Learning Your True Identity Through The Eye's Of Jesus!

In this episode we sit down with Hayley and discuss how social media can influence us to be like others and not our true self.  Hayley talks about what it like to be a teenager this day and age and how influencers lead us to be like the world.  She also talks about finding your true identity in the one who created us.  How when we truly find our identity in Jesus we can walk in the purpose HE has for our lives.  

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Use like Snapchat and post stuff because they can see oh so and so viewed this and they replied to it and they saw this and oh they think I'm pretty. And another thing too, is like even whenever you're in a relationship, but and you know your identity in God and Jesus, like if I don't get called pretty that day, it doesn't affect me. I'm not like, oh well, he didn't say I was pretty today, or he didn't call me beautiful today, so I guess I'm not anymore. It's like, no, I don't need that validation to be told to me.

SPEAKER_08 0:37

When I went through my divorce, you know, with Kyle, it really showed me like where my identity was. You know, if I if I was a a good wife, you know. My value comes really a lot of it from how Kyle viewed it.

SPEAKER_00 0:54

One of the things, if you study anything about grief, is that you have to find out who you really are. And if you don't already have a foundation anymore, I'm telling you. That's when a lot of women go, that's so taso. Because you're not Mrs. So-and-so anymore. Right. And you're not being place. I mean, you're more than that. Right. And you gotta stand on your own sofa or have to come back to me again. What does God say I am?

SPEAKER_07 1:24

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:25

Yes, God says I'm a widow, but he says I'm married to him, and that he's gonna take care of me, and he's my provider, and I don't have to worry about financing. And he is gonna be there to send people to help me.

SPEAKER_04 1:36

But if you listen to the world, my God, you're all when I used to do hair, like never did another, never cut another hair, never, never talked to you about God, never did a video about about God, never did anything. If I said that he would still love me just as much because he thought I was worth time for when I was in the dark. So now that I'm you know, now that he's pulled me out of the pit, everything I do isn't the game worth. It's because I'm so great.

SPEAKER_02 2:00

But I feel like that's just like a way to sum it all up into something that's just give the grace and when people don't know their identity and they're figuring it out. Yeah, don't hold it over their head and be like, well, you need to know your identity. Like, I know mine, you're supposed to know yours.

SPEAKER_08 2:33

Welcome back, y'all, to another episode of Let's Talk Sister. I'm excited today. We're adding my daughter Haley to the lineup. Whoop, whoop! Yay for Haley. Yeah, let's try to embarrass her, you know, because that's what us moms do, right? We love we don't.

SPEAKER_04 2:52

Only you embarrass her.

SPEAKER_08 2:56

She thinks we're the cool kids. Amen. Y'all are. Absolutely. So um Haley's brought something to the table for us today, and we're gonna talk about identity.

SPEAKER_04 3:14

So sorry, that was awkward. Well, we asked Haley, we said, will you be a guest on our show? What what do you think people your age, girls your age especially, need to know um on a deeper level? And she she's she mentioned our identity in Christ, who we are in Christ, because so many people want to tell us who we are.

SPEAKER_02 3:37

Yeah, most girls nowadays just like look at boys for their identity instead of looking to God for it, and then they get discouraged whenever they don't get the answers that they want because it's not coming from the person that needs to be the one to tell them.

SPEAKER_04 3:55

Yeah. And social media too. I mean, I couldn't imagine. I compare myself and I'm in my 40s something. I can't imagine y'all's husband.

SPEAKER_02 4:02

Looking at all these influencers that are around your age and they all wear like crop tops and have bodies that you wish you wanted, but then the reason why they have those is because either they have a disorder that they don't talk about online, or that something happens, or there's so much depression and anxiety in them that they don't eat. And a lot of people have came out recently and like have talked about that. They're like, I've been so like I know it's kind of like a rough topic, but like suicidal and depression and all this stuff that I just don't eat, and then people are like, Oh, pressure of being perfect for them. I wish I had her body, and it's like, no, you don't, because I'm literally as tiny as I can be, and I don't need to be this tiny.

SPEAKER_05 4:50

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_04 4:51

And even if they, you know, even if you have somebody who doesn't have a disorder or an issue, they might have a personal trainer, they might have the time, and we're comparing her, or y'all are comparing yourself, and it's a whole different lifestyle, it's a whole different world. You're you're trying to go to school, you're trying to, you know, and they don't have to go to school you know, we don't know. We really don't know what people are are dealing with behind, but I do know the comparing it would be.

SPEAKER_08 5:18

I mean Yeah, I had a best friend in high school, and we hung out a a lot, you know, and she was super small, and not that I was big in high school, I was just bigger than she was. But I always thought, man, it would just be so nice to be you. And I remember just telling her that one day, because there was no jealousy or envy between me and her, you know, and we would have candid conversations, but I was always like, must be nice. Like you can just buy anything, you fit in anything, like everything looks cute on you. And she was like, You have no idea.

SPEAKER_03 5:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 5:48

No idea what I struggle with. She said, Because everybody picks on me for being too skinny, too little, I'm short. And I'm like, What? Like, you're are you s are you kidding me right now? But she was so serious.

SPEAKER_05 6:04

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_08 6:04

So just because I thought she had the perfect body size and everything, uh, she didn't feel that way at all. And just you know, just even in that, you know, yeah. Of we thinking she has it all together and she's like, you have no idea what I struggle with.

SPEAKER_04 6:21

Well, you know, and it it flips the script whenever we because we were talking about identity comparing ourselves, it flips the script when we let that consume us. So it's okay if I want to say, Oh, I like Haley's clothes, Sayley, I like your hair, it's pretty, you know. But if I let that alter who I am in Christ or who Jesus has said I am, and start, well, if I only had Haley's hair, if I only had Haley's, you know, clothes or whatever, then then I would be this person. Well, no, who did Jesus say we are before? It's okay that that I like your clothes and I like your hair and I want to tell you that's nice, but it's whenever I could get consumed with it and think that that that's my identity, you know, and that Jesus has he's already told us who we are. There is a there was a a video going around or a prompt, ask ChatGPT who you are. And you know, and and I think that I did, I, you know, God laid this on my heart and I did it to do the exp to do a testimony of it. And ChatGBT told me based on what I had told it, only what I had told it. Real estate agent, mom, blah, blah, blah. And God was like, see now, people don't come to me and ask who I who they are. They, you know, and the enemy would tell you who you are because he's heard you talk about it, just like Chat GPT had heard me say what I am, it based on that. So the enemy's gonna tell me in my ear, well, you were a mess up because you messed up. Or, you know, you gossip about that person, you're not really a Christian. He's been studying us. And that was that was really the main, that was it just from from God, Holy Spirit just reminded me, that's really what the whole lesson was about, is ChatGPT studying. And the enemy's been studying us. He knows where to get us, he knows how to tell us. Well, your identity really is mess up. Your identity really is failure. Your identity is uh alcohol abuser, uh, you know, fail a drunk, whatever it may be. He's gonna take that because he's been studying us. But what did Jesus say? No, Jesus said I'm forgiven, I'm healed, I'm redeemed, I'm loved, I'm comforted, I'm protected. Like, what does Jesus say? Why did I go, why do I let the enemy tell me who I am? Why do I let friends tell me who I am? Why do I let social media what does Jesus who does he say I am?

SPEAKER_00 8:33

But you know, it's not just people like Haley and go through these. Right. No. Do you know when you go through the death of a spouse? One of the things when you go through the the funeral director will tell you all these things, and one of the things they tell you not to do is not to make a bunch of big decisions quickly. Don't up and sell your house, don't do all the stuff. Well, one of the things if you study anything about grief is that you have to find out who you really are. Oh, amen. And if you don't already have a foundation in the Lord, I'm telling you, that's why a lot of women go nuts so crazo. Because you're not Mrs. So and so anymore. Right. And you're not Egan and Lacey's mother. I mean, you're more than that. Right. And you gotta stand on your own. So who are you?

SPEAKER_07 9:24

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 9:24

And it has to come back to again. What does God say I am?

SPEAKER_07 9:28

Yeah. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 9:30

Yes. God says I'm a widow, but he says I'm married to him, and that he's gonna take care of me, and he's my provider, and I don't have to worry about finances. And he is gonna be there to send people to help me. But if you listen to the world, oh my God, you're all alone. Don't you think you need to get on the dating side? Don't you think, uh, don't you worry about not having a gun or whatever it is, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Don't you think you need to uh take some self-defense classes? Oh no. You know what I'm saying? That is the same thing that they do to teenagers. Just because we're a different age, the enemy still plays the same game, no matter how old you are. It's it's all kind of chapters.

SPEAKER_04 10:16

Yes. When your kids move out, and some moms, that's all they knew. That's all they identified as. I am the mama that runs my kids everywhere. And that and when they move out and move, then some people, like you said, if we don't have the foundation for every chapter in our life, whether it be losing a spouse or the kids or not working. I had I worked with somebody um who when she got hurt and could not do hair anymore, she did not know who she like, she was just lost and and the depression that set in. Praise God. He brought grandchildren that gave her another purpose, helped let let her go babysit them, and that really helped pull her out to where she could, you know, she got out of the forest to see the trees. She could see, oh, whoa, I was oh, okay, I was getting depressed because I couldn't do this anymore. But there's more things in my life than just work. But she had put so much in, you know, used a retirement to build the salon. It was all kind of stuff that that's who she was. When she couldn't do it anymore, what do I do? What do I do? Well, you're more than that, and that's why, like you said, it's so important that everything is based on that foundation of I'm a daughter first, I'm a daughter of the king first, I'm a I'm a sister in Christ. I'm like, like my whole foundation is what who's God say I am? I'm his.

SPEAKER_00 11:38

You know, in the book of uh Songs of Solomon, you know what he says in one place, and I love it out of the passion. Jesus says that we are his greatest prize. I am his greatest prize. Yeah, yeah. He saw me at the ugliest I've ever been, and I am the greatest.

SPEAKER_07 12:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:04

And so if we start looking at ourselves and saying, you know, he invested all this, he went to the cross for me, he's trying to get a relationship with me. He tells us you could uh how how many times a day could you just flip open that Bible and see that he's constantly giving us wanting to provide for us, wanting to take care of us. Yes. I mean, if you stay in the Word, it's kind of hard to stay horribly depressed. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 12:33

Right. Yes. You're right. The closer we yes, the more time we spend with God, the more joy comes out. And and we find out who we are. You know? I'm sure that your friends probably come to you. Do you have friends that come and ask their advice about that? And see, you're you're much more grounded than I was at your age. Me, I was like just flying with whatever was going, you know, just trying to if you don't have a foundation, so you're just trying to make a name for your own self.

SPEAKER_08 13:03

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_04 13:04

So you're just going along, you don't even really know what you know what's going on up here in your mind or whatever. I think what are you a ninth grade, tenth grade? Ninth. Yeah, I was getting attention. I know we talked about this. I was getting I was wanting boys to pay me attention. Not that I was doing anything with them, but flirt with me. You know, I was getting my identity. Do you think I'm pretty? Okay. Do you think, okay, well then that means something. If you think I'm pretty, that means something. Instead, I could, you know, if I'd have the foundation of like, whatever, like, great, you think I'm pretty great, but still, I'm I'm God's daughter. I'm I'm a child of God, you know.

SPEAKER_02 13:38

And it makes it, I mean, I'm not saying it makes it easier, but also whenever you're in a relationship, you can still like go out and be like, oh, well, I want all these boys to still look at me because like I get that rise out of it because I'm like, oh, you find your worth.

SPEAKER_06 13:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:54

I'm like, oh, I'm pretty. Like, he thinks I'm pretty if he's gonna look at me. And instead of just being like, no, God thinks then I'm pretty and I'm beautiful, and he'll send me someone else who thinks I'm as beautiful as he does.

SPEAKER_07 14:08

Right.

SPEAKER_02 14:09

And that's where I don't have to look at my worth and someone else.

SPEAKER_04 14:14

Yeah. Because we're gonna s we are we are programmed or formed or whatever. In our worldly, you know, the when sin entered the world, Adam and Eve were secure. Like they they had no insecurity. They were secure and they were loved and they had no shame. And then when sin entered, we looked for our security in everything else but what we were secure in to begin with, God. So I'm gonna look for my security in what I do for a living, what a man might think about me, what uh how much money do I make, what kind of clothes do I wear, where do I go and conjugate, whatever. But the bottom line is our worth is found in what Jesus did.

SPEAKER_03 14:58

Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 14:58

Even if I sit in a corner, I tell people all the time, if I sit in a corner when I used to do hair, like never did another, never cut another hair, never, never talked to you about God, never did a video about about God, never did anything. If I sat in the corner, he would still love me just as much because he thought I was worth dying for when I was in the dark.

SPEAKER_08 15:15

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 15:15

When I was in the pit. So now that I'm, you know, now that he's pulled me out of the pit, everything I do isn't to gain worth. It's because I'm so grateful. I'm not getting my worth out of my and that's I know that's probably, I mean, I know that is a struggle for a lot of people. We we seek our worth and our value and our identity, things we do for God. We can get very caught up in the doing, thinking that that's that that gives me worth and value. No, you can sit in that corner the rest of your life and he's gonna love you just as much. Now we don't. We want to work for him, we want to do things for him, but we don't get our worth from there, I guess, you know.

SPEAKER_08 15:53

So that's true, because when I went through my divorce, you know, with Kyle, it really showed me like where my identity was. You know, if I if I was a a good wife, you know, my value come really a lot of it from how Kyle viewed me. Yeah. And I didn't really realize that until we were separated. And then I had a lot of time to think about it. You know, you put the kids to bed at night, it's quiet, and then all these thoughts start coming. Of like, well, you know, who am I really? Like, what have I done outside of being a wife and a mom? Like, who am I? And naturally what happens is the enemy comes in and he starts lying to you. Or he did to me anyway. And he started telling me that I wasn't a Christian, I wasn't who I claimed to be, because I had ended up divorced and God hates divorce, so therefore God hates me. I've separated myself from God. Like he started telling me all these horrible lies that I believed that I was no longer worthy because I was a divorced woman and God hates divorce, so therefore I must not, you know, be loved by God. That's how it felt, anyway. And so I started buying into that lie of like not a good person. You know, I've done all these horrible things. I'm the one that filed for the divorce. Kyle didn't, you know, and believing lie after lie after lie of all these things that the enemy was trying to put in my mind. I just become captive to that to the point when I got to Evans. I remember the first week or two I met Kyle, you know, again and we were kinda, you know, working through things. He told me he when I he said, um, I just want you to sit there real quick. And I was like, okay. He said, I want you to just close your eyes. I was like, okay. He said, now I just want you to climb up in the father's lap, and I just want you to tell him all the things that you And buddy, I did, and I was like, I just pictured myself almost like I would be climbing in my dad's lap when I was little because I always used to sit in his lap and rock with him. It was almost like that moment, like I just pictured myself climbing up in his lap and just kind of letting all of it go and just telling him how unworthy I felt, that I wasn't good enough, that I had disappointed him. I you know, I thought he was angry at me and mad at me, and that, you know, I wasn't who I claimed to be, and and I just remember the love that came in in that moment. Like it totally broke me and changed completely because I had an encounter with the Lord that says, No, I do love you. Like you're still my daughter. Yeah, have you made some mistakes? Yes, you know, but it's nothing that can't be forgiven or changed. And so it gave me freedom in that moment of okay, like, I'm not a horrible person. Did I make some bad choices? Absolutely, but that doesn't define who I am at the end of the day. I'm still his daughter regardless. He still loves me regardless. I know in a previous episode you said that you thought God was mean. And that's who I thought God was until that moment. I thought he was a god of wrath, a god of judgment. He was waiting for me to do wrong, he was waiting for me to mess up, he was gonna whip me, punish me, you know, and I because I could not see him as love. I struggled with that. But once I knew his love, then he was able to start showing me my identity. Yeah. My true identity.

SPEAKER_07 19:47

Yes.

SPEAKER_08 19:48

Not where I had picked it up, but what he said about me. And then I was able to receive and be like, okay, wow, like, you know, I'm I'm I'm I'm not perfect by any means. Still still not.

SPEAKER_03 20:00

Right.

SPEAKER_08 20:01

Never will be. I mess up all the time. But at the end of the day, I'm still loved.

SPEAKER_07 20:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 20:06

I'm still his and I and he he loves me regardless of my screw-up.

SPEAKER_04 20:11

And that's what we said in another episode was how we what we believe about ourselves is what we rise up to. So if we believe that we're a screw up, if we believe that um we're a failure, that's what we're gonna live like.

unknown 20:26

Amen.

SPEAKER_04 20:26

And when you said that about um, you know, me thinking he was mean, it it's like I always felt like I was a disappointment. I don't know why, I don't know what was the heaviness, but you always felt like you're trying to earn something. You can't know your identity in Christ if you don't have a proper identity of him. No. And he is not a God that we have to earn his love or that we get it from acts that we do or service. It's not he's not a he's not out to get us and ready to beat us down because Jesus took that wrath. But if we don't know his identity, we can't know ours because if we view him as being angry and disappointed and and embarrassed of us or you know, whatever, then how are we supposed to know our identity? And so just spending the time with him in the word, like you said, you when you spend the time in the word, that's where you get we you know, you know you find out his identity and his his character, yes, and then you find out yours.

SPEAKER_05 21:24

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 21:24

They go hand in hand, really, because if you find out he is a loving, loving God, then you can't help but be like, Well, I must be lovable. He must love me. If he's a loving God, I mean it says it right here, you know.

SPEAKER_00 21:38

So Well, and let me just bring this full circle again, because I'm the older lady in the group. Haley is at an age where she would she could be very susceptible to what people think and and uh she's at the dating age and boyfriends and all that kind of stuff. You two are married. I've lost a husband and I belong to that group of women and a lot of them get on downsides. And a lot of them do things because they become destroyed in the hell. And I've had a lot of women tell me I can't live by myself. And there again, comes back to who and what we've developed with him. And I'm gonna say something, and I don't want this to sound like I think I'm something I'm not, but I know I'm high maintenance. And so not everybody would even be a good candidate for Robert Monday. I'm used to being married to God and He's he has some pretty high standards. Yeah. Amen. And he takes good care of me. Yeah. Yes. I couldn't be with some man that yelled at me, that griped about, be spending time doing things with women or helping people.

SPEAKER_05 22:50

Right.

SPEAKER_00 22:51

I'm spoiled by the Lord. Yeah. And so I choose not to settle.

SPEAKER_04 22:57

Yeah. And so it's because you know who you right there. Bingo. It's because you know who you are. Yes. Amen. So you choose. I've always I've often heard, or somebody said one time, why do uh women who get abused stay in that? Because they see themselves as an abused woman. So therefore, that's my identity. So therefore that's what I'm gonna live like. You see yourself as the bride of Christ, the daughter of the king that has been treated like royalty, you're not going to live any other way except like that. Thank you. So it's what we see about what we believe about ourselves, yes, is where you know it lines up with how we see God, you know.

SPEAKER_00 23:40

Yes, yes, amen. So there again, I think it's real important that at any age that we are, you know, if your husband starts working a lot of hours and if you derive all of who you are from your spouse, whether he compliments your cooking or whether your kids you're jumping through their hoops, when the kids start leaving home and the husband's having to work more hours, who are you? Yeah, yeah. When you look in the mirror, what do you see? Amen.

SPEAKER_07 24:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:15

And so if we don't all through our life develop that relationship, we can come up very, very short. Because I'm gonna tell you something, it looks fade, or hair gets gray in it. Yeah, yes.

SPEAKER_07 24:28

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:29

And we change. Yeah. Amen.

SPEAKER_04 24:32

You know, it really are we could ask to do a little test, we can ask ourselves, do I care what this person thinks of me? And if you do, if you if you really and I'm not talking about on a like, I mean, we want to be respectful, we want to be respected, but I'm talking about if somebody doesn't like me because that's who they are, and it bothers me, then I hold them too high on a pedestal. Because if I know who I am in Christ, and if in fact, when I've I've been through something where people thought, you know, I I didn't do like I'm not that person. Why are you treating me so bad? And then I realized, wait a minute, why do I care? Why do I care? Like I know who I am, as long as I know who I am in Christ, if their warped perception thinks a certain way, that is an issue with them, and that's not being rude. Yeah, but like same thing when people ask me, how do you get on and do a video about you know being silly or about God and not care? I don't think about what they think because I know what God has called me to do. So if I was to think about, they probably think I'm dumb looking. They probably do, but okay, I don't get my value from that. Just like I know I'm a good mama, if somebody says you're not a good mama, it's not gonna bother me because I don't get my value from that either. Like I know I'm I know who I am in that area, I know I am as a wife, I know who I am as a friend. But it's very easy to get off track a little tiny bit and be like, wait, am I, am I? You start doubting yourself. And that's when you just ring it back in and get in the word. And same with, especially with your age, I mean, how easy it is for all of us to get distracted. But we do, we have, you know, kids and like but you but as a teenager, your main focus is just on you right now. I mean, you know, I'm saying not you necessarily, but you don't have the kids yet, you don't have the husband yet and all that. So how easy of uh would distractions be in your case and in your your friends and your age of pulling, like, well, you really, you know, you're not really who you think you are. The enemy whispering in your ear so loud.

SPEAKER_02 26:39

And that's happened like recently because I've got a lot of just I guess you'd call it backlash. I don't know how, but people just like haven't been nice. And I'm one of those spiritual warrior. And I'm one of those that are like, I want everybody to like me, and I've always been like that. And I'm like and it's not like I don't try to please the person, like be a people pleaser, but it's like I just want everybody to like me. Yeah. I'm nice, and people whenever they find out, like, oh, this is how a Haley action is, not like how people put her in, then they're like, Oh, I want to be around you more and all this stuff. But like I get talked about in a bad lighting in some scenarios, and I was talking to mom about it, I was like, Mama, I said, It's not even that I care that much about what they're saying about me, as it's just I just don't want people to look at me bad. That the people the person that's talking about me to the people, I don't want those people to paint me and you can't control that in a bad line.

SPEAKER_04 27:51

And you can't and we all three know exactly you're young, so we can tell you this because we've been through it. We throw people are jealous of things they don't understand. People are jealous of what they want to live up to. You can look at you clearly and see you radiate the joy of the Lord. If other people your age don't understand that, then all of a sudden let me attack you. Because why does she get to just be joyful like that? That's not you know what I'm saying? We can look at you and tell you it's jealousy, but that doesn't make it any easier for you in the age you're in right now.

SPEAKER_02 28:22

And that's like I was like, and I know who I am, and like I know I'm not like that, and I know what they're saying isn't true. Exactly. But it still is just like the thought of it. So I have to like, I don't know, I have to forgive those people a lot because sometimes it'll come back and I'll be like, oh well, they did this, and then like, but I've done forgave them for that, so that I'm not real that I'm not forgiving fully for it. Yeah. And just said I did.

SPEAKER_04 28:50

And then you remind yourself, I'm not gonna hang on to this thought. I'm I'm not gonna I'm not gonna live I'm not gonna implant this and live in it and wrap it around and dissect and all that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:02

And uh I don't know, it's hard too, cause some girls they'll like like, oh, you're so pretty, and it's like, well, thank you, but like so are you. Like don't just look at me and be like, oh, she's so pretty. Be like, no, I'm pretty too. Like and I don't go around like, oh, I'm so pretty. I want people to tell me I'm pretty, all this stuff. It's just like if you do, thank you for the compliment. And it's because they can just see God and all yes.

SPEAKER_04 29:33

You glow it. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 29:35

There's it's not about me.

SPEAKER_04 29:36

Yeah, and that and that's what a great testimony that if you know somebody was oh Haley's so pretty and all, well, I appreciate that, but I'm telling you, it's he's glowing. He's coming out, you know. Yes, you know. I've I had to remind myself of him living aside me when I walk in a room where I feel like, are they because listen, just because you get our age don't mean it goes away. You walk in a room, you're like, uh, are they fixing to talk about me? Okay, well, oh well, if they do, the God of the universe, the creator of the universe, resides in here. I'm not walking in this room snotty, but I'm walking in his confidence, not mine, his. He lives here.

SPEAKER_02 30:15

And that's how it feels too, because I'll be going places, and I'm like, yep, I'm gonna see this person who don't really like me, and they're probably gonna say this, and they're gonna do this, and it's just the enemy already getting me like stirred up. So whenever I walk in there, I'm not gonna be how I normally am. That's right, yes, ma'am. You're ready. Then I have to be like, you know what, it doesn't matter because all I care about is what God says about me.

SPEAKER_04 30:42

That's right. That's it. And he wants to steal your joy and testimony before you walk in that door. He he wants to make it to where you clamor down and all that. You know, there's a spiritual rim, like we said, that that he sees going on and all that. So of course he wants to shut you down before you even walk in that door with a testimony, but you're doing the you know, and and your friends your age, people your age see that in you. What a testimony, you know.

SPEAKER_08 31:06

So what would you share with young girls? I mean, like what would be a pivotal moment you would say to where it changed for you, where you stopped looking for acceptance and other things and started finding it in the Lord, and what kind of like encouragement would you get to those girls that you know are at your age? I mean, because we can elaborate on the you know, the older generation, but you know, you're living in a a time where there is Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, all the things, and all the focus is on me, me, me, me, me and self and looks and filters, all the things. You know, that it's rare for somebody to be authentic and real. And I know I'm your mom, but that is one thing that I do love about you is that you have your own style and your own taste. And I know sometimes I'll look and I'm like, Haley, you're wearing that, and you're like, Yes, I am, you know, and you're so confident in it that it doesn't change you, and you don't run back to your bedroom and change it just because I said something, you're true to your identity and who you are, and so can you just speak on that as to how like you're rooted in that?

SPEAKER_02 32:19

Well, um, I guess whatever I realized that I was like, it don't really matter about other people's opinions and all, is all around like seventh or eighth grade, and I was just so oh so and so's not gonna like my outfit, and this person isn't gonna like this, so I need to wear this. It's it kind of was like whenever I lost a lot of my friends, then that's whenever I realized, oh, I'm not like that. Like I'm like this way, and I like to be this way. And I asked the Lord about like what my identity in him is and stuff, and I think that's whenever it changed, whenever I actually asked him about it. And then I started getting friends who wanted to be my friends and who were like, Oh, Haley, you're so funny. Like, I love your personality. And I used to not get that. I used to be like, you you don't need to be like that.

SPEAKER_03 33:18

Like you need to just He sent me He sent you Christian friends.

SPEAKER_08 33:23

Well, I mean I know just being your mom, I know that I would used to get calls from school, you would call me and you would say, You needed to be picked up because you had a headache or a tummy ache. But when I would get you, you would be fine. There was nothing wrong with you. You didn't have a headache or a tummy ache. You're just getting bullied to death. And and it had just gotten to the point where it was manifesting in you feeling bad. And so I I remember that. So, like just speaking on that, even because I know there's a lot of of young girls that get bullied and picked on because they don't fit the mold, or you know, they I remember even little silly things that you would tell me about even on the playground. Oh, if I'm part of this club, I can't be part of this club, or if I'm friends with her, then I can't be friends with her. And I just remember that battle of you even having to choose in between that when you didn't want to.

SPEAKER_04 34:12

You know, and that was going on when I was in second and third grade. But do you think it got magnified on social media? Because then y'all could go home if y'all didn't talk about it on the playground and bullied on. Then you go home and you could be behind a screen and add to it, I wonder. Because that's been going on. Yeah. We didn't have text in our social media. But I remember if I was friends with this girl, this one girl in the middle would only be friends with one of me at and every other day it was back and forth, and it was aggravating, but it wasn't like life or death, you know. But now it gets blown. I mean, it's the magnifying glass of social media. I I I'm so grateful because I was so insecure it would have oh, it would have thumb me in.

SPEAKER_08 34:52

And right now, I mean, I know as your mom, I don't allow you to have any social media, so she has no social media account.

SPEAKER_04 34:57

Good, so you can't read.

SPEAKER_08 34:58

But she does have text messages and and still, you know, other people have stuff and that you know they show her, but I mean, what would you say on that?

SPEAKER_02 35:07

I mean it still happens now, and I was talking to my friends even yesterday, and she was talking about that. About like, oh yeah, like this friend, she's being she's getting mad and all because I'm talking to this person, this person, and you and she's getting mad, and her best friend's talking to me, and I'm like, You can't help that because what she does is her own feelings because she's not feeling her worth anymore, and she's not she looks at y'all as her identity, and her friends as her identity too. And when you're not there and you're not talking to her, she's like, Oh, well what am I supposed to do?

SPEAKER_07 35:54

Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:54

And she'll get mad about it, and she's like, Yeah, and she's like, I just don't understand. And I'm like, Well, you're not gonna be able to understand until you look at it that way.

SPEAKER_06 36:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:07

And actually see, like, their side too, like, okay, well, why is she getting mad? Like, what's her reason of getting mad? And with social media, it's like it's not as bad, but sometimes you'll get people on there, even with celebrities, and they'll just be like, Did you see what this celebrity posted about this one? And come up with all this stuff about it. And you don't realize, yeah, they're celebrities, and they may not see it all, but when they do, you don't realize how bad it affects them too.

SPEAKER_04 36:39

But they don't I couldn't imagine.

SPEAKER_02 36:41

But they don't show it and put it out there because they're like, No, they have all these people and all these fans that I can't get like. I don't want to get them mad at me or anything like that. And it's really hard. Especially whenever you're just like scrolling and you'll see some of them. You can just look and just tell like they don't even look happy and it's just pretend. And it's like they just don't even know what they could be doing. And then now there's so many that are turning to Jesus and like you can just tell such a big difference.

SPEAKER_07 37:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 37:18

And 'cause they found their identity in the Lord instead of through social media and people and fans and how many likes they got and all this stuff. And people being like, Oh, you're so pretty, and all these comments. It's like, no, now you're probably gonna talk about me more because I'm doing this for Jesus. But I don't care because it's for his glory, not mine.

SPEAKER_04 37:42

Yeah, it makes such I mean, just like you just said, you can really see the difference in when you know who you are in Christ and you know who you're living for, versus putting on a performance for the world. I mean you could really or need the that the validation from another human. I mean, you could just see the huge difference and I'd rather live knowing who I am in Christ. You know, I had one a friend um or an atheist, a client of mine, and like, you want to live in La La Land? I was like, I sure do. I sure do. I am more joyful. I have peace, I have faith in Jesus. I don't have to figure it out. I'm going to rely on him. I'm gonna trust what he says about me. I I don't have to go searching for my worth or my value. Yes, I live in La La Land. If I'm wrong, oh well.

SPEAKER_00 38:31

I oh well, because the peace and joy that comes from knowing who you are in Christ and depending on what he says about you and trusting that, it just is Well, you know, I've often thought after I got grown, I remember thinking about at that time I think Elizabeth Taylor had just gotten married for her eighth time. She was considered probably the most beautiful woman in the world, made some of the greatest movies in the world, won several Academy Awards, traveled all over the world always looking for somebody love and if she had found Jesus and really been totally poor in her love in love, yeah. Can you imagine how many lives she would have really touched?

SPEAKER_04 39:19

Yeah. Yeah, you're right. She wouldn't have needed that validation from a human.

SPEAKER_00 39:24

No, and that always her life just it was one of those little pictures to me of money and success and beauty and fame. None of that matters. And a lot of you have to go home and sleep.

SPEAKER_06 39:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:39

Amen. And if you're unhappy with you and uh you can't find something and for me, it's it is the Lord. If you don't have that anchor, yeah, yeah, you don't have anything. Yeah. Amen.

SPEAKER_04 39:56

Think if think if things in your life got taken away. If you weren't a mom anymore, you weren't a wife, you weren't, you know, uh if you didn't have a career, you would how would you view yourself? Would you still, you know, know who you are in Christ? If you question if like okay, so I do a lot on social media. If that got taken away from me right now, if I couldn't do videos for more people, yeah, what would I think about myself? I need to make sure that I know who I am and not like, oh, what would what would I do? That's the only way, that's my only pulpit. That's my only pulpit. Is that the word? Pulp. Cupid. What's the word? Okay. That's my only outlet. No. But if I've started thinking that way, then I need to do some soul searching and get, I need me and Jesus need to have a meeting about that specific thing. Because if that's where I'm getting value from, if the likes and and uh shares and comments and number of views on the video is what gives me my validation to think I'm doing something for God and it got taken away, and I'm like, ooh, what do I do now? Same thing, like you said, like when you're not when your husband passes. If that was the only thing that you were getting up for is to be a wife, and that got taken away, yeah. We gotta establish that before any of that happens.

SPEAKER_00 41:12

Because if you don't, now I listen, I I want everybody to know out there and watching this, I missed my husband for two years and I I grieved horribly. But what kept me going and what kept me focused was my walk with the Lord. That was the only thing that kept me from laying down. Right. Amen.

SPEAKER_08 41:35

Right.

SPEAKER_00 41:36

And so everything has to come back to my relationship with that.

SPEAKER_08 41:43

I'll tell you this is right off of both of y'all, but when me and Kyle separated, I was so used to him, you know, filling my love tank, is what they called it at Evans. But he would always say, Oh, well, you're prettier, that outfit looks nice, you know, and and all these things. And that's where I got, you know, I felt like I got my value from was him validating me and telling me these things. But when that was gone, I had to start seeking it elsewhere. And I remember just looking back on my social media, and you can still go look back and scroll on my account, because I wanted to delete it, to be honest. I wanted to go back and clear my history and change a lot of my Facebook posts because now I'm not proud of them. But the Lord was like, no, because that's a testimony to where I brought you from.

SPEAKER_04 42:34

So if you go back on my Facebook, I remember I I already know what you're talking about. Well y'all got single. You can you can always tell people get single. You can always tell it.

SPEAKER_08 42:42

Yes, you can tell when I was single and when I'm married, you can tell when me and Kyle are happy and when me and Kyle are not. Because let's just be honest, most of my social media posts back then were in a bathing suit top, cleavage showing, you know, a amazing.

SPEAKER_04 43:00

I don't want to make you feel any sort of I don't remember that. I remember like maybe a selfie with a pretty outfit on, like, what's going on with Jay? Like, what? And then I heard you were getting divorced, and I'm like, oh, okay.

SPEAKER_08 43:09

Yes, lots of people.

SPEAKER_04 43:10

Because you didn't press self, you didn't you didn't post selfies before. I didn't post selfies before.

SPEAKER_08 43:14

You're exactly right, because it was all family pictures or children pictures, but then but that's where my identity was, you know, was in Kyle and the kids and everything. And then when Kyle's gone, you know, and now I'm single, like, oh my gosh, I need somebody to feel that.

SPEAKER_07 43:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 43:28

Because I'm not feeling that that I'm sexy or pretty or whatever the world wants to call it nowadays, you know. Um, so that's what I would do. And I would post a picture on there of self, just me. Sometimes I'd pull the kids in there just out of just a pure so it wouldn't look so awkward that I needed attention.

SPEAKER_05 43:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 43:47

But for real, I would post a lot of selfies looking for people to validate me, yeah. Looking for people to heart it, to like it, and and not just men, but women too. I just wanted validation, period. And I wanted to be told, Oh, you're beautiful, you're pretty, your hair looks good. I love your outfit. All these things. Like I was waiting on somebody to give me my worth. Somebody to tell me, oh, it don't matter that you went through divorce or whatever. You're still beautiful. You're still loved. And all these things, trying to get them to fill me up.

SPEAKER_04 44:22

And we almost kind of want them to convince us that we're doing good. Like you, you kind of in your mind, you're like, if they see I'm doing good, I'll believe I'm I got it all together. Absolutely. And that I don't have any kind of pain or nothing. I'm I'm I'm superwoman. I got this.

SPEAKER_08 44:37

Amen. Because it's a way of like numbing it and almost being in denial of what you're going through. Because when you're feeding that flesh and you're feeding those things, you can almost just ignore the some of the other in a way because you're like, oh man, I got a hundred likes today, and this person said I was beautiful. And oh my god, he complimented. Or even not if they compliment, because you know in your stories and stuff, let's just get real honest here. You can see who's viewed this. And you can go and be like, oh, he's following me.

SPEAKER_02 45:05

Oh, he looked at my pictures. A lot of girls use like Snapchat and post stuff because they can see, oh, so and so viewed this, and they replied to it, and they saw this, and oh, they think I'm pretty. And another thing too, is like even whenever you're in a relationship, but and you know your identity in God and Jesus, like if I don't get called pretty that day, it doesn't affect me. I'm not like, oh well, he didn't say I was pretty today, or he didn't call me beautiful today, so I guess I'm not anymore. It's like, no, I don't need that validation to be told to me.

SPEAKER_04 45:46

And let's let's just be honest though, it's nice. And as husbands, they I that's y'all, that's their job. They should. Yeah. I mean, you know, but we don't have to have it and we don't base our joy on it. That's what I mean. But you know, if your husband does it and or if or if you if it upsets you if he don't, that's okay. We're not we're not saying you never need to like I call my husband. I'm like, uh you I mean, I'm not you gonna tell me I'm pretty today? Because somebody on social media is going to, so you best do it. You best tell me about the you know, I mean I give him a little bit about that or something, so it's not that it's wrong that we want it, but you're right.

SPEAKER_08 46:25

We don't we don't have we don't have to have it and it doesn't define us, but it is still wonderful to have a compliment.

SPEAKER_00 46:33

I have this friend, and she'd been married about 15 years, and they had several children, and she went in one day because all of her other friends talked about their husbands always told them how I must they loved him and all that stuff, and she said, I won't say his name. She said, Do you love me? And he said, Well, of course I do. And she said, Well, you don't ever tell me. He said, I told you the day we got married, and I haven't changed my mind. If I change my mind, I'll let you know. That's what my daddy told my mama. Oh my! And you know what? He said, I work hard every day, so you don't have to hold down a job unless you want to. He said, I provide, he said, you never ask me for a penny that I didn't give it to you. He said, I take the kids every so often so you can have a walk.

SPEAKER_04 47:20

There's love languages, there's different love languages. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 47:22

And so his was not in that telling her how much he loved her and all that. And she said, buddy, she went in there just gonna dress him down, he could just kind of pull the black out of home.

SPEAKER_04 47:33

Exactly. So I have this friend who um they were complaining about something their boyfriend did, and it was a little thing, and it just got on their nerves. And let's just be honest, us girls have hormones. Yes, you know, so it got on their it got on their nerves, and I said, You gotta pick your battles and think about all the good they do do. And think, you know, we can't we don't have a perfect person that's gonna come in and be like, You're the best thing. I love you. Let me go to work 12 hours and come home and hell down your feet. Let me bring you this, let me do this, and let me make sure I'm bringing you gifts and all that. There are different love languages. Yes, yeah, yeah. And my, you know, praise God, I've had I have a really good provider, and he might forget to tell me I look pretty, but man, he's a great husband, a great daddy. And and if I need to remind him every once in a while, it's okay. I will tell him. I have a mouth. I will tell him what I need. But you're right, we we get our we know who we are in Christ, yeah, and we get our word from that, and we don't need to let them live it like he didn't tell me I'm pretty today. Oh he must not love me. No, what are you talking about? Come on.

SPEAKER_02 48:36

That's another thing, is I feel like, especially at my age too, like just throughout your teens and stuff, they're like, well, he did this today, and I'm gonna hold it over his head because he has to be perfect to me. And he can do all this stuff, he can do 99% right. Yeah. But when he does the 1%, that's always something he does wrong, then it's uh I gotta hold it over his head because until he gets that right, then I gotta.

SPEAKER_04 49:05

And I don't I don't think we I don't think we would be that bad if it wasn't for us seeing other people posting. You know what I mean? Exactly. You know what I mean? I really think that really just like with me and my husband were talking about all the weddings. Like we had a wedding with mint and nuts and cake, and it was and I don't think that people who have weddings now consciously are trying to one-up each other. I do not think they're consciously. I think subconsciously, though, it's like, oh, that was really pretty. I want mine to be pretty. Even if it's just for them, they're still comparing themselves to have.

SPEAKER_00 49:37

And I can't imagine spending $60,000, $70,000 on a on a wedding. Oh my lord. Amen.

SPEAKER_02 49:46

Yeah, and like the thing is too, is we're teens too. We're not having uh all together. We've never lived before. This is our first life. Every single day is a new day. And we can't look at other people too, not just like boyfriends or girlfriends. Like, you can't just look at them and be like, well, they have to be perfect, or else they can't be my friend. Or, oh, my parents have to be perfect because they um they've basically been through life before and they should know how to treat me right. And it's like, no, because even though they may mess up, look at all the other stuff that they do for you too.

SPEAKER_04 50:27

Yeah. And having gratitude for it all and not just that's such good grace that you're doing a testimony on, like just having grace for people, not hold on to this perfect standard.

SPEAKER_02 50:38

Yeah, and that and I had to learn that too, because and I'm not like gonna say, oh, well, my relationship's just perfect, because I did. I was like, oh well, like he told me I was pretty and he did this today, and he's been very, very nice today, but he did one thing that kind of upset me, and then I just had to tell him all this stuff that was wrong with him.

SPEAKER_04 51:01

Man, could you imagine if God did that to us? Could you imagine if God did that to us?

SPEAKER_00 51:06

Like every day we'd be being like, talk about that main God that you talked about.

SPEAKER_02 51:12

Man, we'd be dodging the one thing, that one thing, yeah. And it was like, I couldn't just give him grace on one thing that it did wrong, and I had to look at that because I did that for a while.

SPEAKER_04 51:24

And I've like, held him to a perfect standard, held him to the standard of being perfect. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 51:29

Why would you do this? And I didn't look back on the other stuff that I did and be like, oh, well, maybe he was aggravated in the moment, and he just didn't know how to react to it, or maybe he did this, and most of the time they're boys, they're not thinking all the time, they're gonna do something. And it's just like, you learned that young me.

SPEAKER_00 51:48

I think I'm getting better when they get to be me. Sometimes I don't think they need listen, it's just the fact of like just the grace, like it's about it's okay.

SPEAKER_02 52:01

Yeah, I forgive you.

SPEAKER_04 52:02

And that honestly, I mean, this all ties back. That comes to knowing who you are in Christ.

SPEAKER_02 52:06

Yes, and it's so much better to come from a loving place and be like, You messed up. It's okay. I forgive you. Set up, well, I I'm not gonna be your girlfriend anymore if you keep doing this stuff, and hold them to that, and it's like I'm gonna break up with you if you keep doing it.

SPEAKER_04 52:20

Or just staying mad all the time. I stayed mad all the time for I don't even know what for what reason. I just stayed mad all the time. But that does, you know, I didn't know who I was in Christ. I did not know who I was in Christ.

SPEAKER_08 52:31

It just shows you're anchored in him when you're able to extend that grace and you're able to meet him where he's at, just like he meets you where you're at. You know what I mean? And that just shows that you are anchored in the Lord because otherwise it would be petty and all this fuss and fighting and bickering and arguing that's not necessary.

SPEAKER_02 52:51

Makes you not want to be in a relationship anymore when you can't go one day without arguing. Like my thing is now though I've just seen it, it's like I don't I don't really care anymore. Like, I'm not gonna get into a huge argument with you and over something that's so tiny and you've didn't even mean to do anything.

SPEAKER_06 53:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:15

Now like there is stuff that's happened and it's like no you should have known better, you know you knew better, and you chose not to do the right thing. And but besides that, it's just like I want grace too if I did something wrong. Yeah, exactly. And I don't want to get yelled at by him and be like, Well, Haley, you just done this and this and this and this, and you always do this, and you always do this. But and he doesn't. And also he had to show me that too, because he was like, It's okay. Like, I forgive you. It's okay. And then I would be like, Well, you just did this and you did this, and you shouldn't have done that, and why do you do this and all this stuff? And because the enemy would bring up stuff in your mind, you're like, Oh yeah, I need to tell him this too, and this one, even though you already forgave them for it. Yeah, that's what you're talking about.

SPEAKER_04 54:08

Release the relate, uh forgetting stuff they've done, not holding it as a running tab. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 54:14

Yeah, but also too, like I think you bring up a good point though, is not being selfish. And we want people to validate us, but how many times do we encourage and validate them?

SPEAKER_03 54:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 54:27

How many times do we lift up other people? You know, and I always expected Kyle to give me a compliment and tell me these things, but how many times did I just say thank you for working hard today? Thank you for providing. Yeah. You know, thank you for being a listening ear. Thank you for anything. I didn't. I didn't extend compliments, and I still find myself even today, I think he's probably one of the hardest persons to compliment, and I don't know why. I don't know. It's just it's difficult to me, I guess, to to say those things. Sometimes it doesn't seem as easy as like I can say, Oh, Christine, that color looks good on you. Or Miss Roddy, I love your jewelry. That's so cute. And I'll I don't find myself always complimenting Kyle and saying things that I should. But in our marriage and in our relationships, we should do a good job of just being encouraging and being uplifting and saying those things. Yes because we can take our closest people for granted. But yeah.

SPEAKER_04 55:30

And I think though, yes, we can. On the flip side, I think it's the ones you're the most comfortable with, you relax the most with, that shows a level of love and deepness that you know it's like when kids throw tantrums when they're with their mom, but they don't throw it when they're with their aunt. It's because they're so relaxed and comfortable that they can be their self. So you all yes, we don't need to take them for granted, but it shows a level of commitment and love to be that comfortable just to be able to be in the same room and not have to speak or not have to compliment, not have to talk about nothing, just that bond that you have. But yeah, I agree.

SPEAKER_00 56:07

We need to make sure that we are Well, you know, she was saying something about they've done 99% wrong, but she felt led to say that one thing. And I remember about having to forgive. I have this friend and she told me she's gonna take me a gentleman. And uh something he did just really hacked her off, you know. She said, She went to him and she said, Well, I forgive you. And he said, I don't recall asking you. He said, Aren't you just digging pretty deep to find something that you need to forgive me of? He said, Either you like me or you don't. And you know, that was another place that she had to realize that she was being overly critical, yeah, sensitive and and she was comparing him to s the way her old husband did things. And sometimes we can compare like I I was married 38 years, I think she was married 40 something when her husband died. Well, it's easy to compare this new guy and expect him to do everything that 40 years of her breaking that other one in. Yeah, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_04 57:18

Yeah, exactly. You're right. You're right.

SPEAKER_02 57:21

Yeah, like people get out of relationships and expect their other people to be the same. Even with friendships, it's like, yeah, oh well, you're supposed to be the same as my other friend, and they're not. And it's like, nope, I don't want you anymore. Like, you're not gonna be a good one.

SPEAKER_04 57:34

And that can be a good or bad thing. Now, listen, you could compare, you could be fearful that your new friend is gonna do you the same way as your old friend, yeah, and then not allow that door or be real open with them, be more standoffish because that person hurts you, same with the ex-boyfriend. You know, or you can hold them on a pedestal and say, Well, you're supposed to be just like this other friend. She always did this, this, and she called me every day. You're supposed to call me every day. No, you know, it all boils down to if you know who you are in Christ, then you don't need that validation from other people. And it's nice, you want to be friends with people, but you don't have you don't you don't hold them to a hostage situation like if you don't do this, then I don't know who I I then I'm not who I think I am if you don't validate me like that.

SPEAKER_02 58:17

That is a big thing with boyfriends and girlfriends, is like they could have came out of like a really rough relationship, and then you can trigger something that you don't know of, and it's like, oh yeah, they're like the other person and you're not, and that's why also a I love to give him the grace and stuff in the in my relationship too, because of where he came from and how it was and how it affected him, and I knew how it was even where he was with her and I don't and I'm like, I don't want to be like that because I saw how it affected him and I don't want him to be like that anymore. And some of the stuff was just like basic stuff like Yeah, like she should have gotten mad about it, but should have gave him more grace instead of like well, I'm gonna break up with you if you keep doing this. And it was like, No, you just like you were wrong, you know you were wrong, you said you're sorry, you actually mean it, and you know you're gonna do better, and if you don't, then there's gonna be more consequences the next time. Kinda like how a kid is. Yeah. When you tell them, no, don't go do this, and they're like, Okay, I won't. And then they go do it again. Yeah, and it's like, okay, well, there's more consequences the next time you do it.

unknown 59:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 59:37

It's not like, I don't know. Whip them in the shape. Yeah. You whip them in the shape, girl.

SPEAKER_02 59:45

Keep them in the ring. Yeah, girl. Okay. Ring the fire. Make sure they don't get burnt. But I feel like that's just like a way to sum it all up into something is just give the grace and when people don't know their identity and they're figuring it out, yeah. Don't hold it over their head and be like, Well, you need to know your identity. Like, I know mine, you're supposed to know yours. And even with Collins, too. And it's like, Well, I know mine and you don't, so you need to be like me. And it's like, but God hasn't revealed it to them yet because they're not in a place where they need to know it yet.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:30

If not, for the grace of God, there go I. And we were once there. You know? So you're right, that grace is so important.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:40

Oh man, that's beautiful. That's a good thing to end on. Giving people that grace. You're right. Because we've all been in that place where we didn't know who we were, searching for it in all the things of the world, in other people and things, material, whatever that looked like. At one point we all needed grace, and now just to walk forward in that, extending that to others. And just not being judgmental and critical of of where they are. Because I sure don't want to have to go back and be able to be able to judge me where I was in those moments when they saw me at my weakest, when they saw me at my darkest, and when I was in the you know, the muck in the mire. They might not have come in on the good part of the story, they might have seen me when it was broken and messy and nasty, and I wasn't in a good place. Seeking that attention. And so I I love that is being so gracious while people find it, and how we can add value to them to help them find it and point them in the right direction, and be true sisters in Christ and not be jealous or envious, but to be okay with giving a compliment saying you look beautiful today, or that outfit looks really nice on you, or I love your lipstick shade. Just something simple but that can mean so much. And not that they're finding identity in their appearance, but we show the love of Jesus in that moment, yeah, by loving on them and giving them you know a moment of like wow. He complimented me because let's be honest, most women, or at least I was growing up, was catty and ugly and didn't really compliment other women out of my own insecurities, you know, not knowing who I was and rooted it. So that's good. And Haley, I just thank you for joining us today, and I look forward to coming back with us. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:56

Miss Ronnie, you want to close this out? Sure. Father, we just thank you for this time together, and we thank you that everything that we said that it may be helpful to even the people who are listening to this podcast. Lord, let everything we do bring you honor and let us take everything that was said here to heart ourselves. Let us be ever growing and ever changing and becoming more of what you want us to be. And Lord bless each of my sisters in this room and each of the people listening on this podcast that every day we would draw nearer and dearer to you in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen.