SPEAKER_00: You're listening to the road.
SPEAKER_00: After teachers.
SPEAKER_01: Listen, guys, when you fear God, you break the power of force.
SPEAKER_01: When you fear God, you quit manipulating.
SPEAKER_01: When you fear God, it becomes important to you that his presence, his power, and his blessing is over your life.
SPEAKER_00: At The Road, our vision is to raise up wholehearted disciples of Jesus Christ.
SPEAKER_00: For more information on The Road, visit theroad.org.
SPEAKER_00: We hope you are encouraged by today's message from Pastor Teacher Steve Holt.
SPEAKER_01: Father's Day has many connotations to many of us in this room.
SPEAKER_01: For some of you, it's kind of a gray shade because of hurt and pain and disappointment in your background.
SPEAKER_01: Some of you, it's very happy.
SPEAKER_01: You have pleasant memories.
SPEAKER_01: You had a protective father.
SPEAKER_01: You had images of a dad that was really involved and he really cared.
SPEAKER_01: But I think for most of us, quite frankly, church, it's a mixed bag.
SPEAKER_01: It's a mixed bag.
SPEAKER_01: Your father wasn't Jesus.
SPEAKER_01: And your mother wasn't the Virgin Mary.
SPEAKER_01: And so we have a mixed bag, don't we?
SPEAKER_01: So Father's Day may have pro, con, gray, dark, happy thoughts for you.
SPEAKER_01: Here's what I've learned, though, as a pastor and a counselor and a mentor.
SPEAKER_01: And this is really interesting.
SPEAKER_01: And it may, at first it's going to sound kind of like I'm contradicting myself, but I'm not.
SPEAKER_01: And that is, I've found in many young couples, as well as men and women, that they could have come out of really, really great Christian homes where there were strong values, Christ was uplifted, and they have completely messed up their life.
SPEAKER_01: I've seen other families where there was no dad, or there was an abusive father, like my dad had, who turned the whole thing around.
SPEAKER_01: And really, my dad should have been an alcoholic.
SPEAKER_01: My dad should have been an abusive father if the image that was given to him was the only one that he ever had.
SPEAKER_01: But then Mr.
SPEAKER_01: Boltman came in to his life and a pastor.
SPEAKER_01: And he would talk about the pastor who could baptized me.
SPEAKER_01: He baptized me, but he confirmed my dad when dad knew that he was called into ministry.
SPEAKER_01: And so it was a pastor and a stepdad that turned my dad's life around.
SPEAKER_01: And now, four generations later, we look, and much of it, not all of it, because Ethan brings Sean and Tiffin and their beautiful family into it too.
SPEAKER_01: But the reality is dad made some choices along the way.
SPEAKER_01: But here's what we know all the science and all of the research continually shows us.
SPEAKER_01: A recent Harvard study shows us that dads really do make a huge difference.
SPEAKER_01: That they really make an impact, that the values that are built into a young man, even his own masculinity, comes largely from his father.
SPEAKER_01: And femininity largely comes from the mother.
SPEAKER_01: And so I found, though, that there is something in the heart, and I think you see it in the glint of the eye, of young men and young women who didn't have that, who begin to seek it out.
SPEAKER_01: And I want to challenge you, young men and women, and even those that are middle-aged, where you've had poor images of fathering, you can turn that around by choices you begin to make through Jesus Christ.
SPEAKER_01: And so it's amazing to me that the research shows how important an influential father is, but how much there's also research that shows that even when there hasn't been a father in the home, young men and young women can make solid decisions to turn that around through the power of Jesus Christ.
SPEAKER_01: And that's why I believe so much in what we say that God can move mountains.
SPEAKER_01: So whatever your background, whatever pain you've gone through, or maybe even shame, you can turn that around through the power of Jesus Christ.
SPEAKER_01: All things are possible through him.
SPEAKER_01: I wanted to put up some quotes that I really like from some people that are sort of famous.
SPEAKER_01: You might have heard some of them.
SPEAKER_01: Ken Norton, former world heavyweight boxing champion, said this.
SPEAKER_01: Charles Kettering, the famous American inventor and engineer and businessman, said, Every father should remember one day his son will follow his example, not his advice.
SPEAKER_01: It's funny, I don't remember that much advice from my dad, but I do remember the modeling.
SPEAKER_01: I do remember how he lived.
SPEAKER_01: Jim Valvano, famous head coach at NC State basketball.
SPEAKER_01: My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person.
SPEAKER_01: He believed in me.
SPEAKER_01: Clarence Kellen, syndicated writer.
SPEAKER_01: My father didn't tell me how to live, he lived, and he let me watch him do it.
SPEAKER_01: Margaret Truman, daughter of President Harry Truman.
SPEAKER_01: It's only when you grow up and step back from him or leave him for your own home, it's only then that you can measure his greatness and fully appreciate it.
SPEAKER_01: And then, Dr.
SPEAKER_01: James Dobson, if homes are going to survive, it will be because husbands and fathers again place their families at the highest level of their system of priorities.
SPEAKER_01: So I've been a father for 30 years and didn't do hardly any research on this talk.
SPEAKER_01: Just looked up a few quotes.
SPEAKER_01: Because I wanted to sort of be pure and think, okay, what have been the hardest things?
SPEAKER_01: What have been the greatest things about being a dad?
SPEAKER_01: So here's the three hardest things.
SPEAKER_01: These are the three hardest things I think in being a dad.
SPEAKER_01: So if you're not experiencing this yet, Father, it's coming your way.
SPEAKER_01: I promise.
SPEAKER_01: First, and this is really a hard one, giving our children just enough to have resources to work with, but not too much to spoil them.
SPEAKER_01: Some of you need to hear that because you you spoil your kids.
SPEAKER_01: And then some of you need to realize that your kids need resources.
SPEAKER_01: So I mean it goes both ways.
SPEAKER_01: So I know for Liz and I, one of the things that we've done with our kids in husbanding them and mommying them has been to try to father them and mother them in regards to good coaches, good resources in things that they have an interest in, but then they they have to practice and they have to do the work.
SPEAKER_01: And so we've never been on our kids about homework ever.
SPEAKER_01: We have enjoyed watching them get Fs at times.
SPEAKER_01: It's been a joy to watch because we know they're learning lessons that way.
SPEAKER_01: Right?
SPEAKER_01: Nobody's laughing over here in the in the front row.
SPEAKER_01: Number two, being a protector of their heart without fighting their battles for them.
SPEAKER_01: So learning to fight for their heart and the things that they uh maybe aren't prepared yet to handle, but when they are prepared to handle it, to back away a bit and let them have to fight their own battles.
SPEAKER_01: And then thirdly, and this is one we're in right now, the last 10 years have been, this has been a learning curve, moving from being the leader of the family whose word is law, to being a friend to your adult kids whose word is only advice.
SPEAKER_01: That is so hard.
SPEAKER_01: If you see things happening and you're like, I'm not gonna say anything, I'm not gonna say anything, I'm not gonna say anything, you know, unless you're asked.
SPEAKER_01: So, anyway, those are some thoughts.
SPEAKER_01: Here's three priorities.
SPEAKER_01: I want to just talk in just real brief this morning about what I think of the three top priorities of being a dad.
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so here's what I think.
SPEAKER_01: Steve Holt's opinion, it's worth only as far as you want it to be worth, but this is what I believe after 30 years of fathering.
SPEAKER_01: Number one, a father must prioritize his relationship with his father.
SPEAKER_01: A father must prioritize his relationship with his father, and I'm not talking about your earthly father.
SPEAKER_01: That's important.
SPEAKER_01: But I'm talking about your heavenly father.
SPEAKER_01: The most important thing that a dad can do is be passionate for his heavenly father.
SPEAKER_01: To be passionate for Jesus.
SPEAKER_01: The first commandment still works for a father, and that is love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength of your neighbors yourself.
SPEAKER_01: So I've often heard people say the greatest thing that a husband can give his wife or a husband or father can give his children is to love the wife.
SPEAKER_01: I don't agree with that.
SPEAKER_01: I believe the greatest thing that a husband can give his wife and a father can give his children is his love for Jesus.
SPEAKER_01: There's no such thing as a fatherless Christian father.
SPEAKER_01: You have a father.
SPEAKER_01: And when you make that your priority, things tend to fall into place in miraculous ways.
SPEAKER_01: Finances, job, your future.
SPEAKER_01: It's amazing what God wants to do for fathers that begin each day in his word and in worship.
SPEAKER_01: PB and J.
SPEAKER_01: I was recently with a young man in the last three weeks who's struggling with some stuff in his life, and we had time together.
SPEAKER_01: And I said, the most important thing you can do is you get fired up for the Lord.
SPEAKER_01: You have got to get into the presence of God every day, and at our church we call it PBJ, prayer, Bible, and journal.
SPEAKER_01: And when he hear P B and J and he went, oh, I love that.
SPEAKER_01: I love that.
SPEAKER_01: PBJ, peanut butter and jelly, yeah.
SPEAKER_01: And I go, well, how ironic that it's the same.
SPEAKER_01: But PBJ, prayer, Bible, and journal, being in God's word.
SPEAKER_01: It's the most important thing, men, it's the most important thing you can do is to feed on God's word.
SPEAKER_01: Feed on the Lord's presence.
SPEAKER_01: Worship Him.
SPEAKER_01: Get a YouTube channel that you like, put on the earphones, go somewhere where people don't have to hear your voice because it's probably awful.
SPEAKER_01: And worship the Lord.
SPEAKER_01: Worship two or three songs.
SPEAKER_01: Take your mind off your job, take your mind off your school, take your mind off your problems for five or ten minutes and worship the Lord.
SPEAKER_01: Close your eyes before the Lord.
SPEAKER_01: Create your own war room.
SPEAKER_01: Create a closet, whatever it is, but spend time with the Lord.
SPEAKER_01: Open the Word.
SPEAKER_01: Just one chapter.
SPEAKER_01: And we have a bookmark where it's got all the days of the month where you can go to that chapter.
SPEAKER_01: And then pray and journal.
SPEAKER_01: Take out a journal.
SPEAKER_01: If you don't have a journal, go get a spiral notebook, anything, and write down what God's saying to you.
SPEAKER_01: Have a really good friend, or he's becoming a good friend, who we were meeting for coffee and and he's just got a lot of issues.
SPEAKER_01: And he said I could share this, and because I share with him, I said, look, start, start journaling.
SPEAKER_01: Well, I don't like to journal.
SPEAKER_01: And I said, that's okay.
SPEAKER_01: Most guys don't.
SPEAKER_01: 80% of guys don't like to journal.
SPEAKER_01: But I'm telling you, if you'll just do that for one month, just try, just try four days a week for a whole month, you'll start to hear God's voice.
SPEAKER_01: There's something about when God knows that you're listening enough to jot down what you think he's saying to you from the word in worship that he starts getting louder and louder in speaking to us.
SPEAKER_01: When God is about to do something in your life, church, he gets louder and louder.
SPEAKER_01: But if you're not listening, then he gets quieter and quieter because he's wasting his time with you.
SPEAKER_01: And so God, God is on the move and he's always speaking, but we need to be always listening.
SPEAKER_01: And he mainly speaks through his word.
SPEAKER_01: And when we make that a priority of our life, we start listening for God's word.
SPEAKER_01: There'll be divine appointments, there'll be supernatural encounters, there'll be prophetic words, you'll be in worship, you'll be gazing upon the Lord, and you'll just get an idea that is totally weird and crazy, and you say to yourself, man, I could never that can't be that that can't be from God because I would never think of that.
SPEAKER_01: That can't be from God because I would never think of that.
SPEAKER_01: You think God might actually speak to you things that you wouldn't think about?
SPEAKER_01: That's the point.
SPEAKER_01: And so as we gaze, God speaks to us.
SPEAKER_01: As we read, as we spend time in God's Word, God speaks to us.
SPEAKER_01: Turn in your Bibles to Psalm 128.
SPEAKER_01: I love Psalm 128.
SPEAKER_01: This is for men today.
SPEAKER_01: And ladies, you turn there to Psalm 128, because by the way, you're not allowed today, no elbows in the ribcage of the male figure that you're sitting next to.
SPEAKER_01: Because you know your wife's been telling you half of this stuff.
SPEAKER_01: Okay, blessed is the man who fears the Lord, who walks in obedience to him.
SPEAKER_01: You will eat the fruit of your labor.
SPEAKER_01: Blessings and prosperity will be yours.
SPEAKER_01: Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house.
SPEAKER_01: Your children will be like olive shoots around your table.
SPEAKER_01: Yes, this will be a blessing for the man who fears the Lord.
SPEAKER_01: So this is where it all starts.
SPEAKER_01: Scripture says this is where it begins with men who fear God.
SPEAKER_01: Listen, guys, when you fear God, you break the power of porn.
SPEAKER_01: When you fear God, you quit manipulating.
SPEAKER_01: When you fear God, it becomes important to you that his presence, his power, and his blessing is over your life.
SPEAKER_01: Now turn to Psalm 112.
SPEAKER_01: So turn to Psalm 112.
SPEAKER_01: It's amazing that David had words for us about fathering when he was such a lousy father.
SPEAKER_01: Blessed is the man who fears the Lord, who delights greatly in his commandments.
SPEAKER_01: His descendants will be mighty on the earth.
SPEAKER_01: The generation of the upright will be blessed.
SPEAKER_01: Wealth and riches will be in his house, and his righteousness endures forever.
SPEAKER_01: Unto the upright there arises light in the darkness.
SPEAKER_01: He is gracious and full of compassion and righteous.
SPEAKER_01: A good man deals graciously in lens.
SPEAKER_01: He will guide his affairs with discretion.
SPEAKER_01: Surely he will never be shaken.
SPEAKER_01: So cultivating and contending for intimacy with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords is the beginning of marriage and fatherhood.
SPEAKER_01: And even if you in this room haven't done that, you start today.
SPEAKER_01: Start on Monday.
SPEAKER_01: Start making that a priority.
SPEAKER_01: I mean, the things of the past are the things of the past, and God forgives that.
SPEAKER_01: We give that to Him.
SPEAKER_01: Many of us carry guilt, many of us carry shame from the past.
SPEAKER_01: But the reality is at any point we can turn that around and begin to dive into that hurtful relationship, maybe where we were not as good a dad as we could have been in those past relationships, and God can still show up with his love and his grace and his power and he understands.
SPEAKER_01: And single women, you that are out there and you want to be married again, or you've never been married for the first time, look for this kind of a man.
SPEAKER_01: Look for a man who fears the Lord.
SPEAKER_01: Look for a man who's going after God, who's a worshiper and a warrior, one who makes the word of God his priority, who makes worship a priority, who's in church, who's a part of the body of Christ.
SPEAKER_01: Don't meet him at a bar.
SPEAKER_01: By the way, our guys here are way better looking than the ones at the bar.
SPEAKER_01: And you men, our women are definitely better looking than the ones at the bar.
SPEAKER_01: I haven't seen any that look like the Budweiser commercials.
SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_01: So you show me a dad who's truly contending for Jesus, and I'll show you a man who's gonna go through just as the same hard times as everybody else, but he's gonna push through.
SPEAKER_01: He's gonna push through, he's gonna make it.
SPEAKER_01: Secondly, so a father needs a father.
SPEAKER_01: Secondly, a father must see the future.
SPEAKER_01: Every successful father must have a vision and a mission for his life.
SPEAKER_01: His work, his family, his marriage.
SPEAKER_01: Without a mission, without a marriage, it will perish.
SPEAKER_01: Proverbs 29, 18, without a vision or a revelation, the people perish, or another translation would say unrestrained.
SPEAKER_01: And we've seen unrestrained families.
SPEAKER_01: God wants every man and every woman, if you're married, to have a vision and a mission for your family.
SPEAKER_01: Why are you guys getting together?
SPEAKER_01: Why do we have a family?
SPEAKER_01: What's our purpose?
SPEAKER_01: Some talk about mission statements.
SPEAKER_01: I don't care what you call it, but you gotta have a mission.
SPEAKER_01: We talk about there's more conversation about submission than mission.
SPEAKER_01: But all that submission is, is a person who's sub to a mission.
SPEAKER_01: Sub to a mission.
SPEAKER_01: So, men, don't come to me with your complaints about your marriage and she won't submit.
SPEAKER_01: Because I'll already tell you, this will save you, I'll charge you.
SPEAKER_01: Okay?
SPEAKER_01: So save you all the money of coming to me and say, look, what's the mission of your family?
SPEAKER_01: Well, I don't know.
SPEAKER_01: Well, then she doesn't have anything to sub to, so why should she submit?
SPEAKER_01: Because there's no mission.
SPEAKER_01: So we need a mission.
SPEAKER_01: The mission is the responsibility of the man, but it's the responsibility of a husband and wife working together as a team.
SPEAKER_01: What is your mission?
SPEAKER_01: Men, what's your mission?
SPEAKER_01: What's your future?
SPEAKER_01: Why are you doing this family thing?
SPEAKER_01: Anybody can have babies.
SPEAKER_01: But it takes a man to truly be a father.
SPEAKER_01: So if you want to live the life of your dreams, then get your dream from God.
SPEAKER_01: Because when you do, it's exciting.
SPEAKER_01: It's interesting, a study was done not long ago that found that the main issue that kept marriages together was not good communication, was not sex, was not finances, it was a common vision, a common mission.
SPEAKER_01: Now I grew up, you know, part of my life on a ranch in South Carolina, and I'll tell you what, I tell you what.
SPEAKER_01: My grandmother and granddaddy, they were interesting.
SPEAKER_01: They had been together for 50 plus years, and they could fight.
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
SPEAKER_01: And there's a couple secrets I'm not going to tell you about.
SPEAKER_01: About my grandmother and granddaddy.
SPEAKER_01: Wouldn't be proper here.
SPEAKER_01: But oh, they went to church together every Sunday.
SPEAKER_01: I loved my aunt.
SPEAKER_01: She has a wonderful family.
SPEAKER_01: My mom and our family, we had a good family because of her upbringing, too.
SPEAKER_01: It was really good, it was really solid.
SPEAKER_01: But their communication was terrible.
SPEAKER_01: I don't know about a lot of the other areas.
SPEAKER_01: My granddad was very, very successful with his ranch.
SPEAKER_01: He was very, very wealthy at the end of his life.
SPEAKER_01: But what kept them together, I think anybody in the family would agree, was they just they just had this common mission, and it was built around the ranch and the family and the church.
SPEAKER_01: And they just did life together.
SPEAKER_01: She did the books and he did everything else, and they were they hung together.
SPEAKER_01: Men and women, you need a mission.
SPEAKER_01: And fathers, I just say this, what's your mission?
SPEAKER_01: Fast and pray.
SPEAKER_01: Get alone with God if you don't have one.
SPEAKER_01: Talk to your wife about it.
SPEAKER_01: What's your mission for your job?
SPEAKER_01: What's the mission for your company?
SPEAKER_01: What's the mission for your relationships?
SPEAKER_01: I think it's to seek first the kingdom.
SPEAKER_01: The kingdom should be first in all of it.
SPEAKER_01: But okay, let's just say that that's the big rubric is the kingdom.
SPEAKER_01: But after that, what what does God have for your particular unique gifts and talents?
SPEAKER_01: Wherein you guys can do it together.
SPEAKER_01: You can work together and you can be supportive of each other.
SPEAKER_01: So I think, men, you need a mission.
SPEAKER_01: You got to be brave enough to have a mission for your life.
SPEAKER_01: Look at Proverbs 2.
SPEAKER_01: So just turn to the right, a few pages, you'll come to Proverbs 2.
SPEAKER_01: I love Proverbs 2 because Solomon is challenging us to go after it and to contend for wisdom.
SPEAKER_01: My son, if you accept my words and store up my commandments within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understand.
SPEAKER_01: Indeed, if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.
SPEAKER_01: That's priority one, a father with a father.
SPEAKER_01: For the Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth comes knowledge and understanding.
SPEAKER_01: He holds success, success in store for the upright.
SPEAKER_01: He is a shield to those whose walk is blameless, for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones.
SPEAKER_01: Then you will understand what is right and just and fair, every good path.
SPEAKER_01: Love that.
SPEAKER_01: He's talking about a vision.
SPEAKER_01: He's talking about a mission.
SPEAKER_01: So priority one, a father must have a father.
SPEAKER_01: Priority two, a father must see the future.
SPEAKER_01: And then thirdly, a father must stay focused.
SPEAKER_01: You gotta stay in the game.
SPEAKER_01: Quitting is highly overrated.
SPEAKER_01: You and I all know quitters, and quitters are the most unhappy people on the whole face of the earth.
SPEAKER_01: Those that have walked with God at one time, and then things got tough and they quit and they bailed.
SPEAKER_01: Don't quit.
SPEAKER_01: Battle through.
SPEAKER_01: And if you're not having some problems and not having some struggles, then you are definitely probably not taking any new ground.
SPEAKER_01: Let's take new ground.
SPEAKER_01: Even as we get older, even as our kids grow older, even as we are married longer, let's take new ground.
SPEAKER_01: Let's don't settle for where we've been.
SPEAKER_01: We have a woman in our church that I don't know if it's just Father's Day or if it's at other times, but she puts out a place setting at the dinner table with her family for a father, for Abba Father, because she's a single mom.
SPEAKER_01: So you women that don't have husbands and don't have men in your life, and you're responsible for your life as well as your kids, God, Abba Father, can be your husband and can husband you through this.
SPEAKER_01: And that's why you need the church.
SPEAKER_01: And we need each other to gather together and stay focused.
SPEAKER_01: So, dads, stay focused.
SPEAKER_01: Here's five five attributes of what I think are a focused dad.
SPEAKER_01: Number one, focused dads work hard on being a good model to their wife and kids.
SPEAKER_01: Character really matters.
SPEAKER_01: I know so many pastors whose kids are not walking with God because the way they were at church on Sunday or at the ministry center was entirely different than they were when they got home.
SPEAKER_01: And so hypocrisy often rules in Christian homes.
SPEAKER_01: And the reality is a focused dad knows that he has integrity in both places, that he's gonna, that he's modeling something to his wife and kids.
SPEAKER_01: Number two, a focused dad works hard at having quality and quantity time with his family.
SPEAKER_01: So you're gonna have to surrender some of your hobbies, TV time, and recreation to build in to your marriage and family.
SPEAKER_01: Thirdly, focused dads keep learning.
SPEAKER_01: They just keep learning, especially from better dads.
SPEAKER_01: So they try to go after dads that are better than them.
SPEAKER_01: They go after fathers that are doing a better job, maybe even in grandfathering, and asking good questions and continuing to grow.
SPEAKER_01: Fourthly, focused dads learn to apologize when they're wrong and ask for forgiveness from their wife and kids.
SPEAKER_01: I didn't want to put that one in.
SPEAKER_01: But it's really hard.
SPEAKER_01: But it's really necessary to learn how to apologize to the whole family when you had a tirade or you were angry or you said something really dumb.
SPEAKER_01: And I've my family will attest to having me apologize way more times than I want to admit here.
SPEAKER_01: And then fifthly, focused ads learned the art of empathy.
SPEAKER_01: Focused dads learn the art of empathy, and that is learning to listen and trying to put ourselves into the heart of where our kids are at, even our young adults, and understand that they're going through struggles too, and that we've now moved from being the law to being their friend.
SPEAKER_01: And so we're now, I mean, we'll always be dad.
SPEAKER_01: We'll always be dad, but it becomes more of a friendship, it becomes more of a relationship built on a mutual affection.
SPEAKER_01: We hope.
SPEAKER_01: And we want that.
SPEAKER_00: You've been listening to The Road with Pastor Teacher Steve Holt.
SPEAKER_00: We hope you have been blessed by today's message.
SPEAKER_00: To connect with us further, visit theroad.org.
SPEAKER_00: If you are walking through a difficult time, we want to pray for you.
SPEAKER_00: Go to theroad.org, click on the ministries tab, and go to our prayer page to send us your prayer request.
SPEAKER_00: Thanks again for tuning in today, and be sure to listen to the next edition of The Road with Pastor Teacher Steve Holt.