The Missing Peace

What Makes a Marriage Work

• Season 1 • Episode 15

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0:00 | 34:46

What really makes a marriage last? In this episode, Brooke Benevento and Danielle Griffiths dive into the heart of what makes a strong, healthy marriage — and it starts long before you say "I do."

From the history of marriage (dating back to 2350 B.C.) to the modern-day partnership it's become, the hosts explore how marriage has evolved from a contractual arrangement into something rooted in love, choice, and mutual growth. Brooke shares how Napoleon Hill's mastermind concept applies directly to marriage, and why your spouse should be your first and most important partner in building your future together.

Danielle opens up about learning to navigate different social heredities with her husband Mark — from household expectations to communication styles — and shares the powerful advice their pastor gave them before their wedding: "If you're both concerned about the other person's happiness, you always have someone who's focused on your happiness."

In this episode, you'll learn:

  • How marriage evolved from property transfer to a love-based partnership
  • Why self-love and self-respect are the foundation before getting married
  • Napoleon Hill's mastermind concept and why your spouse should be your first mastermind partner
  • The importance of having deep conversations before marriage — kids, finances, conflict styles
  • How social heredity shapes the way you and your partner show up in a relationship
  • Why you should accept your partner as they are instead of trying to change them
  • Creating a family mission and vision statement together
  • The "third mind" phenomenon — how deeply connected couples start sharing the same thoughts
  • The 777 Rule: a date every 7 days, an overnight every 7 weeks, something romantic every 7 months
  • Why picking your battles and ditching the pursuit of a "perfect" marriage is key

Resources mentioned:

  • Napoleon Hill — "Think and Grow Rich" (the mastermind principle)
  • Episodes 1–4: Social heredity foundation series
  • Episodes 13–14: Dating series

Connect with us:

Have a topic you want us to cover? Want to be a guest on the show or sponsor an episode? Reach out — we'd love to hear from you!

Subscribe so you never miss an episode, and share this with someone who wants to build a stronger marriage!

SPEAKER_01

What I I've noticed with my husband is that he accepts accepts me the way I am, but he also helps me keep myself accountable. And I feel like I do the same for him. And I remember when we were going through our pre-marriage counseling with the pastor that was going to marry us, he said, if you're both concerned about the other person's happiness, you always have someone who's focused on your happiness.

SPEAKER_00

And then they came to be up with the words that they're going to be.

SPEAKER_01

This is the highlight of my week. I look forward to this and talking with you and um sharing with the world what we what we have been finding out. So today um it is episode 15. I can't believe it. Um, and we're gonna be talking about marriage, marriage, marriage, marriage. So um a little bit of history. You guys know I gotta give the history, um, also called matrimony or wedlock. Um marriage is going to be establishing a lot of rights for for people, but just in general, both as individuals and then as a as a unit. Um, first recorded marriage was approximately 2350 BC. So we're talking over 4,000 years ago. Um, and the primary function was actually to establish biological errors and transfer in property. So, you know, I think we think of marriage these days about love and romance and you know, maybe starting a family if that's your goal. But back then it was not as romantic.

SPEAKER_02

No, it was not.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. And you know, the idea of women as property and I, you know, I uh uh what's the name of the show? Oh, Bridgerton, I think. Bridgerton shows a small channel.

SPEAKER_02

I was just thinking, I was just thinking the same show.

SPEAKER_01

They have like the dowries and how that makes women more attractive if they have a dowry. Um, and in many ancient societies like Greece and Rome, a woman was transferred from the custody of her father to the husband. So um, again, nothing but romance here. I'm being sarcastic, obviously. Um, and then in the industrial revolution, 18th and 19th centuries, that's when we really shift, at least in the United States, from a more agrarian farm-based uh life to more urban cities. You know, before the Industrial Revolution, most people lived and worked um on their farm um in the home. Uh young ladies learned um how, you know, how to read, how to cook, how to sew, how to take care of children. The young men learned, you know, the more, more physical things. But that's gonna start to shift. And this this newfound autonomy, I always think of the mill girls that worked in the in the textile mills in the 1800s. And it was so exciting for them to leave their home, go and actually get paid money to work, because on the farm, you're not getting paid, and have the freedom to go to lectures, to go to just to do things that that you weren't you weren't um able to on the on the farm. And interesting, I I think this autonomy meant that marriages um coupled with you know the enlightenment and all the political changes, it it was starting to promote the idea that marriage could be about love. And um, there are still a lot of of societies today that that uh do arranged marriages, um, even today in the 21st century. But I think as women's legal uh rights change and shift, get the right to vote, uh right to own property, right to open a credit card, um, make reproductive choices. So I think that's really going to change marriage from more of a contractual situation to something that could be about what we've been talking about, about um finding that that person through the the dating or the the courting phase of your life and eventually choosing someone who you're gonna grow old with. So that's just you know a very basic history, but um wanted to kind of uh start there. Yeah. What are your thoughts on that?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I I I I really love that because when you said it was kind of like um, you know, a contract almost, and really that's really what it it was, right? I mean, even still even now you have to sign your name on the dotted line and that it is a contract. And so it it was it it, I don't know. I just that was really enlightening when you said we went kind of from that to to it being more about love. And I never really I never really kind of put those two and two together. And so yeah, I think it is more about uh definitely more about love now because uh women are not being for lack of a better word, forced maybe forced into having to marry somebody that they don't know.

SPEAKER_01

There's a lot more choice, yeah, yeah. There's a lot more choice. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. And I you know, I I think with I think with marriage, something that listen, I've learned along the way. I've been married for almost 20 years. So, hey, you know, or not, we haven't married 20 years, we've been together for almost 20 years. So I guess you could add that into the marriage since it's it's been that long. But you know, I I something that I never really thought about back then and I think about a lot now is that how marriage really is a partnership. And you know, it's it it and I and I wanted to look up the word what partnership actually meant, because I you know you and I love that. It's like, okay, we're let's use a word, but like let's look up what the word actually means, and then and apply that word to whatever we are talking about. And so the definition of it was a partnership is a relationship in which two people work together towards shared goals, support one another through challenges, and contribute their unique strengths for the benefit of the relationship. And this really reminded me of something that again, Napoleon Hill talks about. He talks about the mastermind and um he says in there that when you start a mastermind, if you can, the first person that you should share your mastermind with is your spouse. That should be the first person. And so when we started talking about doing this on marriage, I really was like, you know what? I remember Napoleon Hill saying that that, and and and Seth and I, you know, we we see it like that too. If we're gonna do something, each uh each one of us has to support the other one, and that you know, we should share our future with each other because um we are both living in the same world together and we're raising children together, we're doing these things, and so I really also want to challenge people to also think about love that marriage is about love, but it's also about a partnership. And very interesting enough, um, I was at the gym one day and Seth and I work out together, and um, my uh uh our you know guy that tells us what to do, our gym, I call him Jim Master, basically yeah. Well, he's maybe more like a master. He tells you what to do and he directs you more than yeah, so um more of a master than a trader, but we love it. We love our gym and we love to go. But anyways, so he says, uh Seth and I were there together, and he says, Oh, Brooke, go stand over there by your life partner. And that word, just that that little thing right there, I was like, you know what? Even besides my husband being my husband, whatever that is, right? He's he and I and to look at it more like a life partner, and it really just kind of struck me was like, You're right, he this is my life partner. And um, I think that if we all really start to look at it more like that, as a partnership, as a partner, you know, all these things and um you're building something together. Yeah, yeah, really. We really are. You're you're building, you're building something. And if you didn't listen to the dating episode, listen to the dating episode because that'll help you choose who you you know spend the rest of your life with and really create a mastermind together, really become something together, right? Instead of going in different directions. So um, I really like that. So thank you for sharing that. That was yeah, it's eye-opening you out. We're always learning about different things, yeah. So Danielle always says that I teach her so much, but she teaches me just as much as I teach her, honestly, you all like really she does. You you do, you do. Like it's very thank you, it's very much of the same level.

SPEAKER_01

So yeah, thanks for that. I appreciate that. Well, and I think, you know, before we get into kind of the the steps that that can make a strong marriage, I mean, marriages are important, and I know we we kind of wrote, I'll I won't read all of them, but it's a strategic alliance. It is um there is consent, the the sacrament of of marriage. We're we're uh deliberately jumping into not jumping in, that sounds like it's hasty, but we're we're sometimes we are making, yeah, that's true. That's true too. Um, from the wedding vows, um, what we say in in the wedding vows, um, divorce was very rare before 1858, before that that would have been right around um uh right before the Civil War. Um, so obviously divorce is a lot more uh frequent now, um, about 50% last time I checked. Um we have civil marriages. I mean, you I I think some people would say, well, it used to be marriage was so you could start having babies. Well, if if that is where you want your family to go, that could be part of it. But it is gonna be a partnership. You're you're wearing um a ring and you're telling the world, I am committed to this person. And so I I guess the the purpose of what we want to talk about today is what makes a good marriage. Um, again, I know we always say this if if your marriage is awesome, we're so happy for you. That's phenomenal. If if it's good, but it could be better, listen up. Um, because we're we're gonna kind of help with that. And if you are in a a marriage that is not going well, we we hope you take some things from this as well because anything can be turned around. I really believe that with the right mindset and and the right um the right direction. But um, yeah, so what what would you what would be your initial advice to someone that came to you and was asking, you know, maybe they're engaged and they're about to get married. What what would you tell your your clients um would be the first thing to think about?

SPEAKER_02

Of course, like we said in the other uh episode, I would really start and ask um if they each of them really did like themselves and love themselves and if they feel at peace with themselves. I think that that would be really the first part of um of of marriage counseling or premarital counseling, we could call it. Um, and really just just yeah, say, hey, do you do you feel like you love and respect yourself? I think that's really the first thing is to and and to really sit with that and um and ask and ask that question. That that is the that is really honestly the foundation of all of it is is is that so as as as simple as that sounds, it it it can be go a little deeper. Um, but I think that that is really something that every single person has to ask themselves before they really get married.

SPEAKER_01

Keep in mind, everyone. Um in a perfect world, you would be healed from trauma. Like, you know, you'd have all these these ducks in a row, so to speak. I was a hot flipping mess when I started dating my husband. Like, and I'm not even trying to be funny. I did not know where I was going. I I had an idea, but I I mean, that's a different story for a different day. But I guess what I'm trying to impress upon the audience is if you're waiting for everything to be perfect before you make this this uh step in in this direction, it's never gonna be perfect. And I keep hearing this, it's like one of those things I keep hearing over and over. The best time to do something was 20 years ago. The second best time is right now. So don't tell yourself, oh, well, I'm a hot mess. Like it's not gonna happen. It could, it did for me. And I think recognizing that gift and running with it. Um, if I would have not had the open mind that I had, I might have missed it. And yeah. Um so something to think about. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah, definitely. We're all never gonna be perfect, right? We're not gonna do that. But I also think that both people should understand before they get into relationship that um do you do you do you like who you are right now? And listen, I'm gonna tell you this that I and I'm sure people that have are in relationships and marriages for 60 years, 50 years that are ahead of us, um, have been where we are before, uh, can will agree that you are not the same person you are uh when you got married. You you're you're both evolving. Um usually within the it seems like every seven years, it seems like something, something happens um to where someone is uh maybe wants to level up, something's happened, you know, and and we're always we're always changing, you know, all the time as as life goes on, as we have kids, um, our environment, uh the world, what's going on out there, we're all we're all changing. And so, uh, so yeah, you're never gonna be perfect, but just make sure that you feel, I guess, comfortable with yourself. You you don't feel like you're extracting from the other person as much as you are just can very content with where you are. Um, the other thing that we that we normally talk about in uh premarital counseling is uh to look at different things like how do you and your partner communicate? Uh how do you handle conflict? You've got to start talking about this stuff. How do you how do you want to express affection? How who's gonna manage the money? You're gonna do it together. Uh, how does this person respond to to stress, you know? And I'm gonna tell again, go back to episode one, two, three, and four. It's all about your social heredity. And what we all have to start to understand is that we all are the way we are because of how we were raised. So if you start to see certain patterns about somebody that you you care about or you love, you 100%, 99% of the time, you can usually go back to something in their past that has created them to be who they are, right? So ask different things like how did your family handle arguments? Um, how was the finances managed in your house? You know, how were you disciplined as a child? How do we want to discipline our children? Do we even want to have kids? I don't know that people are really having these actual deep conversations like they need to be having. Um, what does our lives look like 20 years from now? You know, what are do we drink? Do we not do we not drink? You know, I mean, what is it? I mean, just different things, you know. Um, and I think that um really looking at family patterns and and and talking about these family patterns and saying, hey, I want to be, I want to model my mom and dad, or I want to model your mom and dad, or maybe we take a little bit of your mom and a little bit of my mom and my dad and we we mesh that together, you know, and I think that that's really healthy to have some role models in your life, or maybe say, Hey, I don't want to be anything like my parents, you know. Uh I want to make sure that we are, you know, actively uh creating our lives like this. I mean, we have to have you we have to have conversations like this because this is why the divorce rate is I think is so high, is because people are not sitting down and having these talks before they're getting married and really saying, This is this is what I expected. This is not not so much what I expect, but this is this is where I would like to go in my life. Do you is that where you'd like to go? And and if not, there you may hit some roadblocks. Um, so I just asking questions.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, just to interject real quick, I think that that was one thing that I mean, I think my husband and I had similar upbringings um in a lot of senses. But when you are, I mean, even just when when we started living together, um, my husband is very organized, very um, I don't know how to say this without making myself sound like a slob. Um, I I grew up in a house where my my mom um worked and that the house was never messy, but it wasn't like museum pristine. Whereas my husband was his house, I I knew him, we were friends. His house was always gorgeous. Um both of our moms are phenomenal ladies, but we were just used to different things. And so when you when you bring two different social heredities together, inevitably there's going to be some instances where it's like, well, I didn't do it that way, but you know, and and so being vulnerable and saying, okay, I don't quite understand this because I know sometimes I would ask him questions like, Why do you do that? And when he explained it to me, it made total sense. But if I didn't have the courage and the the feeling that I was safe asking this question, you know, sometimes men can get a little defensive and women can as well.

SPEAKER_02

Women, yeah, women can too.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Yeah. And so for me, that was a big eye-opener. And especially, like you said, having these conversations before things get too serious. Because if you don't talk about these things, you get married, and all of a sudden, maybe one person wants to have kids and the other one doesn't, and you're already married, it's kind of like, whoa, we should have talked about this before.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. And I like how you you said that something very important there. You said, you said, ask him why he he's like that. And if he doesn't know why he's like that, let's explore why he's like that. You can find it fairly quickly. And it doesn't mean that we're all like something. And we're not just only talking about, I mean, we are the way we are because of something, right? Whether it's we the other person finds it to be bad or good, you know. But I I love that. Yes, always ask, well, why am I like this? Ask that interesting. And yeah, yeah, you know, and you're like, oh, okay, well, I and I do that all the time. I'll be like, why do I do this? I did that a lot during my real big awakening that I had with myself. I did that a lot. I would always say, I would do something, and then I would ask myself, why did you do that? And I would have to find, I would not stop until I found the reason why I was doing it. And that it opened up so much for me. And sometimes it wasn't because of my family life. Sometimes it was because of something that happened in school or a friend or some sort of, you know, um, I didn't have self-worth or or whatever it was. Uh so yes, I love that. Ask, ask, start asking yourselves, well, why do you do that? And do you like that you do that? Because if you do like it, that's cool. But if you don't like it, let's maybe maybe we could just switch to something else, or what do you really want to do? So I love that. Definitely asking the reason asking why a lot.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. And I I love what you had for the next one. You know, what you see is what you get. Don't try and change someone. And I mean, I know I I think I've mentioned it before that I'm doing some shadow work, which um, you know, is this whole other thing. But, you know, basically your persona is who the world sees, your shadows kind of who you keep hidden. And I mean, I filter myself sometimes. It's not like I'm just, you know, vomiting uh my thoughts all the time. But um, what I I've noticed with my husband is that he accepts accepts me the way I am, but he also helps me keep myself accountable. And I feel like I do the same for him. And I remember when we were going through our pre-marriage counseling um with the uh pastor that was going to marry us, he said, if you're both concerned about the other person's happiness, you always have someone who's focused on your happiness. And so I will think, is Mark happy? Is there something I could do to help him? And I know he does the same thing for me because when I'm having a tough time for whatever reason, he he'll he'll say, Don't worry about dinner, I'll make it. Like he he can recognize when I'm overwhelmed and stressed and I need that help. And I I hope that I do the same for him because literally that that feeling of the safe space and knowing that someone has your back no matter what was something that I wasn't used to in romantic relationships. And I'm so glad I found it. But um, it made a huge difference.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah. I think that being in a marriage is also, you know, you are having to serve one another, you know, a lot of the time is is is serving one another. And also, yes, serving yourself. You you have to, like I said, the more that you love yourself, the less you're trying to prove to other people that. you that you need to be loved. So once you love yourself, it all it's easy to serve because you're not worried. You're you're authentically, like you said before, you're authentically showing up as yourself and the other person accepts that. And it all wor it all tends seems to work out, you know? Um the other the other topic that the next thing that we wanted to talk about was um build a shared foundation. We we did talk about this a little bit. Uh like I said too many people are jumping into like we said jumping into marriages and not asking enough questions. Do not assume that you are on the same page. I'm telling you you got to talk about this stuff. Something that I find to be really helpful when I go into families and I coach is that um we create a family mission and vision statement together. It's it's kind of it's kind of cool um to do this. Some people and it doesn't have to be you know anything grand it can be just you know one sentence that everything goes back to you know um how do you treat each other? How are we communicating? What are the values like go back to the mission statement go back to the vision statement. How are we showing up for each other? Go back to that you know and so it's just like it's a really good way for everybody to understand that we're all on really the same page, right? That we're all coming from this this mission and this vision like I said as a mastermind. And when you have a husband and wife that start a mastermind um or even a partnership with you know you don't I mean we're talking about marriage here but if you um let's say you've been together for 20 years and you're not married okay I'm you're you're married. You may not be you know we may not be able to it's not written in you know on the paper but you you are you're you're in a in a in a partnership. I think that once we start adding children into this partnership we start adding more people there's more you know you're bringing in children you're bringing in other minds and you're kind of setting the foundation and saying okay this is how we are going to um create our family this is how we're gonna live how we're gonna live from a place of you know whatever this mission and vision statement is I find this to be really helpful. Uh some people use their vows as their as their kind of their mission and vision statements too you know that they follow their vows. And so interesting uh we uh Seth and I had when we got married the pastor said before he started reading them he said all right y'all I'm gonna tell you this this is the longest vows I've ever heard in my life so but um but we got we got through them and uh I think sometimes we you know there are basic vows out there that everybody uses you know and that's great those are great um Seth and I did write our own vows that we both said to each other um same thing but to each other and sometimes I think that as when we go into marriage we take those vows and we don't we kind of forget them. We kind of throw them in the trash and I think it would it's very helpful if like we just keep those vows really like close to our hearts and almost memorize them and say like really really like repeat those, you know, and make that a foundation of our marriage. I mean we're vowing these things. And so I think if you haven't if you are married and you haven't read your vows lately or thought about your vows maybe find them or figure out what you said on that day and go back to them and really say hey you know what I wanna I want to um live up to what I vowed to you. And that's really what vows are all about. So um that's great. And I I think that yeah I think that's really important in a marriage is to is to keep that close to your heart for sure.

SPEAKER_01

Well and I think also you know understanding life life is a series of highs and lows I feel like and when you understand that in a marriage it's gonna take work like it's not just like it's effortless um but talking about okay inevitably we're gonna disagree about stuff how how how are we gonna handle that when that comes up or I remember us having the conversation even right before we got married and right after like if you're unhappy please tell me I want like give like let's work on it versus you know I'm unhappy so I'm gonna stray or I'm gonna give them the silent treatment or you know whatever the case is being prepared for those types of things and having a an action plan like it doesn't have to be written down or something but I know when I was younger, I mean I'm aging myself, but when Mark and I first started dating there was no texting. So we got to know each other we were we were dating long distance for a couple months and we we had these long phone conversations where we would talk about everything. Well what I noticed as as time went on is sometimes when I felt uncomfortable about what I needed to say to him and texting was a thing, sometimes I would say look I for whatever reason I am having a hard time verbalizing this, but I'm having this issue. And that just kind of started the conversation it it might turn into a face-to-face conversation but just having ways so that the other person knows okay they need to talk to me about something and this is kind of our plan so that we know you know maybe we need to go out to lunch maybe we need to go out to dinner just really focus on each other versus you know a lot of times I feel like especially when you have kids and life is so busy you kind of see them passing in the halls. And so just making it a more concerted effort. You know, how are we going to manage money? When do we want to retire? Uh do we travel? Do we not like there's just so much into life and like you've said when you have that mastermind and sometimes you it and what's crazy is when you start doing it and Brooke and I kind of have a mastermind when it comes to this podcast it's like you you almost have you can read their minds like you think of things the third mind.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah it's cool. Yeah we have crazy though yeah yeah I mean we were just on a call with our with our podcast mastermind I guess producer they said something yeah yeah yeah and the producer says something we're like oh my gosh we're just thinking that so yeah I mean this that that's what a mastermind is is eventually you become one mind because you've been around each other for so long that you just start picking each up each other's thoughts and it it it's insane because I mean gosh Danielle lives you know I mean this is why they call him brain waves I mean we're kind of getting off here but you know this is why they call him brain waves but I mean Danielle lives you know 2,000 miles from me and literally I can I can text her something or she'll text me something and I'll be like oh my gosh girl I was just thinking about that like and I yeah it does and so when you're really when you're really clicked in you know you start to kind of share these this sort of uh same dimension of of thoughts you know these thought waves are kind of on this the a certain level with with different people and that's what's happening in your house and I will tell you this speaking of speaking of that third mind thing this is how you know when you and your spouse are really really connected is when you do that. That's how you know if you're not if you're starting to feel like you're not doing that anymore or that's not happening that's when you know that there probably needs to be some sort of uh connection made um it's it's a good sign to say hey we need to stop we need to have some date nights we need to have some alone time we need to um let's go on a car ride together like you don't have to do fancy things to to have a really you know to for your spouses. You don't you know go in some of you will say well we don't have money to do these these things we don't have money to go out to dinner. We don't you know we're just trying to survive and get along go listen get in your car go for a drive somewhere on a and and go go for a walk. Go for it's there's so many things that don't cost money. Yeah exactly I I will yeah and I will share this with you when Seth and I first started dating he would pick wildflowers for me like he would literally stop on on 90 or 198. He would stop off right there because that's where they always were at and he would get like this bunch of wildflowers for me. And I'm gonna tell you I and he still does it to this day uh it it's a little harder to find wildflowers out here in Tennessee because one you might get shot if you go onto someone's property without without being asked but um I'm just joking aside but um but in and so but he still does that and I'm gonna tell you something that is that was that's the most sentimental gift that he'll he ever gives me is when he goes and he picks these things because he actually took his time. He didn't just go in give his credit card someone handed him a bunch of flowers and he brought them home like he actually was intentional about it.

SPEAKER_01

And so if you're in a marriage and you're feeling like you're not so connected or you're like man is our third mind you know at par where where it needs to be that that is usually as a really good indication to start in putting some investment investing back into your relationship um you know at very quickly I I would say really start getting off the phones and really start paying attention to each other because I'm telling you yeah you know I always tell people look up look up from your phone look up those are the people that matter the people that are on the phones they don't matter as much I promise you uh well I like I like that and I'm gonna add um the 777 rule which could be applied to dating also but yeah so every seven days have a date and again I get that money is tight I feel like money's tight for everyone right now no matter what tax tax uh bracket you're in uh bracket you're in yeah but um dedicated date maybe it's watching a movie on the couch but sometime where it's just you and your partner so that's every seven days every seven weeks take like an overnight and again maybe you camp out in the living room together and build a fort like when you were kids like it doesn't have to be going and spending money at a hotel although it could be so um a date every seven days an overnight or trip every seven weeks and then every seven months something romantic I mean if you have the ability to to uh travel and go somewhere fun to spend time with each other great if not do something local but just like we always say you never want to stop dating your spouse. And to this day my husband will walk into the room and I still get a little weak knee'd and you would think that that would like that would go into weak knees when he walks into the room and and we still flirt with each other you know still pinch each other's tush once in a while and um you know whatever your your love language is and your spouse's love language is like figure it out and give them some love that way. If it's physical touch maybe give them a little massage if it's acts of service maybe get their car washed. I mean just those little things to me remind me I'm in a stable marriage and make me feel like I am on his radar even when he's you know busy with work and the kids and everything else.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah yeah I think that's a great I think that's some great advice and yeah I mean you know the world is really loud you know and work is work and all these things but what I've learned along the way is your family is everything and um it should be treated as so and so just make sure that you're putting your family your wife um you know in the front of of everything that you choose to do.

SPEAKER_01

The last thing I wanted to say regarding all this is just to pick your battles. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage and I think trying to think that there is can kind of be self-sabotage.

SPEAKER_02

What your spouse does is not always gonna make you happy but understanding that you know don't sweat the small stuff I guess would be would be what what I would uh I would leave with but um yeah yeah we wanted to um really end this too with a with a quick quote and it says love may bring two people together but a shared vision is what helps keep them moving in the same direction and that's what we hope for all of you um in yeah in whatever um capacity you are with your marriage we hope that this this episode helps um so like subscribe and uh follow us and we will see you guys next time bye bye