Meditation Retreat and Jewish Beatboxing

This week, Noah and Ester settle onto the couch to discuss Ester’s journey to a Heart Align meditation retreat in California, while Noah does his best to fast-forward through all the spiritual growth. Noah shares behind-the-scenes comedy intel from his warm-up comic friend, and the duo breaks down some huge Vegas news: the largest In-N-Out Burger on the planet. Finally, they crack open the joke vault, resurrect a few forgotten bits, pitch some fresh material, and attempt to make each other laugh while workshopping jokes live on air.

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 @ester.steinberg

@NoahGComedy

@againsthiswill

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi.

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Hi Noah. How's it going? We we are starting this episode mid fight, and this is good.

SPEAKER_00 0:09

Post fight. We had our fight, and now we're starting.

SPEAKER_01 0:12

Yes. It was Noah setting his boundaries before the incident even happens.

SPEAKER_00 0:19

Because it's called a pre-production meeting. Before the podcast started, I asked her what she wanted to talk about. She had a few ideas, and I just said, let's not spend too much time on that, and she got quite offended.

SPEAKER_01 0:32

Because you don't even know.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

I don't know what you're gonna say, but I what you were talking about was something we've already discussed on the pod. So I was just saying for the sake of our listeners, whom I value so much, you've already covered parts of that. Let's not spend an extensive time on that. And then you accused me of criticizing, and I was saying there was no criticism involved. It was a pre-production meeting, it was literally just an open discussion of what we're gonna talk about. But now you gave us something to talk about in the opening.

SPEAKER_01 1:01

So I did feel like you used the word cr productive or criticism. I used to or what's the word?

SPEAKER_00 1:10

I didn't use either of those words. I told you I was not criticizing you. You well, first of all, I started by saying let's not talk too much about this. And you go, Well, if you don't care about anything I want to say, if you don't even want to do the podcast, and I said, All I said is let's not spend too much time on this.

SPEAKER_01 1:24

Is there a is there a was it a Chappelle show, like a miniature stenographer, like a midget stenographer that like can track all the fights and conversations to be like actually did say that.

SPEAKER_00 1:35

I don't know if it was Chappelle show, but I'm sure that's been done in a comedy sketch. Anyway, we're here now.

SPEAKER_01 1:41

We should talk about the elephant in the room. I can get it over with in like super speed.

SPEAKER_00 1:47

What's the elephant in the room?

SPEAKER_01 1:48

What the what the thing I was gonna talk about that we've already talked about, although I don't think we talked about it.

SPEAKER_00 1:55

We've already spent way too much time.

SPEAKER_01 1:57

Okay, I'll get it done really quickly.

SPEAKER_00 1:58

I hate the first five minutes of this podcast. That was so good.

SPEAKER_01 2:01

And we can clip it and edit it.

SPEAKER_00 2:02

Okay, so what?

SPEAKER_01 2:04

Um, I did a drive to California in my electric vehicle. We've discussed a lot about vehicles. However, it was my first road trip, and I actually was having anxiety because there's not enough battery power to get to Cali. So I had to stop somewhere and charge. I was in the middle of the Mojave Desert having a really hard time with the Tesla charger, not figuring it out in the app and this and that. And I was because we don't have a Tesla, but we have an electric car, so it's a little like, yay, Tesla charger, boo. I don't have a whatever. And I did end up figuring it out, but there was a miniature, tiny, horrible panic attack in the Mojave Desert where I was like, I want a gasoline car. This is madness, and then I got through it and paid $22 to get to California.

SPEAKER_00 2:58

Much more reasonable than what a tank of gas would have cost.

SPEAKER_01 3:01

So how did you feel about the efficiency of that story?

SPEAKER_00 3:04

Love the efficiency. Uh good job telling it. Don't know that it needed to be told, but maybe I took your legs out from under you. Maybe you wanted to add more entertaining parts of the story that I scared you into telling. Uh, but anyway, what what I find to be more important, what I thought you were gonna talk about, is why you were going to California in the first place.

SPEAKER_01 3:25

Oh, yeah, that's good. Uh so god forbid I should try to get to the point of the story as opposed to I was going to California for a retreat with Kimberly Snyder, who's a health guru of mine that I've really admired and has been wonderful in books and podcasts and things like that. Check her out if you're trying to get on your health horse. And I was really excited. It was all it was gonna be all about the heart aligned meditation. It was me and my mom, and I was coming from quite an intense go, go, go, do this, do this, do this to like meditation retreat. And I did a digital detox, which I severely needed. Got off my phone, got off being a mom, and just got to be Zen.

SPEAKER_00 4:12

Which, by the way, wonderful that you had your digital detox. So glad you had your Zen moment in the weekend while I was at home with both kids solo parenting and the boys were fine. But by being on a digital detox, that also meant you were unreachable. So, as frustrating as it already is to be solo parenting, when I was trying to get a hold of you to understand what time you were possibly coming home or what time the swim lesson was or the piano lesson was, I was being met with zero response. So while you were being as zen as possible, I was actually getting as frustrated as possible.

SPEAKER_01 4:43

And I understand we do take turns. I do when you're like in Boston for several days or out for several days, you're not in a digital detox. You're very much working, very responsible, very reasonable and very responsible. But I literally, there was no cell service.

SPEAKER_00 5:02

I understand. You weren't ignoring me. I'm just saying it it was just funny that as you were like in a state of meditative bliss, I was not only watching the kids by myself, but being additionally frustrated by the lack of communication with my partner.

SPEAKER_01 5:16

In the back of my head, I knew that me being relaxed in Zen came on the back of a man who is handling a lot of stuff. And by the way, I came home to a very clean and peaceful house.

SPEAKER_00 5:30

Not a very clean and peaceful house. You came home to a house cleaner than you left. I watched the kids solo all weekend and delivered a house that looked better than the one you left me with. And but the kids did not eat as healthy as they normally do when you're around.

SPEAKER_01 5:44

And the kids are like, my stomach hurts. Where is mom?

SPEAKER_00 5:47

We may or may not have had a pizza and wings night while we watched the game because it was a boys' weekend.

SPEAKER_01 5:52

Can I sum up the learning? Can I like give a two-second sum up of what I learned?

SPEAKER_00 5:58

Sure, if it's gonna be interesting.

SPEAKER_01 6:01

I think it's interesting. So I'll do this really quick. We're all in our head thinking about things and thinking, but apparently there's some great science and meditations and all this stuff in ancient texts, and they all lead to trying to put a focus not on the brain, but on the heart. And the heart is the first thing before the brain has developed a baby in the womb is a heart. And from the heart is the intelligence of creating the rest of the body. So basically, it's about breathing and tapping into your heart and trying to put focus here. And if you talk about it, it's not that interesting. But if you actually close your eyes and put some heart-aligned meditations online, you can do it and tapping into appreciation. So, with that, I will say I appreciate you from my heart-aligned meditation heart. And I appreciate the people watching, and I appreciate uh lots of things in my life. So I'm I'm definitely tapped into a moment of trying to appreciate none of that's funny.

SPEAKER_00 7:07

No, well, it does everything. It's okay. I I appreciate you. I appreciate you saying that. I also appreciate anyone watching or listening. What is funny to me is as you were saying all that, and I mean this respectfully, I love, I sincerely love that you love this stuff. I believe it is a net positive in our lives. I believe it helps you become a better person, and the residual effect helps me become a better person as I tangentially absorb some of the knowledge or the behavior. However, when you talk about it, I literally now understand what it must be like for you when I talk about the nuggets in Nikola Jokic, where it's like you are sincerely happy for me that I have something I'm so passionate about, and you not only could care less, are actively bored by it.

SPEAKER_01 7:51

When you talk about stuff like that, I'm how many times have I asked you to sit and meditate with me? Oh, in this like heart meditation thing. Do I say, please, Noah, will you boom boom?

SPEAKER_00 8:04

No, but I did come down yesterday to you playing like tribal chanting music, which was like pulling you in. No, but I don't make you sit and watch the games with me, but the game might be on in the background. So it's actually perfectly analogous. Like because you're so into this, it just becomes inadvertently part of my world. Because I'm so into sports, it inadvertently becomes part of your world. The analogy rings true.

SPEAKER_01 8:25

I except for one difference. If the Nuggets win, it's this euphoric appreciation and heart align from you. And if the Nuggets lose, you are a sour puss and you're pissed off. But with meditation, I never leave and go, oh, it didn't go well.

SPEAKER_00 8:42

No, that's not true. Because now, because you're reliant on meditation, if you don't get to meditate, if you don't get to meditate in the mornings, you turn into the sour puss that I become when the nuggets lose.

SPEAKER_01 8:52

I'm actually this is not a coke addiction.

SPEAKER_00 8:55

There has never been a more one-to-one metaphor in our relationship. Your meditation is my sports.

SPEAKER_01 9:04

I don't agree, and I love that for us.

SPEAKER_00 9:07

Um I like that. The one thing you did tell me about that I did want to hear about that because I thought it was funny and relatable was as you were going to this meditative weekend, which people which you may or may not have said, it was like a group weekend where a handful of Kimberly's followers could be there.

SPEAKER_01 9:24

Well, some people just stumbled in, and some people were like serious followers. It was 20 people, it was a share circle.

SPEAKER_00 9:30

It was a group setting, and what happened in the share circle?

SPEAKER_01 9:33

The share circle was intense, people had very intense stories. Um, and of course, there's always one who wouldn't stop talking, and people would go around sharing one at a time, and he's like, Wait, I forgot something. And then at the end, he's like trying to sum everyone's up to how it relates to him. And then when someone would ask a question to the leader of the group who we're trying to absorb her brilliance and intelligence, he would take the question as if we were there for him.

SPEAKER_00 10:03

Truly a nightmare, worst-case scenario situation for me. Anytime you're in a group setting with like a circle of sharing and there's no structured time limit, there's always one asshole that ruins it for the group by hogging the spotlight. And I had a similar experience when I was in Brooklyn, I went with like a drug guru, if you will, where like you would go for a weekend, it was a bunch of people who plant medicine. Plant medicine, exactly. But like he would prescribe what you needed to elevate consciousness based on what he felt like your story was. And there was one woman who was yapping the entire time. And so, in this circle of like peaceful yogis, while everyone is trying to like become a better version of themselves on the second day, I finally called her out and told her she was talking too much, and I got in trouble by the leader of the group for not like being respectful, even though I felt as though she was not being respectful of other people's time.

SPEAKER_01 10:55

I would have loved for you to be there only for that moment to be like, hey, buddy, wrap it up. And in comedy, what do we we give them the light?

SPEAKER_00 11:03

Give them the light.

SPEAKER_01 11:04

You gotta give them the light.

SPEAKER_00 11:04

And so but it was kind of Did you start waving your cell phone at him?

SPEAKER_01 11:07

I was like, I need my phone. I was like, it's a digital detox.

SPEAKER_00 11:10

Do you think you do you think I know your mom was also annoyed by him?

SPEAKER_01 11:13

Do you think you two were the only ones annoyed, or do you think the entire group was it was so intensely there was a few people that just had such a brilliant heart, like such an open kindness that they weren't going to notice, but it you had to be Helen Keller to not feel the irritation of this guy who made it about him. And everyone was it's like, okay, so 19 people were very respectful of other people's time and energies, and then one person bet you what he was talking about was like boring. Oh, the worst was this. He was like, you know, when I was in a moment of enlightenment, and I was like, when you start to boast about your enlightenment while interrupting people and making the entire 20 people about you, when actually we're all here to learn from Kimberly.

SPEAKER_00 12:08

I think I would have actively had to leave. If I was very painful, share space like that with someone for an entire weekend. If you told me I'm in a one-hour class and I just have to be annoyed by someone like that for one hour, fine. If I'm there for a weekend with this guy, and in the first few hours I can see that's what it's gonna be like, I'm out.

SPEAKER_01 12:26

And he brought his boyfriend who didn't talk or share. It was very odd. But here's the thing we were all doing this heart align, heart aligned and and being in our hearts. And so I said, and I'll say this again, not on the podcast because we're on a time limit, but and I respect people's time. It's easy to be zen and in and meditating in nature with a bunch of kind-hearted people. But the real test of all this meditation junk is can you stay zen and in your heart and open when people are pissing you off in line and cutting you off and this and that? Can you stay away from like that anger and irritation and just settle?

SPEAKER_00 13:06

And so far, 48 hours back into regular people society. How do you feel like you're doing?

SPEAKER_01 13:10

I think I'm doing a lot better. Like with the kids, it's not, you know, I'll be washing dishes and they'll screaming. And I think I just let it rip as loud as I could. Like, stop hitting your brother. And now I'm like filming it and taking bets. No, I'm in my I'm trying to just take a breath and know that my actual breath energy is going to calm them before I even have to use my voice. Whatever.

SPEAKER_00 13:35

Um I've reached my limit of breath energies and enlightenment.

SPEAKER_01 13:40

And I love that for us. And I would never in a trillion gazillion years ask you to join me. And that is if you're not.

SPEAKER_00 13:48

No, I'm saying, like, literally for the sake of this episode.

SPEAKER_01 13:51

And I'm never gonna ask you to come with me.

SPEAKER_00 13:54

Wonderful.

SPEAKER_01 13:55

And we are done.

SPEAKER_00 13:59

That felt very final. We are done. You mean with respect to the conversation?

SPEAKER_01 14:04

I mean, yes, because I'm trying to literally be respectful of the time and energy that I take.

SPEAKER_00 14:10

We'll cut all the time.

SPEAKER_01 14:11

There was one last thing, and then I completely forgot, but I'll go back to it as like a selfish egomaniac.

SPEAKER_00 14:17

You'll go back to it like this guy who was hogging the share circle.

SPEAKER_01 14:21

She reminds me.

SPEAKER_00 14:22

Uh, well, so here's what I wanted to talk about. I got the first, second, and third cut of my special. I've been waiting for a month to get the director's cut of my special where they edited all the audio, they edited all the various angles, and sent me like the first version of their attempt of like, hey, what do you think? Then I sent back some notes and they sent me. And then yesterday I got back a hopefully this is final. There was one little tweak that we both agreed on, but otherwise the special's in great shape. And I am so relieved and thrilled with the fact that I'm happy with the way the special came out because again, we only shot it once, we only did one show, so it's not like if something got messed up, we could pull from a different show. If the audio was bad or one of the cameras didn't work, that's all we got. We we took our chance, and I am thrilled with how the special came out. However, we shot it with four cameras. There are four different angles, and it is so funny how you don't even know until you see it how great I look in certain angles and how awful I look in other angles. There's one angle, the straight shot where I'm watching, I'm like, I might be the most handsome man on earth. And then there's another angle from the side where I'm just like, I am a basketball-bellied son of a bitch, quasimoto, ugly, hunchback, fat, furry fuck. And the discrepancy between the two angles. And what's funny is I also have like a slew of doppelgangers. There's a handful of celebrities that people consistently tell me I look like, and I usually know where my weight is at based on that. Where like I range from when I'm looking good, I range from Travis Kelsey, Kevin Love, occasionally Channing Tatum to Andrew Huberman.

SPEAKER_01 16:04

I love that.

SPEAKER_00 16:05

To Seth Rogan, Ben Rothlisberger, and in the special, I could see all those in action. I was every single version of my doppelganger, depending on what angle the camera was hitting me at.

SPEAKER_01 16:21

I think you're incredibly handsome. I think that the camera is broken.

SPEAKER_00 16:27

No, it wasn't the camera. Well, that's the thing is you can't blame the camera. That's what you look like. That's again, like if you take a million selfies and you're like, why do all of my selfies look like shit? Perhaps there's something about your appearance that needs to change.

SPEAKER_01 16:40

I think also for me, I can take a picture with no lighting, but if I stand in front of a window and there's lighting in front of the window, I I I feel beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 16:51

Yeah, obviously, lighting angles, whether it's shooting a comedy special, taking a selfie, dick pics, whatever, it's all about angles and lighting.

unknown 17:01

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:02

Uh, so anyway, that that's all I had.

SPEAKER_01 17:05

Thank you so much for the audio.

SPEAKER_00 17:07

Oh. So that was a whole other mishigas. Uh we got an audio. Let me let me just clap it up and give a shout out to the audio engineers because the unsung heroes of stand-up comedy. They had to do the Lord's work. I filmed, I filmed in Denver for a largely Jewish audience. I would say probably 70% of the audience was Jewish.

SPEAKER_01 17:31

I thought you were gonna say not they weren't largely mostly Jewish, they were just fat Jews.

SPEAKER_00 17:36

No. But we got the first audio cut back, and it was just coughing and sniffling. There's something Esther and I jokingly refer to as Jewish beatboxing, which is when it's a lot, it's all the Jewish noises, and then you can create like a music, a beatboxing. That's Jewish. So anytime you go to school, anytime you go to a bar makeup, a Jewish wedding, you're gonna hear Jewish beatboxing. The entire first audio soundtrack to my comedy special, the director literally texted me and I was like, hey, how's everything sound? And he's like, most of the mics sound good. And he's like, But patient zero of some kind of sickness was sitting directly next to the microphone on one of them, and they sent me the cut, and it is literally just 52 minutes of straight up coughing and sniffling. And so my special taping is this audio engineer's Vietnam. Like, if I could watch him editing my special, I assure you he had the thousand-yard stare because when I was texting, I was like, hey man, I really appreciate that you're getting all the coughs and noises out. And he was just like, I have literally never had to edit out this many coughs. And snare it took him The Elaine Wolf It took him like three full days drinking Red Bulls, not leaving the studio, just editing out this.

SPEAKER_01 18:58

I I feel like when I was in the theater, I kind of I was trying to enjoy your special, but I was also a little bit of like the police officer, and I got nothing accomplished. I'm just sitting in my seat, but I do sort of remember a little too many.

SPEAKER_00 19:15

So anyway, thank God they were able to, because when you shoot a special, you mite the crowd in various points.

SPEAKER_01 19:22

You look at promo for your special.

SPEAKER_00 19:24

So they just took out the entire audio track. So I probably lost a little bit of crowd laughter from that side, but it is a small price to pay to remove the sound of 80-year-old Jewish tuberculosis from the background of my comedy special.

SPEAKER_01 19:38

Also, we do count coughs as laughs in certain Jewish shows.

SPEAKER_00 19:41

Let me tell you this. If coughs count as laughs, my laughs per minute were off the charts.

SPEAKER_01 19:46

You got a standing cough vacation. No, you did get a standing ovation. Are they is that in the end?

SPEAKER_00 19:52

They kept the standing O is in the final credits before it goes fade to black with the dedicated to my mom picture. Uh, but I did not know I got a standing O. As you told me, I left the stage. I like said thank you, turned my back, and instantly walked off stage and did not stay long enough to realize people were giving me a standing O because I was just so relieved to be here.

SPEAKER_01 20:11

You were like, and I'm done. And you are such an efficient man that even a standing ovation, you're not gonna give yourself 13 seconds to take anything in.

SPEAKER_00 20:21

Well, it's funny because the direct, they also asked me if I wanted to do any pickups or like if I wanted to re-walk out so they could introduce me just in case we needed like options for how to start the special with me like walking out, and I was like, No, I'm good. I got it. It is what it is. We shot what we shot, and we're gonna use what we use.

SPEAKER_01 20:36

That's the one thing I remembered from doing one and done shoots. They're like, get on stage again, get on stage again, leave again, leave again. That's at least I know.

SPEAKER_00 20:48

Not fun, not fun for you, not fun for the audience. I don't like I don't like contrived moments. I don't like, you know, like when you do applause, applause, applause. Yeah, when you do studio tapings or for shows. Like for years I was on Comedy Knockout, or when we did Comics Unleashed, when there is a paid audience, or when you do a special and it's just an audience there to help make a certain thing look a certain way, I feel gross when the crowd is being primed to react a certain way that's not natural. And I understand it's the way things are done in the business. I understand it's the way many things get shot to be more successful than they actually were in the moment. But I don't like when you're telling the crowd, okay, now let's bring the laughter up. Okay, now let's cheer. Okay, let's clap. Now give me a oh. Now go, ah.

SPEAKER_01 21:33

I like it.

SPEAKER_00 21:37

Okay. Yeah, you always have some warm up that's like, okay, now pretend I said something really funny. Go.

SPEAKER_01 21:43

You know what? Now that you're saying it, because I have this idea of uh of short film about the production of a special, that is definitely going to be part of it. Is a way like a silly clown of a man trying to do what And contriving every bit of like laughter in a clap, clapped in a laughter, clappter. Everyone go, awww, and it's all happening before.

SPEAKER_00 22:09

And by the way, I learned a fascinating. I've been doing comedy 20 plus years. I thought I knew every nook cranny aspect of the job, the profession, the industry. And a few weeks ago, when I was working at the cellar, one of the comics who was working with me all week was an old warm-up guy. Like he's in his 60s and he's made a career out of being the warm-up comic for like right now. He does warm-up for Jennifer Hudson. Nice. He used to do, I believe, America's Got Talent. He was Conan's warm-up guy for a while. Uh his name is His name is Gary Cannon. Couldn't be a nicer guy. Was a really funny comic, so this is not shitty on Gary in any way. He was awesome.

SPEAKER_01 22:49

It's a skill.

SPEAKER_00 22:49

But but he was telling me the politics and the skills that go into being a warm-up comic, especially depending on what kind of show you're warming up for. So, like, for instance, he replaced so Conan had an actual stand-up comic. Well, Gary's an actual stand-up comic, but Conan had a warm-up guy that Conan loved for years, and the guy would come out and just do 10 minutes of stand-up comedy to his crowd, and Conan loved him, but the network couldn't stand him because stand-up wasn't getting the crowd ready for an electric show. And so they brought Gary in, and Gary started doing crowd participation and t-shirt giveaways and dance contests, which Conan hated, but the network loved it because they noticed that there was an uptick in energy from the audience. And so like he had to work for Conan for the next 10 years. And he said Conan was never bad to him, but he knew Conan hated what he did. Oh god. But so anyway, it's it's just funny because like this guy is a professional comedian and he has jokes, but as far as being a warm-up comic at the Jennifer Hudson show, he is literally just doing contests. T-shirt guns, candy. And you know what else is funny? Is he said Jennifer Hudson has probably 30 or 40 regular audience members of just like unemployed people in Los Angeles who love coming to the TV tapings. And so they're there almost every day. And I was like, so do they get sick of your shit? And he's like, no, they know my job at this. He said he literally had them over to his house for a barbecue one time because they've become such regular audience members that he now has a relationship with the Jennifer Hudson audience.

SPEAKER_01 24:24

So funny. The community that's in, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:27

But yeah, so like anyway, and then he was also telling me that back in the day when like sitcoms, the the Seinfeld, everybody loves Raymond, King of Queens, when like sitcoms ruled television, you could make six or seven grand a week as the warm-up guy, and you literally he said some shows you just have to be there for 15 minutes. Sometimes you literally are there to warm up the crowd for 15 minutes, and then there are other productions where you have to go out every time there's a pause in production, anytime there's a mistake. So also it's a roll of the dice where you might be the warm-up act, one person is working 15 minutes a day, another guy has to be there for four or five hours getting the same amount of money.

SPEAKER_01 25:01

So I think we saw that with the all that reboot, and we brought little kids with us, and it was a lot of like the DJ trying, okay. And then, well, that was a funny thing because we were with a little kid, and we're like, who would you want to come and like pop in if it could be anyone?

SPEAKER_00 25:18

And he was like, I swear he manifested it. He said Justin Turner, who is crazy.

SPEAKER_01 25:23

Who like what?

SPEAKER_00 25:25

We brought my little cousin who is a redhead who lives in Los Angeles. At the time, Justin Turner was a redheaded player for the Dodgers, so it was just like his absolute idol. And we randomly, with zero knowledge of who the special guest was, were like, hey, Jaden, if you could see anyone be the special guest today, and he's like Justin Turner, and then lo and behold, that day Justin Turner was a special guest.

SPEAKER_01 25:46

Chick-fil-A chicken nuggets, and it was like awesome.

SPEAKER_00 25:49

Um, but yeah, so anyway, it was just interesting to learn about the politics and all the kind of moving parts of being a warm-up comic based on what skill set you provide, what show you're working on.

SPEAKER_01 26:01

I feel like I'm doing some form of warm-up comedy because I have I'm on day two of a seven-day run at the laugh factory in Las Vegas. Love working, love doing comedy, but I am the first person on stage. It is a confused batch of random Americans who have wandered from the horseshoe, they've lost bingo, they're out of money, and they have now wandered into a showroom that says laugh factory on it, and it's interesting. So I'm interacting with the comics beforehand, everything seems normal. And what I didn't realize was like you don't know someone's act until you see someone's act. You're like kind of talking about comedy or this or that. And then all of a sudden I saw this guy had like costume after costume and sound cues. I saw his butt, I saw his junk, someone touched his nipples, and I was like, oh, not very different, yeah, exactly what I assumed.

SPEAKER_00 27:00

I feel like anyone who spent 30 minutes in the green room with me or you before a show would not be surprised at all to then see the act that we put on. It's in a it's a very real extension of who we are off stage. It is always jarring when you see someone's act who is just completely out of left field from the person they are in real life.

SPEAKER_01 27:21

Um, there was a funny moment because he was a black guy in a purple suit, and I immediately thought about a Mark Norman joke uh about the confidence of black guys in purple suits.

SPEAKER_00 27:31

But then the Well, no, Mark Norman's joke, he's talking about black, he was saying people complain about white privilege, but black people have black privilege, like they can wear purple suits. That's funny.

SPEAKER_01 27:40

So, anyway, so he's in a purple suit and has question marks all over it, and I was like, okay. And of course, I said, I love your suit. Oh, I'm so glad I didn't wear that. I was going to. It's funny. And the comic sitting next to me, this guy who had been on like King of Queens and grown-ups, he said, I made that joke five minutes ago. And I was like, Oh, not only I'm a green room hack.

SPEAKER_00 28:08

How embarrassed.

SPEAKER_01 28:09

It was really, and then I was like, Oh, I'm so glad I didn't make that joke because you had just made and I tried to bring it. It was like, I'm gonna can I go home now? Yeah, that's just the uh on the laugh factory.

SPEAKER_00 28:22

That's the Snickers or the Southwest commercial wanna get away. That's uh that's a wanna get away moment. All right, well, speaking of Vegas. Come see me at the horseshoe. Let's do you're gonna be gone by the time this airs.

SPEAKER_01 28:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 28:37

Let's do This Week in Vegas. You hit me with some. I think you're two for two in the last two weeks of actually interesting This Week in Vegas news.

SPEAKER_01 28:45

This is huge news. Everyone knows.

SPEAKER_00 28:48

Literally huge, literally huge.

SPEAKER_01 28:50

The biggest in and out in the world is going to be opening, I believe, today in Las Vegas.

SPEAKER_00 28:58

The biggest in and out in the world. No drive-thru. It's just like what a three-story magazine.

SPEAKER_01 29:03

I do think there's like in Southern California, there's one that has like a bigger outdoor seating or something like that. But this one's gonna be the biggest, and it has a big um outdoor seating too, and indoor seating. I do feel like in and out is always so packed. So I am hoping that a really big in and out isn't just like two cooks. What if it's such a big in and out, but still only two people are taking orders and three people are cooking?

SPEAKER_00 29:27

It wouldn't be interesting to see if as they increase the size of the in and out, if there's a little bit better crowd control and like flow to getting your order. Because In N Out, I do love In N Out except for their shitty, shitty fries. But it always takes a really long time to get your food because it's always packed. I've never been to an In N Out in I've been to In N Out in various cities, various states, various times of day, never not been to a packed In N Out. So I am interested to see.

SPEAKER_01 29:54

The largest In N Out should just be five In N Outs next to each other.

SPEAKER_00 29:59

That seems like that's what this one is probably gonna be. But it is interesting that it's happening at a time when In N Out is also kind of feuding with California, its home state, because they're moving their headquarters to Nashville.

SPEAKER_01 30:08

Oh, I thought you were gonna say Nevada. I did not know they're moving their headquarters to block. How do you know?

SPEAKER_00 30:14

Because it was big news a while ago. I think it was political. Like I think the head of In N Out is Republican and was no longer enjoying California's very not only liberal social policies, but more importantly, how anti-business the state has become with prohibitive taxes, which in that respect I do agree.

SPEAKER_01 30:30

Okay, and now we Nevadans are gonna but it and it is very much on the strip, and I think it'll attract there. What there is one at the link and it's super busy, anyways, but good for good for in and out.

SPEAKER_00 30:42

And I guess there's we go there are still enough states that don't have in and out where coming to In N Out would be a big deal. Like I remember growing up in Colorado when I would visit my cousins in California, it was a big deal if we got in and out, because for a long time California was the only place you could get in and out. Then it started branching out west where Arizona, Nevada, Colorado all have in and out, so it's less of a big deal. But I imagine there are families from Ohio and Indiana and Kentucky and Arkansas that I'm assuming don't have in and out that will want to visit the world's largest in and out.

SPEAKER_01 31:16

I didn't even know In N Out existed until I was 20 years old, and it was the first time I had ever gone to California, and I got to California and I lived in Westwood, and there was an In N Out there, and I was like, what's this? And someone told me about the secret menu, and I was so excited.

SPEAKER_00 31:32

I will say this about a Vegas In N Out. I feel like it should be 24 hours.

SPEAKER_01 31:35

It has to be.

SPEAKER_00 31:36

I feel like Vegas has the kind of city and population, both local and tourist, that could support a 4 a.m., 5 a.m. Gimme a double double animals.

SPEAKER_01 31:48

Will you do a run to In N Out?

SPEAKER_00 31:50

Twist my arm. I'll take the kids for dinner tonight. Um, all right. Jokeyard. Do you have anything prepared for jokeyard?

SPEAKER_01 31:59

I'm kind of I'm I'm just gonna I don't think I'm out of old jokes, but I've been brewing something in my head, and maybe it's a new idea or a new joke or an old idea. I have been endlessly fascinated with Las Vegas. Good for me. I also sort of believe that it's an untapped resource with the real Las Vegas, not just LOL getting drunk and losing money gambling, which is not my reality ever. But I have an idea which is basically talking about how Las Vegas and I want to make this a nice punchy joke. Las Vegas is a sanctuary of fun. Okay. It's an it's it's an asylum or whatever it is. I want to use some funny wordage. It is about fun. Now, what I like about this city is other cities, if there's wars going on or politics or bad things are happening, that city takes it in and they kind of have a heaviness in their heart. Vegas is impervious to the heaviness of the world. Yes, I understand there's wars. We get it. We get there's shit on the news, there's stuff happening and popping off. But listen, there's also a 70th birthday. Every year, someone is celebrating a 70th birthday, and there's gotta be one place where you can say fuck all the noise is we're partying.

SPEAKER_00 33:21

We are the great escape. Vegas is gonna be a girl.

SPEAKER_01 33:22

Gina's getting a divorce, okay? I don't I know there's war, but also Gina's gotta go somewhere and get a dick around her face and da-da-da. Yes, someone's gonna get married, someone's gonna be divorced, someone's there needs to be a sanctuary of fun, and I love that it's this.

SPEAKER_00 33:38

Whatever is happening in Iran has nothing to do with the fact that the egos are still at the sphere and boomers gotta party.

SPEAKER_01 33:44

Boomers are gotta boom. They got all that that money coming in from their 14 properties that they own. And they so I just love I want to make it really funny, but like a sanctuary of fun. They've got the blinders on the room.

SPEAKER_00 33:58

So I think you said asylum before. I I believe what you were referring to was an asylum city, where I believe is when like refugees are allowed to be there and cannot be deported. So Vegas is an asylum city for people not trying to be bummed out. Yeah, oh don't kill our buzz. Yeah, Vegas is an asylum city for people seeking good times.

SPEAKER_01 34:18

It's there's a there should be a poster that says, Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas, and then in parentheses, bitch don't kill my vibe.

SPEAKER_00 34:25

Sure, I like it.

SPEAKER_01 34:26

No buzz kill here.

SPEAKER_00 34:27

I think there's something there.

SPEAKER_01 34:29

I could also sell shirts that say make America buzzed again. I'm just joking about it.

SPEAKER_00 34:33

Just also in a short callback to last week's episode, which wasn't part of Jokeyard, but when you went on your rant about short kings and you posted the clip, Tom Simmons, who is one of my earliest mentors in comedy and someone who I respect endlessly because of how prolific he is as a writer, specifically said in the comments that he feels like you have stummed stumbled onto a brilliant premise of the drawbacks of tall guys. Not necessarily I've heard people defend short kings, so it's not about like a premise of here's why short guys are great, but no one is really shitting on tall guys from the perspective of like all the drawbacks of being with a tall partner. So I'm just saying Tom Simmons feels like Tom is not, I mean, he's six foot six one, but he's not saying he's just saying like you've got something there to develop as well. I love Tommy's tall partner, yes. Okay, so my joke yard is not a Well, are you gonna give me notes?

SPEAKER_01 35:28

That's not a flesh-out joke.

SPEAKER_00 35:29

I know. That's so I just told you I think it's I think it's good. I like the idea of Vegas being an asylum city for fun seekers.

SPEAKER_01 35:36

Okay, that's good. Asylum city for fun seekers.

SPEAKER_00 35:39

That's my note. There's there's how you phrase it. Vegas is an asylum city for fun seekers, and then from there you can build out the greater point you're trying to make, which is regardless of what horrible shit is going on in the world, a 70-year-old's gotta come celebrate something. From my jokeyard, it's not a joke so much as a funny note I saw and was just like, huh, maybe there's something there. I said, I put clip toenails on my to-do list, like I need to schedule an appointment with myself not to have talons. And I think I I I think it's funny because I gotta sell it a little more. Well, no, I'm not I'm not delivering it as if it's ready material.

SPEAKER_01 36:18

Put a sound cue on.

SPEAKER_00 36:19

But the thing is, I do legitimately put clip toenails on my to-do list. Like when I realize they've gotten too long, and I don't know if it's because clipping my toenails is such a task that it feels like something I have to remind myself to do of importance, or if it's one of those cheat codes where you know sometimes you put things on your to-do list just so you feel like you can knock something off. Like that's just like a very easy task. Right. Like, why am I putting things on my to-do list that I have to do just as a human being? I don't put brush my teeth on my to-do list, but there's something about clipping my toenails that lives in the gray area between brushing my teeth, something I have to do every day, and a real task, like pay this bill, go write this script.

SPEAKER_01 37:00

Oh, I like this, but you're getting a dopamine hit when you cross something off a to-do list.

SPEAKER_00 37:05

Okay, so there you go.

SPEAKER_01 37:07

What are you masculine enough to go get a pedicure?

SPEAKER_00 37:10

No, well, masculine enough. It would be too masculine.

SPEAKER_01 37:14

No, I'm not-like you're masculine enough to wear pink and not feel yes, I would as a hacky comedian.

SPEAKER_00 37:21

I would not I would not not go get a pedicure because I think it's gay or not manly enough. I have no problem with that from a like gender sexuality standpoint. I wouldn't go get a pedicure because I don't like people like touching and tickling and messing with my feet.

SPEAKER_01 37:40

Okay. So we are different.

SPEAKER_00 37:42

Yeah, I I think I've gotten I I've gotten a pedicure once and I was uncomfortable the entire time.

SPEAKER_01 37:47

Okay, so clipping your toenails is on the to-do list. Yeah, but you so And what else is on your to-do list? Tie your shoes.

SPEAKER_00 37:54

Right. So I guess is there something funny about talking about how it lives in the gray area between like a real task and just like shit that is way too easy and simple and human nature to even justify putting on a to-do list?

SPEAKER_01 38:06

Well, it does your brand. People don't know this. They think your brand is smoking weed, which was long ago.

SPEAKER_00 38:12

No one thinks that anymore.

SPEAKER_01 38:13

Now your brand is efficiently getting through the day, crossing off things on your to-do list in the most efficient way possible. You could do a TED talk on being efficient.

SPEAKER_00 38:23

By the way, mailing a letter became the biggest to-do. I've had to send this kid a bar mitzvah check for the last three weeks, and I cannot bring myself to put a stamp on the envelope, write his address on the envelope, and drive it to the post office because I don't trust however the mail done is done in our neighborhood.

SPEAKER_01 38:40

There's an outgoing mail thing. Don't make it harder than it already is. Noah won't use outgoing mail on the mailbox.

SPEAKER_00 38:46

I don't trust outgoing mail in the neighborhood.

SPEAKER_01 38:48

He has to go all the way to the post office and then eventually just never.

SPEAKER_00 38:53

Go straight to the source. Go straight to the source.

SPEAKER_01 38:55

It's just funny how we all are like, did your dad used to bring mail to the post office?

SPEAKER_00 39:02

No, but I used to like growing up, we had the kind of mailbox where you would hang the letter halfway out, and so the mailman would come take the mail and then put it in your new mail. Yeah, exactly. So but I don't most cities don't have this. In Las Vegas, because it's so hot, individual properties don't have an individual mailbox. There is a communal mail post where like every house in the neighborhood has a slot because they don't want the mailman having to walk around the entire neighborhood in 120-degree heat. So because of that, I don't trust the state. They make us walk. Right. So I don't trust this communal, like stick your mail here and trust that the mailman is gonna take it and get it.

SPEAKER_01 39:39

So I just go straight to the storm roomy, very apartment. I mean, you had the apartments, but you never trusted an apartment.

SPEAKER_00 39:46

Uh yeah, when I lived in apartments in New York, well, I never left mail for the mailman in my apartment. I would go to the Penn Station USBS.

SPEAKER_01 39:55

And we have private Intel because my brother-in-law is officially a U.S. mailman and he has Intel.

SPEAKER_00 40:03

Postal worker.

SPEAKER_01 40:04

Postal worker.

SPEAKER_00 40:05

Don't that's like calling a flight attendant a stewardess.

SPEAKER_01 40:08

What about a waitress, not a server?

SPEAKER_00 40:10

Which one's better? Server is better than waitress?

SPEAKER_01 40:14

Yeah, I think so.

SPEAKER_00 40:15

That sounds weird because I would feel like the implication that you're there to serve, even though that is what they're doing, feels more offensive to me than that.

SPEAKER_01 40:22

I like fesbian and not actor. Okay, I remember the thing I wanted to share. Oh, good. It'll make it quick, but it is kind of funny. So people are in a room sharing some of their like healing journeys, and let me tell you, it was a range of really intense emotional issues in their life. They, I'm not even gonna go, it's not my place to share. They I'm ready to share. And I was like, being a comedian is a lot of output, and the whole thing we're learning is that we're enough, we're whole, and we don't need outside validation. And I was like, this career I have chosen is all about outside validation. And maybe there was like a little crackle in my voice, and like it's genuinely a thing. And I'm like, I'm gonna quit comedy, I'm done with it, I'm gonna be a health coach. And it was just so funny to zoom out sometimes and be like, people are talking about heavy, dark, deep stuff, and I'm like, I'm sick of trying to get likes on the internet.

SPEAKER_00 41:23

Yes, one person was molested as a kid, the other person was like abused by their spouse, and you're crossed to bear is that you chose a career that requires constant external validation.

SPEAKER_01 41:34

Being a clown is hard, and so and people were like holding my hand, they're like, Oh dear, here's a tissue. I'll follow your podcast, I promise.

SPEAKER_00 41:43

I'll listen to it against his will.

SPEAKER_01 41:45

My husband who committed suicide would have loved your podcast. Um, so it was it. I I have great problems.

SPEAKER_00 41:51

Now, in case we cut the argument from the very beginning, let's just let the people know this is going to be our last podcast for at least a month. We're going to Florida. I have set my boundary and told her if we're going to Florida for vacation, I'm actually vacationing. So we will not be podcasting for the next month. But it's a great podcast, buddy.

SPEAKER_01 42:10

Who our son took a podcast?

SPEAKER_00 42:13

No, no, no, no. We're not launching into a new I'm trying to end the podcast.

SPEAKER_01 42:17

We're ending, we're ending.

SPEAKER_00 42:18

I'm just letting people know we're done for the summer. Catch up on old episodes or send it to a friend. Goodbye.

SPEAKER_01 42:24

So you heard it here against his will. Catch up on old episodes, send it to a friend, like, share, comment, and I appreciate all of the wonderful feedback we've gotten, and we will be back.