then um maybe you don't even realize you need encouragement. I encourage you that you do need this. And we had a great time. And look her up, Hope Retreats, Only God Ministries, and she does these all over the country. Um, and they're great.

SPEAKER_00

Hope is a big word. Um hope is a word that doesn't mean in our world today what the Holy Spirit meant by hope when it's found so often in the scriptures. There is a need for what someone called a vital optimism, the hope that the best days of your life are ahead of you. You can't live without hope. And I that's why I like that word. You can live days without water, you can live days without food, um, you can live in isolation for a period of days, but you can't live one second without hope. And I know hope became a huge part of uh your ministry and your husband's ministry as well. So we kind of want to just go ahead and uh take off on our journey here of we're gonna talk about grief today. Tell us about Shane, tell us about his ministry and uh what kind of brings us here today.

SPEAKER_01

Well, Shane, um, we were married for 28 years and he was a pastor and um had a wonderful ministry journey. God just blessed tremendously. Um he was a wonderful preacher, very good preacher, um but a very good pastor. And that's a rare guy. You don't always get both. And he was um he was uh a friend to anyone and everyone. He had a special gift with people and just cared about people. He he would see the hurting ones and um just um just had a very special heart for people. A lot of fun, a little crazy. He was a great man, but uh I think the greatest one of the greatest things is just a man of integrity um all throughout his life. Um since he passed away six years ago, I've gone through every you know, iPad, phone, computer, coat pocket, whatever. And um it's just really cool to say that I haven't found anything that has disappointed me or surprised me.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

So he was a very godly man.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. I met Shane um a few times. Um most memorable, we were in Israel together, and uh Shane had the uh dubious distinction of having his luggage lost in in Tel Aviv, and he had on a burnt orange Columbia fishing shirt that that he faithfully washed at the hotel for days.

SPEAKER_01

Yes.

SPEAKER_00

Well, the whole the whole trip actually, I think he got his luggage back the day we were heading to the airport. Oh goodness. Um we were in the Dead Sea together, um, and I I remember having a very encouraging conversation uh along the lines of what you were saying, uh, in the Istanbul airport. Uh he and Josh Grubbs were there, and that's the first first time I I kind of saw Shane Lewis. I'd seen him publicly as a conference speaker and and a well-known person, but uh I enjoyed my time with him, and I feel like um talking to you helps me get to know him, and so that's I enjoy these conversations. So you say six years ago he passed away. Um we can talk as much or as a little bit about maybe the circumstances of his passing. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01

So he uh was diagnosed with leukemia in 2017 and was um in and out of remission a couple times, and um in 2020 her had a bone marrow transplant in January. We thought he was cured, we thought everything was good, um, everything was testing clear. Came home in April, and then 10 days later um found out was back. And at this point, there's really there really wasn't much more to try. There was a clinical trial that we got in, but he didn't make it through the that process. So on Father's Day morning 2020, um, he went to see the Heavenly Father. And um, you know, it was it was obviously such a hard thing, and that that day uh is a hard day, but it's pretty neat to think that he got to see his heavenly father on Father's Day. So yeah, we were still even though he was very sick, it was still a shock, very much so. We weren't we weren't expecting it.

SPEAKER_00

So you were talking um yesterday about maybe you could tell us about your family situation, how many children you have. Um how did they respond to that um grief process? Obviously, Father's Day would would always be difficult, so there's probably um a silver lining on that cloud as well. But tell tell us about your kids.

SPEAKER_01

So we have five kids. Um Whitney's the oldest, and she's married to Johnny, and they have two boys, and then Zach is next, and then Christian, and then Autumn and Reagan, and so they range from 19 years to 30 years old. And um the oldest three are in full-time ministry, and the youngest two are at Pensacola preparing for ministry. Um, God has given them grace beyond measure. Um, it's amazing. One thing that I learned um, and I am continuing to learn is that um even before Shane got sick or anything, one thing I learned in ministry with my kids is that what God put in my life or Shane's life, he also placed individually in their lives. And so he's not just gonna leave it up to me to help them through that, though I do that as a mom, but he's gonna help them through it. And um, so they've been very resilient. They all, I mean, because of their own personal walk with the Lord, um, it had to be real at that point, you know.

SPEAKER_02

So I was trying to do some of the math in my own head.

SPEAKER_01

So what were the age of your children or the ages of your children when maybe Shane was first diagnosed with the when he was diagnosed, uh Reagan would have been, I believe, 11. And Autumn would have been 13. So then the older ones, the older ones, uh Christian was a freshman in college, Zach was a junior, Whitney was a senior. Okay, and she was also getting married in like seven months. So it hit at a really um hard time for her.

SPEAKER_02

That's exactly where like we're at. We have um two of our children are in college, two are at home. So just kind of the stage that we're in. It's it's a it's a hard stage to to juggle just naturally to think something like that was placed in it. Yeah. But I like the word you use, resilient. Um children are resilient, but this is something that breaks a lot of people, especially um their view of God when they see someone suffering.

SPEAKER_01

You know, my husband really set the stage for our response and their response in that um when he was diagnosed, the we weren't expecting anything like this. He was having a heart calf. We were on the cardiac floor. Um, the doctor came back in and said, you know, they've looked at your blood work and you have leukemia. Just oh wow, just like that. So complete shock. We were getting ready. We thought we were getting ready to go home. We ended up with a seven-week stay there at the beginning. And but the first words out of his mouth after the doctor left the room, he looked at me and he said, We will not get angry at God. And I it just like set the tone. Um, he said the same thing to my kids once they arrived. And the second thing he did, we were not in a private room, we were just there for a heart calf. So there was the man on the other side of the curtain. And um, he just pulled it back just enough to see his face. They had been talking throughout the day. And the next the second thing he did was witness to that man. And so those two things in those earliest moments, just this is what we're doing. We're not changing who we are, what we do, why we do it, or your purpose.

SPEAKER_00

I love that.

SPEAKER_01

Right. So that helped the kids, and he was so real. Uh and I think that is one of the biggest things with my kids that helped them in in all areas growing up and and now in their you know, adult lives, but he was just real. You know, there was no he was the same in the pulpit as he was at home, as he was at the ball game, as he, you know, wherever.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. That's such a recurring theme that we get in talking to people is uh an authentic life. I was uh teaching through Job, not through Job, I was teaching in Job last week. Job has a really amazing exclamation at the beginning of his trials as well, when he says, uh, the Lord giveth and the Lord hath taken away. His wife doesn't have the same response. But within fairly quick order, Job begins to vindicate himself. He eventually says he curses the day of his birth. But I think it's the first thing he says that's closest to his heart. And I said to the class I was teaching, Job's wife kind of gets a bad rap of everything that she had lost. I think she was handling grief differently than he was. But Job's early exclamation does really set a tone for the book. It's not that he's on a trajectory towards gratitude, it's that he's immediately grateful and he meanders through grief until he gets to that place where he can he can again be happy in God. So Shane just says, We're not gonna we're not gonna be angry at God, and as a that might be his finest moment of leadership.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, and and the more I look back on it, even now, I'm like, wow, like our ministry was we were at the I mean, everything was growing and thriving and family, all of it like almost fairy tale-ish. And here in this moment where I'm supposed to just be getting a heart calf, maybe a stent, worst case scenario, open heart surgery, but no leukemia and um 40% chance that he would still be alive in five years. We knew that from day one. So for him to say that in that moment, I still look back on it, I'm like, wow, that really was incredible, and it helps me, it keeps me going, doing what I'm doing.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Well, I love what you're doing, and you're you're really paying it forward and you're preparing the way for others going through those difficulties. Um, I wanted to ask, um, you were kind of you were in Maurice Seat at one point as a pastor's wife. What do you know now about grief that you might not have known? I asked this one at lunch, so I'm sorry if it's not in our words. But you said it was okay.

SPEAKER_01

It's okay.

SPEAKER_00

Um what welcome to cultural connections.

SPEAKER_02

He might have a little story, but it actually means nothing. Just so I understand. I get it.

SPEAKER_00

But I I'd like to know what do you know now that you didn't know and and years of helping people?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, um I would say that I probably said a lot of things with good intentions that probably weren't the right things to say, maybe. I think um and really until you go through it, there's no way to really understand how people feel. And so I always give through my journey, I've given a lot of grace to a lot of people who I knew were very well-intentioned, and they just say things that you know just kind of hit the wrong way. Um, but I guess I would tell my younger self to not even worry about saying much at all. Just be there, just listen, just drop the meal off. Don't ask if they need it, just do it. Because they're they're so overwhelmed, you're so overwhelmed, you can't you don't even know what you need most of the time, on those, especially in the early parts. So just take initiative and um do something not intrusive, but hey, I left something on your porch or or whatever. But to not put the pressure on myself to have to say the right things and all of that, but just pray for them, listen to them, and do little acts of helpfulness along the way.

SPEAKER_02

I like how you described how people would drop it off because I think sometimes we're a little, you know, maybe I found the person who's not grieving, but I'm trying to help someone who's grieving. We're we're afraid to be intrusive. Like we're afraid to like I maybe they want space.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Um, but I like how you said just drop it off the door, then shoot the text. Hey, there's food at your door.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, so they don't have any pressure to feel like they have to have a conversation or have their house clean or whatever. Um, that's probably what I would tell myself.

SPEAKER_02

So, what are maybe some things that maybe people were well intentioned, but maybe things that weren't so helpful? What are some things that we should avoid doing or saying?

SPEAKER_01

Um some of the things that um this is gonna sound very elementary, really, but like, and you wouldn't I would have never thought of this before. But um, some of the things that are har were difficult, um, and then I in time if we can, I can share some of the things that were helpful. But no, both would be great. But avoiding too many cliche phrases, and I say cliche, they're truth, but we hear it so much, you know. God has a plan, God knew, you know, all these very spiritual truths, but you're hearing them like all the time, and um, of course, scripture is powerful, so scripture is always, you know, a good yeah, scripture, but like a lot of times people would just say things, you know, oh, he's in a better place, he's all these things that you hear, and you're just like, you know, they just hit yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I mean, not that they're not true, they're just not helpful in the moment.

SPEAKER_01

Exactly, yeah. So those things were hard, things they already know, things they've already heard, like a lot of times. Another one that was hard, um, is just the question, how are you doing? Oh my goodness, how many days do you have for me to try to explain how I'm doing, you know? Um, that was a very especially when we were in the hospital. So this would be, you know, obviously before he passed away, but you know, a text, how are you doing? And I just remember feeling like oh, like I can't answer another, how am I doing? Um the answer's so long, it's so much, it's so deep, it's I'm tired. And so it would, it's better to just say thinking about you today and praying, or just something like that, instead of asking for information, yeah. Just you know, statements of care and concern are are better. Um, a lot of people, um, we already referenced this a little bit, but like instead of asking, what do you need? What can I do? Well intentioned, but I don't know. I mean, those early days, I'm just like, I I don't know. Like, I'm so overwhelmed. Like, and so those things of just bringing, just just taking the kids, just saying, hey, I'll pick them up from school today, or I'll whatever the situation would be. Um, but just taking initiative um to do things like that. Um one thing is one thing that was hard is when people always kept the conversation about the loss or the trauma or the you know, let's talk about something else. Let's talk about football. Let's talk about my kids or my dogs or whatever, you know. Um, it seems like you become so in sometimes again, all of this is well-intentioned, but you become marked by you know what you're going through, and that's your identity, and that's what all people know how to talk about. And sometimes they just want to feel normal, talk about normal things.

SPEAKER_02

Um I think it's good for them to hear it's okay to do that too. I because I think on the flip side of it, people are like, well, I can't talk about that because maybe that makes me feel insensitive to them.

SPEAKER_01

If I'm not exactly yeah, and I'm concerned.

SPEAKER_02

I mean, I get that because before this I would have right, because that's how you would naturally think, Oh, that might be insensitive for me to bring up a football game. Exactly. What I'm hearing you say, and I think is helpful for you know people who maybe are on the other end, is just try to be as normal as possible.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, and another thing um that these are positive things, um, just you're not alone. You feel so alone, and um you can have a house full of people and kids and chaos and all of that and still feel very alone.

SPEAKER_06

For sure.

SPEAKER_01

But someone just saying, I just want you to know you're not alone and to mean it and to know that you know that person is there and walking with you. Another one that I loved was stories about Shane because a lot of times people are like, Oh, we can't talk about him because it's gonna make her sad. No, talk about him. I want to hear about him, I want to hear all the crazy stuff he did. I want to hear how he influenced your life, the the difference he made. I want to hear the your your favorite sermon that he preached. I want to hear all of it because I want to hear about him.

SPEAKER_06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And so that was very helpful when people would would share. Um, so yeah, those are I think most of the things that um and then doing anything that takes their mind off the loss is another one I had here. Just, you know, hey, let's go get our nails done.

SPEAKER_06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And then when you go get your nails done, don't sit and talk about all the things, you know. Talk about, oh, what fun color are you doing today? Or, you know, whatever. Um, but those are just things that I learned and now I try to implement, you know, um, in dealing with others going through grief.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, that's so helpful. So you've kind of helped us see it from uh the perspective of someone, man, I want to be there for you, Joy. I I I want to do something, I don't want to say the wrong thing, I don't want to do the wrong thing, I want to do something positive. Tell us about your journey though. Um what are some things in terms of uh you were obviously going through a huge transition in your life, and no doubt some decisions. that that you need to make that you needed to make. Maybe some advice for someone who's beginning this journey. I know you're you're part of Grief Share, which is a really great kind of local church program. And you went through that and now you're teaching it and encouraging others along the way. What did you learn as the person who was having to face this head on that you can help us with?

SPEAKER_01

Well um I have several things that helped me. Number one by far was getting back to the basics of what I believe. Do I believe it? Is God is this real? Because I know that sounds like bad to even say I guess so but for sure but it takes you this kind of loss and I and I was diagnosed with breast cancer five months later too add that in it was like you know another level.

SPEAKER_06

Wow.

SPEAKER_01

So um I got to the point of like I guess you want to call it rock bottom like you know I and so it took me to the very core of my faith the very like is it real or is it not and um back to the basics of things about God. Very simple I mean I'm not talking about deep I mean I guess it is deep when you want to go deep but he's either good or he's not he's either faithful or he's not he's either sovereign or he's not he has a plan or he doesn't he either loves me or he doesn't like there's no there's no in between and I either believe all these things or I don't and he you know this is God's best for my life or it's not that's hard. How could these how could this be the best thing comes down to faith and trust and a why in the road and for me it was it's a choice much like you have to some days choose to love each other because maybe you're not feeling it as much that day same kind of thing is I'm choosing to believe what the Bible says and who God is and what my relationship with him means and how um I gain strength from that and all of those things um but I did I had to come to that point where I chose okay it's real yeah I'm hurting I am so broken I am so messed up but it's real and I know he's gonna get me through it.

SPEAKER_02

So it sounds like in spite of even what you're feeling yeah you have to to decide I'm gonna believe truth.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah because you're not feeling it. Right exactly staying in the Bible in prayer more um a big one was gratitude um being grateful for what I had but what I still have and we forget that sometimes we focus so much on what we lost and I lost so much in losing Shane but and then there were secondary losses you know sure I loved being a pastor's wife it has its moments but you wouldn't say but I loved it I loved it and um you know having eventually the Lord leading me away from the church that we had been at for a long time and and I loved and and and then my cancer and all of that. So there were secondary things that um I had I learned to be very grateful for what I still had even in the midst of multiple losses. Reaching out and taking the focus off myself helped tremendously starting Only God Ministries was five months after Shane passed away it was the month that we had our first hope retreat and in November and then three weeks later I was diagnosed um but I know that the Lord gave me that because he knew one of the best things I could be doing to even for therapeutic for for therapy for myself was to still be in ministry and still be reaching out and still be trying to help other people. So um another one is community we want to hibernate we want to isolate that's what we think we need and we do need that in in moments but if we do that all the time it's just the worst thing you know um I already mentioned doing things that feel normal it's kind of funny um the first marriage retreat at our church after Shane's passing a good friend of ours Pastor Steve Taylor was the interim pastor and um he kind of understood how I was wired with ministry and stuff and he came to me and he said he said I don't want this to be you know offensive or make you sad or anything but I have to say it he said if you if you want to come to the marriage retreat and just help with stuff you're welcome to come and now for some people that might have been like the worst thing and they couldn't have done it but for me I was like you know I get to go I get to be a part and it was funny because my son who's single was there doing the music so we were kind of there together but um got to play the piano and decorate and help with games and whatever and it felt normal. Well how could it feel normal without a husband there with you it just did and it was it was good it was better for me to to do that to go there and do that than to stay at home alone and um so that's just an example um another thing that the Lord really taught me is that Shane's race was complete but mine isn't for whatever reason I always say he lived so passionately and he lived in the fast lane so much that he just got there faster after than the rest of us are we trying to catch up with him but um his race was complete and God still has stuff for me to do.

SPEAKER_00

For sure so interesting I was listening to your list and maybe outside of the the last one or two those really are just Christian life principles. And it's it's not to demean them in that moment it's to really say if they won't bear you up when you really need them there's no power in them. Exactly so the way to know how to live is to know how to die and I think that's the connection the Holy Spirit makes if you know how to if you know how to finish the race and know how to overcome that gives you light for the journey and I think that's where people are they don't know how to live and the reason they don't know how to live they don't know Christ and they don't they don't know how to die. And some people don't die gracefully but Paul says um death is the last gift that God ultimately gives us it is a gift. Nobody wants to open it I don't I don't think I mean if if we said you know if I preach in church and I say we're going to heaven well I don't think a hundred percent of the people in the church want to go that night. I said the bus is leaving after church tonight. But the knowledge of Christ helps us live our lives and that's kind of what you're showing us.

SPEAKER_01

Yes and I remember vividly this moment probably 15 16 years ago um where Shane and I don't know what caused him to say it I don't know where it came from but he said we were just in our room talking and like I said our life was very blessed it was very good it was very happy and he said Joy one day there's gonna be some kind of tragedy happen and it's gonna shake us to the core to the root of our faith and we need to live in such a way now that we're ready when it comes this was a good probably seven to eight years before he was diagnosed and I just thought that was so cool that God had put in our hearts hey you don't wait till you're in that moment to oh wait now I gotta figure out how to walk with the Lord you know you're you're just walking with him. And so when those things come you're already where you need to be I mean we can always do better and we can always grow closer to him but that's where we need to walk that's where we need to stay I was thinking um I I can't even imagine I know you kind of said it in passing but I already knew that you had been um diagnosed with with breast cancer just months after he passed away but what was that like in your home or telling your children how what was that process like I I can't even I'm thinking through that they lost their father and now they might lose their their mother so yeah it was um so I had already had to tell them their dad had cancer and then their dad's cancer was back and then it was back another time and then he passed away I had already had to tell them all these things and I think that was one of the hardest things about my diagnosis was my concern for them because I knew that even if God healed me and thankfully you know five I'm five years out and just had clear scans so praise the Lord for that but um I knew that even if God ended up healing me and everything was fine I knew where their mind was gonna go immediately. They just lost their dad five months earlier most naturally and um so I I there's no other way to tell somebody something like that than to just tell them. Like I mean there there's no really good way. And I just prayed that God would give them what they need in that moment. Because I can't as their mom I I couldn't like I you know but I knew that he could I knew that he could give them the grace the thoughts the all of it like he could he could he knew what they needed he knew how to get them through it and he had the power to give that to them so it was really just like okay Lord here like I don't know what to do with this um but it has to happen you know they have to know and it was amazing um the kids have been amazing um all through the journey just being surrendered to God's plan in their life whatever that looks like um I've been amazed yeah because I guess I would expect Shane and I after you know we were 50 when he was diagnosed so okay you know expect us to be in a spiritually mature place to be able to you know kind of handle it um but to see them from 11 years old you know and up handle all of this you know and so many waves of it um has been incredible in how their hearts um it was funny I was on a plane a few weeks back and the pilot came on and declared an emergency he said we had to declare an emergency something was messed up on the plane I I don't know what the part was called I can't remember but it was something important part yes something very important that something that helps you stop like in the right amount of time or something he said but the good news is we're um we were landing in Dallas and he said but the good news is the runways are extra long there so we're like oh great but everything's better in Texas even the runway is good the reason I'm telling you this is um I was like of course I you know panicking and like what in the world and started praying but I thought about my kids of course was the main thing that I was thinking about because I thought something happens to me I'm gonna go see Jesus I'm gonna go see Shane you know um but even though I was very scared I thought I needed to text my kids and I texted my kids and I said um I told him I said the pilot just came on declared some kind of emergency um if something happens keep serving Jesus and I thought that's the message that's that's what they've learned from their dad that's what they've done over the last six years they've just kept serving Jesus and kept a tender heart towards the Lord um and I think um like I said earlier it's their individual walk with the Lord it's nothing I can do there's nothing anybody can do for them they have had to choose to live surrendered to the Lord and loving the Lord and determined to keep serving the Lord no matter what thankfully my plane was Atlante fine they were like mom I was like well you never know what do I want my last words to be yeah they could that could have been my last words to my kids yeah but you you were already shown in a in a beautiful way how to die gracefully and I think Shane showed you that and you were and you were ready your children were ready for it too yeah but it's just it's to me as a mom you know my my mom's heart really connects with that that I'm fine I can go yeah but what about the kids? Exactly and it's funny um it's kind of on a different note God has given us this incredible and sometimes strange sense of humor that has gotten us through some of our darkest moments.

SPEAKER_02

I think all pastors family and lifetime surprised dark humor started long before cancer.

SPEAKER_01

We were definitely talking about our family group chat if anyone ever sees it or yours is linked and it's such a blessing you know this week we're all gonna be together for really just Thursday to Saturday for autumn's graduation and I I just I'm so excited and that part of it is one of the biggest parts do we get together and just we're just sad because dad's not here it is sad. There's always an empty chair there always will be but we have the best time and there's joy and laughter and chaos and it's just God gives you that gift and um sometimes in the strangest moments I mentioned it in the hospital room we we actually it sounds so weird but we have really fun memories from from the hospital. Shane's room was like a place people want it to be like we would have football parties in there watch football games and like all the nurses would come in and eat our food and like you know um you know life is a lot what you like God helps you make it yeah but you just have to determine you know you're gonna make the best of it but but laughter has definitely been a part of all of this and helping get us through yeah so I mean scripture tells us that it's it's good like a medicine. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Um it makes me think of a I mean a very common quote but we can cry because it's over or we can smile because it happened. Exactly and I think I mean I hear so much and even when you talk about your kids going to this graduation soon you know you have things to smile and talk about because it happened.

SPEAKER_01

Exactly exactly and our family is very close. I mean the efforts that all the kids make we're all over the country so the efforts that all the kids make to be at the special days for everybody is incredible. Yeah and that's something that Shane really instilled in them. So I always think about that more altogether you know he'd be very proud of that and very happy. Well we have a short runway so I'm gonna ask a really easy question as we kind of land the plane is there a first step for someone just entering this process that we talk about stages of grief is there a is there a first base so to speak that we can point our listeners to um I would say your spiritual walk personal walk with the Lord is what you can have all the friends you can have all the the church and and that's definitely all that's part of the healing and growing and getting through um you can have family you can have money you can have all that but your personal walk with the Lord is what's gonna get you through and so many times I think people try to start with the other things you know my family is gonna be my biggest help or my church or my or you know I'm financially stable so I'm good or you know whatever um it's that personal walk. So getting back to that making sure that's that's great where it needs to be making sure that you have you're you've made that the correct choice that that why um and um just understanding that one thing I understood early on the Lord brought to my mind in those early days um so overwhelmed like all of us Shane was a very strong leader very strong leader in our home so there all of a sudden all this responsibility is on me and financial you know and kids and all of all of it and very overwhelmed how am I gonna do all this how am I gonna make decisions how am I gonna do this and that without him and um I just remember the Lord putting it in my heart in my mind that it wasn't Shane all along God was using Shane to take care of me and my kids our family but ultimately it wasn't Shane it was God all along and when I realized when the Lord brought that to my mind it was like like okay well he hasn't gone anywhere and he's not going anywhere. Yeah and um that thought really just has helped me in so many so many moments along the way and then I was I would encourage them in time to get into a group the one the group that I'm familiar with is the grief share group classes. Very good very solid very helpful um uh in the beginning I didn't know that I needed that but now I would recommend it to everyone yeah yeah and God is using you to to lead those now right yes so we we have those at our church and we're on our third third round with the classes 13 weeks so we do it in the spring and in the fall and we're just wrapping up our third round with that class so it's been really good which has led to other growth things for these people like yeah not just in their grief but in overall in their walk with the Lord.

SPEAKER_00

Awesome so well we have a tradition on the show um my wife gets the last word so you want to land the plane sure I'll land it in a Florida landing style.

SPEAKER_02

So So I I I I really was just thinking about what you said as far as your personal walk with the Lord is is really what is the most important. And I was thinking about why that is so important. And your emotions are gonna, they're gonna lie to you. They're gonna tell you that there is no more hope. And they're gonna lie to you and tell you, yeah, God's not good. Because if he were good, this would not have happened. And it's so important to have truth instill in your heart for those moments for when you come to that why, like you talked about, that you had truth to speak back to your emotions that were lying to you in that moment. And I think that's just so very powerful that we just I mean, it's it's simple, it's what we tell children hide God's word in your heart. But it's in in these moments like this that it's so important that we have God's word hidden in our heart to help you to make that right choice in the book and the road.

SPEAKER_00

How do people connect with you, find you?

SPEAKER_01

Um, I have a website, only godministries.org. They can communicate through there um through email. Um, and then I have a Facebook page. It's still just my personal page for now. We're working on all this, but it's Shane-Joy Lewis on Facebook. And so love that.

SPEAKER_00

Well, thank you for coming and talking to us today. I know this conversation is going to help a lot of people, and if we can be an encouragement to you here at Calvary Baptist Church, we would love to do that. May the Lord's peace and grace be upon you, uh, whatever stage of grief that you are facing today, or encouraging someone to face today. Let's apply uh the truths we learned today and to be a real army of compassion as um as we serve those. Spurgeon said, if you if you preach to the afflicted, um you'll never run out of people to minister to. There's a lot of people out here to minister to, and I think we've really been equipped to do that today. So God bless you. We'll see you next time on Cultural Connections. Hope you have a wonderful day.