Capybara and the Airport Jackpot

Back from Florida for summer break. We discuss the Florida trip, an interesting Vegas Jackpot at the airport, robot girlfriends, and Noah's gambling debt involving movie parts. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

We're back.

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Hi, we're back from our wonderful Florida trip, not vacation, because it involved children.

SPEAKER_00 0:11

Are back. And I probably will regret admitting this later, but I actually missed it while we were gone.

SPEAKER_01 0:18

Yay podcast.

SPEAKER_00 0:20

I know the entire premise is against his will, and there are still times like today where there are other things I wish I'd be doing. But in the two weeks we were gone, I missed doing our weekly catch-up. So I'm actually happy to be back.

SPEAKER_01 0:32

Um, full disclosure.

SPEAKER_00 0:34

Full disclosure.

SPEAKER_01 0:35

We did record a podcast episode yesterday, and it turns out we had a lot of unprocessed trauma from Florida. And by trauma I mean I was very unhappy with our accommodations, which is my childhood home.

SPEAKER_00 0:49

By unprocessed trauma, we spent two weeks living with your parents in Florida, and they were generous, kind, lovely hosts that also drove us crazy, and we wanted to be back in our own space. So yesterday we did try recording the podcast, and then after listening to it, we realized we were just unpacking and venting like a therapy session, and we didn't want to unload that on you. So much like the very first time we tried recording this podcast, we had to start over because I had to learn how to not breathe directly into the microphone through my nose.

SPEAKER_01 1:17

We're not afraid of a re-record.

SPEAKER_00 1:19

We had to re-record post-Florida break so that we could just get all the venting out of our system and try to actually be kind and entertaining and fun on today's session.

SPEAKER_01 1:28

We did agree upon the highlights.

SPEAKER_00 1:31

Highlights and lowlights. We we agreed upon the bullet points of our Florida trip we wanted to share. I'll let you jump off.

SPEAKER_01 1:37

What's the first thing you want to Noah is not a beach guy.

SPEAKER_00 1:41

Never have been, never will be.

SPEAKER_01 1:45

I'm a beach girl. I grew up on the beach, and I think you're missing the part of like laying and relaxing in the shade and swimming in the ocean.

SPEAKER_00 1:54

The most important part of what you said would be shade. There was no shade to be provided, so it is impossible to lay and relax on the beach without some kind of shade. But in general, I'm not a sun and water kind of guy all day. I love the beach. I love the pool in a 30-45-minute increment. I cannot spend all day baking under the sun, jumping into some body of water to cool off, and then in the beach's case, getting covered in sand and being uncomfortable and having a bunch of heavy shit to carry to and fro. It's just not my idea of the way to relax. So that was first and foremost. One week on the beach in Florida was her dream, my nightmare.

SPEAKER_01 2:34

Well, also, yeah. We the one thing I will say is that my family usually goes to St. Pete Beach, and this time we went to Madeira Beach, and I didn't realize how different they were. Because I was like, let's get a VRBO, let's do an Airbnb instead of the hotel. Anyways, turns out Madeira is a Redneck Riviera.

SPEAKER_00 2:53

You can just say it was the Redneck Yacht Club. It was a different clientele than you wanted to spend a week around. But be that as it may, I leaned in. We got through the week and then ultimately went back up to your parents' house in Tampa. And the whole reason you wanted to stay in Tampa past the beach week is because you had this fantasy of giving your children, our children, we actually do share them, uh an incredible week of the amusement park that you grew up in. Bush Gardens, the amusement park in Tampa. You bought the season passes and you planned to take the kids every day every day and we'll go every day twice. And it took all of going twice. And by the way, we only went the second day to justify what we paid for the pass to at least get our money back on the cost of the passes, because after one day, it was enough.

SPEAKER_01 3:35

I think all parents can agree what happens mid-July. Okay? You're or early July. You're in the summer break, you want it to be amazing, blah blah blah. So much like Busch Gardens, we get there, we're paying crazy for like parking and bad food and all the schlepping, and it's lot lots of lines. And so this idea of like amusement park, my kids are gonna be so appreciative. No, that's not what happens. You're sweating in a line, there's lightning, so they close the thing.

SPEAKER_00 4:07

I was gonna say in Tampa's case, in the middle of the afternoon, when you've been waiting in line for 30 minutes, they delay the ride for an unforeseen amount of time because of rain and thunder, they can't tell you when the ride's gonna open up. This happened to me twice while I was waiting in line for a half hour with a nagging six-year-old. After that, I was done with the amusement park. But say all that to say, while we're complaining about the beach, while we're complaining about the amusement park, the children had the time of their lives. They loved every minute of the beach, they loved every minute of the amusement park. So your big theory is the dream summer break for children is built on the backs of exhausted, overwhelmed, frustrated parents who just want to be home.

SPEAKER_01 4:44

Yes, your childhood uh, you know, memories of like when we went to that place in this amusement park, that was a an angry, frustrated, sunburned dad who's freaking had it with a giant fanny pack who is so spent that like anything could just make them snap, and you're like, wow, my dad really snapped at that Cheeto. It wasn't the Cheeto, it wasn't the Cheeto, it was weeks worth of kids whining.

SPEAKER_00 5:14

Now, there was one thing that you actually did enjoy in Florida.

SPEAKER_01 5:19

Like, I was not part of this experience, but everyone who partook universally loved it, which was Me and my sister had talked about taking the kids to a Capi Berra cafe, which they have like cat cafes in Japan. So the cafe part is weird because they don't have coffee.

SPEAKER_00 5:35

I don't think the rest of the world, I I know you argue with me on this. I know you are convinced that Capi Berra has hit mainstream, that capibera is part of the zeitgeist. I don't think the average person knows what a capy barra is. So just paint the picture. When you say Capi Berra Cafe, that is a hangout to hang out with a capibera, which is a giant rodent.

SPEAKER_01 5:56

You walk into a store.

SPEAKER_00 5:59

You know, but just explain people know what a cafe is. Explain what a capy barrel is.

SPEAKER_01 6:03

I can't wrap my head around the fact that people don't know. Uh everyone knows, but I'll do it to humor you. A Capibara is a humongous, technically a rodent, and it's basically got the personality of a dog of like the chillest, coolest, most fun uncle dog.

SPEAKER_00 6:19

You're putting a lot of heavy lifting on the word technically. It's not technically a rodent, it is a rodent. I will I will give you this.

SPEAKER_01 6:27

Like my kids, literally a rodent.

SPEAKER_00 6:30

They look cuter and have a kinder temperament than rats and mice and a lot of the other rodents people think about, but it's still a rodent. No two ways about it.

SPEAKER_01 6:39

Mickey Mouse is a rodent.

SPEAKER_00 6:41

Mickey Mouse is a cartoon. Okay, so cafy bears are these very kind, gentle rodents that people are.

SPEAKER_01 6:56

Oh, thank you. And they when you tickle on their belly, they're like spikes come up. So I just spent the whole time being like, and you're just wanting to please them and you feed them kale.

SPEAKER_00 7:06

The one the one interesting fact I learned through your obsession with cabbie bears is that they have no natural predators, they're like the one animal on earth that is not the natural prey for any single hunter.

SPEAKER_01 7:19

He's like the most popular animal on the planet.

SPEAKER_00 7:22

Every little carnivorous predator on earth wants to attack the cabbie bear.

SPEAKER_01 7:26

Even sharks are like, nah, he's chill. He's chill. The cabbie bears also can swim super fast. Um, they need to be like swimming a lot, so they have like a private pool for them at this place. But I learned so much. And after hanging out with them, you're not gonna understand this, but I felt a little bit euphoric. I definitely felt like a rush of oxytocin after hanging out with the capybera. And I got two of them, and one was like a rescue with a weird tooth.

SPEAKER_00 7:54

So oxytocin can come in three forms orgasm, breastfeeding, or hanging out at a capybert cafe.

SPEAKER_01 8:00

And I had to like consult with Chat GPT. I'm like, why am I euphoric right now? And they're like, this is normal for caviaras, everyone loves them. Turtles hang out on them. But I want to say, um, my kids were in the room with us, and the kids were scratching the caviar, messing with the caviar, and then they had their own mini caviaras that make annoying noises, and they would shove it in the caviar's face. Now, because they're so friendly, they're not gonna like bite them, but they gave them serious side eye and slowly got up and slowly walked away.

SPEAKER_00 8:33

So our kids managed to stress out the kindest animal on earth.

SPEAKER_01 8:37

Yeah, and they went outside, grabbed a cigarette, and were like, dear God, give me a freaking break.

SPEAKER_00 8:43

Moses and Nathan forced the capy barra into a smoke break, which I fully believe they're capable of.

SPEAKER_01 8:49

And just last thing, last thing, please. One last thing.

SPEAKER_00 8:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:55

People are so obsessed with capy barrels, it makes no sense. If you put, I'm telling you, this is good advice. If you put a capy bear on a water bottle, it will sell. If you do a t-shirt and put a cabbie bear on a t-shirt, it's gonna sell out. This thing, this crazy animal has a chokehold on society.

SPEAKER_00 9:15

Why are you not actively making Cabibera merch instead of forcing me to do the second version of a podcast with the AC off?

SPEAKER_01 9:23

Well, as in my brain, I'm like, me and the caby bear or just the caby bear. Like, I need to get it. We're our new logo is against his will, Cabibera. And there's no Cabybera emoji. That needs to get changed. I'm done.

SPEAKER_00 9:35

Okay, let me just say this the fact that there is no Cabibera emoji right there eliminates any of your arguments that it's like this incredibly well-known, beloved animal by the masses. Because if it's well known and beloved by the masses, you better believe there is an emoji for it. But now we're moving on.

SPEAKER_01 9:51

We can change emojis. There was a kid with glasses that was upset about the emoji with the glasses because it was dorky, and they like wrote to emojis and we're like, this is not fair to do to someone with glasses.

SPEAKER_00 10:03

And so what? Now there's no glasses emoji, or now it's just a glass of emoji that fucks.

SPEAKER_01 10:07

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:09

All right. Uh, but we are back in Vegas. Say all that to say we went to Florida on a one-way ticket because we weren't sure when we were coming home, and we decided to come home earlier than planned, and now we are back.

SPEAKER_01 10:23

And the reason all of this is going on, we are people who don't get the luxury of knowing what our perfect schedule looks like. We thought that we were filming a movie.

SPEAKER_00 10:35

We thought we went to Florida on a one-way ticket so that we could leave the children with the grandparents while we were supposed to go and shoot a movie up in New York this summer.

SPEAKER_01 10:43

It sounds like we're like actors.

SPEAKER_00 10:46

No, we wrote the movie that we wrote is being shot with two other people. We are two of four writers on a movie that is being produced. Yay, and the good news is the movie is still happening. We are still shooting it. The shoot days just got pushed to October. So our summer that we cleared for this movie is now totally free. We came back to Vegas, instantly put the kids in camp so that we could start living our lives and doing things like taking two days to record one episode of a podcast.

SPEAKER_01 11:13

Now, this is precisely why when people ask us what's happening, we can't tell them. Because there was a group of people I finally felt comfortable to be like, we're shooting it in July. And so now everyone's like, So what's going on? Like, are you? And it's then you have to explain this is why, if you're smart, you don't tell a single person what you're up to.

SPEAKER_00 11:38

You can't tell friends or family anything that's happening in your profession until the release date is literally publicized. And at the event from the red carpet, you could then call your mom and dad and be like, by the way, we wrote a movie that got shot. Because up until then, it might not happen. And the other reason you can't tell people about it, you may not know this, but last season, during fantasy football season, I made a wager with one of my friends. I have a friend, Ryan Shear, who's in my fantasy football league, and we bet $1,000 on head-to-head who would whose team would score higher. And on top of the $1,000, Ryan is a successful real estate developer, so we added an extra kicker. If I won, he was going to name a lounge in one of his new properties after me or someone in the family. Could have been No Goods Lounge, Esther's Lounge, Momo and Nathan's Cappy Bear Cafe. And if I won, I had to promise speaking parts to him and his friend Ashish in a movie. I maintain it was a movie to be determined later. There was no expiration date on this. I can't snap my fingers. This was before I even knew our movie that we wrote was being made. I just simply said, one day, a day will come where I will write a movie, and if and when I ever have that kind of control and power on set, you will get a line in the movie. They found out that this movie is being made, and they basically called me up last week, like, hey dude, what's up with that movie? And I hear you're shooting something. Where's the script? I believe I am Oda speaking part. I'm like, yeah, I 100% will fulfill my promise to you, but this ain't the one. This ain't the movie that is gonna happen.

SPEAKER_01 13:11

They shouldn't even know that there's a movie. They're like, is it July? And you're like, October.

SPEAKER_00 13:16

Of all the people bothering me about whether or not this movie is happening, a fantasy football bet is low on the rung of priorities that it's going. But Ryan Shear, Ashish Karam Chandani, the day will come.

SPEAKER_01 13:27

After I've already made a promise to my dad that he could have a small part in the movie.

SPEAKER_00 13:33

You would think the motivation for writing movies is to make money or expand our careers as stand-up comedians, but it's actually just to fulfill the promises of all the people in our lives that years ago we promised speaking roles to one day.

SPEAKER_01 13:46

Does any other profession have this? Is there a football player that's like, oh, I promised my dad first kickoff?

SPEAKER_00 13:54

I promised my dad I'd throw a 10-yard out if I ever made it to the Super Bowl, go to the coach. Can my dad play today? He's like, no, there are people who devote their lives. This is the profession. You can't just sub it. You can't just sub it in amateur. But that said, I did make the bet. Did I make the bet fully expecting to win? Yes. So am I fucked? Do I have anyone to blame but myself? No. I'm the asshole that lost a thousand dollars and now owes two speaking roles in a movie. I can't guarantee, but I'm gonna do my best to provide it.

SPEAKER_01 14:22

If you ever are watching a movie and there's an actor that's like not really selling it and not really good, just know that's someone's orthodontist that made a bet in fantasy football and was like, bro, I'm gonna be in your next movie.

SPEAKER_00 14:37

If there is ever a movie written by Noah Gardensworth that features a furry little Canadian Jew and a skinny Indian man that looks like David Schwimmer delivering lines poorly, it's because I lost in fantasy football in 2025. It's like So anyway, but in other professional news, separate from a movie not being made, in what I would say is the most embarrassing statement to come out of my mouth this year, I'm back on Facebook.

SPEAKER_01 15:14

I just want to let it sit.

SPEAKER_00 15:16

Yeah. Yeah. And it's so because it's your fault that I even have to say I'm back on Facebook. First and foremost, over the last year, I have been trying to grow my YouTube page by all I know we're asking a lot of you to watch, listen, subscribe to the podcast, but also while you're there, subscribe to my YouTube page at Noah Garden Tours Comedy. I've got a new special coming out this year, so I'm trying to build up my following on YouTube in case I decide to release it on that page. But once you go down the rabbit hole of having to create more content online and go across platforms, everyone told me if I ever want to monetize clips, it should be very advantageous to go to Facebook. I used to, like the rest of the world, have a very thriving, flourishing, popular Facebook page. At one point in time, I probably had 10 to 15,000 followers on there. And then a couple years ago, your Facebook page got hacked, and you were so frustrated and angry about getting your page hacked that in solidarity, I deleted my Facebook page, fully expecting you to also be done with Facebook. And here we are, years later, you still have your Facebook page. And I, at the age of 42, am requesting friends, and they're going to Noah Garden Schwartz's allegedly semi-famous comedians page and seeing that there are 46 followers. It is shameful, it is embarrassing, and I blame you.

SPEAKER_01 16:35

There's something kind of funny and like old school about you friend requesting people and maybe do a photo album.

SPEAKER_00 16:42

I actually do think you should do a photo album, and every picture is I don't even have a single post up, so I'm convinced anyone getting this friend request or acknowledgement right now thinks it's a fake page because it's Noah Garden Schwarz with 46 friends and zero content up on the page. But explain. Not only did you not delete your Facebook page, your frustration was that it got hacked, and you are the only person who can probably say this the hackers grew your Facebook page presence before you got your page back.

SPEAKER_01 17:11

I had there were two separate hackings. I'll do this very quickly. One was like my normal Facebook page with my high school pictures and things.

SPEAKER_00 17:20

Someone from Aleppo took it over and started selling sunglasses.

SPEAKER_01 17:28

But I was able one day, I was like, How do I get my thing back? I synced. It says, Do you want to get a video about it on my YouTube?

SPEAKER_00 17:37

You got your Facebook back.

SPEAKER_01 17:38

I got my Facebook back, and then the actual page where I'm like a celebrity comedian was hacked by someone in Thailand and grew my followers, but only in Thailand. So I've become pretty much a celebrity in Thailand.

SPEAKER_00 17:50

Have you ever looked into a Thai tour? Like you should have your manager look into whether or not out of nowhere there's secretly 30 to 50,000 Thai people who want to buy tickets to an Esther Steinberg show.

SPEAKER_01 18:02

I would go to Thailand and just roll the dice, risk it. Worst case scenario, I vacation there. Best case scenario, 90,000 people show up to an arena.

SPEAKER_00 18:11

I was gonna say when people roll the dice and risk it in Thailand, they're usually not talking about performing at a comedy show.

SPEAKER_01 18:18

But um, I well, I've that's yeah, that that I'm happy you're on Facebook. Can I pitch your social media really quick?

SPEAKER_00 18:28

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 18:29

Noah Gardenswartz is a very funny comedian who's been doing the jokes for 20 years. There is not like a single space to watch every single one of your jokes. There's not a single way, maybe Spotify, but to really enjoy all this material through the years, he is going and starting to release clips from different shows, and it's very enjoyable. Jokes you've never heard before, some you've heard, but a different angle, and this and that.

SPEAKER_00 18:58

Jokes you've never heard or jokes you've heard a million times, because a lot of clips that I'm putting up are old clips that I just never put online as I am waiting to put up the new material from the special that's coming.

SPEAKER_01 19:09

So can you guarantee no crowd work?

SPEAKER_00 19:12

I can't guarantee it, but you can assure yourself I'm not a crowd work comedian. If you start following me, you're not gonna get weekly clips of me going, so what do you guys do for a living? So, what we're gonna get is that's not how I operate jokes. What you're gonna get is great jokes from the years 2014 to 2019. Which is the greatest and you can study, you can study up on my old material while you wait for me to slowly meet out and release bits of the news special, hopefully in the next couple months, but definitely in the next six to eight months. Now, breaking away from ourselves, I know we typically talk from ourselves, but you came across a news story you were very interested in that you said you wanted to talk to me about today, and I would love to know what that is.

SPEAKER_01 19:54

It is now on the market, but people are currently buying it, it's happening, and that's the incredibly realistic sex robots, and they're not even calling them sex robots, they're calling them girlfriend humanoid robots. And one of the selling points is that they have the right body temperature of a human woman, which the right body temperature of a human woman.

SPEAKER_00 20:19

I feel like there's a million comedy routines devoted to the fact that there's no such thing as the right temperature for a woman because you guys are always cold.

SPEAKER_01 20:25

Uh but what's so funny, two things stand out to me when I was reading it, just like right away, it was like these things are selling $170,000 a pop. What?

SPEAKER_00 20:39

$170,000 a pop.

SPEAKER_01 20:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:42

Okay, I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say the kind of guy that has $170,000 to spend on whatever you want to call them. I can be a robot, whether you want to call it a humanoid. Whether you want to call him a sex robot or a girlfriend robot, whatever these dudes are using the robot for, if they have $170,000 to spend on it, they can go out and get a one. Do you disagree?

SPEAKER_01 21:03

That's what I'm trying to unpack here. Two things that are really, I think, selling points that I kept seeing in this little post. We could go into the details of what the robot does, but the post was like human body temperature, loyal. What the fuck? Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Those are the two selling points. It's like this Roomba vacuums and mops. This human robot temperature won't cheat on you.

SPEAKER_00 21:31

This room will not vacuum anyone else's house.

SPEAKER_01 21:34

And I've never really put myself on the pedestal for my body temperature. Like a lot of the times I'm like, does my hair look okay? Like, do you think I do you think my makeup's okay? Like now I'm gonna walk in a room and be like, 96.7 degrees.

SPEAKER_00 21:52

I believe 98.6 is what you actually should be. Do you truly not know? I mean, there was an entire Boy band in the height of your childhood devoted to the correct body temperature, and you somehow just fucked that up. Did you really just say 96.7? 98.6. 98.6 degrees. The band was 98 degrees. 98.6 degrees is what the human body temperature is supposed to be. So even if 75 degrees, as you said, for these robots is what they're set at, I don't know what the hell is going on.

SPEAKER_01 22:22

Do you think 98 degrees was really about the body temperature?

SPEAKER_00 22:26

Are you joking right now?

SPEAKER_01 22:28

That's what it was about.

SPEAKER_00 22:29

What in the hell else could it be about? Are you joking? You seriously did not know 98 degrees was in reference to the 98.6 degree body temperature.

SPEAKER_01 22:38

Why did they call him 98.6, Nick LaShay?

SPEAKER_00 22:41

Because apparently their fucking dumb female fans don't understand what the body temperature is anyway. Now you sings, please.

SPEAKER_01 22:48

Nay a song.

SPEAKER_00 22:50

Uh the invisible man. Invisible man, right? That was them?

SPEAKER_01 22:55

No, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 22:56

Baby to you.

SPEAKER_01 22:58

I am a little concerned about the robot girlfriends coming in. And if men are opting for robot girlfriends, I am hoping that we can overpower them by teaming up together and all the human women versus robot women.

SPEAKER_00 23:16

So your hope for robot women is finally having a unifying factor that will make women stop battling each other? Yeah. Your hope is that women are gonna come together as a unified force of human women to then take on the robot women? Yeah. Forgive me for being skeptical. I do not see women joining forces as you know what it's gonna be like? You remember that scene in Anchorman where the various newscasters were fighting? It's not gonna be robot women versus female women. There's just gonna be separate sections of different human women and different robot women now in a five-way brawl, all hating each other for various reasons.

SPEAKER_01 23:56

But there's no gonna be over like eight rich tech guys?

SPEAKER_00 23:59

Correct. There's not exactly there's there's gonna be eight rich losers that all the women and robot women are fighting for, but there will be there's not a robot on earth that can unify all women. Let me just say that.

SPEAKER_01 24:12

Or maybe are these women like enjoy your robot. Enjoy your robot. See how you like it. And it keeps saying loyal, loyal, loyal. Can I ask you a question?

SPEAKER_00 24:25

That robot's still gonna cheat.

SPEAKER_01 24:27

I cannot wait for the robots to cheat. 20 years from now, it was loyal.

SPEAKER_00 24:31

20 years from now, there's gonna be like the first homicide trial on a dude that murdered his cheating sex robot.

SPEAKER_01 24:38

My stance is still how is this robot going to be amazing when my printer still doesn't work? I'm on my 40th printer. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 24:48

I'm with you on that. Before we get to sex robots or normal robots, I stuck my dick in it. Can we well maybe you have it? Can we print?

SPEAKER_01 24:57

Yeah. Can she print?

SPEAKER_00 24:59

$170,000 to give me a sex robot that successfully prints my PDFs out of her pussy, I'll pay $170,000.

SPEAKER_01 25:08

That's all we're looking for. I want a printer. But yeah, I'm excited to see. I it might be good for women to get the what is it? It's like the burden off our backs to be like, yes, men are horny, but but but women don't want to have to be burdened with that.

SPEAKER_00 25:26

Here, $170,000 worth of I love that you also imagine there's a world where someone who just paid $170,000 for a robot has a loving woman in their life. The whole point is for men without a woman to understandingly go, here, honey, I'm tired tonight. I have a headache. Go fuck your 170 grand robot. That's those are two different scenarios. The man who has a $170,000 girlfriend robot does not have another woman in his life.

SPEAKER_01 25:58

Actually, I think he does have one, and he's like, you know what's a great way if I could save money, break up with my girlfriend, and buy one, and it cost me less money.

SPEAKER_00 26:10

All right, enough about robots. We are going to move on to this week in Vegas. You had a news story that piqued my interest.

SPEAKER_01 26:17

It does involve machines.

SPEAKER_00 26:19

Okay, nice transition.

SPEAKER_01 26:21

Uh so the news story is that last week a guy was at the Las Vegas airport, and he was playing with $10 at the slot machine, the Wheel of Fortune slot machine, and won $3.3 million at the airport.

SPEAKER_00 26:39

Good for you, sir. I salute you. I am a loud and proud gambler, and even I, as a loud and proud gambler, do not have the gall, the gumption, the lack of shame to put money into a Las Vegas airport machine, but you did it. You did it and you won. I think that's awesome. You also, every time, those are the most judged gamblers on earth. People judge gamblers in general, but I think universally, people getting off a flight in Las Vegas, seeing people actively playing the slots in the Vegas airport are like, oh, what is wrong with that person? It's either you're flying out somewhere and it's like, wow, you didn't get enough gambling out of your system that you need to gamble until the last second before you board your flight, or you just flew into Vegas and it's like, wow, you can't wait 30 minutes to get in a cab and get to your casino to gamble. So airport gambling is the lowest form of gambling, and yet this guy turned $10 into $3.3 million, which at the Seagates, which is truly remarkable. Well, guess what? From now on, we are flying out of one gate and one gate only, baby.

SPEAKER_01 27:44

Um, uh the your statement just now just unlocked something in me. So I look down upon all gamblers, and I walk by going, what is the matter with you? And that's my entire thing. But you're interesting because you somehow sit on a gambling pedestal of sorts, looking down on other gamblers, like as if you're not just all in one. It reminds me of Jews who keep a certain level of kosher, and they're like, we don't eat trafe, but it's you know, milk and meat, we don't care about someone's like meat.

SPEAKER_00 28:16

I was gonna take it much darker, like how there's a prison system where like there's the lowest form of criminals, and even murderers will look down on the street.

SPEAKER_01 28:25

Yeah, I'm gonna go with my analogy where someone's eating shellfish, going, sure, well, we don't do milk and meat.

SPEAKER_00 28:32

Well, yeah, but either way, whether or not I look down on airport gamblers, I will say, credit to you, sir. I'm glad that your $10 turned into three point. What was funny is you also told me that he missed his flight because he was filling out the paperwork and you sounded annoyed on his behalf as if it was a tragedy that he had to miss his flight. I'm like, he just won $3 million at the airport. He can buy a fucking another ticket. I know airline prices are high right now. I know gas is expensive even for the private jets if he wants to go that route, he'll be okay. He just won three mil, 1.5 after taxes.

SPEAKER_01 29:07

Thank you for clarifying. But yeah, what other airport has that kind of situation going on?

SPEAKER_00 29:12

None that I know of, but we will be visiting one if I hear it.

SPEAKER_01 29:17

Las Vegas news. That's not happening in Tampa, okay? Um, let's go.

SPEAKER_00 29:23

I I stumbled across one just because it's July, which is summer camp season for anyone that has kids or that went to summer camp, and I found an old joke that I wrote, which again, I don't even know if it's a joke so much as like a funny thought, but it was I went to Jewish summer camp for so long that I received more hand jobs and tents from girls named Rachel and Leah than our forefather Jacob, which I think is a it's a solid joke. I don't know that I could ever use it on stage. I also don't know that the average comedy audience member has the biblical knowledge to know that Jacob married Rachel and Leah, or that there are enough people that went to Jewish summer camp to understand the prevalence of like hand jobs in a tent.

SPEAKER_01 30:05

That's a flex.

SPEAKER_00 30:06

But I I think it's a funny joke for the right audience.

SPEAKER_01 30:10

That's a flex.

SPEAKER_00 30:11

But forget a flex, is it funny? Do you think I could work it into it?

SPEAKER_01 30:16

It's definitely funny in a story. You're telling a story, you're writing a story, you're in the middle of a bigger thing, and you're like, by the way, in case you don't know a summer camp happens, or you So it's like a throwaway laugh line. You break off, yes.

SPEAKER_00 30:33

It's a line to keep the momentum going in a longer bit.

SPEAKER_01 30:36

But you like the wording of no, it's a it's a great wording, it's very funny.

SPEAKER_00 30:40

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 30:41

You're just someone who usually has way more to unpack and way more to say.

SPEAKER_00 30:45

You I have reached my podcasting limit for the day.

SPEAKER_01 30:48

Let's plug out dates.

SPEAKER_00 30:50

Fine. That I can do.

SPEAKER_01 30:52

We got some dates.

SPEAKER_00 30:53

We do. We're going to the Dallas JCC September 3rd. Gonna be in the big D.

SPEAKER_01 31:01

Um, that is exciting.

SPEAKER_00 31:03

I'll be uh the Comedy Cellar at the Rio in Las Vegas August 3rd through the 9th. I'm headlining Jimmy Kimballs in Las Vegas, September 25th and 26th.

SPEAKER_01 31:11

August 29th, I'll be in Oklahoma City. Check it out. September 3rd, Dallas with No Garden Swords.

SPEAKER_00 31:18

And we're going to Tampa.

SPEAKER_01 31:19

Tampa, September 23rd.

SPEAKER_00 31:22

And then not to go to Busch Gardens to perform for the Jewish community.

unknown 31:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:27

Not at Busch Gardens in a very air-conditioned area. Um, and then I'm gonna be doing possibly Nashville in November. More dates and more details to come.

SPEAKER_00 31:39

So again, share this with a friend. Thank you for listening, liking, subscribing. Subscribe to my YouTube at Noah Garnathors Comedy and request to my Facebook.

SPEAKER_01 31:52

Alright. See you later.