Flag us Again!!

Welcome to Flag Us, the podcast where we decode the green flags and red flags in relationships! I’m Twon, and alongside me is Whitney. Together, we dive deep into the subtle signs, big behaviors, and everyday moments that shape healthy (or toxic) connections. Whether you’re in a new relationship, navigating dating, or simply curious, we break down the signals, so you can spot them before they become bigger issues. Tune in every week as we share real stories, expert insights, and, of course, a healthy dose of real talk. Don’t forget to subscribe and flag your own experiences with us!

Transcript

Whitney 0:00

What's up y'all? I'm with. I'm Twan. And this is Flaggus. Uh when it comes to the first date.

Twonn 0:15

Yo, you're here's Chi-Chi. Chi-Chi.

Whitney 0:18

What's up? Red flag. Red flag. Girls, like you say. What's up, y'all? I'm Wick. I'm Twan. And this is Flag Us. Today's episode, we're gonna get into new relationships.

SPEAKER_00 0:44

Yeah.

Whitney 0:46

New relationships. Uh, we're gonna be talking about red flags and green flags.

Twonn 0:51

Negatives and positives.

Whitney 0:52

Negatives and positives. So, with that being said, let's get into it. So, I got a question for you. Juan. Uh, when it comes to the first date, who's paying? Hmm.

Twonn 1:05

That's a good question. I mean, uh, it dep it depends. It depends. Who invited who out?

Whitney 1:12

I mean, but this is the first date.

Twonn 1:15

Still, who invited who out? I know some aggressive ass females, they'll be like, oh, so you want to go out? You want to go out with with me and my friends? Or if they invite themselves out, oh, we should go out. I don't like those, we should go out. That's a red flag.

Whitney 1:31

Okay, well, let's say this. Okay, so like nowadays people do what? Online dating? Online a lot of online dating. So when it comes to online dating, kind of like it's kind of like a mutual thing. You're trying to meet up with that person. So let's go from that time point. Like, say you meet somebody online and you guys are like interested in each other, and you guys are you know talking and talking about linking up.

Twonn 1:55

Like Alright, so usually the guy pays, right? The guy pays. I'm with the guy paying. Um, every date I've gone on, I've always paid.

SPEAKER_00 2:04

Okay.

Twonn 2:04

I've always paid. Sometimes that's a red flag though. Because it's like, alright, now we go on how many dates we go on before you before y'all y'all make it serious. About how many dates are we talking? Before y'all like, alright, this my this this is my guy. How many dates?

Whitney 2:23

I mean, I would say like a good three dates, depending on how three dates before you find out if this is your man or not. I wouldn't say like man. I'm not saying like make it official. I'm just saying like after the first date, if that goes well, we'll make a second date.

Twonn 2:41

Mm-hmm. Oh, you all hear it's cha-ching, cha-ching. Oh-cha-ching.

Whitney 2:47

I mean, well, it's different for me because you're saying, like, for the first date, guys, you're saying a guy would pay. If I'm going on the first date with somebody, I prefer like they pay for them, I pay for me. And I don't think it should be like something like big, like a dinner or something. Like, why don't we go grab coffee or like hit up a Starbucks or ice cream from that estimate?

Twonn 3:09

Like that's on the list. Places that women they say they ain't going. So coffee for you is fine.

Whitney 3:16

Um for a meet and greet, yeah. Because who wants to go and spend a lot of money on a first date and you might not even like that person. So I get that. And I don't feel like I don't want somebody to feel like I use them or owe them something now because they took me to an expensive dinner on the first date, and then we don't work out.

Twonn 3:36

You just jumped into the 1%. You definitely just jumped into the 1%.

Whitney 3:42

I would say there's the new day and age of women.

Twonn 3:45

Like you jumped into the 1%. That's we, you're, you're, you're talking from the 1% of women who were like, ah, you pay for you, I pay for me, I even pay for you. But there's other women out here, the 99%, who definitely say, Oh, you invited me out, you pay. They'll take you on 12 fucking dates before they figure out that do I want I'm trying to figure out if I like this nigga.

Whitney 4:13

Well, why would you even allow you to get 12 dates in with somebody constantly paying for you?

Twonn 4:20

You'd be surprised.

Whitney 4:21

Some some sometimes people really like, like it's it's been some women that I really, really genuine like, but it's like But can you see yourself with that person knowing that that person is only dating you because you got money or because you're front in the bill or because you're taking some time.

unknown 4:36

It takes some time.

Twonn 4:36

Oh, then you before you find out that you're being used.

Whitney 4:40

Then you a big dummy. If you're saying I'm in the 1%, if you're saying I'm in the 1%, then therefore you should already know the game that they're running on you, right?

Twonn 4:51

No, you know, you I'm talking about younger. I'm talking about yeah, I'm not talking about now, I'm talking about younger. When you start dating when you were a little younger as a man, it's like you have to pay, you know, try to be a gentleman. My mama raised me, right? So I try to pay, but then it's like, all right, I don't know what's up with this girl yet. You know, y'all talk, y'all still talk, but then it's day after day after day. I started as I got older, I started to see like, yo, the I start learning about the 1% women who were like, yo, I got it. Oh, I got it. You what? You you you got it? You start like yo, you start, you know, you start sweating, you start thinking to yourself, she says, she got it. Is this a test? Are you are you testing me? But then there's if there are women out there who who who got it, actually got it, and it's like, oh shit. So you start to separate certain women, so by like you said, by the third or fourth date, you know what's up.

Whitney 5:51

Again, but are you dating women or are you dating little girls? Like you said, younger. Younger. You say younger. So when you were younger, yeah, when you younger, I mean, you get that. I guess I would say, like, when I was younger, guys would kind of like flash their money because they want, you know, females to think they got it like that. All right.

Twonn 6:13

So again, be like, oh God, I want to be that nigga. That's why it's just it's a guy thing. We want to be that guy. Everybody wants to be that guy.

Whitney 6:21

If you want to be that guy, then be that guy and not complain when they out here.

Twonn 6:24

Nobody complains. Are we talking about the 12th date, the 11th date? And it's like, all right, shorty, and then they hit you with the oh, my cable bill do. Not the cable bill. Oh my cable. Oh my god. My lights gonna go out. My lights are going out. The fuck? Oh, I ain't got no food at the house. The kids is hungry. You 12 dates in, and now she actually for some money. And it's like, damn, y'all done went out like every other day. So it's just like so.

Whitney 6:52

You done invested 12 dates in this woman now you and now you're gonna be able to do that.

Twonn 6:55

Let's take a hundred dollars. Let's say a hundred dollars. That's twelve hundred dollars.

Whitney 7:00

And I guess y'all better start waking up a little bit faster, then, right? And I'll be a 12 days in.

Twonn 7:06

Alright, so uh, is it a green flag or red flag for a guy? Or who who pays? Who pays? I want to know who from you who pays.

Whitney 7:15

Um, like I said, I'm I'm good with you paying for you. I pay for me, but if a guy wants to pay for me, um, I wouldn't see it as a red flag. I would see it as okay, he's being a gentleman. Okay.

Twonn 7:28

Um what if he hits you with the with the yo, you paying for both of us without you even suggesting paying for both? Yeah, what if all right?

Whitney 7:36

Let me give you a red flag. So you came here with no money. Like, what do you mean? Now, usually if we on a first date and a dis and a dude decides he wants to pay for me, I'll be okay. I got tip.

unknown 7:48

Okay.

Whitney 7:48

You know, every time I go on a first date, I always make sure I have like some cash for like tip money in case he decides. Of course, I got money to pay for my own, but if he hit me with the uh, oh, you got this?

Twonn 8:00

Have you ever been in that situation?

Whitney 8:02

I yes. I have. Let's hear about it. I have.

Twonn 8:08

Let's hear about it.

Whitney 8:09

I have. I have been in that situation where it came to the test.

Twonn 8:13

He didn't hit you with the bill.

Whitney 8:14

It wasn't like hit me with the bill, it was kind of like the looking for his wallet.

Twonn 8:19

Oh not even looking for his wallet.

Whitney 8:21

You know, and I was like, okay, cool. Like, or there was one time where he passed off his car and the lady came back and was like, Did you have another, you know, another tender type thing? And he's like, nah, man, I got money. You know, they start getting on their phone, acting like they gotta, you know, they gotta they gotta transfer from their savings to their check it. So I already peeped the game. I stood there for a little bit and I said, you know, don't even worry about it, like I got it. So you see him reaching for his pocket, like, and then I thought I saw when she came back with the thing, and I saw him looking at his phone, like if he was trying to like, oh, is I just is I gotta just switch some money over to and after the second time it didn't go through, I just went ahead and you know slid my card over there.

Twonn 9:03

But yeah, I was like, how did the rest of the day go? Like, did y'all do anything else after that?

Whitney 9:08

Oh no, absolutely not. Absolutely not.

Twonn 9:12

So that was it?

Whitney 9:13

We called him the night. I mean, I didn't I didn't ghost him right then and there either. I mean, because it could have been a slip-up. I mean, it could have been a messed up. Yeah, yeah. But I talked to him for like a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 9:22

Um any other dates?

Whitney 9:24

Yeah, we did call him another date. It it wasn't no like date date, it was kind of like uh, you know, let's go get some ice cream, you know, that type of thing. No, this time he he had this he he had this time uh, but he didn't have for both of us. I paid for mine. Oh, okay.

Twonn 9:41

Wait, did he ever pay you back for the dinner?

Whitney 9:43

No, no, okay, back, but it didn't it didn't it go nowhere.

Twonn 9:49

Shout out to him, he got the female. He did, he did payback from way back.

Whitney 9:53

You heard back that's alright though, because uh I don't know whoever he got front his bills, but it ain't me, cuz uh I'm good.

Twonn 10:02

I just kind of you know all right, so that's a good that was a good question. Alright, so first talking somebody, right? You first getting to know somebody.

Whitney 10:10

Okay.

Twonn 10:11

What are your feelings on catching him lying? Green flag lying. Like on something so simple, just white lies, black lies, green lies, blue lies.

Whitney 10:28

A lie is a lie. Um catching people online, definitely a red flag.

Twonn 10:37

Okay, okay, see yeah, of course.

Whitney 10:39

But I have definitely overlooked some red flags for sure. Um and it was because we was getting to know each other from that aspect, and I think that uh sometimes people feel like if they think it's not going anywhere, like they don't care to Right, right. I I didn't even go I lied one time about like how many kids I had.

Twonn 11:01

Well, I didn't I didn't say I've lied all the time about how many like who I'm dealing with, and I've I've lied a few times. It's just like meeting that new person, it's like yo, I wonder how many lies I can give. I wonder how many lies I can give. It's like becoming a that's crazy. It's like becoming a whole new person. It's becoming a new person. I tell this, I'm a doctor. I don't see it. I'm a surgeon. I'm a firefighter. Oh, you didn't pick up your oh I was in there fighting crime, baby. I'm sorry. I used I get mine off. It's just I don't know what it is. It's like meeting a new person. It's like you can get you can get some shit off that you didn't even think you can get off.

Whitney 11:40

And then what happens when you find yourself really wanting to be with that person? Then you gotta come up front, and then now I'm looking at you like all you do is lie.

Twonn 11:49

Let's play ball. Let's play ball. I don't know and you don't feel like it's just really some guy's shit. Like I get mine's off. Like you just most people are disposable, most uh relationships are disposable. Like I I just want like Drake said, one time is fine with me. So if I can get if I can get this off, and then if I find out myself really liking you, I confess. I'm not like a habitual liar. Like once I start, you forget some of this shit that you you start saying, so man, niggas be getting them shit off.

Whitney 12:24

And that's crazy, because why start a relationship on a lie?

Twonn 12:28

But you don't know if you're really gonna be in a relationship with that.

Whitney 12:30

Okay, and when you so happen to be in a relationship with that person that becomes your person, you done told a whole fairy tale to this person, and at what point do you feel like in the back of their mind they gonna be thinking like, oh okay, all he does is lie, lie, lie, lie. Everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie. And you lied so well to my face that I'm just supposed to think like when you start telling the truth, that's crazy. I done I done told a lie or two. I didn't I a lie or two? Like white lie, black lie, I I wouldn't say, I wouldn't say it was a lie, I just say I wouldn't tell the whole story. Like, you just not tell the whole story, like, oh you know, my daughter lived with me, but I got two daughters. I didn't emphasize that I had two daughters. Like, oh yeah, my daughter lived with me, how's your daughter? She's 16 and left it at that, but I got a whole nother 11-year-old.

SPEAKER_00 13:37

Okay, okay, you know, stuff like that.

Whitney 13:39

Just not telling all my business, just some of my business. You're definitely a red flag. You're definitely a red flag. Talking to my ex in what way? Like just y'all just communicating. And I'm getting to know somebody else. Um I'm gonna say it's a green flag, cause I did it. Like you did. I did. I talked. There's some of my exes where we didn't have a you know, a bad separation. Are we still cool? We we get along, and you know, I'm talking to somebody else. My ex, I'm not talking to them in like in a romantic way. It's just like that's my nigga now. Like, okay, not my nigga, my nigga, but you know, that's my dog.

Twonn 14:56

That you know oh, that's your dog, okay.

Whitney 14:58

Yeah.

Twonn 14:58

Um so would you be cool with your your your your male, your your guy, your whatever, your significant other talking to their ex?

Whitney 15:06

Depending on the the demeanor and the manner that they're talking in.

unknown 15:09

Okay.

Whitney 15:10

Like if I find text messages and you asking for, you know, titty picture. Yeah, you know, a little ass picture. If I see stuff like that, but if I'm just seeing like somebody checking in, like, oh, how you doing? How the girls doing? Oh, hey, I seen so-and-so from college, but you know, stuff like that. I'm not really gonna be too bent up out of shape about.

Twonn 15:31

So is it okay for your ex, since y'all talking, whatever? So is it okay for your ex to hit you up for some money?

Whitney 15:40

To hit me up for money?

Twonn 15:41

Yeah.

Whitney 15:44

Yeah. Uh mean- Look this way.

Twonn 15:49

Look at this way. Don't look away. Don't look away.

Whitney 15:53

It depends on the situation.

Twonn 15:55

He's asking you for money.

Whitney 15:56

It depends on the situation. All right. I had an ex ask me for money while I'm in a relationship, and he had my daughter.

unknown 16:05

Uh-huh.

Twonn 16:05

Oh, that's not that's not a that's not a that's that's that's different. That's different. It's a it's an ex. That's all right. All right.

Whitney 16:11

It's an ex and he's asking for money, but nah, if I if I don't really mess with somebody like that, even if I'm cool with you and you calling me asking me for money, like if we ain't got no like connection from that aspect, like we don't share a child together and we like exes, like you want your way at one, then nah. Can't ask me for no dollars. No.

SPEAKER_02 16:32

All right. I've heard some situations.

Whitney 16:34

Oh, well, let's talk about you. Do you think it's a a red flag? Green flag?

Twonn 16:38

If um, I definitely a red flag for me. This is the reason why I asked, because uh this girl I know, right? She's talking to her ex. Oh, her ex asked her for some money. She asked her man. Her man gave her the money. Okay, now that's disrespectful. That's disrespectful, isn't it? Like, yo, that's crazy. He found out.

unknown 17:03

He's like, yo, what the fuck?

Twonn 17:04

Like, what's what's the deal with this? Oh, that's just my homeboy.

Whitney 17:08

Okay, so yeah, nah. That's definitely a red flag. And that aspect is definitely a red flag. But it just depends on the intentions. Like, it everybody's not like that. Everybody's not looking to, you know, have something on the side while they're trying to be in a committed relationship with somebody else. Now she was just being plain right messy, and clearly she ain't done with that other nigga if she's gonna ask her new nigga for some money to get to the next one. Like, that's violating right there for sure.

SPEAKER_02 17:37

That's a fucking, that's a that's a bomb. That's a fucking whatever you want to call it.

Whitney 17:42

That's definitely violating. I would, I would have some some issues with that. Put hands on. I mean, but that's the same thing. Why you act like your man don't do that? Asking for your sugar, asking your sugar mama so that you can give money to the other female that you're talking to.

Twonn 17:59

Get it some sugar to give some sugar.

Whitney 18:02

Like, so I think, I mean, shoot, men and women, they they do the exact same thing. We just do it differently. We do it smarter.

Twonn 18:14

We men and men are getting up there. Women are definitely smart. Okay, okay. All right, Miss Whitney. That was a uh some good questions. Anything else you want to get off before we uh end this pilot of uh flaggers?

Whitney 18:35

I would okay, so with the whole ex thing, um, do you feel like it's a red flag when women talk to the ex because that's someone they actually like been intimate with?

Twonn 18:48

Sometimes, sometimes just like if we're in a starting relationship, it might seem like a red flag. Like, okay, but then you pay real attention to it. You start, you know, you might be a hustling to the conversation, see where it goes. See if there's a little, uh, you so crazy. Once you get down there, you so you like, all right, this is playing with me. But if it's straightforward and it's just, you know, then it's like, oh, I couldn't I could breathe easy a little. I couldn't coming over for Christmas. Coming over Thanksgiving, none of that shit. But I could breathe easy. Later on down the line, if I find something. What Bobby Smurter said. Hey, buddy, catch your bullet holes.

Whitney 19:35

Yeah, no, I I definitely understand that. I definitely see how that can be. Cause I mean, if I see my my man interacting with someone, he's actually been intimate or share. I know that there there was love there before.

SPEAKER_02 19:48

And sometimes intuition start yes.

Whitney 19:53

Sometimes I mean people reminisce on old times, even though they don't no longer want to be with that person, but they can reminisce on what them and that other person had, and that can make you know the new person feel kind of like out of place or feel like there might be something still there, or yo fellas, you gotta watch out.

Twonn 20:18

Yeah, it's like a six, no, seven cents.

Whitney 20:21

Six cents, six, six, seven, six, six, seven, all the sentences they they there, they there. But yeah, okay, yeah, no, that was that was pretty good.

Twonn 20:31

Okay, well this was the first episode of Flag Us. I'm Twan. I'm with and this was Flag Us.

Whitney 20:53

All right, what's up, y'all?