E2: LaTonya Orr Richard

 LaTanya Orr is an award-winning brand strategist, certified life coach, and author whose work centers on resilience, healing, and purpose-driven leadership. During our interview, she discusses making joyful plans such as celebrating her husband Jimmy’s 49th birthday. Three weeks later, and within 72 hours, his condition drastically changed. In 2021, LaTanya co-authored the highly acclaimed anthology “A Widow’s Resilience: Moving Forward in Life and Love, After Death Do Us Part,” contributing her voice to a collective of 14 widows redefining life after loss. Her journey offers practical guidance for others experiencing similar challenges. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Hi, this is your host Dale Josie, and welcome to Lost and Transformative Life, highlighting real life stories of hope, sharing strategies useful to other widows facing similar challenges, and pointing listeners to valuable resources designed to inspire connection and optimism. Each episode is designed to offer support, inspiration, and practical advice for widows navigating this challenging journey. Our conversations will feature real life stories and helpful resources, again, aimed at helping widows who are with this challenge, fostering connection and hope. This podcast series is available on iHeart, Amazon, Apple, Spotify, and other major platforms. Please share this series with other widows whom you may know. Today's guest, Latanya Orr, is an award-winning brand strategist, certified life coach, entrepreneur, and author whose work centers on resilience, healing, and purpose-driven leadership. She co-authored the highly acclaimed anthology, A Widow's Resilience Wisdom Keys for Moving Forward in Life and Love After Death Do Us Part. By the way, contributing her voice in terms of the book itself to a collective of 14 widows redefining life after loss. Welcome to Lost and Transformative Life. How are you, Tanya?

SPEAKER_01 1:34

Well, greetings, Dale. Thank you so much for inviting me in. I'm excited about being here. And this conversation is dear to my heart. So let's go.

SPEAKER_00 1:45

Well, let's go. Let's get after. Or as one of my grands used to say, let's get this party started. So before we delve into your book, you write in 72 hours, your first husband Jimmy went from laughing and singing to not being able to talk. What was share a little bit about your life with Jimmy and what happened?

SPEAKER_01 2:11

Wow, just that this just that reminder of those 72 hours. Indeed.

SPEAKER_00 3:10

So I would suggest it's almost like a challenge to your faith, right? You're praying for your husband for Jimmy to be healed, and he passes away. So how that rocked your world in what way?

SPEAKER_01 3:53

And so knowing, knowing that, knowing he loved me, I knew that he wanted the best for me. You know, before, you know, he sort of lost his voice, if you will. You know, we talked about, you know, you know, uh life after death, if you if you you know want to say it like that, but just that he wanted me to live, you know, you live, make sure you live, you know, you're a young woman. Um don't let this uh what is what is happening uh deter you from uh living out uh God's you know destiny life for you. Um and um so yeah, it was it was it was a lot, but I I was assured that I knew I would see him again. Um I knew that uh what we had built in a very short period of time was uh was good. It had been good. So let me ask you this then.

SPEAKER_00 4:55

What have been some of the most challenging aspects of grieving?

SPEAKER_01 4:59

Oh, the waves.

SPEAKER_00 5:02

The waves, you see.

SPEAKER_01 5:03

The waves, yes, the waves, the uh triggers, if you will. The you know, and most of the triggers are, you know, great memories. Um every now and again, um, even what is this now, almost seven, eight years later, uh, which is remarkable that it's been eight years, eight years, it'd be eight years in April, um, that uh uh it's it's not as much as of course early on, um, but there are just memories that, or I'll see something, or I'll smell something, or I'll go to uh, you know, uh when I'm in Michigan, you know, to uh to visit places and spaces that we have uh spent time in. Uh people that we of course know, uh mutual friends, um they're the they're those uh people and things that places that uh will just uh you know make me reflect, uh obviously. But but but all good. Uh I I I'm not moved to tears like I once was. Yeah. But Jeff Jeff, uh definitely um, you know, I'll have a a say la, I'll have a pause, and you know, uh might exh, you know, exhale and say, uh, you know, and I do, I still I miss them. We loved each other.

SPEAKER_02 6:25

Of course.

SPEAKER_01 6:26

Um, you know, that never um you know will go away. And uh so you know, just really um it the the the joy from a a moment.

SPEAKER_00 6:39

Yeah, yeah. Well, you know, obviously life changes and there are adaptations. When you talk about joy in the moment, how does that extend to managing responsibilities that you used to do together?

SPEAKER_01 6:53

Oh wow. So yeah, that was definitely something that of course that I experienced early on. Uh, you know, we had our home, and um initially uh I I found myself um not wanting to be there. Um and um not so much that I was lonely, maybe not so much that I missed him, but it was ours. Uh so managing, you know, the house, um uh thinking about what I was gonna do with his things, you know. I had a moment you know, a period of time where where that was very, you know, just like right, you know, matter of fact, that I just needed to deal with that sooner than later. Now everybody's everyone deals with that differently. But for me, I felt like, okay, um, in order to move on, there was just certain things that I needed to do. Yeah. Not that not moving on, you know, you know, some I think again, that's also a topic that people say, well, moving on, what how what does that mean? But just but just being able to uh navigate every day um in such a way that I wasn't depressed, that I wasn't uh feeling, you know, yeah, downtrodden and all the all the things that come with that.

SPEAKER_00 8:15

Well, as part of that, what were some of the milestones uh that felt significant in your healing process?

SPEAKER_01 8:22

Yeah, so that summer um after he passed, I took, I called myself taking a surjourn. So I got in my car. Uh there were some things that had precipitated that allowed me to be able to be gone. So I uh took a uh say a cross-country trip. It wasn't completely cross cross-country, but I got in my car and I just drove. Um, I of course mapped out who where I was gonna be going, be going. Yes, but I literally just got in my car and it was the most healing thing that I could have ever done by myself. Um, you know, hours in the car, singing, praising the Lord, crying. I mean, I just let it all go.

SPEAKER_03 9:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:10

Um, and I was uh my trip was about 10 days, and so um it was definitely an opportunity to just sort of purge, um, but laugh and cry and you know, and just thank God that I had had that time with him. And that, you know, okay, so to then open myself up to what what would be next, you know, what is next, um, and not holding um, you know, just not just not being in a depressed state. I I knew that I couldn't be there. I could I couldn't, uh, and there again, everybody's grieving process is different.

SPEAKER_04 9:47

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 9:47

And so for me, um, I knew and I kept hearing him say, live.

SPEAKER_00 9:53

Live. Live. That's so good, live.

SPEAKER_01 9:55

Yeah, live.

SPEAKER_00 9:56

For those of you just tuning in to this episode, Latanya Orr is an award-winning brand strategist, certified life coach, entrepreneur, and author whose work centers on resilience, healing, and purpose-driven leadership. She co-authored the highly acclaimed anthology, a and which we're gonna get into in a minute, which is a widow's resilience, wisdom keys for moving forward in life and love until death do us part. There she is, she's got it up. I love it. So as we move again through our show, uh uh is there something, is there anything you wish others understood about grieving or supporting someone who is grieving?

SPEAKER_01 10:36

Um, and as I mentioned, uh everyone's you know has to have their own experience. Um but what what I found with the ladies that uh contributed to the project, yes, our common thread is what you know, thread of course was that we were widows, but the ladies that participated in in this in this volume of work showed sure there's very sure signs of resilience and strength, and how they had walked through their individual uh stories, their individual uh experiences in such a way that uh just remarkable uh like the how, how they did it. And um, and and that's why resilience was just the the under was the underlying and the and the main theme of the project. And and that's what I really saw um with with this this group of women. They it was like, you know, when when when they shared their stories, let alone wrote the story. But when they you know, the first onside of us putting this together when they shared their story, I was just like the wow, like like really the wow factor that you know that they were indeed moving forward after loss, that they, you know, they had uh you know took the bull by the horns, if you will, saying, you know, I'm gonna push past yeah the you know the um the enemy of depression.

SPEAKER_00 12:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:13

I'm I'm we're gonna we're I'm no, I'm not gonna be in that space.

SPEAKER_00 12:18

So just to clarify, then, you know, as we're looking at this as part of our podcast series, Loss and Transformative Life, you said that you drove across country, but you did that solo, but later you found a group of widows who could kind of uh you formed this almost this informal community of healing, yes.

SPEAKER_01 12:36

Yes, indeed. Indeed. Uh as I'm uh you know, when I when I when he first passed, I was told to journal. I said, Tanya, you need to write. You need to write, you need to write it down, write how you feel. So that's what's sort of the started the project without me even knowing that's what I was doing. And so I wrote a um a discourse, if you will, a a chapter that I didn't know was a chapter, and I shared with uh a few people. And so when they read it, it was like, oh my God, this is a big this is a book. This is a book, you need to write the book. I said, no, I don't want to write the book. So I sat on that. That was you know, right after I said, right after he passed. And then I went on this sojourn, you know, and just life continued for almost uh a year. And then uh, and I need to put a pin there, but when I made the decision to go ahead with the project, um, I had, you know, thinking about it as an anthology project, like who, who, who am I asking? And inviting in. And so when I did that, I actually had another sort of epiphany. Like, I know that many widows. I got asked that, Tanya, you know that many widows. And so when I did my author interest call for the project, there was 30 plus women on the call. Wow, wow, and there were others that couldn't make the call. And so again, that re the realization and the revelation that um that here I am not intentional really at that moment to um put together a a project that ever all of these women I knew.

SPEAKER_04 14:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:26

And that was just like, what?

SPEAKER_00 14:29

You know, yeah, it it's an amazing number, a staggering number of women that become uh widows every single day. And so I think your book would be very helpful for them. Um and as would be before right before we go to your book, um what advice would you give someone who has recently lost a spouse? Like it's dark. It's yeah, I mean, I can't imagine that kind of a crushing darkness. And I know your faith is strong, but outside of your faith, what practical steps did you take, Tanya? And Tanya, excuse me, uh in terms of uh rebuilding your life and getting back on track outside of your faith walk?

SPEAKER_01 15:08

Um family, friends, my friends, my best friend, my my bestie, um just surrounding myself with people who um and again not necessarily intentionally surrounding my people, but those who wanted to be in my space to uh to um to support me, however that was. Uh to, you know, hey, come come have dinner with us. Uh uh, you know, I did some um I stayed at that time up again, I was still living in Michigan, so um I was home. I was in Chicago. If I wasn't in Chicago, I went on my the again the trip and then um just kind of kept myself busy. My uh I I literally um was sort of intentional, not so much to occupy every moment of my time, but it just had just happened, and I believe I know it was God's hand on that on that, to continue to work, that I still had projects, people still wanted me to, you know, to work with them on their you know, marketing efforts, their branding, uh, helping people write their books. Um, so it allowed me to um uh to to carry on, you know, to continue to it, and so I definitely would recommend um you know write journaling, even though initially that was not something that I would have necessarily uh uh you know reached to do, you know, in terms of in terms of the healing process.

SPEAKER_02 16:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:48

But you know, definitely journaling.

SPEAKER_02 16:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:51

Um maybe you do name, and there are several of the women in the project, and then since then that I've met who are widows who took a trip. Uh uh a really good friend of mine just lost her husband, and she went, she finally had an opportunity, someone presented an opportunity for her to go to Ghana. So she had a pilgrimage, another another cleansing, healing journey uh very soon after her husband passed. And so just uh taking the time to maybe uh realize or identify what might make you um move move forward not as heavy. It's as heavy, it's gonna be heavy.

SPEAKER_00 17:40

Well, here's the thing with your story, which is very interesting. We talked about Jimmy uh and the and the darkness you say of that period and trying to move forward, and you moved forward indeed with Melvin.

SPEAKER_03 17:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:53

So how did that come about? Uh, and what was the distance? Uh, real quick, a shortly, well, I'm sorry, a short few words. Uh, what was the connection there to Melvin? And how did you feel as a widow remarrying again?

SPEAKER_01 18:07

Well, we met business, it was all business. Uh, he was referred to me to to work with him on his book project, mutual friend had suggested totally business. We met to uh review his project, and then it's it just uh was a dominant, it was like a snowball, but in such a great way, and you know, of course, learning again also that he's uh was a widower um and had lost his wife. So that was the common thread, um, and that uh uh indeed he was w wanting to move forward as well, and so we uh became good friends, fast friends, and um fast married.

SPEAKER_00 18:50

Well, you talk about traveling to places that you uh Jimmy wanted to go to, uh, but then you you actually went to those places with Melvin, I understand. Is that correct? And if you did, was it more melancholy? Was it cleansing, or just just the beauty of making a new uh experience, memory with Melvin?

SPEAKER_01 19:12

Oh, absolutely making new memories with Mel. Um uh of course, uh, you know, especially um, and I think I know I shared this with you uh offline, it was that um he but Jimmy and I had had dreamed of we were gonna go to Paris. We were going to Paris.

SPEAKER_02 19:29

Right.

SPEAKER_01 19:30

And so to f to to have made that trip with Melvin. So there was, you know, there was a moment I was like, oh, I said, you know, and I talked to him. I said, Hey Jimmy, I'm here, I'm Scotty, I'm here. Well, I made it, I made it, and I, you know, and and and um I know he would have been just so happy when I got there and uh with or without him. And so um I know he was with me in spirit on that trip, and and uh so yeah, so uh some of the things that the places and things and uh restaurants and food and all the things that we enjoy doing together, I have um had the opportunity to do that with Melbourne.

SPEAKER_00 20:13

Well, that's good to know, and I I want to encourage other widows that there is life after loss. Um I've got a dear friend of mine uh who her healing process, she said uh she told me that she lost the love of her life, but now she just wants to have company. And maybe you can speak to this, Tanya. There's a difference between being alone, knowing your spouse is coming back, versus being alone. And that's gotta be very challenging for a new widow, yes.

SPEAKER_01 20:42

Yes, yes, absolutely. And I mean being a young widow, I was in my 50s, early 50s. Yeah, so um, and that was something even when he and I hadn't been together that long, um, and hadn't been married that long. And so uh both second marriages for both of us, and and so I had always thought, okay, I'm I didn't want to go into the second half of my life alone. Yeah um, I'm you know, very much a career career woman. I you know, have all of that, and um, but I but I always knew, even as a young person, that I was a wife, that I wasn't a girlfriend, and there is a difference. Um and um so I so so what I would say to uh to to women, one, you've got to walk this as a widow, you have to walk this thing out the way you the way you feel as though you need to do it. Um but if you do want companionship, and that's that is that's you know, possibly okay that want companionship, uh, but allow yourself to be open to the to prospect that you you know about remarriage. I mean, it's there's nothing in the Bible that says that we can't remarry.

SPEAKER_04 22:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:05

And there's there's some stigma though. And especially in with my with my case, I had you know several people say, You sure you want to do that? You want to remarry? You know, all the sort of the negative things about so soon.

SPEAKER_00 22:18

Yeah, so oh my god, I got the so soon. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:21

And I'm like, well, okay, so where is it? I want them to find it.

SPEAKER_04 22:25

Right.

SPEAKER_01 22:26

That says that I can't, that that I that or that I shouldn't.

SPEAKER_00 22:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:31

And but again, it's personal preference.

SPEAKER_00 22:33

Sure. Personal preference.

SPEAKER_01 22:35

Personal preference, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:36

And I know you found a lot of personal preferences in your book, The Widow's Resilience: Wisdom Keys for Moving Forward in Life and Death Do Us Part, which is an excellent read. Um, how did you identify? You said you had 30 women that came together and you collected uh 14 stories. Uh, what was that pro? How did you winnow it down to 14 stories?

SPEAKER_01 23:01

Um, so once I actually, you know, put it put it pen to paper in terms of the um the process of the anthology project, the I mean, you know, there was it wasn't free to do. And so there was a um, you know, a monetary commitment to the project. Uh, I we kept it as minimal as possible. And so with that, some uh the some of those uh the other women who did not participate made a choice as to uh, you know, based on budgets and and that sort of thing, to not you know, be a contributor. And I was fine with that. I mean, I was absolutely fine with that. Uh since this, since this publication, a few have come to me and said, hey, now I'm ready. That was the other thing. It was it was some of it maybe may have been somewhat in terms of the financial um aspect, but but then I I knew that there were some women that hit that you know that we had included in that original uh author interest call that were not ready to tell their story for whatever reason.

SPEAKER_00 24:01

Okay, for whatever reason.

SPEAKER_01 24:03

For whatever reason, yeah. Just not ready to, oh no, I don't want to deal with it. Uh want interested, but yet reserved, like, okay, maybe I'm not ready to actually put pen to paper.

SPEAKER_00 24:18

Maybe I'm just just being a matter of too soon.

SPEAKER_01 24:21

Might have been too soon. Um, there was one whose story, um, she had been widowed a uh a while, and she just was like, I just don't want to. I thought I might, but I just don't want to talk about it. Now, and again what I knew about her story, it was nothing negative. It was just that she wasn't ready to uh I guess pull the trigger on telling her story. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:54

But you know, the thing I like about your book, excuse me, the thing I like about your book is that you look across cultures, and uh and there was one culture that you had mentioned where in your book you describe where the widow is actually blamed for the husband's death, number one, number one, she and she she can never remarry, number two, but how do you how I don't I can't get my head around a culture that says if you have a brain aneurysm or a heart attack, it's the wife's fault, and she becomes uh the stigma for the remainder of her days.

SPEAKER_01 25:28

Yeah, I I did not realize that. I was just like just floored that that um, you know, of all the things, you know, even as we were talking about, you know, getting married, remarried so soon. So, you know, that that that that piece of it. Um and and that's really much more in sort of in Western culture, you know, about that. But then to learn, you know, that there are cultures out there, uh, the Asian culture, some of the African um beliefs and customs uh also who like no you're not to remarry. And if you are, you know, that there is this connection somehow with if your husband, you know, passed away, that somehow you're not you're not supposed to continue your life, at least as a as a wife, as a wife, that you know, yes, you live, but oh no, you should never remarry. Wow. And wow, and I'm a you know, and these are again, these are women who were young women, you know, there's we're not talking about uh, you know, an an 80-year-old woman, which is a widow, which is a different story. Um, but but you know, when you're 40, 40, 50 years old and been married, uh, several of my the even those who were participating in the project have been married in uh decades, 30.

SPEAKER_03 26:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:51

Um, but still they had married early, they had married young. And so to have uh to go into that second half, that second half of your life where you have, you know, the most of the women had children who were they they she was they were already empty nesters. So, okay, so now I get to live a life with you, and we don't, the kids ain't aren't here, and so but now I now have to shift into or pivot into a life without you as well as the fact that I'm an empty nester. So just all of the the things having to do with that. Um, but it but but culturally it was just very amazing to me that that that that indeed, like really, like I felt like when they said those, shared those things, like what year are we in? What you know, like this could have been something that was, you know, back in the day, yeah, two, three hundred years ago.

SPEAKER_03 27:46

Right.

SPEAKER_01 27:47

We're talking about modern times, that those customs and and thought processes were would still be in play in the 21st century.

SPEAKER_00 27:57

I look forward to uh sharing their stories as well, and I encourage our our our our listeners to also uh tune into a future edition of Lost and Transformative Life, where we'll share their stories and more real stories as well. As we reach our close, um Tanya, from your book, what's the most salient thought you would share with widows?

SPEAKER_01 28:24

Um so in my coaching, my my coaching practice and my in my business practices, I I I believe I offer transformation. And so to be open to transforming your life, you know, be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind. And so that is applies not just to uh your work, but your entire life, and that's when it comes to yes, dealing with the grief and the loss, but use that as a transformative uh moment in your life um for the better.

SPEAKER_00 29:10

That's good for the better for the better, and that'll be our last words. We reach the end of this episode of Loss and Transformative Life. Thanks to Latanya Orr for sharing your inspirational story, which is also included in your anthology book. How do listeners contact you or get a copy of the book?

SPEAKER_01 29:29

So they can contact me at uh I will give you my email address uh that I prefer to receive uh uh comments. Please, please feel free to reach out. Um, it's hello at the foundhers suite.com and that's found f o n d h hers, h-e-r-s suite, so two s's together uh.com. Um, definitely would welcome any comments anyone has in regard to purchasing the book. The book is available on Amazon. Um, all you have to do is do in the search uh widows resilience and my name, and the you can purchase it right online and uh through Amazon and and get you however many copies you need.

SPEAKER_00 30:18

We encourage widows to buy as many copies as they may need to share with other widows. And also we want you to share this episode, share this series because each episode of Coping with Loss and Transformational Change, Transformative Change is designed to offer support, inspiration, and practical advice for widows navigating this journey. Our conversations will feature real life stories and helpful resources aimed at fostering connection and hope to help you survive a very challenging period. This series is designed to provide support, inspiration, and useful advice for widows on their personal journeys. Throughout our discussions, you will hear authentic experiences and resources that encourage connection and hope. Only by weaving together diverse stories and perspectives, this series creates a rich tapestry of insights and wisdom from those who have faced the challenges 200 2800 new widows in the U.S. experience every day. Past episodes, including this one, can also be enjoyed on my website, awg55.com, under the tab Coping. And now your quote for today Even in moments of quiet, remember that you are wrapped in the strength of those who care. Your journey is never walked alone. Thanks for listening, and bye for now.