Midlife: Interrupted & Unfiltered

Episode 5: When You Change — Everything Changes: What Happens to Your Relationships When You Reinvent Yourself

• Anne Schiavone & Melissa McManamy • Season 1 • Episode 5

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Episode 5:  When You Change — Everything Changes: What Happens to Your Relationships When You Reinvent Yourself

Reinvention sounds exciting... until the people around you start acting weird about it.

In this episode of Midlife: Interrupted & Unfiltered, Anne and Melissa get real about what happens to your relationships when you start changing. Because personal growth doesn’t happen in a vacuum — when you start setting boundaries, speaking up, wanting more, or becoming more of yourself, it can shake up friendships, marriages, family dynamics, and all the roles people are used to you playing.

This is an honest, funny, and empowering conversation about reinvention, relationships, identity shifts, personal growth, boundaries, and the uncomfortable truth that not everyone will clap when you evolve. We’re talking about outgrowing old dynamics, dealing with guilt, navigating pushback, and learning how to stay true to yourself even when it disappoints people who preferred the old version of you.

If you’ve been feeling the tension that comes when your next chapter no longer matches your old relationships, this episode is your reminder that change is not betrayal — it’s growth. And sometimes the strongest thing you can do is stop shrinking to keep everyone else comfortable.

Expect truth bombs, laughter, a little relational chaos, and the kind of validation that makes you feel less alone while you figure out who gets to come with you into this next season.

If you’re looking for a podcast about reinvention, relationships, personal growth, boundaries, identity, life transitions, self-discovery, women’s empowerment, friendship changes, marriage challenges, and navigating change, this episode is for you.

Because when you change, everything changes — and that’s not always a problem. Sometimes it’s the point.

SPEAKER_01

So you burned it down, you did the work, you need the armor, you start releasing the identities that no longer fit, you gave yourself permission to become truer and freer and more authentically you.

SPEAKER_00

And then you went home. And then the people there, your partner or your kids, your best friends, your family. Well, they still expect the old version of you.

SPEAKER_01

And nobody warned you about that part. Nobody warns you about the personal evolution is also a relational disruption. Yeah, that when you change, everything around you has to change too. And not everyone's ready for that. So welcome to episode five of Midlife Interrupted and Unfiltered. I'm Anne.

SPEAKER_00

I am Melissa, and today we're talking about what nobody tells you happened after the burning.

SPEAKER_01

And what happens to your relationships when you change. Buckle up. This one is real. Okay, so let's start by naming something that I think a lot of women feel but have never had a language for. Please. Okay, so you start doing the work, the inner work, the identity work, the burning down of what no longer fits you. And you start to notice something is shifting in how you show up. You're a little more direct, a little less apologetic, you're taking up more space, and you're saying no to things that you would always say yes to automatically. You're really becoming more of yourself. And it feels good. It feels good to you, it feels right. And then what happens? The reactions from others start. Yep. And they're not always what you expected.

SPEAKER_00

Nope. Some people will, of course, light up when they see it. They'll say, Yes, good job. This is you. I've been waiting for this version of you. And some people pull back, get quiet, get uncomfortable, maybe even a little hostile or argumentative.

SPEAKER_01

And when you're standing there thinking, well, wait, I'm becoming better. I'm liking who I am. I'm loving this hidden version of myself that's emerging. And I'm doing the work to become better. Why is this causing problems?

SPEAKER_00

Yep. And the answer to that question is one of the most important things we'll talk about today.

SPEAKER_01

Because the answer is that it's not that you're doing something wrong.

SPEAKER_00

No, not at all. The answer is that personal evolution is inherently relational, right? You can't change in a vacuum. And those people in your life have a relationship, not just with you, but of the version of you that they've always known. And that version, when it starts to shift. Well, the relationship has to shift too.

SPEAKER_01

And I just thought of something, you know, the phrase, it's it's not you, it's me. Well, in this situation, it's like, it's not me, it's you. The problem. There you go.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, everyone, you hear that? That's what you tell people, it's them. All right, anyway.

SPEAKER_01

The relationship has to shift too.

SPEAKER_00

Right. And not everyone's ready for that shift, right? Not everyone's capable of change. And if we're being completely honest, not everyone's gonna want that new version of you.

SPEAKER_01

And the last one's hard when others don't actually want it.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, really hard. And we're gonna talk about that directly because women deserve the truth about this. And we're not gonna soften, we're not gonna be diplomatic, and we're not gonna go, oh, everyone means well version.

SPEAKER_01

This is the unfiltered version.

SPEAKER_00

Always the unfiltered version. Okay, so let's talk about what actually happens and let's map out this relationship ecosystem when you go through a significant personal evolution because it's not random and there are patterns. And of course, naming the patterns help.

SPEAKER_01

So let's walk through that.

SPEAKER_00

So the first pattern, and I see this a lot, is around expansion and how people respond to your expansion. And these are the people in your life who expand to meet you, and they see your evolution and they respond with genuine excitement and support. And maybe they were even waiting for this and sense that the real you is underneath the performance facade. And maybe they're relieved or delighted that they get to see that she finally shows up.

SPEAKER_01

And those are your people.

SPEAKER_00

Absolutely your people. And in midlife reinvention, finding out who those people are is one of the most unexpected gifts of your life because this response reveals, like, you know, who's genuinely invested in you and not the role that you play or the function you serve them in their lives.

SPEAKER_01

So the first pattern is the expansion response that is a positive one. Right, right. The second pattern is what now?

SPEAKER_00

Around adjustment and responding with adjustment. So these people love you, right? They want good things for you, but maybe your change is disorienting them, right? They need time, they need information, they need reassurance that the relationship is still safe, even though you're different.

SPEAKER_01

And it's not coming from a malicious or evil intent.

SPEAKER_00

Not at all. It's human, right? Change in a close relationship is genuinely destabilizing, even if it's positive. Think about it. If your partner suddenly starts setting new boundaries or showing up differently or wanting different things, even if those things are all healthy, your nervous system feels it, it registers it, and something's changed, and you have to ask, is this safe?

SPEAKER_01

And that adjustment response usually just needs time and communication.

SPEAKER_00

Yep. And patience. These relationships can absolutely evolve with you. They just need a little more support with it.

SPEAKER_01

So you have the expansion response, which is a great thing, the adjustment response that may take more work, but it's not a bad thing by any stretch. And then you have what's the third one?

SPEAKER_00

This is where you find some resistance, right? This is the one that hurts. These are people who actively, whether it's conscious or unconscious, but they resist your evolution. Well, whether subtly or not subtly, they work to pull you back into the version that they're comfortable with that serves them.

SPEAKER_01

So let's think about what that actually might look like, because I think it can be subtle enough that maybe many women miss it.

SPEAKER_00

Absolutely. It can be incredibly subtle, right? It might look like commenting on, oh, you've changed, but that's not a compliment. Or maybe they roll your eyes at your new interests or priorities. Or maybe they say, I miss the old you, right? Or make a snarky little comment that implies the new you is a problem. Maybe they make a joke that undercuts your growth or calls you a name, expressing concern about your decisions in a way that isn't necessarily kind and shows their discomfort.

SPEAKER_01

And sometimes it might not be subtle at all. And like sometimes it'd be a direct pushback, argumentative or accusatory. You're not the person I thought you were. You're not the person I was friends with, you're not the person that I marry. You're becoming selfish. I don't know who you are anymore. Statements that frame your healthy evolution is a personal betrayal, which, like, is a lawyer who chills and accusations is deeply unfair.

SPEAKER_00

Oh my gosh, deeply and unfair, but deeply common, right? And let's talk about why. Like, why does this happen? Like, why do people do this? Because when we understand that it makes it a little bit, I don't want to say easy, but a little bit more comfortable navigating this without taking it personally. So let's talk about why it does happen. So personally, our growth, your growth out there, uh unintentionally, it can hold up a mirror to the people around you, right? So when you start setting boundaries, those people who benefit benefited from maybe your lack of boundaries, they start to feel the loss, right? They start wondering, what the heck is wrong with her? Is she selfish? Or when you start pursuing maybe your own dreams, the people who relied on your defer deferring them, maybe they feel unsettled because you're not always available to them. Maybe when you stop performing and start being real and direct and sharing your mind and taking up space, the people who preferred the performance and more reserved person, maybe they feel exposed.

SPEAKER_01

So your evolution asks something of them that they might not be ready to get.

SPEAKER_00

Yep. And rather than doing their own work, right, which is hard and scary, it's easier to try to blame it on you, push it back in the bottom.

SPEAKER_01

And then the fourth pattern is what?

SPEAKER_00

Well, this one is the exit response, right? So some relationships are not going to make it. And that's sad, but they just can't survive the gap. So it's not because anyone's a villain out there, it's not because the love wasn't real. Um, it's just simply because it was built on a version of you that no longer exists. And with that foundation, not there anymore. There's nothing to build on.

SPEAKER_01

And so those are the losses that hurt the most. And those are the ones that are most confusing to grieve because you didn't lose the person to a death or betrayal or some dramatic fallout. You've lost them to your own growth, which was a good thing, your own growth. And there's this very specific kind of grief attached to that.

SPEAKER_00

Right. And so we're gonna spend some time on that grief today.

SPEAKER_01

So let's talk about some stuff that might be uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_00

We always do.

SPEAKER_01

Well, I think you make me, but anyway. Okay, so let's talk about like the topic of who benefits from your smallness. So in my work, in 25 years of representing people, all individuals who had some type of situation where they were wronged either emotionally and or physically. I've learned that when you want to understand any dynamic, you have to ask the question of who benefits and who is harmed.

SPEAKER_00

So are you saying who you know, who benefits, right, from things staying the way they are? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And what detriment to somebody else, maybe, right? And so I I want to apply that question to relationships in women's lives, especially. Specifically, who benefits from your smallness?

SPEAKER_00

I think Ann, that question's gonna land hard on some people.

SPEAKER_01

And it should, but I think it's really important to consider.

SPEAKER_00

Can you ask it again?

SPEAKER_01

So who in your life benefits from you staying small, who benefits from you not taking up space, who benefits when you continue to defer your dreams or suppress your needs and prioritize everybody else's comfort and needs over your own growth.

SPEAKER_00

And here's the thing the answer is often people you gener is is often people who you generally love, right? They love you back. It's not always the villain.

SPEAKER_01

Often it's just a system, uh like relational dynamic that developed over years where your smallness became someone else's comfort, and where your accommodation became someone else's ease, and where your silence became somebody else's peace.

SPEAKER_00

And nobody designed it maliciously, it just evolved. So through the years of small negotiations, there are adjustments and compromises until this dynamic that you had of making yourself small smaller out of a habit goes away.

SPEAKER_01

And so everyone in the dynamic got used to it and got used to that person making themselves smaller.

SPEAKER_00

And when you start when you change that, right, you start taking up the space you deserve, the person who benefited from that is a general, it's a loss. They lose something they had or that they maybe relied on, or maybe it made them look better. And their resistance to your growth makes complete sense from inside their experience.

SPEAKER_01

Even if it's completely unacceptable.

SPEAKER_00

Right. And both things can be true, right? I understand, you know, why you're resisting my growth, and your resistance is not something I'm willing to let determine the trajectory of my life and my decisions.

SPEAKER_01

So is there a way for us to get more specific on this? Because I think this is where women can get lost in this abstract notion. Of course. So the partner who benefits from you not having a career ambition because it meant you were always available for them. That's an example.

SPEAKER_00

Right. That's one. Another one might be a friend group that benefits from you being the one who always plans things or who never needs anything because it means they've never had to show up for you.

SPEAKER_01

Or that family system that benefits from you being the peacekeeper, because it means they don't have to deal with conflicts or even their own conflicts.

SPEAKER_00

Right. Or we'll go into the workplace, the workplace that might benefit from you never negotiating your salary because it means they pay you less than what you're actually worth.

SPEAKER_01

And the children, I say this as a very proud and loving mother who benefit from you having no identity outside of motherhood because it means you're always fully available to them.

SPEAKER_00

None of these people are bad. No, not at all.

SPEAKER_01

They're all people in systems that happen to work in their favor, and when the system changes, they feel it and they might actually oppose it. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00

But here's what I want everyone listening to hear: the fact that someone benefits from your smallness is not a reason to stay small. Not a reason at all.

SPEAKER_01

And it's not the love that you have for them that's changing, it's not the history you share that's changing. Not the guilt of disrupting a system that's worked for everyone except the person who mattered most, which was you.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, you and you still do, and your growth isn't a betrayal of the people you love. Remember that.

SPEAKER_01

Rather, it's an invitation for that relationship to grow itself and become more honest, more reciprocal, maybe, more worthy of the people in it. And more real. And those relationships can definitely rise to that invitation.

SPEAKER_00

Yep, and those are worth keeping.

SPEAKER_01

Time to get personal. Oh, geez. All right. So we're gonna get personal.

SPEAKER_00

We always do. Okay.

SPEAKER_01

So what happened in your relationships when you started changing? Like when you launched the human group and you started showing up differently. Was there any relational fallout from that?

SPEAKER_00

I think there were some when you work a place so long and you're so close to your colleagues because you spend so much time at work, even if they're not physically in the same location, you get very close. And so there were definitely friendships that did not continue or survive, right? And I want to be honest because I think we tend to talk about friendship loss in very clean terms, right? Someone was toxic or someone was a bad friend, or it's actually really much messier. It's not as messy as that.

SPEAKER_01

All right. Speak the truth, Melissa. Tell them.

SPEAKER_00

So I mean, I had friendships that were built on the version of me in my work, the corporate friend, right? Um, maybe the one at work that was good to kind of call or vent to, right? Um, save the safe psychologically safe space. Or maybe I was the neighbor or the mom friend that was there, or the woman who seemed to have a certain kind of stability and predictability and professional identity that felt comfortable. But when I stepped out of that identity and I became my own entrepreneur and my managing my own business, a business that is branded of me, right? The counselor, the coach, the woman that was doing her own inner work and with others, some of those friendships just couldn't find their footing or I guess common ground. We just didn't have a common ground anymore. But I was okay. Um, and that was okay because I was more at peace with, you know, what I was doing and the fact that, you know, some of my colleagues were ramping up their careers and and and or like, you know, working toward retirement in some way. And I was just starting over.

SPEAKER_01

So that common ground had shifted.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. And I want to be careful not to make, you know, it sound like there's a villain. There's no villain here. And and it's just sometimes you grow in different directions. And that is generally sad, but it's right. Oftentimes it's right.

SPEAKER_01

And I also just want to say when that ground shifts, there's also no right and wrong. Like it's not wrong that colleagues chose to stay on their career trajectory when you decided to become an entrepreneur. So there's no, we're not saying that there's a right or wrong in choices you make. It's just being authentic and true to what you really desire and want.

SPEAKER_00

Right. To your purpose. And I think, you know, again, nothing was uh malicious or villain or anything. It was just you just grow apart. Okay, Anne, now your turn.

SPEAKER_01

I think things and some friendships changed when I started like releasing the armor and which we talked about in episode four. I think I noticed changes in some of my close relationships. Can you give an example of what you noticed? I think like people didn't know what to do with like a toned-down or softer version of me, like that I had been toughen my reputation in my professional life, and often like being the strong one in my personal life, too, and always kind of just taking charge, and the one who handles things and schedules the lunch dates and uh get togethers, the one kind of like you said, uh, when you were saying being the one who shows up like everything's always perfect, the one who doesn't mean anything and shows up for everybody else and requires very little in return. Um I saw that shift in friendships when I wasn't willing to do that anymore.

SPEAKER_00

So it was like you let down this armor as your identity and then Yeah, and actually needed like reciprocal friendships, you know, of hey, I need something, or hey, can you ask me about my family this time?

SPEAKER_01

Oh, can you ask me what's going on in my career this time? As opposed to like often feeling like I was being talked at and fine with it because I was helping people through their issues and their process without a single question over the entire lunch date, asked about what was going on with me. And now I feel like now that the armor's down, I really have no tolerance for that at all because it's probably my fault because I it essentially like trained our friendship in a certain way for so long that I did train them. And like it's kind of hard to admit that the dynamic wasn't imposed on me. I was a participant in building that dynamic, and then undoing it required me to be patient with people who quite honestly may be genuinely confused about like this more open, softer version of me who, like, hey, can you ask me how my day was? So who responded well to that? Well, you definitely did. Oh, thanks. Well, you always respond well to me, but I mean, I don't know, like, and here I am kind of being vulnerable and emotional. So well, it's about time. Well, and there were many people who like have responded really well to just a more open version of me. Um more real, more reciprocal, and more nourishing.

SPEAKER_00

And what about the ones that couldn't expand?

SPEAKER_01

You know what? Some of them I think are still adjusting, but um I've released my grip and I hold on much more loosely than I used to, and I'm totally at peace with that because the alternative is going back to the armor and being the one who like is always reaching out and being that person that everybody needs to show up when it's just exhausting, and quite honestly, it's not something I am willing to do anymore. That's the whole thing right there. And I think there's some sense of calm and peace in choosing your own growth in your own comfort over staying small in the comfort of others, even when it might cost you something.

SPEAKER_00

Yep. So let's just thank you for that. Let's uh time to shift gears, keep going here. The relationships that let's talk a little bit about what survives and what doesn't, right? So uh the This is practical reality because I know there are women listening right now who are in the middle of a relationship that's struggling under the weight of their evolution and they need real some real guidance.

SPEAKER_01

Nope, attitudes, like serious real guidance.

SPEAKER_00

Right. So let's let's talk about the relationships that actually can survive your reinvention, and then let's talk about the ones that can't.

SPEAKER_01

So let's figure out how do you know which is which, like who are the individuals or the relationships who can survive your reinvention, and then who are the ones in the relationships that can't?

SPEAKER_00

Well, they're signs, right? And I'll name them really clearly. Um, the relationship that can survive and evolve with you share some qualities, right? I'd say number one, there's a genuinely genuine goodwill on both sides. That other person, even if they're struggling with your changes, they fundamentally want good things for you and care about you and your family. The resistance may come may come out of fear of adjustment or you know adjusting, but not on a desire to hold you back.

SPEAKER_01

And I think there's a difference between somebody who loves you and is scared about like this potential change or shift, and then someone who loves the version of you that serves them.

SPEAKER_00

Yep. It's a it's a crucial difference, right? But there's also another sign, and the second one is that there's a willingness to have honest conversations, right? Meaningful honest conversations. So the relationship can hold this discomfort of real dialogue, even if they're hard, they're possible and they're safe and they're open.

SPEAKER_01

You can say the real thing and not have it destroy the relationship.

SPEAKER_00

Exactly. And, you know, thirdly, that there's this history of reciprocity, right? The relationship has at some point and in some form then genuinely mutual, right? There's this foundation there. And even in the current dynamic, um, it might need some recalibration.

SPEAKER_01

But it'll still survive. So let's talk about those relationships that cannot survive, or let's say are very likely not to survive. Right.

SPEAKER_00

Well, again, the signs are clear. And the first is that these relationships only function when you're smaller than you are, right? When you show up as your full self, direct, boundaried, honest, taking up space, the relationship breaks down every time.

SPEAKER_01

That's important information.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Yeah, it is. Very. Um, and the other thing, secondly, your growth is consistently framed as a problem, or maybe they're, you know, a comedy, right? Not once, not for a moment of fear, but consistently, repeatedly as a pattern that your ambition is selfish, or your boundaries are cold, or your authenticity is difficult, um, or you're just, you know, running after the wrong things. You know, if this is the recurring story, that story is not yours.

SPEAKER_01

It's about what you represent to that person and going back to what I said earlier, it's not you, it's seriously them.

SPEAKER_00

Right. Absolutely. And and the third thing, and this one is the hardest, hardest, hardest to admit, is you feel like you almost have to choose between the relationship and your own growth, like regularly as a pattern, not in one hard session, but as the ongoing condition of that relationship.

SPEAKER_01

And there's no true and real relationship that should require you to choose between you loving them and you loving and becoming yourself.

SPEAKER_00

Right. Love's that love that contingent on your smallness. Well, let's just say that's not love and it's not friendship, and it's it's convenience, and you deserve the real thing and for people to lift you up.

SPEAKER_01

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00

So, how do we bring people with us when they're willing? So, you know, before we get to the action items and like we always do, let's just spend a few minutes on this piece because it's really important. And uh we don't want to make this episode sound like change and watch your relationship burn because that's not at all what is, you know, always gonna happen.

SPEAKER_01

And we already had an episode calling burning it down. So we do not want to have that happen here, but we don't need two of those. So let's talk this through.

SPEAKER_00

Right. So, how to bring people with you through your evolution when they're willing, because many of them are, and they just need guidance on how.

SPEAKER_01

So, how do you bring a willing partner, a friend, or a family member along with you on this reinvention?

SPEAKER_00

You share it with them, right? Name what's happening, don't make people guess. Um, have the conversation. Hey, and I'm going through a significant personal awakening, right? I'm changing in some new ways and doing some things that matter to me. And I really want our relationship to be part of that evolution. I don't want it to be a casualty of it.

SPEAKER_01

Let's be real here. You know, I like to spook the truth. Most people have never had that conversation with somebody they love.

SPEAKER_00

Most people try to just change quietly, right? And then wonder why people feel so blindsided or destabilized. So I'm saying if you name it and put it on the table and have those conversations, then you give the people who love you a chance to actually show up for you.

SPEAKER_01

And I think in all fairness, that's the right thing to do, right? I mean, you know, justice and fairness one of my battle cries. So I guess don't blindside them, right? Have that conversation.

SPEAKER_00

So what else? Maybe give them a role, right? People feel less threatened by change if they have a place in your new story. Hey, Ann, I'm building something new in my business and I want your support. I've done this inner work and I need you to be patient with me because I'm becoming more of myself, but I want you to know what that is.

SPEAKER_01

So basically invite them in and ask for their support if they're willing to give it.

SPEAKER_00

Right. And don't just move along without them, right? I mean, rather than protecting them or, you know, doing it all on your own, which backfires, bring them inside. Let them be a part of it.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, but keep going with the bringing people with you.

SPEAKER_00

Okay. So we all have to be patient, right, with with ourselves and with others around us in this adjustment. So even the most willing, loving, or supportive people might need some time to recalibrate to this new version of you. So don't interpret every stumble as a resistance and don't read every awkward moment as a sign that the relationship can't survive.

SPEAKER_01

So essentially give people grace and have some patience.

SPEAKER_00

The same grace you'd want given to you as you figure out who you're becoming. Right. So next, let's go to one, actually, a couple more. You need to get support outside the relationship. And this one's important. And this is what we talked to before: whether it's your partner, your friends, your family, a therapist, a coach. You just cannot do this alone. And you cannot rely on, let's say, maybe just your partner. You have to bring other people in that maybe aren't as close because these people are too close. So ask for help and get some input.

SPEAKER_01

So basically, you need people who are not in your close social ecosystem.

SPEAKER_00

Exactly. And that's what I meant by like therapist coach, you know, community like this, right? There are women out there that maybe at some point um we will all come together in a retreat and they will meet and they will realize we are like soul people, soul friends, because we have a similar experience. So these women out there are going through the same thing, many people that are listening. And these people can hold you accountable without being like destabilized by you, right? Or flustered because of your change.

SPEAKER_01

And let me just say how lucky am I that I have you in my social ecosystem and a coach and therapist.

SPEAKER_00

So what's the final one? Well, just know when you really need professional help and don't. This is more around, like, you know, when it's really trying, like couple therapy or individual therapy or even a mediator and what they divorce. There's really no shame in bringing support in with relational relational adjustments or changes because sometimes it is more than two people can navigate alone. It's actually one of the bravest things you can do to get help and the best thing you can do for a relationship if you want to keep it.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, and just real quick. I just got to give a shout out to our spouses because I have to say they are like so supportive of us doing this, and they've been so supportive of every zany idea that we've come up with over multiple years in our friendship.

SPEAKER_00

So oh, that's true. And a leader that I worked under years ago was really good about this. And I remember her saying, I could not be where I am today without a partner that supports me. And uh absolutely.

SPEAKER_01

Absolutely. My husband's always been my biggest cheerleader for sure. So going back to, I just wanted to address that when we're talking about divorce and therapy. I don't want our spouses to get the wrong idea.

SPEAKER_00

That is not no, guys, no.

SPEAKER_01

Although maybe someday say it should work.

SPEAKER_00

Wait till they listen to our podcast.

SPEAKER_01

So basically, seeking help is an investment. It's an investment, not just in a relationship, but really it's investment in yourself if it's somebody who you want to along with you. Right. And getting help and seeking like that outside resource is definitely no admission of a failure.

SPEAKER_00

No, not at all. All right, we got to go to this last brief conversation.

SPEAKER_01

All right. So before we get to that action item, let's make space for something. I don't want anyone listening to feel like we skipped over the hardest part. The grief. And the grief of that relationship that doesn't make it, that friendship that fades, the connections that don't survive, the gap between who you were and who you're becoming.

SPEAKER_00

Grief isn't real. And we've talked about grief on prior episodes, but it deserves to be acknowledged.

SPEAKER_01

And you can know, like completely and clearly, that you are going in the right direction, that reinvention is necessary, and that the changes you're making are healthy and true and long overdue.

SPEAKER_00

Right. And grieve the relationships that couldn't come with you.

SPEAKER_01

And both things at the same time can happen, like without one canceling out the other.

SPEAKER_00

Right. Uh and I work with uh women who feel guilty about this grief. Like they're not allowed to be sad about losing a relationship if they changed, like it's their fault. And then they don't mourn it. They don't get to, they don't give themselves permission to mourn it.

SPEAKER_01

And that's not how like healthy grief worked, right?

SPEAKER_00

Absolutely not how grief works. You have to allow yourself to grieve relationships that couldn't survive your growth, even if, and especially if the growth was the right thing for you.

SPEAKER_01

And the grief definitely doesn't mean that you made the wrong choice in going along on your evolution.

SPEAKER_00

It means you loved the person. It means the relationship matter and they had a part in your life. You're human. All of that's allowed.

SPEAKER_01

And we all have to make sure that we give ourselves permission to grieve that relationship that doesn't come along with us for that person who doesn't come along with us.

SPEAKER_00

Mm-hmm. Honor it and then let it go through, feel it. Don't stuff it, don't rush it, don't let it talk you out of the growth that it caused.

SPEAKER_01

Because that price, your pain might be compromising yourself. So the grief might be a prod price of becoming who you are, and that's a price that's worth paying.

SPEAKER_00

Every single tier and every single dollar.

SPEAKER_01

So it's action item time. We all know Melissa loves the action items, and I know I make fun of her with these action items, but they truly are helpful. I'm just like not really, I'm a make a to-do list person, not an action item with such passion like you. So let's talk about this.

SPEAKER_00

To take action.

SPEAKER_01

So your action item for episode five. So let's talk about this one. And we want you to sit with this before you take your action because it's gonna bring things up.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. So why don't you start, Ann, with the first one? First thing you want them to do.

SPEAKER_01

So, first thing is uh take out a journal and map out your relationship ecosystem. Not everybody, just the people who are closest to you. And then next to each name, write honestly, how have they responded to the ways I've been changing?

SPEAKER_00

Is it expansion, adjustment, or resistance? Or maybe you haven't changed enough yet for them to have actually responded at all.

SPEAKER_01

And just observe, no judgment, just kind of observe what's actually happening in each of these relationships.

SPEAKER_00

Right. And then, second, ask yourself the question Ann raised today, which I love, is who in my life benefits from my smallness? You don't have to answer that today or when you're writing this down, but just be honest about it when you do write it down.

SPEAKER_01

Because you can't change a dynamic that you haven't named or labeled.

SPEAKER_00

Right. And third, identify one relationship in your life that you really want to intentionally bring with you along your reinvention journey and plan that conversation and how you want to have it, not to fix anything and not to do it all in one conversation, just to name what's happening, to open a door for a discussion and to bring those people in.

SPEAKER_01

Like what Melissa was saying earlier, I'm changing. I want us to change together. I need you to know that, or even I want you to be part of my journey. Yep, that's the conversation.

SPEAKER_00

It does not have to be any more complicated than that.

SPEAKER_01

And if you're sitting with the grief of a relationship that didn't make it or isn't making it, keep in mind that you're not alone in that. And it's okay to feel that grief and that sadness.

SPEAKER_00

Yep. So come find us on Instagram at the.interruption. Tell us what's coming up for you. You can also email us at interrupt at midlifeio.com. The community's here, really, for the real stuff, not just the inspiring parts.

SPEAKER_01

All of it's welcome.

SPEAKER_00

Yep, all of it. All right, episode five. We went some real places again today.

SPEAKER_01

We really did. And so we'll leave you with this.

SPEAKER_00

Your evolution is not a betrayal of the people who you love.

SPEAKER_01

It's an invitation for your relationship to become more honest, more real, and more worthy of everyone in those relationships.

SPEAKER_00

The relationships that can rise to the invitation are the ones really worth keeping.

SPEAKER_01

And the ones that can't, you release them with grace and you grieve them with honesty.

SPEAKER_00

And the relationship that matters most, the one with yourself, tends every other relationship you have.

SPEAKER_01

So keep doing the work, keep burning down what needs to go, and keep becoming who you are and who you're meant to be.

SPEAKER_00

Because those right people will find their way to the real you. They always do. Subscribe if you haven't already, leave us a review on Apple Podcasts. It helps other women find the conversation they need most.

SPEAKER_01

And share this episode right now. You think of one woman in your life who's in the middle of a relationship shift that she doesn't have the language for yet. Send it to her. So next week, we're going to do a deeper dive into the relationship conversation. We're going to be talking about friendship specifically, the friendship audit, who deserves a seat at your second act table, and how do you know it's going to be a good one? A really good one. And until then, keep interrupting the narratives that hold you back. Keep showing up as the truest version of you. You can win, especially when it disrupts the realm.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, see you next week.