🎙️ EPISODE 14: You Can’t Build Wealth on a Broken Mind

This episode is different.

We’ve been talking about mindset and finances… but today, we go deeper.

Because the truth is…

You can have the strategy.
You can have the opportunity.
You can even have the resources…

👉🏽 But if your mind isn’t right… none of it works.

💭 In this episode, we talk about mental health and how it impacts:
✔ Your decisions
✔ Your discipline
✔ Your finances
✔ Your life

🎙️ Special Guest:
Danyella Berry
Founder of Beyond the Brokenness Mental Wellness Solutions, LLC

We’re having a real, honest conversation about healing, growth, and what it truly takes to move forward.

Because you cannot build a strong life on a broken mind.

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…and more

🔍 Just search: Life, Finance, & Real Estate with KirbyTheRealtor

💬 Let’s stay connected:
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📣 Kirby’s Message:
Let’s grow… not just financially, but mentally and spiritually too.

#LifeFinanceRealEstate #KirbyTheRealtor #MentalHealthMatters #OwnYourLife #OwnAPieceOfAmerica #MindsetFirst

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Life, Finance and Real Estate, where we discuss how to make smart money moves, the ever-changing real estate market, and of course, things going on in life. And here to talk about it more with you is your host, Kirby the Root.

SPEAKER_04 1:29

Hey family, hey family, hey family. Welcome back to Life, Finance, and Real Estate with the girl Kirby the Realtor. Yes, that's me. Listen, I'm here. We don't just talk about one thing. We talk about a variety of things. We've been hitting mindset and finance a lot lately. But today I want to switch it up just a little bit. So as you know, we don't just talk about money on here. We talk about mindset, ownership, discipline, and the decisions that can shape your life. Because the truth is, you can have strategy, you can have the opportunities, you can have all the resources. But if your mind isn't right, none of it works. Now, before we get into today's conversation, I want to take a moment to catch everyone up, especially if this is just your first time tuning in. Last week on Life, Finance, and Real Estate, we had a powerful conversation about credit. And we didn't just talk about the numbers or just your scores, but we talked about what credit really represents in your life. We talked about how your credit is not just a number, it's a reflection of your habits, your decisions, and sometimes even seasons. Because let's be honest, life happens. And sometimes it's not that you didn't know better. Sometimes it's just that you're in survival mode. And y'all, I can attest to survival mode. And one of the biggest things we discuss is how many people feel stuck or even ashamed when it comes to their credit. They feel like, man, I messed up. It's too late. I'm too far behind. But what we learned is it is not over. There's a song that says it's not over, it's not finished. Y'all, there's another that says it's only a test. Your credit can be restored. Your situations can change, and you can take back control one decision at a time. You don't have to be in a big rush, but just know that it is possible. You can restore. God told you in his word, he will restore it to you. We also talked about how credit impacts more than just buying a home. It affects your ability to get approved. It affects your your interest rate. It affects how you pay over time. And ultimately, it affects your access to opportunities. Do you know you can miss out on opportunities if you're not where you need to be credit-wise and financially? And I shared a part of my own journey because everything I bring to this platform, y'all, literally, the people I bring, everything I bring, I've either used them, they've helped me, they've blessed me along the way. So none of this is theory or me just talking to you because I read a book. It's because I've lived it. I've lived it and I've had to learn, I've had to grow, I've had to make adjustments just like many of you have, and that you're going to do. And that's why I'm so passionate about bringing real conversation and real solutions to the table. We also discussed the importance of understanding how credit works. Not avoiding your credit, not ignoring it, because what you don't understand, what you don't dig into, you can't fix it. And what you avoid will eventually cost you. Y'all remember we talked about every hour cost you something? It costs you your time. Avoiding things can cost you. And one thing that really stood out in the conversation was this a lot of people don't have a money problem, they have a knowledge gap. They were never taught, they were never shown. I literally just had a conversation on yesterday about, you know, you want to open a business and we see the surface. We only know what's on the surface, but we don't understand the little small, minor, minute detailed things that people seem to overlook, but it it makes you overlook it, but it you really need to know and understand how to do it. And sometimes we just try to make it day by day. But once you know better, you do better. And that's what this show is all about. It's about closing the gap, shortening your learning curve. It's about giving you the information, the tools, and the perspective you need so you can move forward with confidence. But here's where I want to take it a step further today. I want to take it a step further because while we talked about fixing your credit and we talked about taking control of your financial life, we also talked about five mindset in the beginning. There's something deeper than that we have to address and that we seem to often ignore and be downplayed, and that is your mental and emotional well-being. So today we're going beyond the numbers, we're talking about what's going on internally because that's what that's what ultimately shaped what shows up externally, because you can fix your credit, you can increase your income, and you can get the opportunities. But if your mind is overwhelmed, if you carry stress, trauma, or things you've dealt with, it will show up in your decisions, it will show up in your discipline, and it will show up in your life. And that's why this conversation today is so important because this is still life, finance, and real estate, and your mental health is not separate from that, it is a part of it. So today I want to bring to you someone into the room who is doing the work on the other side of what people don't always talk about: healing, processing, rebuilding. So let's get into it. I want to introduce to you all my friend Danielle Berry, founder of Beyond the Brokenness Mental Wellness Solutions. All right, so can you tell us a little bit about who you are, what you do, and what inspired you to create Beyond the Brokenness Mental Wellness Solutions?

SPEAKER_03 7:23

So I am Daniela Beary, a licensed clinical social worker. Um Beyond the Brokenness was created ultimately because God told me to. Not what I would have chosen for myself, but I hurt God and I wouldn't change it for anything. But we're a safe space where individuals get to calm and we assist them with navigating life's hard places, those emotionally difficult, mentally difficult, and even those spiritually difficult places. Gotcha.

SPEAKER_04 8:02

Um, also for someone listening right now who may hear the term mental health but not fully understand what that looks like in like everyday life. Because sometimes when you hear mental, most people think you're crazy and stuff like that. How would you break that down in a real practical way for them?

SPEAKER_03 8:21

So mental health is not just a diagnosis or therapy session. It's ultimately how you think, feel, and function every single day. Our mental health shows up in how we respond to stress, how we make decisions, how we handle relationships, whether or not we rest or constantly feel overwhelmed, even how we talk to ourselves.

SPEAKER_04 8:46

Gotcha. Um, so how does unhealed trauma show up in people in everyday decisions? Like if you got unhealed trauma, how does that show up in their everyday decisions?

SPEAKER_03 9:00

Unhealed trauma shows up in what we tolerate, what we avoid, and what we believe we deserve. It looks like um staying in an unhealthy relationship, not trusting or fear of trusting people, um, overworking to feel worthy, avoiding opportunities because of fear of failure or needing to control everything.

SPEAKER_04 9:33

Oh, that last part, needing to control everything. I can identify with that, and I think a lot of us can, especially when you're entrepreneurs and working for yourself, and it's that fear of just letting go um and letting somebody else do it because of what has happened, and that's that trauma again. So um, so can mental health affect how someone handles their um money, their opportunities in relationships? Do you believe that mental health affects that?

SPEAKER_03 10:04

Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely. So mental health impacts money when it comes to like impulsive spending, fear of investing, um, lack of financial discipline, or even overworking when it comes to like opportunities that's that self-doubt, imposter syndrome, or procrastination. And then um, like in relationships, um, mental health impacts like communication, me being able to trust you, trust you with my money, trust you with um my thoughts and that emotional unavailability. A lot of times it's not that people don't want better, it's the um that I internally don't feel safe inside. I don't, my brain, my thoughts, they're not safe. I don't feel worthy, or I don't feel prepared um for more. And a lot of that comes from our past experiences or reinforced beliefs from things that we've been taught or told in the past.

SPEAKER_04 11:12

That is true. Um, so I have another question why do you think people self-sabotage even when they have the opportunity to win? Like, why do they self-sabotage?

SPEAKER_03 11:28

So because that's what's familiar to me. Like, um, you know, sometimes we look at the state as failures, and so, or you know, things that are that didn't go so well. And so that becomes familiar. So self-sabotage is uh the the effects of it, not getting it, not meeting the mark, not reaching the goal. It's just something that seems natural. It seems like I'm used to this. Sometimes winning requires a level of healing, responsibility, or visibility that I'm not ready for. Like I don't know what success looks like. So instead, um I go back to what feels familiar, even if it's unhealthy. Also, if if a person doesn't believe that they deserve something, they eventually disrupt it. If I don't believe that I deserve to be in a happy, healthy, safe relationship, I'ma disrupt that. You can't maintain what you don't believe you're worthy of. You don't believe you're worthy of nice things, you won't maintain them.

SPEAKER_04 12:44

That's true. I remember, you know, years ago, there was a relationship where when if you've been hurt or, you know, you may have done some things, you're like, I don't deserve this man. I've heard women say that, or men say I don't deserve her because of their past. So they would not communicate, they will avoid having conversations or, you know, doing nice things or just being in that person's presence because they felt like, well, I don't deserve her. She deserves better, or I don't deserve him. He deserves so much better. So I think too, even, you know, seeing that you have an opportunity to be with someone, but because you feel like you're not worthy, you missed that opportunity. Right, right, right. Um, what are some signs someone that you what are some signs that you may see someone having that you can tell they're struggling mentally, but does they don't realize it? What are some of those signs?

SPEAKER_03 13:38

Oh, we see them a lot in the streets. Constant irritability or mood swing. So in one of our assessments we do, there's a question that says, Are you easily irritated or agitated? That's a sign that you're struggling mentally. Like if everything ticks me off or agitates me. I mean, I'm just, I mean, I'm I what they say, I go from zero to a hundred real quick. Yeah, I'm just struggling. Overworking or staying busy to avoid feelings. You're struggling mentally. Unable or difficult in making decisions. Yep. Isolating from others, so numb feeling or disconnected, just feeling numb or disconnected. Um, and when we do this, sometimes we just say whatever. I don't I don't care. Um, trouble sleeping, I'm always feeling tired. And then that negative self-talk, a lot of people think they're just tired or just stressed, but it's deeper than that. If I've gotten, you know, I'm in the bed by 8:30. And um, if I'm in the bed by 8:30 and I get from 8:30 to 4:30 hours, you know, 8m of sleep, that's 9:30, 10, 30, 11, 12, 11:30, 12, 1, 2, 3, 4. That's actually eight hours of sleep. If I'm getting eight hours of sleep and I still wake up tired, it's deeper than that.

SPEAKER_04 14:59

Hmm. I might need to come sit on the couch.

SPEAKER_01 15:04

No, I gotta go there. I wake up tired some days.

SPEAKER_03 15:11

Oh, wow. I was that good sleep, and I'm still waking up tired. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:16

Okay. What are some unhealthy coping habits people have normalized, but they're actually hurting themselves?

SPEAKER_03 15:25

I said this so much, and I feel like it's relevant for you and for me. Um, and and a lot of people they laugh at me. Now they're like, damn, how do you do everything you do? Because I set boundaries. An unhealthy coping habit would be overworking and calling it, I'm just on the grind. I'm on the grind Monday through Friday from eight to five. Well, Friday I get out at 12. Um, avoiding it, ignoring problems, um, thinking they're gonna go away. That's unhealthy. You can sleep all day. When you wake up, this ain't probably gonna be back at you. Um, emotionally eating or not eating. Constantly scrolling on social media, suppressing times how I slowed down, I went done. Like, if that's what it is. Constantly scrolling on social media, and we call it distraction. Always is a distraction, um, suppressing emotions instead of processing them. Like, um, I'm very in tune with how I feel. Like I'm I'm tired today, like emotionally tired, or I feel alone, or I feel overwhelmed, but some people will that's not how I feel, but some people will have those feelings and be like, no, don't just just deal with it. Just deal with it. That's not that's not healthy. Um, and then the last one is people pleasing. Those are unhealthy coping habits, people pleasing, yes, they feel normal because we do them all the time, but they ain't healthy.

SPEAKER_04 17:06

It's like being a yes man, huh? You're yeah, it's real bad. I understand. So for a self-employed, because you know, there's different, I guess, realms. I'm I'm a realtor, right? And I feel like so. You said from eight to five, these are my hours and weekends, you know, that's mine. Sometimes I think for me, just personally, I know someone out there may be dealing with the same thing when you're in that count that line of work. It's hard to shut it off on the weekends because if someone reaches out to you and you even I've learned to set boundaries if I plan things with my family because they come first, but that took me some years to understand how important that was. But for people that are in like my kind of line of work of business, you can miss out on opportunities or clients because that one person's like, well, it's the weekend, I'm gonna call the next person. And my thing would used to be that fear of missing out of I maybe missing a potential client or income because I wasn't available. What would you say to someone like me that was in that space many years ago? Well, what would be something you could, some advice?

SPEAKER_03 18:14

So, you know, I own a boutique, right? And the coolest thing about owning a boutique is I got all this inventory. I got a whole bunch of stuff, y'all. And um, I miss a lot of sales because people will wait until it's Friday after 12, Saturday or Sunday, and they haven't scheduled an appointment and it's an emergency for them. But it's outside of my hours. Every sale ain't for me. Every customer ain't for me. That's even in therapy, they're not for me. And so, really, just being able to say, I'm I believe, I believe God like wholeheartedly. So anything that's for me is for me. I'm not gonna miss it. I'm not gonna miss it. And so we have to change the way our mind really um really processes that. And so I'll be available. I'm I'm I'm I'm available some weekend, but if I'm available every weekend, just imagine what it's doing to you to always, and that's the anxiety piece too. If I turn my phone off, am I gonna miss a sale? If I don't answer, am I gonna miss a sale? I work hard from eight to five Monday through Thursday and eight to twelve on Friday. So if I miss a sale or somebody just was scheduling an appointment with me, it wasn't for me, it wasn't my assignment.

SPEAKER_04 19:48

That's real because I was there for many, many years, and it took forever to learn that. But it's important to know that your even other people's emergencies are not your emergencies. That took a while to learn. Your emergency is not my emergency, and I'm guilty. Um, and you've come through many, many times for me, but there was time you had to say, no, sis, I'm not there, or you know, wait until the last minute because I forgot. You know, oh I forgot we got an event, you gotta dress. And uh, so when I can, you know what all day. But when I can, I ain't I can't pull you nothing out, right? But I appreciate it because I you know she gives MVP services, VIP services. I'm sorry. Yeah, I mean, you know, it is what it is. Well, one of the major questions I think I have is like, why do you think people are still afraid to talk about mental health? Why does it bother them to even talk about mental health?

SPEAKER_03 20:48

So a few stigmas, fear judgment, cultural conditioning, and then cult. A lot of people were raised to believe that what happens in this house stays in this house, that's cultural. Like I know my daddy said it all the time, and I'm holding. Um just pray about it. I came from a faith-based background that you know that that that was said a lot too. And then be strong. If I'm seeking mental health, then I got to be real crazy or it's a sign of weakness. But strength without support leads to burnout. You just think about it. They they always we use the phrase, I'm the lowest person on the totem pole. What people fail to realize is the lowest person on the totem pole is the person that's holding everybody up. So that literally means that you're the strongest person, but it's typically the person at the low that's on the lowest of the totem pole that doesn't ask for help. Because the mentality is you should be strong enough. You ain't doing much, you should be able to handle this, but it's not. So we really have to change the way we think. We have learned. So many um generations before us to stay silent, to handle it, to deal with it. And so now we have to unlearn the generations or the generational stigma of just deal with it, be strong, get over it. Don't tell nobody. We gotta unlearn things.

SPEAKER_04 22:24

That's true. That's true. Um, I want to touch on this. How do how do you balance faith and mental health? Because there are people who pray, but they still feel, you know, a sense of heaviness or burden. Um, I can remember calling a friend one time. It's like, you know, I pray every day, but I still just feel so like I would use that word blah. I feel like my day is just blah. I just feel so heavy, like I don't know what to do. And I remember her saying, you just need to praise. Just praise, begin to praise God. But as a counselor, how do you how do you balance your faith and mental health?

SPEAKER_03 22:58

So my faith and my mental health go hand in hand. It's not a competition. Like in reality, I can't do this without my faith. My mental health would be crazy. Um, I like what your friend said, just praise, because when I identify something that's going on, I gotta go into action. Prayer is powerful. God is a healer, He gives us tools such as wisdom, community, therapy, and accountability. Faith doesn't replace the work, it supports it. I believe that God is going to provide. But if I'm if I'm short on money and I believe God is gonna provide, and all I do is sit in my house, in my bed, I don't go to work, I don't communicate with anybody. Well, okay. You can pray and go to therapy. You can trust God and still process your emotions. Healing is spiritual, but it's also practical. If I need a financial breakthrough, I'm gonna have to do one of a few things outside of praying. I'm gonna have to get a job, work more hours, or ask somebody, hey, let me hold some money. Or I'm gonna have to do something so that unexpected check can come in the mail. Maybe I didn't apply for something. Maybe, you know, maybe I done done something in the past. I'm gonna have to do something.

SPEAKER_04 24:27

Gotcha. What are two or three practical things someone can start doing today to take care of their mental health? And when is it time for someone to say, I need help, professional help, not just friends, but I need professional help.

SPEAKER_03 24:44

I believe that everybody needs a therapist. Um, the therapist has to. And so I I believe that it's important that instead of us like her, you know, me, me, you we'll shoot the bull, but going to someone professional is not personal opinion. It's professional, evidence-based, um, practical tools that have seen, I mean, research-based that this works, but it doesn't work for everybody. So definitely go to a therapist. You don't have to necessarily see them every day, every week, every month. Some of my patients I only see like once a quarter. And it's because they really don't have any severe crises, they've processed some of their trauma. Um, and so we do it based off of that. The other thing is start taking care of yourself. Every morning, if you follow me on TikTok, you see me, you know, smiling. I'm in tune with what I need, how I feel. If I don't feel good, then I'm asking myself, Daniella, what is it that you need so that you can feel good? Like I want to feel myself. I've identified what feeling myself looks like. That's me smiling, me shining, me letting my light shine so that others can see God is man, your goodness. You know what I mean? Um, if I'm in a bad mood, if I'm feeling blah, how do I interact with people? And so I'm always trying to do things that fill my cup. So my interaction with you is that of positivity. Remove yourself from negativity if you got a lot of it around you, and sometimes that's family and friends.

SPEAKER_04 26:27

Gotcha. So, is there anything else you would like to add? You know, I know I asked a lot of questions, but is there anything else you want to add? Tell the people how to reach you. Um, anything you want to share?

SPEAKER_03 26:40

So, healing is not about becoming perfect, it's about becoming whole. And I believe that everybody deserves that. So, if you are looking to go on your journey from brokenness to healing, oh, healing, take us over Beyond the Brokenness Mental Wellness Solution. 601-602-3860.

SPEAKER_04 27:04

Thank you so much, Danielle. Listen, y'all, today we talked about mental health. Because before you can build wealth, you have to build you. Yo, before you can manage money, you have to manage your mind and your emotions. And before you can walk in authority, you have to be whole enough to carry it. So if this conversation spoke to you in any way, share it with someone because a lot of people are silently dealing with things they don't talk about. And take a moment to check in on yourself, self-reflect, check in, check in on yourself because growth is not just about what you gain, it is about what you heal. And if you need healing, if their relationships need healing, you need to heal it. But the main thing is you, Y-O-U. Now, if you've missed any part of today's show, don't worry. You can catch the replay on all major platforms. Just type in life, finance, and and real estate with Kirby the Realtor. And don't type the word A and D. Do the and sign. So Life Finance and Real Estate with Kirby the Realtor. We're on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, iHeartRadio, Overcast, Cashbox, Good Pods, and so many more platforms. And of course, we air every Thursday at 12 p.m. noon on 92.1 FM. So make sure you stay connected, stay plugged in, and most importantly, stay connected to becoming the best version of YOU. This is Kirby the Realtor, and this is Life Finance and Real Estate. See you soon. Bye for now.

SPEAKER_00 28:41

Thank you for tuning in to Life, Finance, and Real Estate with Kirby the Realtor. You can catch us every Thursday at 12 p.m. on 92.1 WJMG, 93.1 WGDQ. And also you can listen live at 921wjg.com or 931 WGDQ.com. If you happen to miss the live recording, don't fret. We'll replay it at 6 p.m. tonight. Thank you once again for listening to Life, Finance, and Realty.

SPEAKER_02 29:17

Stay down came up. Let me tell you about it.