What’s Your Tolerance for an Extraordinary life?

What if the biggest thing standing between you and the life you're meant to live isn't your talent, your timing, or your circumstances... but your tolerance for an extraordinary life?

In this deeply personal episode of Success to Soul, Dr. Tanya Prewitt-White shares a life-changing question posed by her mentor that stopped her in her tracks: "What is your tolerance for an extraordinary life?" That simple question sparked a profound reflection on purpose, courage, fear, resilience, and what it truly takes to create a meaningful life.

Drawing from her work as an executive coach, sport and performance psychology consultant, and guide for high-achieving women, Dr. Tanya explores why our brains naturally resist growth, why discomfort is often a sign of transformation instead of failure, and how the stories we tell ourselves quietly shape the future we create.

You'll discover why so many of us get trapped in the "yeah, buts," how fear disguises itself as logic and perfectionism, why extraordinary lives require extraordinary courage, and how embracing uncertainty can lead to a deeper sense of purpose, joy, and fulfillment.

Dr. Tanya also shares powerful insights on resilience, raising courageous children, overcoming self-doubt, creating an energetic legacy, and learning to stop waiting until you feel "ready." She reminds us that extraordinary lives aren't built in one defining moment. They're built one courageous decision at a time.

If you've ever questioned your purpose, wondered whether you're enough, or felt called to something greater but found yourself holding back, this conversation will encourage you to trust your inner knowing and take the next brave step.

Because success isn't about becoming someone else.

It's about returning to who you've always been.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

If you're successful on paper but exhausted on the inside, if achievement hasn't brought you the happiness you expected. If there's a quiet little voice that keeps asking, is this really all there is? Then this podcast is for you. Here's your host, executive coach, and guide for high achieving women, Dr. Tanya Pruitt White.

SPEAKER_00 0:37

I'm your host, Dr. Tanya, and I am so glad that you've decided to join me here again today. I'm going to be talking about something that my coach, Carolyn Azuna, one of my mentors, asked me recently that has stayed with me now for a couple weeks. It really wasn't a complicated question. It wasn't wrapped in strategy, performance, psychology, business, or even leadership theory. It was simple, it was direct, and somehow it found its way beneath every answer I thought I had. She asked me, what is your tolerance for an extraordinary life? I remember just absolutely sitting there, a bit stunned if I'm honest. Honestly, I wasn't expecting it. I had gone into our call thinking about coaching, my practice, my book, Peaceful Renegade, the retreats that I'm co-creating with amazing women, and all the projects that have been occupying my mind in the background. And instead, Carolyn asked a question that utterly stopped me in my tracks. Because if I'm honest, I wasn't sure exactly how to answer. Many parts of my life feel deeply aligned. The return to soul retreat in Chicago last month filled my heart in ways I still can't quite put into words. Watching women reconnect with themselves, witnessing their courage and their vulnerability reminded me exactly why I do this work. And I feel like each retreat that I get to co-host or host alongside such amazing women keeps getting better and better every time. But some things also feel really uncertain. Some dreams of mine are taking much longer than I imagined they would. Some opportunities haven't unfolded the way that I hoped. And I'm gonna be honest, I have goals I've prayed over that haven't materialized quite yet. And I love the word yet. There have been moments when I wonder if I'm asking too much of this life, or perhaps I'm asking too much of myself. And then I remember I also want to prioritize my rest and that I am enough just for being. In other words, I'm describing life, and I am moving through the experiences that so many women I have the honor to walk alongside and to coach and to be friends with are experiencing too. Because I believe that despite what social media might suggest, life has never been a highlight reel. I mean, right? There's always the both and. It's celebration and grief, confidence and doubt, joy and disappointment. It's progress and setbacks. We all have victories that nobody sees. And I believe that we all carry disappointments that quietly shape us. And then Carolyn said something I will never forget. Most people live in the Yah butts. Yeah, but I tried that. Yeah, but it didn't work out. Yeah, but I don't have enough capital or money. Yeah, but maybe I'm not meant for this. Yeah, but someone else is already doing it. Yeah, but I'm too old. Yeah, but I'm too late. I should have started years ago. As she spoke, I started to think about how often we hear those words. Not just from clients, but from ourselves. Maybe you've heard them too. Maybe you've said them too. The yeah, buts rarely sound dramatic. They're subtle, they're convincing. They often disguise themselves as logic or realism. But over time, they become the stories that quietly limit our lives, our joy, our being. One disappointment becomes evidence. One rejection becomes our identity if we don't quiet the negative Nelly in our heads. One setback can easily become permission to stop believing in the thing that we want to do, accomplish, experience, or achieve. And that's where Carolyn's question began to make sense. For me, especially. Not do you want an extraordinary life? Because let's be honest, who doesn't want an extraordinary life? I've never met someone who's like, yeah, nah, nah, I don't want an extraordinary life. And I'm not talking about being famous, making tons of money, being an influencer. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about whatever would feel extraordinary for you. Because if we were asked, do you want an extraordinary life or marriage or relationships? Most of us would answer, yes, of course we do. The better question though is this: what is your tolerance for one? What is your tolerance for an extraordinary life? And I am so thankful that Carolyn asked me this question. Because extraordinary lives don't just come with extraordinary joy. They come with extraordinary uncertainty and sometimes pain, because pain creates wisdom. Sometimes they come with extraordinary responsibility or vulnerability. Maybe they come with extraordinary visibility. We have to be fully seen in all of who we are, which also creates extraordinary criticism or critique, which creates extraordinary risk. You see, I believe that we love the idea of extraordinary outcomes, people who achieve their dreams. We love that. We don't always love the extraordinary courage or resilience that is required to create the extraordinary lives. As someone who spent years studying sport and performance psychology and now has the privilege of coaching remarkable leaders in all different fields, I've learned something fascinating about the human mind. Our brains are not designed to help us become extraordinary. Believe me, they're not. Otherwise, we all would be. Our brains are designed to help us survive, which means our nervous system often interprets unfamiliar as unsafe. So starting that business, not safe. Having the difficult conversation, oh no, absolutely not safe. Charging what we're worth, also unsafe. Writing the book, oh believe me, that's definitely unsafe. Launching the retreat, also unsafe. Speaking on the stage, unsafe. Saying the thing that we need to say so that we're fully seen in our marriage, in our relationship, or with our parents, is also unsafe. Our brains naturally pull us toward what is familiar, even when familiar is keeping us small. And that's why courage often feels so uncomfortable, not because we're on the wrong path, but because we're walking a path that our nervous system hasn't learned to trust yet. The power of yet. I think that's important because so many of us mistake discomfort for a stop sign. Stop now, here, red, red, red, red, right? And gosh, I'm talking to my previous self here too with only compassion. We assume that if something feels difficult, vulnerable, maybe it isn't meant for us. And friends, I want to tell you, I want to be the one who lovingly says that's not the truth. Because what if discomfort isn't evidence we're doing something wrong or that we're doing the wrong thing? What if it's evidence that we're growing, that we're changing, that we're evolving, that we're not the same person we were yesterday? I've had to remind myself of this so many times. There wasn't a guarantee that everything would work out. There wasn't certainty. There wasn't a roadmap. There was simply a quiet knowing that I couldn't keep living someone else's version of success or someone else's vision for my life. People often see what comes after the leap of faith. They don't see the nights you question everything. They don't see the moments you wonder if you've completely lost your mind. Because if you could hear the conversations that I have with my partner, you'd know that I say to him more times than I would like to admit, have I gone absolutely insane? And so I hope, I hope to goodness that you have someone in your life like I do that keeps telling you, keep believing, I believe in you, you're so close. Because what people don't see are the invoices, they don't see the waiting, they don't see the wondering, they don't see all the small decisions that compound day after day, month after month, year after year. They also don't see your quiet prayers for what you're dreaming for. Every meaningful dream includes seasons where nothing seems to be working. Carolyn reminded me that Walt Disney was turned away by hundreds of lenders before someone believed in his vision. She reminded me too that Thomas Edison conducted thousands of experiments before creating a commercially viable light bulb. History isn't filled with people who avoid failure. History is filled with people who refuse to let failure define them. The difference is never talent. I believe this in my heart. The difference was tolerance, the willingness to stay in the process long enough for possibility to unfold. As I thought more about this conversation, I realized how often we celebrate resilience in our children while resisting it in ourselves. As a parent, I want my boys to become resourceful and confident and resilient. There are moments when everything in me wants to step in and rescue them when they're struggling. I want to solve the problem, prevent the disappointment, make life easier for them. We don't have to be followers of Dr. Becky, but we have to know this: that every time that even yes, I rescue my children from healthy struggle, I may also be rescuing my children from resilience. So I've learned to let some things be hard not only for my kids, but for myself. And I don't let things be hard for my kids because I don't love them. It's because I do. And then it hit me. Why is it that we encourage our children to do hard things, to become resilient? Yet we as adults spend so much of our adulthood trying to avoid hard things ourselves. Growth has never been comfortable. Not for anybody. I think it does become more comfortable the more we are growing and the more we're getting uncomfortable, certainly. But courage has never been comfortable. And neither has becoming. One of the greatest gifts coaching has given me is watching people realize that what's keeping them stuck usually isn't their lack of ability. It's their lack of permission. I think of one leader I coached who kept telling me she needed one more certification before she could fully step into the work that she wanted to do. Finally, I asked her, What evidence would finally convince you that you're enough? She got quiet. Because there wasn't any. It was never a competence problem. It was a tolerance problem. She wasn't afraid of failure. She was afraid of being fully seen. And I think many of us know that feeling deep down inside. We tell ourselves we're waiting until we're ready. But sometimes ready is just fear wearing professional clothes. I've also realized that as I've gotten older, I've become less interested in building an impressive resume and much more interested in leaving an energetic legacy as Carolyn has taught me. No one stands at a funeral talking about how quickly we answered our emails or how much money we left them. No one says she got everything done. They talk about how we loved, how we encouraged, how we made people feel, how we showed up, how we gave them hope, how we made others believe in themselves when they didn't have the ability to believe in themselves yet. That's the legacy I want. I want a legacy of presence, of courage, of love. Do I still experience fear? Absolutely. More than I'd like to admit. People say I'm fearless, that I'm a bulldog, that I'm a renegade. But unless you have a window into my life, you wouldn't always know the fear that I face. There are mornings when doubt whispers that maybe I'm asking too much of this life. There are days when I wonder whether what I'm building will become everything I hope it can become and everything that I see in my vision. Not only for me, but for women, for marriages, for families, for communities, for the world. But I've learned something important. Doubt, you can visit. You can stay just for a moment. And then I have to keep moving. Because doubt, it just doesn't get to move in and stay. It doesn't get to become my permanent address. Because the day I stop believing that people can heal, the day I stop believing that leaders can change, the day I stop believing that purpose matters is the day I stop believing that people can accomplish everything on their heart. And that's the day I stop being fully myself. And as I want every woman and client and man and human and person I work with to fully believe in themselves and fully be seen, I know that I have to fully believe in myself and have the capacity to fully be seen and live this extraordinary life because otherwise I can't lead other people to it. Near the end of our conversation, Carolyn said something that brought me to tears, and it still brings me to tears. She said, This isn't about you. This is about who you serve. You're sitting on a treasure. You're the treasure. And I needed to hear that. And maybe you need to hear that too. You are the treasure to your partner, to your spouse, to your children, to your siblings, to your neighbors, to your friends. You're the treasure. Because perhaps what the world is waiting for isn't a more polished version of you. Perhaps it's a more wholehearted one. Perhaps the world doesn't need you to become someone else. Perhaps it simply needs you to stop hiding who you've always been. So today I want to leave you with the same question Carolyn left with me. What is your tolerance for an extraordinary life? Not a perfect life, not a famous life, not a life free of disappointment or challenge. An extraordinary life. One marked by courage, authenticity, purpose, generosity, compassion. To keep choosing possibility even when certainty isn't available to you. If that feels overwhelming, don't worry about the next five years or even a year from now. Just choose one extraordinary decision today. Send the email. Forgive your partner or your spouse. Apply for the opportunity. Start the conversation. Say yes. Say no. Take the walk. Write the page. Launch your idea. Trust your knowing because extraordinary lives are almost never built in extraordinary moments. They're built in our ordinary Tuesdays. They're built in our quiet decisions to keep showing up. They're built one courageous decision at a time. One conversation, one boundary, one act of generosity, one shift, one belief, one degree. And perhaps that's why the smallest shift can become the beginning of an entirely different life. So today, I'll ask you one more time. What is your tolerance for an extraordinary life? And before we wrap up, I want you to know that this podcast isn't the end of the conversation. It's often where someone's next chapter begins. If you're ready to move from simply listening to intentionally living, I'd love to support you. Through coaching or return to soul retreat, my commitment is simple. I'll bring my whole heart, my years of experience, my success, my failures, but most of all my soul. And we'll create a space where you can reconnect with your soul tool. If that feels like the next right step, I'd love to welcome you. Until next time, remember, success isn't about becoming someone else. It's about returning to who you've always been. And if no one has told you today, you are more than enough, my friend. I hope you live the most extraordinary life you can this week. Until next time, I'm sending you my biggest hugs.

SPEAKER_01 20:34

So that's it for today's episode of Success to Soul. Head on over to Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen and subscribe to the show. One lucky listener every single week that posts a review on Apple Podcasts or iTunes will win a chance to win a grand prize drawing of a value with $10,000 with Dr. Tanya herself. Be sure to visit successtoul.com to pick up a copy of your free gift. You can ask her any question you like in your voice, and she'll answer you back personally in her voice. Then join us on the next episode.