Let's Talk, Sister

The Surprising Power of True Forgiveness That Sets You Free and Releases God's Blessing

• Jade

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In this episode we talk about the transformative power of forgiveness, emphasizing that true forgiveness involves releasing the need for an apology or retribution. We share personal experiences and insights on how holding onto unforgiveness can block blessings and create emotional and physical burdens. We highlight the importance of humility, acknowledging one's own faults, and trusting in God's plan. Our conversation also touches on the challenges of forgiving those who have deeply hurt us and the freedom that comes from letting go of bitterness and hurt. We encourage you to give it all to God and allow HIM to help you truly forgive and move into freedom.

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SPEAKER_01

Life is not always fair. But God has a bigger plan in us. God's got something in this room. Sometimes you have to walk with people and and just constantly reassure them. God is on your side. God is not medicine. God is not a bad God. There's something better. And the yuckiness inside of me.

SPEAKER_03

I mean, let me tell you, there was a lot of yuck in this sister. And I would have told you there was not yuck, but there was a lot of yuck in my heart. I wanted revenge. I wanted them to pay. I hope they suffer. I hope, you know, I wish terrible things on these people.

SPEAKER_04

The only thing that helps me up is thinking about what I've been forgiven for. Keeping my eyes on the cross. And when I get my eyes off of what that person did to me, and I focus on what Jesus forgave me.

SPEAKER_01

It stops God from being able to bless us. Because if we can't walk, He says He forgives the way we forgive. Yeah. Two-way street. Yes, absolutely. And you can see people that their blessings are withheld. God's wanting to do something in their life, but we're just sitting here being old.

SPEAKER_03

So that the next time we got in an argument, it didn't come back up. Because I had truly forgiven him in my heart. Hey, I'm not gonna hold that against you. I'm not gonna use that as ammunition or to hurt you anymore. Like, I really want that gone. God, I forgive them.

SPEAKER_04

But if we still think that they owe us an apology or that they should be paid back for what they did, then we really have not extended our forgiveness.

SPEAKER_03

Welcome back to Let's Talk, Sister. We're excited today to open up the conversation on forgiveness.

SPEAKER_04

Yes, yes, yes, yes. That is a subject that needs to be discussed.

SPEAKER_03

Amen.

SPEAKER_04

Forgiving ourselves.

SPEAKER_03

Yes, forgiving God.

SPEAKER_04

Forgiving others. Yes, amen. Accepting God's forgiveness all the things.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, and that is hard on every Christian. Yes.

SPEAKER_04

It's it's almost I guess it's sometimes hard because the enemy whispers in our ear, you knew better. So how could God really forgive you? You are a Christian and you knew better. I mean, I know that was my experience, beating myself up for five years, shame and guilt. You knew better, you're a Christian. Yes, amen. We do know better. Sometimes we don't do better. Yeah. I know better. We don't do better.

SPEAKER_01

And you know that's a process. And so many times we put ourselves on a hook.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And we say, Well, you should have done this and you should have done that. Well, we didn't.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

So here we are at square one saying, God, you have to help me. I messed up here. And in that forgiveness, sometimes we may have to go and ask somebody's forgiveness. And none of us like that one. And so I've learned sometimes if I'm if I feel like I'm gonna say something, yeah. To not say anything, because I want to skip that having to go and beg for forgiveness.

SPEAKER_04

Yes.

SPEAKER_03

Amen. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

That's or over explaining it once you do it, and then you have you know God's gonna convict you, so therefore you then you overexplain it to somebody and yeah. Oh yeah. Amen. And I think Go ahead. And I think that also something that a lot of I know I struggle with, I don't know if y'all struggle with it, but if I'm upset with somebody, if I have held back forgiveness, and when I say held back forgiveness, I guess I mean you know, you can say all day, God I forgive them, I God I forgive them. But if we still think that they owe us an apology or that they should be paid back for what they did, then we really have not extended that forgiveness. Absolutely. You know, because you can say all day, I've forgiven them, I've forgiven them. But if we still expect expect something to to happen to them for what they did to us, or we want that we you need to come to me and say you're sorry, then you really haven't forgiven because forgiveness, forgiveness doesn't require them to them to ask for it.

SPEAKER_01

No, it doesn't.

SPEAKER_04

Like you said, it's taking somebody off of your hook and giving them to God, saying, here you go, I release it. Now that doesn't mean you have to be friends with them again. It doesn't mean you have to get in a relationship with them again, but you're taking them off, owing you an apology, owing you an explanation, yes, owing you what is that word? Um Retribution.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, owing you anything.

SPEAKER_04

You're taking it away from you, you're giving it to God, you're letting them handle it from now on, and that's hard. Because it's almost like saying what they did is okay. And that is not what forgiveness, that's not the definition of forgiveness. No, it's okay that you I mean, let's just take a crime for example. It's okay that you stole this money from from me. It's okay. That no, it's not okay. They didn't they didn't earn it, they didn't, but you're allowing God to deal with it now. Yes, yes, you're allowing God to deal with it. It doesn't mean you need to go and hang out with that person and I'll steal from you again, but you're allowing and that's hard, man. That's hard. Yes.

SPEAKER_01

You know, one time I was in a hospital room. I'd gone to visit somebody, and they had gone down to get tests, but the other family was in there, and they happened to be watching one of these crime shows. I think it's first 48 or something. Anyway, they brought this man and his wife in, and their daughter had been murdered. And the first thing the husband said is, I know you have to investigate us and look at us, we're an open book. I said, When you get done looking at us, I want you to know whoever murdered our daughter, we're forgiving them. And the wife said, I don't know that I'm there yet. He said, You will be because you're my wife, and we are not gonna be those people who are bitter. We're gonna our daughter's legacy is going to have meant something. And that just did something to me. I wanted to sit there and cry. Yeah. Because it's we've all had to forgive petty stuff. Somebody told you it's fat or whatever, or that you look stupid in that dress. That's and yet we get hung up on that. Yeah. Yeah. Imagine losing a child or something like that. Yeah. And it's not saying that that person won't get punished. Right. Right. He wasn't saying, hey, I don't want this person to be punished. Right, right, right. He was saying our heart's gonna be pure in this.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Yes. We're not gonna interfere with what the justice system says. We're gonna have a right heart. Amen.

SPEAKER_04

And here's the thing is, you know, when you think about it, and you know, uh, we're like, how do they do that? How do they do it? Well, they knew there was freedom in releasing that because let's say they don't. Let's say that they say, no, I I I refuse to ever release it. Okay, was that person the first of all, they probably don't care. Second of all, are they even gonna know? Like, you know, um, but yet the people who are holding the grudge, we that's suffering. That is a prison. Yes, it doesn't make you know, by releasing it doesn't mean that that other person, like you said, is escaping punishment, da, nothing. That let let the justice, let God handle that, let the justice you're giving yourself freedom by releasing it. Now it's not saying what they did was right, it's not saying that it's okay. But man, the diseases and the pain that we hold on to by harboring anger, yes, uh physically, right, spiritually, emotionally, everything. And it's hard. People, well, you don't know what they've done to me. You're right. I I you're right. But in reality, how is that help? Like, what are you gaining by staying mad at them towards them? Are they doing that?

SPEAKER_01

Right. Are they coming back?

SPEAKER_04

That's right. Are you hurting them by staying mad? And they y'all probably don't talk. They probably don't, you know, there's probably no kind No. I mean, I I was hurt pretty recently in the past year, and every time I think about it, I want to get mad. But what is it like? It's not not doing so. I'm like, okay, God, help me to see them in your eyes. Help me to still release it. Don't, you know, I pray blessings. If if it means that you're gonna that my heart will be softened by praying for them, then let me do that because I it does not hurt them at all for me to get triggered and to be like, oh, ooh. Yeah, it does nothing for the people.

SPEAKER_01

And it stops God from being able to bless us. Because if we can't walk, he says he forgives the way we forgive. Yeah, you know, it's a two-way street.

SPEAKER_02

It is, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01

And you can see people that their blessings are withheld. God's wanting to do something in their life, but we're just sitting here being old Right.

SPEAKER_04

Amen. You're like a you're like a pond that has no escape. You're just you know, you're not a river. When you hold bitterness, unforgiveness, you're like this, and you're not flowing. That's it. And it does not it doesn't do anything for your for you, your testimony, your anything.

SPEAKER_01

I was at a nursing home one time and uh a friend of mine, she always took young kids to the nursing home, let them do little songs and stuff, and and one of the nurses said, Miss Lindy, I want you to meet Miss Ramsey. And uh she was an older lady and her arm one of her arms didn't work right. And she was blind. She had been a missionary and they had poured acid in her eyes and broken her arm, and she laid out there for a long time and she never because she laid there so long, she never was able to use that arm right. She could play the piano better with one hand than most people can with two. And she just had this bubbly spirit about her. And I asked her, I said, Miss Ramsey, how are you so different from these other ladies? She said, honey, there a lot of them are here, they're bitter and they're unforgiving. And she said they see the end of their life and that nobody treated them right. And this is a lady that people poured acid in her eyes, that had broken her arm, and she said, Oh, honey, I just see this is my my I'm in a mission field.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

She saw beauty where everybody else saw that they were getting ready to die. And that taught me a lesson.

SPEAKER_05

Amen.

SPEAKER_01

And listen, it doesn't get easier necessarily to forgive, but sometimes we have to keep saying, God, I am not gonna have this in my heart. I'm not gonna wake up a bitter old hag that nobody wants to be around. Amen. Right. Yes.

SPEAKER_04

The main thing we have got to, well, the only thing that helps me uh is thinking about what all I've been forgiven for. Yeah. Keeping my eyes on the cross. And when I get my eyes off of what that person did to me and I focus on how Jesus forgave me, it just does a whole different thing to you. If you can't think, you know, scientifically, even though we think we have a million thoughts running through our mind at one time, scientifically you can only think one thing at a time. Right. So if I'm thinking about what they did to me, what they said to me, what they said about me, I cannot be thinking about Jesus' love. I cannot be thinking about how you went to the cross for me. Man, you you wanted a relationship with me. You wanted to build that bridge so that I could talk to God anytime I wanted to. You did that for me. So if I'm thinking about how they hurt me, I can't think about that. When I start to think about how they hurt me, I've got to change my thoughts, be like, oh yeah, God, I I release them again. And you might have to do it, you know, we beat ourselves up because we thought we forgave one time and it doesn't trigger, things trigger. So you might have to do it over and over again. But he will if if we're humble before him and he knows that we want our heart free of this offense, I don't want to be mad at them. I don't want to be angry. He will soften it's all about the everything boils down to us being humble to him. You know, that's what it boils down to. God, I don't want to be mad at them. That's being humble. I I don't want I I feel angry. They hurt me. That's being humble, telling him about it, and not just taking it on ourself and just either trying to seek revenge or trying to talk to, you know, he's told me before, don't tell nobody. Please, can I please tell everybody what they did? You know, like but it's all about you and him communicating in this situation. It's just gonna grow your faith. Even um even being even somebody hurting us grows our faith. Yes. And he uses it his glory.

SPEAKER_01

And you know what? When we first get born again, most of us pray some pretty crazy prayers. But the first thing we usually say is, Jesus, I want to be like you. I want to love like you. I want to be somebody you can use. Well, guess what? Amen. He got spit on and he got mistreated. And he you know what not even just what he endured on the cross, but think of the people who came against him and walked off from him and betrayed him and tried to trip him up. And his final thing that he said is, Father, forgive them for they know what not what they do. Amen. Amen.

SPEAKER_04

And I've asked him, help me to see them how you see them. And all of a sudden, you will see their hurt. You will. Yes. And you know, and then the enemy likes to come and say, Don't, don't, don't give them too much grace. Don't, you know, don't don't forgive them too much, because then, you know, it comes back like, they'll just do it again. Yeah, they'll do it again. You know, even though they're like we've said, you don't have to be friends, like that's the whole thing. Forgiveness doesn't mean you go and hang out. That is not what that means.

SPEAKER_05

Amen.

SPEAKER_04

It just means releasing it and maybe seeing them through God's eyes. Let me see them through your eyes. I know that they have hurt, but that's why they act the way they do, that's why they did what they did. There is hurt there.

SPEAKER_01

Amen. But you know, I think even more than forgiving other people. So and a lot of people have not experienced this, but if you suffer a death, somebody that you prayed for, somebody that you loved, or I can't, heaven forbid, I can't imagine losing a child or a baby. But being able to say, God, I don't understand this and not taking on that heart. And I've seen young children, one of my my grandsons got very angry when my husband died. He said that was not fair. And it's hard to explain to children. Life is not always fair, but God has a bigger plan in it. Somehow God's got something in this for you. And it's sometimes you have to walk with people and and just constantly reassure them hey, God is on your side, God is not mad at you, God is not a bad God. Yes, there's something better. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

They're forgiving God, like not holding this.

SPEAKER_01

And I I can't tell you how many thousands of people I've run into in my lifetime. When you're out, or even now, I have people who come to my home a lot and they want prayer, and they're mad at God because their spouse died, their child died, their mother died. I was just getting a good relationship with my mother and she died, or whatever. I was just fixing to get married and my fiancee died. And you know what? It's not that God is mad at them, and it's not that God hates them. And if somebody know if somebody out there knows the magic answer to death, I'll gladly take it. But I also know in the midst of that, somehow, it brings us to a higher level when we let God walk us through that forgiveness. God, I'm not gonna be mad at you. I'm not gonna well put my hands in the air. And you can read Job in a totally different way after you have uh seen death.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

And you're right though, pride does get in the way with that because when I got to Evans you told me I'm having to forgive God. I was you know, I remember the first time I was challenged on that, like, what do you need to forgive God for? I was like, Oh, I don't need to forgive God for anything. He's never done anything, you know, like I don't have any, you know, ill will, but I did. You know, when I got to thinking about it, because I was like, Why did my daddy have to go so early? Uh-huh. Why did he not get to spend time with his grandchildren? And I didn't really realize how much that was affecting me and that I was holding on to it. And I did have to ask forgiveness for getting mad at him.

unknown

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03

But the Christians, even me, like, we want to just pretend like that's not reality. Oh, we would never get mad at God. He's God. No, if you really pause and think about it, we do. And we have to be humble enough to admit it. I mean, he already knows, he knows our thoughts, he knows everything about us, he knows what we're thinking, what we're gonna do, everything. So it's not like we can hide it from him, pretend that we don't, um, cover it up with pretty words or scriptures or the right thing to say, you know, because that was always me was to make it sound good, you know, like if I cover it up with Christianity or the right thing to say, it somehow it makes it okay, and that you know it doesn't hurt as bad or feel as bad or whatever. But the truth is it does hurt. Yes. And we do have hurts. And like you were saying, if we could be honest with that and take it to him and say, God, this did hurt. This did stink. But yet, because you've forgiven me of much, I'm gonna return that same forgiveness to them. And I'm gonna trust you to be my vindicator in this. Yeah. You know, I don't know if any of y'all watched The Shack that movie. I haven't yet. Oh, I I I recommend that to everybody listening is to go and watch The Shack because that movie wrecks me every time. Whole inner healing journey in that movie. But it showed me me when he became the judge of what was right and what was wrong. And when he had to stand up there and she was like, Oh, but you've been judgmental and you're playing God, and you're you're judging who is worthy of forgiveness and who is not worthy of forgiveness. I mean, it hit me like a brick in the face. And I was like, That's me. I have done that, I have judged whether somebody is worthy or not of my forgiveness. And I mean, I broke in that movie, and I was like, I really had to start searching my heart because I was like, how many times have I been the judge and the jury? And the executioner. Yes, ma'am, you better believe it. And I am not those things. He is the only one that is those things, and you're right, there was uh some fruit missing in my life because I was holding on to things, you know, because in my mind, I'll be honest, I thought, if I forgive them, they don't suffer.

SPEAKER_04

If I forgive them, yeah, that's a mess of pain.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, yes, like them doing something, like I'm doing something. I mean, that'll yes, but that was my mindset, is like, if I forgive them, then they don't they don't get to suffer anymore. They get off the hook, and then it ain't fair what they did. And man, I just I I did it because I wanted, I'll just be honest, there were several of them. I wanted to suffer, I wanted them to suffer. I'm sorry, the way they made me suffer. Yeah, and I was like, you're gonna pay for this, yeah. You know, and by me being mad and angry and all the things, yeah. I think I'm making them mad and angry and all the things, and they're just going on with life like life's no big deal. Yeah, and I'm just getting more and more frustrated, more and more angry. And we know that grows in into bitterness and resentments. You know, it just keeps on going, and those roots just keep getting deeper and deeper and deeper. Oh, they get heavier and they do you know what's sad?

SPEAKER_01

It's if you don't forgive something I say today, amen. Then a couple of months from now, somebody comes along and they just add a little fertilizer to them because of something they say, and pretty soon, do you know it takes very little to water that? Amen. Oh you could be in a church service and just say me. I turn around to look at somebody, and Christina is offended. I turn around to look at see who's come through the door, and she says, She's staring at me. She's talking about food. You're right. You take a look at the thing.

SPEAKER_04

I know people like that that every single thing revolves. I'm like, where did you even get that from? Like they'll tell me something or like, where do you even hear that? That has nothing to do with you. They take offense. But that will be security.

SPEAKER_01

That starts out, I guarantee you, somewhere along the way, they got offended and they have never totally got rid of it all. Amen. They keep some residue or something there. And you know, that is the only thing that it says that we can plant that little seed. And buddy, we can wake up to the Brazilian rainforest overnight in our yard in our yard and think. Lord, hell, we're gonna kill all this off.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, it's hard to do it. I mean, you had to do some deep pulling after you let this one on top of this one on top of that. And you're right, it's just listen, I remember, this is crazy. I remember one time this girl, I don't know where the even the seed started, but this girl posted a picture of her son in his football uniform. And she's and just the quote over it, real boys play football. It wasn't directed at me. It wasn't it I felt so mad at her. I'm like, are you saying my son he don't play football so he's not a real boy? Right. There was something offended, probably that she had done at some other point that I never got over, and then or that I never released. And then she made that post and I'm like, and then it was I was so angry with her. It was so weird. I'm like, anger her. It started when I led a little offense maybe a couple months before that and didn't deal with it. You gotta deal with them the second. If you're driving through town and somebody cuts you off, deal with it right then with yourself and release it because then the next person cuts you off, you might uh run, ram them in because you didn't deal with the first time. We gotta deal with these offenses. We can't let them come into anything because it only takes a little bit. The enemy uses to just like you said, you wake up and all of a sudden you're angry at the world. You're angry at every little thing somebody does, you're mad at them, it just goes on top of each other. And you know what else comes with unforgiveness is pride. Because when I when these people something happened that hurt me, I caught myself being like, I wouldn't do that to somebody. I wouldn't have done it, I wouldn't have done it. And God said, Whoo, I I hurt him. You're getting halty. And I'm like, Holdy, what are you talking about? And he showed me you think you're better than them. Now, now it's turned into, yeah, they hurt you, they were wrong. But now you've put on top of it, you you've you've grabbed, you're better than them because you wouldn't do that to somebody. I had to go to God, of course, and repent. And and you know, he brought it to my attention, thankfully, so I could repent about you're right. I you know, I think I'm better than them because I wouldn't do this to them. What all have I done? My goodness, look at the stuff I've done against God, against other people. Maybe I wouldn't have done that. Maybe I would have done what they did to somebody else, but it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. I have messed up. I have messed up.

SPEAKER_01

Big time.

SPEAKER_04

And my and I you cannot let ego and pride think all that goes to it, all is one little thing on top of another. You know, you your offense, then your insecurity, your pride, your fear, your anxiety, all that is combined. But yeah, it starts, I mean, a lot of it starts with, have we forgiven others? Have we forgiven ourselves? Have we forgiven God? Because that's kind of like the foundation. Well, that is what Jesus can't. I mean, he can't offer that bridge in a way of forgiveness. So that is like a one of our foundation things. That's why Jesus talks about it so much in the Bible, forgiving others.

SPEAKER_03

And when he says 70 times seven, like, okay, you're like, man, that's a lot. And forgive our debts as we forgive. But if you think about it, we do get offended a lot in a day. Oh, yeah. We can. And and there can be a lot of forgiveness we have to offer in one day.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Not just over the course of a lifetime. But then also how many times do we need to be forgiven today? Yes. Not just by the Lord, but by our spouse, our children, our co-workers. I mean, when has our attitude been unpleasant? You know, when have we said or done things that we shouldn't have said?

SPEAKER_04

And things we don't even mean to. No, we lose our temper. We're going to change that grace that's there. Like, you know, you cut somebody off in traffic, you're not even sold. You didn't mean to. God has some great. You know, I think, I mean, I'm not saying we forgive to exchange, but I do believe that whenever we are humbly sitting before God and we work on that, we work on forgiving and and letting grace things, then He He makes the person we cut off see things a little differently, not to be, you know, so angry they're gonna ram you or something like that. You know what I mean? Like it's all it's all kind of little things all day long.

SPEAKER_03

Yes. So like in relationships, because I know this was hard for me, and I'm sure a lot of people are listening like, oh, you want me to forgive so and so? Just like you said earlier. You don't know what they've done. Yeah, you don't know how bad it was, how hard it was, all the things. And I and I totally get it, because I was at the point in my relationship, you know, with me, I'll just use me and Kyle for for one example. You know, just the level of hurt from addiction, him, you know, walking out on us. Yeah, the the the the lies, just the everything that had been the manipulation, the the anger, the isolation, the all the things, the stealing from me, you know, stealing my jewelry, the pawning stuff that was my you know, all these things that came into the picture. Yeah. And then getting to Evans and learning who Jesus was, like a really a a deep relationship with him and how he's forgiven me of much, and then turning around and offering forgiveness to Kyle and what would seem like impossible to do. Because like, you know, how am I gonna forgive him for all these things that I was holding my unforgiveness toward him for? Like it seemed insurmountable. Like, how am I gonna do this? But with that humility of Lord, I want to be pleasing to you. I don't want anything in between mine and your relationship. And when I learned that that was hindering me from hearing from the Lord and just my prayers being heard, things being answered, like it really got me to thinking, like, man, I've got a lot standing in the way of me, God. Because I've played Him and everything, you know, like I've tried to be God and say I was either worthy of this forgiveness or he wasn't worthy of forgiveness. Yeah. And when I started looking at it like that, I was like, You know, I want I don't want that hindering mine and your relationship. I want to grow my relationship with you, Lord. I don't want to distance myself from you. I want to feel close to you. And if this is gonna hinder me and you, Lord, then I'm gonna do it. And when my attitude and my perspective changed in that of like, I'm not doing it to say Kyle's right, or what he did didn't hurt, or that it was okay. I'm not minimizing it, nothing. But I'm just saying, Lord, you're more important. Me and mine, your relationship is more important than harboring this ill will towards Kyle, anger towards Kyle, madness towards Kyle. All this me and you are more important than any of that. And I don't want it blocking me. That might be the key right there.

SPEAKER_04

Yes. If we can't forgive somebody, what is more important? Yes. If we feel like there's no way of forgiving them, what's the most important?

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Being able to have an open communication with God or holding a grudge that let's say, let's say Kyle and you weren't even together, let's say that y'all decided to stay apart, but you still harbored this anger and all that, he's still living his life. But we think we're getting them back. We really do. We really believe that you can't let go of it.

SPEAKER_03

No, because I thought it was punishing Kyle if I held on to it. Right, exactly. I thought he was having to suffer harder, his life was more miserable, but that wasn't the truth. Right. That that was that was just the line of part of it. I was the one that was suffering. And he was over there getting freedom. And he was getting freedom at Evans, and I was the one suffering because I was the one holding on to it. Right. So how does that manifest? And people don't like to talk about that part of like when I'm holding on to that unforgiveness. Just say one of my kids walked up to me, okay, and we're having a moment or whatever. Well, they walk up and I pop off at them. I I get angry with them, I talk ugly to them, you know, I holler, yell, you know, all those things. I couldn't even see that it was manifesting and coming out of me in those areas because of the anger and bitterness that was stored up in my heart that I wasn't releasing to God because I I needed my right to be right and I needed to hold on to that. Yeah. So every time I did, just more bitterness grew in my heart, more anger grew in my heart. And then when little things happened, especially with my children, I would pop off, snap at them, get angry, but I didn't realize it was coming from that root that was in there. Yes. I didn't realize that until God had to start showing me that, like, if you get rid of that, yeah, because you know the Bible says, out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. But I had a friend tell me that that is true.

SPEAKER_04

Yes, oh wow, that is good. The tongue, paddle tails on the heart. We will say what is in here. Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_03

And so when that was coming out at my children, it was nothing to do with Hunter and Haley.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Okay, yeah, they might have put their shoes in the wrong place, but it really wasn't about the shoes being in the wrong place. It was me. I had so much frustration, anger, bitterness welled up inside me that when the littlest thing happened that didn't go just my way, it was just you know, and everybody pays for the racket.

SPEAKER_04

Brian can always tell if if we're, you know, come home from work and everything, and if I'm like, ugh, like impatient about the kitchen or the, he's like, what happened today? And it always goes back to, well, this is what I saw on Facebook. This is what this person did. And he's like, I could tell it was something that happened, not the kitchen. It wasn't the kitchen that made you mad. It wasn't the the messy living room, it was something that you grabbed on to and didn't release right then. Yes. And you know, and I've this is something that um I don't know if anybody else deals with this, but uh us praying for our enemy. And I had a friend tell me, or I had a friend tell me that person that hurt me needs a lot of prayer. And I'm like, I know, but I almost don't want them to get a relationship with God. Ain't that terrible? Ain't that terrible? That's terrible. I told I said, I'm sorry, God forgive me. And I started thinking about it, and it's like I was thinking, I don't want them to get a relationship with God because they they don't deserve a blessing. But then let's okay, let's flip that. If they really got to know God, they would be humble enough to talk to me about what happened. Like there would be reconciliation if they really got to know God, me and then would be able to talk about and forgive and really just get to a place of releasing all of it. So why and and plus, do I don't want nobody to go to hell? Why wouldn't I want them? And that's when I know, like, God, you gotta fix me because I'm sorry that I don't want them to know you. Like, that's terrible of me. But when somebody's hurt you, you you don't want any blessing for them. Let's just be honest. You really don't want them to be blessed. But if they got to know God, that blessing would be a ripple effect for a lot of I mean, you know, he used that.

SPEAKER_01

Well, you know, I can remember being uh a young woman in the Lord, and somebody did something very atrocious to me, and I knew that I had to forgive them. And I was working through it, I was going in and I was saying, God, I don't feel it, blah, blah, blah. And then I knew the Lord was telling me to pray for them to be blessed, and I thought, I cannot do this. I thought my idea of blessing them would be Lord, right, give them cancer, AIDS, legacy, and then longevity. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04

But they're gonna sit in it.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, and then God had to work with me. And I'm telling you, it took me weeks of laying on my face. Yeah, and I had a history of that. My family, uh, on my mother's side of the family, they were particularly proud of how many generations they could carry grudge about some. Oh, I'm telling you, and some bitterness, and that's one of the things that my husband and I talked about when we first got married. We don't want to be what we saw in our own homes.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

We don't want to be those people who brawl in front of the kids or who don't walk in forgiveness. And so it takes some time, sometimes.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I it's not the little things that always trip us up. Yeah. Sometimes those big things, we stay bound in those for years.

SPEAKER_05

Oh yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And if we were releasing, I'm telling you, I think this is one of the major principles they need to teach young people in discipleship. The sooner you can let go of something. Oh, yes. And you know, you'll have these young people come to you and say, I want to be blessed like you, I want to walk in peace like you. Miss Roddy, how do I get your joy? Forgive. Yes, you're amen.

SPEAKER_04

I was fixing to say, why don't you think of two people right now? Think of one. Everybody can think of one that radiates God's joy, and then think of another that maybe goes to church and calls herself a Christian, but has a ton of bitterness and anger. They can think of them two people. The difference is letting go of things and forgiveness. That's your you know, they might both know God, they might both want a relationship with Him, but one is gonna hold on and be angry at something, and one is it that's you can like you said, the joy, the the freedom and the lightness of forgiving is evident. And if you want to walk with God in that joy, you can't hold on to bitterness. Can you?

SPEAKER_01

No, you cannot.

SPEAKER_04

It's so dangerous. That's why when I know people, when I've been through this past couple years and I've been hurt, I'm like, I'm fearful. I know how bad it is to get let resentment. I'll be talking to God every day, like, I don't want to, I don't want to feel like this. I don't want to feel angry. I I know how dangerous it is, and I don't want it to steal any kind of joy from me. I don't want it to steal anything. I don't want to steal my thoughts. I don't want them to live and rent free of my head. I don't want that. Like, I don't want to think about it. I just want to be indifferent, but I don't want to be angry and I don't want to be hateful, I just don't want to care. I don't want to be angry, you know?

SPEAKER_03

And then people will laugh, but I mean I think everything is spiritual related. Yeah, I do too. Oh, when you're holding on to anger for high blood pressure, heart disease, all these things. There's a reason why God says we have to forgive and get rid of all this junk because we are poisoning ourselves. Oh, yes. I mean, we are literally, this is what Kyle always says, and I I it's so true. He's like, it's you drinking poison hoping somebody else will die. Yes, yes, exactly. But that's what we're doing to ourselves. When we're holding on to that, we're keeping all that stuff bottled in, and then it starts manifesting physically. Oh, yeah. We're tired, we're sick, my body hurt so bad one time after an experience where I got upset with somebody and it, you know, and I went and got a massage, and I was like, you can't hardly touch me.

SPEAKER_04

It hurts so and it was front, and I said, What's going on? And then God showed me, for two months now, you've been walking like mad, you've been walking like this, and I couldn't even get the massage. It hurts so bad. And it was that holding on, it does, it physically forms you to walk in unforgiveness, to walk in offense.

SPEAKER_01

My sister had called me one day and she said, Hey girl, how you doing? And I said, Not very good. I said, I'm telling you right now, if I bit if you stuck your arm out and I bit it, you'd get rabies. I said, I am that irritating and frustrating. And I said, Let me call you back in my hour.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I said, I really have to go and pride. That's right. Yeah. That's right. And you know, the older you get, if you're my age, I don't have 40 years to waste roaming around the wilderness.

SPEAKER_04

There you go. Yeah, you're right, you're right.

SPEAKER_01

Uh, some of y'all that are young, you may have some years to waste. I don't have not one day to waste.

SPEAKER_04

And they don't know how long. We don't know how long we have to. We don't know how long we have to waste.

SPEAKER_01

Even if we just look at that, I'm gonna live to be a hundred, I I don't have 40 years to waste in the wilderness.

SPEAKER_04

Right.

SPEAKER_01

I have got to get some stuff right now. Amen. I want to be able to receive everything God's got for me, and I want to be able to do everything He's got for me. And I'm telling you, there's a lot of people that there are doors that God is going to open in their life, and they have sat back and just we were mad at the whole world.

SPEAKER_03

We're blocking our blessings.

SPEAKER_04

We are totally blocking our blessings. Yes. And and and they're the ones that it's it's hard to even talk to about anything because they've walked in that unforgiveness and offense that any little thing you say to them, they take offense to it. Uh huh. So you can't even sit down and say, Listen, as your friend, I love you, you're holding on. I I can think of somebody right now that I love so much that I know would who needs release. I believe she's angry at God, like you said, for losing someone close to her. And it just is it's just bounding her. And if I even try to say anything, you know, there's that offense. But oh, I just I pray for her because I see it. I see you see the pain that people are in. Yes. When they hold that offense, they are in pa physical pain, they're in spiritual pain, they're in emotional pain. It's heartbreaking. It really is heartbreaking.

SPEAKER_03

So I got something. So because people ask me all the time, and I don't know if they ask y'all this too or not, but he'll say, Well, how do you know you've really forgiven thought? And like, how do you know that true forgiveness was exchanged? And I'm like, 'cause we we cancel a lot of couples. And I'm like, okay, well, the Lord had to show me that. Because with Kyle in our relationship, I just use him because that's you know, normally the ones that we're the closest to. That's the ones we have to forgive the most because we're with them in daily life. But with Kyle, when I started offering forgiveness and true forgiveness, that I didn't want to remember it anymore, that's what happened. Is that when I would forgive Kyle, I wouldn't have a laundry list anymore of all the things he did wrong. So when when he asked for forgiveness, I could give that forgiveness or just say, Okay, we get in a fight. I used to could, when we get in a fight, bring up I mean, a list a mile long of every wrong he had done to me. And I would spout it in his face every time I got mad at him. Yeah. I mean every time. I would say, yeah, but you did this and this and this and this and this. You know? But when I gave true forgiveness, as I checked that list off, it was all and that list didn't come back up in the next conversation. And so when I started literally what God says, like He will toss it into the sea of forgetfulness and remember it no more, like that's what true forgiveness was. Oh man. Was marking it off that list so that the next time we got in an argument, uh it didn't come back up. Because I had truly forgiven him in my heart of okay, I'm not gonna hold that against you, I'm not gonna use that as ammunition or to hurt you anymore. Like I really want that gone. And that's how I know now that I'm walking in true forgiveness. Is when he does come, because let's be honest, we all get upset in our relationships. I mean, we live together every day. He's gonna make me mad, I'm gonna make him mad. But I don't have to give him a history of every wrong he's done to me now because I've walked in that forgiveness. And that changed everything for me.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Because now it's just there's so much freedom with that. I don't have to keep a tally in my head, I don't have to keep it up there like what did he do to me? Let me remember every wrong that he's done to me. I don't have to re rec uh what do you call it? Rehearse. Rehearse all that in my mind anymore.

SPEAKER_04

You know, you and you and you don't want to because you live with him and you want a relationship. Now, what about the ones we don't live with and we don't want to because I because yes, is that what you're saying? Because there'll be times that I forget what has been done to me, and I'll have to go back and I'll go back to the vaults and pull it out again. I'll be like, I'm not forgetting this. You know, why, who I think I'm hurting, I don't know. Because I'm like, no, I ain't gonna forget, I'm gonna remember. And I can remember an another incidence where exactly what you're saying, like when I truly, I could somebody said so and so, so and so. I thought, I didn't. And I knew I had truly let it go. I could not remember what she had done to me. Amen. And it was wonderful.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Now let's fast forward another incidence where I'm starting to forget things and I'm like, no, no, let me go, let me go pull it back up, because I don't have to see them, I don't have to live with them. I don't know who I think I'm hurting by remembering it. I mean, nobody nobody cares, but I mean they don't I don't talk to them. Ain't like they care, but you're right. When we can fully allow God to erase it, when we can fully allow ourselves to stop bringing it up, stop looking at the screenshots, stop reading about, stop reading the journal over and over. They said this, they said that, start rewriting it over and over again. Well, stop picking that scab is when we can fully be free.

SPEAKER_01

You know, my sister called me one time and she said because for many years we were kind of estranged. Okay. It didn't have anything to do with the fact that we didn't love each other. She was going through stuff, I was in my own little world. And but when God put us back together He supernaturally did some stuff that's like we never were apart. Mm-hmm. But she came to me one day and she said, Roddy, I want to apologize for doing that. And I said, What? I don't even remember that. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

God had done something inside of me that I wasn't I just loved her And I can remember nothing but the good. We need to be that place that we remembered that that person at some time or the other there was something good about them. And you know, Jesus washed Judas' feet just like he was said. And he knew that Judas was gonna betray him. I think about that a lot. And even like Peter, he knew Peter was gonna deny him. But yet he told Peter, He said, I pray for you. And you're gonna come through this. And what do you tell him? He said, When you come through this, he'll strengthen your brethren.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And so we need to get ourselves to the place that we say, Hey, I'm totally gonna forgive. And I am going to believe that God is going to me and you may never have that relationship that we had before. But I'm not gonna do anything to hurt you. We may travel in different circles, whatever. But buddy, I'm not gonna be able to do anything except believe for the best for you. You know? I think that's where God's trying to bring us all to.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

And you're right though, sometimes it is a process of of the forgiveness. Um, I just know this one situation in my life, it was really hard because okay, number one, we put expectations on people, and we think, okay, well, they would never hurt me. They would never do this, you know what I mean? And we're already setting ourselves up for like failure, basically, or to be hurt, you know what I mean? Because we're just we're believing that lie, but in the um, I mean, I'll just be honest, it's in it was in a church situation. Okay, so these are people I held up to a higher standard, which was my fault. Uh-huh. I put people on a pedestal based on where they are. Okay. So my naive thinking, because I did not know, I just thought the pastors were perfect, they did no wrong, you know, like somehow I exempted them from being human and flesh. Because I just put them on a pedestal. Of like maybe one day I'll arrive there, maybe one day I'll get there and be as perfect as they are. And then, you know, just like the order, I think, in a church is how I uh uh had a you know related things in my mind. This is just me, not everybody. But I had thought, okay, like they wouldn't hurt me. You know, they're safe. Okay, well, in this situation, it wasn't safe. And there was hurt caused in the situation. So with me and Kyle in the forgiveness, because I was wanting reconciliation in mine and Kyle's relationship, to me, it was a lot easier to forgive with Kyle because I wanted to be reconciled to him, I wanted to be back with him as my husband. So there was a desire to reconcile that. So it's almost like the forgiveness in that situation became easier because my whole goal was reconciliation and reconnection. Yeah. Okay. But now in this other situation that you're talking about, when it's not a family member and it's not somebody that you necessarily have to be reconciled to, right? Or even sleep together. Exactly. Right. It almost becomes like a an option of eh, I will, or eh, I won't. It don't really matter, whatever. It really does matter. Yes. Because I had to drive by this place. Yes.

SPEAKER_04

Yes, I know, girl, yes.

SPEAKER_03

I drive by this place every day, most of the time, two and three times a day. And I'm telling you, it ate at me and ate at me and ate at me. And the yuckiness inside of me. I mean, let me tell you, there was a lot of yuck in this sister, and I would have told you there was not yuck, but there was a lot of yuck in my heart. I wanted revenge. I wanted them to pay. I hope they suffer. I, you know, I wish terrible things on these people because the nastiness in my heart was like, I hope they hurt because they hurt me. I hope they pay because they have done this to me. Total meanness and ugliness in my heart. But the forgiveness part of that, when I was approached, you know, because we're walking through this stuff at Evans and we have to write forgiveness letters. Who do you need to forgive? Who is God placing on your heart? Well, honey, let me just tell you, these two people were almost at the top of my list because it was fresh, it was new, and I needed to forgive to walk in freedom. But I didn't want to.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

I did not want to because I was still thinking that I could be the judge and jury and they would have to pay. And if I forgave them, then they got off the hook for all the pain they inflicted to me, which was a lie. Long story short, I did vaguely forgive. Vaguely. Very vaguely. But it was required of us at Evans. And so I thought, okay, this is part of the program. I gotta do it. Okay, yeah, I forgive them. I forgive them, Lord. I forgive them for hurting me, you know, whatever. Did I mean it partly? Yes. Right.

SPEAKER_04

We want to.

SPEAKER_03

Yes, we want to. But as I still had to continue to drive by this place, I knew the forgiveness was not there. I knew it was not real. Because every time I had to ride by, those mean feelings still came up of I still want them to pay, I still want them to suffer. Well, then God would reveal another layer to me. Okay. You forgave them for this, but you ain't forgave them for this. And I'd be like, oh my Lord. So I would have to give them, forgive them for the next thing. And then I could go by, you know, and my feelings might not be as bad, but I still was not happy and still wanted, I still hope they wasn't doing good. But as God slowly revealed things to me, and I got more and more layers off of me, and I was honest with God.

SPEAKER_04

Yes, that's it.

SPEAKER_03

That's where it came in was being honest with God of okay, I felt hurt, I felt betrayal, I felt gossiped about, talked about, humiliated, embarrassed. Like there was a lot of layers that I had to start getting honest with God about and not just, oh, it hurt. No, let's be real of all the feelings that came attached to this memory and let's start healing them all. Yeah. Well, then as God started exposing all the yuck inside me and all the things I had to forgive for, man, the release that came by. And I could have told you, you know, several years ago that I would have to ride by this place the rest of my life and just be like, ugh, you know. But I remember right before I left Evans, and now this was a two-year program, okay? The probably the month before I left Evans was the final layer of forgiving this whole situation. And it took that long, literally, to get to the root of every single thing, and being honest with God of there's still a little bit of yuckiness in my heart, Lord. And I don't want this, I don't want to leave here, Lord, not healed and not whole. And finally, like when we got to the very end, it was taking ownership for what I had done and looking at my part in it. And that was the hardest part because I struggled. And I don't know if most of you listen are struggling with like, well, where can I take ownership? They're the ones that hurt me, they're the ones that did this, they're the ones that did that. God showed me in my ownership with this one person that yes, she had done me wrong, all these things. But behind the scenes, I had gossiped about her, talked about her when she wasn't present to defend herself, and you know, and and gave people my side of the story per se, whatever, and then they had brought their own judgment to the situation based on what I was saying. And God was like, that's what's gotta be cleaned up. Yes, that's what you gotta clean up, Jade. And buddy, when I did that, let me tell you, I can ride by this place now. Half the time I don't even realize I've ride by rode by it anymore. Yeah, there's no ugliness that comes up, there's no bitterness. I don't wish him any evil anymore. Actually, I'm like, man, it's actually growing and doing good. Like, and there's not any nastiness in there of revenge or retaliation anymore.

SPEAKER_01

Thank you.

SPEAKER_03

There's freedom when I ride by there to say, okay, wow, okay, God, you doing a thing over here. Yeah. Good deal, you know? And there can be actual joy and happiness in that now, and not that nastiness in my heart.

SPEAKER_04

And really, what do we say earlier? What do you want more? Relationship with God or the hold on this anger. Same thing. What do what do people want more? Peace and joy? There you go. Or somebody living rent-free in our head that don't care. No. What do I want more of? I want that peace and joy. That's what I want. So I'm gonna fight. I'm gonna go out, I'm gonna go to God with it. I want to.

SPEAKER_01

I can remember a time in my life where I never growing up, my parents always said it's a cold, cruel world out there. This is a big bag of mean world. And so I didn't mess with the world like that. But I mean I had dealings with church folks. And of course I expected all them, they'd been born again. They had Jesus in them. They profess to have the spirit. Oh yeah, they're gonna walk in love. No. No, right. And I can remember coming in my back door one Sunday after church and kicking my shoes off, went to church, stirring my stuff on the stove, and I told my husband that I ain't gonna I am tired of those people. You reach out to love them and they rip your arms off and beat the fire out of you. Just walked under the bedroom. And he changed clothes, he come back out and he's just gonna go outside. And he said, Okay, kidney, you got a choice to make. And I said, Kidney And he said, Remember this. He said, uh a body can make it a a good while without a kidney. But a kidney can't make it without a body, so you decide how you're gonna live. And right there I had to start choosing to forgive. And I was gonna go back and I was gonna sit with some of them people. And then you uh really you realize that they lash out at you because they've got hurt. Yes, ma'am. Somewhere, some some of us have to stop saying, Well, they hurt me. Yeah, well, we've all had a hurt or two. Yes. But what causes them to act that way?

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, ma'am. We don't know what all they've been through. And so this has got to somewhere some people gotta rise up and say, Yeah, I want to be a little bit different. I want to love people.

SPEAKER_03

Do you know what Rick told us to Evans? And I love this, and we laugh about it. You know, you can laugh about it or what, but it's the truth. He said, he was using me and Kyle in the example. He said, Okay, whichever two of you want to be the more spiritually mature, he said, and that'll be the first one to forgive. He said, That'll be the first one to let go. If you want to say you're more spiritually mature, he said, because that's the one that shows the humility that they're after God's heart, if they're willing to do this. He said, That's how you know who's more spiritually mature.

SPEAKER_00

If they're real willing to and then you're like, oh yeah, I want to be the more spiritually mature, I want to do that, Lord.

SPEAKER_03

But you're right, Miss Roddy. And Christina, you said it earlier about blessing them and praying for them. How do you do that? Because when they've hurt us so bad, but you're right. In this situation, God had to start revealing to me this person's heart. And he was like, You don't know what she's gone through, you don't know the pain she's feeling, you don't know everything that she's had to walk through. And if you did, you would have more grace. Yeah, you would have more compassion. Yes, you would be praying for her even more because she lashed out at you because what's going on behind the scenes in her life. It was really not about you, Jade. Yeah. Get over yourself. Yeah. Basically, it's not about you. It's about what was going on behind closed doors, you know, and that's where it comes from. Just like me in my house. If I'm mad, aggravated, I could snap at you, I could snap at you, and it y'all didn't even do anything to me. Yeah. But I'm taking out my frustration on one of you because of what I'm dealing with this morning in my home. Just say this morning things were chaos, you know. Praise God it wasn't, but it could have been before y'all got here. And then you come in or you come in, and I'm like, well, let's just do this podcast. Let's just get it over with today. Like, you know, and I could have had an attitude at the two of you, and you ain't even done nothing to me. You know, and just looking at it from that perspective, okay, is how many times have I done it and how many times have I needed to be fine?

SPEAKER_04

I think this was a healing, healing one, because you really said some things that like I was like, oh yeah, I know. You know, and got and that's what we want at this podcast, God to use it to bring up uh things that you know he wants to bring to the surface. Yes, things cannot be healed until they're exposed. If we don't know it's in our heart, then we we can't allow him to heal it, you know, because then he gets if he heals it and we don't know what's in there, who gets the glory? Nobody. If he if he brings it out and shows it to us and then heals it, he gets the glory because he done it.

SPEAKER_01

I don't want to be sitting in this chair one year from now, not have grown. Sure changed. Amen. Yeah, amen. Yep. I don't want to still be waiting for some little door to open or somebody else to change. Right. I want to be moving and growing with the Lord. Yes, amen.

SPEAKER_03

That's good. That is so good because it does keep us stuck. Yeah. It keeps us spinning our wheels, going around the same mountain. And it's just it just sucks the life out of you. Yeah. And it does rob your joy. Yes. It does. And people, they that's one thing they ask me and Kyle is like, how did y'all do this? How did you reconcile? How did you restore your marriage after everything that y'all have been through? Forgiveness. Yeah. Lots and lots of forgiveness. Every weekend, walking through forgiveness. Literally. I I mean, most weekends at Evans were bringing up things where we had hurt one another, taking ownership for what we had done and asking for forgiveness. Yes. And not putting a button there. Well, if you wouldn't have done this, I wouldn't have done this. And if you didn't do this, and I wouldn't have done this, no, it was none of that. It was please forgive me or whatever I've done. You know, I just asked for your forgiveness. And and really taking a hundred percent ownership on just our part and not putting that butt statement in there. Yeah. And the oh well if if you wouldn't have done it, I wouldn't have done it. But you know, really being honest and saying, I'm sorry, I hurt you. And that hurts me to know that I hurt you.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

And that was that's that's really the the gist of like of what it takes. But I'll just tell you, if you're wondering how you're gonna do this, you're not gonna do it without Jesus.

SPEAKER_05

Right. You're not.

SPEAKER_03

That's right. You're not. Our flesh could not do it. Right. Our flesh does not want to submit, does not want to forgive, we want to hang on, we want to do the punishing.

SPEAKER_04

Like, well, our flesh is made to protect, our brain is made to protect us, like it's survival mode. Survival mode is if if I let it go, you're gonna hurt me. Yes, ma'am. Yes.

SPEAKER_03

So Jesus is the only way. And I can I'll just I I'll just tell you this: if you're struggling right now to forgive somebody, ask the Lord to come in and to help you. Because that's the first step, is first getting open and vulnerable with him and saying, Lord, this person hurt me. And I felt, and get your feelings out of the way. Take it to him, unload it, let it go, and vent to him, not to people, not to others, you know, gossiping like I did. Man, that's hard. Yeah, it is, but just saying, God, this is what happened, this is the situation. Not that he don't already know, but there's something that unlocks in the spirit when we can say this hurt and this and really get honest with what with what we're feeling. Get honest with the ugliness in our heart. Because Kyle would always say, Well, did you have murder in your heart? Murder. No, I didn't. He was like, Okay, well, if you want, if you wished him ill will and hope something bad happened to him, you did. So you need to get honest with that and say, Yeah, Lord, I had murder in my heart against them. He said, Because you really hoped something bad happened to them people, didn't you? And I was like, Oh my gosh, that was in my heart, Lord. But being honest of saying, Yes, Lord, I have ugliness in there, getting before him, doing that, and then, Lord, I cannot do this without you. If you don't help me, I don't know how to reconcile with this person. I don't know how to ask for forgiveness. I don't know how to forget, give forgiveness. And I promise you, he will meet you in there in the in that humility and help you. And he'll make it so easy because the enemy lies to us about how hard it's gonna be because he doesn't want us walking in that freedom. Yeah, he wants to keep us bound and chained to him in that nastiness and keep walking around in it, because then he's winning, you know, and we can't see that in our flesh.

SPEAKER_04

You know, I was thinking the other day, what is the difference? Of faith is fear. So faith is God and fear is the enemy. Forgiveness, if we don't forgive, we are fearful of getting hurt again. Yeah. So you're you're walking with the enemy in fear when we hold on to unforgiveness. Because we're saying, well, God, you can't handle it. I gotta protect myself. If I forgive them, they're gonna hurt me again. Or if I forgive them, I'm letting them get away with it.

SPEAKER_03

Maybe you just the Lord just gave me something right there with that. It's because really it's our lack of trust in God. Yeah, yes, it is our lack of that's what we're saying. Yes, is that God, we don't trust you to do this.

SPEAKER_01

That's right.

SPEAKER_03

We don't trust you to help us. Yeah, we don't trust you to to be our vindicator, to be all these things we need.

SPEAKER_04

And that's exactly what you just said is exactly what I wrote down the other day is fear with the enemy, trust with God, faith with God. Yes, it's complete opposites.

SPEAKER_03

Complete opposite, yes, and how much do we trust him? Yeah, do we really believe as a child of God that he is gonna do what he says he's doing will do? Yeah, his promises are yes and amen, that he's really gonna be there like he says he is. Yeah, because if we truly believe that and truly hang on to that, then we can walk in that.

SPEAKER_04

Then it's and it's okay if they talked about us. It's okay if they hurt us, he's got us.

SPEAKER_03

It's even okay if they don't say they forgive you. Exactly. I have asked for forgiveness for somebody and said, like, will you please forgive me? And I have got the cold shoulder. Yeah, I've got a no, like a no, mm-mm, or just no response at all. And being okay with that, well, God, I cleaned up my side of the street. You're happy with me, like that's on them. If they choose to never forgive me, then that's okay because my heart's clean, my heart's pure, and I don't have to hold on to that and junk no more. And there is such freedom in that when you can do that and just let it go and know that he's got you. Man, amen.

SPEAKER_04

It don't feel good to our flesh, but it feels good. Oh, I mean, I'm freedom I'm like ready to like, I want to shut down because I got this journal, and I'm like, Amen. Um God's been bringing things in my mind that I need to talk to him about, people that I need to really release and like just really letting dig out that.

SPEAKER_03

Because there was this one pastor, and I'll close with this. Is he always taught us that I have to go through what I'm bringing to you on Sunday. The word that I'm bringing to you on Sunday, God always makes me walk it out before I can bring it to you. Yeah, he's like, I gotta live it, walk it out, and go through it before I'm ever able to bring it to you. And that spoke volumes because that took humility for him to even say that. Yeah. That he had had to walk out the sermon before he brought it to us. And I was like, that is so true, Lord. So who have we had to forgive? Who are we gonna have to forgive this week? Because God didn't bring this topic for nothing. Right. He's always working on our hearts with one more little piece. It might be tiny, it might be huge, whatever it is, but God is so intentional in the subject that he brings.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

So we'll just close and praying. And so, Lord, I just ask you to be with us and with the listeners, Father God. And wherever you've pricked our heart in this message and what you've brought to the table, Father, I just ask, Lord, that you would begin stirring our hearts, Lord. That you would help us search the deep places, Father. That you would start just highlighting and exposing, Lord, any place that we're holding on to bitterness, unforgiveness, resentments, Lord, anywhere there's yuckiness, Father God, that you would just take your flashlight, Lord, and just highlight them in our hearts, Lord. That we would be able to cleanse it and to get rid of it, Lord, and to really release it to you and to trust you. You, Father, that you're a good, good father, and that you will be our vindicator, you will go before us, and you will help us. And Father, forgiveness is not an easy thing. So, Lord, I just ask you to equip each sister right now that is praying and asking, Lord, how do I do this? Yes, how do I give this? Lord, it still hurts. Father, I ask you to help her right now, Father. To take away the pain, to take away the hurt. That you would just love on her right now, Father, and show her that you're a good, good father, no matter what's happened. And that she can have peace, knowing that you're gonna heal every part of her heart that has been hurt. And also, Lord, that you'll give her the strength to let go of all the yuck that she's holding on to. That she can trust it in releasing it to you. And that you'll take it and you'll work with that, Lord, and that she'll reap much fruit, much fruit in her life, Lord, from surrendering her will to get even to you. And Lord, we just thank you. We thank you for sitting with us. We thank you for being with us, Lord. And we thank you most all, Lord, for just forgiving us, Lord, for where we have failed you and fallen short, Lord. Thank you for that forgiveness that you offer to us and help us to be quick, Lord, quick to forgive those that hurt us. We just ask that in Jesus' name.