Who Are You Without Your Job Title? with Emily Harder

What happens when you've built the career you always wanted, only to realize you've lost yourself along the way?

In this inspiring episode of Success to Soul, Dr. Tanya Prewitt-White welcomes Emily Harder, a digital marketing, e-commerce, and leadership executive, for an honest conversation about ambition, identity, burnout, and discovering a more meaningful definition of success.

After spending nearly two decades leading high-performing teams, managing multimillion-dollar businesses, and building a career defined by achievement, Emily found herself asking a question many successful professionals quietly wrestle with: Who am I if my job title disappears? Following an unexpected layoff, she began a journey of rediscovering herself through creativity, coaching, emotional intelligence, photography, athletics, and intentional reflection.

Together, Emily and Dr. Tanya explore why so many high achievers tie their worth to accomplishment, how burnout quietly steals our peace, why pausing isn't falling behind, and how life's unexpected transitions often become our greatest growth opportunities. They also discuss the importance of self-awareness, creating space for what truly matters, and learning to build a life aligned with your values rather than external expectations.

Today, Emily coaches leaders to build stronger teams through emotional intelligence, authentic leadership, and more human ways of working. Her story is a powerful reminder that success isn't measured by your title, salary, or achievements, but by how connected you feel to yourself, your purpose, and the people you love.

If you're navigating change, questioning your next chapter, or feeling successful on paper but exhausted on the inside, this conversation will encourage you to slow down, trust your journey, and redefine success on your own terms.

Because success without soul isn't success at all.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

If you're successful on paper but exhausted on the inside, if achievement hasn't brought you the happiness you expected. If there's a quiet little voice that keeps asking, is this really all there is? Then this podcast is for you. Here's your host, executive coach, and guide for high achieving women, Dr. Tanya Pruitt White.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

Welcome to Success to Soul. I'm your host, Dr. Tanya, and if you're new, welcome to our community. This is a podcast where we know success without soul is not success at all. And I am so excited to introduce my friend Emily Harder, who I've known for, I've calculated, I think about 21 years now. And so excited to welcome her. She's a digital marketing and e-commerce executive and coach with nearly 20 years of experience building teams, scaling businesses, and leading in high-pressure, high-performance environments across sports, retail, and pet health. She coaches today, and through her leadership development, she helps leaders build greater self-awareness, stronger teams, and more human ways of working. Wow, okay, I think we need that, Emily. More human ways of working. Welcome to the show, Em. Hey, thanks for having me, Tanya. Yeah, I'm super excited. Now I know I know a little bit more than listeners about your background. Can you tell us a little bit about your journey, some snippets that got you to where you are today?

SPEAKER_02 1:38

Yeah, I would love to. I think if I really take a step back, Tanya, my journey really has been about growth and learning. I love to learn. I'm a self-proclaimed nerd, if you will. And so if I'm not learning in anything that I'm doing, I'm not at a point where I feel like I'm progressing in life. Spoiler alert, like that can come to life in different ways. But, you know, for me, it really started off when I was an undergrad and I had an internship in sports. I worked for a minor league baseball team. I loved it. I was exhausted. I made no money. And it was really, really fun. And that led me to the University of Tennessee where I got my master's degree. And I went into that world of sports. I worked for the Indiana Fever. I worked for a college athletic department. And it got to a point where I didn't necessarily envision my life dedicated to working 80 hours a week, weekends, nights, all the things. And that kind of led me into the corporate world and where I am today.

SPEAKER_00 2:56

Awesome. Awesome. Okay. So let's talk about where you are today. What does a day look like for you?

SPEAKER_02 3:06

Oh my gosh, Tanya. Days are always different. A lot of it starts off with me finding time to move my body. Being physically active is really important to me. I usually set my alarm at, you know, 5:30, 6 o'clock in the morning, and I go and work out because that's the only time I have to do that. Then when I get home, it's about getting my kids to school or summer camps or whatever they have that day. And then I kind of buckle in and I work. So I have meetings, calls, alignment, problems, things that I'm trying to solve, coaching that I'm doing. And that can be energizing and it can be draining. But that's a typical day. And then, you know, Tanya, I feel like you feel this. Then there's sports in the evening, high school police, spending some time with my husband. And then there's passing out on the couch, which is a pretty typical occurrence in my life.

SPEAKER_00 4:12

I love it. I love it. That's so real. So when you think about your career, everyone's career, I believe, has these ebbs and flows. We like to think that, or I find that humans like to think that it's just like this gradual climb, but sometimes we have setbacks, sometimes when things speed up, sometimes we have pauses within our career. And can you tell me about, in the height of your career, how you define success for yourself then?

SPEAKER_02 4:38

Yeah. It's really, really funny because as I think about my career, and especially as I moved into the corporate environment, for me, success was achievement. And that could be achievement of many things. But most importantly for me, it was getting better titles. It was getting more salary or financial growth. And I'm someone who's always been very goal-oriented. So as soon as I set a goal to get to a certain level or a certain job or visibility in a certain project, like that's what I moved towards. And I was always trying to move towards that next goal. And so I found a way to succeed in the corporate environment because I spent years really becoming the person who other people trusted to figure things out, to get things done, to step into ambiguity and complexity and ultimately rally teams to drive the results that we were looking for. And so, because of all of that, it led me to a point where, you know, by the age of 30, I was managing a team of 65 associates and I was overseeing over $890 million in revenue for a major sportswear and footwear retailer. And so from that point and onward in my career, it was really about how do I convey that I'm driving results, I'm hitting the goals, I'm reliable, I'm responsive, I'm always available. There was a term always on. And so I kind of fell into this role where I could be the one who held a lot and could stay calm without dropping anything major. And so for a long time that worked really, really well for me. I got new opportunities, I got bigger titles, I got bigger salaries and bonuses and all these things. And so on paper, it really looked like a successful career. And honestly, it still is, but that's how I kind of framed my success at the time.

SPEAKER_00 7:02

And while you're achieving and you're holding so much space for the people around you, you're meeting goals and deadlines and all of these things. What were the parts of you that got quiet or that maybe got pushed aside as your career was growing and your responsibilities were expanding?

SPEAKER_02 7:23

Yeah. I mean, there definitely were a lot of parts of me that got pushed aside because at the same time I was having children and a lot of my life felt like scrambling. You know, whether it was scrambling for caretaking, scrambling for my relationship, scrambling at work because you were like, oh, I have all this stuff to do and I have to do it. So for me, I think curiosity got quieter, and I was just like solely focused on that path. But definitely my peace, I would say, was much quieter. You know, I was always kind of, like I said before, always on. So at night before bed, I would replay work interactions or tough conversations or problems that I needed to solve. Or even sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night and go, Oh, I have an idea, you know, and have to write it down because that's just how my brain was framed to always focus on what I needed to do. And so I didn't really at that time have any space for myself to really know like what I wanted. And there wasn't a time to pause or notice how I was actually feeling at that time.

SPEAKER_00 8:49

Yeah, yeah. So then what shifted that created this space for a pause to gain some peace and to realize what you wanted and needed for your life?

SPEAKER_02 9:02

I mean, it took a number of years, Tanya. Um yeah, that's real, that's real. I mean, we're talking years here to find the shift. Years of exhaustion, years of kind of starting to have these thoughts about, oh man, why do things feel heavier than they should? Why do I feel responsible for everything? Why am I always scrambling constantly? I also, there were moments, Tanya, where I was like, and to give a little bit of context, I have jobs that are very complex where I manage multiple functions, multiple people, multiple work types, multiple projects. And I found myself like wondering and going, oh gosh, what would it be like to just focus on one thing and just have that focus and kind of drive to only do one thing, to have simplicity in my life. And so I had these like questions or signals that would pop up along the way, but honestly, I didn't listen to them. I didn't listen to them at all. I kept driving forward, kept trying to strive for the titles and the roles that I was looking for. And so for me, like the moment that I started to recognize and start to consider those things wasn't a personal choice. I was actually laid off. And that was a huge shift for me. My layoff wasn't shocking because I knew or I had a feeling it was coming. And I actually remember getting the call where you joined the Zoom and your boss is there, and the HR representative is there. And I thought, oh yep, this is what's happening. And I got off the call, of course, very like calm. And I just went and told my husband, I go, Well, there it was. I'm laid off. And honestly, at the time, in that moment, I was like, okay, like I knew it was happening. I the writing was on the wall, all of those things. And so in that moment, it didn't feel hard or insurmountable or something that was a challenge. But I will say, Tanya, that next Monday, where you wake up in the morning and you expect to start your day in the ways that you have for the last 15, 20 years, it really landed differently for me than I was expecting. And it wasn't mostly about like, what am I going to do? But that was part of it, to be honest. It was more about who am I if I'm not a working woman or a working mother. And so it's like, to me, that was the most unsettling. And luckily enough, I noticed it right away on that Monday morning that I was like, holy moly, I don't know who I am without these things.

SPEAKER_00 12:15

Mm-hmm. Oh. All this feels so incredibly real. I know we've had very different journeys, but I always tell people, like, I had no idea who I truly was until a student threatened my life. Like, and I was like, wait, I don't want to be an academic professor and a sports psychology consultant, maybe anymore. And then that unpacking of finding out who we are, in addition to the professional aspects of ourselves. So, who are some of the versions of yourself that you've been able to find, or maybe you found during this time where you were laid off and had space that you hadn't had for sounds like decades?

SPEAKER_02 12:54

Yeah, it's interesting because for me, I took a little bit of a different shift. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't start like applying for jobs. I did because there was a part of me that was like, oh, I have to get back on that horse and I have to keep striving for that position. But I also, because of that pause, I was able to be more intentional and listen to what I was feeling and be more aware of the thoughts in my head, which I think was really powerful. And so for me, I didn't exactly know what I wanted to do. But what I did know was when I started applying for roles and started having phone interviews, I wasn't super jazzed about it. And I took that as a signal, you know. I was like, okay, here I'm applying for this role. They offered me a role, it's a you know, higher level, it's better salary. And I was like, meh, that's okay. You're like, take it or leave it. Yeah, I was like, yeah, you know, and so um, so to me, I took that as kind of a nod to myself to say, okay, something's here, and I need to unpack this a little bit more, and I need to, in a sense, experiment with what I want to do, what brings me energy, and how that kind of shapes the rest of my life from this point forward. And so I actually did start to, you know, experiment more than I ever have before with my career. And that was kind of new for me. I was always into photography, and so I started, you know, tapping into my more creative side. I was, you know, taking photography classes and shooting portraits for friends and families and putting myself out there in a way that I hadn't done before, which was really exciting. I joined a competitive tennis team and played competitively for a while because, you know, athletics and physical activity was really important to me as well. And so I wanted to prioritize that in my time off. I also did things like any other type A person would do, Tanya. I wrote a list and I was like, I'm gonna read a book by the pool. I'm gonna ride my bike, I'm gonna do all these things. I even tested my skills as an elementary school substitute teacher. Um and it was funny because I did that pass?

SPEAKER_00 15:41

Did that pass? Did that pass? Like, did it not?

unknown 15:46

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 15:48

Honestly, for me, it was part of the journey, right? I wanted to see, like, oh, maybe I could be a teacher because I do like learning and I like helping other people grow. And so I was trying to take those signals of you know what I find value in, what brings me energy, and figure out how it could come to life in my next step. And so I use the term experiment a lot. And these were all like mini experiments that I did to try to figure out okay, what are those things that bring me energy? And along that time, I've always been into emotional intelligence. And so I started a program to get certified in emotional intelligence coaching, and that was a really exciting thing as well. So I think all in all, during this time, I was able to take that step back and start to feel those things that excited me and start to point myself in a better direction for my next step.

SPEAKER_00 16:52

So much is resonating over here. I think when I work with women who are transitioning, the creative side of all of us is the thing that I hear is, I want to say lacking in our professional lives and women talking about, oh, I learned I really love things about skincare and I really got into skincare and people going into dance and I think about myself when I resigned from academia. I just started journaling and writing meditations and then recording them. And it was really just to express myself in a different way. And as you're finding these new ways of experimenting, how do you find yourself to be different? Or what are the things you're like, yeah, this needs to be a part of my day and my life moving forward that hadn't been, you know, central to you before, I want to say, like you were let go and had this space to really figure out what you wanted from your life and who you were moving forward.

SPEAKER_02 17:45

Yeah, I think pausing more has become more central to my life, which, you know, it's like, oh, mind blowing, right? But it really has been something that I've put into practice more consistently. And I even do it with the work that I do now, where on a quarterly basis, I have a reminder on my calendar to spend time with myself and reevaluate my values, where I get energy, you know, if there's any challenges that I need to address in a more productive way, or if there's a new direction I need to take, and then how I can go about those things. And so I think for me, that's the biggest takeaway I've had out of this journey and myself, you know, learning, if you will, is I do need to dedicate more of that time to take that step back and evaluate how things are going.

SPEAKER_00 18:50

Yeah, yeah. Whoo, and where we want to be going, right? Like I believe that we get what we want and what we desire when we claim, like, oh, this is my goal. And so this is gonna bring back to the question in this pause. I think a lot of times when we have this space, a lot of times I even think I'm like, oh wow, that sounds so amazing. And there is grief and there is uncertainty. I know that I've experienced it, right? I tell my people around me, I'm like, I lived at the pinnacle of my career, you know? And I'm like, I just said bye. And I hadn't anticipated some of the grief, the loss of identity. I don't know if this resonates for you, but I went from being someone that people knew in the field of sports psych then to a nobody, humbly, right? Like, like nobody knows who Tanya Purrett White is in a coaching space or corporate space. And that is loss in grief and uncertainty with what's coming next. So, how did you navigate? I'm imagining there were moments like, who am I, what am I doing, what is next? What was your grounding in those moments when you experienced that?

SPEAKER_02 19:59

Yeah, this is the things that I think people don't see on the outside. Where I was doing all those things I mentioned, right? And experimenting. And I'm sure some of my closest friends were like, Oh my gosh, what the heck is Emily doing now?

SPEAKER_00 20:15

Oh, I loved all of it. I loved all of it. Loved all of it.

SPEAKER_02 20:23

But I I think for me, there were tons of moments of self-doubt. There were moments where, you know, I did have pity parties for myself. And I'm like, oh, well, maybe I'm not actually as good as I thought I was. Maybe I'm not actually as needed as I thought I was in that corporate space. I also felt sadness because, you know, within the corporate environment, I had made really good connections and I had really strong relationships with people. But it didn't always feel like people wanted to help me along that journey or make the connections. And so some of that was inside of me and how I perceive the situation, but it was also something I learned about, you know, who's really there for me and who wants to see me succeed in whatever way that exists. And so I, you know, there was sadness, but there was also tremendous loneliness because I would be on calls every day. I was talking to people. I felt, you know, like people wanted to talk to me. And so there were moments of sitting there being alone, thinking, I really need to interact with someone to get myself back on the right path and feel good about that. And honestly, Tanya, you played a big part in some of those moments for me.

SPEAKER_00 21:54

Yeah, likewise, likewise. I think that's so real. I've experienced that in different ways. I've had to learn to be my own cheerleader. And I think it's, I'm gonna just name the things. The people that show up for us in the hardest moments, they're just not the people we think they're going to be. And the more that I've experienced and talk about it, people are like, oh yeah, that's how this goes, Tanya. I'm like, oh, really? You know, yeah, that feels very real. And when we're in a space where we're not really sure what's next, and I think about needing a coach or needing a mentor, we all need them. And my coach is like, well, no one's gonna just knock on your door and say, How can I coach you today or how can I help you today? And so that even asking for help or admit being vulnerable to say, like, I don't know what I'm doing can, you know, is huge, I think, especially for women when we're taken out of an environment where we have so much support, and then we go both of us in different ways, to being outside of a profession for a while and that lifestyle shift for sure. How do you define success today compared to how you did before?

SPEAKER_02 23:07

Yeah, I mean, this is a uh work in progress for sure. And I think, you know, it's pretty clear before I define success as achievement and a lot of external outcomes. And I think for me now I'm defining success as, you know, me just feeling more connected and aligned in the path that I'm doing. So there are things where, you know, I want to do meaningful work, I want to energize my creative side. I love building strong teams. And I also want to have space to be present in my real life with my family, my kids, my friends. And so it's like having that time for my kids, having time for exercise and activity, and not constantly feeling like I'm scrambling from one thing to the next. And so I think those are the things that really feel successful to me now versus before when I was just chasing titles and roles.

SPEAKER_00 24:28

Yeah. What would you tell your younger self, the version of you who believed that your worth was tied to your title, your work, your financial accomplishments? What would you tell her now?

SPEAKER_02 24:41

It's a good question and one that I think is hard for me, Tanya, because I am a big believer in having to go on that journey and have those challenges and hardships. But I also think it would be great for my younger self to know that I didn't have to earn my worth.

SPEAKER_00 25:08

And I didn't snap. Can we snap? Like, yes, we don't have to earn our worth. Ah, okay, sorry. Yes, I think that's huge. We all need to hear that.

SPEAKER_02 25:20

Well, and it's really like, hey, I have to earn it. So I have to have this job and I have to get this title and I have to have this salary, and then I'm gonna feel like I'm worthy of it. And I think that's something I've learned is like you can still be in roles and you can still lead and you can still contribute without actually losing yourself in that process. And so I think that's something that's really kind of resonated with me at this point in my career.

SPEAKER_00 25:53

Yeah. Yeah. I a lot of times have shifted to I am more than enough. Whatever I accomplished today is enough. I have enough. I think that's the other piece is that I've been moving through, like, oh, I have. I have everything I need, everything I want. Anything else is just overflowing. And that has shifted my chasing because I think I, well, I don't think I know I chased for achievements. And now it's like, oh, I look back and I'm like, well, what did they really give me? And for me, it gave me a lot of exhaustion and just more chasing because the more I accomplished, then the more opportunities, then the more opportunities, the more I had to do, right? It just felt like this on-ending cycle, which leads me to there are moments that I so quickly get back into it. I'm not gonna lie, right? And so it's like this continual ondoing and on learning because I do I share with friends, I like to achieve, I like to create, I like to do things, but I also like peace. So what is that? Like I'm imagining there's times because we are human, it's part of the human condition to go back into our patterns. When you find yourself going back into that achievement or accomplishing, how do you navigate it then?

SPEAKER_02 27:10

Yeah. And I mean, I do. Let's be real. I do fall back into those old patterns where I'm like, oh, why am I not a senior vice president right now? Why am I not a chief marketing officer? I have these moments. Like, how is it that other people are getting to these roles that I didn't? And I have those thoughts. So I do fall back into wanting to achieve those things. I also know about myself that I am very restless. And so I think where I have evolved over time is I can not always in the moment, but I do notice when I do fall back into those patterns. And so for me, it's more about okay, taking that step back. What is right in front of me that brings me energy? And how do I continue to stay on that path and be open to what it could be rather than what I think it needs to be? And so it's not really, I think, rocket science when it comes down to it, but it's really given me the ability to be more in tune with knowing that I'm in those head spaces.

SPEAKER_00 28:32

Yeah, absolutely. I also remind myself, I don't know if this resonates with you, I remind myself that I'm on my own path. Because likewise, there's times when I see people in the field of sport and exercise psych and opportunities they're getting, and I'm like, oh, that could have been me. And it's like, oh, but my path is this. My family needs this, my life is here. And that feels like then it's like, okay, yep, I'm on my path, and someone else has a very different path, and both are honorable and important. Yeah, but that's also hard. That's also hard. Yeah. When we're achievement, like if we've had a career in sport where it's achievement, it's competition, it's all of these things. And I often say, I'm like, oh, I was socialized really well in sport, you know, like the all or nothing mentality, like either you're great or you're not. Like, that's not true. It's just simply not true. Well, what is still unfolding for you as we speak? What are some of the amazing things that are unfolding for you on your journey, both professionally and personally?

SPEAKER_02 29:34

Yeah, I'm still experimenting, right? I still work in the corporate world, but I also have, you know, dug a little bit deeper into coaching and helping leaders within that space grow and navigate performance in a more human way. Like that to me is really important. And so I think that's where I'm focusing and building things that just align with who I am. And so I really think it's a journey, not a destination. And those are things that I remind myself day in and day out to enjoy that journey and not feel like I have to get somewhere, but really focus in on those things that I can see and build and drive the energy within myself.

SPEAKER_00 30:28

I love that. I love that because it's the destination then just creates another destination we want to journey towards. So focusing on the journey for sure. Well, okay, if I were to ask you what does success to soul mean to you on your journey, what would you say?

SPEAKER_02 30:47

Success to soul for me on my journey is really about it being my journey. And there is no timeline. I don't have to rush to figure things out or be the person who knows everything all the time. And I think for me, it's a good reminder that in those like in-between moments, even though it was challenging and hard and sad and lonely and confusing, those really can be the opportunities to reconnect with yourself in ways that you just couldn't when you were like moving so fast. And so I feel like maybe that's what success to soul means for me.

SPEAKER_00 31:45

Yeah. Oh, I feel like that's so rich in the aspect of I often say I've learned not to despise breakdowns, right? When things just feel like they're crumbling because the breakthrough is always after these breakdowns occur in our life. And I think makes me think about clients that I work with. And the moments when it's really hard, I'll say, like, can we just sit in the hard? Can we experience the hard? And I have a client who says, like, oh, I'm learning to love the suffering. And I was like, whoa, we took that to a whole nother level. Like, yeah, that this is part of our human experience. So I can imagine this only helps you when you're coaching with humans and wanting to have them lead in a more human way that you've also experienced things that they're going to experience in their own journey. I think it only makes us richer in our work for sure.

SPEAKER_02 32:37

Yeah, 100%. I love that.

SPEAKER_00 32:41

Okay, so for a woman who's listening who may be on her own in-between season, what would you want her to know?

SPEAKER_02 32:53

It's easier said than done. But you don't have to be in a rush to figure everything out. It's okay to take that time and rediscover your own worth.

SPEAKER_00 33:12

Rediscover your own worth. I love that. Okay. How do women or people listening, how do they find you? How do they connect with you?

SPEAKER_02 33:23

Oh man, I love connecting with people, Tanya. So I would hope anybody can reach out anytime. LinkedIn is probably the platform I use the most to connect with people.

SPEAKER_00 33:35

Okay. All right, amazing. Thank you so much. It's been wonderful learning even more about you. And listeners, reach out to Emily Harder on LinkedIn. All right, until next time, have a great day.

SPEAKER_01 33:51

So that's it for today's episode of Success to Soul. Head on over to Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen and subscribe to the show. One lucky listener every single week that posts a review on Apple Podcasts or iTunes will win a chance to win a grand prize drawing of a value of $10,000 with Dr. Tanya herself. Be sure to visit successtoul.com to pick up a copy of your free gift. You can ask her any question you like in your voice, and she'll answer you back personally in her voice. Then join us on the next episode.