“Do You Really Need an A+ to Get Laid? (This Was NOT in the Syllabus)”

This week, Ivy and Scarlett are unpacking best dates, worst dates, and decisions that absolutely should NOT count as extra credit. From “this could be the one” to “I need to leave immediately,” no date is safe.

Oh—and it gets worse.

We’re talking a full-blown cockroach situation that will have you rethinking every hookup, plus a completely unhinged debate: how many times can a golden retriever lick you before it’s too much? (Yes, this is a real conversation.)

Add in bad choices, zero regrets, and Ivy trying to keep Scarlett grounded (good luck), and you’ve got an episode that spirals fast.

Moral of the story? Protect your GPA, trust your instincts, and maybe… check for roaches first.

Correction Besties: it was not a physiological paper it was a an analytical review paper! 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Hey besties, you're listening to Nothing Untouched, the podcast where we overshare, laugh a lot, and talk about dating hookups and heartbreak. And all the messy moments in between. Hi, I'm Ivy Noor. And I'm Scarlet May. Buckle up, besties. Nothing is off limits.

SPEAKER_03 0:31

Well, well, well. Welcome back, besties. You're back for another episode of Nothing Untouched. Love, love, love. We're so weird. That's okay. I love it. I love us. Um, but let's talk about today is a big ol' March 17th, which means everybody's Irish today. Happy St. Paddy's Day out there. Yeah, happy St. Paddy's Day, everybody. Who got their corned beef and hash?

SPEAKER_02 1:04

Hash, hash.

SPEAKER_03 1:06

I brought some. You don't even you didn't even get any corned beef at work today. Oh, yeah, I had it at work. Oh, you had it up there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:14

So you didn't have mine. Well, no, I should have because I'm not a huge corned beef person. But I do love cabbage. Okay. I do love cabbage. But uh I don't really eat corned beef. Oh. But still. Okay. I I would have tried yours for sure. Yeah. I don't turn food down. Mine was way better. I was way better. Well, I wish I would have grabbed some because they also said there was some homemade chicken noodles.

SPEAKER_03 1:36

Oh, those were good. Yeah. I love that. She made them. Yeah, she made them really, really good.

SPEAKER_01 1:39

Yeah, and I love that stuff because I love anything like homemade, like comforting like that. It was homemade noodles. It was oh god. Shit. Even the noodles, noodle, noodles. Even the noodlers! I'm impressed by that. I've only had homemade noodles one time. And it was from an ex-boyfriend's mom. And I was like, oh my god, can I just keep her? Yeah. For real.

SPEAKER_03 2:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:05

Just keep the mom and throw you away. No, for real.

SPEAKER_03 2:09

Um, but no, yeah. So I mean I made it on Sunday. Sunday night is when I made the corned beef and just let it sit and its juices in the refrigerator.

SPEAKER_01 2:17

You feel like a pro on this. She takes St. Patty Day to a whole new level.

SPEAKER_03 2:21

Well, listen, I used to get pretty wild and out on St. Patty's Day, to be fair. Same but those days are over. Unfortunately.

SPEAKER_01 2:29

But, Besties, guess what? Ivy and I are drinking, we're not we're not really beer gals during our pod. But we are wine gals, and Ivy came up with this great idea. Well, why don't we food color Chardonnay? Yeah. It's like sold.

SPEAKER_03 2:48

Yeah, because Scarlett loves her some Chardonnay, and it's we typically do red, but you can't put green in red because it makes it purple. So that would definitely be.

SPEAKER_01 2:56

Well, and I don't even know if you could tell, really. But the funny part about that is is we can post the picture in our show notes. Yeah, for real. Because it's hilarious. And um we're we're festive. Absolutely. We're celebrating the holiday, right?

SPEAKER_03 3:11

Even those scarlets over here are nothing but no green, no nothing. I have a green undershirt. She picked the green off of her fingernails.

SPEAKER_01 3:19

Underwear green.

SPEAKER_03 3:20

Oh. Who wants to see? I bet you they all do.

SPEAKER_01 3:24

Nobody. Everybody's like, get no, it's get out of here. Oh, you're a pH lady. I was revisiting the last episode.

SPEAKER_03 3:34

Go back and listen if you haven't. Shout out episode six. Um, no, so yeah, St. Paddy's Day is just definitely not anything that I used to um do. I used to get, well, crazy and far out there. Well, in the days that I could, you know, of course. Work always came first, and I don't I'd never ask for it off. But um, I guess just the everybody getting crazy. I've always wanted to go to Chicago.

SPEAKER_01 4:00

Oh, yeah, I bet that I've never been either, but I bet it gets fucking nice.

SPEAKER_03 4:03

I bet it gets wild.

SPEAKER_01 4:04

Yeah. So I don't actually haven't celebrated St. Patty's Day for a bit, but I do remember how you people used to take the day off and just go get fucking hammered starting at like 10 a.m. and all day. A day good day drink. Yeah. I love a good day drink, let me tell you. Yeah. But it's a golfing's good for. But now it's not like the point where I'm like, I don't want to waste my vacation. Right. I have better things to do.

SPEAKER_03 4:31

I got a place I can go to a crick somewhere and lay in a creek and drink all the green beer that I want. Exactly. So in a crick somewhere, but or green chardonnay, as we do. Yes, absolutely. Still still our idea.

unknown 4:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:45

Go for it, besties. Go ahead, try it out. Um, but no, what about you, Scarlet, though? What about your week? How's your week been?

SPEAKER_01 4:52

Oh, you know what? My week's been pretty okay. Um, I mean, I do have a story. Okay. You know, I have only shocker. Gasp. Gasparella. Yeah, by the way, I did almost did not want to wear green today because the desperation of being pinched, I was like, oh my god, I could get pinched all day. Okay. I could get pinched all day if I did. I mean, probably not in the environment that we work in, but I could have like maybe some, I don't know, maybe it could got some action. No, 110%. Desperation's there. So speaking of desperation, well, I'm gonna get some flack on this because this is fucking hilarious. And you are gonna be like, what is wrong with you?

SPEAKER_03 5:41

I can't wait. Let's go.

SPEAKER_01 5:44

So I had a uh an old flame reach out. We were just talking back, not flame, just like a guy I talked to and like hooked up with and stuff. Okay. And how old are we talking? Okay, well, by the sound by the story, you're gonna think he's like super young, but he's not. He's like, he's 20. 20? 28. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_04 6:09

I thought I was like, God damn! Holy shit! We're robbing that cradle, putting it back, and robbing it again.

SPEAKER_01 6:17

Maybe just wait till you hear the story, okay? Okay, okay. All right, so we were chatting back and forth, and I was I just was like, what are you been doing? How's school going? He's doing that later school life.

SPEAKER_04 6:31

How's high school, my guy?

SPEAKER_01 6:33

He's doing that later school life, you know. Okay, sure. Well, uh, somehow uh I did his homework. Oh my fucking God.

SPEAKER_04 6:48

I wrote a paper.

SPEAKER_03 6:49

On page balance levels.

SPEAKER_01 6:52

I don't know. I'm I'm very um too nice of a person sometimes, and I we know. I know I'm just like embarrassed about this. But I like okay, it it can't be untold. But I literally he had to write a paper about like a philosophical about a movie, and I was like, and the movie I picked, or he picked, or I picked for him. He had a choice. I was like, I've seen this movie a hundred times. What was the movie? Shawshank Redemption. Oh fuck. I've seen it so many times, and I could have written this paper ten times full. But you know, I'm I always rethink things, but I he he even had a like how the paper had to be. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:39

Yeah, like a yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:40

Title page, could you know like a layout? Like a bug. So I did 90% of it. Fuck me. I know. I didn't I starly I just felt like I I killed it. You felt like what? I felt like it was my I I just wanted to do it, honestly. What? I was like, you owe me.

SPEAKER_03 8:01

What were you proving though to this guy?

SPEAKER_01 8:03

I don't know, because I'm I'm just like maybe it was to myself. I don't know. Because the just the the challenge of a paper, I don't know. I'm such a crazy ass. I don't know. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 8:17

Come fucking get her now.

SPEAKER_01 8:20

Lord have my so then did you guys fuck? Like no, not yet. I mean, I just finished it today. Oh, okay. Like last night.

SPEAKER_03 8:26

So it depends on the grade I guess. Got it. Got it. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 8:35

You guys cannot see my face right now, but I'm beat red because I'm saying it out loud and how stupid I am. I know it it's it's desperate.

SPEAKER_03 8:44

It's fucking wild. I hate that, honestly, but I love it.

SPEAKER_01 8:48

But I if if he gets an A plus on this paper, I'm gonna be like, fucking A right. I mean, what n what you got next? Well, right, but then now you're just but then what do you get out of it is what I'm saying. Well, I'm bragging rights. I hopefully I get laid eventually, but I mean So how but how far back does this fling go? Is what I I guess what I'm getting. Uh we first met June of last year. But it's been there here than you know, as long if we're not seeing somebody or not hooking up with some other old lady with a pH.

SPEAKER_04 9:25

Guess none of them do his homework. Nobody's his mommy, so get it.

SPEAKER_01 9:33

I got it. Yeah, Scarlett wins. I really hope I ace this paper, guys. Oh my God to have some bragging rights. We've got to something come from this. Somebody come from this. Literally.

SPEAKER_03 9:44

But let's just go and say that you have enough bragging rights as is anywhere. But I mean, what do I know, you know? Oh lordy.

SPEAKER_04 9:53

Okay. Anything else? I mean, that was the highlight. Okay, perfect.

SPEAKER_01 9:59

So please let me know if this is like do I need therapy? Yes. Do check yes. Do I need late? Yes. Do am I getting desperate? Yes. I mean, I know these things. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 10:13

Well, she's checked all of her own boxes, so there you there we have it, folks.

SPEAKER_01 10:18

I love it. And I was like, Ivy, I'm saving it for the pot. Yeah. Our normal saying, saving it for the pot.

SPEAKER_03 10:25

Yeah, she she came into my office today just like fucking glowing. And I'm like, I honestly thought Scarlet got laid. And that's why I was really excited to hear about the fucking fuck fest or whatever she had going on. But nope, it's just a paper writing fest. Philosophically. Philosophically. I said physics.

SPEAKER_01 10:47

Fucking nailed that paper though. I hope. Well, if if there ends up being like a B or C, I mean I'll never see him again. Well, and you won't claim it.

SPEAKER_03 10:55

So I don't know who wrote that bitch.

SPEAKER_01 10:58

Not me.

SPEAKER_03 10:59

Not I. Okay, well, you can't make that shit up. You can only hear it here, folks. So also write in if you've ever uh wrote a uh phil philosophical uh blah blah blah. I can't even say Philosophical. There we go. Philosophical paper for somebody to get laid. I would love to hear this. Or any other kind of crazy stories. You know what?

SPEAKER_01 11:18

Now that I think about that, is that a payment? You know how I don't pay for sex, but write a paper. Write a paper.

SPEAKER_04 11:26

I mean, you know what's happening.

SPEAKER_03 11:30

You say tomato, I say tomato. So I mean, you know, it could work both ways in everybody's favor. So there's a win-win somewhere here. Besties, I'll figure it out someday.

SPEAKER_01 11:39

I mean, uh, it'll be one day I know what I say, doom for episode 96. Yeah. When Scarlett finally figured it out when she's not writing papers.

SPEAKER_03 11:51

Lord have mercy on our souls. Please, please help us all.

SPEAKER_01 11:55

Okay, yeah. So sorry about that, Besties. I'll I'll get my shit together eventually, I promise.

SPEAKER_03 12:00

Well, honestly, though, that's the crazy part. You do have your shit together. It's just, you know, you want that that piece of the puzzle that's missing, and you're kind of like, you know what, you know what? You're thinking outside the box, and I love it. I'm here for it.

SPEAKER_01 12:14

So I do you think anybody else would ever say that? I mean I love it. Yeah, no, you know, you just gotta help. Send help immediately.

SPEAKER_03 12:30

I can just see Scarlet sitting on her bed, like really like just deep diving into the. Oh girl.

SPEAKER_01 12:36

I was like, Yeah, I was like, oh my god, nope, erase, nope, go, nope.

SPEAKER_03 12:40

I that nope. She was probably sitting up until fucking 5 a.m. Possibly. Yeah, no, she was. I already know she was. So it's surprised she didn't call me, but I know.

SPEAKER_01 12:51

I should have been like, uh, help, send help. I'm doing home.

SPEAKER_03 12:55

Convince me not to do this because I would have talked her straight the fuck out of it.

SPEAKER_01 12:59

But I'm I don't know if you could have talked me out of this one, girl. I was like, I'm doing it, I'm doing it right, and it's gonna look it's gonna be good, and I I want an A plus. I'm always looking for approval.

SPEAKER_03 13:11

What is that? What is that? Uh you could start writing papers for that fucking one website that they pay in to fucking what is that website like college students use all the time?

SPEAKER_01 13:22

I don't know, but I can do it. Do I you get paid? You get paid? I don't know. You should look into it. I'll look into it later. Shall and will, cause girl, I can nail some shit. There you go. I mean, I don't even remember being this good at paper writing in high school, but I felt like I was just I mean, it could all be in my head, of course, but it is, but okay, I'm just fucking with you. No, don't fuck with me all you want. Because I literally like I need we don't I'm laughing at myself, and I'm I'm the first person that's gonna laugh at myself. I love you so much though. I love you know it. I it's great. I whatever. Um so Ivy, how was your week? Oh, good. How you been?

SPEAKER_03 14:07

What's happening? What's going on? Well, let's just okay, we're gonna start off. Let's start off good. Because last week it was kind of like a mundane, you know, topic, whatever. So we'll start off good. So um the boyfriend always listens and tunes into the pod, as I had mentioned. Um he's an avid listener, he is, and I love that he supports us and it means a lot. So when he starts wearing a t-shirt, I'll be convinced. Okay, okay. Perfect. Well, we got the merch going.

SPEAKER_01 14:36

Hey, I'll make him a t-shirt as long as he wears it.

SPEAKER_03 14:39

Point blank, period.

SPEAKER_01 14:40

There you go.

SPEAKER_03 14:42

Um, no, but anyways, so we had mentioned uh on the last pod about uh or the last episode about how um your guy that you were talking to about pH pH levels and stuff like that, which was really fucking crazy. So if you don't know, go back to episode six. So it was about Scarlet uh talking to a guy and she had randomly brought up, like, you know, what are you into? Why are you into you know older women? And he said, Oh, well, because younger women don't have as great as pH levels as older women. That's just fucking wild. So after the boyfriend had listened to this, I was really curious, you know, what his uh outtake was on it. And I need somebody's outtake on it. He literally just died laughing. Oh, good. Number one, good, yes, number two. Um, he said that he wants to meet the guy. So, and I said same.

SPEAKER_01 15:38

I mean, you know, he's coming on the pod.

SPEAKER_03 15:41

Yeah. I mean, hopefully not literally coming on the pod, but just you know, philosophically. Phoning in. No, and you know, he he basically said that he has never encountered anything like that. He's never even thought about it like that. Like, no, that's never ever like a thought, like a forefront. Like, I'm so this guy is fucking a seri killer, is basically what we came to conclusion. Yeah, for sure. And so that's even more reason to get him on the pod because Yeah, we want to know his other thought process.

SPEAKER_01 16:11

Absolutely. I mean, not just pH levels, but like uh his intake on just uh discharge.

SPEAKER_03 16:19

I mean everything. Like, what does it mean? Do you yeah, do you look at it? Uh, what happens, you know, when my fingers turn red? Are you into that kind of thing? I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 16:29

Like, just it's gonna get crazy. I mean, I do want him on. I want to do that.

SPEAKER_03 16:34

I know, I for sure want to talk to this.

SPEAKER_01 16:37

I need we need to know this.

SPEAKER_03 16:38

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, um, so he was he was such a good sport, and he would even be the boyfriend would be a great one to have on.

SPEAKER_01 16:46

But then he I don't know. Yeah, or not maybe episode like 98. No, I'm just kidding. I he was gonna be a great guy, but yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:54

But anyway, so no, he is super great hype. Um, but then the other thing is too, you know, he was teasing me and said that he was gonna actually get a hold of PH Guy, and him and PH Guy were gonna start their own podcast and talk about us. And I said, No, no, no, please please do it. Please do, yeah. No, 100% please do. I I want to know Ivy's pH levels. I'm about I'm all for it. I'm all for it. Please let's let's uh yeah. So anybody else that wants to hear the boyfriend and pH guy's pod about uh Scarlet and Ivy, just email us and let us know.

SPEAKER_00 17:30

What's Ivy Snow? What's Ivy Snow?

SPEAKER_03 17:32

I've done it. Yeah, yeah. Oh my Atlanta. Okay, okay. Um, so the other thing, I've been having kind of a really tough time, not gonna lie. Um, my sister love her to death. Um, and she's not really my, she's not biological, she's my sister by choice, and I say that because I had literally met her when I was two, she was three, um, and now I'm 41 and she's 42. So she's my soul sister for sure. Um you don't find people out there like that, you don't stay friends um with the people, let alone your family. You know, you it's hard to stay close with even you know, like blood relatives and stuff like that. Um but she is married and she's not happy in her marriage. She hasn't been for some time now. And she met this guy on TikTok and he lives in Egypt.

SPEAKER_01 18:28

You her you can't see me, but I eye rolled. Yeah. Just because I have my reservations on anything like that. Absolutely. I told her that too, along with Ivy that I have my reservations on the whole thing.

SPEAKER_03 18:42

Yeah, we're super concerned. We're super concerned for her, and this is why. Um, she's literally on her way to Egypt as we speak. Her plane was leaving at 510, and it is 5.50. 5. So she's to land in what did I, Switzerland? Switzerland. Um at 3 a.m. this mor or tomorrow morning. Um, so, anyways, so that's been heavy on my heart, heavy on my mind. I was pretty upset with her that she didn't cut a little bit of time out, you know, during the weekend and and spend it with me. But yesterday we had a huge snowstorm, and I live about 20 minutes away from work, and the highway was just really, really bad. And I had two people reach out to me and tell me not to go to work because it wasn't worth it.

SPEAKER_01 19:31

Sounds like it was a blessing. You gotta spend time with her.

SPEAKER_03 19:34

So I did actually, yeah. So she actually reached out to me in the morning and said that she'd like to come over. And she did, and I cooked her breakfast, and I got to drive her to the the train station and spend some, you know, when I'm and I held it together until I dropped her off at the train station and gave her that hug and I lost it.

SPEAKER_01 19:51

I can imagine. I I mean, I love my sister fucking to the end of the earth and that's it. And I couldn't I couldn't even imagine. I I honestly I couldn't even imagine. I I I would I would wholeheartedly try to talk them out of it. But you know, people are gonna do what they want to do all in the end.

SPEAKER_03 20:11

And I'm gonna be quite honest with you, I didn't ever try to talk her out of it because she's gonna do what she's gonna do. Yeah, and I'm just there to support her. Yeah, and I just wanna, you know, I I'm there for no matter what. Um, but this is this is rough. I even told my other friend today when I was talking to her, and that's another that's coming up here. Um but um, you know, out of all of the friend group, out of everyone in our friend group, she would have been the last one, my sister would have been the last one to do something this crazy and dare I say unsafe.

SPEAKER_01 20:47

I'd say fucking unsafe.

SPEAKER_03 20:49

I mean, right now you've gotta think about everything that's going on.

SPEAKER_01 20:53

You know, I just can't say enough how like I just can't imagine. I would never do it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:58

I mean, she is going to one of the safer cities in Egypt. I'm not gonna mention where she's going, but I mean she's going to one of the safer cities in Egypt where it's more tourist touristy and stuff like that. But the fuck right now with everything that's going on, who knows what you know what's going to happen. Yeah. They fucking hate us right now. Yeah. And as they should. I'm just so I mean, I don't know. So I digress with that.

SPEAKER_01 21:23

Yeah, Bessies. Uh if you if you have faith in anything, would you pray for uh Ivy's sister because she needs it, and I I have been doing it because I want her safety and I want her safe return.

unknown 21:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:38

And so that's and I I give you props for bringing that up because that was a hard subject, Ivy. And let's just let's just hope for the best and that it all works out and she will return. I have I have faith that she will. And we'll yeah, we're gonna do it, then I'm gonna kick her fucking ass.

SPEAKER_03 21:56

So Yeah. Yeah. Um anyway. Um, so moving on then. So my other friend who's also listen, I have done some wild stuff in my time. I'm not saying that I haven't. I really have. Um well we all have. Yeah. And I but I you know what? I have been stupid safe. Does that make sense? Does that when I say I've been stupid safe? So like sure, I've done some unsafe things, but like in a smart kind of way. Like I let people know what I'm doing. And I don't ever keep where I'm going or what I'm doing like a secret to everyone. I'll tell one person. And this is what we've talked about. Um, I think it was episode two and three, maybe five, five, whatever. Um, so if you go back and listen, we talk about how to keep yourself safe and and you know what to do. Um when you're when you're meeting these people online, um, so again, don't just run off to fucking a country that you've never been to. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:00

And you have no idea.

SPEAKER_03 23:02

You have no idea who this person really is. But anyways, I I love her and I just wish her the best. But moving forward, then I have this other friend um who also is on the dating world. She was actually in a long-term relationship, and she was also not happy in her relationship, so she did things that she wasn't supposed to do. And you got a lot of friends like that. I know. And I'm one of them.

SPEAKER_01 23:29

We need to just have a how did it end episode with it? Truly. No, yeah, 100%.

SPEAKER_03 23:36

Yeah, no. So, and even have them on. I even told uh this other friend that I'm talking about right now, you know, that I'm gonna have you on. She's she's hilarious. You love her, you love her. I I have no doubt. Um, but she she truly is hilarious. I just she pisses me off. She knows that. Um, we've been through a lot together. Um, but anyways, I uh she told me this story about how she was only gonna have one beer last night, and this guy reached out to her and took her on a uh mind you again, it had just we had a huge snowstorm. There's black ice everywhere, really, and at night on the highways, and it's dark, and now you're gonna go ditch diving, which if you don't know what ditch diving is, that's when you literally go in and out of ditches and like a four-wheel drive, um, which is stupid in itself. But in the summertime, like what is yeah, it is absolutely. But again, I've told you about this guy and who he is, and he is 100% an immature, stupid motherfucker. But I didn't know, I didn't know if that I knew this guy at first, to be fair. So she was telling me this story. She called me literally, she called me, I think it was like at 1:30, 145, and I didn't answer it because I mean I was sleeping, and then she called me again, and I was like, Okay, something's going on. So I answer it and I'm like, what's going on? And she said, you know, uh immediately I can tell she's crying, she's telling me that she's unsafe, that she needs help. And I'm like, but I don't know where you're at. I'm trying to talk her down, I'm trying to f figure out, you know, where her head space is. I find out that she had been drinking, you know, like so that can kind of uh skew things a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 25:23

Yeah, it escalates things into worry and panic.

SPEAKER_03 25:26

Yeah, for sure. And uh, anyways, so she told me bits and pieces of the story. It wasn't making sense because again, she had been drinking. Um, but so I just told her, I said, You I tried to get her to show her location, she couldn't figure it out, and I was like, listen to me. I have got to get a little bit of sleep. So I'm going to get off here and I'm going to say that you're fine. You don't tell me anything else, you're fine. If you can figure out how to show or uh share your location, then you need to do that. She said, But you can't do anything crazy because she fucking knows me and she knows I'll fucking come there and a fucking heartbeat.

SPEAKER_01 26:07

Absolutely. Yeah, you will. I I I can see you having everybody's back.

SPEAKER_03 26:11

And so, anyways, so she's like, I don't want to share my location because of that, blah blah blah. And I'm like, but I just if you if I promise you one thing that I won't do anything crazy if you're safe by tomorrow morning, as long as you let me know that you're safe. Other than that, I want you to share your location because if I don't hear from you, then I am going to do something crazy. I will show up on a store, I will fucking call the cops, I will do whatever it's fucking taken because you are important. Important to me. Yeah, I love you. Yeah, you know, she anyways, and she has it's so great.

SPEAKER_01 26:41

Ivy, that you go so hard for friendships, and you know, I I think everybody can relate to that, like how hard you go and absolutely how much you care and protect the people you love in your life. Yeah, so that's just don't ever lose that.

SPEAKER_03 26:55

That's a great, great quality in your life. No, you can yeah, I unfortunately you can never lose that. No, no, even if you do me dirty, I'll I'll I'll give you a couple chances, and then after that, then we'll talk. But yeah, yeah. Um, and again, um, we just we've been through the ringer back and and whatnot. And she's definitely um, you know, been uh a ride or die kind of girl. And you know I'm gonna laugh here because if you listen to this, you understand. I know you're going to, you told me you are, but um, I just promises, promises. Promises, but um, no, we had an incident, but that's neither here or there. But um, so there, yeah, just I just just be safe, you know, like don't don't just don't be stupid about things. Like, and then she tells me, you know, who this guy is eventually, because I I convince her to. Yeah. Because he says that he knows me. And I'm like, well, if you know me, then there's a reason that you don't want her to tell me who the fuck you are.

SPEAKER_01 27:58

And that's even fucking exactly. So which more of an alarm, yep.

SPEAKER_03 28:02

Alarm bells, right? That's what I told her. I'm like, you should have known from the get-go white. And then when she told me, and I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, net, get out of there. I said, because he's a piece of shit, he's an alcoholic. Um, I don't know if he's still aggressive. And then she confirmed that he is. And I said, Well, so then there you go, you know. So I mean, he has not, he's a 40-something-year-old fucking man. And this was back when he was one of my ex-husband, wow, husband at the time, his best friends. You know, this was when we were 18 to 23, you know. So, sure, you're gonna be stupid and childish back then because, and especially men, because they grow way.

SPEAKER_01 28:48

And they don't mature till 48.

SPEAKER_03 28:50

Yeah, exactly. But anyway, so I was like, no, just just don't even so she got kind of you know sad and upset about it and stuff. And I was like, You do you, but like I just and she's like, he's so good looking, and I'm like, he's fucking stupid, though. He doesn't nothing that comes out of his mouth is intelligent, and she's like, Well, he doesn't really talk, and I'm like, Yeah, correct, because he doesn't know his brain is empty, he knows nothing of his own, he cannot think of his own. I said, That's exactly why he still reaches out to his daddy and you know, wants him to convince him to help him during these tough times and things like that. I said, So, no.

SPEAKER_01 29:33

No, and uh we've talked about how we we like a guy with some fucking intelligence, absolutely, and so does she, yeah, but you know, but she may have been having like one of those moments.

SPEAKER_03 29:45

No, she has those moments all the fucking time right now, and it's not okay. You have so many insecure friends, and I'm included in this. I know, and I told her, I said, listen, she's like, you know, I just hear all your stories, and when you're because I've been like I told you, Besties, I've been single for many moons. Yep. So I'm gonna have a lot of stories. She's established single. Not something that you always want to be. If you Google single Ivy Pops up picture, description, things that she was doing. Oh Laura. Oh girl. Oh my gosh. So no, she just basically what she said in a nutshell was that she was just envious, you know, vicarious. She's living vicariously through me, and then she became very, you know, she wasn't happy in her relationship kind of thing. Again, um, they weren't having sex, they weren't intimate. Um, and here I am just having what I would say. I especially the older I've gotten, the more that I have to lose, the more things that you know you have to think about. And so I always take that into consideration when I was out and about and fucking meeting these people. Yes, I met a lot of people and I've done a lot of stupid shit, but again, like I tried my best to keep my P's and Q's, and you know, yeah, you know, we always get off track a bit here and there.

SPEAKER_01 31:06

And there's nothing to be ashamed of that. It gives it makes you who you are today, and it makes you you know, like we talked about when you know you learn from mistakes sometimes. I mean, that's how it goes, and that creates you as a person today, and that's something to be proud of, right now.

SPEAKER_03 31:23

Absolutely. But then I asked her, I said, so you're not gonna see this guy anymore. She's like, Well, yeah, yeah, I am. I'm like, okay, well, I you're a fucking idiot. You know, I told her that. I'm like, you're dumb. Well, I mean she's like, well, he's a really guy, he's a really great guy. And I'm like, but how? I I don't see because he buys you things. He buys her stuff? He's spent lots of money on her so far. How long have they been? I don't know. I didn't get that out of her. Maybe write in an email, friend.

SPEAKER_01 31:51

Yeah, geez.

SPEAKER_03 31:52

Bestie, write in an email and let us know.

SPEAKER_01 31:55

Yeah, and get get hopefully you listen to this episode about us talking shit about you. Yeah, hopefully, golly.

SPEAKER_03 32:02

And let us know. Let us know how you feel. I'm just joking. No, she doesn't care. She knows. She knows exactly how I feel about it.

SPEAKER_01 32:09

And she expects this episode, I'm guessing.

SPEAKER_03 32:12

Oh, well, I didn't tell her I was gonna talk about her on the pod, but here we are. Um it is what it is. This is my event session, so it is.

SPEAKER_01 32:19

Do you have anything else about your week?

SPEAKER_03 32:21

Yes, okay, keep going. Okay, so last thing is DF. Remember, we talked about how I blocked him and everything. So, yeah, so DF um it somehow came back into the picture and was he I had blocked him like on every level, like on everything. Um, he somehow snuck through my Snapchat, and so that was weird. That's fucking nuts. Um, and it was weird because it was like it it said like added back, and like I had added him or something, which I didn't. I blocked him.

SPEAKER_01 32:57

I'm so confused sometimes on Snapchat that I'm like, how does this work again? I don't know. Anyway, I have to ask people.

SPEAKER_03 33:02

So I had a I had to re-block him. Um, and then the other thing was just recent, is he reached out to me with other phone numbers. Like I would he would reach out to me with one number and then I would block that number. And then he would reach out to me with another number and I'd block that fucking number. And I'm like, what?

SPEAKER_01 33:21

Listen, like there's ways around the you know, blocking a number. I'm sure there's an app out there for it.

SPEAKER_03 33:28

I'm gonna tell you right now.

SPEAKER_01 33:29

If not, we're we're gonna get one.

SPEAKER_03 33:31

Yeah, something. But listen, I'm gonna tell you right now, whoever's out there listening right now, if somebody blocks you, it's for a reason and a purpose. It's anyways, so that happened, and then then he fucking calls me at work.

SPEAKER_01 33:48

What the fuck? This is now taking it into another fucking level of things. I felt for real.

SPEAKER_03 33:54

I felt violated, I felt dirty, I felt like I I wasn't in that moment. I felt very unsafe. Oh yeah, and I did not like it.

SPEAKER_01 34:01

No, I wouldn't either, I would be freaking fucking scared. And I even told you, I said, Yeah, fucking get a restraining order because this guy is not playing. Yeah, this guy's not playing, and uh like I don't fuck around with that shit.

SPEAKER_03 34:15

So And so because of all this that was leading up to it, I just needed him to know to not contact me anymore. So I called him. Yeah, I called him and I said, I'm gonna tell you right now, I'm gonna give you the one chance because apparently you need to get something off your chest. So get it off your fucking chest and be done with it. Say it and be done. Yes, okay. So he did. Fine, whatever. We're not gonna get I don't need to get into detail, but so fine, whatever. Get that off. Um, you know, apologize like previously about just stupid shit. And I'm like, I don't even I don't fucking care. Like I'm over it. Um and then uh I told him, I said, so perfect, that's great. So now moving forward, I've blocked you for a reason. Okay, I said you calling me at work is a huge invasion of privacy, invasion of violation of my boundaries. Like you just don't do that. No, I said you're blocked. Stop contacting me. So you're blocked, so be blocked.

SPEAKER_01 35:21

So leave me the fuck alone. Yeah, don't fucking ever call my work at like and put me in the fact that he did that, but that puts you in a situation at work, yeah. You know, like you don't want to be that girl that gets that those fucking no boyfriend ex-boyfriend calls, and I won't be. That's why I'm like, oh my god, that would put me into a fucking tizzy.

SPEAKER_03 35:43

I I mean, yep, I was in the panic mode for a minute because I'm like, you know, what's next? Exactly. You know, if you're willing to to cut through and call to my fucking work, like what is next? So that's why I I called him because he needed to know from me. Yeah, and so, anyways, let's well, let's hope it's done. It better be. Let's hope it's done because unfortunately, I told you restraining orders aren't nothing unless they threaten you.

SPEAKER_01 36:08

They don't well, I feel like when you block him and he calls you uh at inappropriate places, maybe that's a threat. I don't know. I don't know that whole thing, but I can ask around. Yeah, I mean we maybe things are different now because of socials, but when I uh had a restraining order on somebody, that makes sense because the fucking socials make a huge difference.

SPEAKER_03 36:30

Yeah, I don't know, it could be a difference.

SPEAKER_01 36:38

No, I'm like thoroughly thinking he's stalking you and it's fucking creeping me out. Like, what a fucking weirdo. So, anyways, so we got an email from um Josh and his girlfriend from the UK. Yes, yes, thanks for reaching out. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for being uh telling us that you loved our pod. Yes, that was super extra special, and we love that. And I'm glad you're a super fan. Yes. Uh so yes. So you had several questions about you know being new parents. And uh how to congratulations, by the way. Yeah, like exciting. Oh, baby, I sounds like the baby's due October, November-ish. Yep. Um, so we're super excited for you. Yes. But it's been a minute since either Ivy and I have had an infant. Yes. Long while uh a little bit. I mean, not that I couldn't take care of one, but I but to get back into that and to start that all anew is another thing. Yeah so I Josh, I just want to say your questions are valid and as a new parent, and I I want to tell you that we will have an episode of uh a a round table of new moms before that baby comes because I'm sure there's other people that have these same questions that need answered. And I'm I'm happy that you emailed. And I just want to say that um you're you're valid in all the questions you have because we just unfortunately have been there.

SPEAKER_03 38:23

Yeah, we we definitely have been there. We just unfortunately cannot give you I I don't think that the email is.

SPEAKER_01 38:31

I mean, not era. Ugh, that seems like this decade.

SPEAKER_04 38:35

Check out our pH levels, you'll see how old we are.

SPEAKER_01 38:39

Well, I just I just think that the best advice you're gonna get is from new moms. And um, and that's where we're at. And we will, I I have I know a lot of new moms. So we'll invite them on here. We'll have a round table before the baby comes. That way you have all your answers. We will do our best. We'll do our best, best, best. Yes, and um, but I I know why you had these questions because these are valid. These are the questions I had when I was becoming a new parent. Yeah, absolutely. You know, you just you you need to know, and if you don't have this advice, you don't know. Yeah, you know, yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_03 39:15

So that great, great questions, though. Thank you again for emailing and writing in. We do appreciate it. So don't stop doing that. Uh share with your friends, your family, everybody out there in the UK. Shout out, UK. Thank you so much for following us. Um, we also have several other uh Japan. We've got, I think, uh somewhere in South Africa now that we, you know.

SPEAKER_01 39:38

Yeah, no, these are some of these places I didn't even realize they listened to pods.

SPEAKER_03 39:44

That even existed, unfortunately.

SPEAKER_04 39:46

So I mean it's embarrassing to admit, but yeah, but I mean you gotta yeah, we're so big, the world is so huge.

SPEAKER_01 39:52

The best part, it's broadening our horizon. Absolutely. I mean, that's a cliche, but as I say that, I'm like opening my arms like a weirdo. But no, it's amazing to see all these different countries listening, and I'm super proud of it. And I love it. I'm here for it.

SPEAKER_03 40:14

And all the love that we can get, we are here for right now. So thank you again.

SPEAKER_01 40:20

And uh, so let's move on to today's pod.

SPEAKER_03 40:24

So today, besties, we are doing best and worst dates. Oh let's hear it. You know what I'm saying? I definitely am excited. I hope we get a flood of emails on this one because I can only imagine what's out there for real.

SPEAKER_04 40:42

You know, I've got a good one.

SPEAKER_03 40:43

We I mean between two of us. My God.

SPEAKER_01 40:47

I got like 10. So we'll just go with the worst you felt and the maybe the best, the one that made you feel like butterflies. Yeah. And how it went. Yeah. So do you want to start? How about do you want to give me your best? Let's start positive. Okay. And then we'll get into the the worst. Okay. I'm always trying to start positive, but it turns into.

SPEAKER_03 41:12

So I I actually have two best, I want to say. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So um, when I was living uh where my daughter was born, um, so when I was living there, I actually had several really, really bad dates. But this one date, um, we didn't go to any kind of establishment, nothing like that. He kind of asked me what my uh like favorite snacky foods are. He knew I loved red wine. Um, he packed a fucking picnic. Oh, that's so fucking sweet. Flowers, red wine, and we sat, and he knew that I loved nature, and we sat by the river and we um had a picnic.

SPEAKER_01 41:51

Um it was number and is he available? That's actually really amazing. It was well thought out. I'm pretty sure. One had our personal. That is an amazing. I mean, you thought about that, you planned. I mean, guys, some guys don't think of that shit. That's amazing. So okay. Yeah. So keep going. Yep, yep.

SPEAKER_03 42:09

Um, so the other uh first best date would have been with the current boyfriend. I got a shout out. I know. Um, so I actually again don't ever have people do this, but I was somehow I I felt like I had known him my entire life. We were just best friends, like forever. Um, I actually had him come over to my house on our first date and pick me up.

SPEAKER_01 42:35

It's against our safety stuff, Ivy. We don't do that. Besties, don't follow Ivy's advice there.

SPEAKER_03 42:43

Um, I I wasn't even ready yet. I wasn't even ready. Surprise, surprise. I know. I was not ready. And so I opened the door and I have my I was wearing it, it was during the summertime, just recently in August, I believe. But um wearing a summer dress and I opened the door and getting hooch all hooched out. I love yeah, booch out, tickets out, boobs, let's go.

SPEAKER_01 43:07

Tickets out but she got all out.

SPEAKER_03 43:11

Um, so yeah, he I saw because my my gloor, my my gloor, holy shit. My door is a glass pane door, so you can see like through who you you know who's there. You can see through the door, yeah. Screen door?

SPEAKER_04 43:26

No, it's a glass pane door. Bitch, you we're done. We're done. Anyways, it's my story. It's my best day. Scarlet fine card. I like to tell a good story. Go ahead. Sorry.

SPEAKER_03 43:41

She writes the best papers if anybody needs a fucking philosophical whatever the fuck she wants to call it, paper writing. Any dessert. So I go out of the bathroom, he says he's here. I exit my bathroom. I'm standing in front of him, and he's holding uh not only a bouquet of flowers, but he's it

SPEAKER_01 44:00

has he's they're in the vase men still do this yeah they're in the vase he doesn't he doesn't just have a a thing of flowers carrying it he has flowers in a vase the best first date I know I know those are really great that's really great he opened my door for me oh shit chivalry fuck off yeah you don't find chivalry chivalry anymore I don't men if you're listening I think that's a great thing go back go back to when your mama raised yeah your ma mother raised you and gave you chivalry for women because that's amazing yeah you don't see that a lot no you don't but I'm also one of these people that when they open my door I find it very odd and I I'm a very strong person used to it yeah yeah yeah that's all of it and I'm like weird okay um no I'm not comfortable with that I'll open my own fucking door yeah no I'll just this is like no this is like women uh like me personally I I used to be like that you know yeah yeah yeah I love that chivalry thing yeah yeah just it takes a minute to get used to but like once it you know once you get that like then you're like okay yeah I can take a step back and and let you be the man let you yes yeah please please do so I mean yeah those were the two best dates for sure so now Scarlett I want to hear what what about you worst date let me lean in here worst oh yeah fuck that no we're going with worst okay buckle up besties okay so I had been talking to this guy for a minute and honestly he had a really great text game I don't even know what that means but we'll lean into it yeah text game love yeah so um we actually did connect really well and then we did FaceTime once or twice I think and he was handsome like very handsome and so I kind of felt like it was there was something off a bit but I I couldn't pinpoint it like I and we just connected in like a little bit of a level yeah and so I was like okay I'm gonna meet up with this guy and like get figured out you know and um I knew that he didn't have any children which was fine I totally fine with that but he had two dogs that he loved and I'm totally fine with that and the other thing was is he told me he had doesn't have a driver's license because oh god yeah I'm loving to hear the because he got too many DUIs in a short loser yeah yeah perfect write up fucking Scarlet's Avenue no please somebody write you a letter to the judge did you want me to do that for you like no do you have a paper for me to write I mean I can do it and write a letter letter of recommendation I don't know you but a let write a letter to the judge you know what you said I probably would have wrote no you would a letter of recommendation show what up no I know you would have but it's okay so so I decided I was like it's time to meet up whoops perfect op perfect opportunity for Scarlett to get in a bad situation and want to leave immediately so uh I had to pick him up at his house because again revert back to he has no driver's license yeah perfect yes and he did take me to a really fancy restaurant I had to have a drink at that oh one I was I would have had to have three line him up line him up bitches so unfortunately his sense of humor was really dry no and as you know I'm not a dry sense of humor person I can't that's the thing that that's that's what did her in was the dry sense of humor I don't know what to do or throw with it I mean I can't handle it literally I don't know what to like when I'm I'm very like um vocal and expressive about my humor. Oh stop stop it I'm very expressive about my humor I love to laugh Besties you know this I I laugh at myself the most and well you are funny so oh okay I'm I'm patting myself on the back so his sense of humor was dry and but like how like okay now I'm serious because not that I give a fuck about this guy but how how dry was it? Like me laughing out loud he was just like like took me as serious. Oh so like you would be like sarcastic about very sarcastic and he'd take me serious and I'm like what the fuck I know but I'm just like a jokester. I mean I'm very sarcastic and I that's why we met that's why we are besties. So it it took me really off and I didn't know how to act. No I mean I get it I was thrown off I didn't know I had to change my whole personality of course you did I mean I became interscarlet within herself and and then afterwards you wanted to take a walk by the river. Oh perfect not my scene well I was just it I was in the drinking mode and I was like get me out of here let's get drunk or something let's go to the bar play pool or something no uh so we took a walk by the river and it just got more uncomfortable from that point. Oh I can only imagine the story doesn't oh I can't wait let's hear it so I went back to his place because I had to find out whether you know he really had the dogs or not so uh yeah he had two golden retrievers. Oh perfect they wanted everything and anything to do with me okay and I am I love animals but it was a little overwhelming for me and oh but by the way I should have ended I'm too nice. I should have ended the day after I had to drive and go get us alcohol because I was like I have to have booze.

SPEAKER_03 51:00

Yeah I would have been like I'm gonna go get booze and I'll be back and then I'll never have returned.

SPEAKER_01 51:04

I just I just didn't know how to end it.

SPEAKER_03 51:06

It was kind of like a train wreck.

SPEAKER_01 51:08

You just couldn't walk away no and I was like God we connected and then now I feel like it was just I I I just didn't know how to end things.

SPEAKER_03 51:18

It was a train wreck you couldn't walk away yeah so boy how long was this again I didn't catch that how long ago yeah um let's see I want to say May of last year oh my gosh I don't remember but it was and then um like I said the dogs just they wanted attention every second and if uh he wasn't giving them attention they needed my attention it just was a whole thing with the dogs okay I mean I could clearly tell those dogs were his life everything and uh they were it okay okay so I was like okay well or I don't know like move things along maybe I mean I don't know I was still willing to bone oh my yeah I was just like hey listen I listened he was very attractive okay well yeah yeah he did it for me so anyway so finally I was like okay maybe put the dogs out let's you know go to the bedroom maybe leave the dogs behind he's like no no I know uh he did for like four minutes that's how long it lasted oh perfect he saw you naked and he blew the load right surrey ma'am guarantee yeah it been I I'm guessing it'd be checks out it'd been a bit yeah I mean no license let me get in there you know how she says get out of there no she said let me get in there yeah let's go so that's not the worst part oh god so the date continues I I had to like not be able to leave at that point it continues well I couldn't leave I mean well I mean you can you have that pretty well I have that I'm just like my human decency goes too far no no no no no no there's a difference but it there is a hundred percent difference but I don't know I mean we'll find that in Scarlet someday somehow hopefully but I I I have a problem so anyways I stayed over and uh the dogs were not locked out of the room whatsoever which is fine whatever I did not sleep for seven hours or whatever it was because the dog licked my face the entire night what both of them if it wasn't one it was the other one I was like please you stayed you didn't just leave so you stayed the whole night well I had to at that point because I'd had too many drinks to to make to gear myself up for it you know and I couldn't drive so I was like oh god but no the dogs licked my face the entire night I every time my eyes right now they're like fucking like you know those cartoon characters like like shoot their eyes out of their head that's kinda if if I could do that right now that's where I would be at but anyways okay yeah so in the whole whatever the hours that I was there if it wasn't the one it was the other like in my face and like no I like I literally or lay trying to lay on top of me to get between you and him yeah and I was like love you but it I smelled like dog I I felt like a dog at that point I think I was turning into a dog I don't know like the fucking shit shit shit shit it was uh disastrous so uh oh my god but wait there is more I don't ever leave a story untold here folks so the next morning I'm like ready to exit I I got to go oh no shit oh no oh no you gotta give me a ride to my golf tournament I'm sorry what's his name KO no initials KO anyways sorry so he took his time making himself breakfast for him and the dogs and I was he's like do you want anything I was like absolutely not I mean I was getting to wear noticeably pissed and I was like you could have laughed at any time no you did not have to stay and be like okay what's that both give you all right bud let's go what are you giving the dog what's this hoe doing too fucking much this hoes be doing too much I so too much I gave him a ride to his golf tournament after it took him an hour and a half to get ready because I was done with it but I had promised to ride now we can okay okay yeah so anyways let's just say I never talked to that dude again no this this deserves a clap I'm so proud of you but I'm thinking no no no no no but what I'm still thinking about his golden retrievers needing love from me they needed like they needed a like somebody else they need a woman's type you know they were they they like love me I know I mean who doesn't good everybody that's true I rolled my eyes but it's okay I know you you aren't suspecting that at all but that was the worst date okay the worst I I never expect to go back on that yeah no you know the funny thing is he texted me like three months ago or something and I was like are you serious no you didn't block him of course you didn't well he might need something the dog is my I don't know those two two little babies might need something I don't know you might need a ride to the golf tournament I don't know what if those golden retrievers need a home or something or need a ride to the pet store I don't know oh shit anyway let's go okay so so if you can top the worst Ivy I don't think I can I drew nobody could I mean I don't even want to follow up with that to be fair so I don't I don't I don't blame you I mean that's a good story though I mean you can't make this shit up I don't make a single yeah I'm not telling I'm not lying I don't make a single bit up I don't do any of that I believe it you can you guys can tell because of how much I'm embarrassed and how much I laugh at myself well it is all very wild but golly now I gotta think of like a better story oh yeah you gotta end on a positive oh my gosh I haven't had my worst date though yet yeah let's go with your worst just keep going with the worst and then maybe I can come up with a positive at this very sad that you have not had a positive no I have I just have mentioned it a couple times in the pod and I I felt like it was over done but keep going okay gotcha gotcha um so worst day well I did I mentioned the worst day as far as like the first time uh Christmas Eve picked me up it was either Christ like I said I don't remember if it was Christmas Eve Christmas Day picked me up and that was like a catfish moment story so I mean that was I don't really have much more to say about that I mean there's not elongated story. Nope um golly I'm thinking it's been listen I I mean as we all know as I say Ben Sangle for a while for a while um hi if you can't think of one you know I mean there's been more good than bad that's actually not that a bad thing I mean truly I don't have stories like you I'm thinking well my stories are all within two years so let's just Yeah I know that's what's crazy less than two years and mine's been in a span of over 20 so you know what though Ivy you probably have just you got them you it they're just buried deep where you know I mean the worst date but it's kind of sad but it's not crazy would be the date um that me and the ex went to the winery and he picked my chair up and well that is a bad date. Yeah that is a horrible day and it was me being punched in the face and yeah no terrible no no that's a terrible date definitely a a bad date yeah so that's definitely a worse date check that one top the box check everybody check if you haven't listened to it you need to go back and listen to it but essentially I went to a winery with an ex-boyfriend obviously a boyfriend at the time um we were having a good time there was live music it was a beautiful afternoon oh god it was so nice winery music sold yeah absolutely like I mean literally like set up on the hillside like it was gorgeous quit painting the scene here everybody picture it you've got a glass of red we were at a winery and there was live music the sun was beaming down on you or in front of you the sunset may have been happening yep and the the slowness everything was just glistening yeah glistening scan slight breeze rolling in the wave and then he placed his hand on my shoulder but and said baby come to me now so stupid but really he was an asshole and it didn't end well no it didn't end like that at all he didn't say painting a picture right yeah he didn't say any and no absolutely it was a beautiful picture that is literally what it was like beautiful music um and then all of a sudden without warning he literally lifted my I was looking at the band which was facing like he was sitting by my side I was sitting by his side as people do when they're I don't know listening to bands at a winery got me and expecting a beautiful sunset in the band in the bridge and everything was happening and so yeah so when he picked up my chair and fucking swung it around to face him and I was only allowed to look directly at him and nobody else. That's never gonna happen to you again because you learned from it.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:25

Oh 100% yeah you're never going to papers too do you want me to write about it? I will write about it if you want me to philosophically if you don't mind.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:35

This I mean you've heard about it several times now so I you can only yeah you can definitely put your insight your own little rehearsal is the best medicine as I probably it's gonna end up to be a play. I mean let's just be fair I'm writing it tonight I won't sleep until I do I believe it whole play is written out but oh I do have another worst date oh yes I just thought about this little bit same person actually like towards the beginning of our relationship and he invited me to this um uh barbecue okay and so we went to a town that I have never been to before and so I don't know if you guys do this besties or if you Scarlett do this but like when you're going through like neighborhoods and you've never been there before and you're anticipating like what house you're going to you kind of like pick out which house you'd rather it be in like run down neighborhood not like in the ghetto anywhere right I mean I don't mind the ghetto I mean well the right person's there I guess of course she wouldn't again we're passing he didn't know exactly where he was going this is again pre smart cell phones like we have now so we're just going by oh yeah literal like directions so we're trying to get there and uh we pull up and I'm like oh god it was run down fucking paint chipping off the worst house they're all you've got the shutters that are falling in the like literally yeah you know what it is what it is clearly you can't judge a book we know we can't judge a book by its cover kind of thing or its dogs or anything so we're here now there's nothing I can do right so um they're they all the stuff like there's nothing inside it might you it's hot it's summertime so all of like the food and stuff is out on like the by the garage and the patio and I'm just like looking through it and I'm like probably not not gonna do any of this stuff can you give an example of one of them absolutely oh yeah so like uh we had raccoon what the fuck uh yeah we have raccoon yeah where'd you go honey girl I was we we out in the woods folks I was I was in the backwoods you out in the back woods they can whistle through their teeth but yeah no they I mean turtle I mean everything like all the wild game that you could think of that's what they had that was the barbecue I'm just gonna drink my supper then yeah so I just drink my supper of course when you drink I have had turtle soup okay but how is that I mean you find a snapping turtle in the backcountry on the road you you cook her up that soup you probably belonged in this fucking house then I'm surprised you weren't there along with Russia now mind you so when you when you drink you obviously have to urinate oh yeah most of us do anyways please Lord tell me there wasn't an outhouse so oh it gets no no no it's better than the out house um so there was people like leaving and coming back I just thought they were like going and getting like supplies and bringing back or like I don't know decent fucking food and bringing more rodents to go right there there

SPEAKER_02 1:06:00

I've seen that there. Possum. Go get it. It's fresh. Fresh, folks. Evelyn, I know it's out there. You just go on there.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:11

Go on and skin it. Getting party after birds. That's when I learned how to skin and get my first possum.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:21

This is so a play happening. Eventually got it.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:28

Um, so noticed all that was going on, and so I I obviously had to go bathroom. I asked the person that owned the house, I'm like, hey, can I use your restroom? They're like, oh yeah. You used restroom in this place? They're like, what's that? What is it? I know. I was like, oh shit. So they said, yeah, it's um, you know, through the doors to your left. And I'm like, oh, okay, thank you so much. So I go in, and the first clue was it was dark. Oh shit, there was like no light. No electricity. There was no lights on. And I'm like, oh man.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:04

You're walking into a scarlet situation.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:06

No, no, I was a scarlet situation for sure. I was like, I don't even know. Like so I finally seen, like, because it was about around about like five, four o'clock in the afternoon. So it was still, you know, it was kind of dusky. Not not dark, but not light. I finally find a light switch. Okay. Alright. Turn the light switch on, and I heard and I look. Oh my god, I can't. Fucking roaches. I when I talk about it, I still I'm I'm being the creeps, literally. I'm telling you, I still get fucking goosebumps. Yikes. So maybe even me, because I'm like, well, what am I gonna turn around and be like, can't do that? Nope. Because again, Scarlet situation, I just fucking nice. Yeah, I was I was get out of there!

SPEAKER_04 1:07:54

Should have been there with me. Surprise. I know.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:59

Surprised you wasn't because of anyways. I finally make my way to the bathroom. Now, mind you, it's not like it's not a big area, it's a small house. There's not a lot in the way. I'm not saying that it's dirty like that. Yeah. So I finally make my way to the bathroom. There is a small deep freezer, a stand-up one, not a does that make sense?

SPEAKER_01 1:08:22

Yeah, no, I know exactly what a deep freeze is.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:24

No, I know.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:25

I don't know if I was saying that right now.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:28

No, for real. It's a deep freeze.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:29

Yeah, no one's like stand up tall.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:33

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Back in the day, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:36

I got it, yeah. Okay, so there was You're speaking of my language.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:39

I know a deep freeze for all the possums.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:45

So I find the bathroom and I fucking flick the fucking light on. And I saw the deep freeze, and there were fucking baby goddamn roaches. Like big like baby!

SPEAKER_01 1:09:01

Like little bitty girl, get your fucking self out of there.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:05

I had to pee so bad, Scarlet.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:07

I had to pee so bad, and I'm nothing against peeing in the yard. I've done it. I am Yeah, well, I mean, you gotta think about this.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:15

There's I mean, that's just the other thing. There were so many people outside, and I was like, Do they know? And then it clicked. And then it clicked. As soon as I squatted down on that toilet. Not I didn't sit on the toilet, I squatted over it. Maybe that's a better way. Squatted over the toilet. Uh yeah, you can't. I try to like raise myself or sis. Then on my right hand, mind you, they had kids. I didn't even mention that they had kids. So on my right hand side, there was a shower. Makes me really sad. I know. It is, it's a fucking sad situation. Shower. I don't know where they put it. Call DFS. Yes, go ahead. They had running water and they had food, so they would never take the kids from them.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:56

Nothing against those baby roaches everywhere. Yep.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:00

The shower alone was filled with, I don't even know, stuff. I I couldn't even tell you to this day. I don't know what was in there.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:09

Did this guy stink or anything? Did he what was his pH level?

SPEAKER_03 1:10:13

It was the guy's friend. So it wasn't like and he said he had never been to this guy's house before. I was just like, oh my gosh. So I finally, I was done, right? I was like, okay, everything with my feet like close the lid. Get out of there. I was afraid to even, I just drip dried. I was shit. I'm telling you.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:34

I would have said, I'm like, I don't even know what's gonna come out of this faucet, but I'm out of here.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:39

Bye. Uh so then after that, I was like, and now I know why everybody's leaving. They were going to the gas station to go to the fucking bathroom. That's what they were doing. They were leaving. Now, as a female, yeah, not tell your fellow female friends.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:53

I tell them everything. Hell fucking yeah. Do not go in there. No, girl, I would come out. Like, can I get an Uber? Yeah. I mean, not have said that. I probably would have just dealt with it. Yeah. Like I got out of there somehow, some way, some. But wait, there's more.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:13

So we obviously stayed. I got, I wanted to keep my woods about me, so I didn't drink to the point of where I didn't, but I I drank a little because like just thinking about everything. The kids, the the dirtiness, like when you turn that lights, like it just kept replaying like them scattering everywhere. So now listen to this. So you know you're seeing the roaches scatter everywhere. Yeah. And yeah, we're getting ready to leave. And the host of this beautiful establishment said, friends, we have a garden out back. And we have t-shirt bags on the inside. Go grab a t-shirt bag.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:49

T-shirt?

SPEAKER_03 1:11:50

No, not t-shirt, but like a t-shirt, like a plastic bag that you get like from Hivey. That's what they're called. Like t-shirt bags.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:55

Fucking hey, no, that's filled with like I told bed lice, everything. Oh, fuck that. Get out of there!

SPEAKER_04 1:12:04

Get out of there and I'd be burning that shit.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:06

So the boyfriend was like, oh yeah. I'm like, no. Thank you so much, but no, thank you. We got so we got our own garden. And he's like, no. I'm like, yes, we got our own garden. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:17

Grow stuff everywhere in our yard.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:20

Yeah. We don't fill with roaches. We don't grow roaches. So he goes into the house. Yeah. Grabs a bag. Yeah. Comes out with said bag. Did you burn it right before you got in the car? He's like, come to me or come with me to the garden. I'm like, I really no, thank you. No, no, thank you. What's in the garden?

SPEAKER_01 1:12:42

Is this a cold?

SPEAKER_03 1:12:43

Oh no. I was scared at this point. Okay. I mean, no, no, thank you. I'll just I'll I'll wait right. Here you go.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:52

I mean, I was tortured by golden retrievers.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:55

The roaches we're talking about. Like imagine a little bit. I don't know. Um, so no. I finally was like, fine, whatever. Pulled a scarlet and like whatever pleases you. And fucking went to the goddamn garden. And as we're picking these goddamn, whatever, I think it was tomatoes and picking tomatoes in this? I did not. I let him. I was I'm like, I am not touching anything. I am not doing anything. Thank you. And I love that. You realize, like, there's fucking if they're that infested in there, they're out here too. Oh, God. You do know that, right? And nobody knows this. He's like, we'll just take them and we'll throw them out somewhere. I don't want to be rude. And I'm like, wait, it's okay. No, thank you. And that's stop being rude. Scarlet. I know I would add dark. Stop picking it! No, thank you. We got plenty. We've got our own harvest that we're trying to do.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:54

You want me to pick tomatoes? Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:56

And I'll write a roll paper about it while when I'm done.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:59

Can I get an A plus for the paper red? Can you tell me how well I did? Yeah. How good I did.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:05

Did I pick tomatoes? The ripe ones. Lord have. I mean, yeah, we we threw out the fucking tomato. And I even told him, I'm like, even we're we're bringing under the truck. They're gonna be fucking roaches in the truck then. Like, that's a question!

SPEAKER_01 1:14:21

It was like a bed puzzle. Oh my god, it was so roaches can lay eggs on fucking anything. Literally anything.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:32

And they'll live in your shoes.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:34

Ew, gross.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:36

Yep. So the eggs of the cockroaches can live in your shoes. Disgusting.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:39

And that's news to me, but I'm so glad you told me this.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:42

So I threw away my shoes. 100 temperatures. You can throw your outfit in the garbage. Um, so I took it off because luckily, like where we where we did laundry and everything, it was like right on the porch. So like I just stripped in the garbage. Oh god. When we went in, I just stripped of everything. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:59

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:00

I made him strip down. I'm like, you are not walking into our house like that.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:06

Yeah, that's a bad date. I'm not doing that.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:08

So that made top my golden retriever licking situation a bad day.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:15

I don't know. I think they're both pretty good. You know?

SPEAKER_01 1:15:18

They're pretty good, but I don't know. I uh besties. Let's write in. Let's hear bad dates because if you can top ours, we'll read up. Well, I want to know. Yeah, we both want to know.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:34

Please let us know that we don't have the worst dates out there. Yeah, because I I feel like there's way more. Oh, you know Kid Kronik. Do you listen to Kid Kronic at the moment?

SPEAKER_01 1:15:43

Oh absolutely. They have the worst dates. I want to hear from you, Besties, about the worst date because it's like if you can I would love if you could top me or hers because we're it's a competition at this point. But I know everybody can top it. It's just whether they write in or not. Whether you want to just expose it.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:06

Exactly. Yeah, but we expose ourselves. I want to hear you expose yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, but let's let's reel it back in though. Reel it in. Really? Scarlett, you've gotta have one good one. Come on.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:17

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I do. I absolutely do. But I've talked about it too much and No. I know. So my it was I know, I've talked about it too much. I feel like it's like becoming a staple in the pod. But well, it was just um after my marriage, it was one of the first dates I felt like and I had mentioned this before. He when he got out of the car, he kissed me. Okay. That did it for me right there. I felt wanted and loved. Not loved, but I felt like appreciated. You know, all the things. And had dinner and um and we went back to his place and literally was jumping on him because I was so attracted to him. And that's a true story. Okay. But he was so attracted to me too. Like it there was a connection for real. And I was like, well, um, well, I won't do it without a condom. That was this is God's honest shape. That was the boundary, okay. Boundary 100%. And he's like, I don't, I I just moved and I don't know where they're at. Oh, he's like, well, let's go get some. Because uh, yeah, he's like, let's go to the store. Okay. So we went to the store. It was like a mile down the road. And he he asked some guy in the aisle who didn't even work there.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:49

He's like, man, we gotta get those wrapped up. Literally wrapped up and wrapped up.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:56

I I remember it so well because the guy didn't, he's like, I don't work here. But he wore like some kind of uh white shirt and like a badge-looking thing. So I'm like, easy mistake.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:14

Our bad that you look like a fucking loser. Don't take the offense of that.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:19

You just get off work somewhere else. Like high B. So, anyways, we found him. He buys the three back. The three, I think it was the three back. It's like God, expectations are low.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:42

Okay, got it, got it.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:49

So we get back to his place. And uh things progressed fucking hot.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:55

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:56

And uh I'll never forget it. It was just one of those. One of those first dates, you know.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:01

Uh when Scarlet puts out Well, we should probably have those episodes too, you know. How Scarlet puts out how Scarlet puts out, how Ivy puts out, you know, all the things. Um, no, but I mean I love to hear all of it. I want to hear more of our besties. Stories, could you please write in?

SPEAKER_01 1:19:23

And oh gosh, we thank you so much for writing in about the baby concerns. We love that.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:28

Yeah, no absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:29

And we will address it when you get closer. Yeah, when we get closer, and when we can actually have more input. Input and tune people on pod instead of just little old pH balance, Scarlet and Ivy. No, there's different things I can like tell you about, but it's just again, not in this era. So I don't feel like it relates and it's not gonna hit with no but like it should. No, so and especially if you're from the UK and you have you know different different culture there, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:04

And we don't know that culture, so we're gonna have to investigate, find out more information.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:10

Absolutely, but as always, thank you so much for tuning in and listening because you are listening to Nothing Untouched with Ivy and Scarlet. And if you want to write in, nope, just do it. Just just write it, just write it into us because we'll read it and don't and again, like we we won't judge, obviously. Listen to us out here. Shit. I can't even talk half the time. Pretty fucking savage.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:40

If you listen to this episode at all, you know we have nothing to hold back. If you can just embarrassment in my face. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:49

If you can uphold fucking roaches and fucking golden retrievers. But no, uh, please write in to us at nothing untouched pod at gmail.com. That is N-O-T-H-I-N-G. U-N-T-O-U C H E D P-O-D at gmail.com. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:12

Thanks, besties. We really appreciate you guys, and thanks for listening in. Bye. Bye bye.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:19

Love you.

unknown 1:21:20

Ow, ow.