Episode 10 - Finding Your Tribe — Community, Connection and Belonging in Midlife and Business

Community. Tribe. Circle. Whatever you call it, belonging matters. And in midlife, especially as a female founder, it hits differently.

In this episode, Bel unpacks why connection shifts so significantly across our lives. From school friendships and the great post-education scatter, to the sideline communities of parenting years, to the particular kind of loneliness that can creep in when you're running a business and navigating the hormonal rollercoaster of perimenopause and beyond.

She shares stories from her own journey. The Southbank Sirens, back-of-the-pack triathlon life, business besties who travel from all corners of Australia just to be in the same room. And she makes the case that community isn't a nice-to-have. It's a business strategy. It's a nervous system strategy. It's a staying-in-the-game strategy.

In this episode, Bel covers:

• Why friendship and connection naturally fragment across our 20s, 30s and 40s, and what that leaves behind
• The specific isolation that comes with being a female founder. No colleagues, no water cooler, often working from home
• The sandwich generation, menopause, and why so many women start to quietly retreat just when connection matters most
• Six reasons community is genuinely essential in midlife. Decision-making, nervous system co-regulation, permission by proximity and more
• Why seeing real women doing real bold things is more powerful than any Instagram reel promising 10k days
• Bel's own experience of medical menopause at 26, finding her people, and why she's now an associate member of the Australian Menopause Society

A gentle nudge:

If this one resonated, I would love it if you could send it to your business bestie. Or the woman you think needs a reminder that she's not alone.

Hit subscribe so you don't miss the next one. Every interaction helps more women in business find this podcast. Which is kind of the whole point.

Gen X Women in Business is hosted by Belinda Bayliss. Business mindset coach, online educator and the Gen X friend with a psychology degree you didn't know you needed.

Want to know more about Belinda and what she offers  - check her out at...

Website: www.belindabayliss.co

Insta - belindabayliss.co

Facebook: Belinda Bayliss Co










Sonnet 4.6 Low


Transcript

0:00

hi, I'm Belinda. If you're a woman in business somewhere in your forties or fifties, juggling probably more than you should and still trying to sustain a business you care about, this podcast might just be for you. Welcome to Gen X Women in Business. Community, tribe, club, collective, team, circle, network. Today, I wanna chat about the connection that comes with belonging. If it's your first time hitting play on the podcast, welcome. I'm so glad you found us. We are here for Gen X, Xennial, and Millennial women, and I'd like to do a quick shout-out to Beck, who reminded me that Xennials are indeed part of our tribe. Connection is something that most of us strive for, but it starts to hit differently in midlife and has a unique intersection for female founders. But first, I wanna go back a little bit on connections and friendship. When we were younger, we created friendships with age cohort peers, most likely because we existed in the same space, classrooms, for six or seven hours a day. Once we left school, however, these connections may have started to scatter. we had those who left school prior to finishing year 12, those who finished but may have chosen to go to work, or those who chose to go to uni. New connections were likely made in these spaces, and a divide often started to be seen between those who have new full-time jobs and those who became broke uni students We can see further divides in those friendships as we start to see those who were single and those who had partners, and then again for those who had children and those who don't, and the scatter game just continues out from there. In our twenties, thirties, and even our forties, friendship and connections might be centered around our workplace or our hobbies, or if we have children, our children's hobbies Where parents likely spend time on the sidelines with the time and space to create those new connections. For me, there were many hours spent at my son's sport. One in particular, which would take up to eight hours competing over the day. Lots of time to create those connections. But this all came to a sudden halt when our kids started to drive, and one by one, we kind of disappeared as our young people asserted their independence. I mean, This is what we all wanted for them, but the gap was definitely noticeable. And I, like many of the other parents, started to fill a space with my own hobby. Firstly, parkrun and running, and then moving to triathlon. Both had thriving communities, and I felt a sense of connection and even camaraderie. To be honest, though, it took a little longer in triathlon. I was not fast. In fact, I was commonly the slowest on each run and ride. It was tough some days, and then I found a new tribe, the back-of-the-pack triathletes. Things felt a little different at that end of the race, and I found a space where encouragement and just getting to the finish line brought us together in a real sense of bonding. But life has moved me away from triathlon these days, and I do miss that connection, even though the friendships remain So why the change in midlife and why does it hit differently for female founders? Many things change at this life transition point. Caring responsibilities, perhaps decreasing in active parenting of teens or young adults, but potentially increasing with upward caring responsibilities, the commonly termed sandwich generation. Menopause and all the fun that comes with that can also impact this. When you have no energy and you're not yourself in a body you no longer recognize... Well, many women this stage start to retreat. And if you're in a business for yourself, then you may not have workmates that are still there every day. And if you're also working from home, there might not even be places you actually want to go. What I feel is really important here, though, is finding your own connection. Recently, I was blessed enough to spend three days alongside my business besties. Three days of connection over business, over life, and everything in between. The space is truly invaluable for me. It is one where I feel safe and supported. I was able to be myself, not boss, not mom, not with my professional hat on, but just myself. A space where vulnerability is supported. We are a group of businesswomen who met through a business mastermind, and when that mastermind was discontinued, we decided to create our own version. For the second year in a row, we have met in real life, traveling from all corners of Australia to work on our businesses. To be honest, watching everyone arrive is almost like watching five-year-olds unwrapping gifts. Giggles and hugs and smiles for miles. I truly look forward to this opportunity because there is no other space in my world that supports me and my business in quite the same way. And this is the true value of community. Connection and belonging are so important to human health. Over the years, I've been part of many business communities, invested in programs and mentorships because I value being alongside others in the business space. And now as I go through this midlife transition phase, I'm finding it important to keep connected for a whole different range of reasons. So at this point, I thought I might list some of the things that I see as important for midlife women around connection and community, whether that be in your professional or your personal life. So number one, being in a community stops the risk of pathologizing what's going on. Being in a room, whether it's virtual or face-to-face, with women having the same experiences normalizes what's happening. In midlife, there's a potential that we have brain fog, second-guessing and why is this harder than it used to be? The questions are just sitting there. But being part of a community helps us to feel normal when we see or hear about the same things happening to others. One of my fondest unofficial communities were the South Bank Sirens. When the president of my triathlon club noticed that there were a number of women around the same age who weren't turning up to the same training sessions, he connected us. A very wise man, I have to say, and it was amazing. For years, we connected on socials and at triathlons through child-raising, PhDs, divorce, and everything in between. Did you know that there is actually a limit to messenger chats? We do because we reached it, and every time we were experiencing something that we could share, it made it easier because there were other women who could relate. Which leads me to number two: decisions get better when we have a community, especially for midlife founders who often lose access to those informal networks they may have had in their prior careers. There's no colleagues to bounce things off. Making decisions solo, I find, leads to second and even third or fourth-guessing. Community fills in those gaps. But even beyond this, whether it's in business or not, having someone who gets it always makes life easier Which leads us to number three, nervous system regulation, literally. Co-regulation is a real thing. Being witnessed by people who get it calms that threat response. Safer nervous systems equal clearer thinking equals better business. But beyond business, I also saw this in triathlon. In tri, as I mentioned, I was the back of the packer for sure, and as someone who is usually competitive, this was not a comfortable space for me. The self-judgment was huge, and I would often say that I do triathlons because I suck. So let me be a bit clearer. Triathlon for me was working at something that didn't come to me naturally, and something that I had to work and stick with But once I found my people at the back of the race, I realized I wasn't alone, and in fact, I found a community that was supportive and fun. It was about cheering each other on to get to the finish line. I had the best conversations and met the most amazing people out on the race field. Which leads me to number four. Community and connection allows us to stay in the game longer. Whether it is in business or sport or a social group, isolation is one of the biggest reasons women quietly step away, whether that's winding down a business or whether that's shrinking their life. For me, my friends in triathlon kept me there, and in fact, although I haven't done a tri in a while, I'm still part of a team that I pay for every year because I love the community. Beyond that, I was lucky enough to hang out with two triathlon friends, Katie and Ruth, on a cruise at the beginning of the year, and it was amazing. So having those people there keep me connected to my sport. We need to remember community is retention. For business, I know I need others alongside me, so being in a mentorship or a business community or in my unofficial business alumni group, it's the reason I have longevity in the space, the reason I put myself in these rooms and invest in myself and in turn my business. Which leads nicely to number five. Permission by proximity. Seeing other women our age doing bold things makes bold things feel possible. What we can see, we can be. Not some Insta reel telling us we can have 10K days, but women with real businesses doing the real everyday things. Or perhaps it's outside business My non-business bestie, Donna, is a truly inspiring woman. She's raced BMX her entire life, yet didn't compete at a worlds event until after the age of 50, despite being a top rider in New Zealand year after year. She trains harder and with more purpose and intention than just about anyone I know. She has found a new freedom in this stage of life, and I can't wait to watch her second worlds campaign later this year at Brisbane, where I will be the loudest Aussie cheering for my Kiwi bestie. Even though I don't race BMX, I'm always inspired by her. That belief that I can be better than I am today, be that in business or life. And as I move to the sixth point, I wanna touch on the age piece. Menopause specifically, having a space where that conversation isn't awkward or hidden means that we can actually strategize around it rather than white-knuckling it alone. Perimenopause and menopause is such a unique time of life and our understanding of it grows every day. If you've heard me speak before, you may be aware that cancer treatment put me into medical menopause, now called POI, at 26. My first hot flush at 30. I had no one, not even medical professionals, who gave me the knowledge I needed, perhaps because they didn't know. But for me, go on the contraceptive pill and drink milk just didn't seem to cut it. Now, with many of my cohort catching up, I don't feel as crazy. I have pursued my own knowledge, and it's now an integral part of my business. I am an associate member of the Australian Menopause Society because knowing and understanding matters. So as my voice, after two weeks of not having one, and this podcast come to an end, I hope that you found some inspiration and some reason to find your tribe. If you have a business bestie or community or want to start one, perhaps you might consider sending them this episode. If you're enjoying the podcast and don't wanna miss an episode, Hit subscribe on your platform, and they'll let you know when an episode drops. The more you interact with our podcast, the more you let the powers that be know that we are something worth listening to. and the platforms will push it out to support more women in business, which is kind of the point of it all, right? Anyway, I hope your day is an awesome one, and I'll see you on the next podcast And now the boring but necessary part. The Gen X Women in Business Podcast is produced for general educational and informational purposes only. Nothing shared here constitutes psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment, and should not be treated as such. If you are experiencing mental health concerns, please seek support from a qualified professional where guests appear on this podcast, their opinions and views are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of Belinda Bayless Co. Or the Gen X Women in Business Podcast. Always seek the advice of a qualified professional with any questions you may have.