SPEAKER_03: No heads up at all.
SPEAKER_03: And that was awesome.
SPEAKER_03: And I just felt from the Lord.
SPEAKER_03: Hey, get her up here.
SPEAKER_03: Um, so right now, uh understand when we get when we hear a testimony, that's not just for us to celebrate, but it's to it's to activate faith.
SPEAKER_03: It's to activate faith.
SPEAKER_03: Hey, maybe God won't will heal me.
SPEAKER_03: What you do is if you have any physical ailment, emotional ailment, mental ailment, anything off balance, anything you feel like it's not working how it should, I just want you to lift up your hands like this to receive.
SPEAKER_03: Father, I thank you for this testimony that has been shared, Father.
SPEAKER_03: I thank you, Lord, that your word says that by your stripes, Lord, that you you were whipped brutally, like organs, bones showing, like it was very brutal, it was excruciating pain.
SPEAKER_03: That by your stripes we are healed, Father.
SPEAKER_03: That you purchase that, Lord, and we just say, Father, we ask for healing right now over our physical bodies, Lord, over backs, over the spine, Father, over nervous system, over shoulders, Father, over the hip alignments, Father, all the muscles and tendons, Father, for deafness, blindness, we say restored eyesight, from from ailments of like heart attacks, past heart attacks, strokes, we say all the remnants of those things be gone and be we ask for full healing and restoration now.
SPEAKER_03: Even I speak to the thing of the mind, Lord, where the mind is is losing its way, it's losing memory, losing brain cells.
SPEAKER_03: I don't I'm not a doctor, I don't know the terms.
SPEAKER_03: We said, let there be supernatural restoration to people's minds, to their thoughts, Father.
SPEAKER_03: We say, even their sleep, Father, um, that's a big one for people.
SPEAKER_03: Just sleep.
SPEAKER_03: You haven't been able to sleep well almost for like years, Lord.
SPEAKER_03: I thank you that you're the God who heals in the name of Jesus.
SPEAKER_03: We claim that, Father.
SPEAKER_03: We claim that because you purchased it, Lord.
SPEAKER_03: Get what you purchased in the mighty name of Jesus.
SPEAKER_03: Everybody said, Amen.
SPEAKER_03: God is good, isn't he?
SPEAKER_03: He is good all the time.
SPEAKER_03: My mother, um, she went to be with the Lord not too long ago.
SPEAKER_03: I miss her a lot.
SPEAKER_03: And she was a mighty woman of God, and she always told me, she said, The Lord is always good, David.
SPEAKER_03: That is your response and understanding.
SPEAKER_03: The Lord is always good no matter what you go through, no matter the discourages, the discourages, um, the losses or anything like that.
SPEAKER_03: God is always good.
SPEAKER_03: That has stuck with me for forever.
SPEAKER_03: Anytime something as hard is happening, I start saying, Lord, you're good.
SPEAKER_03: You're always good.
SPEAKER_03: Thank you, Jesus.
SPEAKER_03: Um, we are continuing.
SPEAKER_03: This is going to be our last message on the marriage series.
SPEAKER_03: Have y'all been enjoying the marriage series?
SPEAKER_03: Uh, we had to skip a couple weeks because we uh announced a name change and like a prophetic revelation over our destinies and stuff, so kind of important.
SPEAKER_03: And um, I forget what else did we do?
SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah, we had a brother Larry Sparks here who was here last week for that.
SPEAKER_03: That was awesome, wasn't it?
SPEAKER_03: Um, it really was, and I feel like there was a spiritual deposit into our church, a deposit of revival.
SPEAKER_01: Church in the dark.
SPEAKER_01: I don't want the spotlight, Lord.
SPEAKER_01: Okay, I'll take it away.
SPEAKER_01: No, I'm just kidding, Lord.
SPEAKER_03: Um I uh I use a I I'm getting into like AI and all that stuff.
SPEAKER_03: I'm a computer engineer by trade, so I'm super interested in this, and I use AI sometimes to make my images for when I preach.
SPEAKER_03: And so I just told AI, I said, listen, take the Bible into account, you know, and how women are supposed to treat their husbands and make an image of what that looks like.
SPEAKER_03: It did make the person look like Sylvester Shalom.
SPEAKER_03: It did that on my last one, too.
SPEAKER_03: I don't know what it is about Sylvester Sallone.
SPEAKER_03: There has to be something prophetic there.
SPEAKER_03: It's either Rambo, Rocky.
SPEAKER_03: I love that.
SPEAKER_03: I love that stuff.
SPEAKER_03: Um, so this is funny, okay.
SPEAKER_03: I'm not trying to be serious, um, a little serious on that.
SPEAKER_03: Um, I'm gonna be honest, most of your husbands, when they saw that, they thought to themselves, they probably wouldn't tell you this.
SPEAKER_03: They probably thought, yes.
SPEAKER_03: That's all I've been wanting, honey.
SPEAKER_03: I told I showed my wife that yesterday, and she goes, Oh, look, it's a picture of David in a dress.
SPEAKER_03: That was funny, I'll give you that.
SPEAKER_03: Um, first thing, we don't do that here.
SPEAKER_03: Unless we're having an Irish party, then it's okay, but they're called kilts.
SPEAKER_03: Oh, is that Scottish?
SPEAKER_03: Oh, my bad, sorry.
SPEAKER_03: They're all the same.
SPEAKER_03: Ireland's got are they not?
SPEAKER_00: You say that about my homeland.
SPEAKER_00: You don't know where we came from.
SPEAKER_00: We have to fight the kings.
SPEAKER_00: Braveheart, what was that?
SPEAKER_00: Ireland?
SPEAKER_00: Scotland?
SPEAKER_00: I love that movie too.
SPEAKER_00: Let me take our land.
SPEAKER_00: I want to get some blue paint on my face.
SPEAKER_03: Thank you, Jesus.
SPEAKER_03: Um, this whole marriage series, God is up to something, he's doing something real in people's lives.
SPEAKER_03: And um, anytime God is doing something real, the enemy is there to steal, kill, and destroy, to deceive, to try to rob.
SPEAKER_03: Okay, this is just the nature of the spiritual warfare that we're all in.
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
SPEAKER_03: The enemy wants you asleep.
SPEAKER_03: Um, there's actually a strategy that people use to have peace in their life, and that is they don't go for God.
SPEAKER_03: And it's an it's it's a temporary strategy.
SPEAKER_03: The enemy will allow you to have peace in your life if you just don't run after God with everything.
SPEAKER_03: Don't answer his call.
SPEAKER_03: Like make a plan for your life, plan it out, do what's comfortable, and you'll get by.
SPEAKER_03: And you probably won't have a lot of spiritual warfare, okay?
SPEAKER_03: You'll have the enemy robbed from you, and you might even just learn to get used to that.
SPEAKER_03: But the moment you say yes to God, see, this is what um you said something, you said that this was dangerous, what's happening.
SPEAKER_03: That's absolutely true.
SPEAKER_03: God is reviving an army.
SPEAKER_03: Why do you need an army for warfare?
SPEAKER_03: God is reviving men.
SPEAKER_03: Things are gonna get messy.
SPEAKER_03: Meant like the warriors are standing up.
SPEAKER_03: They said, I ain't letting the enemy steal from me anymore.
SPEAKER_03: And all of a sudden the enemy's like, okay, you want to fight?
SPEAKER_03: Maybe that's why it's shown Rocky.
SPEAKER_03: You don't give up.
SPEAKER_03: God's doing something.
SPEAKER_03: Um, in the weeks that we've been preaching this and what's been happening, even with the name change, I personally have been going through spiritual warfare.
SPEAKER_03: I've been having nightmares and weird things, and I've just, it's just been, I've been praying, and we have a lot of people here praying and covering me.
SPEAKER_03: And I thank you, mountain movers.
SPEAKER_03: What up?
SPEAKER_03: If y'all are if y'all are here and available on Tuesdays at 12 and y'all want to experience some revival fire, show up at the church at 12.
SPEAKER_03: Mountain movers, they are moving mountains.
SPEAKER_03: But I have a lot of people who I know are praying and contending and covering this church, the leadership here.
SPEAKER_03: I'm very grateful for that.
SPEAKER_03: But nevertheless, that doesn't mean we're spared from spiritual warfare.
SPEAKER_03: So it's interesting.
SPEAKER_03: Last night, I didn't even tell you this, last night, um, actually, as I was waking up early this morning, I always get up early on Sunday to pray and really just get locked in.
SPEAKER_03: You know, Lord, what do you want to do?
SPEAKER_03: But last night um I had this dream, it was a very odd dream.
SPEAKER_03: I was sitting there, I don't remember this the scenario, but Catherine was there and she was about right where she is, and all of a sudden, these two um kind of like prettier ladies walk up and I'm facing this way, and they come and they sit down right behind me on my back and they nudge up against me.
SPEAKER_03: And I'm sitting there and I'm looking at Catherine, I said, Whoa, and I look at her and then I get up from that.
SPEAKER_03: When they did this, I felt she said, Good job.
SPEAKER_03: But there was a thing, what I felt was is that they were trying to warm up to me.
SPEAKER_03: They were trying to, you know what I'm saying, to get me to cheat on my wife.
SPEAKER_03: They were trying to deceive me, alright?
SPEAKER_03: That's I was like, it was icky.
SPEAKER_03: Um, so I got up and I come right to Catherine, and these ladies don't like that.
SPEAKER_03: So all of a sudden they tell their friend, who's this big country looking dude, to go deal with me, and he comes up and tries to fight me.
SPEAKER_03: And um I punch him in the face.
SPEAKER_03: And then I tell Catherine, run.
SPEAKER_03: Because that's how I roll.
SPEAKER_03: But what's interesting is I woke up and I was disturbed from this.
SPEAKER_03: It was real weird, and I didn't have like peace this morning, and there was like a heaviness, and I understand what's going on.
SPEAKER_03: I'm like, we're hitting a marriage thing.
SPEAKER_03: The enemy's not happy about this, and it was very interesting.
SPEAKER_03: I felt this was a Jezebel themed thing.
SPEAKER_03: A Jezebel's gonna come to manipulate you.
SPEAKER_03: Okay, it's not just women, but it's gonna come to manipulate you and then intimidate you.
SPEAKER_03: And God is God is addressing the Jezebel spirit in the marriages in church, the church marriages.
SPEAKER_03: That because of culture, what because we of modern psychology, what we've been taught, a lot of wives in particular have felt justified entertaining to Jezebel's spirit, trying to run their home, trying to control their husbands, being disrespectful, showing contempt.
SPEAKER_03: And God is bringing revival to marriages.
SPEAKER_03: Understand, anytime you see revival, what happens first is you see repentance.
SPEAKER_03: A repentance is owning up for your personal faults, not owning up for the faults of your spouse.
SPEAKER_03: Today is going to be a difficult message for me personally.
SPEAKER_03: I have been contending for this.
SPEAKER_03: There's been like a I'm like, Lord, uh, you are doing something profound today, and I need your help.
SPEAKER_03: This is going to be a difficult message because A, I'm a man.
SPEAKER_03: You are ladies.
SPEAKER_03: I have there's so many things.
SPEAKER_03: You know, it's I was looking at Catherine's, you know, just taking care of our baby and all the things that she went through of having a baby.
SPEAKER_03: I there's so many things I I don't even understand about the the difficulties of being a woman.
SPEAKER_03: Okay, so I understand that I'm a man preaching this message.
SPEAKER_03: My heart is for you.
SPEAKER_03: I'm not here to rah-rah today or just try to be like, ah ha ha, told you, you know, blah, blah, blah, back down, whatever it is.
SPEAKER_03: My heart is that you are going to receive this in humility, and that this is not David's opinion, but our heart should be, Lord, what are you saying?
SPEAKER_03: What does your word say?
SPEAKER_03: Everything, every single thing about his word is going to bring life to you in your marriage.
SPEAKER_03: But there's many things in his word that does not make us comfortable.
SPEAKER_03: In Peter, it says that it's better to suffer for doing good if that's what God wants.
SPEAKER_03: There's some times that God wants us to suffer.
SPEAKER_03: It's a weird thing to think about, but sometimes suffering produces something profound in us more than blessing ever could.
SPEAKER_03: So I don't have all the answers.
SPEAKER_03: I am not a marriage expert.
SPEAKER_03: Um, I get this wrong many times.
SPEAKER_03: You could ask my wife.
SPEAKER_03: She probably wouldn't say it because she's a respectful wife.
SPEAKER_03: She loves her man, she covers me, she supports me.
SPEAKER_03: She's my I mean, if there's anyone that is my biggest fan, it's my wife.
SPEAKER_03: And she she has grace with me, she has patience, but she also understands, too, that she's not perfect.
SPEAKER_03: I'm very glad I married a woman of God who cares what God thinks.
SPEAKER_03: Thank you, Jesus.
SPEAKER_03: So, Father, we just lift up today's message, Father, and I ask God that you would help me to say this with your heart.
SPEAKER_03: And I ask God that you would just um set every woman here, whether they're married or going to be married one day, or just every woman here.
SPEAKER_03: I ask that you prepare their heart to hear your word, to be received.
SPEAKER_03: And I rebuke the thief, the foxes that would try to sneak in and steal this.
SPEAKER_03: I rebuke you right now in the name of Jesus.
SPEAKER_03: Everybody said amen.
SPEAKER_03: Okay, um, this is uh kind of the message that we've been um hanging on for a lot of this marriage series.
SPEAKER_03: It's Ephesians 5.33.
SPEAKER_03: So again, I say each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
SPEAKER_03: Just look over that real quick.
SPEAKER_03: Um, I want you to understand something that this is the Bible.
SPEAKER_03: God is not, God doesn't just casually put stuff in the word of God.
SPEAKER_03: It's not like a, hey, let me just add this, but it's not a big deal.
SPEAKER_03: Um sometimes when I read the Bible, I gloss over things that's important, and I just think, oh, that doesn't really matter.
SPEAKER_03: I know none of you ever do that, but I've done that before.
SPEAKER_03: Um, why does God put this in here?
SPEAKER_03: Is it is it possible that the creator of heaven and earth, the one who designed us, male and female, understands something?
SPEAKER_03: Is it possible that the Word of God is trying to give us a key insight that could breathe life into our marriage?
SPEAKER_03: We already talked to the men a couple weeks ago.
SPEAKER_03: They got theirs.
SPEAKER_03: Each man must love his wife as Christ loves the church.
SPEAKER_03: That's a very unfair, very hard call to make.
SPEAKER_03: There's not anything fair about that.
SPEAKER_03: I want you to understand that, because there's not anything fair about Christ's love for us.
SPEAKER_03: We don't deserve it at all.
SPEAKER_03: He was perfect.
SPEAKER_03: He did not deserve any of that at all, but he did it.
SPEAKER_03: That's how husbands are called to love their wives, sacrificially, to put the wife's dreams, goals, well-being above their own.
SPEAKER_03: Men, if you're pursuing your dreams at the expense of your family, you have missed the biblical call of what it means to be a husband.
SPEAKER_03: I don't care how excited you are, I don't care how how successful you are, how rich you are, you have missed the call.
SPEAKER_03: You might stand before your creator one day and he might just shake his head and be like, What were you thinking?
SPEAKER_03: You had one job to do.
SPEAKER_03: You said I do.
SPEAKER_03: You like having sex, but you don't want to love her and take care of her.
SPEAKER_03: Also, if your kids are in here, I'm gonna be talking about intense stuff.
SPEAKER_03: We have children's ministry.
SPEAKER_03: But I'm gonna talk about I'm gonna hit some intense things.
SPEAKER_03: Um, on the topic of sex, by the way, God created it, it's beautiful.
SPEAKER_03: That's his.
SPEAKER_03: The enemy has stolen that, and the church has gotten too embarrassed to talk about it.
SPEAKER_03: And so everyone has to get taught from the world, from movies and all this stuff, which is distorted and perverted it.
SPEAKER_03: You know, God's reviving that.
SPEAKER_03: He's reviving, he's restoring that.
SPEAKER_03: Ooh.
SPEAKER_03: Thank you, Jesus.
SPEAKER_03: Alright.
SPEAKER_03: Um when when Paul gives this message, the the intent of this is that it's unconditional.
SPEAKER_03: It's unconditional love and it's unconditional respect, okay?
SPEAKER_03: Um, men need respect.
SPEAKER_03: This is what they need.
SPEAKER_03: This is how men are programmed.
SPEAKER_03: This is not a language or thing that women understand naturally.
SPEAKER_03: You're not gonna understand your husband and what he needs.
SPEAKER_03: You have to learn it, just as he has to learn what you need.
SPEAKER_03: If you are responding to him with what feels natural, you're missing the mark.
SPEAKER_03: You are probably showing him contempt and disrespect and you don't know it.
SPEAKER_03: You are hurting him and you don't know it because men are not gonna really tell you that.
SPEAKER_03: They're not gonna open up about their feelings, they're not communicators like that.
SPEAKER_03: That's not how they're made.
SPEAKER_03: You're like that.
SPEAKER_03: And you can be men can be hurt, but they're not as tough as you think.
SPEAKER_03: Men are very fragile internally.
SPEAKER_03: I will tell you this.
SPEAKER_03: You may think, oh David, you're so confident.
SPEAKER_03: I have insecurities, I have my struggles, I have little things.
SPEAKER_03: It my wife builds me up, but she can easily tear me down at a few simple words.
SPEAKER_03: Understand, women, you want your man to be the man of God.
SPEAKER_03: Maybe you're the one that's actually working against God's will in his life.
SPEAKER_03: Um, there's a verse in Proverbs.
SPEAKER_03: It's uh let's see where I put it somewhere.
SPEAKER_03: It's somewhere.
SPEAKER_03: I promise it's in Proverbs.
SPEAKER_03: Let me just read this one.
SPEAKER_03: Proverbs 19:4.
SPEAKER_03: It says fathers can give their sons an inheritance of houses and wealth, but only the Lord can give it an understanding wife.
SPEAKER_03: An understanding wife is someone who has insight.
SPEAKER_03: Um, what I'm preaching on comes from the book Um Love and Respect by Dr.
SPEAKER_03: Emerson Edricks.
SPEAKER_03: Love and Respect.
SPEAKER_03: I showed it last time.
SPEAKER_03: Has anyone been like going through that book?
SPEAKER_03: It's amazing, right?
SPEAKER_03: If you have.
SPEAKER_03: So now you have the husband who is responsible for showing you unconditional love, and he's also now responsible for earning the respect.
SPEAKER_03: The whole responsibility and pressure of the marriage is on him, and that's and you set him up to fail.
SPEAKER_03: And you wonder why he withdraws from you, and you wonder why he does not want to spend time with you, you wonder why he does not want to listen to you because you showed nothing but contempt, contempt, contempt.
SPEAKER_03: All the pressures on him, and you are happy to criticize him, and you're happy to call your friends and your mother, by the way, and family, and complain about your husband, and you wonder why he doesn't want to be close to you.
SPEAKER_03: You wonder why you're not experiencing intimacy.
SPEAKER_03: Many women who've understood and learned the message of this thing, a lot of them have been married 20, 30, 40 years and they've been doing it wrong, and all of a sudden the light bulb clicked off.
SPEAKER_03: Oh, maybe I need to figure out how he wants to be loved.
SPEAKER_03: He spells love R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
SPEAKER_03: Find out what it means to him.
SPEAKER_03: By the way, a dude wrote that song for his wife.
SPEAKER_03: Aretha Franklin stole it.
SPEAKER_03: Y'all didn't know that, did you?
SPEAKER_03: A man wrote that song.
SPEAKER_03: Jezebel stole it.
SPEAKER_03: There's a song by Ty Trebet called Ah, Bunny, oh, back everything that you took from me.
SPEAKER_03: Y'all heard that song?
SPEAKER_01: Oh, back.
SPEAKER_03: That's what men are doing.
SPEAKER_03: We're getting our respect back.
SPEAKER_03: Respect back.
SPEAKER_03: Thank you, Jesus.
SPEAKER_03: Um I told Catherine this yes uh no, the day before yesterday.
SPEAKER_03: This is a hard message because um there's a lot of things working against you, ladies, to understand this, okay?
SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna say first thing, culture is working against you right now.
SPEAKER_03: Because any any type of language like this of roles in marriage and hierarchy and authority, you know, they painted this of like that's unhealthy, that's negative, that's not good.
SPEAKER_03: Understand, that's not how God designed things.
SPEAKER_03: God has hierarchy.
SPEAKER_03: He cares about leadership, he cares about honor and respect.
SPEAKER_03: What does Satan get in trouble for?
SPEAKER_03: Not respecting the hierarchy.
SPEAKER_03: I want to be like God.
SPEAKER_03: He wasn't happy with his station.
SPEAKER_03: Y'all catch this.
SPEAKER_03: God cares about this stuff.
SPEAKER_03: What does he say?
SPEAKER_03: Um, honor and respect the leaders, even the governmental.
SPEAKER_03: Like we the culture right now is fighting against those type of things.
SPEAKER_03: That's working against you.
SPEAKER_03: The other thing that's working against you is that there's been a lot, there's been little to none actual good teaching about respect.
SPEAKER_03: We live in the South, so predominantly what is here is what's called the traditional marriage thing.
SPEAKER_03: And the idea is that women shut up, men lead.
SPEAKER_03: That also is very wrong.
SPEAKER_03: And some men you don't know any better.
SPEAKER_03: That's how you were raised, that's how you saw your father do it.
SPEAKER_03: You think, okay, women shut up, cook, clean, take care of their kids, and I run the show.
SPEAKER_03: And whatever I want, you just do, and you can't allow to talk back to me.
SPEAKER_03: If you talk back to me, you're disrespecting me.
SPEAKER_03: That is not the biblical account record of what is displayed here for a good marriage.
SPEAKER_03: But unfortunately, that's what you've been taught.
SPEAKER_03: And so, unfortunately, ladies have seen this.
SPEAKER_03: Men are crazy, men are jerks, men do not take care of their families, they chase selfless pleasures, and they're just horrible to their wives, and all of a sudden they're allowed to get away with it, and their wife just has to respect them.
SPEAKER_03: That's a joke.
SPEAKER_03: I want to tell you this as we talk about respect.
SPEAKER_03: The best way to respect your husband is to understand his role and responsibility is to lead your home.
SPEAKER_03: Understand a leader cannot lead if he doesn't have all the facts.
SPEAKER_03: Man, you need to understand if you're not listening to your wife's, you're trying to run a race with one leg tied.
SPEAKER_03: Man, when we're insecure, what we do is we don't let people give us criticism.
SPEAKER_03: We don't let people give us feedback.
SPEAKER_03: We don't want it because we're insecure.
SPEAKER_03: So we tell our wives to shut up because we can't handle them telling us, hey, maybe you need to grow.
SPEAKER_03: Maybe you need to learn to get better.
SPEAKER_03: Maybe you're not as amazing as you thought.
SPEAKER_03: Doesn't the Bible say that the uh the correction of a friend is better than the kisses of an enemy?
SPEAKER_03: I've done this with my wife.
SPEAKER_03: I want to talk real with you.
SPEAKER_03: I've done this with my wife, okay?
SPEAKER_03: She respects me, but I've tried to shut her up because I just don't want to hear it.
SPEAKER_03: I want to hear all I'm I want to hear I'm amazing.
SPEAKER_03: She she loves me, she thinks I'm amazing, but that doesn't mean that everything I do is amazing.
SPEAKER_03: The Bible says respect him, not respect his behavior.
SPEAKER_03: So the problem is that, ladies, you're trying to figure out what this means.
SPEAKER_03: You've seen it, you know, you're like you look at a lot of examples and you're like, well, that's not God.
SPEAKER_03: And then you have the culture saying, you know, this you've got a lot of stuff working against you.
SPEAKER_03: So we're gonna bring some clarity today.
SPEAKER_03: Amen.
SPEAKER_03: And also, guys are not good communicators, they can't even put the words what's wrong.
SPEAKER_03: What's wrong, honey?
SPEAKER_03: And you're like, okay, what does that mean?
SPEAKER_03: And this is what guys do, is that this is interesting, is that women um women process conflict through uh what is it, injustice.
SPEAKER_03: When there's conflict, they feel there's an injustice.
SPEAKER_03: Okay, men process conflict through shame.
SPEAKER_03: This is amazing.
SPEAKER_03: So when there's conflict, they want to withdraw.
SPEAKER_03: What did Adam and Eve do when they sinned?
SPEAKER_03: What happened?
SPEAKER_03: They experienced shame.
SPEAKER_03: What did they do?
SPEAKER_03: They hid.
SPEAKER_03: That's how men process conflict.
SPEAKER_03: And then women wonder I'm trying to work this out, and he's running.
SPEAKER_03: And she's like, He doesn't love me.
SPEAKER_03: No, he loves you, he's battling shit.
SPEAKER_03: But then he's upset with the wife because she's always talking and criticizing because in her mind, this is an injustice.
SPEAKER_03: This is not right.
SPEAKER_03: I gotta deal with it.
SPEAKER_03: And the two butt heads against each other.
SPEAKER_03: And what you have is it's not everyone has big problems in their marriage.
SPEAKER_03: You have years and years and years of little things building up, and all of a sudden, you know, 10, 15 years down the road, and it's like you're just two roommates living together.
SPEAKER_03: There's no intimacy, there's no love, there's no passion, there's no there's no devotion to one another, you're just getting by.
SPEAKER_03: And because you're Christians, you know you don't get a divorce because God hates divorce.
SPEAKER_03: But in your heart, you're divorced.
SPEAKER_03: God's reviving marriages.
SPEAKER_03: And it starts with the ladies getting their act in order.
SPEAKER_03: Listen, I'm gonna go ahead and tell you all the men in here are gonna want to amen me down, but they're not because they're scared.
SPEAKER_03: I said some profound things a couple weeks ago, and I'm like, where are the men at?
SPEAKER_03: And they're like.
SPEAKER_03: Oh, Jesus help me.
SPEAKER_03: Um, a lot of um a lot of marriage issues usually happen with two people that are actually goodwilled and they care about their spouse.
SPEAKER_03: Majority marriage problems, there are exceptions, there are evil people out there, and that you handle differently.
SPEAKER_03: I'm not talking about the exceptions, okay?
SPEAKER_03: Let me go ahead and say this, ladies, that in no ways is God's word ever going to call you to just endure abuse.
SPEAKER_03: That's not what this is talking about.
SPEAKER_03: Sin needs to be confronted.
SPEAKER_03: You are you listen, you are loyal to God before you're loyal to him.
SPEAKER_03: You're submitted to God.
SPEAKER_03: If he tries to tell you to do something sinful, you say, no, sir.
SPEAKER_03: I love you, I respect you, but I respect God more.
SPEAKER_03: My wife knows that I love God more than I love her.
SPEAKER_03: I know that my wife loves and respects God more than she loves and respects me because God's perfect.
SPEAKER_03: That makes perfect sense.
SPEAKER_03: Y'all get the point.
SPEAKER_03: That's how listen, y'all, ladies, we clear?
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
SPEAKER_03: So I'm not talking about that.
SPEAKER_03: But a lot of majority of the marital issues is usually just things of people they love and they actually care for their spouse and they want to do a good job.
SPEAKER_03: They just don't know what they're doing.
SPEAKER_03: They're misunderstanding.
SPEAKER_03: They're only going off of their data, and it's hurting the other, and they don't realize how bad.
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
SPEAKER_03: They a lot of what I'm talking about is coming from actual statistics, okay?
SPEAKER_03: So, like, think of thousands of people getting their marriages worked out, and their marriage is much better than it was.
SPEAKER_03: Their marriage was lifeless, now it's full of life, okay?
SPEAKER_03: A lot of women were very not happy with their husband at all, and all of a sudden they put some of these things into place and they're shocked at how much different of a man he is and how full of life their marriage is.
SPEAKER_03: They had to overcome this thing of, hey, you know what?
SPEAKER_03: I've got sin in my life.
SPEAKER_03: And he's hurt me, but I'm hurting him.
SPEAKER_03: I saw this Tony Robbins thing.
SPEAKER_03: It's so interesting.
SPEAKER_03: We're talking about marriage.
SPEAKER_03: I'm not like a fan of Tony Robbins.
SPEAKER_03: I know he's like secular, but you know, there's some cool stuff that he does.
SPEAKER_03: But one of the things he does is he's he's interviewing this woman, you know, on a show or something, and she's crying and she's like, you know, he hurts me.
SPEAKER_03: And he says, and you hurt him.
SPEAKER_03: He he called it out.
SPEAKER_03: Women, you understand is that what the one of the lenses and struggles you have is that you're going one of the struggles that you had by nature is that you're gonna respond self-righteously.
SPEAKER_03: They interviewed all these women and they said, one of the issues in marriages is that women don't see themselves as sinful.
SPEAKER_03: They justify their sin, they justify their wrong behavior and their wrong attitude towards their husbands.
SPEAKER_03: They just said, well, you know, it's because he's always act like that.
SPEAKER_03: He doesn't care about me.
SPEAKER_03: He causes me to do that.
SPEAKER_03: It's until you get to the point of recognizing, you know what, maybe I'm just as much to blame.
SPEAKER_03: Maybe I've been hurting him all along.
SPEAKER_03: He just hasn't said it.
SPEAKER_03: It's all his issues.
SPEAKER_03: He doesn't love me.
SPEAKER_03: Maybe he's trying to get away from you because you steal his peace constantly.
SPEAKER_03: You show him contempt, you're happy to do it, and you wonder why he withdraws from you.
SPEAKER_03: You wonder why his weekends are full of hunting and fishing to get away from you, because he wants peace.
SPEAKER_03: So, these are some things that you can put into practice of how men want to be loved.
SPEAKER_03: Okay?
SPEAKER_03: They want love, but respect is how they that's the language they talk when it comes to love.
SPEAKER_03: Okay, every man knows their wife loves them, but some a lot of men don't think their wife's like them.
SPEAKER_03: Uh first one is conquest.
SPEAKER_03: Recognize and thank him for his desire to work and achieve.
SPEAKER_03: A man's work is a man's identity, what he does with his life.
SPEAKER_03: This is profound.
SPEAKER_03: Uh a man ties his identity to his purpose and his work.
SPEAKER_03: When a wife subtly criticizes his career, his income, his ambition, or his drive, she's not critiquing a behavior.
SPEAKER_03: She's cutting at the foundation of how he sees himself.
SPEAKER_03: It's little flippant statements that you probably say all the time, you don't realize what you're doing to him.
SPEAKER_03: Men don't tell you when they're hurt.
SPEAKER_03: Because that would show weakness.
SPEAKER_03: He has to be tough.
SPEAKER_03: If he's telling you how much you hurt him, he's not seeming very tough.
SPEAKER_03: Believe in him fuels courage.
SPEAKER_03: Belief in him.
SPEAKER_03: Men want you to believe this is a call to faith.
SPEAKER_03: This is not a call to sight.
SPEAKER_03: This is not a call to evidence.
SPEAKER_03: Faith is the evidence of things that we hope for.
SPEAKER_03: You know, Ezekiel, he speaks life into dry bones.
SPEAKER_03: They're dry bones.
SPEAKER_03: God's coming to bring revival.
SPEAKER_03: This is not just therapy.
SPEAKER_03: This is not just, you know, man's wisdom of, hey, maybe try this program out.
SPEAKER_03: No, this is revival.
SPEAKER_03: There's repentance, there's faith, right?
SPEAKER_03: Skepticism deflates it.
SPEAKER_03: When you believe in him, you breathe life into his strength.
SPEAKER_03: This is how you can do it, ladies.
SPEAKER_03: This is actually really simple concepts.
SPEAKER_03: I've been putting into practice, and I and I failed.
SPEAKER_03: I failed many times.
SPEAKER_03: I've hurt my wife many times.
SPEAKER_03: I have this thing in me where I like to get I get in a bad mood just out of nowhere, and I get very passive, aggressive, and sarcastic and mean.
SPEAKER_03: And it hurts her.
SPEAKER_03: I have lots of things.
SPEAKER_03: Selfish.
SPEAKER_03: Just wanted to take care of myself.
SPEAKER_03: I'm tired.
SPEAKER_03: I justify it.
SPEAKER_03: Well, I worked all day and then I preached, blah, blah, blah.
SPEAKER_03: I deserve this.
SPEAKER_03: You know, that's not how God works.
SPEAKER_03: It's not about fair.
SPEAKER_03: Right?
SPEAKER_03: Um, five, uh, Ephesians 5, uh, was it 21 or 31?
SPEAKER_03: 21.
SPEAKER_03: It says, submit to yourselves out of reverence for Christ.
SPEAKER_03: Submit to one another, husbands and wife, out of reverence for Christ.
SPEAKER_03: The reason why we do that is not because of what he deserves, it's because of who God is and what he's called us to do.
SPEAKER_03: That's the motivator.
SPEAKER_03: And then you're not respecting his performance, you're respecting who God made him to be.
SPEAKER_03: That's the change.
SPEAKER_03: You can address behavior in a respectful way, but don't attack his identity to get him to try to conform to what you want him to be.
SPEAKER_03: Does that make sense?
SPEAKER_03: A lot of times, and ladies, I know you're not meaning to do this.
SPEAKER_03: It's amazing.
SPEAKER_03: They get in these marriage counseling things and both realize, oh my gosh, you actually love me.
SPEAKER_03: You didn't know how much you were hurting me.
SPEAKER_03: Y'all catch this?
SPEAKER_03: So this is how you do it.
SPEAKER_03: You tell him verbally and in writing that you value his work efforts.
SPEAKER_03: You express your faith in him related to his chosen field.
SPEAKER_03: You listen to his work stories as closely as you expect him to listen to your accounts of what happens in the family.
SPEAKER_03: You see yourself as his helpmate and counterpart and talk with him about this whenever it's possible.
SPEAKER_03: You allow him to dream as you did when you were recording.
SPEAKER_03: You see your man was attracted to you because you believed in him.
SPEAKER_03: Um, you if you ask what a guy's attracted to, a lot of people would say he's attracted to, you know, looks.
SPEAKER_03: And guys are visual, it's looks, but there's something they're more attracted to, being respected.
SPEAKER_03: A guy will leave a very good-looking wife who's successful in all this stuff for someone who's not as good-looking, not as successful, but who honors and respects him.
SPEAKER_03: Men are attracted to that.
SPEAKER_03: Men are programmed with honor.
SPEAKER_03: And I know that, I mean, it listen, adultery and leaving your spouse and stuff is never okay.
SPEAKER_03: It's never okay.
SPEAKER_03: Unless there's a biblical account for why you do it.
SPEAKER_03: Of course, adultery, all those things, neglect, abuse, all.
SPEAKER_03: But this happens, and this happens all the time in the church.
SPEAKER_03: Let's just talk real.
SPEAKER_03: God came to set the captives free, let's get some captives set free.
SPEAKER_03: But this is what when you have weak-willed people and people that have gone through stuff for years, they're just gonna flip out and they're gonna leave their spouse.
SPEAKER_03: And what will happen is men will leave their spouse, they'll leave their family because they found a woman that will honor and respect him and not nag him and talk down to him and try to boss him around like she's his boss.
SPEAKER_03: Men don't see that as all.
SPEAKER_03: They'll put up with you and they'll lie to you, and they'll say sorry when they don't feel sorry.
SPEAKER_03: They'll say whatever they can say to get you to shut up because they want peace.
SPEAKER_03: I figured out I figured out the algorithm.
SPEAKER_03: I'm just gonna do whatever I need to do to get her to calm down because she drives me nuts.
SPEAKER_03: And she never has anything positive to say, and she's never happy in a positive mood.
SPEAKER_03: Your husband wants you to be in a good mood.
SPEAKER_03: Paul says, Take your thoughts captive.
SPEAKER_03: Women don't like verses like that.
SPEAKER_03: They don't like the accountability of it.
SPEAKER_03: You know what?
SPEAKER_03: I can actually control myself.
SPEAKER_03: You justify it.
SPEAKER_03: Self-righteousness and victim mentality just right justify sin after sin after sin.
SPEAKER_03: I can't, I do well, he deserves it.
SPEAKER_03: He doesn't love me.
SPEAKER_03: Oh, really?
SPEAKER_03: When you say he doesn't love you, how do you know that?
SPEAKER_03: Do you know a man is programmed to want to die for you?
SPEAKER_03: Do you know that's how he's programmed?
SPEAKER_03: When he said I do, he's thinking this is the one I want to die for.
SPEAKER_03: And you know what you do all the time and time again?
SPEAKER_03: Oh, you don't really love me.
SPEAKER_03: You just attacked his very identity.
SPEAKER_03: You allow him to dream as you did when you're recording.
SPEAKER_03: Understand, is that your man with inside of him is probably a lot of success.
SPEAKER_03: Do you know every single successful person has had failure after failure after failure and learned?
SPEAKER_03: Honey, I think I want to start a business.
SPEAKER_03: Oh my gosh, you're just gonna waste a lot of money again.
SPEAKER_03: Is that believing in him?
SPEAKER_03: Maybe he will fail.
SPEAKER_03: Maybe it will cost the family.
SPEAKER_03: But how about believing him?
SPEAKER_03: All these people that are famous and all these people that are rich and have successful businesses, you know what they had?
SPEAKER_03: Bankruptcy, bankruptcy, failure, failure, failure.
SPEAKER_03: It's the ones that didn't give up.
SPEAKER_03: For you to believe in him.
SPEAKER_03: Men are programmed with this thing of honor that says, Listen, in the midst of my failure, she's still speaking life.
SPEAKER_03: I will die for her.
SPEAKER_03: I will do whatever it takes for her.
SPEAKER_03: That's what you need in your man.
SPEAKER_03: You need someone that says, Listen, you I've seen that you believe in me, and I'm gonna do whatever it takes.
SPEAKER_03: I don't care after I have to work five jobs.
SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna take care of you, I will die for you.
SPEAKER_03: But if you continue nagging and nagging and nagging, criticizing him, he's not gonna do anything.
SPEAKER_03: He's gonna he's gonna want to get away from you.
SPEAKER_03: But again, modern culture, feminist movement, which is ungodly and unbiblical, by the way, has trained you to just run your mouth, to try to control him.
SPEAKER_03: Well, he's not getting the job done.
SPEAKER_03: Let me step in.
SPEAKER_03: That's not your place.
SPEAKER_03: You may feel entitled to that place.
SPEAKER_03: God's saying, step back.
SPEAKER_03: He's the head.
SPEAKER_03: Take a step back.
SPEAKER_03: He's the one called and anointed and appointed for that role, not you.
SPEAKER_03: You can deceive yourself thinking that's your role.
SPEAKER_03: It's not.
SPEAKER_03: Don't dishonor or subtle subtly critical uh criticize his workfield to get him to show more love in the family.
SPEAKER_03: When you see an injustice, so a lot of times what you do is that he made me feel pain, so I've got to make him feel pain to train him to treat me right.
SPEAKER_03: That's what happens.
SPEAKER_03: We retaliate.
SPEAKER_03: He hurt me, so I hurt him.
SPEAKER_03: That's not that's not godly, that's not the love of Christ.
SPEAKER_04: I mean, am I preaching?
SPEAKER_03: Hierarchy.
SPEAKER_03: Protect and provide.
SPEAKER_03: This is how he's listening that ever all these things I'm going over, we guys, we fail at this stuff.
SPEAKER_03: We know that.
SPEAKER_03: We're very aware of our failures.
SPEAKER_03: Okay?
SPEAKER_03: I've cost my family money, I've made irresponsible decisions, but I still want to work and achieve.
SPEAKER_03: The idea is it's not perfection, it's believing in him.
SPEAKER_03: And it's respecting how God made him to be.
SPEAKER_03: Are y'all catching this?
SPEAKER_03: You're not perfect either.
SPEAKER_03: What I mean, what does it say?
SPEAKER_03: Is that the the the the spirit wants to do that, but the flesh is weak.
SPEAKER_03: Well, ladies, that's you too.
SPEAKER_03: You know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_03: You're not all rainbows and sunshine all the time.
SPEAKER_03: Sometimes, you know, he has to put up with some stuff.
SPEAKER_03: Sometimes you're gonna have to put up with stuff.
SPEAKER_03: This is love of Christ level.
SPEAKER_03: You know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_03: This is that next level.
SPEAKER_03: You want your cups overflowing, you're gonna have to do some stuff.
SPEAKER_03: It ain't gonna be fun to do.
SPEAKER_03: I tell my wife, you're welcome all the time.
SPEAKER_03: She's like, what for?
SPEAKER_03: I'm like, for teaching you patience.
SPEAKER_03: I mastered that.
SPEAKER_03: Ultimate school teacher.
SPEAKER_03: Hierarchy.
SPEAKER_03: This is a trigger word for ladies today, and rightfully so.
SPEAKER_03: Ladies, that there's been so much injustice.
SPEAKER_03: There, I mean, for the majority of history.
SPEAKER_03: But we don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.
SPEAKER_03: You catch what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_03: There is a way that if you understand God's model for this, you'll want it.
SPEAKER_03: Trust me, you'll want it.
SPEAKER_03: But we've got to get the balance of what does God see this.
SPEAKER_03: Hierarchy is the man's desire to protect and provide.
SPEAKER_03: Um, men can abuse this, just like women can abuse stuff too.
SPEAKER_03: Hierarchy is this thing of it's the role in marriage, okay?
SPEAKER_03: And I want to say this carefully.
SPEAKER_03: Um, it's the role in marriage.
SPEAKER_03: The idea of him being ahead is not for his benefit.
SPEAKER_03: Okay?
SPEAKER_03: What is, I mean, it says, husband, love your wife as Christ loved the church.
SPEAKER_03: Well, Christ, you know, that was a crazy ending.
SPEAKER_03: Did that sound like his benefit?
SPEAKER_03: Um, I thought, you know, he like died a brutal death so that his bride, the church, could live.
SPEAKER_03: It's not for your benefit, dudes.
SPEAKER_03: But, ladies, you need to understand, nevertheless, the role is there because wherever you have responsibility, you need authority to carry out the responsibility.
SPEAKER_03: You want him to carry out protecting and providing, he needs to have the authority in the role that goes with it.
SPEAKER_03: If you don't want that, then don't get married.
SPEAKER_03: Be a nun.
SPEAKER_03: We can start a nun ministry here.
SPEAKER_03: Hierarchy in scripture is never about superiority.
SPEAKER_03: Y'all hear that?
SPEAKER_03: It's not about superior, it's a hard word to say, superiority.
SPEAKER_03: Um, it's about responsibility.
SPEAKER_03: He is called to die for you.
SPEAKER_03: You understand that's his calling.
SPEAKER_03: Men are programmed with this.
SPEAKER_03: Nevertheless, they did this whole study on life insurance policies.
SPEAKER_03: Men are the majority of the ones that take out life insurance policy.
SPEAKER_03: Why?
SPEAKER_03: They want to protect and provide for their family.
SPEAKER_03: It's ingrained in them.
SPEAKER_03: Okay?
SPEAKER_03: That's not a privilege, that is a burden.
SPEAKER_03: Appreciating his role to protect and provide does not mean you cannot have a voice.
SPEAKER_03: It means you honor the weight he carries even when it's invisible to you.
SPEAKER_03: You honor the weight.
SPEAKER_03: Honey, I know that you have to go to work, but I'm also grateful that you make the decision to, because men can just flip out and just leave.
SPEAKER_03: They've done it.
SPEAKER_03: They wake up one day, I'm done with this, and they just leave.
SPEAKER_03: I'm grateful, honey, that you choose to stay.
SPEAKER_03: I'm grateful that you're disciplined, you carry the weight of leading our family.
SPEAKER_03: That will mean a lot to your husband.
SPEAKER_03: That will that that will minister to his to his spirit.
SPEAKER_03: How to you verbalize your admir uh admiration for him uh for protecting you and being willing to die for you.
SPEAKER_03: You praise his uh commitment to provide for and protect you and the family.
SPEAKER_03: He needs to know you don't take this for granted.
SPEAKER_03: Anytime you say this is just expected, that's just your job, you're showing contempt.
SPEAKER_03: You're you're hurting him.
SPEAKER_03: It's a big deal.
SPEAKER_03: You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, rank, or being one up or down, particularly at work.
SPEAKER_03: Guys care about this.
SPEAKER_03: We try to do this thing in church, like, oh, I'm just walking in humility.
SPEAKER_03: Guys, we all care about authority roles.
SPEAKER_03: Let's just be honest.
SPEAKER_03: We're programmed that way.
SPEAKER_03: That's why guys love military.
SPEAKER_03: They love the honor system.
SPEAKER_03: Amen.
SPEAKER_03: Um, you never mock the idea of looking up to him as your protector to prevent him from looking down on you.
SPEAKER_03: You don't mock that.
SPEAKER_03: You're hitting him, you're hitting his core.
SPEAKER_03: You never, in word or body language, put down his job or how much he makes.
SPEAKER_03: You're always ready to figuratively light the candles.
SPEAKER_03: There's um a guy named Evie Hill.
SPEAKER_03: He was like a pastor guy, and his wife passed away, you know, after 50-something years of marriage, and he told a story of his wife.
SPEAKER_03: He was a young pastor, he was barely making any money.
SPEAKER_03: He comes home one day and all the lights are off in the house.
SPEAKER_03: And he thinks, you know, you know, what's she doing?
SPEAKER_03: So he looks through the house and he comes to one room and she has candles lit with the dinner mate.
SPEAKER_03: And she's crying and she's teared up and she says, Honey, she goes, Um, I see how hard you work and how much you care for our family, and things have been a little bit rough, so we didn't have enough money to pay the bill, so the electricity's off.
SPEAKER_03: But I thought that we could just have a wonderful candle-lit, candle-lit meal.
SPEAKER_03: He tells that story at your funeral.
SPEAKER_03: A lot of ladies would be like, How dare you?
SPEAKER_03: I can't even believe I'm in these circumstances, blah, blah, blah.
SPEAKER_03: Can't even pay the bills.
SPEAKER_03: Your man cares.
SPEAKER_03: Understand, like, you gotta understand at his being, he wants to provide for you.
SPEAKER_03: Protect you.
SPEAKER_03: And sometimes guys hit some rough seasons.
SPEAKER_03: The wife needs to be there, says, No matter what we go through, honey, I believe in you.
SPEAKER_03: I'm here with you until death to his part.
SPEAKER_03: Richer or no matter how well he does it, his deepest desire is to protect and provide.
SPEAKER_03: And when he's not able to do that, he's gonna struggle with shame.
SPEAKER_03: He needs your breath of life in him.
SPEAKER_03: Authority.
SPEAKER_03: Appreciate his desire to serve and lead.
SPEAKER_03: He wants to serve you by leading.
SPEAKER_03: This is ingrained in every man, whether they're Christian or not.
SPEAKER_03: Man biologically are made with a desire to serve you and lead.
SPEAKER_03: You know how you turn on that switch, that switch in his heart to want to do anything for you?
SPEAKER_03: Because you honor him.
SPEAKER_03: Guys, when when they're honored, when they believe in something, it's crazy.
SPEAKER_03: They'll lay down their life.
SPEAKER_03: They'll literally die.
SPEAKER_03: And that's their that's their desire.
SPEAKER_03: When guys daydream, they died, they daydream about dying for something with purpose, for something that means something.
SPEAKER_03: You can turn that switch on in him by respecting him.
SPEAKER_03: You can say this, it's as simple as this is go ahead and make it known in your marriage, honey, you have more than authority in me because you have more responsibility than I do.
SPEAKER_03: And I respect that.
SPEAKER_03: When guys don't hear that from you, he's going to think that all your critiques, your criticisms is going you trying to challenge his authority, and he's going to assert it.
SPEAKER_03: They're programmed that way.
SPEAKER_03: If guys aren't more confrontational, because not all guys are, some guys are passive, so they assert it different ways, and they just withdraw physically, emotionally, to make you pay.
SPEAKER_03: But they're going to respond.
SPEAKER_03: And some guys will domineer to prove a point.
SPEAKER_03: You're not the boss of me.
SPEAKER_03: And then you just have tension.
SPEAKER_03: If you have two people that are strong willed, they're gonna butt heads.
SPEAKER_03: I just don't call her one time.
SPEAKER_03: You will respect me.
SPEAKER_03: And then she like, you know, she's like just joking.
SPEAKER_03: Undermining a husband in front of the children is one of the most damaging things a wife can do to a marriage.
SPEAKER_03: You're um think of it this way: how do you want your son's wife to treat him?
SPEAKER_03: Would you be happy if your son's wife one day treats him how you treat your husband?
SPEAKER_03: Is that the marriage you want for him?
SPEAKER_03: You're teaching your son how a wife should be.
SPEAKER_03: You're teaching him what to expect.
SPEAKER_03: You're teaching your daughters how to treat your husband by how you treat your man.
SPEAKER_03: Your husband is more important.
SPEAKER_03: In the marriage than the children are.
SPEAKER_03: I know that natural mother inclination, all that stuff.
SPEAKER_03: Oh my gosh, my baby, but your husband comes first.
SPEAKER_03: You're doing your kids a disservice.
SPEAKER_03: Do you understand that?
SPEAKER_03: When you make them first.
SPEAKER_03: You may not realize it, you're doing them a disservice.
SPEAKER_03: No, the daddy comes first.
SPEAKER_03: And mommy comes first.
SPEAKER_03: It just is his job.
SPEAKER_03: Don't let the kids disrespect mama.
SPEAKER_03: Mama doesn't need to be correcting dad, trying to control dad, trying to manipulate dad in front of the kids.
SPEAKER_03: And this is what happens is maybe you're like, well, I don't try to control him.
SPEAKER_03: This is how you do it is that you have emotional freakouts to control him.
SPEAKER_03: And all of a sudden, the whole the whole point of the house is to keep mommy happy.
SPEAKER_03: Everyone walks on eggshells because we know how mom handles being disappointed, being upset.
SPEAKER_03: She flips out.
SPEAKER_03: And that's how mom controls the house and leads the house.
SPEAKER_03: Because everyone just wants her to be okay.
SPEAKER_03: You need to repent.
SPEAKER_03: Here, ladies, here's a popular one.
SPEAKER_03: You told your man I need you to be the spiritual leader.
SPEAKER_03: Popular one.
SPEAKER_03: Feel so justified saying that.
SPEAKER_03: When you're doing that, first thing you're telling him where he's failing at, and then you're telling him how to do it.
SPEAKER_03: You've just asserted dominance over him.
SPEAKER_03: Is that your place?
SPEAKER_03: To speak to him like that?
SPEAKER_03: In what way does he need to spiritually lead?
SPEAKER_03: There's lots of ways.
SPEAKER_03: Does he go to work?
SPEAKER_03: Is he faithful to provide for his family?
SPEAKER_03: Day in and day out?
SPEAKER_03: Does he put up with you?
SPEAKER_03: That's spiritual leading.
SPEAKER_03: What is it?
SPEAKER_03: How is it?
SPEAKER_03: You want him to pray more?
SPEAKER_03: It's so, it's it women do this all the time and they don't realize maybe you're not the one spiritually leading.
SPEAKER_03: Maybe you're hurting the family just as much as he is.
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, he doesn't want to go to church because when you go to church, he gets a break from you.
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I said.
SPEAKER_03: I saw this video of this woman.
SPEAKER_03: Um, she's like, they've got this fancy house, like a mansion, beautiful home.
SPEAKER_03: She's walking through, and this is a popular thing that women are doing now.
SPEAKER_03: They're like bashing their husbands, you know, on their social media accounts.
SPEAKER_03: And she goes, Can someone please explain to me?
SPEAKER_03: Look at this house, this is beautiful, but my husband all of a sudden he just likes to hang out in the garage with his TV all the time.
SPEAKER_03: And she literally goes and films and sit there and films him, and he's in the garage with the dog there, a lawn chair, and a TV.
SPEAKER_03: Because he wants peace.
SPEAKER_03: What does Proverbs say?
SPEAKER_03: It's better to be on the corner of your roof than to be in a home with a nagging wife.
SPEAKER_03: Listen, that's how guys are programmed.
SPEAKER_03: They want to get away with you from you.
SPEAKER_03: But Christian men know they can't just leave you.
SPEAKER_03: And Christian men have honor and duty, so they've got to they want to try to perform it.
SPEAKER_03: But honestly, it's really hard for them.
SPEAKER_03: Because you don't know how to shut up.
SPEAKER_03: You don't know how to control your tongue, you don't know how to emotionally not manipulate him, try to control him, try, try to talk down to him.
SPEAKER_03: That's foreign to you, and you haven't taken the time to learn, and you haven't come before the Lord and say, Maybe I'm sinful and repented.
SPEAKER_03: And I know that there's um there's two uh responses typically here for women that are gonna miss this, okay?
SPEAKER_03: Because I know that some of you are probably getting mad, and how dare him! That's fine.
SPEAKER_03: Rebellious people are very hard to reach because they don't want to change.
SPEAKER_03: And you can listen, you can experience your life and you can make your bed and live in it, okay?
SPEAKER_03: But I want to talk to the ones that maybe you've done things a certain way year after year, and nothing's changed.
SPEAKER_03: The definition of insanity is trying the same thing and expecting different results.
SPEAKER_03: I'm here to talk to people who say, hey, maybe I'm willing to humble myself for the sake of my family, for the sake of my husband.
SPEAKER_03: I'm willing to walk in humility and maybe understand, like David did, he said, Here is my heart exposed to you, Lord.
SPEAKER_03: Is there anything that you want to point out in my life?
SPEAKER_03: Revival, repentance.
SPEAKER_03: Your husband, I called them to do the same thing just a couple weeks ago.
SPEAKER_03: Humble yourself before the Lord.
SPEAKER_03: This is uh undermining your husband in front of the children, one of the most damaging things a wife could do to marriage.
SPEAKER_03: Private disagreement is healthy.
SPEAKER_03: Your husband needs that disagreement.
SPEAKER_03: My wife's been amazing at this.
SPEAKER_03: There's been times here that I've been a jerk and she's upset with me, but in public she puts on a brave face and smiles and honors me.
SPEAKER_03: And then in privacy, she addresses things.
SPEAKER_03: I thank you for that.
SPEAKER_03: That's what you need to be doing.
SPEAKER_03: Sometimes what we do when we don't have that private area to talk things out is it spews out in public.
SPEAKER_03: Those little past progressment statements, blah, blah, blah, all the things, complaining, saying things like that.
SPEAKER_03: That's what you got to be careful, is how you treat him in public is a big deal.
SPEAKER_03: He needs to be your superman to your lowest lane.
SPEAKER_03: He's your superhero.
SPEAKER_03: You know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_03: That's what men want.
SPEAKER_03: They want you on his own worshiping the ground he walks on.
SPEAKER_03: That's what he wants.
SPEAKER_03: Please don't ever make this mistake to try to criticize your husband in front of another man.
SPEAKER_03: Please don't make that mistake.
SPEAKER_03: And men, if she does that, the next time a hot woman walks by, go ahead and point out how hot she is in front of your wife.
SPEAKER_03: Get a taste of your own medicine.
SPEAKER_03: You're hurting him.
SPEAKER_03: Self-righteousness doesn't see that because it's focused on the speck in someone else's eye instead of the log in their own eye.
SPEAKER_03: When he does, disrespect says in front of the children, your dad never thinks things through.
SPEAKER_03: Respect waits, then says privately, I see it differently.
SPEAKER_03: Can we talk?
SPEAKER_03: You can be completely right and still run at the top of your voice.
SPEAKER_03: If his decision fails, disrespect says, I told you so.
SPEAKER_03: Respect says, we'll adjust, we're still a team.
SPEAKER_03: You don't lose your voice when you honor his leadership.
SPEAKER_03: You protect your influence.
SPEAKER_03: Did y'all hear that?
SPEAKER_03: Are you in it to win it or are you just in it to prove that you're right?
SPEAKER_03: If only one per if someone's right in the marriage, the marriage loses.
SPEAKER_03: This is mutual.
SPEAKER_03: I'm submitting to you, you're submitting to me out of reverence for quiet Christ.
SPEAKER_03: Quist.
SPEAKER_03: And that's how the mowage wins.
SPEAKER_03: That's how the Lord humbles me.
SPEAKER_03: Sometimes I just can't talk.
SPEAKER_03: Say a profound statement.
SPEAKER_03: Quist.
SPEAKER_03: All right, Leslie.
SPEAKER_03: Um, this is how you do this.
SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go long today, but this is too good to wrap it up.
SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna finish and I'll finish quickly.
SPEAKER_03: Just fast, right now.
SPEAKER_03: You're welcome.
SPEAKER_03: This is how you do it.
SPEAKER_03: You tell him you're thankful for his strength and the joy being able to lean on him at times.
SPEAKER_03: You support his self-image as a leader.
SPEAKER_03: You never say you're responsible, but we're still equal.
SPEAKER_03: That's what women want.
SPEAKER_03: I want him to be the head as long as he does what I want.
SPEAKER_03: That's a joke.
SPEAKER_03: Praise his good decisions.
SPEAKER_03: Here's the thing: there's times when he does it, celebrate it.
SPEAKER_03: Point it out.
SPEAKER_03: Like we're training Hayden.
SPEAKER_03: We do that.
SPEAKER_03: It's like training a baby when he does something good.
SPEAKER_03: Woo! And he's like, dudes are exactly like that.
SPEAKER_03: Good cookie.
SPEAKER_03: My wife does that.
SPEAKER_03: I caught her, she treats me how she treats her little dog Yoda sometimes.
SPEAKER_03: She'll like rub my head.
SPEAKER_03: She's like, You're such a good boy.
SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, I'm like, wait a second.
SPEAKER_02: So she did a Yoda, our dog.
SPEAKER_02: She's like, busted.
SPEAKER_02: She's like, Oh, you're such a good boy.
SPEAKER_02: You figured that out.
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, thanks.
SPEAKER_03: You give your reasons for disagreeing quietly and reasonably, but you never attack his right to lead.
SPEAKER_03: There's gonna be times, understand, a man is he's called to lead.
SPEAKER_03: God is his boss.
SPEAKER_03: You're not his boss.
SPEAKER_03: You're not his holy spirit, and you're not his mother.
SPEAKER_03: You are not his mother.
SPEAKER_03: And you're not his holy spirit.
SPEAKER_03: God could be instructing him on things in his life that you have no clue about.
SPEAKER_03: God is his boss.
SPEAKER_03: When Peter has this thing that he talks to the ladies and he's talking to women in 1 Peter 3, where he says, This is if your husband's not obeying the word.
SPEAKER_03: So we're not talking about guys doing a good job.
SPEAKER_03: We're talking about guys not obeying the word.
SPEAKER_03: Can I read it?
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
SPEAKER_03: It's up at the top of my notes.
SPEAKER_03: Let me just read this.
SPEAKER_03: This is crazy.
SPEAKER_03: And I'm ladies, I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_03: I'm actually not sorry.
SPEAKER_03: This is the book of life.
SPEAKER_03: In the same way, you wives, he just got done talking to slaves about how they should treat, how they should act towards cruel masters.
SPEAKER_03: He says, in the same way, you wives must be subject to your own husbands, so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, whoo, they may be won over without a word by the behavior of their wives.
SPEAKER_03: As they observe your pure and respectful behavior.
SPEAKER_03: This is not intended to shut women up, by the way.
SPEAKER_03: It's how we handle disagreements.
SPEAKER_03: You need, ladies, you need to be talking to your husband.
SPEAKER_03: You need to address things.
SPEAKER_03: If he's making decisions and it's hurting you, he needs to know about it.
SPEAKER_03: Husbands, you need to listen when they talk to you.
SPEAKER_03: They're not disrespecting you.
SPEAKER_03: When they come to you and say, hey, I don't like this.
SPEAKER_03: I disagree with this.
SPEAKER_03: Can we even negotiate?
SPEAKER_03: Can we figure out maybe a better way to do this?
SPEAKER_03: My wife helps me all the time.
SPEAKER_03: I'll have good ideas, but she'll help make it a great idea.
SPEAKER_03: But then sometimes, ladies, your stuff is not really as helpful as you think it is.
SPEAKER_03: Sometimes it's a bad idea, and your husband actually has a great idea.
SPEAKER_00: Men, we just yeah, honey.
SPEAKER_00: I knew crystals would be much better lunch than this salad you made.
SPEAKER_03: We're gonna do a heart healing uh altar call for the men right now.
SPEAKER_03: When Peter writes this, he's not being chauvinistic, okay?
SPEAKER_03: Feminists will say that Paul and Peter are men, that's why they're writing that.
SPEAKER_03: He's talking about the reality of they're trying to get their husbands saved.
SPEAKER_03: Back then, um, men were s were not getting as saved as much in the culture because their religion actually affected them socioeconomically.
SPEAKER_03: So to like take on the name of Jesus could actually affect their livelihood, okay?
SPEAKER_03: Men were more scared to do this, but women were getting saved left and right.
SPEAKER_03: And then you had the church, you know, and everything that, and you know, it like empowered women.
SPEAKER_03: Jesus was a was a fan of women being pushed forward, okay?
SPEAKER_03: He didn't he didn't agree with the cultural things of that day.
SPEAKER_03: So you have women coming in, and all of a sudden they're getting all like, you know, oh yeah, God's empowered us, he's called this, and now there's no, there's now no women, man or woman, and all this stuff.
SPEAKER_03: And then they would go in their homes and they would start being disrespectful to their man and make things worse.
SPEAKER_03: And Peter's trying to address this, and he's trying to say, listen, the best way to get him saved is to show the character of Christ by respecting him.
SPEAKER_02: Oh sacrificial to the core.
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's gut-wrenching at times, but you know what?
SPEAKER_03: So was this.
SPEAKER_03: And we do it out of reverence for him, not our feelings, not our personal aspect of justice of this ain't right, this ain't fair.
SPEAKER_03: None of it's fair.
SPEAKER_03: If you want fair, go to hell.
SPEAKER_03: This is covenant.
SPEAKER_03: This is an illustration of Christ in the church.
SPEAKER_03: Not your personal enjoyment.
SPEAKER_03: He's calling you to be a light in the world.
SPEAKER_03: The world is dark, getting divorced, covenant breaking left and right.
SPEAKER_03: We're meant to demonstrate him something more beyond ourselves.
SPEAKER_03: And this is what men are crying out for.
SPEAKER_03: I will die for you.
SPEAKER_03: Just honor me.
SPEAKER_03: What is Christ called the church to do?
SPEAKER_03: Honor me.
SPEAKER_03: Respect my authority.
SPEAKER_03: Call me Lord, trust me, even when you don't see it.
SPEAKER_03: Do you see this illustration?
SPEAKER_03: You want to see your man revived?
SPEAKER_03: Breathe life into him.
SPEAKER_03: Not on who he's been, but who God has called him, made him to be.
SPEAKER_03: He's programmed that way.
SPEAKER_03: You have a problem.
SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna fix it.
SPEAKER_03: He's trying to love you.
SPEAKER_03: I told the men a couple weeks ago, chill and just listen.
SPEAKER_03: It's a give and take.
SPEAKER_03: There's a thing about women to intuition, there's some truth to that, but then there's also, it's not as big a deal as you might think.
SPEAKER_03: Women can get it completely wrong.
SPEAKER_03: It was Eve that was that was deceived.
SPEAKER_03: Memory served.
SPEAKER_03: It was Eve that was deceived.
SPEAKER_03: Amen.
SPEAKER_03: Oh, women's intuition.
SPEAKER_03: She was talking to a snake.
SPEAKER_03: Who talks to a snake?
SPEAKER_03: My God.
SPEAKER_03: And then Adam gets blamed for him in the New Testament.
SPEAKER_03: Typical.
SPEAKER_00: It's really true.
SPEAKER_00: Who's responsible for the death of sin in the world?
SPEAKER_00: Adam.
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, no, Eve was.
SPEAKER_03: It's authority.
SPEAKER_03: That's why.
SPEAKER_03: Adam was responsible.
SPEAKER_03: The Lord is looking at your man, he's responsible.
SPEAKER_03: You can feel like you're the head.
SPEAKER_03: You're not in God's eyes.
SPEAKER_03: You're just living deceived.
SPEAKER_03: Insight, appreciate his desire to analyze and counsel.
SPEAKER_03: Men process externally in solutions first.
SPEAKER_03: When a wife dismisses her husband's analysis or defaults to her intuition as superior, he hears contempt, not correction.
SPEAKER_03: His instinct to solve is not emotional distance, it's care expressed in a different language.
SPEAKER_03: His analysis isn't cold, it's his way of loving.
SPEAKER_03: When he tries to fix your problem when you need empathy, respect says up front, right now I just need you to listen.
SPEAKER_03: Just let him know.
SPEAKER_03: Right now I need you to listen.
SPEAKER_03: That'll help because he doesn't know.
SPEAKER_03: Um right now I just need you to listen.
SPEAKER_03: Um, that is not shutting him down, it's telling him exactly how to succeed with you.
SPEAKER_03: When he offers solutions, you don't interpret it as emotional coldness.
SPEAKER_03: You recognize this is how he cares.
SPEAKER_03: Respect allows him to feel capable.
SPEAKER_03: When he helps you, this helps him to feel, you know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_03: He's encouraged, he's fueled by it.
SPEAKER_03: He wants to continue helping you.
SPEAKER_03: If you continue shutting down his things, oh you never listen, he's gonna, he's not gonna, he's gonna back away from that.
SPEAKER_03: And it's beautiful because he's made to do that.
SPEAKER_03: This is how he cares.
SPEAKER_03: Respect allows him to feel capable.
SPEAKER_03: His problem solving is not the opposite of compassion, it is compassion in a different language.
SPEAKER_03: Relationship shoulder to shoulder.
SPEAKER_03: Appreciate his desire for shoulder-to-shoulder friendship.
SPEAKER_03: Men bond side by side, not face to face.
SPEAKER_03: And also, guys, we're gonna be having some men's events, but listen, we're not doing it like the ladies.
SPEAKER_03: Ladies can have tea parties and hang out.
SPEAKER_03: Guys, we need stuff to do.
SPEAKER_03: We had a men's bonfire last year.
SPEAKER_03: I took video of it.
SPEAKER_03: It's 20-something men.
SPEAKER_03: There's this actually, the bonfire was way too big.
SPEAKER_03: Phil, Phil and Mark are pyromaniacs, and they just like threw gasoline on a 20-foot-tall thing, and it was like, ah.
SPEAKER_03: I took video and I noticed this.
SPEAKER_03: There was like a few guys that were actually talking.
SPEAKER_03: The rest of the guys had their chairs and everyone just was staring at the fire.
SPEAKER_03: Not talking.
SPEAKER_03: And all the guys were leaving saying, Man, that was some really good fellowship.
SPEAKER_03: Women get together and it's like for like three hours.
SPEAKER_03: I'm like, what are you talking about?
SPEAKER_03: Guys bond shoulder to shoulder.
SPEAKER_03: Women, you need talking face to face.
SPEAKER_03: Look me in the eyes, say sweet things.
SPEAKER_03: Men want you to hang out with them.
SPEAKER_03: Honey, you want to come to the game, and I don't want to talk the whole time.
SPEAKER_03: I just want you to be here.
SPEAKER_03: Shoulder to shoulder.
SPEAKER_03: Engaging in his activities.
SPEAKER_03: Guys want that.
SPEAKER_03: As nerdy as it may be.
SPEAKER_03: Garnett talking to you, brother.
SPEAKER_03: Honey, come to the Lego store with me.
SPEAKER_03: Let's play Legos.
SPEAKER_03: Listen, I'm on the I'm gonna try and get her on there.
SPEAKER_03: Let's watch Star Wars.
SPEAKER_03: Guys want that.
SPEAKER_03: They want to bond, but that's how they do it.
SPEAKER_03: It's not, they don't want to talk as much.
SPEAKER_03: Okay?
SPEAKER_03: They'll talk some.
SPEAKER_03: It's amazing.
SPEAKER_03: When you get guys like this, they'll open up and you can't get them to shut up.
SPEAKER_03: My wife, all the she does this all the time.
SPEAKER_03: She's I think she she like plays me all the time.
SPEAKER_03: She knows she's like, David, you want to tell me about this?
SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, do I?
SPEAKER_03: Men bond side by side.
SPEAKER_03: He does not need a long conversation.
SPEAKER_03: He needs you beside him, sitting with him during the game, going along on an errand, joining him in what he enjoys.
SPEAKER_03: These things communicate friendship, and friendship fuels intimacy.
SPEAKER_03: The laugh line, he doesn't need a lecture, he needs you beside him.
SPEAKER_03: Like me, you know, men go hunting.
SPEAKER_03: They would like you to go hunting with them, but you just can't talk because deer hear that.
SPEAKER_03: You know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_03: Uh he knows you love him.
SPEAKER_03: He often wonders if you actually like him.
SPEAKER_03: Isn't that sad?
SPEAKER_03: They did they actually did a survey.
SPEAKER_03: They said how many, you know, like they asked a question, you know, they asked like the hundred hundreds of dudes in this test, do you believe your wife loves you?
SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
SPEAKER_03: Do you think she likes you?
SPEAKER_03: A high percentage, like 70-something, didn't think their wives liked them.
SPEAKER_03: I know, it's sad.
SPEAKER_03: I know, it's heartbreaking.
SPEAKER_03: I love you, brother.
SPEAKER_03: And your baby, beautiful miracle baby.
SPEAKER_03: You let that baby cry, by the way.
SPEAKER_03: We're pro-family here.
SPEAKER_03: Amen.
SPEAKER_03: Pro-kids.
SPEAKER_03: Um, for some reason, we're attracting families with like 20 kids.
SPEAKER_03: Not sure how that happened.
SPEAKER_03: You know what that means, right?
SPEAKER_03: Is that we don't have enough child care workers, but we've got hundreds of kids.
SPEAKER_03: Like, Lord help us.
SPEAKER_03: Survival of the fit is just throw them in a room.
SPEAKER_03: Whoever comes out of the end of the service is meant to continue on.
SPEAKER_03: That's our children's ministry motto.
SPEAKER_03: Sorry.
SPEAKER_03: Alright, now for the big one.
SPEAKER_03: I know guys have all been waiting for this.
SPEAKER_03: Uh sexuality.
SPEAKER_03: Appreciate his desire for sexual intimacy.
SPEAKER_03: Women are programmed in a way, men, if you want access to her body, you need to minister to her spirit.
SPEAKER_03: Men are programmed in a way, if you want access to his spirit, you need to minister to his body.
SPEAKER_03: That's how he's made.
SPEAKER_03: You having a headache and not wanting to do it for the last few weeks, he's going to take that as rejection.
SPEAKER_03: You're rejecting him.
SPEAKER_03: How would you like if he just said, you know, um, hey, um, can we talk in two weeks?
SPEAKER_03: I've just been really tired.
SPEAKER_03: You wouldn't like that, would you?
SPEAKER_03: Sex is a need for him.
SPEAKER_03: God made him that way.
SPEAKER_03: You don't understand it, ladies, because you're a woman.
SPEAKER_03: You have no concept of that.
SPEAKER_03: It's a need.
SPEAKER_03: And a lot of times, men, you've got to understand the shame they experience is that we wonder why men are watching pornography all the time.
SPEAKER_03: I don't condone that at all.
SPEAKER_03: There's never an excuse for that.
SPEAKER_03: But nevertheless, they're watching pornography because their wife cuts them off because they've weaponized sex.
SPEAKER_03: You don't please me, I'm not going to show you, I'm not going to give you what you need.
SPEAKER_03: And men run to porn, it's right there.
SPEAKER_03: Their phone.
SPEAKER_03: Again, I don't justify it, but you maybe, maybe he wouldn't have as hard of a struggle if you would be the wife that you were called to be.
SPEAKER_03: Again, I'm not a condoning abuse.
SPEAKER_03: All that's a separate topic.
SPEAKER_03: I'm talking about normal day-to-day marriage.
SPEAKER_03: Um it seems very hard because God wants you to tap into the sacrificial suffering side of loving your spouse.
SPEAKER_03: He's called to be like Christ.
SPEAKER_03: I get it, so's the church.
SPEAKER_03: It's you.
SPEAKER_03: You're called to be made in the image of Christ.
SPEAKER_03: You're not doing it for your satisfaction.
SPEAKER_03: You're doing it for his, just as he's listening to your hour long talks that he does not want to listen to.
SPEAKER_03: I love it.
SPEAKER_03: I'm a morning person, not a night person.
SPEAKER_03: I get grumpy and moody around 5 p.m.
SPEAKER_03: It's a dark day.
SPEAKER_03: About 5 p.m.
SPEAKER_03: My wife, opposite night person, she comes alive.
SPEAKER_03: So I mean, I'm I'm like eight o'clock.
SPEAKER_03: I'm like, oh.
SPEAKER_04: And she's like, David, I'm I got so many plans, we gotta do this.
SPEAKER_04: And I'm like, ah! Why?
SPEAKER_04: I want you to paint the house, and she loves doing remodeling stuff.
SPEAKER_04: I want to do carpet.
SPEAKER_04: We just carpeted last year, but I want a different color.
SPEAKER_04: I need you to do it.
SPEAKER_02: Sexual desire in a marriage is not lust.
SPEAKER_03: It's covenant.
SPEAKER_03: God created sex, he made a man and woman.
SPEAKER_03: This is a need of your man.
SPEAKER_03: And it's a big deal how you respond to him because he wants to please you.
SPEAKER_03: It's a big deal how you respond to him.
SPEAKER_03: Little things, and it makes sense in your mind, I watch the one to do it.
SPEAKER_03: It could be real big rejection in his heart.
SPEAKER_03: Also, men, listen, you need to have compassion and grace and sympathy when your wife's going through certain times of the month, and also when she's had a baby and all those things.
SPEAKER_03: You just need to chill and you know figure it out.
SPEAKER_03: Give her a break.
SPEAKER_03: But for the majority of the time.
SPEAKER_03: Sunday church, I'm like, it's live streamed.
SPEAKER_03: You're welcome.
SPEAKER_03: We're gonna have to like put a thing on the video.
SPEAKER_03: This is not for children.
SPEAKER_03: Sexual desire in a marriage is not lust, it's covenant.
SPEAKER_03: For many husbands, physical intimacy is the primary avenue through which emotional connection is restored.
SPEAKER_03: You understand for men, if they feel like there's a break in the relationship, they want to have sex.
SPEAKER_03: To reconnect, to feel like everything's okay.
SPEAKER_03: Women, you're opposite.
SPEAKER_03: You're like, we need to fast for like three days and talk for 40 days.
SPEAKER_03: And then I'll be ready.
SPEAKER_03: Um, when it is withheld as a punishment or leverage, it communicates rejection.
SPEAKER_03: This is never a call to endure abuse or coercion, it's a call to mutual generosity.
SPEAKER_03: Generosity in this area communicates, I see you, I want you, you're not alone.
SPEAKER_03: Uh physical intimacy is not just biological for him, it's bonding for many men.
SPEAKER_03: It's the primary way emotional connection is restored after distance or conflict.
SPEAKER_03: Respect does not shame his desire or weaponize intimacy or control outcomes, but contempt toward his sexual uh sexuality communicates this part of you is a problem.
SPEAKER_03: Y'all hear that, ladies.
SPEAKER_03: I don't care what your psycho psychological mumbo jumbos told you or your women's magazines, this is a big deal to him.
SPEAKER_03: He's made this way.
SPEAKER_03: God, God, God doesn't make mistakes.
SPEAKER_03: He's made this way, and he doesn't need to feel shame about it.
SPEAKER_03: He uh listen, your man, his core problem, he struggles with shame.
SPEAKER_03: He doesn't feel qualified, he feels like a failure, even no matter how successful he is.
SPEAKER_03: You know, some of the most driven guys are simply trying to prove to the world that they have what it takes, and they never stop because they never find the satisfaction that I'm not enough.
SPEAKER_03: That's his problem.
SPEAKER_03: Contempt towards the sexuality communicates is part of your problem and the and the fractures um that fractures something that should be a covenant gift.
SPEAKER_03: If y'all would stand.
SPEAKER_03: Sorry, initiate sex periodically.
SPEAKER_03: Let's turn the instrumental down a little bit, please.
SPEAKER_03: I want y'all to hear this, ladies.
SPEAKER_03: This doesn't mean that you say yes every time.
SPEAKER_03: That's ridiculous.
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
SPEAKER_03: But as you initiate it more, you're more proactive about it.
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
SPEAKER_03: You understand he needs it.
SPEAKER_03: He needs that release just as much as you need emotional release, as much as you want to talk, he needs a release too.
SPEAKER_03: You let him acknowledge his sexual temptations without uh fearing he'll be unfaithful and without shaming him.
SPEAKER_03: He like he's got struggles.
SPEAKER_03: He needs someone to talk to.
SPEAKER_03: The moment he mentions some aide of temptation and you flip out, he's never talking to you again about that, and he'll probably just bottle it up.
SPEAKER_03: Have to carry that by himself.
SPEAKER_03: You don't want that.
SPEAKER_03: Men are very sensitive.
SPEAKER_03: This area, we're very sensitive about.
SPEAKER_03: We don't want to share that stuff.
SPEAKER_03: You don't try to make him open up to you verbally by depriving him of sex.
SPEAKER_03: Respect is how you love him.
SPEAKER_03: Um, this is what I felt like we were supposed to do today.
SPEAKER_03: I saw this, I was praying, and I just kept seeing this thing is that if you're here today with your spouse, um, I want you to do something.
SPEAKER_03: Get next to your spouse.
SPEAKER_03: Catherine, come on up here.
SPEAKER_03: And just follow me.
SPEAKER_03: I'm just following the leading of the Lord, okay?
SPEAKER_03: Um, if you need to get in the aisleway with your spouse, get in the aisleway.
SPEAKER_03: I'll okay.
SPEAKER_03: Are y'all with your spouse?
SPEAKER_03: Get to where you can see them, face towards them.
SPEAKER_03: Ladies, and listen, if your spouse is not here, I know some of you ladies, I want you just to look in the eyes of Christ.
SPEAKER_03: I want you to look, okay.
SPEAKER_03: If you don't have a spouse and you want to be married, I want you just to close your eyes and I want you to look in the eyes of Jesus and know that there's a father that loves you and he's working all that out, okay?
SPEAKER_03: But if you're here with your spouse today, this is what we're going to do.
SPEAKER_03: I I want you to take this seriously.
SPEAKER_03: Guys, listen to me, please.
SPEAKER_03: Take this serious.
SPEAKER_03: No laughing.
SPEAKER_03: I'm not asking you to talk, don't goof off.
SPEAKER_03: I want you to look right in your wife's eyes and don't say a thing.
SPEAKER_03: And I want you to stare at each other for 30 seconds and not say a thing.
SPEAKER_03: And then after that, wives, while you're staring into his eyes, I want you to think about one thing that you respect about him, and I want you to tell him.
SPEAKER_03: I want you to tell him you respect him, okay?
SPEAKER_03: But I want you to look in his eyes for 30 seconds.
SPEAKER_03: Let's do this.