Shut Up!

1. Control your soul, your mouth, and your meditation. If we do this, we can see our lives change. God is not the author of our struggles, but we are the perpetuators of the continued chaos. Listen in and beware, I meddle in all our business. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello everyone. I'm so glad that you're with me. I really hope to meddle in your life. Okay, let's talk about the soul. There are times when your whole life seems like it's upside down. And what what are we supposed to do? Oh no, life is falling apart. How do I control this? Guess what? You're not supposed to control your own life. You belong to Jesus. And if you belong to Jesus, allow him to be Lord in that circumstance. I am thinking today about my son. In 2017, he was like 14. And he he's never really been super connected in the spirit to the Lord. And we had um gone on a trip to Louisiana, and it was a big spiritual to-do thing, you know, family reunion type of thing. It's amazing because what happened before and after the reunion with my Christian brothers and sisters was more impactful than the meeting itself. So we're on our way to Louisiana in a little minivan, and we blew a tire in uh, I think it was it was in Alabama somewhere, Tallahassee or Tuscaloosa, I can't remember. But anyway, so we blew a tire, we didn't have a spare, and we had it towed into the local Walmart there where they replaced the tire. So we found out when they went to replace the tire and go to pull it out of the bay, it didn't want to start. This was during a time that we didn't have jobs, and my mother-in-law was supporting us financially. And she had paid for the entire trip. Guess he was gonna pay for the rest of the trip and the ride and the ride home. You got it. We had to end up getting a hotel near the Walmart that had our van. And we were trying so desperately to find another vehicle that we could rent. But our friends that came with us dropped us off at the hotel, and then they left to go on to Louisiana. Now, to some people that wouldn't be such a big deal, but to me it was. I felt like my whole world was crashing down. I'm stuck in a place that I have no idea where I'm at, I have no money, and therefore I had no abilities as far as I was concerned. I couldn't help my family, I couldn't fix this problem, and I felt destitute of any hope. So that night when my when our friends left to go on to Louisiana and didn't hang back with us just in case, I kind of had a meltdown. Now, no nobody else could see that, but I was so super internal, and I was one who was given to emotional tirades at the time. And I got so upset that I knew that if I opened my mouth and said everything that was coming out, it was not going to help the situation. In fact, it would only stir everybody else up more than they were already stirred up. So I laid in bed and I quietly conversed with the Lord and I told him what I was feeling. I felt abandoned by my friends. I felt incapable because I felt like I had been lazy about not having a job, even though everybody was telling me, you don't need a job. You don't need a job. We like you at home. Well, after so many years of being a stay-at-home mom and realizing at that moment that I needed to do something with my life, I wasn't gonna do anything in that moment, but it was like this epiphany happened. And I laid in bed and conversed with the Lord about everything that I was feeling. And I was always prone to blaming God for what was going on in my life. But at that moment, and ever since then, I have never blamed God for anything that was bad in my life. So I'm laying there in the bed in the dark while everyone else is snoring and sleeping off the stress. I had this serious conversation with him that made me realize this was my fault. Not that the tire blew out, not that the van wouldn't start, um, because it was known that these minivans at uh about 250,000 miles. Yes, 250,000 miles. They have a little thing that happens in the transmission. Um, it's a it's just a little tiny part. And when that part goes bad, the car won't start and they have to tear the entire transmission out and open it and fix it. So this was going to take some time. So laying there, I felt like my my situation was really my fault, in all honesty, because I couldn't afford to get in a rental vehicle to solve the problem and get us to where we were going. I didn't sleep much that night, and it was because I was meditating on how this was all my fault. I know everybody's got an opinion like the man should be bringing in the money, taking care of the family. You know what? Shut up. Just shut up. This was my moment and it was my revelation and it was my epiphany. I'm one of those people that if someone else can't do it or won't do it, I will because it needs done. And that was kind of where I was at. I wasn't looking at how someone else had not provided for me. I wasn't looking at how everyone else should have come to my aid and how I felt abandoned. I so you know, I I really hate to use the word, but it it was a stupid narrative and it just kept going and going. So the next morning, after getting a couple hours of sleep, we got up and we got busy. Um, John was in his his plights spiritually still at the time, and he he was not feeling the whole let's take care of it, get it done kind of attitude. My mother-in-law, me and my son Alex went down to the foyer of the hotel and started making phone calls, trying to get some kind of vehicle that we could rent. And there was a lot of blockades, and my mother-in-law was doing most of the calling and where where she couldn't get anywhere, I was trying. And then she would try again, and then so I would try something different. So, to to without talking about all the logistics of that moment, we spent probably a good two hours waiting on someone to call about our vehicle and trying to find a vehicle that we could get down to Louisiana from Alabama, and I'm feeling the stress, but I'm not expressing it. I'm I'm not tearing anyone down, I'm not begging for everyone to help me. And I'm just I'm conversing with the Lord internally, meditating on what we can do, Lord. You know how to fix this situation, and I don't, and that's why I'm stressed out. And I asked, I turn and I look, and my mother-in-law is on the phone again, and my son is sitting in a chair in that lobby with his leg thrown over the arm. And I just looked at him and I was so bewildered. I looked at him and I said, I am actually shocked, son, that you are not panicking in this situation. At the time, he couldn't play video games. He didn't have his phone. And he just looked at me and he said, Mom, why get angry about things you can't control? And I went, What? I'm like, oh, Lord Jesus, out of the mouths of babes. And I was reminded of this situation this morning, actually this afternoon. My son was sitting in the kitchen and he was eating his his breakfast or whatever before he goes to work. And we had this conversation and we were talking about it. And I don't I don't know how we got on the subject, but we got on the subject of when he said that, how much it changed my life. I told him, I said, Son, do you realize that that moment changed my life forever? You affected me with that statement. And we were talking about how he he doesn't really express anger. He gets angry at AI and when when he's playing his video games. And you know how sometimes people rage at the video games. That's that's where he says that he gets his frustrations out. It's like his escape because he doesn't want to bring stress and anger towards other people. And I thought, wow, that's that's really wise. And I said, but maybe maybe find a better escape because those things go nowhere and your your anger issue doesn't get solved. And he says, Yeah, I know, but I don't know what else to do. And I said, Well, have you have you thought about you know prayer? And he says, Yeah. And I said, What does that mean? Yeah. And he said, Well, sometimes when I pray, I don't hear God because I'm maybe I'm asking too much. And I said, Oh, that's interesting. I said, Well, maybe it's not that you're asking too much. He says, Sometimes I hear him on certain things, on other things I don't. And I said, Well, maybe it's not that you're asking too much, because you know, God's, you know, feeling inundated by your prayers and requests. And he kind of he kind of giggled, you know, when when you think something, it's it seems like a big deal. But once you really get it out in the open and say it out loud, it seems kind of goofy. And it was one of those moments. And I said, Maybe it's not that he's inundated, because he's never going to get overwhelmed by you, ever. There are times when you're not ready. So when when you feel that he's not speaking, maybe it's that you're not ready. And maybe you just need to ask him, Lord, prepare my heart to receive those things if that's what you want for me. So that that was just kind of a rabbit trail, a side note. Back to my 2017 excursion. So we ended up getting a vehicle and we made it to the hotel down in uh Louisiana, and we had uh adjoining rooms. Alex and his grandmother were in one, and John and I were in the other. And I was going through all these emotions, and it was the strangest feeling I had ever had bringing my anger under control and seeing it for what it was. I had spent my whole life meditating on the things that frustrated me, trying to figure out how I can manipulate the environment so that I don't get angry. And then times when I would just let it fly. And that that was destroying me, and I didn't realize it. It wasn't, it wasn't the flying off of the handle, it wasn't raging or expressing my my frustrations that was my biggest problem. I know that Jesus, Jesus said it's not what goes into a man that defiles him, but what comes out. So I was just completing the cycle when I would rage and and let it all out. And I was bringing death, and that is putting it bluntly, and that's just the way it is. You bring death or life when you open your mouth. So my son telling me what he told me in that foyer of the hotel in in Alabama really made such a huge difference in who I am today. The raging internally was be was coming out of my mouth my whole life, and I did not know that I was perpetuating the problem. I would get frustrated, I would rage, I would outburst, and then I would feel bad. And I would always say, I'm sorry, and I'm sorry went nowhere. When I'm sorry is not enough, you start to change because you can be sorry and not change. I wanted change, and that day it began for me. So we're at the hotel finally in Louisiana, and I'm going through all these emotions, and I'm I'm trying to divide, you know, sheep, goat, sheep, goat, sheep, goat. Knowing that I had been controlling my life was uh it was damaging me. Knowing that fact didn't change what I had to go through. There is a measure of grit that you have to bring to changing your life. And if you don't meet, if you if you don't meet the force with equal and greater measure of grit against it, it will overtake you. When you want to rage, when you want to express your frustrations, or you want to express even just your sadness, what it what it is that you can't seem to get around, when you use statements like I'm stuck, when you use statements like you always and you never, and even when you use that kind of language towards yourself, you are perpetuating the evil that you're experiencing. Your life is so important, and like my husband says, the you bring something special to this world that nobody else can. And when my husband looks at me and says, with every heartbeat, your entire biology is resetting to what you believe. That will trash the talk that you've been giving to yourself and to others. If you believe that you can or you can't, you are right. I know that's a quote from uh Ford, uh, whatever his name is, the guy who created the Ford cars. He's right. I mean, it's it's such a fact that you have what you say, you eat well by the fruit of your lips, your belly will be full, and sometimes it creates such heartburn. Your biology kicks back, but you keep pushing, you keep pushing and you keep pushing. You think that expressing yourself is your right. You think that your opinion is your right, not when it destroys. You've been bought with a price, act like it. These are the things I say to myself. Your biology will actually push back so much. It will bitterness causes cancer, anger causes heart problems, unforgiveness can root itself in your cell biology and create sickness. Arthritis comes from unforgiveness, arthritis comes from worry or for a for a lack of better terms. When you want to rename worry, we'll call it concern. You're concerned. Who told you to be concerned? Who told you that it was it was necessary to your life to be concerned about something? Maybe you're concerned because you want to control it. I know that was the case for me. I wanted to control every circumstance, I wanted to control how everybody else behaved, I wanted to control their reactions to me when I'm not even controlling my own reactions to them. We get all twisted up, get our panties in a bunch because we can't control a situation. You weren't meant to control everything. Honestly, the last thing that a man or woman has control over is what comes out of the mouth. You can choose to speak what's good, and you can choose to speak what's bad. If you look at your children and say you're just like your father, you're going nowhere, you'll produce nothing, you'll amount to nothing. Guess what? That's what you will see, and that's what you will see coming. You will always project your failures on other people, and you will try to control them so that they don't act the way that you might react. You are no better than anybody else. You have a light in you. And if that light is darkness, how great is that darkness? It infects everything. Jesus was not asking a question when he said, How great is that darkness? He was making an emphasis on how great that darkness is, even if it's just a little bit. If I say I can't do it, guess what? I can't do it. We keep shooting ourselves in the foot. We're dropping bombs all over the place and thinking that we're going to avoid the impact. Shockwaves. Just think about shockwaves. You know, when you drop a bomb or when you shoot a gun, you feel the shockwave. Sometimes it's immediate, sometimes it's off in the distance, sometimes it can be so far in the distance that you don't feel it, but you receive the radiation in the atmosphere from it. And we all know what radiation does to the body. It eats away at your flesh, it eats away at your organs, it destroys your immune system, and you die. We don't take the Bible literal anymore. We think it's just a metaphor. It's not a metaphor. There are metaphors in there, but your life is not a metaphor. And you you can you can pick up we'll just transition right here into confessions. I've been through the charismatic camp. I've been through the word of faith camp. And what little bit that I did pull from them, from that camp, is what was real. I've gone from being a Baptist. Well, actually, I went from being a sinner to being a Baptist to being charismatic to being Pentecostal. Actually, I think it was the other way. Yeah, sinner, Baptist, Pentecostal, which was a huge change because now I speak in tongues. The Bible says don't forbid to speak in tongues, and yet the Baptists are real good about that, forbidding what we were told not to forbid. Anyway, different train. And so then I went into the charismatic camp, and then I went into the word of faith camp, and they all had these similarities, these these landmarks in faith. And I'm not discounting any of them. Thank God for the Baptists, they know how to get you saved. Thank God for the Pentecostals, because they teach you that Holy Spirit wants to be in you, He wants to live in you. And the charismatics, they're animated, they they are expressive about their faith. Praise God, that's awesome. Word of faith. Oh, now I now I know that what I say makes a difference. But now I'm in this really strange place. After what people call detoxing or deprogramming, I don't care what the language is. We move from faith to faith, from glory to glory. And that's what I've done. So I will not discount what I've been through with all the different sects of what we call Christianity. I learned something in each camp, and I take away those beautiful gems as I walk into this new season of my life. This is the season where I want to know what the mind of God is. And the mind of God is not my mind, because if it was up to me, you would do what I want, you would do it when I ask you to do it, and you would do it how I ask you to do it. I'm sorry, tell you, tell you, because asking is not an option when you want control. You will do what I say, and you will do it quickly, and you will do it well. That is not the mind of God, because that kind of mind is is at war with God. Even when I tell God, this is what I want. He's not my bellhop, he's not my servant, though you do need to let him serve you, but not on your terms. Your life is meant for so much more, and if you keep saying the wrong things, you will continue to have the wrong things. Play stupid games, get stupid prizes, kind of thing. So I want to talk about this. Galatians 6, 6. Let him who is taught the word share in all good things with him who teaches. Do not be deceived. God is not mocked. For whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption. Sounds pretty plain to me. Whatever you're sowing is what you're receiving. Whatever you're receiving is because you sowed or sown. Have sown. Whatever. It's not an English lesson, right? But he who sows to the spirit will of the spirit reap everlasting life. So we have a choice. If we are sowing to the flesh what I want, what I think I need, what I feel, what I think. If I continue to sew that out into the atmosphere, guess what? It's coming back. And it comes back with a vengeance because the atmosphere, let's get into this. My meditation and my words will actually draw to me. The atmosphere doesn't care what you want. It just knows that you want something. But if you will keep defining what you want with your negative attitude, you're gonna get what frequency you're putting out. If it's just frustration and it's anger and it's it's boiling over rage or disdain for something or someone, you're going to receive that tenfold, some thirtyfold, some sixtyfold, some a hundred. You get what I'm saying? Because the earth is groaning, creation is groaning for the manifestation of the sons of God. And the sons of God are peacemakers, the sons of God are do-gooders. We may not sit around and eat cookies and drink milk and pat each other on the back. Actually, that's kind of sickening. But what we do is we get into the dirt where the rubber meets the road. This this is where we live. I'm not saying it's easy. It may, it may even nearly destroy you. Thank God, because your ego is so big. You think you're the most important person in the room. And that's what I thought. I thought that everyone was supposed to serve me. Everyone should live according to what I feel. Everyone should do what I need them to do. And I shouldn't even, you know, it got so bad. My ego got so big that I would even look at them and say, I shouldn't have to tell you to do what you know is right to do. Wow. Wow. I was something. I was something else. I know this is probably not something that you deal with. You're probably walking on water, floating through the air, angels carrying you everywhere, and God running to your beck and call. Yeah, okay. I'm not, I'm not trying to be rude. I'm not. This is just how I feel. This is I'm so disgusted with my former behavior. And if this if this is touching you and making you mad, it's probably your problem too. So for he who sows to his flesh will have the flesh reap corruption. I was getting so much corruption, it was stupid. But he who sows to the spirit will have the spirit reap everlasting life. I'm starting to see a turnaround. Not in everybody else, because what everybody else does is not my problem. What everybody else does is not actually any of my business. Even if it does impact me negatively, it's none of my business. You hear me? It's none of your business. I'm meddling so that you don't have to. Because when someone is after you and they're impacting you negatively, guess what? That's your opportunity to grow. And I have had plenty of those moments. And yeah, I've I have failed a lot at controlling my soul. And a man who doesn't control his soul will have all kinds of corruption. But it says here, if you sow to the spirit, will of the spirit reap everlasting life. There there is this place that shuts down negativity. Sometimes it's just shutting up, and other times it's speaking words of life. Philippians 4.8, think on these things. What is true, what is lovely, what is pure, what is you know, these these are the things that we are supposed to think about. Set your meditation in these areas. And what you meditate on will come out of your mouth. Just look at the conversation that you had with the last person you were with. What did you say? That has been your meditation. And I'm not talking about the conversation where you act like you've got it all together and you know exactly what to say, and you came away from the conversation looking real pretty. Not one hair on your pretty little head fell to the ground. I'm talking about where the rubber meets the road when someone looks at you and say and says, God hates me. And you can look at him and say, Well, that may be your experience right now, but that's not the truth. It's a truth to you, but it's not the truth. You can walk away from that conversation and you can say, Well, I did the right thing, I said the right thing. I'm a I'm a good confessor, I'm a good witness for Jesus. I said the right thing, and walk away from that conversation having accomplished nothing in you or them. Because if your compassion for them did not rise because the problem was not solved and they didn't get the revelation that you understand, you accomplished nothing. You walk away and you're frustrated because they didn't get it. And then the next time you see them, you're even a little more frustrated, but you say the same thing. And the next time, and the next time, and the next time, and the next time. And when do you get worn out? When do you look at them and say, you know, enough is enough? I've told you the truth. Why aren't you getting it? Well, because you didn't really believe it. You just wanted them to make you feel good because you got to say it. That's not life. That's not life. And I'm I'm tired, I'm tired of hearing people play nice when they need to get nasty with themselves. They need to really look at themselves and say, you know what, I'm believing a lie and I keep perpetuating a lie. I walk the floor and I confess the word. Well, that doesn't do it. Sorry, sorry. Not my experience. You can wear out that carpet expecting God to come to your aid because you confessed it. Maybe it's time to wear out your knees. This, this, this playing Christianity is getting gross. Playing the victim because somebody hurt your feeling. Maybe it's time to stop having that feeling. Pick yourself up. Run to God. Give him all of that frustration and anger. You you know it's there. It's boiling beneath the surface. Miss Prim and proper. You're making sure that everybody knows you've got it together. It's okay. I'm not angry. I just wish that you would see my point of view. Your family knows who you are. The people that you hang with the most, they know who you are. You're not perfect. So sorry. Neither am I. We don't live according to our our imperfections if we're truly chasing after him. We truly want. We truly want to see the love of God come alive in our life. We keep eating death. And I mean we keep meditating on the things that affect us, that hurt us. We have all the answers in our meditation, you know. Well, next time this is what I'm gonna say. I have a right for them to know what I think. You also have a right to the consequences of what you say. I have free will. Yeah, you sure do. You sure do. I started really examining my life, not having any friends, always keeping to myself, staying quiet. You know that's what they say about people who pardon my expression, but they eat other people. I know it's morbid, but we we sit and eat people all the time. We share what we think about somebody else. We rail on their imperfections. You know what your problem is? Oh my gosh, I feel like I'm ranting instead of meddling. But I am, I'm meddling, and I'll tell you why. Because I am tired of a faithless, powerless gospel. I've been really looking at my life lately and the places where I've seen change and the places where I haven't seen change. And the places where I've seen change is because I humbled myself before God and I took on what he thinks, how he thinks, how he he speaks. And the times that I saw no change is because I joined the band. I joined the band of people who said, Well, we're just waiting on God. You you know it's a mystery how God works. We're we're waiting on our camels to come. You may not know that inside joke, but we had we had a preacher that came to our old church um, and three years in a row, he said the same thing. And it was, you know, God doesn't tell me to do these things, but I can I can feel it. If you give$88, God will bless you. And then he would go on to preach about how your camels are coming. Hold on, dear brother. Don't give up, because the minute you give up, you were just about to hit your breakthrough. Shut up. Just shut up. He did this three years in a row, said the same thing. God doesn't do this, but$88 and he'll bless you. Oh, so the the rest of us who don't have$88, we don't get blessed. What if I only had$22? Oh. So I'll only get a$22 blessing? Shut up. It's one thing to encourage somebody to hang on, but what am I doing during the hanging on? Where the rubber meets the road, where things are tough, where I I want to say it's never gonna work, it's never gonna happen, where I want to say, I want to give up, I want to quit, I can't do this anymore. That's where it counts. What am I doing while I'm holding on? I'll tell you. And I ain't got it all figured out, but I'll tell you something that I know works. Shut up. How are you going to hear the word of the Lord? How are you going to hear his still small voice when all you're doing is sitting around screaming? Just shut up. He's in the quiet. When you can sit down, I'm not even saying you have to open the word, you need to pray. How about just meditate? We want to say that the Lord is good, but then we act like he's not. We we want to say that Jesus is Lord and that God is in control, but he's not. You're in control. The heavens are the Lord's, but the earth he gave to men. Welcome to it. He created you from the dirt, and you are the one in control. And a lot of people will say, especially the intellectuals, they'll say, they'll say, Well, that seems so stupid. That's the analytical mind. It seems so stupid that my words can create my reality. Yeah, it can. It can. It's like the butterfly effect. I don't know if anybody remembers that movie, but it's the butterfly effect. If you put your finger in the water, it's gonna cause a ripple across the entire lake. Are you getting it? I mean, are are you are you seeing it? If you want the goodness of God in your life, you have to speak it. And I'm not saying arbitrarily just spit it out there because that's what you want. Do you believe that the goodness of God is always pursuing you? That his loving kindness is always with you, pursuing you, desperately wanting to give you, yield up. The earth wants to yield up. That is the plan of God for your life. Your your biology wants the goodness of God. Your biology craves right believing. And when we continue to deny our biology what it needs, we get fat, we get rude, self-righteous, and we dive into other people's business that is not ours. There is this, I don't, I don't know what to say. There's this current that I see coming towards me. I'm not saying that life is so perfect in God, actually. You live in a fallen world and you have a fallen mindset that you continue to perpetuate all of the earthly problems that you have. And I'm not just saying you because I, you know, I got it figured out. I'm not saying you because I'm pointing my finger at you. These are the things that I say to myself, you think that you are so untouchable that you can say what you want, you can do what you want, and yet the blessing of God should come upon me because I'm his child. Grow up. You it and I wanna I want to talk to I want to talk now about people who are self-degrading, self-loathing, self-debasing. You condemn yourself. And the reason that you keep missing God, the reason you can't hear God is because you're too busy talking from the chaos that's in your soul. Your soul has you, not you have your soul. It I'm not saying it is an easy thing to shut up, but that's my suggestion. Shut up. Shut up the noise in your soul. You are not your mind. Your soul is stirred up because you won't control it. It's grasping at some kind of semblance of stability, and you're not feeding it. You keep stuffing the equivalency of McDonald's and Burger King and Taco Bell, greasy spoon places, you just keep shoving it in your soul. You want to sit around and watch movies that have mild pornography in them, people who are cussing up a storm. Yeah, that's the world. But you don't have to feed yourself on that. You are what you eat, and you will eat well by the fruit of your lips. So if if what you're saying is causing a problem and you ain't got nothing else to say, you feel this block in the spiritual realm, it's probably because you can't receive healing because you keep feeding poison to you. Your life means so much more. Look at the goodness around you. If the only thing that you have that you can say is good in your life is, um, I just got a 75-inch TV, baby. Thank God for it. And now use the TV to glorify God. If the only thing in your life that you see that is good is your children, oh, that's such a great place to start too. Think on these things. Whatever is good, whatever is pure, whatever is noble. These are the things that bring life. And I'm not, I haven't even gotten into life abundant yet. I'm just at the place of getting out of the garbage. I'm I'm sick of religion. The religion has not been pure. We've abandoned the widows in their time of trouble, and we've handed off the orphans to somebody else to deal with. We are a church that has forgotten who her husband is, who she is betrothed to, and we're running around like orphans without a father. You you you have so much more that you can have. I I deal with I I deal with arthritis. I was tested for rheumatoid arthritis, don't have it, but yet my joints are inflamed. Well, I I can't explain that. Well, okay, you have fibromyalgia because we can't put a label on what's actually wrong with you. All of your nerves are firing in different places. And I was like, okay, so I hit it from the natural. I went through years of different diets trying to figure out what's wrong with me. Don't eat sugar, don't eat flour, quit eating fast food, quit consuming juices because it's just straight sugar with no fiber, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Can't eat rice because it bloats my stomach, it hurts. Constipation. Oh, we're going there, huh? Yeah, taboo. I know. But your my biology is screaming. It's it's not bringing me the message that I thought that it should. You think your body's betraying you, but it's telling you something. What is your internal state like? Are you happy? Do you have joy? Then you don't know the Lord. I want to know him because after all, I mean, that's like the big statement at the end of this life when you cross over. I never knew you, workers of iniquity. You know what iniquity is? I did it my way. I used all of my experiences in life to measure my behavior, to do what I felt was right. I did what I wanted. And he says, I never knew you. That's that's a pretty devastating reality. And I don't, I don't wanna, I don't want to hear that. Because in the end, he separates the sheep from the goats. Goats. And I this this this is probably the heaviest podcast I've done so far. And I'm only five in. It's gonna get better. It's it's gonna it's gonna really, it's gonna be something when I come through all of my BS, when I'm truly humble and done with myself. And I I doubt that that's ever gonna happen. You know, the you're you're always constantly having to humble yourself because man's pride is so rooted in the traditions that that we've experienced. Don't ever think that you're above metanoia, the changing of your mind. If you're going in the direction that you don't like and it feels wrong, it feels bad, it's probably not the direction you need to go. Your life is hidden in God through Christ. Go find it. Stop expecting other people to tell you who you are, and stop using your experiences in life and your feelings to label who you are. I used to have this problem. I was constantly saying, I am tired. I'm tired, I'm tired. I've been tired my whole life. I'm tired. That was my statement. What's yours? And because I kept saying it and I believed it, I believed it. But doesn't it say that those who wait on the Lord, He will renew your strength? Huh. Yeah, that's what he says. Think about the the the I am statement that you have for your life. I am stuck, I am worthless, I am invisible. Just think about it. Just think about it. Because the most the most powerful label that you can ever have is I am. When Moses was gonna go deliver the children of Israel, he said, Who do I say sent me? And he said, I am. That that is a whole level of OG. Jesus is the original gangster, let me tell you. He he knows way more than you think he does. When he says, I am, that is the OG statement. You might want to rethink the I ams in your own life. I am not heard, I am not loved, I am not, I am not, I am not. Well, what are you? Guess what? When you say I am not loved, you're not loved. And it's not that you're not loved, it's you can't receive it. So when someone else says you are loved, no, no, I've already labeled myself and my biology lines up with it. All of my thinking says I am not loved. I have too many experiences, I have too much evidence, and the earth, the frequencies of the atmosphere have confirmed I am not loved. I am abandoned. If you say so, if you say so, then it will be your reality. I think I'm done meddling. Guys, for real, your life is worth so much more than what you are saying. Your meditations need to be cleaned up, you need to wash your brain, let Holy Spirit in. I had a I had a dream this past week that really hit home. I saw massive white, or they weren't white, they were cream like an off-white color. And was all these wooden boxes, I mean, bigger than me. I mean, they were just massive cream-colored crates, basically. And they were all nice and neat and asymmetrical, and all of a sudden, the the walls of the boxes disappeared. I mean, just into thin air, they just disappeared. And one by one, each box, uh every single piece, one piece at a time of the frame of the box fell to the ground. And it happened one box at a time. And the Lord was showing me because I have chosen to do my meditation right and to catch the things going on in my heart, capturing every thought that pertains to how I feel and how I should see myself. Those are the thoughts that I've been capturing. He was showing me that he is proud of me for allowing him to dismantle the boxes that I have stuffed my problems in and my ideas about him in. It's time to let him in and let him dismantle the boxes that you believe protect you. They protect your secrets, they protect your identity, your ego. I encourage you to get into your meditations and on purpose think about what is good. Matter of fact, let's let's just go ahead and read that. We'll we'll close with this. We will hit Philippians 4, 8. Oh, well, that this is great. Let's just start in six. Philippians 4, verse 6. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your request be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue, and if there is anything praiseworthy, meditate on these things. I don't know what else I can say. Clean up your meditation and you'll see your whole life get cleaned up. Fix your meditation and you'll see your problems fixed. I'm not saying everybody's gonna align with what you want. I'm saying you will align with what God wants. Know this. I totally love you guys. I don't have anything against you, and I'm not even holding anything against myself because God doesn't. I'm here to expose my life, no matter how nasty it looks, no matter how not together I've got it, because I serve it as a as an example. We all do. Now, what kind of example do I want to set? I want to be the little old lady that everybody loves. Not because, not because I was subservient to men and women, but because I loved God and I want his best for you, not mine, not my best for you, his best for you. I don't want you to live according to my sayings, my words. I want you to get into prayer and meditation and find out what he wants for your life. Let him serve you that way you can serve others. It's not about you being served by others so that you can serve God right. Let him serve Serve you, and then you can serve others. And in serving others, you serve him because you've done it the way that he asked you to. Praise God. Praise God. Let's pray. Father, I thank you for the wonderful journey of my life and what it has been and what it has not been. I don't want to focus on what was wrong, but I thank you that you've given me the ability to think on what is right. I don't have to continue to meditate on what is wrong and what is hurtful and what is killing me and what is spewing death out of my mouth. But Father, you give me the words of life and I share them with others. I thank you, Father, that you empower all of us to say the right things, what you once said. Though it may offend another, it will, it will cut them deep, and then you'll heal them, and you they'll be better for it. You've done this in my life. I thank you that you do it in theirs. I thank you that you all go in peace, and the love of God leads you, cares for you, holds you, empowers you in Jesus' name.