The Scars That Make You Stronger: Why Growth Isn’t Meant to Be Easy

What if the hardest moments in your life… are shaping your most powerful self?

In this deeply moving episode, Dr. Tanya Prewitt-White shares why real growth isn’t found in comfort but in the moments that challenge you, stretch you, and leave a mark. 

If you’ve been avoiding the hard path or questioning your journey, this episode will shift everything.

Hit play and discover why your scars aren’t your weakness. They’re your power.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

If you have it's possible on paper, but it's busted on the inside. If it's either hasn't brought you the happiness you expected. If there's a quite little voice that keeps asking, is this really all there is? Then this podcast is for you. Here's your host, executive coach, and guide for high-achieving women, Dr. Tanya Frewitt White.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

Welcome to Success to Soul! I'm your host, Dr. Tanya, and it is so important that we are together again today. Because today's conversation is one that I think many of us quietly need, but we don't always hear out loud. Let's be honest, everyone wants wisdom, we all desire growth, but not all of us want the barbed wired fence that gives it to us. Today we're talking about why the most beautiful lives are the ones with scars. And I know the most powerful women all have something in common. We've climbed our barbed wired fence. But when so many of us see the barbed wired fence, we want to run or walk the other way. If you're like me, sometimes we want to turn back around and find an easier path because we know that barbed wired fence, it's going to cut us. It's going to tear our skin and leave evidence that our life has not been perfect. And I wanted to be a woman in your life who reminds you, most of the beauty of life is written in scars. It's written in the scars that have healed, the scars that are evidenced we have lived, we have fought for our soul's survival. I have the honor to sit with women in the most sacred space where our hearts are open, raw, where we feel that our arms are stretched beyond their capacity so much that our limbs are going to break. And we might break, but let me remind you: beauty exists after the scars. We are bending. We are never broken. We want the freedom, we want the wisdom, we want the strength and the resolve. And women friends, this kind of growth usually looks like climbing a barbed-wired fence. An easy life doesn't create wisdom. Climbing the barbed wired fence in front of us rather than turning around for more comfort, that green daisy-filled pasture can ever provide us. So I don't know what your barbed-wired fence is. But what if your barbed-wired fence that cuts you, that leaves you with scars, could somehow end up becoming the most beautiful, powerful, empowering part of your story? What if you could find a way to believe that this is happening for you, not to you? That your soul came to learn this lesson something really hard, and you're going to be better for it. What if you could believe this? Because sometimes that barbed wired fence is realizing you built your life around a job you didn't even like, you didn't even want. And now you're sitting in the parking lot eating snacks in your car asking, how did I get here? 70% of people experience post-traumatic growth after major life struggles. Yes, that's right. Post-traumatic growth. I promise you that we can grow from our barbed-wired fence. So, what is the barbed wired fence in front of your life right now? Maybe you know you have to quit a job, you have to change careers, maybe you need to get honest in your marriage or your relationship. Maybe you're navigating a divorce, a separation. Maybe it's time for you to move and make your life, have a new career, sell your home for a smaller one, go after that dream you've always wanted, that business idea that nobody can even see or believes in but you. Maybe it's a lawsuit. And maybe your answer is my children pick for coffee. That's my barbed-wired fence, Tanya. Or maybe you're sitting in your minivan after school drop-off, utterly exhausted from your morning routine and feeling like you have nothing more to give. That can be your barbed-wired fence. Maybe your barbed-wired fence is forgiveness, so your heart isn't chained and tethered to pain projected at you, and your soul desperately desires and needs freedom. That freedom that can only come when you release the energy or disappointment or projection or trauma that another soul has brought to your life. So you love them. And you lovingly release them from the entanglement that keeps you imprisoned. And your barbed-wired fence, whatever it is in your life, is going to cost you. I know it is. It's going to cost you comfort. It's going to cost you predictability. It's going to cost you playing it safe. But you know that your scars mean that you reached for more, that you fought for something, that you knew there was more to this life than hurt, the narratives of scarcity or safety. Climbing your barbed-wired fence is your resolve to say for yourself, this, this is not how my story is going to end. I'm with you. You climb the fence even when you don't know exactly what is on the other side. You believe in a life that you can't see yet. Sitting on an ocean front patio sipping tea, reading a book, and watching the waves crash into the shoreline, or feeling the pride of a dream realized. You're crossing into something new, without certainty, without permission, maybe without support, without guarantees. Let me be the one to tell you a smooth life looks polished. An easy ride through life is comfortable, looks fancy on the outside, looks like you have it all together, and pushes away anything that feels dirty, feels messy, feels like cuts and scars. A life without risk rarely tells a compelling story around a fire under the stars, drinking a beer with a friend once it's all said and done. But scars, scars are proof you lived awake. You toiled for something. You toiled for your kids, you toiled for love, you toiled for marriage, you toiled for a soul, your soul after a divorce. You toiled for your family, you toiled for humanity. You toiled for your colleague, you toiled for a friend, or for goodness sakes, you toiled for that beautiful soul who's wanting to break free. You believed for something more, even when life took your breath away. And you said, no, no, I'm climbing this barbed wired fence. I know it's not gonna be easy. I know I will lose people, money, accolades along the way, but I have to climb this fence because I don't know what is next, but I cannot give up on me. I cannot give up on my soul. Or maybe you can't give up on your kids, your partner, your friends, so you stay. You stay and you climb. And you know, or you knew the blood, the tears, the unknown would be a sacrifice you'd have to make to have proof that you love something enough to be cut. Proof that you are who you say you are, you didn't play it safe, you didn't remain in your fear because you knew fear wouldn't get you to where you are going or for what you want in this life and you are worthy of it. Yes, these barbed wired fences, they're gonna cut. But still, the brave ones we climb. The brave ones climb when it makes no sense to anyone around us. Brave ones climb when others wouldn't understand why you didn't give up. Or when others are telling you just to give up. The brave ones we climb, we take the pain, but we learn not to suffer. Because suffering is the story, it is not the cut. The cut heals, the soul heals, our marriage is mend, finances are restored. Love is always the way. Love connects us to universe, to source, to God, whatever you call your maker. Love connects you to yourself. And healed women heal life generation after generation. Healed women shimmer differently in the light. Healed women show up, not humble and modest to pacify the world around them, but show up so bright that they inspire other women to climb their barbed-wired fences too, as proof that cuts don't kill you, they build you, they leave your skin thicker, they leave your heart finally softened. Because what you thought would kill you, what you thought you couldn't get through, what you thought would leave you with nothing, brought beauty. And that beauty looks different for every woman. Sometimes the beauty is knowing that the right people showed up at the right times in your life, that the right opportunities came, that the door is closed, but another one opened. Who will walk alongside you as you save yourself, knowing they can't save you, but they'll sit with you as you build your empire of love, joy, happiness, financial success. Sometimes the beauty is that you know you're never alone. And I don't know what exactly it is that you want from this life, but it's on your heart, and I know that other women want it too. Sometimes the beauty is that you can find love again in your marriage, in your home, in your partnership, in your own beautiful heart. Gosh, that's beauty. That's a beautiful life. When you felt invisible, unlovable because of the mistakes that maybe you've made. And you went and you climbed that barbed-wired fence to make it right. You meet your soul in your darkest moment, and you're able to say, No, this is not the end. Even through grief, loss, disappointment, betrayal, whatever it is you're going through or you've gone through, you are worthy of love. You, my friend, you are love. You're worthy of anything you desire. An ocean front patio, slow mournings, peace, forgiveness, freedom. And we all know what is more uncomfortable than playing it safe. Waking up to life that we don't even recognize. Or worse, waking up to a life that we don't even want. That's uncomfortable. What's uncomfortable is being on your deathbed and having regrets. Regrets that you didn't sit in the fire, that you didn't climb your barbed wired fence and go for the life that was fully possible for you, for your children, for your children's children. That you regret the things you didn't do, the souls you didn't love fully, the forgiveness you didn't give, maybe even to yourself, the dreams you didn't go after because you wanted to turn around when you faced your life's barbed wired fence. You wanted a smooth ride in life, and for life to go exactly how you wanted it to go, to control your surroundings. Maybe the regret is that you never bared your soul to another human being because you didn't trust that they could love you bare with nothing to give but your broken heart. Women friends, life is always beautiful, and we can let it be hard, and then we can see the beauty, the beauty all around us, the shining sun, the moon, the beautiful sky, the smile on a child's face, a hug from a friend. I wonder if it isn't the barbed-wired fence or the scars we're most afraid of. I wonder if what we're most afraid of is the beauty our life could hold on the other side, the other side of giving up finances like they're our religion, that maybe we have more than enough and are worthy of peaceful mornings, long hugs, and a life that's more than accomplishing and acquiring things. What if we could surrender? And what if we could believe that on the other side of the wards and accolades and promotions of who we are without all of that? Who we are without our prestige, our image, our identity. Most of us are scared of the barbed wired fences because we'd have to meet ourselves in that darkness, in those cuts. We'd have to reintroduce ourselves to our precious soul. And let's also be honest, some of us don't know who we are behind our success, behind our money, behind our accomplishments, behind our motherhood, behind our marriage, behind our career. All of these identities that are masking who we really are. Friends, the barbed wired fence, the pain, and when we are left with only evidence of who we are, that is what's really scaring us. To climb that fence, don't turn around. Because when we turn around, we are missing the beauty of a life with scars. Because when we feel pain, when we have to risk being liked or loved, when we risk something, when it costs us our identities, we have so carefully curated, the identities have never been who we truly are. Because we know these identities, the ones we've held all together. We wear the clothes, we drive the cars, we show up perfectly, but masking all the pain deep down of not knowing ourselves. Or even worse, we know ourselves, but we don't have the courage to be her or toil for her, or heck, the shame and being like, dang, I don't even know what I want from this life. Or I don't know if I'm worthy of the life that I want. Women friends, we are worthy. We were born worthy. There was one in 400 trillion chance that you would be who you are, and here you are today, listening right now. Over 3,900 ancestors had to survive for you to be here. You're magic. You're not a mistake. Nothing about your life is a mistake. You are a freaking walking miracle. But we forget when we mold ourselves to who we think we should be. I don't know, woman. I don't know who it is that you think you should be, but I know you should be fully yourself. I've had the honor of sitting with incredibly successful women, and I want you to know that the most successful have barbed wired fences. Yes, you heard that right. The most successful have barbed wired fences. And I'm not defining success by title or money in their bank accounts, but by the women who are living their life in their full authenticity and living with their soul. They have transmuted pain into beautiful stories, businesses, marriages, because we are all human. We are all experiencing this human condition. I'd encourage all of us to get real honest about our barbed wired fences, not see them as failures or obstacles, but what has been put on our path to absolutely light us up, to change us, to reveal to us who we are, where we're not yet healed, or to remind us the power of fighting for something. Because when we can really know the character of others and ourselves is only when we're climbing that barbed wired fence. It's so easy to show up cool and calm and collected when things are going well. But who are we when everything is on the line? Who are we then? This reveals our truest self, our character. And I'm gonna be the ones to tell us who we are. We are warriors, we are healers, we are shapeshifters, we are women who are more powerful than we have ever known. So, woman friends, barbed wired fences, yes, they cut. They might feel like they're breaking you, but you are bending, you're not broken, and don't miss the beauty of a life with scars. Wear them proudly. Because when you felt invisible or unlovable and you climbed that barbed wired fence of loneliness, you meet your soul and you say, No, this is not how my story ends. Even through grief, even through loss, betrayal, disappointment, you are worthy of love. And do you know what's actually more uncomfortable than climbing the fence? Waking up to a life you don't recognize. There's actually a famous study on regret by psychologist Dr. Thomas Gilovich at Cornell University, and he found that people regret what they didn't do far more than what they did. Barbed wired fences cut, but they'll never destroy you. They reveal you. So if you're climbing a fence right now, if life feels messy, if your heart feels a little cut up, or a lot cut up, I don't know, let me remind you of something. You're not broken, you're becoming.

SPEAKER_01 22:02

So that's it for today's episode of Success to Soul. Head on over to Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen and subscribe to the show. One lucky listener every single week that posts a review on Apple Podcasts or iTunes will win a chance to win a grand prize drawing of a value with $10,000 with Dr. Tanya herself. Be sure to visit SuccessToSoul.com to pick up a copy of your free gift. You can ask her any question you like in your voice, and she'll answer you back personally in her voice. Then join us on the next episode.