Ep.15 Probably Getting Canceled

In this wildly unfiltered episode, we tackle life’s most important question: how many times is it actually acceptable to poop yourself before it becomes a serious problem? From there, things only get better (or worse) as we crack open a new beer and give our honest, probably questionable review. We also dive into our worst travel stories—because nothing brings people together like absolute chaos on the road. Expect laughs, a little oversharing, and plenty of random side tangents as we bounce between ridiculous debates and real-life disasters. It’s messy, it’s hilarious, and it’s definitely one you don’t want to miss.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:10

It changed my life. Trip to the pistol. I'm in my mind. On the trip to the pistol. Gotta have a situation on trip to the pistol. I had a revelation. Trip to the pistol up in the neons.

SPEAKER_05 0:30

And we're lying. So boys, as an adult, there's a very important question that I think I need to pose to you and our audience. As an adult, how often is it acceptable to share your pants?

SPEAKER_04 0:51

I need to lead with a secondary question. I need a clarification question, if you will. You're admitted this question. What constitutes actually pooping one's pants? This is a that's a good question.

SPEAKER_03 1:06

That is a good question. That is a good question. And I would like to start, I'd like to start by saying physical, physical shit in your pants. Any but uh a lot, a little, however you want to look at it, physical shit in your pants. Is shitting your pants.

SPEAKER_04 1:26

So you're like skid marks is shitting your pants. It's physical.

SPEAKER_05 1:31

So is a shar shitting your pants? Like if it touches cotton, but if it doesn't, if it doesn't, if you just like fart a little bit and you're like, Oh no, no, no, you're like, oh it's gotta hit the waddle, gotta hit, it's gotta hit cotton. So if it's just like a little sharp and you're like, oh, this is manageable, you go to the bathroom, handle it, you're good to go.

SPEAKER_03 1:49

A little mub butt doesn't count. Right. You know what I'm saying? A little mub butt doesn't count.

SPEAKER_04 1:53

I have to reset my days since last time I pooped up the ass calendar.

SPEAKER_03 2:00

When you physically pull your pants in there, you're like, I have shit. So do my pants.

SPEAKER_05 2:07

Call back to the last episode. If you haven't listened, we now know that Lane wearing the same set of underwear for four days really was a dire situation. Like you can only turn them inside out and wear them backwards in front so many times. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 2:24

You can't wear them backwards because you know, I don't want the yeah, I don't want anything that comes out of the exit hole near the near your big problem.

SPEAKER_03 2:32

He's gonna get an infection.

SPEAKER_05 2:35

So, boys, the reason I bring this up is um we had plans to go do something together as a group. Um, and I I was actually really, really genuinely looking forward to the plans. Um, but the night before we were hanging out here, nothing crazy, just kind of sitting around. I I don't even think I think I had like two beers.

SPEAKER_03 2:56

I didn't even Y'all come to see Lane and I as we got home from our adventure.

SPEAKER_05 3:00

Yeah, yeah. So we were sitting here, I brought a case of beer, um, had a couple, sat and talked to y'all because I hadn't seen y'all in a while. And originally we were gonna go have dinner together, but y'all had been flying all day. Y'all were just yeah, y'all were just done for useless. Um, so I just placed a to-go order and picked up on my way home, and I won't name the place, but um I ordered something that had a a bunch of different cheeses on it. And the first bite I took was like a little funky, right? But it had a bunch of different kinds of cheese, so I was thinking, oh, maybe one of the cheeses supposed to be funky, and I didn't think anything of it. And like I said, I'd been been on the sauce a little bit, so I did what any normal person does when they're slightly drunk and hungry. I shrugged my shoulders and I ate it. Well, woke up the next morning, and like most mornings, nature called, but I didn't really quite want to get out of bed yet. So tested the waters. You know, I like to live on the edge a little bit, and trusted a fart. And what followed can only really and truly be described as terror. Just immense fear. Was it terror for you or terror for ditch? Um just me. Just me. I was alone. I was alone, which I don't know if that helps or made it worse, but I felt an immense heat in uh in in betwixt the cheeks. Um and I don't know whether I shit myself or not, because as soon as there was any sensation, I immediately clenched my ass cheeks as hard as I possibly could.

SPEAKER_03 5:10

So well was nothing on cotton. Nothing on cotton. So I mean, you can't technically, now, technically, there may have been some mud button. But you can't shit your pants if there's never any shit in your pants.

SPEAKER_04 5:26

I didn't have pants on. I'll be saying if you don't have pants on, you can't poop. I didn't have pants on.

SPEAKER_03 5:30

So I immediately got when you were just laying there naked?

SPEAKER_05 5:33

Yeah, yeah. But there was no shit in my I didn't shit my bed either.

SPEAKER_03 5:38

Now let's dial it back. Because there may be a clause where you don't have any pants and you I said shit myself. Shit your cheeks. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 5:51

So I immediately clenched my cheeks.

SPEAKER_03 5:54

That would I would say that's considered shitting yourself.

SPEAKER_05 5:56

I shit myself.

SPEAKER_03 5:57

Shit yourself, for sure. Technically, shit your pants.

SPEAKER_05 6:00

Yeah, because I was pantsless. Um, I immediately went to my toilet and just war crimes. Just napalm. Terrible, terrible diarrhea.

SPEAKER_04 6:15

This is the episode that gets us canceled.

SPEAKER_05 6:18

Um, but you know and and here's where here's where I made a mistake. Okay. I should have made the correlation that that wasn't just first poop of the day. You know, like anytime it is that severe, I should know as an adult that there will be aftermath. That's not a one and done. But in my state of just gleeful ignorance, I was like, oh, cool. And put pants on, mistake number one.

SPEAKER_04 6:51

Well, now you're at risk to poop them.

SPEAKER_05 6:53

Drank a cup of coffee. Mistake number two and got in my car to come to Rural King. Oh, you're out now, brother. And there was like a little stomach cramp situation going on, but nothing serious. So I go to Rural King, and there's a few things I need. So I'm going and I go to pick up something with some heft to it from the ground to throw it in my cart. So I lean over, you know, and it's hard to keep the cheeks together, you know, when you're leaned over. And when I, you know, kind of tense up to pick it up, things went south. Things things went really south for me in a in a serious way. In a, in a, in a very serious way.

SPEAKER_03 7:45

And what would what would the speed be of penguin walk you would say you got to? So let me let me clarify.

SPEAKER_05 7:54

I y'all know where the bathrooms are at Rural King. No. Y'all are familiar. I've actually never been in there. The bathroom, if you walk in the door, is immediately to your left on the far wall. I am in the top right corner. Physically could not have been farther from the bathroom. I have a cart full. I leave it in the middle of the aisle. Don't care. I have I have much bigger problems. I am penguin sprinting to the bathroom. I'm running over children. There are babies getting tossed in the air, mothers crying, screaming, things catching on fire. Don't care. I am sprinting with straight legs as fast as I can to the bathroom. And there is an old man peeing as I come through the door.

SPEAKER_03 8:51

You rip him away.

SPEAKER_05 8:52

No, he's at the urinal.

SPEAKER_03 8:54

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_05 8:54

I kick the door down. That's risky, brother. And the point? The torrent of diarrhea that exits my body. I can only describe as a dam being broken. I mean, it was horrendous. Ten times worse than the initial one at my house. Way worse. Ten times worse.

SPEAKER_03 9:20

It's had it's had time to fester.

SPEAKER_05 9:22

Oh, it was awful. And I felt terrible for that man because it was rancid. What are you gonna do? Just horrible.

SPEAKER_03 9:29

He's probably thinking, been there, but that's why I got a diaper roll. So I I'm not gonna ask where, but can you say what type of pizza you ate?

SPEAKER_05 9:39

Um it was just a cheese, had a lot of different types of cheeses on it.

SPEAKER_03 9:44

Did you eat a salad as well? Or just did it have munster? I don't remember. I think that would have the the reverse effect on the other.

SPEAKER_04 9:54

Well, not if the cheese fell up a little bit.

SPEAKER_05 9:55

Not if the cheese was bad. That's what I'm saying. It was like kind of funky when I took a bite. Um, and that was really all was it growing more cheese?

SPEAKER_03 10:04

Maybe that was the four cheese.

SPEAKER_05 10:06

I will saying that you got a little penicillin going on there. I think so. I needed it, but what do y'all think? What do y'all think? As a grown man, you know. How often we all live in America. We all I know the three of us have terrible diets. I mean, it's bad. We drink.

SPEAKER_04 10:24

We live on the road.

SPEAKER_05 10:26

Yeah, a lot of fast food, a lot of processed stuff.

SPEAKER_03 10:29

So I mean I've only ever shipped myself one time. Like really, I was young and I was sick.

SPEAKER_05 10:36

Caitlin, you need to grow up. Those are rookie numbers.

SPEAKER_03 10:39

I wanted to throw up, you know what I'm saying? And backfired.

SPEAKER_05 10:43

The back pressure, gotcha.

SPEAKER_03 10:45

Right, right. Yeah. No, but that's I mean, that's from what I can I'm probably gonna shit myself tonight.

SPEAKER_05 10:50

I hope you do. Throwing up and shitting your pants at the same time. That's a vulnerable position to be in.

SPEAKER_03 10:56

I I mean, I was in bed, I'd been sick for a few days, and I was dehydrated or whatever. And I it was kind of also coming out of both ends or whatever, and I just like leaned over to throw up in a trash can and was what it was. Shit them. Was what it was. Touch cotton, you know. Touch cotton. Uh but no, no, that's that's the only time I could I guess I could remember.

SPEAKER_05 11:17

So if one of your buddies came to you and says, Hey, I want to be honest with you, I ship my pants once a month. Are you gonna judge them or like where where's the I have one better? Reasonable number.

SPEAKER_03 11:29

One of my friends growing up shipped my bed. Straight up. So we we hung out. He I slept on the couch, let him have my bed or whatever, and he's upstairs. Damn. And we all went outside, and like I said, we were young, high school, whatever, and we were skating out front, and he he'd never come out. And I was like, is he still asleep? I'd go up there and I think he was faking asleep, but I opened the door and smelled something crazy, and and I was like, What the f man dude in here gassing my my room up. So we go back downstairs, we're hanging out. He opens my window and he's like talking to us from the window like nonchalant. And then he but he never would come out of the room, and I was like, What the dude shit my bed. He was a little sauced, and he shit my bed.

SPEAKER_05 12:26

Never mind. So did so did he eventually admit to it, or did you eventually admit it?

SPEAKER_03 12:30

He totally just told me.

SPEAKER_05 12:31

Gotcha.

SPEAKER_03 12:32

Yeah, I went up there, I was like, I was like, bro, get the come on, man. But once you entered past a certain point, you're like, there's shit in this room. I was like, I was like, bro, what happened? He said, I'm gonna be honest with you, man. And I was like, I was like, don't be, I mean, don't be embarrassed, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_05 12:51

Um we all we all showed our better.

SPEAKER_03 12:53

It is what it is. Uh and he was a good friend of mine, so I didn't want to put him in that spot, but I was like, I mean, you know, we gotta burn the mattress. Like you understand?

SPEAKER_05 13:03

Because you've you've you've avoided the problem now, it's marinated through.

SPEAKER_03 13:06

Yeah, yeah. So our friendship's over.

SPEAKER_04 13:09

Yeah, I'm just gonna I'll send you an invoice. Yeah, Braden, how often is it acceptable to poop your pants?

SPEAKER_05 13:17

So I think if you if you have a medical condition, you know, because a lot of people have IBS, a lot of people have and I I have stomach issues myself, you know. Y'all have experienced my my tummy issues. Wow. Um there are situations where you just shit yourself.

SPEAKER_03 13:36

Okay, bro, there are situations that are just out of our control. What can you really do? You know what I'm saying? I mean, in all honesty, you have you are ill at this point. Touch is cotton. That's all you can do. Something has poisoned you, you know what I'm saying? You can't help it. Yeah, your body's like, I've done I've held it in all I can.

SPEAKER_05 13:56

Yeah, I think, man, if you come to me and you say more than once a month, I mean like that's it's just rough, man. It's just rough.

SPEAKER_03 14:08

You need a hospital.

SPEAKER_05 14:08

Yeah, you you probably need to see a gastroenterologist.

SPEAKER_03 14:12

Yeah, no, I'm gonna say you've I think it's acceptable to shit your pants twice a year. Oh, so his is much much. Well, think about it. You get you get sick a couple times a year, maybe, you know. You don't get blackout drunk enough. I I'm only thinking of it from like being sick, you know what I'm saying? Where it's coming out of both ends. I don't know if you've ever hurled your guts up and then the guts start backfiring out the other side. I've had it, but yeah, and that's what that's a bad way to go. Yeah, you know. Our listeners are like, I'm turning this episode off.

SPEAKER_04 14:46

We have officially been canceled at this point. Lane, thoughts? I'm not comfortable talking about this subject anymore.

SPEAKER_03 14:56

Um is there shit in your pants right now? Not right now.

SPEAKER_04 15:00

I went to the bathroom a minute ago and checked.

SPEAKER_05 15:03

I would like to tell a related story that is and I believe will be the hardest I've laughed in my entire life till the day I die.

SPEAKER_04 15:17

Until the day I die.

SPEAKER_05 15:19

Because y'all, y'all don't know my brother Jonah. Uh, he's a listener to the podcast, he'll hear me talking about Jonah. Uh great dude, love Jonah. But he's kind of reserved, he's a bit of a nerd. Um geez, call him out, man. Uh he would he would he would agree with this. Big video game guy. No. Kind of keeps to himself. But I have a really big family. Um, and part of having a big family is when one of you gets sick, it goes through the whole house.

SPEAKER_03 15:52

Yep.

SPEAKER_05 15:52

You know, and it's just that's just part of it. But I think I was probably a freshman in high school and stomach bug came through. And when I tell you it got everybody within the span of about a week, I mean it was just violent, you know, not a safe toilet around. Not a safe toilet around. And um we were starting to get over it. We were starting to get over it. And uh my my brother Jonah in high school was a heavier set guy. And uh this was right when Walmart orders became a thing, and like they would deliver it to your house. We're all sick, shitting our guts out. So my stepmother places a Walmart order, and uh we're going outside to get it and bring it inside. And we're we're walking up, having to walk upstairs, and that's dangerous anyway, you know what I mean? But we're bending over, picking up all these groceries, and we're joking around, you know, like there's a case of toilet paper or whatever. We're like, oh, we're gonna need this. And I'm cracking jokes, and my brother Jonah's just quiet beside me. And I look over at him, and he's like leaned over picking up some groceries, and he looks up at me like a hurt puppy, you know, just the sombrest look on his face, and I swear to God, a single tear rolls down his face, and he goes, Braden, do you know how hard it is to wipe your ass as a fat man? And you have to know my brother to understand how funny that is because he's serious, he meant it fully.

SPEAKER_03 17:34

I I can relate because of my brother. My brother would say stuff like that all the time. And he meant it.

SPEAKER_05 17:41

Like he was not meant to be a joke, he was being so serious because he was so tired and just beat down by this stomach bug. And I cried laughing for an hour. I mean, I died just because he was so somber about it. I mean, it was like somebody looking, like it was looking at a kid telling him their puppy died, like that's how serious he was, and the tear rolling down his face.

SPEAKER_03 18:10

That's perfect.

SPEAKER_05 18:11

Oh, he was just so heartbroken, like it's so disappointed.

SPEAKER_03 18:16

My brother is a comedian. Shout out David, shout out Uncle Dave. He is he is absolutely one of the funniest humans I've known. He's a funny dude. So in our we had uh an upstairs, downstairs apartment, right? And his room was to the left of mine. We had this little hallway, and then there's stairs. Well, my mom kept a huge mirror right at the top of the stairs you could just use for whatever. And I'm I'm in the dark, I'm on my cell phone, because it was like kind of a new thing. I was on my no kid, you know what I'm saying? I'm laying on my bed, my door open, lights out, and I'm just I'm just laying there texting her. I don't I don't even remember exactly what I was doing, but my brother comes up and he has no idea I'm in the room. He comes up and he's making faces and like doing impressions in this mirror.

SPEAKER_05 19:04

Which is a which is a big Uncle Dave thing.

SPEAKER_03 19:07

But he's killing it. He's but that was who he was, you know what I'm saying? So I'm just like David being David, right? And I wasn't really thinking about it. He stops and he looks in this mirror and gazes into his own eyes, and he goes, You're fat. I died laughing, and he goes, I didn't know you were in there.

SPEAKER_05 19:31

He was trying to have a heart to heart with me.

SPEAKER_03 19:33

He never knew I was in there, and I'm talking, I come undone. I was laughing. He still tells that story, just stopped, and he was just gazed. He was like, You're fat.

SPEAKER_04 19:46

You know, as a as a pretty chunky fella myself, I frequently look in the mirror and have that exact same conversation, though.

SPEAKER_05 19:57

It was so perfect, and you know, he was like trying, he y'all are young, like he's probably trying to like have an emotional look thing.

SPEAKER_03 20:06

So my brother just had another kid.

SPEAKER_05 20:08

He did.

SPEAKER_03 20:10

Um, I don't know that y'all seen the old movie Um Total Recall. Yeah. In that where he he pulls the baby, the baby's like coming out of his stomach or whatever, and he's like, open your mind to me, Glade. You know what I'm saying? We walk into the after the delivery. We walk in to meet my new nephew, and my brother is facing out the the big window. And he he's just like looking around, and we come in, we're like, hey, where's the baby? He turns around and he's got him in his shirt, and all he's got the head, the arms are out. He turns right, he just goes, Open your mind. I fell apart. Yeah, I fell apart.

SPEAKER_05 20:57

Uncle Dave's funny, dude. He's a good dude. Shout out, Uncle Dave. We still have to have him on the podcast.

SPEAKER_04 21:04

That's a requirement, dude.

SPEAKER_05 21:06

He's so funny. We've got to have him on the pod. Yeah, I can't wait. So sorry for 15 minutes of talking about shit in our pants, but um that will be the one episode.

SPEAKER_04 21:16

Please don't have us canceled.

SPEAKER_05 21:18

You know, it's part of life, guys. It's natural, and sometimes you eat some bad pizza and you you should you shit yourself.

SPEAKER_04 21:26

Sometimes you just think you're done wiping and you're not.

SPEAKER_05 21:29

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:31

It's gonna be it's gonna be costly.

SPEAKER_05 21:34

I'll be here a while.

SPEAKER_03 21:36

Yeah, it's like a marker.

SPEAKER_05 21:37

Yeah, that's right. Speaking of shitting yourself violently, uh Lane, what beer's are we drinking this week?

SPEAKER_04 21:43

Oh, baby. I was feeling froggy today, boys, so I went down and visited my good friend Miss Tammy. Shout out Miss Tammy, and she was so happy to see me. Yeah. And I don't know if you guys know this or not, but Miss Tammy recently won. The best uh like wine and spirits store by the uh Daily Mountain Eagle.

SPEAKER_05 22:07

Well deserved for sure. Well deserved.

SPEAKER_04 22:10

And for our lovely audience who is not from the Jasper area, the Daily Mountain Eagle is our local newspaper, and annually they put out a vote for the top pretty much every category.

SPEAKER_05 22:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 22:22

And so big for Miss Tammy getting that dub.

SPEAKER_05 22:25

Yeah, and that's a relatively new business, too.

SPEAKER_04 22:27

Uh five months is what she's gonna do.

SPEAKER_05 22:29

Yeah, that's crazy. That's crazy. That's good stuff.

SPEAKER_04 22:32

And the the thing I love, I think, the most about Miss Tammy is she is so adamantly supportive of us. Yeah. Every time I see her, she greets me, she asks me how we're doing, how the show's going.

SPEAKER_05 22:45

I also have great news for you boys. She can order Montuckies. Oh no, buddy. So I've got to stop by and see her this week. I need a case, a few cases probably, of Montuckians some King of the Mountain.

SPEAKER_03 23:01

King of the Mountain's so good. I did stop by there a couple weeks ago and get some of that.

SPEAKER_04 23:05

I uh I was talking to my buddy Chris when I was out there a few weeks ago after I got stuck out there, and I talked to Chris and I talked to my buddy David, who both listened to the show. And they you know, they're in Dallas. Yeah. And so Fort Worth is like 45 minutes an hour for them. They said that it's not even being advertised, so they don't even know if they're making King of the Mountain right now. Because they want to try it so bad afterwards. It may be a seasonal thing, but it's a weird season because we got it during because it's summer right now, right? Like I would I think that beer is much more of a winter beer. Oh, 100%.

SPEAKER_05 23:45

But the thing that's cool about that beer, imagine, and I don't have to imagine this because I've already done it, but I'm gonna put an idea in your head. It is a Friday night, you get home, there are warm brownies sitting on top of the oven, you take one out, you put it in a bowl. This is my ASMR voice.

SPEAKER_03 24:11

I'm gonna American pie those brownies.

SPEAKER_05 24:17

You take a large scoop of ice cream directly on top of that brownie, and while you're eating that brownie, you crack open an ice cold king of the mountain. And you use a lot of chocolate. And you sit on you sit on your couch and you house that pantsless, so you can shit your couch. Um and you absolutely house that brownie, and then you chase it as like a little nightcap with that king of the mountain. There's none better.

SPEAKER_03 24:53

You did this? I did this. I did this, it was quite heavenly. You can't hide a metabolism.

SPEAKER_05 25:00

Anyway, I don't know if you've looked at me recently.

SPEAKER_04 25:03

The metabolism's slowing down. I'm still trying to get over that uh, you know, when he was in high school, Walmart delivery was a new thing.

SPEAKER_03 25:14

I was thinking about that.

SPEAKER_04 25:15

I was like, All right, anyways.

SPEAKER_03 25:17

Yeah, that was Tuesday when that started.

SPEAKER_04 25:20

So today we are having Edmunds Oast Brewing Company's cereal for dinner.

SPEAKER_05 25:29

It's a cool can.

SPEAKER_04 25:30

This is maybe my new favorite can.

SPEAKER_05 25:33

Yeah. We need to take a picture of that and make it the post. Ooh. Maybe. But take put your hat beside it. So your trip to the beer store, sit it on. Do we got another one for after? Yeah, there's a one for after.

SPEAKER_04 25:46

So, cereal for dinner is a blonde ale brewed with almonds, vanilla, lactose, and coconut, and it is a product of Charleston, South Carolina. Big fan. I like South Carolina. Well, we're checking a new state off the to drink list, if you will. Yeah, we need to we need to track that. We really need a dedicated fan that will go in and track all of our reviews and where they're from.

SPEAKER_05 26:09

Well, someone someone has a spreadsheet with all of our ratings on it. Is it you? It's me. Okay. And I'm I'm even fancy. I put uh the brewery and where it's from on that spreadsheet.

SPEAKER_04 26:21

Oh snap. So we're rocking a 5% on the dot ABV on this bad boy. No listed IBUs, but we'll find out here in shortly where we think that ranks at.

SPEAKER_05 26:37

Yeah. It's a it is a really cool can.

SPEAKER_04 26:39

Yep. It is is beautiful. It looks like it's a nice bowl of cereal sitting on a silver platter or a nice uh box of cereal sitting on a silver platter.

SPEAKER_05 26:48

It's just simple and clean, and I like that. I don't like things that are too busy.

SPEAKER_04 26:52

I I'm big on it.

SPEAKER_03 26:54

I'm big on the white and black.

SPEAKER_05 26:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 26:56

Yep. So I think it's time for my personal favorite part of the show.

SPEAKER_05 27:00

The drinking part.

SPEAKER_04 27:01

Yeah, the part where we crack these bats.

SPEAKER_05 27:03

Lane, don't lie to him. We've been drinking this whole show.

SPEAKER_03 27:09

I made a mess.

SPEAKER_04 27:11

It does not smell like breakfast.

SPEAKER_05 27:20

I mean, I have beers for breakfast pretty regular. It kind of smells like breakfast to me.

SPEAKER_04 27:24

That's your poor life choices. Oh. Interesting. That is that is a thing.

SPEAKER_05 27:35

It does not taste how I expected it to. The vanilla's big on the back end, though. I can go ahead and tell you Caitlin's not gonna enjoy this one. It's not bitter at all. I had to clean up a mess. No, but I just don't know. I like it. It's got the the vanilla is big on the back end. It's big on the front end. To me, I don't get it right at first. That's all I got.

SPEAKER_03 28:01

This is unique. That is different. It is very serious.

SPEAKER_05 28:11

Y'all might not agree with me. Every beer has like a a hoppy beer taste. This doesn't taste like beer.

SPEAKER_04 28:23

Do you know what it tastes like to me? The back end flavor tastes like a protein shake. Yeah. Yeah, no, it's got like a like a like a vanilla protein. It's got a little whey to it. Yeah. A little whey shake. And that's probably the lactose coming out in it mixed with the vanilla. But you might be right.

SPEAKER_03 28:47

That foamy. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 28:49

Yeah. I don't get anything on the front end. Like it it doesn't taste like anything to me on the front end. And then the finish is vanilla with that like whey.

SPEAKER_03 28:58

Yeah, but that's that lactose flavor coming out on the back.

SPEAKER_04 29:05

Yes. But you know, almonds are naturally notorious for not having a lot of flavor. You know what it reminds me of?

SPEAKER_05 29:13

It reminds me of like I was a little worried there for a minute. It reminds me of like a vanilla ice cream float, like in a soda.

SPEAKER_03 29:24

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 29:24

But after the ice cream kind of melts a little bit. Yeah, that's where I'm getting that whey protein. Yes. I mean, I'm a fan. I like it. What it reminds me of, if you if you took a vanilla float but put it in cream soda instead of coke. Like that's the vibe I'm getting.

SPEAKER_03 29:40

Yeah, I don't think this is bad. It's just different.

SPEAKER_05 29:43

It is definitely different. It's really unique. Really, really unique.

SPEAKER_04 29:47

I mean, I hate that I'm just gonna have to have a stretch market for it, though.

SPEAKER_05 29:51

It's so different.

SPEAKER_04 29:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 29:53

Yeah. And I think this is something like um I think a lot of people could be into this because it even your light light beer dudes, I think could have one of these with dinner. If you like a Budweiser, I think you you could have one of these. If you're an IPA guy, this is weird enough that I think even an IPA guy would like it.

SPEAKER_04 30:15

I would I think I would have a hard time having this with the meal, though. People don't really like it.

SPEAKER_05 30:20

No, I think this is an after meal. Like you you eat dinner, you're just kind of sitting there letting your food settle, maybe you have one of these before you leave.

SPEAKER_04 30:28

Yeah, yeah, I could do that because it is kind of sweet. It is kind of sweet, and there's a big flavor profile in this, and it's not simple, it's not a lager.

SPEAKER_05 30:38

Um, but yeah, I can uh I get more of the alcohol like on the nose, but as far as like tasting it, I don't get a ton of alcohol off of it. What it oh, it's well, it's only five percent. Yeah, it's nothing crazy. All right, what do we think? I like it. I like it. Is there it says graham cracker as well, right? Um no, that was uh that was the other beer.

SPEAKER_04 31:06

Yeah, that was the beer from last week.

SPEAKER_05 31:09

So we've got almonds, vanilla, lactose, and coconut. Maybe it's the coconut.

SPEAKER_03 31:13

Yeah, it could be.

SPEAKER_05 31:14

It's get like kind of on the front.

SPEAKER_03 31:16

I don't really taste the coconut. Yeah, I don't get a lot of. It tastes vanilla.

SPEAKER_05 31:19

I'm getting I'm getting like a little bit of coconut into vanilla into that lactose. Just right there on the very beginning, I get a little coconut.

SPEAKER_03 31:28

It is it's just not tasting the coconut in it.

SPEAKER_04 31:30

It's it's very unique, as in like as you drink it, you're experiencing a lot of different flavors kind of coming over each other.

SPEAKER_05 31:39

Yeah, that's really interesting. I I do think it's very firmly in the have one of them category. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 31:48

But I think now at this point on the show, we've had a lot of those, and I don't think just because you would just have one, I don't think that necessarily holds it back. Do you know the worst part of this beer? Hmm.

SPEAKER_04 31:57

No one's gonna hear us talk about it because we spent 15 minutes talking about poop earlier.

SPEAKER_05 32:02

Nah. That just shows me you don't know our audience lane.

SPEAKER_04 32:06

Our seven loyal listeners have all turned off the podcast by now.

SPEAKER_03 32:11

No, they were they were laughing.

SPEAKER_05 32:12

No, they're they're in the same boat as you, I think. They didn't they don't they don't want to talk about it. They they might be embarrassed.

SPEAKER_03 32:18

Maybe a little bit. They they may be like uh, I'm so glad somebody brought it up.

SPEAKER_05 32:24

I'm not alone. Um, I really like it, and I think purely because it is unique in a good way, you know, things things can be unique and suck, like oh, this is really bad. Um this is unique in a really interesting way, yeah. And I think if it was on draft, I definitely could see myself as like this as being a nightcap beer. Yeah. Um and it's the same way with King of the Mountain, you know, we've we've talked about King of the Mountain. I would not want to drink a six or a King of the Mountain.

SPEAKER_04 32:55

I'm not getting tore up on that.

SPEAKER_05 32:56

But as a last beer of the night, great choice. I think this occupies a similar spot. Yeah. I do not like it as much as King of the Mountain. No. I gave the beer in the last episode a four, and it was really, really good. I think I may prefer this beer to that one. So I want to go I want to go four and a quarter on this one.

SPEAKER_04 33:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 33:25

Yeah, I like it. I I I want to rate it pretty highly. I think it like you said, anything below a two and a quarter or two and a half, yeah, we say you shouldn't try.

SPEAKER_04 33:35

Um which we haven't had one. We had one that got pretty close, but we have not had a beer that were just like you don't need to drink this. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 33:44

Well, the ruined one that we didn't air.

SPEAKER_04 33:46

Well, yeah, yeah, that one was hurt. Um I think it was Calen's favorite beer we've ever had, which is just wild.

SPEAKER_05 33:52

Um I really think this is good, and I think if you like trying things, you should stop by Tammy's and and grab some.

SPEAKER_04 34:00

Yeah. Yeah, they because that's a few that they come in four packs. Yeah, she had a few four packs of the phone.

SPEAKER_05 34:05

It's really interesting. It's really interesting, and like Lane said, the the every sip you take is you kind of start noticing a little bit more and more.

SPEAKER_04 34:12

Yeah, it definitely kind of washes over you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 34:15

Kate, what you think, brother?

SPEAKER_03 34:17

Man, I like this. Um, like you said, it's not something you're gonna drink a bunch of. Um, but for one tall boy, right? You know, it's it's not bad. Yeah. Really not bad. Um, there's no bitter to it. It's got these cool little funky flavors you're not used to tasting in a beer. I'm gonna go I think I'm gonna go four or five. Big rating. I I like it better than the the last week's think so beer, yeah. Uh I'm not you know, not the biggest fan of the ambers. Um just depends on the amber. I guess.

SPEAKER_05 34:54

But that that one's different enough to where it's like, hey, I'd like to have one of those. Like you, you know, you could keep a four-pack in the fridge.

SPEAKER_03 35:01

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 35:02

After dinner, like watching the World Cup, which you all should be doing.

SPEAKER_03 35:06

Yeah. Um by the way, we have to go.

SPEAKER_05 35:09

Um, watching the World Cup. You know, I could see having dinner and then, you know, just a quick one before bed, you know, just relaxing, kind of sipping on it. Um, I think this is an awesome beer for that. Not that every beer is an awesome for that, but you know. Yeah, I like it. So four or five. That's a big score for you.

SPEAKER_04 35:30

You know, I and I say this a lot, so you know, take it with a grain of salt. But I'm struggling a little bit here. Okay. Because I like the beer.

SPEAKER_05 35:44

Gotcha.

SPEAKER_04 35:45

And so I don't want to take anything away from the beer. Gotcha. However, I don't think it stands up to the beers that I've had previously that I have rated in that range. Gotcha.

SPEAKER_03 36:01

You gotta get more whey protein, man. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 36:04

And your your your scale is a lot harsher than ours, too.

SPEAKER_04 36:08

Yeah, yeah. It probably is because as you know, Calin witnessed being on the road with me. Um I'm the kind of guy that when I go into a restaurant, if I've never had the beer, I'm gonna have it.

SPEAKER_05 36:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 36:24

I mean, K Dog watched me, you know, house ten beers he's never heard of like last time we were on the road together.

SPEAKER_05 36:33

I had a boy. I had a boy.

SPEAKER_04 36:36

Um, but I think for me, this beer is like a 375. Still a great score. Yeah, I'm not taken away from it. I think it's a good beer. Would I have one of them? Absolutely. Um, I just don't think it is as good as some other beers that we've reviewed in the past.

SPEAKER_05 36:54

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And just to clarify, you know, any really anything above a three is a good beer.

SPEAKER_06 37:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 37:02

You know, we said two five. If it's below a two five, probably shouldn't get it. We don't recommend you get it. But I mean, even a three, it's a good beer, you should get it. It's just not our cup of tea.

SPEAKER_04 37:12

You know, and exactly that, right? And then this is a completely subjective ranking system, right? Um, my buddy David that I mentioned earlier in in Dallas, he gets so frustrated when he listens to the podcast because we don't have like this uniform grading scale on it. It's like, I'm gonna give it a four-three this week, and he's just like, that doesn't make sense.

SPEAKER_05 37:37

Well, to me it does because like like next week, if we have a beer, I gave this a four and a quarter. Well, I like that one more. It's four point three.

SPEAKER_04 37:45

I don't think it's as good as a four-five, but I do think it's in my but he he's also very analytical, his job is literally numbers every day. Well, tell him to get the beer and try it.

SPEAKER_05 38:00

Well, you know what? And then and then when I give something a 4.3, he's gonna go, you're right, it is a 4-3. I agree with you wholeheartedly.

SPEAKER_04 38:07

And I mean, and truth be told, I mean, if you're listening to this podcast and you're not trying like going out and trying to find the beers that we're having. Yeah, you're because we haven't had we haven't brought bad beer. I think I mean, and I don't I don't feel bad about it. I think we'll do uh we'll do a follow-up with him. I think the worst beer we had was uh Vanilla Fant.

SPEAKER_05 38:28

Yeah, but I don't think that that beer is bad.

SPEAKER_04 38:32

It is just compared to everything else that we've had, it's the lowest ranking.

SPEAKER_03 38:36

Well I mean but again, it's so that's the one I still outranked y'all on.

SPEAKER_04 38:40

No, that was uh we're we're gonna give them another opportunity, so we're not but it is so subjective too, because I mean, um think think about pizza, right?

SPEAKER_05 38:52

Yeah, there are some people who really love like a thin cracker crust like me. There's other people, my dad loves a pan. To him, pizza is a pan pizza. I'm a big deep dish guy, yeah. And so, like, if that's your favorite pizza, you could have a really, really good thin crust pizza, but it's never gonna be in your mind like, oh, that's the best pizza on the on the planet. And beer's the same way, right?

SPEAKER_04 39:15

Like and I think realistically, what we would love to see a lot more of is when we start bringing these up on Facebook, when we bring it up, you know, we've got a trip to the beerstore at gmail.com. We have these web we we have an email, we've got a Facebook page that we try to get this stuff out on. We want to know when you try these beers, like where do you rank them? We know. Because I mean, everybody's entitled to opinion. I want to know. You're entitled to be wrong, but like, you know, we want to know where you rank at, like, compared to our, you know, where we rank stuff.

SPEAKER_05 39:52

Everybody's got assholes. They're also like opinions, and sometimes they're cheap.

SPEAKER_02 39:57

Give me a colour, a favorite can't start. It's funny that the can't have releases pressure. Cracking it open cans into a letting it's green with the olives in the heart with the American way.

SPEAKER_00 40:14

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SPEAKER_05 42:14

So last week we uh talked about some travel stories, and we said we were gonna get to it, but that was the first time we'd hung out in a little while, you know. Y'all had been on the road, we got a little excited, and we just didn't have time. So we're gonna talk about some travel stories, and you know, mine involves my father, and I love him dearly, and he's gonna be very mad at me for telling this story. But it is a travel story in the sense of we went to Mississippi, we went by car. So it's not very far, but it's very eventful. So um, me and my dad, when I was in high school, I was with the band. And nerd. Yeah, yeah, and I I I played the tuba, so I'm super nerd. Um, but as a big fundraiser for the band every year, me and my dad would smoke Boston butts and we would sell them. And we would do like 200. So I mean, you're talking about a lot of time, a lot of effort, a lot of butt, a lot of meat. Um, and I don't to anybody who has ever smoked one Boston butt, it's a good bit of work, you know, now times that by 200. So it's really difficult for one person to smoker to job. We had we had two big um like trailer pull behinds? Mm mm. They're block pits. Oh. So like cinder block pits. Yeah. Ten by four. Oh wow. Um and so you have a fire off to the side and you shovel coals up underneath them. Yeah. Um, one of my favorite ways to cook, ton of great memories with my dad doing that. Love doing it. Um But this is when I was in high school. I believe I was a junior sophomore junior year of high school. And um we were getting ready to do one of these fundraisers for the band. Um, I was working at the time, so the plan was that I was gonna go into work, I was gonna get off at like seven or eight o'clock at night, we were gonna drive like an hour and a half away to this piece of property and cook these butts, right? So we're kind of on a time crunch, too. This is like a Thursday night, we need to have them ready Saturday morning, you know, and we gotta do two rounds of them. So we're talking about 24 hours straight of cooking. So like we're on a time crunch, we gotta go. So I was already in the doghouse a little bit because my dad went and hooked up the Boston butts in my truck, and um we go, we pick them up. I'm still at work. We get killed at work, so now I'm late getting off work. So these two Boston Butts, it's like 40 degrees outside. So I mean it's not a huge, huge deal. They're in the bed of my truck, though. My dad's waiting. It gets to be about nine o'clock, and I get a phone call that says, hey, I don't care what's happening, I don't care if you lose your job, get your ass outside. You know what I mean? So I go, get in the car, and we're hammered down. Okay, just hauling ass. I'm going. I'm in a 2003 Ford Ranger, we're hammered down. And um my dad is very upset, and I thought it was just because I was late, you know, and I thought, you know, he's he's mad because we're behind. But eventually I'm like, hey, what's wrong? Like, we're on the road, everything's good, we're doing good. Um, and in high school, like a lot of high schoolers, I smoked a little weed. Okay, my dad found my stash. Ooh. Didn't know about this, right? So my dad's over here just fuming, right? Fuming, fuming, just getting hot on top of me being late, right? So like now it's just compounding, compounding, compounding. You failed your father at this point. Oh, he's hot, you know what I mean? But he's he's trying to keep calm.

SPEAKER_03 46:17

He wants, I think his plan was saving your life, is what he was doing.

SPEAKER_05 46:21

I think his plan was like, let's get this all the meat on the smoker, and then we'll talk.

SPEAKER_03 46:26

Then I'm gonna beat you with an I still need you to work. Yeah, exactly. I think that was the game plan. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 46:31

Well, we're going, all of a sudden, my truck spits, sputters, uh, dies.

SPEAKER_04 46:38

No, no.

SPEAKER_05 46:39

Halfway there. We're still an hour away. Go to try to start it. Your stash was in the gas tank. Engine's completely locked up in my truck. Completely locked up. And we're on a section of road, not a lick of cell service. This is at like 10:30 at night, pitch black, back roads in between here and Fett. So they get my dad's walking up and down the road trying to get sales service, can't do it. Finally flags somebody down. It's like, hey, we all go up the road with me, or I don't remember if they called or what the situation was, but anyway, got my stepmom, brought us another vehicle, traded it out and everything. But that was the most stressful two hours of my life, you know.

SPEAKER_03 47:28

And you were still wondering at this point why he was just so mad though, right?

SPEAKER_05 47:32

No, right before the engine locked up in my truck. I was like, hey man, what's going on? Why you why why are you mad? And he just turns his phone around and it's a picture of my stash, and I'm like, That's not mine, dad. He's like, he shows it to me and he's just fucking looking at me. And I'm like, never mind, I didn't ask that question. I'm just gonna stare straight ahead.

SPEAKER_03 47:53

You didn't play dumb, you just went off into it.

SPEAKER_05 47:55

Uh no, I don't think I played dumb. I don't remember exactly what I said, but I think it was just something along the lines of like, sorry, man.

SPEAKER_03 48:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 48:03

You know, like because it that they have photographic proof, you know.

SPEAKER_03 48:07

Like for like a young brain and be like, did you try some?

SPEAKER_05 48:10

Like, I don't I don't remember what um but yeah, I mean I What do you think about that peyote, dad? Yeah, I was in a I was in a world of trouble. Um, yeah. We cooked the hell of those of Boston butts, though.

SPEAKER_03 48:22

They were delicious. You smoked the Boston butts that night better than you were smoking your stash.

SPEAKER_05 48:27

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 48:28

His butt also probably got smoked that night.

SPEAKER_05 48:31

Yeah, it was rough. It was it was a rough time. Yeah, that's that sounds bad. And I know that's not really a a travel travel story. We were traveling, yeah. It was rough un until the engine locked up. And then we weren't. But yeah, sorry, dad. I love you. Please don't beat me to death.

SPEAKER_03 48:48

Why's your dad here? Please stop! No, daddy, no. You gonna learn today. Did you use foul language in front of a lady? Yeah, you're gonna learn what a lot.

SPEAKER_04 49:01

Well, sorry. Look Kevin Hart's coming out.

SPEAKER_03 49:05

Love you, Dad. My travel story, uh, what I'm thinking about, um what we were talking about flying. So we so Britney had a conference thing, a little uh week-long conference thing in Vegas, and with her company, her last company she worked with. And so they were flying both of us out there, and we're like, oh yeah, we're going to Vegas. Never been to Vegas, never been on a plane. Great city.

SPEAKER_05 49:28

Love Vegas.

SPEAKER_03 49:29

So we were kind of we were kind of hyped up, you know, and but I was so nervous about flying because I'd never done it. And I'm like, intrusive thoughts and you know, all the things.

SPEAKER_06 49:37

We're gonna die.

SPEAKER_03 49:38

You're right. So we fly out. I think we hit some we hit some turbulence, you know. It's a four-hour flight to Vegas. You'll have that item fly. I think that we're like ever, you know, we get a little turbulence. I'm like, it's over. It's over. That's it. We're dead. Yeah. So we land, everything was good. Um the we had so the trip's over, we fly back to Dallas Love and connect, and then go to Birmingham, right? So I'm noticing before we get on the plane that and I'm gonna catch some slack for this. This may be the cancel you we we spoke about. We had a female pilot. What? Carry on. We had a female pilot. Now, I didn't think much about it then until we were in the air and was hitting all this turbulence, right? And I'm like, I'm like, oh my god. You know, now I don't know if anybody, any of our fans' wives, drive like my wife does. My wife is not the greatest driver, she's going to hit a lot of curves. She's gonna, you know, she may be jamming the radio, she may be like, you know, just doing her thing. But I don't consider my wife and uh a lot of other friends of mine's wives great drivers. So this is kind of wrapping up in my mind as we're hitting all this turbulence. So it smooths out, right? We're getting into Dallas, they come over the intercom, they're like, Oh, there's a sandstorm, you know, and I'm like, great, this is how this is how I go, right? And uh I see the male pilot come out and go into the bathroom, and you know, there's always uh stewardess waiting or blocking from the moment he walked out and went into that bathroom. Worst thing I ever experienced in my life. How do you hit a curb midair? I thought she was making TikTok videos. Oh no, she comes over here and comes, she's like, This is your Boeing baddie. The Boeing baddie. So I'm serious. When I tell you I th I thought we dropped a thousand feet at one time, I was like, the whole plane's just shaking. He comes running out of the bathroom and goes in there toilet paper behind him, straight smoothed out. And you if you don't believe me, you think I'm making it up just because it's a female driver or pilot. You could ask Brit anytime and she'll tell you the same story. It cleared right up. Britt was like, how'd she hit a curb midair?

SPEAKER_05 52:23

Yeah, we're we are canceled. Thank you. That's this is our last episode. If the poop didn't, I would absolutely comment it.

SPEAKER_03 52:29

I was absolutely sweating. I didn't think about it until he came out, and then it just started going to shit. To the point that he cut his piss shy and ran in there and saved saved landing. You know what I'm saying? Your life.

SPEAKER_05 52:47

I was like, um Yeah, that's it's part of it.

SPEAKER_03 52:51

I never I never had a judgmental thought before that, but we hit every curve in mid-air buddy that we could.

SPEAKER_05 52:58

You know, maybe uh maybe she was having a rough day, or maybe the weather was just rough.

SPEAKER_04 53:03

She was okay, you know, say what you will happen.

SPEAKER_05 53:06

Yeah. I will say, being on a flight and going through some like really not light turbulence, but like real deal turbulence.

SPEAKER_03 53:15

Yeah, it's terrifying.

SPEAKER_05 53:17

It is j it is genuinely terrifying because you're just so powerless. You're just sitting there.

SPEAKER_03 53:21

Oh, your hands are in the or your life's in the heads.

SPEAKER_05 53:24

Yeah, you're just sitting there.

SPEAKER_03 53:25

I flew um You always have to watch people around you though. Yeah. Because there's like a sleep heads flopping everywhere, they're so used to it.

SPEAKER_05 53:33

I'm jealous. I can't sleep on a plane.

SPEAKER_03 53:35

Oh fucking buddy, sleepy McSleepster over here can see. I can't do it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 53:40

I wish I could, but I flew um from Birmingham to Denver. Um, and it getting into Denver, I don't know if there was a big storm or there was just a lot of turbulence or whatever. Did you see the Devil Horse? Dude, I my asshole was so clenched because coming into Denver, it was like severe, severe turbulence.

SPEAKER_04 54:02

Look up the Devil Horse.

SPEAKER_05 54:03

I'll look it up.

SPEAKER_04 54:05

It's a Denver airport.

SPEAKER_03 54:06

Do it right now? Do it right now. We had we had really bad turbulence coming into Vegas to the point like where where I was sitting in a window seat coming down for the landing, you could see the runway. We were getting so sideways. Yeah. And I was like, this is awful.

SPEAKER_05 54:28

No, it's just so sketchy because it you don't there's nothing you can do. You're just there.

SPEAKER_04 54:32

Oh man, you just uh you know, if you're asleep, you don't have to work.

SPEAKER_03 54:39

Oh yeah. No, that it was it was not great. That uh bad turbulence. There was one flight where we we were all the way to Texas, it was just like it never stopped.

SPEAKER_05 54:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 54:56

It never there was never a point where it stopped. And it's hard because you're going into the jet stream, I guess, you know.

SPEAKER_05 55:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 55:02

And the it it is usually smoother on the way back.

SPEAKER_05 55:06

But the good thing is those planes are designed for that, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 55:10

That's what they say. And you know, before we flew for the first time, um we were talking to Britney's cousin about um because he loves flying. I mean, he like studied planes. And uh straight up, he was like, dude, there's some planes where you could they flex the wings insanely to the point you think they're gonna break and they they drop right back.

SPEAKER_05 55:32

Yeah, they're they're designed to be able to do it. To be abused, yeah. There's there's some comfort.

SPEAKER_03 55:37

I'm getting a little more comfortable with it, but I think he's just loving the expensive music.

SPEAKER_05 55:41

And he was like, oh I have I have two buddies who are pilots, and uh one of them was never like ground crew. The other one, the way he decided he wanted to be a pilot is he was ground crew. No, and like he's he met some of the pilots, he's like, Oh, these are really cool dudes. But we were talking about it one day, and he was like, dude, if you knew how many guidelines and safety checks and pre-checks, and I check it, and then my boss checks it, and then the pilot checks it.

SPEAKER_04 56:11

Like he said 20 years ago it was much different, but now there are just so many layers of protection before you ever step on a plane that a lot of people have this anxiety about it, and it's just well, it's like I was having this conversation with Caitlin um when we were flying back from Phoenix and we saw that our flight got delayed and it was delayed for maintenance.

SPEAKER_01 56:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 56:38

And like it's so wild, and like people don't think about this kind of stuff. It's like when you get delayed on a flight for maintenance, it can be literally anything. And when I say literally anything, I mean if you're on the plane and you the the flight attendant realizes that your seat doesn't lock properly, like it'll lean back and it's not supposed to, or lean back without hitting the button on it, like they will delay the plane and fix that. Yeah. If the uh ashtray, which for whatever reason, an ashtray is required by the FAA to be on a plane, if something was to happen to that, even though you're not allowed to smoke on a plane, which is communist, is you know, but if something happens shaking smoke.

SPEAKER_05 57:27

Look, if I say if I have to endure turbulence, at least let me rip a dark, you know, in a moment.

SPEAKER_03 57:32

You just can't get used to it, man.

SPEAKER_04 57:34

If if that for whatever reason that ashtray is damaged, they cannot fly until that happens.

SPEAKER_05 57:41

That's what my buddy was telling me. He's like, there's an initial check, then your supervisor does a check, and then both the pilots do a check. Like there are so many layers of protection and safety. So I get it. Yeah, it's it's it's wild. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 57:58

Which I appreciate it. But as someone who flies, I appreciate it. As someone who flies every week, multiple times a week, you also appreciate it. I also appreciate it.

SPEAKER_03 58:08

The the crazy thing is, is we're in safety, right? And you you constantly run into people uh taking shortcuts. You start thinking like, man, it wouldn't just one guy takes one shortcut, you know.

SPEAKER_04 58:20

Yeah, but that that's the beauty of the thing.

SPEAKER_03 58:21

I can't help but think about stuff like that.

SPEAKER_04 58:23

It's like the beautiful thing about planes, though, is that like it's not, you know, one guy can take the shortcut, but the next five guys who also have to look at that very specific.

SPEAKER_03 58:32

But you're also getting, man, those planes are getting toasted. Dude, they're just here and there and here and there. Yeah, but you know, they don't shut off for a while.

SPEAKER_05 58:41

Yeah, but every time they touch the ground, they're going through that full inspection.

SPEAKER_04 58:45

Yeah. That's what takes so long, people don't realize that.

SPEAKER_05 58:47

Yeah, yeah. It's not just take the passengers off, put passengers on guns.

SPEAKER_03 58:51

Well, I know, I do I know there's an inspection, but you you just think about like what's riding on those inspections.

SPEAKER_05 58:58

Yeah, absolutely. So and I think that's why they take it so seriously. It's not like in a car, like yeah, if you're if your AC quits work and nobody dies. Right. And if you get a flat tire, nobody dies for the most part. Um, you know, hitting all those curves and stuff.

SPEAKER_04 59:12

No, you get a flat tire in an airplane, you might you might have a problem.

SPEAKER_03 59:16

Yeah, you know, you're I I would feel more comfortable landing and then a tire blowout and you're already on the ground.

SPEAKER_04 59:21

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Would y'all are are y'all ready for a give it to us. Wild story? Yeah. And I don't know if I've told y'all this story before, but maybe I have.

SPEAKER_05 59:33

I don't think if you've told me a lot of travel stories.

SPEAKER_04 59:36

So you've told me one. Does it involve an airplane? It does involve an airplane. Yes, I've heard this one. When I was in college, I took a class. Okay. And the name of the class was like Walking Through Paris, I think. It was an honors course. And so we met like throughout the semester to the class or whatever. But then at the end of the semester, we flew to Paris and we spent a week out there.

SPEAKER_05 59:59

We.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:00

We arguably the one of the best weeks I've ever had in my entire life. You know, I got to see some absolutely amazing things. I saw the Louvre. I, you know, went to an underground like uh uh fashion show. I went to Versailles, I got to see all these cool things. And so then we're coming home. And that's when it all fell apart.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:26

Hopefully, not literally.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:28

No, not literally. Is this the one where someone fell apart?

SPEAKER_04 1:00:33

Well, someone's brains fell apart. Um, I'm flying from Charles de Gaulle to Charlotte. I think it's supposed to be like an eight-hour flight, maybe ten-hour flight. We're flying back in time, so the whole thing is weird. Um, but about an hour or an hour and a half into our flight, one of the women on the plane looks at the stewardess and hands her a note, and the note says that I have a surgically implanted explosive device inside of me. We're on a plane, and she said the one word that you cannot say.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:17

Yeah, post-9-11 for sure.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:23

And so we can't go back to Charles de Gaulle because they won't take us because that's a commercial airport. So the next closest place is in Bangor Maine. Shout out Bangor. And so we as soon as we hit US airspace, we're escorted in to Bangor Main by two F-15s.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:55

Which you have no idea about any of this until after the fact.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:00

All that we knew is that life was being diverted. Yeah, we were told, hey, we hit some heavy headwinds coming in. We're gonna have to make a stop in Bangor Main to refuel. Gotcha. That's what they told us. But then it got kind of weird because the entirety of the time as this is going on, just pop, pop, pop. They're constantly coming on. Is there is there a doctor on the plane? We have someone who's got an issue. Is there a doctor on the plane? Is there a doctor on the plane? Is there a nurse on the plane? Is there any sort of medical professional on the plane? And so I'm like, this is getting kind of squirrely.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:41

Technically, I don't know if it was as advanced then, but what you go through like nowadays, it would be detected. You know.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:51

Well, that would only it would only be detective if you had some sort of metal.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:57

Yeah, if it was metallic.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:59

You'd think you can I mean, I guess you can make one out of plastics or US government.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:06

I don't have any idea on how to build a bomb. So we um Like really, I don't know. I don't know anything about building a bomb.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:15

The you know, just the and this is the most, you know, terrifying experience we had because once we land, I don't know how, but you know, once we land, we're escorted in by the by the two fighter jets, which you can see looking out the window.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:33

Gotcha.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:34

But the directive the directive that was given to those pilots was if they divert course one degree without permission from us to shoot it down. Yeah. Yeah. That's absolutely terrifying, right? Like in hindsight. And so when we land, we have every three-letter acronym waiting for us.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:02

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:03

I'm talking about you've got the NSA, you've got TSA, you've got the Army, the Air Force, the National Guard, and like we can see them as we're like, you know, like taxiing into this airstrip. And we're looking around, like, yeah, guys, I don't think that this was because that we had um, you know, strong headwinds.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:28

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:30

And then when we land, we come to a stop, and they tell us, they're like, do not bring anything with you. Leave every item on the don't do not take your carry-on, do not take your personal item. Everything stays on this plane, you're not allowed to take anything. And so they landed us in the middle of like the tarmac, not near any of the gates or anything like that. Yeah. And so they like dragged this, I mean, physically dragged this woman off the plane. Like, I'm watching her get drug out.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:01

Um screaming or oh yeah, she was bloody murdered. So is she like a mental breakdown? Is that what was going on?

SPEAKER_04 1:05:08

Or I I I'm guessing, I I don't know. But were you able to like was it in the news? Were you able to follow it at all? Um, you could we were actually on CNN. Yeah. Um, that was the big one I remember looking. I was like, because like they still hadn't really told us anything. So like I call mom. And like mom, I don't know what's going on right now, but I need you to like go inside and turn on CNN and tell me what's going on. Imagine as a parent too.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:42

You're like And being a a parent that lived through nine eleven. Yeah, yeah. Like my generation doesn't have the same connection with nine eleven that you guys have.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:51

We know about it, like it's in our mind, but like I was I think I was I was seven months old eating nothing.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:00

Just like I know your mother and I just had your Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:02

I mean I was you know what I you know I was in like third grade when 911 happened. Yeah. And so it's like but it but it was such a showing.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:11

Yeah. I was seventh grade. Yeah. So y'all y'all have like a memory to tie to it. Oh, yeah, no doubt. That experience had to be way more of course it would be shocking for someone in my generation, but also I just remember like all my teachers crying.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:25

Oh yeah. And like one would think that that's kind of where the story ends, right? So they bring all these buses and stuff out to bus us from where they put us down at to like the terminal to wait and stuff. And so like we load up on the like we load up on the bus, we're sitting there, and like you've got to remember, this is a group of 18 to 22 year old kids with one professor scared to death, absolutely you know, terrified. And on our on our bus, there was a group of people that I guess was with or came from the same place as that lady. And I I don't I don't know if it was the National Guard or the Army, but they came on to the bus and drug Tammy, she's just drunk. They drug all of these people off the plane. And so then we're stuck in Bangor Main at the terminal with nothing to do but stare at each other for like four hours before they like they brought out, they you know, search the whole thing. Yeah. And um so eventually, you know, they clear us, we're good to fly. We fly to Charlotte, we missed our flight. Um, we missed the next flight because it was full. And so all this goes into, you know, like you start thinking about it at this point. We left Charles de Gaulle at like nine in the morning. It is now like seven o'clock at night, yeah. Um, in the US, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:13

After losing all your time.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:16

And so we they eventually put us on a flight, we fly back, we land in uh mobile, which is you know where I went to college. And do you guys ever watch um Swamp People? Yes. So that was when it was getting really popular. And so when we landed, we had like everybody from the college was there. Yeah. Like to pick us up, like right, they were giving us a ride back.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:47

So parents and all that were notified at this point. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:50

Parents were parents were all notified, the school was notified, like everybody knew what was going on. But swamp people had just become super popular, and he was my RA at the time. Later on, he became my like boss when I was when I became an RA. Yeah. But he was huge on swamp people. And he looked at me because like all of the news stations wanted to interview us. And he looks at me and he goes, Lane, I'll pay you a hundred dollars if you make a swamp people reference. When they're interviewed.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:27

You said I was gonna do that for free.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:29

Yeah, it was like, you know, and so like I mean, and you know this, but like one of my like unknown superpowers is I'm really good at public speaking. Yeah. So they wanted to interview me for the news. I was like, man, that's a hundred dollars. I'm a college kid.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:45

So what was it? What'd you say? Two Lisbon.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:53

I love that. Wow. Um so uh my only question about that story is uh, are you upset about all the fancy stinky French cheese you had shoved up your ass that they took from you in your cavity search?

SPEAKER_04 1:10:10

I had an inordinate amount of illegally smuggled cheese in my prison wallet, and they took every bit of it, every ounce. The worst, like legitimately, though, the worst part of that entire experience, aside from you know, it took us 25 hours. Total time, it took us 25 hours to get from Charles de Gaulle back to mobile, yeah. But the worst part of it was was for the next five years. And I'm I'm not joking, for the next five years, every time I got on a plane, I, who had nothing to do with what happened, was either secondary searched or padded down on every flight I got on.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:57

Yeah. Yeah, I've seen that. I've seen that happen. It's uh it's rough like that. But you enjoy the cavity searches, so I mean.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:07

No, I mean it was it was really more of just a you know you're not gonna be able to get it with just one finger.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:13

Sir, sir, to the left. Yeah, slightly more to the left. Oh, we got it.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:21

Sir, are you are you flying today? This is the third time you've been through this line.