Ep 4 - Do we need friends?

In this episode Sarah and Cameron get distracted, discussing smelly people, cottage cheese and whether or not you need friendships to have a happy life. Guest appearance by Betty The Whippet. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:14

Welcome to Midlife Youth Club with me, Cameron Jack.

SPEAKER_00 0:18

And me, Sarah Simons.

SPEAKER_02 0:20

Welcome.

SPEAKER_00 0:20

Right, so this week we've got all sorts to talk about. We've got our icons of the week. We've got our what's up, you little rabbit hole.

SPEAKER_02 0:28

Yes, or down.

SPEAKER_00 0:29

Or down your rabbit hole, either or.

SPEAKER_02 0:31

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 0:31

And we've got our theme. Cameron, what is our theme for this week?

SPEAKER_02 0:35

Our theme this week is, and this is massive. Do we need friends?

SPEAKER_00 0:41

Do we need those friends?

SPEAKER_01 0:42

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's not friends.

SPEAKER_00 0:44

Those friends, not those friends. Do we need friends? So that's quite a big one to explore, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 0:50

I feel like I could talk for hours on that.

SPEAKER_00 0:53

Yeah. Yeah. Well, we do talk for hours, don't we? Before we get into our icon of the week. Ooh, a theme! Um, have you got any news for me? Has anything exciting happened since I last saw you?

SPEAKER_02 1:09

A couple of nice auditions. Um didn't get a massive job film. I I I'd seem all private and it's like I'm keeping information at myself. You're not allowed to say it. But I'm not allowed to say. But it was a big film, didn't get it. Thanks, but no thanks. We've gone in a different direction, you know that.

SPEAKER_00 1:27

Yeah, but that's just an actor's life, isn't it? It's just an actor's life.

SPEAKER_02 1:30

But I'm now up for a film with uh Channing Tatum.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

Oh yeah. Nice.

SPEAKER_02 1:36

So I Is he Magic Michael? He was Magic Michael, he was one of the Magic Michaels.

SPEAKER_00 1:40

I've never seen that, but I know it's a thing. Has it got men's bottoms in it?

SPEAKER_02 1:44

It has a think, yeah. Strippings. Um so up for that. Um we've got to the last two for a commercial. Um didn't get that. So it's it's the usual. It's uh lots of auditions, lots of auditions, wait until one lance. Yeah. I have got my episode of Unforgotten coming up as well.

SPEAKER_00 2:05

Unforgotten?

SPEAKER_02 2:06

Yeah, getting written back in as a character I played during the Covid, which we spoke about.

SPEAKER_00 2:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:11

So yeah, that's lovely. So I'm getting busy and trying for more.

SPEAKER_00 2:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:16

What about you? What have you been up to?

SPEAKER_00 2:18

I've been away on holiday.

SPEAKER_02 2:19

Yeah, you went up Egypt, didn't you?

SPEAKER_00 2:20

I did. I went up Egypt. Me and my partner went my partner. I don't know what you're supposed to call him at this age. It feels weird saying boyfriend because you know he's 55.

SPEAKER_02 2:30

Other half?

SPEAKER_00 2:31

No, I don't like other half because it it makes me think that I'm not complete on my own, and I am.

SPEAKER_02 2:36

Love interest.

SPEAKER_00 2:37

My love interest. My fancy man.

SPEAKER_02 2:39

Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_00 2:41

Me and my fancy man went to Egypt. We went to Shamal Sheikh. It was a lovely like beach holiday. We did some excursions.

SPEAKER_03 2:49

You did.

SPEAKER_00 2:50

We went on we went driving like June buggies in the in the sands, which was really good fun. It was covered in muck.

SPEAKER_02 2:57

Um your love interest's a bit of an action, man. He likes to activities.

SPEAKER_00 3:01

He does, he likes activities. So I'm doing new things that I probably wouldn't have done before. We went on a water park and I went down one of those slides. You did, you know, with the massive tubes where you're on a thing, and you it felt like I was in a slow-motion car crash which was happening underwater. I did not enjoy it. I don't think it's pleasant. It went really, really fast, and then I came out and water went up my nose. I didn't know if my contact lenses were going to fly out.

SPEAKER_03 3:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:27

And it was just very stressful. But I did it, he did it at the same time. He was on a different one at the same time, so we shot out, and it was like, Woo! Let's go again!

SPEAKER_02 3:36

He would have found it fun, but please tell our punters about the man falling off the camel. Which you're not a half. Yeah, we found a ladies.

SPEAKER_00 3:47

We went camp, we went riding on camels, and uh you know, I've done some horse riding lessons in the past couple of years.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

As I know, I know as my trying new horse riding and paddle and reformers pilots. What is going on with you? You just used to go to the pub.

SPEAKER_00 4:00

I know, I'm learning new things. Um, yeah, so when we were on the camel, I felt camels, I felt kind of okay, but I was treating it like it was horse, so I was gripping it, gripping it with my thighs, you know, gripping it. So as it was wandering about, I felt quite secure. And then when we were getting off, these two fellas um who were the the the camel wranglers um came to help me off, and so as the camels kneeling down and going back, there were these two blokes either side uh helping the bloke next because they'd given me their attention, the bloke next older bloke next to me, and he must have been like in his 60s. I'd got off the camel, yeah. He was he was older than us, right? I wasn't saying older bloke, he was older than us, because 60, you know, you're just starting.

SPEAKER_01 4:48

You're just starting.

SPEAKER_00 4:49

Um yeah, 60's the new 25. Um yeah, I got off, and as I turned round, I heard poof and I was like, what? And this fella had just fallen completely shot off his camel as the camel was kneeling down, and so much so that he was on his front and he was still his hands were like that, he was still holding on to the front of the camel bit, and it was still like in his in his on his kind of as if he was bending down on his knees, he was in the exact same position he'd been on. And my first thing was to go, Oh, are you alright? Are you alright? And I looked over, and my boyfriend was like this. He was trying so hard not to laugh, and then and I was like, Stop it, stop it. And it was the he couldn't stop laughing as soon as we were somewhat the bloke was fine, he had a little bit of a hurty shoulder, yeah. But he was he died. The bloke was fine, but it was like such a bang on the floor.

SPEAKER_02 5:54

Do you remember my like my rabbit hole a few weeks ago with people falling over?

SPEAKER_00 6:00

Yeah, and do you know what? About for the rest of the day, about every hour or so, I'd just see my partner with like chuckling and proper tears rolling down his face. He found it so ill, and then for the rest of the holiday, actually, every so often I'd catch him and I'm like, what? And it was just like, Oh, that camel, that bloke falling off the camel, oh it was brilliant. And the other thing was all the men there, because it seemed like the the only ladies who worked in that we're in like an all-inclusive big place. And okay, oh, someone's done well for themselves. Um it was almost all run by men apart from in the beauty in the beauty parlour, yeah. But everyone referred to him as boss or boss man.

SPEAKER_02 6:44

Mecke.

SPEAKER_00 6:45

Yeah, you're right, boss man. They referred to all men as boss men and boss man, and if I was with him, I I'd be completely ignored. But he found it very hilarious that every every like receptionist, every every man there who was, you know, doing there was no waitresses, it was all waiters. There was no reception, you know, ladies on any sort of it was all men, but every time they called him boss or boss man, he'd do this. He's very mature because he was so excited by it.

SPEAKER_02 7:16

And they didn't call you boss women.

SPEAKER_00 7:18

No, well at first when they used when when they were saying yes boss, I'd go, excuse me, yes. Thinking assuming they were talking to me.

SPEAKER_03 7:25

Because you're you're in charge.

SPEAKER_00 7:27

Yeah, yeah, just in general, yeah. But no, I was either completely ignored as a female, or if I was if I was with him, yeah, or if I was on my own, I'd have all the attention ever. Yeah. Which was a little bit uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_02 7:42

Did you stray from the complex from the all in the shop?

SPEAKER_00 7:47

We did. We went for well, we went out on that trip, but we went on a went looking at the shops which were just like knockoff shops.

SPEAKER_02 7:54

I love a knockoff shop. I do, I can't be doing that. Oh no, I love a knockoff shop.

SPEAKER_00 7:57

Knock-off handbags, knock-off jewellery, and they're not they're not, they weren't shy about being you know, there was what a s a Tesco's, which obviously wasn't a Tesco's. It was a Tesla Fresco's. No, it was called Tesco's. They've got this range of clothes shops called George Clooney's menswear or something. And there's a picture of George Clooney on it. It's like, is it though?

SPEAKER_02 8:19

Does George know?

SPEAKER_00 8:20

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 8:20

I don't think he does.

SPEAKER_00 8:22

And there's a lot, you know, there's a lot of them, but they're not shy in in in going, these are knockoff, these are all, you know.

SPEAKER_02 8:29

Sometimes they put a wee twist on the name like George Looney or Bazda.

SPEAKER_00 8:33

They didn't, yeah, Bazda. They didn't bother at all. But we did go out once to have a little look around the shops, but as we were going out of the hotel, you know, there was every time you come in and out of the hotel, there's they put mirrors sort of under the cars and check and they they have people with dogs and guns and stuff. Right. Coming and sniff at us. So we did get a little bit not sure how to do that.

SPEAKER_02 8:54

I forget sometimes with dogs like that, like police dogs, sniffer dogs. I forget they're working. And airports are dog!

SPEAKER_00 9:02

Well, these were like massive wolves, and I thought as much as I do want to give that dog a cuddle, it might have my arm off.

SPEAKER_02 9:08

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:08

So yeah, so that's what I've been up to.

SPEAKER_02 9:11

How was the food?

SPEAKER_00 9:12

Oh, nice, it was lovely. I put on nine pounds in a week.

unknown 9:16

Fuck it.

SPEAKER_00 9:17

Nine pounds. It's holiday, right? It's a holiday, I know, but I don't want I don't want to be creeping back up to like my biggest size. I went down to my smallest, I lost nine stones, and then I've put like a stone well, two stones in total back on now. So I'm I'm getting that back off. Yeah. I'm getting that back off. But a lot of it was because I came off my injections because I had my knockers lifted and um lifted and made smaller. So my body thank you. So my body has changed shape a lot, but I came off the medicine for sort of three months, and that's kind of messed me about. But I'm back on it now, so I'm gonna get back down to the size that I want to be, which is which is fine, I've just gotta keep an eye on it.

SPEAKER_02 10:05

We spoke very briefly about to come back to weight loss. Uh I've got a film I have to mention it a couple of times that I've written a co-producing and I'm hoping to play the lead in, but I have to lose two stone because it's uh backstory, but um I don't know how we'll do that. I'm just gonna have to try and do it. The food's brilliant, innit? The food is brilliant, it's really nice. Noodle doodles, angel delight.

SPEAKER_00 10:31

Sandwiched spread.

SPEAKER_02 10:32

Oh, sandwiched bread.

SPEAKER_00 10:34

Oh Prince's cherry pie filling.

SPEAKER_02 10:39

I thought you were talking about the Prince's beef paste that you put in.

SPEAKER_00 10:42

Yeah, but beef paste also, but Prince's cherry pie filling. But Prince's cherry pie filling, that's quite hard to say. Do you know you can't you can't get it anywhere? I've been looking for it.

SPEAKER_02 10:53

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 10:54

I've been in all different I can't even get it off the internet. Cherry pie filling.

SPEAKER_02 10:59

It won't be the same, does it not be an Aldi version or a little version?

SPEAKER_00 11:02

I've been, can't find one. So if anybody knows where I can get cherry pie filling, it's not cherries in juice, it's just like in this real thick sugary.

SPEAKER_02 11:10

You just want to fill your pie.

SPEAKER_01 11:16

Right.

SPEAKER_00 11:17

Right, icon of the week. Icon of the week. Um, who is your icon of the week, Cameron Jack?

SPEAKER_02 11:24

Okay, so I have a very definite icon of the week, and it is Mr. Drumroll, please. John Davison, um, the Tourette's campaigner, that the film I Swear is based on. And I watched the film so in the 80s there was a documentary on John Davison called John's Not Mad, and it was a documentary about his Tourette's journey as a kid, and I remember watching it and thinking, What's uh an amazing bloke, just the the the courage, the fortitude.

SPEAKER_00 12:01

So you see, I remember watching it and going to school the next day, and everybody was going, Fuck off! Yeah, it's alright, got Tourette's Yeah, I remember only saying awful things to everybody all the time and then going, It's alright, got tourette's because it's the first time we'd ever. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 12:15

That's what I was gonna say. So nobody was familiar with it.

SPEAKER_00 12:17

No, it was a thing at all. And so it seemed like just at that time, before we knew anything properly about it, it seemed like an excuse just to shout and swear and say horrible things to people and then go, it's kids, kids for you, innit?

SPEAKER_02 12:30

So a couple of years ago, maybe two and a half years ago, I was asked to audition for a film called I Swear, which is the film of John Davison's life. Um I got the gig and couldn't do it because I was doing something else, so I had a sort of vested interest in it. I watched it the other week, it's an incredible film. Yeah, and the central performance because Robert uh the lead actor is from Hull, does an incredible Scottish accent, and it's just a beautiful, beautiful performance and rightly deserving of the BAFTA. And there were some actors in that category. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:07

So that's so John John Davidson, John Davidson, yeah, MB. John Davidson, MB. Yeah, because he's done loads and loads of work, hasn't he, in in um inclusion and and kind of explaining what it's about and making people who have Tourette's feel feel normalized and feel like seen seen, you know. So he's done a lot of work in in um in that sort of inclusion inclusive area, aren't they?

SPEAKER_02 13:35

Credible, brilliant credible blook. Yeah. Who's your icon of the week?

SPEAKER_00 13:40

Oh, my icon of the week is oh, lovely Pamela Anderson. Oh my god. Oh, love Pamela Anderson.

SPEAKER_02 13:48

So I had I told you I had the posters of Pamela Anderson when I was at drama school on my wall.

SPEAKER_00 13:53

The Baywatch posters with that tiny little bikini. No, no, the little red swimsuit, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_02 13:59

Yes. Which and and Barb Wire was her sort of post-Baywatch movie, yeah. She was a kind of action hero. Yeah, but she's an incredible woman.

SPEAKER_00 14:09

Yeah, and I've there's been a few documentaries of her in in recent years, documentaries and and dramas about her life when she was you know in that in that time in the 90s. And you know, she went through a lot, didn't she? Really did, and she just comes across in all of those as a lovely human being, yeah. Clever, funny, really talented actor. Yeah, she is, and almost the way she looks is kind of secondary. It's something that other people are have have put on her rather than uh a way that she seems to kind of identify with. I think she's aware of what she looks like, but it's not her, it's it's not her identity.

SPEAKER_02 14:49

She's not uh I've seen a couple of interviews, I saw her on Graham Norton, she's not not a lot of makeup and yeah, that's a new that's a thing, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 14:58

That she she doesn't it's kind of she was so well known for having this look, this makeup hair and look with you know really full-on brows, uh you know, that it was those tiny little brows, loads of eye makeup, loads of like really obvious makeup, and she looked brilliant in it, it was very glamorous, very, you know, that kind of 90s glamour. She looked fabulous, but she's being in some ways kind of rebellious nowadays by turning up to um premieres and stuff with uh or or fashion shows, you know, you know, really big fashion shows without any makeup on.

SPEAKER_02 15:32

Yes, which and she's so beautiful, she's gorgeous, absolutely beautiful, you know. Is she seeing the Liam Neeson?

SPEAKER_00 15:40

I don't know. I'd like to think she was. I'd like to think she was.

SPEAKER_02 15:43

Yeah. Um you were talking about the 90s. Do you remember that whole La Dette culture?

SPEAKER_00 15:49

La Det, yeah. God. And I wonder if that was a a bit of a pushback to the whole, you know, glamour, Pamela Anderson, you know, all of that sort of business. But then part of it was that sort of feminism, which was owning your own body. So if a woman wanted to wear next to nothing, that was absolutely her right to do so.

SPEAKER_02 16:12

Yeah. Um do you remember all those magazines, zoo, nuts, heats, all those they're all gone now, aren't they?

SPEAKER_00 16:20

Well, the men's ones are.

SPEAKER_02 16:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:23

And I shall tell you a reason why.

SPEAKER_02 16:26

Ooh!

SPEAKER_00 16:27

Woo!

SPEAKER_02 16:27

Is this psychology-based?

SPEAKER_00 16:29

It is. Go on. Um, a professor that um I know. Um You know a professor. I do get her. Um, he did a piece of work years ago where and I'm uh apologies for my kind of uh muddling up exactly what happened, but it was a big study where there were quotes from them these magazines, and it was when these magazines were, you know, really, really big. Quotes from these magazines about how men are describing women, and there was also a series of quotes how convicted rapists were also describing women, and in this study, um, of lots and lots of people, they had to guess which was the lads mags and which was the convicted rapists, and people couldn't tell. There was people weren't saying, Oh, this is obviously a lads mag and this is a convicted rapist, how he talks about how he talks about women. And this piece of research got so much publicity because it was quite shocking, and it really made made people go, hang on. Is this how is this how like it's okay to talk about women in this way? And it was on got loads of media coverage, and it was not long after that that those magazines sort of ended. Yeah, they were all that's because of this because and it was you know partially due to this piece of research that's incredible that was proper psychology, scientific research. It wasn't, you know, it wasn't um a cosmo quiz. No, um yeah, couldn't tell the difference.

SPEAKER_02 18:05

That's academia doing its thing, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:07

It is, yeah, but kind of pushing culture forward, yeah, you know, and and kind of alerting us to things that are happening that we're not really noticing. So hooray! I'm a big fan of that professor. Big fan. He's done lots of really interesting stuff. Um so I think we've covered our ideas.

SPEAKER_02 18:24

I'm a professor of chat.

SPEAKER_00 18:25

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:26

Yes, that's why I'm doing a podcast. I wish I was a professor. So Pamela, we're Pamela, we've we've done with it.

SPEAKER_00 18:34

We've done Pamela, we've done John Davis, and let's go to our main theme, which is do you need friends?

SPEAKER_02 18:41

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 18:43

Alright, well, that's it then. The end. Goodbye.

SPEAKER_02 18:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:46

Are friends important to you, Cameron?

SPEAKER_02 18:48

Oh god, yes, yes. So are they important to you?

SPEAKER_00 18:53

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 18:54

Yes, yes, so yeah, we're done. Um as I've got older and had some trials and tribulations, um, that's when you realise the importance of it. Yeah, yeah. And there's a somebody, uh I think it was Hannah Jane Fox, my lovely friend, who uh I was in Weeble Rocky with and we were at drama school with mega talent. She described friendship to uh to me as like a train. So you get on the train when you're a kid, that's your train journey, and you progress through the station, and every so often at the station somebody gets off, but somebody else will get on. Yeah, and the train progresses, more people get off, friends get off, friends get on, and by the time you get to the end of the journey, there's just a few you sit in the carriage, and I just thought it was a beautiful she's a smart girl, so it's a really beautiful way to put it. Um that is lovely. Yeah, I lean on my friends a lot. Um obviously I've spoken to you. Uh I mean I live on my own.

SPEAKER_00 19:57

You're still leaning on this cushion, aren't you? Your comfort cushion. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:03

Um like a small child. So I've noticed I live on my own, um, hang out with my kid a lot, and I hang out with the dog a lot, and I don't feel I need much more than that, where I'm at now, but I do lean on those old friends a lot. Um and what I think happens as you get older is the circle sort of decreases. Remember that sitcom ever decreasing circles. I wonder what that was about. But it's the the the friendship groups become the group becomes smaller, but everybody has a bigger part to play. Can I shout out to people? Ian Byers, Stuart Dale, Stephen Palfriman, and my cis my sislorna is like one of my best mates. I've missed dozens of people. But what tends to happen is particularly, I don't know if you're at this, um, Sarah Moth, as I call her, Sarah Simons. Um I'm talking about sorry.

SPEAKER_00 21:08

That was like pulling teeth, wasn't it? Right. Trying to get him to remember that I'm that I am one of his friends and I'm sat actually next to him on a sofa talking about friends. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 21:18

Yeah, but you remember you're in charge of editing, so do this. Ian Byers, Sarah's diamonds, uh Lorna Matt away my sister. Um, Stuart Dale. So so what I've noticed is particularly when I'm stressed or in a time of crisis, or also when things are going well, I tend to lean on the same people, and there's only a few of them. I've got loads of lovely friends who are like great, we can chat and chat and chat, but there's a really tight group of people, maybe four or five. I'm sure you're the same. Yeah, I am and I'm in there, but um, not anymore. I'm not not anymore. But I I kind of gravitate towards the same people but it's just a small group.

SPEAKER_00 22:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:05

And I I've something interesting. So obviously I've spoken to you about financial stresses and strains which most actors have. I've noticed with those friends when I talk about stress they always say the same thing. We'll sort it. They don't say you'll sort it. They all have said at different times we'll sort it. Like they're there with you.

SPEAKER_00 22:32

Yeah yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:33

And that's why they're important. I think obviously there's a social aspect I have great friends a sort of there's a tighter group that I just really like they're still they were on the train a long time ago and they'll be on the train at the end.

SPEAKER_00 22:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:49

Do you think that they're important?

SPEAKER_00 22:53

Yeah friends have become increasingly important in my life I'm a bit of a loner I like being on my own. Yeah so do I I really value friends but I also I I'm very happy on my own I like going to the theatre on my own like going to the cinema cinema on my own I like going to the cinorama on my own do you like going for meals on your own? Not as much but it doesn't it doesn't bother me to go on my own but I don't as I wouldn't as much enjoy going for a meal on my own. But I feel quite empowered when I do as you know I've talked about it before how massively my life's changed over the past few years. I was married for you know 45 years. And then my marriage ended really abruptly and so I was married since I was you know I was in that relationship since I was sort of 23. Yes. So for the majority of my adult life I'd been part of that relationship and then I wasn't and it was it was very abrupt and um not and it was very shocking to me and to lots of you know well everybody who knows us who knowed me knew me and who knew who knowed me and who knowed and ex and um and and at that point I was I just thought I'm gonna have to make a plan to get through this otherwise I d I don't know what I'm gonna do. So I thought brilliantly I thought I'm gonna have two weeks just hiding and then I'm gonna say to my because on Facebook my friends are all people that I know on face on Facebook so I have a really small group um but we reconnected off the back of that didn't we?

SPEAKER_02 24:37

Yeah and I remember saying to you being on your own is not a bad thing and I'm not entirely sure you believed me right at the start but pretty quickly you went oh yeah this is brilliant this is great. I've had this conversation with a lot of um midlife youth club members um people of our similar age late 20s early 30s um and quite a lot of my mates are gone through divorce and breakups and I keep saying it to quite a lot of them being on your own is not a bad thing.

SPEAKER_00 25:10

No I I had a year being on my own between proper flourished you were brilliant my marriage ending and meeting my my partner I had a year being on my own and it and I planned to be on my own forever but you did I really did and I really enjoyed being on my own. But on that that thing the that was really kind of life changing was the Facebook thing that I put on Facebook you know this is what happened my my my marriage has ended really abruptly this is what I need from you I need you to invite me to things I need you to stay in contact with me I need to get out you mentioned working getting back I need to get back to work this is what I need your help with yeah and I was just it was so moving to me that the people that I hadn't seen or spoken to even for a long long time got in touch was invited all over the world all different people reconnected and people were so kind and so wonderful. I find it really moving even now thinking about it. But that really rekindled my friendships with lots of people who had kind of drifted away from as we do yeah or people that I hadn't seen in in Donkey's years but I'd maybe talked to a bit on Facebook and then you know so I've got all these new groups of friends.

SPEAKER_02 26:29

I've often said when it comes to friends and family I've absolutely and I mean this from the bottom of my heart because it's going to sound cheesy I'm an absolute fucking lottery winner. Yeah I've got brilliant friends I've got brilliant family and I talk to other people and they don't have it and I think it's luck. I do yeah I mean choose what you're born in and you can't choose who you meet through your life and I've absolutely fucking struck out I'm so passionate about it.

SPEAKER_00 27:02

Absolute lottery work that that's wonderful and and I've had times in my life where I felt like I didn't have many friends maybe you know when I first moved up to Nottingham because I'm I moved here because my ex lived here's challenging move and I didn't know anybody so but there was a good few years where because my friends are all over the place anyway. Yep now I've got loads and loads of friends in Nottingham paddle you've got your paddle friends I've got my paddle friends your reformer pilot's friends got my reformer pilot's friends what's your other activity that you do camel riding yoga yoga you do a bit of yogurt yeah and do you have different groups or do you all do the same bits together? Some some are different groups some are some are um the same same people I do a lot of it on my own though because I do you know I do like trying new things on my own. What was I on about yeah there have been periods in my life where I've felt very kind of alone isolated yeah yeah and you know and my ex-husband was really my only friend who was around yep um but in recent years I've really really feel so grateful for the different groups of friends that I have and from different walks of life and different have different interests um but I do know that I like being on my own. Oh I love it. What I've noticed from going to these different things as in you know I tried my horse right did horse riding didn't I and I'm a paddle and da da da da da is how much I get just from like interaction with sort of acquaintances so there's friends like Ledger Sarah Ledger who is you know she's my she's my lady on the planet she's absolutely brilliant and she's one of my bestest friends in the world and I've got Judith Gefkin with Ledger and Judith my American friend Judith motherfucking Gefken she has a very big grown up job and but sometimes she feels a little bit um like she needs a bit of confidence and and I s I always say to what's your name she says Judith Gefken. What's your name Judith motherfucking gefken so and I keep sending her things that say JMFG she's got a little bit sorry to interrupt you do you mind me asking what her job is she works in um broadcasting software pressure yeah that kind of thing yeah um yeah but uh her and ledger and you know people who've really really been amazing support and you OBS thanks Obbs and got lots of other like wonderful friends um I've this I've got this group of friends who I met through this woman Carla who is absolutely brilliant who I met because she was at Antenatal class when she was having her son I when Harry was having my son and that's who I do a lot of me um activities with that group that group of friends but I do know that I like time on my own.

SPEAKER_02 30:07

I'm the same when I moved up to Buckinghamshire to be near my little girl I had we were living in Essex and then we broke up and but I moved after a year or so moved up to Buckinghamshire but but I don't have friends there. Was that your arm? Yeah it was my arm yeah yeah midlife youth club that was his arm clicking bubble rap that thing that sounded like you know it's a gym um we'll get to gyms later rabbit holes so anyway um when I I forgot what I was saying when I moved up to High Wickham I noticed that when I went to the gym nobody spoke to you whereas in my gym in Essex people were chatting yeah I had a lovely group of mates there and my neighbours were chatty where I am the beautiful thing is I'm closer to my little girl but it's quite an isolated place to live so I I've experienced that but I'm I'm happy on my own happy with a dog happy with my kids um do you think still on friendship as you've got older have you been better at cutting people adrift who you find a little bit I think I've got a couple of people in particular I look at their stuff on the socials who get right on his tits who we can't be doing with though he's wondering why are you in my life is it out of habit? I was trying to be diplomatic but you've fucking just said exactly what I was saying do you think I can't be doing with these fucking arseholes anymore and have you got better at going I'm not I'm not I'm not playing that game yeah and I don't necessarily have that conversation but I let myself drift.

SPEAKER_00 31:50

Yeah energy vampires I have to say this in an English accent mood hoovers say it in your Scottish accent mood hoovers they suck your mood hoovers they suck your brother yeah mood hoovers energy vampires people who are just relentlessly negative it I just find that exhausting and I don't want it in my life they they're they're not they're I don't want that yeah no we don't want that um yeah I'm much better at that I'm quite brutal actually with it because I just think you are quite blunt sometimes in a good way yeah I just I am I would have tolerated that ten years ago and now I'm like yeah can't be asked can't be asked can't be done um I mean and I think you can do it in a nice way you can just let yourself kind of drift so you don't have to have that conversation but yeah and I just don't want to tolerate people who are making my life less yeah the ring gets smaller doesn't it's the ring of friends right yeah I thought you were gonna go somewhere with that when you no I did do it because I knew you would chuckle because you're one of the most immature people I have ever met.

SPEAKER_02 32:52

Thanks that's one of the reasons I like you so much. Thanks very much Will our production manager is 12 and you are more immature than him he's got a soft mullet oh yeah he's got a soft mullet Will our production manager his hair is cracking and I thought I would love a soft mullet but I couldn't I've got a big bold spot at the back have you though penalty spot yeah I would I would get a hair transplant but I'd probably come back with the teeth as well you don't have to have one or the other oh yeah two for one bug off yeah you don't have to have either your teeth done or your hair done I got both boobs done yeah but I wouldn't get one free kind of yeah yeah I might I might um a mate of mine brilliant lad Jake quickened mega talent he's in Jamie Johnson FC with me Jake's just had a a hair hanging and he's kind of diarising it on his socials he looks fantastic yeah he looks great yeah I would do that I wouldn't have anything else done now I used to think that I would get my neck lifted because my neck is is you know it's head with the up here a neck extension a giraffe yeah I thought I'd get a giraffe neck done because I'm really noticed younger people if you're watching this and this is my only piece of proper solid advice that you must listen to.

SPEAKER_00 34:30

Here we go put moisturiser on your neck from as soon as you're using moisturiser loads of moisturizer because one day you'll wake up and you look in the mirror and you'll think what is that I didn't know I was wearing a skin scarf. Men's as well men's oh yeah yeah yeah but uh we don't yeah put moisturiser on your neck loads and loads of it because there's all sorts you can do for your face but your neck unless you have actual surgery for that to happen it's just there it's hanging and that's why midlife youth club is such a hit advice on moisturisation yeah moist moisturize your neck yeah because it it all just sometimes sometimes I look at I see that and I think what is that what is that extra bit of skin there and it looks like I'm wearing like a tie round my neck a skin coloured tie that I've got in a knot and it's not it's just my skin and this isn't because I've lost loads and loads of weight um because friends who are similar ages have and haven't you know done all of that have a similar problem and are very concerned about their necks yeah moisturized but back to but back to friendships I read this really interesting book in fact I can see it from where I'm sitting called the good life and it's uh it's as yeah it's as it's a study on happiness and I think it's it's from a Harvard psychologist um really really um well known well respected psychologist and it's a massive study with thousands and thousands of people involved and it's over a long time and the thing that they found which that gives you kind of ultimately gives you makes you happy was connection yeah and that doesn't necessarily mean friendships like friendships in the way that you think of them as best friends or being with people all the time it's the amount of connection that's right for you. So the amount of connection that you need might be saying saying hello to somebody who you buy a cup of coffee off or walking your dog and saying hello to somebody when you walk the dog or saying hello to somebody when you go in a shop that might be enough connection for you and it might you might not need any more in your entire life you might want to be completely alone and that's the amount that you need. For other people you might need to be with lots of people all the time having loads of interaction lots of friendship groups lots of stuff you do together lots of one-to-one interaction lots of group lots of you know just be busy busy busy around people all the time and that might be what you need to make you happy but it's a huge spectrum of of the amount of connection that you need that's individual to you and amazing but the good life the good life yeah um it's really worth worth having a look at um people are just wired up differently aren't they yeah and and I really like the the way that the internet has has given access to connection to to like online connection and that might be the connection that the amount of connection that you need.

SPEAKER_02 37:35

This is a random one but I also think having a dog is one of the most social things you can yeah do. Just the amount of people you say hello to like repeated business you know repeat customers there's the guy that's got the schnauzer and do you know the name of the dog rather than the name of the person always the I don't yeah in the park not interested in the person.

SPEAKER_00 37:58

Yeah name of the dog.

SPEAKER_02 38:00

But I do say hello to people and and because I'm so drawn to dogs I just feel an instant connection. But it's it's it gets you out of the house it makes you kind of social so dogs are you know and I think that's one of the reasons where why I never got lonely when I was on my own that I have these two dogs these two daft dogs got my little cocoa haven't I yeah madam because I went from having a house with um kid husband dad yeah loads of people in it all the time to nothing my dad died my son left home my husband left and the dogs were still there and the dogs were still there so I went from a very very busy family home to a single woman's home a single a person a person on their own in the home and I never felt lonely and I do think it's because the dogs were always there as well when I when I shoot Janie Johnson Coco goes to my mate's mum and dads in Essex Mick and Joan and Lucy they look after Coco for me in the summer but when I go back to the house I've said quite often that there's no heartbeat in the house when I walk in and with a dog or a cat or a rabbit or David I don't know cats seem a little bit ungrateful to me and tell you what we've dogs have owners cats have staff I like a cat though I I just have had a new family member move in in the last 48 hours who is my partner's daughter's tortoise.

SPEAKER_00 39:31

So it's not even my step tortoise is it it's my stepgrand tortoise and it's Dave Dave has Dave come out of a shell yet I've not done panel for a few years we got Dave this lovely split level home it's quite nice is his new house um and he's having it I I don't know if you how you can tell if a tortoise is grateful. I have started calling him ungrateful Dave most of them are shellfish so sorry he's the love panel um he's nice though he's nice it's nice seeing him and he's very oh I'll tell you what we'll have to give him some lettuce in a bit because it's very very rewarding seeing him eat some lettuce yeah let us see how that goes oh I'm exhausted I'm rethinking what I said before about friendships not to sell cameron's off the list dad jokes where are we next what are we going to talk about now shall we talk about his rabbit hole oh get down your holes and up them so rabbit hole our our bit about um what's up your rabbit hole happened with my leg have you noticed oh is that was that rabbit hole yeah for rabbit hole reasons it's what we've got a little bit obsessed with right hang on a sec Betty the Whippet is home she's back um would you be able to just let the whippet in because she's just gonna stand outside the door she's gorgeous wittering whitter yeah with the whippet she obviously wants to share her she wants to share her thoughts on friendship she'll come barging in thank you that was that was William's legs you just saw and now here's a whippet wandering round you didn't see his soft mullet but you saw his legs yeah you saw his legs that's Walter upstairs woofing at something that's just gone past anyway we digress what's up your rabbit hole this week um it's a live rabbit hole what do you mean it's so that was William walking in front of the camera will take him off the credits put Betty on get him off Betty Whippet um so what's Betty Whippet's role friends which is just a friend yeah mascot yeah um so my rabbit hole is something I've experienced time and time again as a gym fan I love going to the gym the mental and physical health benefits are outstanding um oh did I tell ya one of my new things I was talking go on I'm having swimming lessons are you starting next week I need swimming lessons Alba's a massive water baby and I'm an atrocious swimmer I'm quite a good swimmer yeah I'm quite a good swimmer but I've never done front crawl and I thought I want to learn front crawl so I've booked some swimming lessons yeah are you good at breast I am I'm quite good at breast can you backstroke I can but I don't do it very often because I assume I'm just gonna plow into all the other people I think is the most impressive stroke butterfly butterby yeah I'm not ready for that I'm not ready for that but I thought I'm gonna properly learn how to do front crow.

SPEAKER_02 42:50

Yeah anyway sorry gyms are float anyway um talking about floaters so yes so in the gym my rabbit hole is bastards who don't wear deodorant and who stink I was in yesterday and smelly people yes smelly people in the gym and I I it makes me I think the word the English people use is git but I cannot fathom why you wouldn't wear fresh clothing and deodorise and wash and brush the teeth at any point but particularly in a gym but where people sweat and use equipment and yeah you're touching the equipment you're touching the equipment and I find it and I'm gonna be I'm quite a chilled out guy I think I find it fucking offensive and it really makes me go not to a hundred in terms of rage. Yeah and that rabbit hole's not a good rabbit some rabbit holes are great but that one makes me go just fucking clean yourself up. I don't want to be near you.

SPEAKER_00 43:53

Well you know I've told you this before but since COVID I've told you this before but you can smell you actually smell um My my sense of smell doesn't really work anymore. So I don't know if people smell or not. And I can only properly smell if like if I'm really, really up close to somebody, I can only that's how I can smell them. I don't get like an ambient.

SPEAKER_02 44:14

That's why you're barred from most of the pubs in this area.

SPEAKER_00 44:19

And even um BO, people who apparently have B.O. to me it smells really nice.

SPEAKER_02 44:28

It's so weird.

SPEAKER_00 44:29

No, do you know absolutely? Do you know how I found out that my smell is is is a little bit all over the place? I was get I got in a lift with um Miss Surgeon.

SPEAKER_01 44:41

I didn't notice.

SPEAKER_00 44:43

I got in a lift in a car park with my friend and my son and lots of other people. It was after a gig.

SPEAKER_02 44:51

Car park left smell of peak.

SPEAKER_00 44:53

Well, I got in this lift and it was there was a really, really strong smell, and everybody was to me it was like coconut, really lovely coconut. So it's not that you've lost it. And as we were going up, I went, Oh, that's a lovely smell of coconut. And everybody started laughing. I was like, what? And apparently the lift absolutely stank of pee. But the only thing I could I got near somebody in the lift who was wearing a coconutty sort of Ah, so you picked that up, nothing. And I picked up only the coconut smell that I'd got up my nose and couldn't smell it at all. Couldn't smell and it happened again when we were we were walking out out of the out of the back of a a big theatre. My son was doing a show, and um it was one of those where you go like through a lot of different route different sort of outsidey bits. Like a maze. Yeah, and a lot of it was outside. We walked past and we were with there was security, and as they they took us down this like path, I could all I could smell was biscuits. I was like, ooh, that smells nice.

SPEAKER_02 45:59

Biscuits smells like biscuits.

SPEAKER_00 46:01

Do you know what it was? Um shit. It was it was like skips with loads of rubbish in, loads of like food rubbish. What the fuck? And they were got and Tom and uh his security and that were like what are you talking about? To me, it smelled like like warm biscuits, and this is all covid related. Yeah, my sense of smell just doesn't work anymore.

SPEAKER_02 46:22

You know what I said to you earlier? I want to do a covert reflection episode to me.

SPEAKER_00 46:25

Yeah, we will do that because COVID was it's it's almost like we've forgotten about it, isn't it? And it was bonkers, yeah. Anyway, so your rabbit hole.

SPEAKER_02 46:35

You literally went like that. Anyway, like um Frankie Howard. But what is your hole of rabbits?

SPEAKER_00 46:43

My hole of rabbits is people who make lovely dinners out of cottage cheese, because it's I've uh it's as I said before, I've got some weight to lose. You might you may notice, but I do want to lose a few more stone to get back to what I was when I'd lost, you know, the big chunk. Sounds like I'm talking about a cider beef. Um and fat-free cottage cheese is I don't know if you can see Betty in short, she's just having a s she's having a sniff of me plums.

SPEAKER_02 47:12

She's sniffing those plums.

SPEAKER_00 47:13

Yeah. We are hold on. I've got to lift these plums up, otherwise we just sound weird. In case you can't hear, in case you can't see that there are a load of plums. But aren't they lovely colour? My partner brought me a big box of plums just so he could say, look at my box, big box of plums. And I thought they were so pretty that I was very happy with them, especially against this dark blue. Anyway, um your hole. Yeah, back down away from my plums and back up my hole. Yeah. Um cottage cheese. Which what did you say before that cottage cheese reminds you of?

SPEAKER_02 47:55

An infection.

SPEAKER_00 47:57

An infection. I think we know what kind of infection he meant. Lovely. Um I don't, I don't, I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 48:06

I've I don't I've never took to it. Well, you see, other kinds of cheese.

SPEAKER_00 48:09

Cottage cheese, you blend loads of protein, really low calorie. You blend it up with maybe some cocoa, maybe and some like honey or pretend sugar, and it it's like it goes like a mousse. It does.

SPEAKER_02 48:23

So you're saying it it takes other flavours well?

SPEAKER_00 48:27

Takes other flavours well, but it goes very, very it goes very, very creamy if you blend it. Oh no, tofu doesn't. They're lying about that. You the only way tofu tastes nice is if you if you like put it next to steak and chips. Um or if you like deep fry it, you know, load of oil and tofu taste is is worth bothering with. But this, no, you just whiz it up. You don't have to add a load of calories, don't have to add a load of fat to it.

SPEAKER_02 48:52

I'm gonna try it.

SPEAKER_00 48:53

There's other ones you can I've tried other versions of it which are not quite worked well.

SPEAKER_02 48:57

Do you like it with pineapple?

SPEAKER_00 48:58

Oh, I do. I mean, but I like using it more as a more as a base to make other things. Like if you flatten it and then make it into kind of crisps, sorry, whippet's wittering, my phone's buzzing, it's all go. I'm sat holding a load of plums.

SPEAKER_02 49:14

Yeah, not the first time. It's all go here. Do you know what our mess?

SPEAKER_00 49:18

What?

SPEAKER_02 49:18

Cheese pickle and pineapple on sticks. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 49:22

Pickle.

SPEAKER_02 49:23

Yeah, just a pickled onion.

SPEAKER_00 49:24

Oh, cheese pickled, yeah. Hot dog hedgehog.

SPEAKER_02 49:27

Dog jog.

SPEAKER_00 49:29

Dog jug. Hot dog hedgehog. Yeah, which is I don't know if the young people know this. It's a load of sausages on sticks. Oh yeah. Coming out of a coming out it was stick them in like half an orange.

SPEAKER_01 49:43

Yep. Great days.

SPEAKER_00 49:45

Covered in in tin foil.

SPEAKER_01 49:47

Great days.

SPEAKER_00 49:48

Great days. And that was the height of culinary fabulousness.

SPEAKER_02 49:52

With Angel Delight and Noodle Doodles.

SPEAKER_00 49:54

Noodle doodles. I don't think people remember noodle doodles. Do you know what I've got for our lunch? Birdseye potato waffles.

SPEAKER_02 50:01

Waffely versatile. Grill and bacon fry and mean on bird's eye potato waffles. Waffely versatile.

SPEAKER_00 50:09

Woohoo!

SPEAKER_02 50:10

Is that a good place to finish?

SPEAKER_00 50:14

Yeah, because we're all hungry and want a bit of lunch. Yeah, yeah, I've got waffles, beans, sausages. Yeah, so we're having a. I'm just I can't stop fingering my plums. Um whip it's woofing. I don't yeah. So on that note, I think it's time for us to say goodbye. Goodbye.

SPEAKER_02 50:31

This has been Midlife Youth Club with me, Cameron Jack.

SPEAKER_00 50:35

And me, Sarah Simons.

SPEAKER_02 50:37

Thank you for joining us.

SPEAKER_00 50:38

Thanks very much. See you next time. Bye.

SPEAKER_01 50:54

Yeah, that's fine.

SPEAKER_02 50:55

Too many energy drinks.