Family: The Most Powerful Influence on Who You Become

In Episode 3 of The Missing Peace, Brooke Benevento and Danielle Griffiths continue their series on social heredity — this time exploring the most influential force of all: family.

Danielle takes us back to the founding of America with the concept of Republican Motherhood — how the founding fathers saw mothers as the moral backbone of a functioning republic. From there, they trace how the role of women and families evolved through the Roaring Twenties, World War II, and into the modern era.

Brooke shares her belief that the woman is the heart of the home — and how finding inner peace transformed her entire family dynamic. Together, they discuss Napoleon Hill's Mastermind concept applied to partnerships, why choosing your partner is the most important decision you'll ever make, and how your children are constantly modeling your behavior.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• What "Republican Motherhood" was and why it mattered to America's founding fathers
• How the role of women transformed from the 1920s through today
• Why the woman sets the emotional tone of the household
• Napoleon Hill's Mastermind concept applied to partnerships and marriage
• Why choosing your partner is the most important decision you'll make
• How children model their parents — even into adulthood
• The importance of self-love before building a family
• Why putting yourself first isn't selfish — it's necessary

Resources mentioned:

• We Should All Be Millionaires by Rachel Rodgers
• The Mastermind concept from Napoleon Hill
• Peace and Prosperity Institute

Connect with us:

• Instagram: @the.missing.peace.pod
• TikTok: @the.missing.peace8
• Email: themissingpeace26@gmail.com

Have a topic you want us to cover? Want to be a guest? Reach out — we'd love to hear from you!

New episodes dropping regularly. Subscribe so you don't miss the next one.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I truly believe that the woman is the heart of the home. And she is the one that sets the tone and allows the family to mainly to be at peace. That is her almost almost that's her power. I am Burke Benevento with my co-host, Danielle Griffiths. Today we are today we are continuing our conversation on social heredity. If you have not watched episode one and two, go back and listen so that all of this will connect for you. All right. So let's recap just a little bit because if you haven't watched episode one and two, you might be a little confused about what social heredity is. So let's go over that a little bit. Social heredity basically is everything that you've been exposed to growing up. This is your environment that you were raised in. What we've come to find is that there are four main influences of social heredity. That is media, which was episode one. Episode two was religion. Now episode three is on family. And we will have episode four will be on school, the school system. So uh we want to really emphasize on this podcast that this, the family, is often the most influential part of social heredity. We want to remember that if we do not know why we are the way we are, we cannot change how we are or transform how we are and ultimately create peace in our life. So this is really the foundation of figuring out, okay, who am I and where am I going with this? Social heredity can be changed. So don't worry. If you're like, well, I was raised like this, am I gonna stay like this forever? Well, no, you can change it. Uh, so no worries. So we're here to help you with that. Uh, I wanted to start off today really talking to Danielle about the republic of motherhood, that's something that she had told me about, which I had no clue about, uh, because I am not a history buff like she is. And uh so I really, Danielle, can you really talk about that kind of how back in the 18th century mother, how motherhood like was, or what was I, I guess, expected of mothers. Um, tell us more about that.

SPEAKER_01 2:43

Right. So when our founding fathers were establishing our constitutional republic um in the late 1700s, the late 18th century, same thing. Um, they were really concerned about civic virtue, especially when it came to mothers. And in fact, I know a lot of people are probably uh familiar with Abigail Adams telling her husband John Adams, who was our second president and one of the founding fathers, you know, remember the ladies. And that was purposeful because civic virtue was the responsibility of the mother. And so this concept of republican motherhood was just that that if we're gonna have a nation that's gonna work, a constitutional republic that's going to function and protect the rights of everyone, not just whoever is in power, which is the case in a lot of countries, we need to have a system where citizens are being raised, not just with education in whatever form then or now, but by their first teachers, which are going to be their parents. And so this concept of Republican motherhood was that women had a very important job to raise young sons and daughters to be good citizens, to be good moral people. And um, I think that, you know, we we still feel that obviously the the role of a mother in the 21st century is significantly different than it was back then. But even in our early years, our republic, our founding fathers were very mindful of the uh concept that mothers had to um be that that moral guide for their children and and teach them how to how to be good people.

SPEAKER_00 4:31

Yeah, and I love that. And you know, I think that we've can we go more now into now understanding that, can we go more now into tell me more about like the 1920s? Like how has somewhat of not only motherhood, but like the families evolved? And like what were some maybe some major shifts or events that might have happened maybe in that time frame?

SPEAKER_01 4:57

Sure. So women are going to go through tremendous change in the 1920s. I think that the 1920s were probably one of the most pivotal decades, not just for women, but in general. You have uh the end of World War I in 1918 is going to create a lot of chaos. A lot of people went through something called disillusionment. They thought war was gonna be something, it ended up being something else. So the 1920s are nicknamed the Roaring 20s for various reasons. One of them is gonna be because alcohol is illegal because of prohibition and the temperance movement. But when it comes to the family and women in particular, before the 1920s, women were the ideal woman was called the Gibson girl. She wore, you know, clothes up to here, to the ground, had long flowing hair that would usually be pinned up, very Anne of Green Gables, which I loved when I was younger. And in the 20s, that's all gonna change. The uh women are gonna get uh suffrage or the right to vote with the 19th Amendment in the 1920s, and everything's gonna change. Women start cutting their hair, they start wearing, you know, more flapper attire, they start going to clubs and drinking and smoking and doing things that previously were considered very immoral for women. But I think that was part of the liberation. But in that sense, it's gonna change how women are educated. As the decades go on, women start to go to college to hire um higher education. Uh, after World War II, more women are gonna be in the workforce, uh, first as secretaries, uh, later, you know, everywhere. Um it's gonna change a lot. And I mean, we could talk about how in the 1950s you have the post-World War II uh era of conformity where you have the cookie cutter houses. I remember Edward Scissorhands, the movie always has that famous uh scene where everyone, all the fathers are leaving and waving at their wives and backing out of the driveway and all the homes look the same. And so we can talk about all that, but I think when we see where we've been and where we're at now, it starts to make sense. These periods of change, they can be very uncomfortable, but they can also be very liberating and bring a tremendous amount of freedom for females. But of course, as as uh as you have taught me, the role of the woman, and in this case, motherhood and family is going to be pivotal to the success of the family and just the overall peace of the family.

SPEAKER_00 7:35

Yeah, something that I I always talk about with my clients and really with anybody is that I truly believe that the woman is the heart of the home. And she is the one that really sets the tone and allows the family to, I really feel mainly to be at peace. Okay. That is her, that is her almost almost as her power, right? That she has this inside of her to do this. And I've seen it happen time and time again when I go into and help families heal. Uh, the mother, she is, you know, if she is chaotic or uh she's uh stressed or not functioning the way that she needs to, because as women, we we overdo everything. We we feel like we have to be doing everything, right? And uh we we we step in in places where we should we like to control. And uh and once we go in there and we we really soften the woman. And this this is even my this is what's happened to me, you know. I I found what I really did was find peace with myself and found that, you know, once I had, once I really had peace, my whole family really did have a lot of peace around them. And I see it time and time again. And so it's so amazing to really watch. Um, one other thing that we talked about was I read this book one time and it was called, it's called We Should All Be Millionaires. And I love this book, but it brought a lot of perspective and light to how my mother was brought up, which also brought up a lot of perspective and how she was how she raised me and how all of us in my sort in our generation were raised. And in 1974, women got the right to get a bank account. And so my mom was born in 1952, so that would make her 18 when she was allowed to get a bank account, and I just couldn't imagine that, right? And so you look at how families were kind of built in that generation was almost sometimes survival, you know, and we were having they were having multiple children so that they could work the farm, more hands meant more help. So it's really interesting to see how when we go back and we see sort of how our parents were raised and then how we were raised, it really does put a lot of things into perspective about why your parents are the way they are and what your parents believe and why you are the way that you are and what you believe, right? And so this is, I like this because it starts to close the gap between between generations. And I think that's the that's part of the problem is that we are from generation to generation, you always hear, oh, this new generation, they don't know what they're doing, right? Like, oh, they're ruining the world, you know, and stuff like that. And so I think that once we start to really learn the history of our parents' generation and understand why our parents are the way they are, it puts a whole new perspective on life really and our relationships with our parents. So I think that that, and if you're interested in that, again, the book is called Um We Should All Be Millionaires. It's a great book. Um, pick it up and read it. I loved it. Um yeah, and and something else that we we like to talk about too here is The Mastermind by Napoleon Hill. That's what he called it. And we really, even with my own children, I tell them that, you know, the most important thing you'll ever gonna do in your life is who you choose as a partner. Besides really loving yourself and understanding yourself, the next step is going to be to find a partner, whatever that might look for you, look like for you. So Napoleon Hill talks about this this mastermind that you can build with a partner, whether it be someone that you're married to or someone that you live with, or maybe even a business partner. And what starts to happen is that when you both are synchronous synced synced together and you have one objective, you create this sort of what I call, we call a third mind, right? And so when you choose a partner to be with, you want to make sure that you're both have the same sort of morals, the same sort of outlook on life, maybe, or you want to know that you have a vision that you're going in the same direction. Because when both partners have the same direction, then things multiply, they grow, they manifest. But when you have partners that are sort of not having the same vision, you're gonna cause a lot of confusion and tints and unstable uh uh sort of life that you're living with. So it's really important to understand that when we are building this sort of family dynamic, we have to understand that it's very important to look at the other person's social heredity. Where did they come from? What is their background? Where are they at now? Right. And because this is really the most important, really, decision you'll ever make in your life.

SPEAKER_01 12:36

Totally agree. And I remember in college, my dad had gotten me one of those, you know, in the 90s, we had a lot of posters on our walls. And he had gotten me this like one of those long um vertical ones. And it, I can't remember if it was like the 10 secrets to success or something like that. But number one was choose your partner carefully. It will determine 90% of your happiness or misery. And I never forgot that. I never forgot that. And I think what you're saying about values and the mastermind, I totally get that. When my husband and I got married, it's a learning curve because you're used to how your family was, they're used to how their family was, and certain things just don't make sense from if you sit and eat dinner at the table, or if you eat on TV trays, or if you eat at the at the counter, little things like that can be completely different than your partner, uh, what they experienced growing up. And so when you come together in a family unit and you're trying to create this hybrid uh environment for your family, it's absolutely gonna be very important that the person you choose to have that relationship with and build this life with that that you're on the same page. And, and this is something I've learned, I feel I feel old saying this, but as you grow older, I'm not the same woman that my husband married over 20 years ago. I have changed a lot, some good, some bad, but we grow together and we give each other the grace and the allowance that we're not always gonna be the person that that our spouse wants us to be. And that's okay. That's okay.

SPEAKER_00 14:21

Yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. And something else that's really important to remember is our children are constantly watching us, they're modeling us. And it's really important when I go into homes, I explain this to parents in a very simple way. I say, listen, even though you think about your five-year-old copying everything that you say, your 15, 16, 17, 18, even maybe your 22, maybe into their 20s, they're still modeling you. They're still copying you in a way because you are the person that has the most influence over them at that time. Right. So we have to make so we have to make sure that, I mean, like we talked in the upper other episode, you know, is the news on, right? What does that feel like? So you always walk, you're really creating when we raise children, we're just creating little us in a way at first, you know? It's like you say, Why do you do that? Yeah, yeah, exactly. And it's like, why do you do that? Oh, because your dad does that or because I do that, right? And so it's always filtering, it's always filtering through. And it's really, it's really a special thing to see because I go into families and I see all the great things about everybody. I'm like, oh, I see that in you and I see that in you. And, you know, families tend to, we tend to look at each other and look at the, we try, we we're very critical, right? As people, we're always looking at our spouse and saying, well, you don't do this and you don't do this and you don't do this. And, you know, instead we need to really start looking at, okay, what do I, and if if this is actually a practice that you could do, but really look at your spouse, look at your children and start finding all the amazing things about them and just focus on that alone will change your family dynamic within days, absolute days. Um, it's actually remarkable how it works. And I know you've tried that and it's worked for you. And you know, we we have a lot of other things to share, but that I think for me, that is one thing that you can do. And, you know, people all the time you see them saying, I want to change the world. Well, I know it sounds gonna sound cliche when I really, you know, when I say this, but go home, pour into your family, that's how you change the world. Because you and I both have somewhat, I guess we have adult children now, young adult children.

SPEAKER_01 16:39

Trippy, which is so much fun. So much fun.

SPEAKER_00 16:42

Oh my gosh, it's so much fun. Yes. And I think what I would say about that is they are really your best friends. If you really raise them right and do it good, like do what you feel is really special in raising them, it they become your best friends. You move from this sort of child and parent, you know, relationship to this friend, almost friend relationship and mentor relationship, if they choose to come to you for that. And it's so very, very special. It's the most amazing thing. And this one guy, one time he was doing an interview and he said, the guy said, How do you, how do you see yourself as rich? He was a billionaire. And they said, What makes you rich? And he said, That my kids call me and want to go on vacation with me. And that has that, I think I saw that about three years ago, and that always stuck with me. And there's nothing like having your kids be your best friend, really.

SPEAKER_01 17:38

I love that. I think of sometimes I see on Instagram and it says, What's the hardest part of being a parent? And the saying is, well, watching your kids grow up. What's the best part of being a parent? Watching your kids grow up. So it's, it's, it's a crazy job. It's um the hardest job I think there is. And but at the same time, it is so fulfilling. And I want to mention, I don't want people to think that families have to be this cookie cutter version of a family, because there are a lot of different types of family. And I think at a human level, we want to feel like we belong somewhere. We want to feel loved, like we're with our people. And it may be a cookie cutter family, and that's great, but it might not be. And that's okay as well. I remember being away at college and I was five, six hours away driving, not exactly, you know, convenient to come home every weekend. And I remember feeling very isolated and very alone. And I found a different family with my college friends and eventually my sorority sisters that I still stay in touch with today. And that family was a with for there for me at a very important part of my life. And, you know, now that I'm a mother and and a wife, I realize that that having that support system, having the ability to go where you know you're gonna feel safe and be vulnerable is such a gift. And I think we we sometimes take it for granted. And one thing I wanted to mention that you've taught me that is so hard for me to do is to put myself first, put my mental, physical, spiritual being first because I feel guilty. I feel like, no, I need to put my kids first, I need to put my husband first, I need to put my job first. And I feel guilty putting myself first. But what I've learned is that when I do put myself first and make sure that, you know, I pour into my own cup, so to speak. You know, on the airplanes, they talk about putting your oxygen, your vest and your oxygen mask on first so you can help other people. And that has been very significant in the change that I've gone through over the last couple of years, is just reminding myself, it's okay to take the dog for a walk when there's dirty dishes. It's okay to sit down and read a book when there's laundry to fold. And I think that is very liberating and part of society that I want to see change. We cannot keep putting not just moms, but dads too. We need to give each other grace. We need to make sure that we're filling our own cup first so that we can be the best version of ourselves for everyone else.

SPEAKER_00 20:21

Yeah, that is that is definitely something that I, when I went through my awakening um and with someone in the program at Peace and Prosperity Institute, I I was I just stopped one day and I'm like, man, I I don't do really a lot for myself. I I I don't even know if I really even love myself, you know? And it's like, you know, and at the end of the day, you're just like, do I even I love all these other people, but do I love myself? And that was that was really huge for me. It was huge, you know, really working on that self-love. And this is what this is even what I say when I say, before you find your mate, you know, I mean, or your partner, whatever, you understand that yes, you're gonna be a completely different person in your 40s. If you get married in your 20s or 30s, 40s and 50s, trust us, you're gonna be a completely different person. And that's why, you know, they have, you know, be, you know, with they say the things that they say, because, you know, richer or poor, you know, sick and in health or whatever you're saying in your vows. And this is the truth. I mean, this is these are real life, life situations. And, you know, but something that I I wish I would have done sooner in and I and I could tell every 20-year-old this and until I'm blue in the face is that really find yourself, really, really just find yourself, discover yourself a little bit, maybe travel, try different foods, and just at the end of the day, really look in the mirror and say, Do I love myself? Do I love who I am? Do I love my body? Do I love who I'm becoming? You know, that it's so important to go. And I'm gonna tell every, I don't know if I made this clear, but every 20 year old young man. Too. Look in the mirror. Love yourself. Respect yourself. Be proud of yourself. Give yourself all that love. Not in an egotistical way. Just love like you would love your child or love your parent or love your best friend, right? Talk to yourself like you love yourself. That is the most important thing before you choose any partner, is to just really make that conscious decision to do that. It will save you a lot of time, a lot of fights, a lot of headaches, you know, really, you know, becoming yourself before you really, I think, settle down in a way and and and have a have a partner and a family or whatever you choose to to have. You know, I don't know, get a dog, maybe.

SPEAKER_01 22:44

We we had when we had our first apartment in LA, we had my mother-in-law got us a tree and they we named him Fred. And the goal was we had to keep the tree alive before we could get a dog, and then we got a dog. So we we had to work up to being able to take care of ourselves, which we're we're still trying to do that. And I think that is, I wish I had that advice. And I'm sure my parents gave it to me because they gave me great advice. But at the time, I thought they were trying to hold me back. And in hindsight, they were always right. Props to mom and dad. Uh I I wish, I wish I knew what I know now back then, but I don't. And I'm an imperfect person and I'm constantly learning, just like we all are. But I think that's a an important part of the discussion about family, is and and being able to vocalize when you need help. And that's something I am very convicted in because I love taking care of my family. I love making them dinner. I love just the nurturing part of being uh a mother. But at the same time, I need to be better about, hey guys, mom's real busy. I need help. I need you to do this, this, and this. Because they do it. I just feel like I need to do it all. And I really, really need to get past that. That's something I'm working on. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:01

And I I really just to say something really about that is that you have, you do have, you do have a female, another female in your house. I have all males in my home. And so I am the only female in my house. And I don't have a man brain. But something that I've realized is that men do not know what to do. And this is probably a whole nother podcast we'll get into later, but real quick about real quick about family, is that they don't know what to do if you don't tell them. And I was telling even my my 14-year-old the other day. I I was telling him something about, you know, growing a business and and what that looks like. And that, you know, it's it's not always easy. You know, there's gonna be a lot, there's a lot of challenges that you go through. And he looked at me and said, Is there anything I can do to help you? And I just looked at him and I'm like, and I'm like, no, just keep being awesome. Just keep being awesome, keep being you, you know? And it just felt it was just so great to hear him say that because I thought in my head, oh my gosh, I hope you say that to your wife one day. You know, is there anything that I can help you with? Right. And so we really have to start opening uh these conversations with our kids. And and and they are so these children that are coming into this world are so enlightened now. It is absolutely I don't know what's happening, but I swear these babies come out whole.

SPEAKER_01 25:23

Oh, they have access to a lot more information than we did. And and some of it is good and some of it is not so good and and could be self-sabotaging, but they they they have access to the internet and and therefore the world.

SPEAKER_00 25:38

And yeah, I think that'd be a great podcast, actually, to to to do to do absolutely access. We should we should actually get our kids on here and they can tell us all about the world that we'd have nothing, we don't know anything about it, actually.

SPEAKER_01 25:51

Probably they you know, I always do that with slang sometimes, like what what does that mean? And they have to explain it. And sometimes I they I'll say something and they'll go, mom, you can't say that.

SPEAKER_00 26:01

Yeah, like okay, bro, you know. But uh, but I bro, oh sorry, yeah, see, 40. That's what happens. Um, but yeah, I I I tell my kid, you know, I I tell my kids all the time, or I tell people all the time that, and my children too, that you are my biggest teacher. And I think as parents, when you start to look at your children as they teach you about more about yourself than than than you're teaching them, oh man, let me tell you, the wheels come off at that point. Because when you are an adult and you have a baby that's crying, that's the really the first time that you're really having to self-soothe somebody else and yourself, right? And so we're constantly learning how am I responding to my child right now? And that that's again a whole other episode, but it's always about how am I responding and why really sit back and I just ask my kids questions. They blow me away every time. They teach me so much. And yeah, being a mother has been one of the greatest joys of my life, and it continues to be. Um, yeah, so yeah, that's our episode on family. Yeah. Uh and we we also want to say, you know, to everyone, thank you for listening. Um, thank you for being here. Uh, we are beginners at this, we really have no idea what we're doing, uh, but we're having fun doing it. And we want to hear, yeah, yeah, and we want to hear from you. Uh, if you have a topic that you want us to talk about, if you are a professional or you have information on something that you want to share and you want to be um on our podcast, uh, reach out to us. All of our information is down at the bottom. You can find it there. Uh, and yeah, we are open to any conversation that you want to have. We are here to um help you guys better understand yourself and the world and bring in just a little bit more peace to your life every day. So thank you for being here. And uh yeah, we'll see you next time. Have a great day. Bye. Bye.