Feng Shui and Nepobaby Athletes

Noah and Ester sit down on the couch and talk about their week, go over an insane Vegas News story, and go over some old jokes in joke yard.  

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

I cannot stand your weird pillow stuff.

SPEAKER_01 0:07

This pillow is the only way I will agree to continue doing this podcast. I must be able to sit comfortably while podcasting. The pillow is a non-negotiable. The one thing I will make amends on, though, is once again, last episode I heard that my nose breathing was a consistent nuisance. So today, as soon as I'm done speaking, I will hold the mic like that.

SPEAKER_00 0:29

Okay. I don't understand. It doesn't, I don't understand how the microphone is picking up your breathing. So the question is, are the mics weird? Is it a weird setting?

SPEAKER_01 0:40

Or do I just not know how to breathe like a normal human? I don't know. But either way, we can get into the episode. What's up?

SPEAKER_00 0:44

Oh, wait. I need to turn my abundance off.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

Okay, and we're back. You had to go turn off the abundance fountain. Is that what you just said?

SPEAKER_00 0:53

Because I'm manifesting abundance and it is working, baby.

SPEAKER_01 0:57

Is it? Are you feeling good? Are you feeling abundant?

SPEAKER_00 0:59

So I have a hysterious obsession with furniture. I feel like we've been in the house for a year and now I'm online and I'm like, you know, the coffee table could look better and the this. And of course, my Instagram algorithm is like showing me contemporary classical versus modern minimalism.

SPEAKER_01 1:20

Your algorithm is showing you, and then you will not stop showing me. I get 15 DMs a day from you with decor that Instagram is sending you, and it's starting to ruin my algorithm. So thank you for that.

SPEAKER_00 1:33

But the big shift in decor, since you're so very interested, is that millennials, and I think you can at least notice, have gone to beige and everything is beige. So now like the decor and interior home has been suffering from the beige-ness.

SPEAKER_01 1:52

Millennials not into color. Everything looks like a Malibu beach house. Minimal is beige, navy, sand, jute rugs. Which I like. I I find that pleasing to the eye. I don't mind a splash of color. Like you ordered pink curtains for us. Mauve.

SPEAKER_00 2:09

Velvet mauve curtains.

SPEAKER_01 2:10

You ordered something in the pink family that I think will provide a pop of color to the otherwise cream and brown and gray house. And I'm fine with it. I also don't care one way or another. If you got white curtains or beige curtains or green curtains, I would have been like, great. As long as it'll keep the reflection from the sun off of the TV when I'm watching games, put up whatever curtains you want.

SPEAKER_00 2:31

But there's a colorfulness that I think we're missing as a generation. And I actually think it's a reaction to boomers who have been decorating with, I'd say, maximalism instead of minimalism.

SPEAKER_01 2:45

100%. You are talking to the son of someone, my mom decorated the kitchen with so many different multicolored chotchkis. We had the giant jars. Do you remember there was the fad of like wooden fruits and vegetables that were like inside of an oil jar so it looked full? We had like a three-foot chili pepper jar in the middle of our counter with like little snapping turtles and cow salt and pepper shakers and the rooster kitchen. The collection of high heels. You had the actual rooster kitchen.

SPEAKER_00 3:18

We just had a lot of roosters in the kitchen. It was a ceramic rooster and a thing rooster and a picture of a rooster and then rooster oven mitts.

SPEAKER_01 3:27

And I was like Which is why now we chose to live inside of a beige sandbox.

SPEAKER_00 3:33

But now I'm like, oh, it doesn't have to be white, white, white, white. We can go. There was one interior designer that's like the secret tip to great interior design is have one red thing in the house.

SPEAKER_01 3:47

Here's the thing. I truly, I mean, listen, in general, I don't have a bunch of things I love. I have a few things I can't stand. So, like, as long as you stay within the borders of things I can tolerate, I let you go wild. I don't have strong opinions on the decor or the color of the house. My only ask is that things are clean and decluttered, and that is one thing that you are yet to deliver on.

SPEAKER_00 4:12

That's well, I believe in the feng shui of like having the entranceway very clean. That's what else is funny. It kills me if there's a sandal in the entranceway.

SPEAKER_01 4:20

And it kills me that I'm the one who has to keep the clean house. Like you and the boys have shit lying all over. I do all the dishes. I do all the dishes, I do all the laundry. In general, I am the organized one of the two of us. And yet, if I dare leave a slipper out by the front door, I get yelled at for affecting the feng shui.

SPEAKER_00 4:40

Correct. Because that's the money comes from the feng shui, and the entrance of the house needs to be clean, and it's the first thing when people walk. I will.

SPEAKER_01 4:49

So me, me accidentally leaving a left sandal and a right slipper out is going to affect the feng shui that will bring in the money that will allow you to provide the pop of color for the decor that you won't stop sending me on Instagram. Is that all right?

SPEAKER_00 5:01

And I think we need like I I just have a lot of ideas for the home decor, and it's annoying me how much it's like taken over my life.

SPEAKER_01 5:10

It's annoying you. I would like to second that notion.

SPEAKER_00 5:13

It's just nonstop.

SPEAKER_01 5:16

But the the one way I will say you have been abundant. You recently got an endorsement deal of sorts, huh? You are now a brand ambassador for Chutzbah Coffee.

SPEAKER_00 5:28

Chutzbah Coffee.

SPEAKER_01 5:30

And by endorsement deal. And by endorsement deal, I mean they sent you a free bag of coffee.

SPEAKER_00 5:36

Yeah, I get products and they're like, please make a reel and or whatever you want to do. And I feel like we were watching Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. They were like, oh yeah, this endorsement, I got $50,000. I was like, what? You didn't just get a bag of coffee? Well, I've been doing this all wrong.

SPEAKER_01 5:53

You are not a flexible 20-something who has given her life to Christ the way Reese has, which is that that is how you get the endorsement dollars in America.

SPEAKER_00 6:03

I think they're 22 or 23.

SPEAKER_01 6:06

DCC was a perfect show for us because it's tangentially related enough to Dallas Cowboys and the world of football to have piqued my interest, and it's all about cheerleading to pique your interest. And then there's just character development along the way that's good for both of us. So that's a show that we have both happily been able to co-op.

SPEAKER_00 6:27

It's not just it's cheerleading, it's ambition, and it's body dysmorphia. I mean, we are getting the big three the good stuff from this show. And of course, we have like head bitch in charge, Kelly, shout out to icon.

SPEAKER_01 6:39

Shout out Kelly Finglass. Love the Chris Jenner of the cheerleading world. That is a boss bitch if I've ever seen one. I respect the hell out of Kelly Finglass and Judy, her silent sidekick.

SPEAKER_00 6:48

I will say, like, when we were hanging out with my dad, who has like a touch of 1980s sexism misogyny, which is just a product of his uh time period.

SPEAKER_01 7:00

And autism.

SPEAKER_00 7:01

And autism. But the the way you were like, we watch this show, we like it. He was like, oh. And he had some things to say about cheerleaders, but I do respect you, Noah, for not watching it for any other reason, other than you're respecting the craft and the dances, and you actually make comments about like who who's kicks and who's gonna get cut, and you get into it like a real true feminist.

SPEAKER_01 7:27

I I appreciate that. I do watch it as a viewer first and foremost. I will say to betray the trust you've just bestowed upon me. The reason I'm not a misogynist in watching it is none of them have a body type to my liking. There's not a single juicy ass on that entire cheerleading squad. Beautiful women, elite athletes, impressive people. So I am I am doing nothing to belittle the accomplishments of all the DCC cheerleaders.

SPEAKER_00 7:52

Obviously, it makes me feel good that you're not like, God, there's so yes, but it does remind me of what I was complaining about last night a little bit. Can we talk about that?

SPEAKER_01 8:01

Do you want to set the stage of last night's argument or shall I?

SPEAKER_00 8:04

Are we gonna talk about what I like men making nitpicks of women?

SPEAKER_01 8:10

That's not at all what I was going into.

SPEAKER_00 8:12

Well, in general, I just have a theory that men are all ugly and don't work out as a as a gender, as a gener, unless you're gay, but straight men are just not cute and they don't try and they don't dress nice. And then it it as a broad, as a broad gender, and then women as a broad gender are slaying, and they're and every straight guy has a thousand nitpicks on every single woman, where I'm just like, bro, like I get it together.

SPEAKER_01 8:43

I once again will jump into say I think women are far more nitpicky about other women and other women's looks than men. Men will fuck a cardboard box with a hole, women criticize the shit out of each other for whatever they do. And furthermore, the only thing I said to you, while I don't disagree with your assessment that by and large, men as a gender are not putting in the effort to be great looking, I do think as long as we're taking Botox and cosmetic surgery out of the equation, in general, I do feel like men age better than women.

SPEAKER_00 9:13

Which is hilarious because if you were to take Botox out of the equation, sorry, it's in the equation. Makeup, Botox, Pilates is part of the equation. That's not the fight.

SPEAKER_01 9:23

None of that was the conversation we had. None of that was the conversation we actually had last night. Last night, I was invited as a guest of a friend to an event for Jewish athletes. There was a Jewish networking athlete event. There was a Jewish athlete networking event around NBA Summer League. And I wasn't invited. You weren't uninvited. I just didn't ask if you could come along because neither of us wanted to pay for a babysitter for you to come like eat or d'oeuvres and stare at me talking to Jewish athletes. So anyway, I go to this event and I ended up meeting some really, really impressive people, many of whom were active college athletes that were there to network or meet with other entrepreneurs that may be able to help them in their brand. One of the people I met with just socially was someone who started a company that's helping Jewish college athletes get NIL deals with Jewish brands. So, for instance, he was responsible for Jake Retzlaff, the Jewish quarterback at BYU, getting a deal with Manashevitz. That's the kind of stuff they do. So I ended up meeting these two young women who play college lacrosse, one at Michigan, one at Maryland. So, like incredibly big D1 programs, impressive young ladies. One of them wants to go into physical therapy afterwards, one of them wants to become a sports agent. And literally the entire time I'm talking to them, I'm talking about how my wife, I mentioned my wife a million times, how my wife and kids live in Vegas with me, and how my wife would love that I was meeting these impressive young Jewish women. They were literally right up your alley. And then I come home and tell my wife, she I come home and you're like, How was the event? I was like, it was great. I met these two young, very impressive college lacrosse players, and you go, Oh yeah, what do their pussies smell like? Like immediately jumped into jealousy.

SPEAKER_00 11:09

No, that wasn't the words. You said I met these very impressive uh female college athlete girls.

SPEAKER_01 11:17

And I was like, first of all, I didn't say female college athlete girls, but again, even if that was the wording, what in that is incriminating? I met these impressive young female athletes.

SPEAKER_00 11:28

College.

SPEAKER_01 11:29

Nothing about that is objective, it could not have been more respectful.

SPEAKER_00 11:35

Of course it was respectful. Of course it was wonderful, of course they were impressive. However, just try to picture you are a Jewish wife, and your husband's like, Oh, I had a best night. I hung out with women in college who are athletes.

SPEAKER_01 11:51

And talked about you the entire time. I I could not believe that your gut reaction was to be jealous instead of like instead of being like, good for you. I am so proud that you are supporting women in sports and Jewish women in sports, and I'm so glad that you came home to tell me that you were telling them about me. But instead, it was what are their pussies smell like? I was like, oh my god, how vulgar and inappropriate.

SPEAKER_00 12:15

Last night I was hanging out with these guys, they were so impressive, really, really tall, handsome, like college basketball players.

SPEAKER_01 12:23

I never said beautiful, so you can't say handsome. One of them was cute, one of them was not, but either way, they were look either way.

SPEAKER_00 12:33

We were literally night I hung out with these college athlete guys, and they were really impressive.

SPEAKER_01 12:41

Oh, yeah, how big were their dicks. That is never where my mind would go. I'd be like, awesome, who did they play for? What are their names? And then I would go look up their stats and see if I want to follow them on IG to get betting tips.

SPEAKER_00 12:51

Well, the difference between me and you is that I don't like sports.

SPEAKER_01 12:57

So maybe that's why you didn't respect these stunning, gorgeous, voluptuous female Jewish avenue.

SPEAKER_00 13:03

College, age hot, co-way. I'm gonna tell you right now, college was the problem.

SPEAKER_01 13:11

And and what's so funny to me also is that these college girls last time. I was wearing like khakis in a polo. I look nice, but I think my as far as attractiveness, I think my best years are probably. So much better when you take out both from the as far as being a viable sexual option. So it's also funny that like these women were talking to my friend and I, who also is a married father of two in his 40s, losing his hair, like they could not have been looking at us more as like a fatherly, mentorly old Jewish man role. Like, there was nothing about the energy or the appearance I was putting off that made me a viable sexual partner for this 19 and 20 year old college lacrosse player.

SPEAKER_00 13:56

Now you're making it work even worse, being like, don't worry, they were out of my league.

SPEAKER_01 14:00

I'm just saying there was nothing about the dynamic from my end or their end that was anything other than like a couple of Jews doing what we were supposed to do at this Jewish networking event. You forget, which was complaining about the food. Come on, you just stepped on a really good joke.

SPEAKER_00 14:16

Let's do it again. No, let's run it back.

SPEAKER_01 14:18

Nope. Nope.

SPEAKER_00 14:19

Which was complaining about the food.

SPEAKER_01 14:21

Yeah, you ruined it. I had a real solid delivery, it was, and then you just fucked it all up. But anyway, go on.

SPEAKER_00 14:29

I'm so sorry.

SPEAKER_01 14:30

It's okay, we're leaving it in.

SPEAKER_00 14:32

I think you forget that you're six foot four at a Jewish event and you forget how gorgeous you are.

SPEAKER_01 14:38

And I for think you forget that it was a Jewish athlete's event. So six four was actually the bare minimum of most of the men there that weren't there pitching their app or their business. All the athletes were like between six four to six eight, six ten. It was an impressive height gathering of Jews, I'll give you that much.

SPEAKER_00 14:54

There we go. I had I there's not a lot of times in our relationship which we're about, we're like going on 10 years that I like you can see that I'm actively jealous and mad. But there was one time very early on in our relationship where you were hanging out with someone and you were like, you can't come. And it was a friend getting together with you or a female friend.

SPEAKER_01 15:21

A friendship date. It was a longtime friend that I hadn't seen in a while. There was nothing nefarious about it, and I couldn't have been more honest and open about the fact that I was going to see this female friend where we were hanging out, and lo and behold, that night, what happens? You show up at the venue to also hang out with your friend. You and Amina Amani show up to like chaperone this friend hang. It was abysmal behavior. Shame on you to this day.

SPEAKER_00 15:50

You don't know what I ordered. Wait. Do you remember?

SPEAKER_01 15:53

I ordered like 20 hot wings and was just Which, by the way, if I was sitting with you while you were eating the hot wings, we never would have made it to 10 years of relationship. I can promise you that.

SPEAKER_00 16:03

Oh, well, we're writing a movie and it's really exciting. It's really happening. And it's funny because we're at the nitty-gritty.

SPEAKER_01 16:12

Yeah, we're not writing. We wrote a movie that is getting made.

SPEAKER_00 16:15

It's been four years in the making, and there's been edits and cuts and edits and cuts and edits and cuts.

SPEAKER_01 16:21

Contracts finally got signed, deals finally got done. And so last night we had a meeting with the financier who was giving us notes from the line producer on literally, like, okay, here's how we're gonna live within the budget. Here are locations or characters we might need to alter or get rid of to make things more affordable. And one of the things they mentioned, without giving too much, there is a funny sex scene that may or may not involve a goat. And they were talking about the logistics and the cost of not only having a physical goat, but having to hire a goat trainer to be present on staff.

SPEAKER_00 16:52

And the director was like, as someone who's worked with a goat, they are not good to work with.

SPEAKER_01 16:59

And one of the people we wrote the movie with.

SPEAKER_00 17:02

Three people said, I'm fine. I said, you know what? I'm fine.

SPEAKER_01 17:06

All of us were like, we probably don't need a goat, or maybe we can have an easier animal to work with. And the one guy who could not be more easygoing, more passive in 95% of situations, put his foot down and was like, No, the goat is hilarious. It must be a goat. We have to have a goat. Like, we've been working together on this movie for four years, and I can't think of one single thing he has pushed back on or really fought hard about.

SPEAKER_00 17:30

So he tried, but he said, What about like just a goat noise? And he was like, He drew We need the goat.

SPEAKER_01 17:35

A hard line in the sand. This was the one stance he's taken in four years. Must have a physical goat that will be seen on camera.

SPEAKER_00 17:43

But then the text chain actually put a numerical value on it. It's like, if it's gonna cost more than $3,000 to get the goat, we're not gonna get the goat. But like under three, we can get the goat.

SPEAKER_01 17:54

He seemed passionate enough that I feel like he'd come out of his own pocket to the book.

SPEAKER_00 17:58

I'm writing the goat check right now.

SPEAKER_01 18:00

The exciting thing is, again, in this business, you never know what's at like I feel nervous even talking about the fact that we're going to make the movie because literally until Keenahora. Literally until we are done seeing the movie at the premiere, will I fully believe that it's happening, happened, and it's okay to talk about. But we've been, we've written various movies over the years and made it through various steps that ultimately didn't pan out. This is by far the farthest we have made it along the process, the most official it feels, and I feel very confident that this movie's gonna get made. And now after yesterday's call, I feel very confident that a GOAT will be in the scene.

SPEAKER_00 18:37

I think I agree with you. Like, we don't want to keen a horror, you don't want to like jump too far ahead, but I think it's also okay, certainly privately, to celebrate each step. So the first draft, you can get celebrated. We attach the director. That's a celebration.

SPEAKER_01 18:53

117 people listening, baby.

SPEAKER_00 18:56

I mean, it it's it's a funny, exciting moment, and I think in general, there's also a psychological thing where you don't want to tell people your goals because you get the dopamine of telling someone I'm gonna be uh blah blah blah. And so you actually want to keep it all inside to help motivate you to keep going. It almost feels like I don't want to do jokes that I did online, like I don't want to post a joke online because I need to hold it inside for the special.

SPEAKER_01 19:31

Yeah, I mean, I think that's more of people losing the thrill of comedy, is very dependent on the misdirection and not seeing what's coming. So once they know the punchline, the thrill is kind of gone. Unless unless it's a joke that involves like an act out or a funny face that's gonna be funny every time. But if it's like a punchline that comes out of left field, once they've seen online, they're not gonna laugh the same way if they see it in person for the first time. So at least that's why I try not to post jokes online that I'm actively waiting to be part of a bigger project, aka my special that is hopefully coming out at some point.

SPEAKER_00 20:03

But then it's interesting because it's like, oh, I posted this clip today and a clip tomorrow because that's the industry that we're in. We have to post. But what the clip, the jokes that you're seeing, is not the jokes I'm currently honing, it's not the joke because the current honing has to be for when I'm filming, which is in January.

SPEAKER_01 20:21

But speaking of just clips and online, one bone I have to pick with you as going back to the beginning of the episode where you send me realistically, probably 10 to 15 instant direct messages a day of shit you want me to see. Whether it's told me to well, I told you, I told you sometimes you're posting way too much bullshit, and that and so you're like, fine, well, I have to send it somewhere. And I was like, fine, send it to me. I'm not talking about the stuff that you're sending just to get out of your system so you don't waste the mass public's time with it. I'm talking about things you actively want me to see that I'm not necessarily interested in, aka the decor videos, or whatever the new viral dance was that you kept on sending me that ruined my algorithm for a day.

SPEAKER_00 21:02

Drop bombs.

SPEAKER_01 21:02

But I I never send you anything. And last night I was so excited to share a video with you and you refused to watch it. Was it midnight and were you already asleep in bed? Yes, but that's not the point. I was having a mini picture. I was having the lights were off. I was in a creative manic episode. I was working on the final touches of the script after the notes we got, and I found a video to be incredibly inspiring, and I wanted to share it with you.

SPEAKER_00 21:31

What did you walk into?

SPEAKER_01 21:33

I walked into you sleeping in a dark room. When I say it out loud in that context, yes, it's it's a little unfair. I wanted to wake you up and show you this video to be inspired.

SPEAKER_00 21:47

Turn the lights on and said, watch this video. And I said no. No.

SPEAKER_01 21:53

In no uncertain terms, you said no. And now, again, as I relay it out loud, that is fair. However You have not asked to see it the next day. We are now 12 hours into the next day and you haven't seen it. But anyway, there's this video. Have you heard you're actually pretty up on music far more than I am? Do you know of Maggie Rogers?

SPEAKER_00 22:12

No. Who the fuck is she? And what does her pussy smell like?

SPEAKER_01 22:17

Maggie Rogers is a singer-songwriter that went to NYU. She was a gorgeous college girl. She went to NYU and there was a it actually happened nine years ago.

SPEAKER_00 22:26

It was until that Botox didn't kick in.

SPEAKER_01 22:29

She, the video is nine years old. I think I saw it for the first time four or five years ago, and it's one of those videos that like every few years it resurfaces, and every time I see it, I have to watch it because I find it so like moving. Where she was a senior year in musical production, and she got called into her class. It was the master class where people basically had to present their final project, and they were not told that Pharrell would be there. Okay. And so you see her like so incredibly nervous to present this music that come to find out she had just made three days ago because she was having like an entire years-long writer's block and hadn't made any new music, and they threatened to fail her if she didn't have a song ready. So she like brought this song that she did in three days, and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, she's playing next to Pharrell, and it is an incredible song. And within 15 seconds, you can see Pharrell like he's like holding back his excitement because upon first note, you can see this musical genius instantly hearing that he is hearing new musical genius, and watching her watch Pharrell love her new creation in real time as an artist is incredibly moving and inspiring to me. And then come to find out 10 years later she's now a megastar. But it all started from this video of like seeing the moment where a musical genius recognized a musical genius, and it also just kind of goes to show you never know what the thing is or what the moment is gonna be.

SPEAKER_00 23:55

I went to NYU.

SPEAKER_01 23:57

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 23:58

Steven Spielberg was never in the back of the theater while we were talking about the.

SPEAKER_01 24:03

Why is this about you?

SPEAKER_00 24:04

I was trying to be funny for a second. You told me that Pharrell was with this girl who's at NYU college. I went to NYU college. I didn't get any celebrity drop-ins, which is not true because there was a few, but it was a joke.

SPEAKER_01 24:19

Okay, well, let this be a lesson to all of our viewers that comedy, first and foremost, is about timing. And I think your timing was like, there's not great.

SPEAKER_00 24:28

Can I say something? I'm a bad person. I suck. I am I'm gonna retire from being alive.

SPEAKER_01 24:35

You're the best person I know. You're wonderful. I guess the reason I'm disappointed is because this is so unlike you. You are such a supportive, joyful, wonderful champion of people that I don't know where this recent surge of I don't like the song.

SPEAKER_00 24:50

I feel happy.

SPEAKER_01 24:52

Well, yeah, this isn't about Pharrell. I fucking hate that song. We can agree on that. No one feels happy when they hear Pharrell's happy song. It's an annoying song. Okay, so for this week in Vegas, you got a juicy story.

SPEAKER_00 25:07

Yeah, so it says as an interesting, a former Las Vegas little league president is accused of stealing nearly $65,000 from a youth baseball league, spending money on strip clubs, casinos, erectile dysfunction pills, tequila, sports betting, and PlayStation purchases. The league reportedly almost had to cancel its season.

SPEAKER_01 25:33

Almost had to cancel. Almost that that wasn't the nail in the coffin for the I will say, sad story, awful. I hate when people are shitty to kids and certainly youth sports, but like that was the most vague use of the money I've ever heard. I also think it's funny that they threw PlayStation games in there at the end. Like after strippers, tequila, boner pills, and PlayStation games.

SPEAKER_00 26:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:01

That's wild.

SPEAKER_00 26:02

Well, I'll tell you why they didn't have to retire because every coach had the rock hard dick and enthusiasm to really make it through the season. How much are erectile dysfunction pills? I thought that the insurance covered them.

SPEAKER_01 26:18

Thankfully, I have not had to delve into those waters yet. I don't know. But I I mean it sucks that he's stealing from youth baseball, but also youth sports has just become a scam in general. I've I've been really, really disappointed by the state of youth sports. It's become a huge talking point in the World Cup because everyone keeps on talking about like, why is America, this huge country full of amazing athletes, so bad at soccer? And it's not just because we don't emphasize soccer the way we do football, baseball, basketball in this country, but it's because the money, the it's basically only the rich kids who can afford to play club sports now, which is kind of the way it's become in basketball, football, like AAU and all the youth sports has become a huge cash grab. And unfortunately, there's bad characters and people of bad faith that are coming in and taking up the money. But I didn't know they were necessarily going hangover style with what they do with their stealing. So that's uh that's an interesting story.

SPEAKER_00 27:12

I hear you, and that's a very serious issue. Rich kids are not as good as other kids at sports.

SPEAKER_01 27:21

Typically, I mean, well, now you have the second generation, like what's happening now in sports across the board is the second generation athletes of professional athletes who made millions that now not only have the good genes to pass on to their children, but also the resources for like elite coaching and elite programs. So now you're getting a lot of you're getting a lot of Nepo baby athletes like Brawny, your favorite. Um, but yeah, that's that's a bummer of a story, but also kind of funny, which is perfect for Vegas. Funny and a bummer at the same time.

SPEAKER_00 27:49

Jersey sells well.

SPEAKER_01 27:51

I do not.

SPEAKER_00 27:52

Would it be funny if I wore a Brawny jersey around?

SPEAKER_01 27:55

I honestly don't know that you can buy a Brawny jersey without a special order. Like you can't go to the NBA store and buy.

SPEAKER_00 28:01

I do special order jerseys.

SPEAKER_01 28:03

That's true. All right. Uh, what do you got for jokeyard? Jersey.

SPEAKER_00 28:05

Would it just say LeBron? What's his number?

SPEAKER_01 28:07

LeBron is 23.

SPEAKER_00 28:09

It would say James 19.

SPEAKER_01 28:12

Well, I bet no, I believe. I believe I I actually am not sure if it says James Jr. because he is technically LeBron James Jr. Everyone calls him Bronny and he's number nine. That's a good question. We're gonna have to look it up. It might be James Jr. I don't think it's James, but anyway.

SPEAKER_00 28:27

And he's leaving the Lakers.

SPEAKER_01 28:29

LeBron is leaving the Lakers. It is yet to be determined what's gonna happen with Bronny.

SPEAKER_00 28:33

I want that Bronny jersey.

SPEAKER_01 28:35

All all of the teams that are basically making their pitch to LeBron to come join them this season, all of them have agreed that like they will trade for Bronny if that's a deal breaker for LeBron. If he does want to spend his final season with his son, they will do what they have to do to make it happen and bring his son on the roster, which is sweet and fucked up all at the same time. Um, all right, jokeyard. We're running out of time. I actually didn't even prepare a jokeyard. Last week I don't think you did one, so this week is just gonna be your jokeyard.

SPEAKER_00 29:03

Okay, this is good. Um I love living in Las Vegas, but there's one thing really funny about this city. In other cities, when everyone's like, hey, we're gonna go to the lake, it's gonna be fun, we'll do a picnic. In this city, if someone's like, we're doing a trip to Lake Mead, you have to wonder, do I owe someone money? It is a major threat if someone says, Let's take a trip to the lake.

SPEAKER_01 29:30

I like that. Implying like the mafia usually back in the day used to take people to the lake.

SPEAKER_00 29:38

I have another one. No, it's a very short, quick, quick, quick. I love being close with my husband, but he is full of boundaries. Hanging out with my husband is like being on portrait mode. Move further away.

SPEAKER_01 29:53

That that I like better. Maybe it's just because it's personally written for me, but yeah, that's good.

SPEAKER_00 29:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 30:01

But okay, so both of those got a smile instantly. Like they're both funny, but I do feel like as happened so many times in Jokeyard, especially with the jokes I brought out, where it's like, oh, that's a funny tweet, or that's a funny passing aside to get a quick chuckle within a bigger chunk. I don't think either of those are good enough to be standalone jokes, nor are they interesting enough to be like the start of a larger premise. But if you can find a way to wedge them into whatever you're doing at the time to get a quick 10-second ha ha, I think they're decent filler jokes. They're funny enough on standalone value.

SPEAKER_00 30:34

If I was to talk about my husband in a bigger joke, and I say also whenever I try to get close to him, it feels like portrait mode because he's always like move further away.

SPEAKER_01 30:49

Perfect. I love that. I think you're gonna have a much easier time working that into your material than the Lake Mead joke.

SPEAKER_00 30:54

No, because I'm like, there's no dress code here. That's true. So you got a lot of Vegas material.

SPEAKER_01 30:58

Okay, so yeah, I I think they're both ready to go.

SPEAKER_00 31:05

The lake one inside drink outside.

SPEAKER_01 31:07

But I know the way your mind works on stage. The the Lake one is gonna get wordy if you don't decide exactly what you want to say. Like, that's one that you need to write out word for word and just memorize it because otherwise you're gonna go off on some tangent about lakes and fuck up the whole point.

SPEAKER_00 31:19

Lakes, am I right?

SPEAKER_01 31:21

But yeah, like Vegas is the only city where let's go to the lake is a threat, not a promise or something like that.

SPEAKER_00 31:27

That's not a fun day trip.

SPEAKER_01 31:29

Yeah. Yeah. All right. I like it. Anyway, uh, we're gonna go reflect. I'm going to continue supporting women. Esther is going to start supporting women.

SPEAKER_00 31:41

Stop it.

SPEAKER_01 31:41

And on next week's episode, she's gonna report back about how much she loves the incredibly authentic unstage version of Maggie Rogers being discovered.

SPEAKER_00 31:51

Women have to be perfect, and now we have to like be on the defense of supporting other women. Men are not always in question. Like, are you supportive of other men? Are you a hater? Are you a hater of men or are you supportive of men?

SPEAKER_01 32:03

That's because we're just indifferent altogether.

SPEAKER_00 32:07

I'm ho I support men.

SPEAKER_01 32:10

And we thank you for that.

SPEAKER_00 32:13

We have dates coming up. I will be in Oklahoma City August 29th.

SPEAKER_01 32:19

We have I'm still I'm at the Comedy Cellar at the Rio in Las Vegas, August 3rd through the 9th, and we're at the Dallas JCC September 3rd. I'm headlining Jimmy Kimmel's in Vegas, September 25th and 26th. And before that, you and I are in Tampa.

SPEAKER_00 32:34

September 3rd.

SPEAKER_01 32:35

No, September 23rd. September 3rd is Dallas.

SPEAKER_00 32:37

Got it.

SPEAKER_01 32:38

September 3rd, Dallas, September 23rd, Tampa. Hope to see you there.

SPEAKER_00 32:44

Yeehaw.