Episode 8 Still Learning to Celebrate Myself

This past weekend, I attended an event surrounded by inspiring, accomplished, and transparent women and somehow the moment that stayed with me most was a simple question I couldn’t answer:

“How do you celebrate yourself?”

In this episode, I reflect on what that question revealed in me, the emotional impact of being in rooms I once prayed for, and why so many women know how to survive, achieve, and care for others… but struggle to celebrate themselves outside of accomplishment.

We’re talking about visibility, softness, self-worth, answered prayers, and learning to take up space while still becoming.

In process, Erica

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

I went to an event this weekend surrounded by some of the most powerful women. Beautiful, I mean, gorgeous. And somehow the thing that stayed with me the most was a question I could not answer.

SPEAKER_00 0:20

How do you celebrate yourself? And honestly, I froze.

SPEAKER_01 0:29

Not because I did not want to answer, but because I realized I genuinely did not know. And that realization followed me all the way home. Welcome to First Messy Draft, where becoming is messy, but growth is real. I'm Erica, and this is a space where we slow down and reflect on life while we're still in the middle of our begumming. So this past weekend, I went to an all female event at Napa Cafe, thrown by the one and only Stephanie White. Yeah, I had to name drop your name, Stephanie, if you are listening. First of all, the women they showed up and donned in their long evening gowns, beautiful energy, polished, professional. I mean business owners, leaders, these women who were well spoken, accomplished, transparent, open, all the things, honestly, just inspiring to be around them. And one thing I immediately noticed was there is like no weird energy, no gatekeeping, no competition, not trying to, you know, sit over the table from one another and size each other up, none of that. Just women talking honestly about their lives, growth, businesses, purpose. And I remember sitting there thinking, okay, this is really nice. You know, sometimes as women, especially when you're growing and evolving, you really do desire community. Not forced connections, just genuine people. And probably one thing about me, I'm definitely going to listen more than I talk at first. That's just me. That's how I've always been. So while everybody's sharing and speaking, I'm sitting there quietly, you know, just observing what I do. And apparently my quietness made an impression on my friend Stephanie because she introduces me as the quiet storm. I'm like, oh God. That sounds kind of cray. And I have never been called that by that. So then I get to thinking when I got home, I'm like, hmm, that might be one of the most accurate descriptions of me I've ever heard. Truthfully, I may not always be the loudest person in the room. But I do I feel like I do feel things deeply, observe deeply, reflect deeply. And woof. The next part stayed with me. At one point, Stephanie asked that question, how do we celebrate ourselves?

SPEAKER_00 4:13

I felt my shoulders tense.

SPEAKER_01 4:17

I mean I was literally thinking hard. Do you hear me? Everybody starts to answer going around the table. They have some great responses. And when he got to me, crickets. I mean, I literally had nothing. Like completely blank. When I tell you white sheet of paper, empty, it was no messy drafts on their piece of paper. And the crazy part is, I don't think it was was it because I was shy or nervous to respond.

SPEAKER_00 5:00

But I genuinely did not have an answer.

SPEAKER_01 5:08

I even was so silly enough to say, I can't think of anything now, but I I'm having um I'm planning my birthday party um to celebrate myself next year. And that's actually over 365 days away, seeing as I just had a birthday, April 27th. I was like, I know that sounds horrible.

SPEAKER_00 5:33

But seriously, I could not think of anything, you guys.

SPEAKER_01 5:37

So after I left that event, that question has followed me all the way home, day after day. I even talked to my husband about it. And he was like, wow, that is a good question. So I did find myself doing some more reflecting and writing in my journal. I realized that I know how to work, how to push through to care for people, how to achieve things. Achieve it, check it off, move on to the next responsibility. That's just how my body and my mind have been on autopilot for so long. But celebrate myself? I don't know if I fully learned that yet. And I wonder how many other women feel the same way. Like, literally, we know how to reward ourselves after the point of exhaustion. But I mean not to I mean, do we really celebrate ourselves simply for existing? I'm just gonna celebrate myself today for no odd reason, just because I want to for growing, for becoming So maybe that's why this moment hit me like it did. Because I'm realizing there are parts of me that are still learning how to receive joy when someone offers me something, I am so used to saying, Oh no, no, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 7:35

No, that's okay.

SPEAKER_01 7:40

But I'm I'm learning that I must learn how to receive joy. Visibility. Once again, being visible on this podcast, yes, you can just hear my voice, but being visible on social media and all the things to promote yourself.

SPEAKER_00 8:03

I'm learning how to receive softness without feeling like I have to earn it first.

SPEAKER_01 8:14

But I will say the room inspired me. The women inspired me. And also the fact that some of them actually volunteered to be on my podcast for an interview. I haven't even gotten to my, I say my Oprah genesequa. Whenever I get into that level yet, I know it's coming. I know it is. But I've got to get my nerve built up.

SPEAKER_00 8:43

That's what I keep telling myself.

SPEAKER_01 8:47

But the fact that they did volunteer meant more to me than they will probably ever realize. Because they don't know me from Adam.

SPEAKER_00 8:57

I mean, they literally just met me last weekend.

SPEAKER_01 9:05

But I do know because God, sometimes God will place you in rooms just to show you what's possible, to remind you that your voice belongs there too. Even if you're still figuring things out in real time, even if your voice shakes a little, and even if you are still becoming. So maybe this season of my life isn't about learning how to be louder. Maybe it's about learning how to fully take up space just as myself. The quiet storm and all. Maybe I need to use that as a tag line. Nah, I'll just stick with Becomey's messy growth is real. Okay, let me get back. Okay. So I will leave that question with you today. How do you celebrate yourself? I mean not what you've accomplished or survived or produced.

SPEAKER_00 10:27

Just you as you are, still becoming.

SPEAKER_01 10:36

And maybe, just maybe, that's where the real growth begins. Once again, this is First Messy Draft, where becoming is messy and growth is real. See you next time.