What Real Friendship Actually Looks Like

Episode 01: What Real Friendship Actually Looks Like 

 Welcome to the first episode of Hot Takes and Holy Things, a new podcast for the students of Family Church in South Florida that tackles real questions students are asking and answers them through the lens of God’s Word. In this debut episode, hosts Jarvis Koyate, Cole Bearden, and Jake Kimbrell introduce the heart behind the show and its format of sharing bold “hot takes” and grounding them in Scripture. They begin with their first hot take: many students today don’t actually know what real friendship is. In a world shaped by group chats, social media streaks, and surface-level connections, it’s easy to mistake convenience and popularity for meaningful relationships. Today’s conversation explores why so many friendships feel shallow and temporary, and how Scripture paints a very different picture. Looking at passages like Proverbs 17:17 and Proverbs 27:17, our hosts unpack what real friendship looks like: consistent, truthful, sacrificial, and rooted in a desire to help one another grow closer to Christ. They also challenge students to stop waiting for better friends and start becoming the kind of friend the Bible describes. If you have ever wondered what real friendship should actually look like, this conversation is a great place to start!  

Quotes: 

“Our students don't have real friends. I would even say it like this: our students don't know what real friendship actually is.” — Jake Kimbrell [00:09:23] 

“We live in a world today that is creating shallow, temporary, and convenient friendship.” — Jarvis Koyate [0:10:01] 

“I think of a real friendship. I think of someone who's committed. It’s truthful, it's sacrificial, [and] it actually costs you something.” — Jarvis Koyate [0:13:39] 

“Real friends don't just make you laugh. They make you better. They push you closer to who God is calling you to be.” — Cole Bearden [00:14:49] 

“The way that you get [a real friend] isn't by waiting around, it's by becoming a real friend yourself.” — Cole Bearden [00:17:38] 

“For us as friends, we actually have to learn what it looks like to put other people's needs above our own.” — Jake Kimbrell [00:18:23] 

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode: 

Proverbs 17:17 

Proverbs 27:17 

Family Church Students on Instagram 

Family Church Students Linktree 

Family Church 

Family Church on Instagram 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to Hot Takes and Holy Things. This is the podcast for the students of Family Church in South Florida. We're tackling the real questions students are asking and bringing you hot takes backed by God's word. This is Hot Takes and Holy Things.

SPEAKER_02 0:16

Hey, what's going on, everybody? My name is Jake Kimbrell. I get the privilege of serving as the student pastor at Family Church Sherbrooke, and this is the Hot Takes and Holy Things podcast. Guys, I am here with the two best co-hosts that anyone could ask for anywhere. And guys, I'm gonna let you introduce yourself, but I wanted to just take a moment, just breathe the air. Just think about what's happening right now. I mean, this is a big day. And so I want to hand it over to Cole. Why don't you introduce yourself and then we'll jump to Jarvis?

SPEAKER_01 0:46

What's going on, guys? My name is Cole Beardon, and I am the high school student minister at Family Church Gardens. I'm married to my wife, Macy, and the father of my son, Miles. And you know what? Guys, I've got a birthday present that I've been waiting to give for a long time, and it's not for either of you. It's not my birthday. Yeah, my birthday's in June. And so right now, this podcast should be releasing on March 18th, which just happens to be my sister's birthday and Macy's sister's birthday. So shout out Carly and Haley. Happy birthday to you girls.

SPEAKER_00 1:17

Hey, let's give them three. Yeah, we got it. We're back. Hey, how's it going, students? My name is Jarvis Koyate. I'm the student minister at Family Church Sequesta. Married to my amazing wife, Hannah, and we got a little baby boy on the way. Come on. Drop the name, drop the name. Little Jalen Lamar Koyate. That's him. Named after Hannah's grandfather. Yep, named after Hannah's grandma. It's a future president right there. That's him. Come on. Well, hey, boys, I'm super excited. And I've been thinking about this story for a long time. I got a story, and the story is so good. I've been waiting to save the story for the right time to share with the boys.

SPEAKER_02 1:49

A little story time with Uncle Jarve? Yeah, a little story time with that.

SPEAKER_00 1:52

Are we gonna make this a regular segment on the pods? I might have a couple. Alright, so I've had the story for a while and I've been waiting to share it for a good time. I felt like this episode one is the right time to share it. Can I share it with you guys? Of course. Let's hear it. Alright. So one thing that Cole and I have in common is that this guy right here, Pastor Jake Kimbrell, he officiated both of our rights. I did. He did an incredible job.

SPEAKER_02 2:13

One of the greatest honors of my life.

SPEAKER_00 2:14

Yeah. No, it was an absolute honor. And so this past November, one of my childhood friends, Optimus Perez. That sounds real name, but that's like his musical name. He produces all my songs. Yeah, yeah. Right. Everyone knows Optimus. He just got married. And so the night before the wedding, all of his like close friends and family, they have like this rehearsal dinner.

SPEAKER_02 2:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:33

And so I'm sitting across the table from his older brother Dino. And he looks at me and Hannah and he goes, Man, Hannah, you look just like your dad. And Hannah and I kind of look at each other and we're like, interesting. That's weird because where's this guy? Yeah, anyone who knows Hannah knows that like Hannah looks a lot more like her mom. So like we're a little we're a little thrown off. So we're like, okay, that's weird. So like, oh, thanks. And then he goes, Man, just the other day I was thinking about your wedding, and your dad did such a great job. He goes, Your dad did such a great job officiating the wedding.

SPEAKER_02 3:16

I mean, you're just thinking how old does he think your dad is? How old does he think she is? How old does he think you are?

SPEAKER_00 3:23

I'm trying to avoid that part of the question. So in that moment, we realize, okay, he thinks Jake is anesthetic.

SPEAKER_01 3:29

All right, students drop in the chat how do you think Jake is plus or minus 15?

SPEAKER_02 3:33

I mean, I was gonna say how old I was, but I'm actually more interested in hearing what our students think. I've gotten into the 40s of people guessing that. That's crazy. Which is wild. I don't feel like I'm that old. I know I've got some kids, but I don't feel like I'm that old.

SPEAKER_01 3:46

You're not that old.

SPEAKER_00 3:47

Yeah, it was unbelievable. The second I heard that, I texted like in our group chats a mental note, which is like our sign. Oh, yeah. Which is like our sign for hey, I got a sore, can't say it right now, but just know I have one. I mean, dog, that was back in like November. Yeah, circle back. You've been holding on to that. I love that.

SPEAKER_02 4:02

I appreciate it. All right, everybody. Well, on the Hot Takes and Holy Things podcast, we have a few different segments that we're gonna roll through. We got a little word of the day that we're gonna start doing in episode two, but for today, we thought maybe we would bring one of our favorite games from student camp right here onto the pod. Let's do it. So, ladies and gentlemen, today is going to be the first ever great debate in hot takes and holy things history. And so you guys are very athletic, right? Very or you pretend to be.

SPEAKER_01 4:32

Yeah. Try to.

SPEAKER_02 4:33

And so I thought that I would ask you guys the question what sport is more technical? Volleyball or basketball? Yeah, oh Jake. Jarve, I know that you're you're a passionate basketball guy, the Boston Celtics, go see. Go see's. And Cole, you grew up your whole life playing volleyball as someone who's like six foot seven should do. You grew up playing volleyball. And you guys are both very good at those things. And so here's what we're gonna do. Uncle Jarve, I've got a timer in front of me. I'm gonna start with you. I'm gonna give you 30 seconds to prove to me, or really prove to the people, why you think that basketball is the more technical sport, or maybe even the more difficult sport. And so, on three, two, one, go.

SPEAKER_00 5:16

Hey, I know I got 30 seconds. I'm gonna start first five by saying Colts is so disrespectful that this is even a topic. It's so disrespectful. Volleyball takes three skills bump, set, spike. That's all you gotta do. Basketball off. Imagine a Steph Curry 2016. You gotta dribble, you're crossing people over, you're hitting fadeaway three-point shots from half court. Require skills. You're moving. You need to know how to dribble the basketball, you know how to cross over somebody, you're posting up somebody. Think about the hook shot. Think about Victor Wembenyama, seven feet tall, shooting a three-point shot into a basketball goal. I mean, what are we talking about here? It's very easy, very easy to play ball.

SPEAKER_02 5:56

Jarvis, I will say I don't actually think that you got through all of your argument. I get fired up because you were so passionate about it.

SPEAKER_01 6:02

Jarvis is red right now.

SPEAKER_00 6:03

Yeah, Jarvis is red. And I'm African American.

SPEAKER_01 6:10

Well, the record be no.

SPEAKER_02 6:11

Let the record. All right, all right. So, Cole, we're gonna go to you starting now.

SPEAKER_01 6:16

Yeah, I'm gonna use the first three seconds that I have to say, Jarvis. That was real cute. I know what you're about to say. Have you seen Steph Curry? Have you seen Kyrie? Have you seen Jordan? Have you seen Kobe? Of course I've seen all of those players. Great handles. But here's what I'll say Great. Have you seen Shaq? Have you seen Bam out of bio? Have you seen Clay Thompson? Are you four battles? Have you seen Derek White? Yeah, Cole, you are arguing for volleyball. This is my time. This is my time. Those four players that I just named, Shaq, Bam, Derek White, Clay Thompson, all of them have zero technical skill. Volleyball, on the other hand, okay, that was not 30 seconds. That's what you get. That was not 30 seconds.

SPEAKER_00 6:54

Cole, that's what you get for taking the first 20 seconds to describe why basketball is more technical. So I appreciate that. That was not 30 seconds.

SPEAKER_01 7:01

And you guys interrupted 10 of those seconds.

SPEAKER_02 7:03

That was one of 30 percent 30 seconds. And so I get the unfortunate job here of sitting with two of my best friends and having to decide who is the winner. I feel like you both completely missed the concept of what we were trying to do here. Neither of you really argued as to why the sport is more technical. It's episode one. But we did talk more about basketball than we talked about anything else. For a reason. And so I do unfortunately have to give the win to Uncle Jarvis. By technicality, also by technicality.

SPEAKER_00 7:31

Yeah. Basketball technicality. That's what we're talking about.

SPEAKER_01 7:33

It's not technical.

SPEAKER_00 7:34

All right. So hey, our next segment here is we're talking about student shout outs. Each week we're going to be shouting out a student, someone who is engaged in our student ministry often. Well, I think of this person of someone who's the church in here and also the church out there. Ah, that's good. All right. So today I want to shout out a very special group of people. And so I want to shout out for episode one, our advanced point leaders. Come on. Hey, let's give them three really quick.

SPEAKER_02 8:05

All right. That was on me. That was a little delete. I mean, we've practiced this for months. That was delete.

SPEAKER_01 8:09

No, I think the reason why that was so bad is because he's a basketball player, so he's a lot of the technical.

SPEAKER_02 8:15

Hey, I'll say this about our advanced point leaders. I mean, I think they did such a good job this year. And really for them, we kind of threw a curveball at them that we're going to do advanced local this year, advanced South Florida. And so they're going to be in their own neighborhoods, probably canvassing on doors of people that they know. I mean, there's the potential that their basketball coach or their volleyball coach could be on the other side of the door, yet they're still walking up there with confidence to go and share the gospel. And I just wanted to say I'm proud of all of our advanced students, but our advanced point leaders really made the trip something super special this year. And so I'm super appreciative of all those guys and girls.

SPEAKER_01 8:50

Come on, we love our advanced point leaders. Y'all did a great job. Killed it this year.

SPEAKER_02 8:54

All right, ladies and gentlemen. So on this podcast, obviously, we want to have a lot of fun. We want to talk about some great debates like basketball and volleyball and all those other things. But this is called Hot Takes and Holy Things for a reason. And so on this podcast, we want to give you some hot takes, and then we want to back those things up by scripture. And so, gentlemen, I have a hot take that I have prepared for us today that we've talked about a little bit, but I want our people to know what it is. Let's hear it. So the hot take for episode one of Hot Takes and Holy Things is this our students don't have real friends. I would even say it like this our students don't know what real friendship actually is.

SPEAKER_01 9:32

Come on, say it again for the people in the back.

SPEAKER_02 9:35

I agree. Our students don't know what real friendship is I mean, cold, they're not like when we're talking in the backseat of the car. Our students don't know what real friendship is. Now hear me out. I know maybe you're listening to this and you're going, well, I actually have a lot of friends, and I actually I know a lot of different people, and I'm dapping up people on the hallway at school and all those kind of things. But here's what I really mean by that is we live in a world today that is creating shallow, temporary, and convenient friendship. The world that we live in today has almost just taken the word commitment and thrown it in the trash. And so right now, there's a lot of people having the conversation. Someone said they said I I loved this word they used. They said that we're living in what we're calling a friendship recession. All right. And the thing about a friendship recession means that we're actually losing a lot of real friendship faster than we're gaining it. That's good. So we're losing a lot of real friendship and we're actually replacing it with convenient, temporary, and shallow friendship that's just not going to last.

SPEAKER_01 10:42

Jake, I like that. Because I think if I think if our students are listening to this, I think they're probably thinking about all the friends that they have. Well, oh, you know, I've got a massive Snapchat streak, or oh, I've got like a thousand pokes with my friend on Facebook, or oh, uh, I've got all these different group chats that I'm a part of, or I've got all these followers on Instagram, or whatever else it might be. And all of those things may be true, but how many of those are translated into the real world? How many of those are actual like friendships where those people are connecting on a daily basis face to face, and there's some depth and some meaning to that friendship and to those relationships.

SPEAKER_00 11:19

You know, it kind of reminds me of when I think of this, it reminds me of college football. Yeah, you guys are big college football fans, you know, go Bulldogs. Go dogs. You know, I'm a big Liberty Flames fan, fan of the Flames. But you guys know how it goes, right? A player commits to a school, okay, he posts this big hype video, he puts on the fancy hat, okay, it's hype. But then two weeks later, right, what happens? He decommits. See ya. Why? Because something shinier came along.

SPEAKER_02 11:42

You know, I think as a Georgia Bulldog fan, unfortunately, Cole and I have had to endure this a few times with some very highly rated or coots. I mean, there's two quarterbacks, Dylan Rayola and Jared Curtis, who are both the number one quarterback in the class. I don't know what it is about Georgia and not being able to get these guys, but they come up right to the last minute, right on signing day. And then they flip to a different school. And it's always because there's more money or it's a flashier opportunity, or because they want the convenience of being able to play right now without really having to earn the spot. And Cole, I love those examples that you gave earlier about group chats and all those kinds of things. Because I find myself every year, I don't know about you guys, having to scroll through to the bottom when Apple tells me I'm almost out of storage and I'm just deleting group chat after group chat after group chat that at one time I was really excited to be in, and then now it's just dead.

SPEAKER_01 12:31

And you know what, Jarvis, I love that example that you give with college football because if we're honest, it's not just football that we see that, because that's how a lot of us do friendships. That's how a lot of our friendships are. Like we're all in in these friendships until something more fun or something more popular, something more convenient comes along. But you know what? Listen, like if we're gonna talk about convenient friendships and how they won't ever carry us through the hard times and how all of our friendships might actually be easy friendships that are surface level, that are comfortable, that are convenient, then we don't actually know what real friends are. And so if we're gonna talk about that, then I think Jarvis, it's important for us to understand what an easy friendship is versus a real friendship.

SPEAKER_00 13:16

Yeah, cool. I think that's great. I think we need to define what each of those are. So when I think of an easy friendship, I think of a friendship that's convenient, I think of one that's fun, and it really costs you nothing. But at the same time, it doesn't last.

SPEAKER_02 13:29

Right. So like the second that there's any kind of difficulty, there's a scheduling conflict, all of a sudden now that friend's just in the rearview mirror, the world would tell you you're better off without him.

SPEAKER_00 13:39

Correct. 100%. And then I think of like a real friendship. I think of someone who's committed, okay? It's uh truthful, it's sacrificial, and it actually costs you something.

SPEAKER_02 13:49

Right, right. Those friends are gonna stick it out until the end. Even if it's can inconvenient for them, those people are there to stay, and that is a real friendship.

SPEAKER_00 13:58

Absolutely. And a real friend isn't the one who just makes life easy, okay? They're the ones who are there who stays with you when life gets hard.

SPEAKER_01 14:08

That's good. But now remember, guys, this is hot takes and holy things, right? So we're not just about dropping hot takes here, but we want to take these hot takes and we want to make the conversation holy. We want to root it in scripture. So here's what the Bible actually tells us about friendship that makes this hot take so holy. Right? I think of passages like Proverbs 17, 17. It says, A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. In other words, a real friend doesn't just love you when it's easy, they love you when it's hardest. Or, Jake, I think of your favorite verse, Proverbs 27, 17.

SPEAKER_02 14:45

Yeah, great verse.

SPEAKER_01 14:46

As iron sharpens iron. So one person sharpens another. Real friends don't just make you laugh, they make you better, they push you closer to who God is calling you to be.

SPEAKER_02 14:56

And I want to jump in because the reason why I think that's one of my favorite verses is because it really makes me think about you guys. It makes me think about the fact that there have been so many different things that have come up in life, you know. But when you look at our wives and how they are friends, and you look at us and our friendship that we have together, I mean, sure, maybe there are some times whenever getting together can be really inconvenient. Maybe there are some times whenever it's actually difficult for us to all be together, or maybe sometimes like we have to hold one another accountable and have hard conversations. But that's what real friends do. And I know that for you guys, anytime that you come to me and want to bring something to me about, hey, Jake, I think maybe you could do this better or that better, because of the friendship that we've built, I believe the best about you guys. And I know that you're bringing that to me because you want me to be the best dad that I can be. You want me to be the best husband that I can be. You want me to be the best pastor that I can be. Now you guys want me to be the best podcast co-host that I can be.

SPEAKER_01 15:51

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 15:52

And so when I think about that verse, it just reminds me of kind of the relationships that we've built. And so I just want to say I appreciate you guys. I think that you guys are great models of this.

SPEAKER_01 16:01

And you know what, Jake, it's an honor to be doing this podcast with you and to honestly have those things said about me, Jarvis said about you. Because that is exactly how I view our friendship, is we all get to make each other better and to push each other closer to Jesus. Uh uh.

SPEAKER_00 16:15

You know, one thing I find interesting, I have a question on like I wonder why do our students struggle to find real friends?

SPEAKER_02 16:23

I think it's a good question. I think the world that we live in sets up the mold or really casts the vision for shallow friendship. Like I hate hearing the words, oh well, you're better off without them. Like, all that screams is is convenient and temporary and shallow and not really good for anything. And Cole, I love that we just talked about the Bible because God actually has a design for our friendship and it is not that. And so in my mind, when I'm thinking about what are the things that our friends do, if your friends hype you up online, but they never actually call you out, that's not friendship, that's just flattery. Or if your friends only want to hang out with you when it's fun, but when times are hard and it's difficult and now they're they're kind of over it, they disappear. That's not friendship, that's convenience. And if your friends flip on you at the last second, maybe when something more convenient comes along, or maybe when something looks more appealing, that's not friendship, that's just fandom.

SPEAKER_01 17:19

That's good, Jake. And you know what? We always want to point our students back to Jesus. And so here's the thing that you should be modeling in your friendships. We want to help you guys understand. Well, if you want real friendships, then you need to know what you should be looking for in those friendships. And so you don't need 200 convenient friends, you just need two or three real ones. And the way that you get them isn't by waiting around, it's by becoming a real friend yourself. So here's some of the things that you should be modeling.

SPEAKER_00 17:46

Yeah, I think uh one way that we can model this is by being consistent. I think that showing up even when it's hard. I think it's super important.

SPEAKER_01 17:55

That's good, Jarvis. I think we can also model this by being truthful, not just being honest, but speaking the truth in love, calling out our friends when they need to be called out and corrected.

SPEAKER_02 18:05

Yeah, I think let's go back to the best example of all time of being a true friend. Let's let's look at Jesus. Come on. You look at how he loved his disciples, you looked at how he loves us. He loved us so much that he'd be willing to die on the cross for us. Like Jesus, the true friend of sinners, modeled for us how to be sacrificial. And so for us as friends, we actually have to learn what it looks like to maybe put others' people's needs above our own. And sure, maybe sometimes it's inconvenient, maybe sometimes it's difficult, but that's the model of friendship that we are called to show to other people.

SPEAKER_00 18:39

And that's great. And so whenever we give these kinds of hot takes, I never wants to just listen to them and then not do anything about them.

SPEAKER_01 18:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:47

Don't want to be hearers of the word, we want to be doers. Doers of the word. That's good, brother Cole. And so right now I want to give a challenge to our students, right? You think we can do that? Let's see.

SPEAKER_02 18:55

I mean, we're all about challenging spiritual experiences. Come on. So let's do it.

SPEAKER_00 18:58

That's what we do. All right. So, hey, since we're coming out of advance, okay. Our students for the past six weeks, they've been doing their devotionals, they've been going through a lot of different spiritual disciplines. I want them to start a Bible reading plan with some students in their student ministry. And you know what? After you guys are in that Bible reading plan, I want you to screenshot it. I want you to share it. You can share it at GoFC Students on Instagram and tag us in it. We want to see you guys' Bible reading plans that you guys are doing with each other.

SPEAKER_01 19:23

That's good, Jarvis. I love that. Shout out to some of my Gardens girls. Actually, they sent me a screenshot the other day of a Bible reading plan that they started with all their friends, and it made my heart happy.

SPEAKER_02 19:33

All right. Well, if you're those girls, here's what we want you to do. We want you to screenshot that. I want you to post it on GoFC Students on your story, tag us, and then we want to share that and let everyone see what you guys are doing. So, Jarvis, I love that challenge, especially right out of advance. We talk all the time. Advance doesn't have to stop right now. That's right. Advance can keep going. And so let's keep doing those things. But everybody, I want to thank you for listening to the very first episode of Hot Takes and Holy Things. And so, on behalf of Cole, Jarvis, and myself, it's been a great episode. Thanks for tuning in. Gentlemen, let's give them three.

SPEAKER_01 20:07

Thanks for tuning in to Hot Takes and Holy Things. To stay up to date on new episodes, follow us on Instagram at GoFC Students. Share this podcast with a friend and send us your questions. We'd love to talk about the stuff you care about. Catch you next time on Hot Takes and Holy Things.