Episode 30 | WHO'S HELPING YOU BUILD?

Not Everyone Helping You Swing a Hammer Should Help Build Your Life.

Who's helping build the life you're creating?

Every day we're influenced by the people around us—family, friends, coworkers, mentors, social media, and even complete strangers. Some of those voices help strengthen our foundation. Others can unknowingly create cracks in it.

In this episode of Life, Finance, & Real Estate with KirbyTheRealtor®, Kirby challenges listeners to think differently about the people they allow to influence their decisions, their finances, their relationships, and their future.

Through powerful lessons from real estate, construction, leadership, faith, and everyday life, you'll discover why not everyone with access to your life should have influence over it—and why God must always remain the Master Builder.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• Why every life is under construction.
• How to recognize the difference between builders, critics, and wrecking crews.
• Why wise counsel matters in your finances, relationships, and major life decisions.
• The importance of protecting your foundation before building your future.
• How inviting the right people—and the right Builder—can change everything.

If you've ever questioned whose advice to follow, struggled with outside opinions, or felt pulled in different directions, this episode is for you.

Remember:

"Not everybody who carries a hammer is qualified to build your future."
— Kirby L. Harrell

"I don't just teach you how to earn it. I teach you how to sustain it."

If this episode encouraged you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs to hear this message.

Own your life… so you can own a piece of America.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to life. Finance and real estate. Where we discuss how to make smart money moves. The ever-changing real estate market, and of course, things going on in life.

SPEAKER_02 1:38

Listen, as always, I want to begin by saying thank you. Thank you for making this show a part of your week. Whether you're listening on 92.1 FM, WJMG during your lunch break or catching the replay on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, or wherever you listen, I don't take a single listener for granted. Thank you for the text messages, the Facebook inboxes, the phone calls. Thank you to those who stopped me at church and the grocery stores at the office and while I'm out showing houses just to tell me that something we discussed on this show today helped you look at life just a little bit differently. Y'all, that means more to me than you will ever know because this show has never been about gaining more listeners. It's always been about changing lives. I don't teach you how to earn it only, I teach you how to what? Sustain it because success isn't about reaching a certain place, y'all. It's about having the wisdom and the foundation to remain there. And family, that's exactly what we're gonna talk about today. But before we jump in, can I be transparent with y'all for just a moment? One thing that I've learned over the years as a business owner, as a broker, as a wife, as a mother, as a leader, and simply as a woman trying to follow God's purpose is that not everybody who genuinely loves you knows how to help you build what God has called you to build. Let me repeat that. Not everybody who genuinely loves you knows how to help you build what God has called you to build. I've had people give me advice that sounded really good, right? But that wasn't right for where God was taking me. I had people tell me to play it safe when I felt God was calling me to step out on faith. I've had people tell me I was doing too much, dreaming too big, working too hard. And can I be honest? Most of those people weren't trying to hurt me. They were just trying to protect me based on what they had experienced or what they have seen other people experience. They weren't speaking from a bad place, they were actually just speaking from a familiar place. And y'all, there's a difference. Sometimes people don't speak from your future, they speak from their fears, their disappointments, their limitations. And if we're not careful, we'll start building our lives around someone else's limitations instead of God's visions for our life. I've also learned that disappointment can change you if you let it. When you've been hurt, when you when people have let you down, when you reach a place where you don't want to trust anybody anymore, you build walls. Trust me, I've been there, y'all. I've been there, I've done it, and I've been there recently. You stopped sharing your dream, you stopped asking for help, you stopped. There was a time where I stopped pouring into people like I know I should, or that I my heart desired because of her past, her things that happened. And y'all, let me tell y'all, I've had moments where I thought maybe it would be easier just to do everything myself. But God reminded me that there's a difference between discernment and isolation. So my prayer changed, I said, God, give me more discernment. Give me more wisdom. Between wisdom and walls, he never called us to stop loving people. He never called us to stop pouring into people. He called us to become wiser about who we allow to influence us, who we allow in our circle, because not everybody who has access to you has authority in your life. And not everybody that wants access and that tries to show up like they're supporting you, they're not necessarily there to support you. So design is very important. And that realization, y'all, led me to today's conversation. One of the things that I love about real estate is that I get to watch people build dreams. Think about this: a young couple buying their first home, parents finally purchasing the house they've been praying for, an investor building wealth one property at a time, a new agent wanting to be a realtor and just passed their license. But y'all, something struck me really recently. I drove past the house under construction. There were trucks everywhere, workers with tool belts, um, lumber stacked in the yard, there was concrete being poured, there was somebody with dirt, you know, it was just a lot. And I sat there and I watched. I watched everybody because every single person on that job site had a purpose. The concrete crew wasn't installing the roof, that electrician wasn't hanging sheetrock. Everybody had an assignment. Everybody had influence. And after I started thinking, isn't that exactly how our lives work? Every one of us has people working on construction sites of our lives. You have your parents, your friends, your coworkers, your spouses, pastors, mentors, even people never that we've never personally met. The influencers, the authors, the podcasters, the people we follow online, they all leave something behind. Some leave wisdom, some even leave confusion, some hand us tools, others hand us baggage, which brings me to today's question. Who's helping you build? Not who's around you, not who's related to you, but who's actually helping you build the life that God has called you to build? Because listen, family, there's a major difference. Here's something I learned. Just because someone has access to your life doesn't mean they should have complete influence over your life. Those are two separate, completely different things. Some people have access because they're family, right? Because you work together, because you've known them since high school. But access doesn't automatically qualify someone to help build your future. If you were building dream your dream home tomorrow, would you just let anybody walk onto that job site with a hammer? Of course not. You want people who understand the blueprint, people who know what shortcuts today. Well, let me say I said that wrong. People who know that shortcuts today become expensive repairs tomorrow. So, why are we so careful about who builds our homes, but so careless about who influenced our lives? Because not everybody helping you swing the hammer should help you build your life. Some people are contractors, right? They come with wisdom, experience, and the right tools. Other people are wrecking crews, right? They don't even realize the damage they're causing. But every time you begin making progress, they introduce fear, doubt, unnecessary pressure. That doesn't always mean they're bad people. It simply means that they aren't qualified for the role you've given them. Let me make y'all laugh for a moment. Have you ever noticed anybody, um, everybody becomes like this financial expert when it's your money, right? That person with three max stock credit cards and has a five-year investment strategy for your retirement, or their friend who never owned the home explaining why you shouldn't buy one right now. I'm I'm trying to make a point. Everybody has an opinion, right? But not everybody has wisdom. And one of the greatest mistakes we make is confusing opinions with experience. So before you ask somebody for advice, ask yourself one simple question. Have they built what I'm trying to build? If I'm trying to build a healthy marriage, am I going to ask somebody who's never learned how to fight fair? If I'm trying to build financial freedom, am I going to follow somebody who spends every single dollar before payday? Because people reproduce what they practice, not what they preach. And let me say that again: people reproduce what they practice, not what they preach. You can tell me what you believe all day long, but your habits will show me what you truly follow. And let me say something equally important. This episode isn't about becoming judgmental. I don't want you to be a judgmental person. And it's not about going to cut off your friend from high school, okay? It's not about cutting off people every time they disagree with you. That's not wisdom. That's pride. There are people in my life who challenge me, who lovingly tell me what they think I'm, when they think I'm wrong, or when they know I'm wrong. They just tell me their accountability partners, and I'm grateful for them because builders don't just tell you what looks good. Builders tell you what needs to be done and how it should be done. And sometimes the greatest gift someone can give you is an honest conversation. Think about a home inspection, right? I can remember my very first home inspection I had, and I'm sure he wouldn't mind me um saying this, but Chris Morrell was the home inspector. And I had a client and she wanted to buy this home. It was um and it had foundation issues. And he was like, look, we we can't do this. And he began to explain, you know, all the reasons why. And I looked at my client and she was so distraught. But I said, Listen, at least he didn't just take your money because he didn't even charge her for the full inspection. But at least he didn't even just take your money. He explained and broke it down and he kept you from, you know, buying something that could cost you a lot of money down the road. It isn't designed to make your life difficult, it's designed to protect your investment. Imagine an inspector saying the electrical isn't up to code, but I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings, so they let it slide. You hired that inspector and he didn't do his job right. So now who are you upset with? His job isn't to make you comfortable. His job is to make sure that you, you know, the house is safe and that you're buying something that is not going to be an issue later. See, God will often place inspectors in our lives, people who love us enough to say, I think you're making a mistake. But there's a difference between an inspector and a critic, okay? A critic points out problems but never offers any solutions. An inspector points out problems because they want to protect what you're building. A critic talks about you, right? But an inspector talks to you. Everybody who disagrees with you isn't against you. And sometimes they're trying to protect you, but everybody who agrees with you isn't necessarily for you either, y'all. Some people will clap while you're walking straight towards a disaster because keeping your approval matters to them more than protecting your future. So, family, don't mistake applause for wisdom. One of the hardest lessons I've learned in leadership is that not everybody can go where God is taking you. And that doesn't make them bad people. It simply means different assignment requires different people. I've watched agents in their business full of excitement, ready to change their family's future. Then they go home and somebody says, real estate is too risky. You'll never make it. And before that agent even had a chance to build confidence, somebody's already tearing it down. Listen, family, be careful who gets to speak into the early stages of your dream because fresh concrete is easier to damage than cured concrete. And I want you to catch that. Fresh concrete is easier to damage than cured concrete. One careless step, and it's ruined before it ever gets the chance to become strong, but give it time to cure, and it becomes strong enough to carry the weight of an entire house. See, some of you are in the early stages of something God is building: a new business, a healthier marriage, a financial plan. Protect it while it's fresh. Everything doesn't need to be announced, everything doesn't need everybody's opinion. Sometimes God grows things privately before He reveals them publicly. The way you see develop roots underground, hidden before anyone ever sees evidence above the surface. Let's talk about finances for a minute because you know we're gonna always talk about finance, right? Have you ever noticed how generous people are with somebody else's money? Oh girl, you ought to buy. Go ahead and finance, live your best life. It's amazing how easy it is to spend somebody else's money. It's amazing. It's amazing how easy it is to spend the money somebody else has to repay, too. The people encouraging you to buy it is usually, they usually aren't the ones that have to have to repay it. They don't have to show up when that bill comes due, right? They don't have to show up when you don't book that trip, you put it on a firm, and y'all go live y'all's best life. And they had the cash and you didn't. That's why I tell people don't make permanent financial decisions based on temporary emotions. I teach my children that. Like you, temporary emotions, you want it because you see everybody else with it, and then you go spend all your money. Now you got zero dollars. Just because you can afford the payment doesn't mean you can afford the purchase. And Linda will tell you what you approved to borrow, but your goal and your peace should determine what you can comfortably afford. Every dollar y'all has an assigner. And that question is who's assigning it? You or somebody else influence? Sometimes we spend money to appear successful to people who won't be present when the consequences arise. Financial peace doesn't always look impressive. Sometimes it looks like driving the car for a little longer or simply saying, no, it isn't in the budget right now. Now, since we're talking money, let's talk with real estate. One of the biggest mistakes I see buyers make is listening to too many people. A buyer finds what I would say the perfect home. You see their eyes light up, they're excited, it's in the right school district, the payments just right, the inspection looks good. They already imagine how Christmas is gonna look. And then the phone calls start. Mama doesn't like the kitchen. The cousin says the neighborhood isn't what it used to be. Somebody on Facebook says the market about to crash, and then suddenly Joy leaves the room. Nothing changed about the house. The only thing changed was all those voices, right? That's why professionals exist, y'all. Not because we know everything, but because we've spent years studying what you're trying to do for the first time. If my car breaks down, I'm calling a mechanic. If I need surgery, I'm gonna call the doctor. So why one of the largest financial decisions most people will ever make do we suddenly start taking advice from Uncle Ray Ray, who bought a house 30 years ago? Or mommy and daddy who bought a house 30, 40 years ago. Not every opinion deserves a seat at your decision-making table. Some need to stay outside the construction fence because if you let everybody onto their job site, somebody's gonna start moving walls that were never supposed to be moved. Let's talk about marriage for a moment, okay? Marriage is one of the greatest construction projects you'll ever take on. It isn't built in the wedding, it's built in the thousands of ordinary moments that follow, the conversation, the forgiveness, the compromise, brick by brick, day by day. And one of the quickest ways to win a marriage is inviting too many outside contractors onto the job side. Every disagreement doesn't need a committee. I'm gonna say it again. Every disagreement doesn't need a committee. Some people don't help you repair relationships, they help you demolish them. And often because they're hurting themselves, um, they're hurting people, hand out like they handed out the broken tool, right? You I tell people sometimes, y'all trauma bunding. Both of y'all have issues and you're up there trauma bunding. That ain't cool. You don't need people who are gonna always take your side. You need people who are gonna care about the health of your that relationship. I've had mentors of people that have said, now you know you was wrong for X, Y, Z, or you shouldn't be, you know, like getting me together. You need those people. How did you contribute to the problem? What did you do wrong? Have you prayed about it? Are you trying to win the argument or protect the man? The right people don't feed the anger. They help you find wisdom in it. Now, parents, can I talk to you for a minute? Your children are watching you more than they're listening. They're watching how you handle disappointment, they watch how you talk about money, they watch how you treat your spouse, how you respond when life doesn't go your way. Now, you may think you're teaching them your words, you're really teaching them your example. So ask yourself, what are they watching you build? If they watch you handle money, would they learn stewardship or stress? If they watch your faith, would they see you pray or they or would they see you panic? Little eyes, little ears, they're learning from the construction site. And one day they'll use those same tools that they watch us use. Friendships, y'all, they deserve attention too. Real friends celebrate you. They don't secretly hope you fail. And real friends don't always tell you what you want to hear. Sometimes they tell you what you need to hear. Someone who can correct you without humiliating you, someone who can celebrate you without competing. And it's rare. I'm sorry, but it's very rare. And when you have that, you hold on to those people because those are your builders. Who's been carrying your ladder lately? Some jobs can't be done alone, y'all. Sometimes somebody has to have that steady ladder while you climb. Life wasn't meant to be lived alone, but it also wasn't meant to be lived with people who keep shaking the ladder while you're trying to climb. Some people stabilize you and others make every step feel uncertain. And wisdom is just learning the difference between it. As I prepared today's show, I thought about Nehemiah. Okay, most people remember him from um rebuilding the walls of Jerusalem. But it wasn't just about the wall, y'all. It was about protecting a future. And every time they make progress, somebody has something to say. Like there are there was always criticism, there was always doubt, and always someone trying to distract them from the assignment. Does that sound familiar? Maybe you decide to get your finances in order and someone says you're doing too much. Maybe you decide to start a business and someone says that's too risky. Maybe you decided to buy your first time and someone announced and the market isn't right. Whenever you decide to build something meaningful, I need you to already expect resistance because sometimes it's it's just confirmation you're moving in the right direction. Nehemiah didn't stop building because people criticized him. He stayed focused on the assignment. And sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is keep laying the bricks. I want you to imagine your life at a um construction site, right? The foundation has been poured, the walls are going up, some rooms are still under construction. Okay, close your eyes. And I need you to visualize this. Now look around. Who's there? Who's holding the blueprint? Who's constantly complaining? Who's adding value? And ask yourself, who's missing? Who is missing the need to be there? Maybe a mentor, an accountability partner, a realtor who tells the truth instead of just trying to make a sale. Sometimes it isn't only about removing the wrong people, it's about inviting the right ones onto the site. You may not need a large circle, you may need a wiser one. But before we end today, y'all, I want to turn the mirror around. Turn the mirror around because we spent this whole conversation examining everybody else. Let me ask you, what kind of builder are you? When people have a conversation with you, do they leave encouraged or do they leave exhausted? When your children watch you, are they learning fear? Are they learning faith? When someone shares a dream with you, do you help them build it? Or do it do you immediately just tell them why it won't work? See, maybe the greatest project God is working on isn't your house, isn't your career or your bank account. Maybe the greatest project is you because you cannot build a peaceful life with a heart full of bitterness. You cannot build financial freedom without financial discipline. And you cannot expect God to trust you with more if you unwillingly to store what he's already placed in your hands. And before we remove everybody else from the construction site, we need to stop handing ourselves the wrecking ball. Okay? Sometimes we sabotage our own progress, we procrastinate, and we compare, we doubt. We speak to ourselves in ways we never speak to someone we love. And you say things like, I'm not qualified, it's too late for me. Sometimes the loudest critic isn't outside of us. Sometimes the voices live within our own ears. So yes, examine your circle. But while you're doing that, I need you to examine your own thinking. So, family, before we leave today, there's one more builder we need to discuss because we haven't talked about the most important one of all. The most important one of all, can you guess who the most important builder is? I'm gonna help you out. The big G-O-D, God, okay? Even the most talented contractor can't build the right house without the correct blueprint. You can have the best crews, the best tools, the biggest budget, but everybody's building from a different set of plans. The house becomes a mess. How many times have we done that in our own life? We ask God to bless something we never asked him to design. We make our own plans, our own decisions, then ask him to co-sign what we've already decided. Ooh, the nerds. And when it falls apart, we wonder why. And the problem wasn't the builder, you just ignored the blueprint. Proverbs 3, 5 through 6 says, Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not onto your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him, and he shall what? Direct your past. Notice, it doesn't say God will build whatever you decide, it says he'll direct your past. He wants to be involved before the foundations every port, not just invited to the housewoman party. And the strongest houses, y'all, aren't built by the fastest builder. They're built by the ones who refuse to skip the foundation. And Jesus talked about two builders in Matthews. Both built houses, both faced the same storm, but the difference wasn't the storm. It was the foundation. One built on sin, one built on rocks. Storms reveal whether you have a house. Well, I'm sorry, storms don't reveal whether you have a house. Storms reveal what your house is built on. So maybe the question isn't how successful you look or how much money you've made. It's what is your life built on? Because if the foundation is solid, you can rebuild almost anything. And while God is the master builder, he never intended for us to build alone. That's why Ecclesiastes 4, 9 through 10 reminds us, two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. The right people don't compete with you, they come complement you. They don't tear down your vision, they strengthen it, and they show up while it's still under construction, not just when the house is finished. So before you go today, I want to leave you with a few questions. Who's helping you build? Who's influencing your decisions? Who's speaking into your finances, your faith, your marriage? Who has access to your plans? And if you have allowed them to hold the blueprint, maybe the biggest question of all is if someone invited you onto their construction site, would they be better because you're there? Or would they spend years repairing the damage? I want to leave you with this today. Not everybody who carries a hammer is qualified to build your future, okay? These are Kirby originals. People reproduce what they practice, not what they preach. Everybody in your life is holding a tool. Some are helping build your future, others are quietly tearing it down. But wisdom is knowing the difference. Be careful who hand who you hand your blueprint to. The people with access to your plans often influence the direction of your future. Listen, family, thank you for spending part of your day with me. I pray this conversation challenges you to look differently at the voices and the influence shaping your life and at the examples you're setting for others because every day, every day, you're building something, and every day someone else is being shaped by the way you build. Remember, family, your life is under construction every single day. Choose your builder wisely, choose your blueprint carefully, and choose your construction crew with discernment because what you build today may become someone else's shelter tomorrow. Until next time, this is Kirby the Realtor, reminding you: don't just chase success, build significance, don't just earn wealth, learn to what? Sustain it. Don't just own property, own your life so you can own a piece of America. Bye for now. See you soon.

SPEAKER_00 28:13

Thank you for tuning in to Life, Finance, and Real Estate with Kirby the Realtor. You can catch us every Thursday at 12 p.m. on 92.1 WJMG, 93.1 WGDQ. And also you can listen live at 921wjmg.com or 931 WGDQ.com. If you happen to miss the live recording, don't fret, we'll replay it at 6 p.m. tonight. Thank you once again for listening to Life, Finance, and Real.