Flag On the Play

Join Whit & Twon on this road to toxic behaviors. 
Ever heard the 'red flag song' playing loud and clear, but chose to ignore it? This 'podcast' explores the painful journey of staying in a 'realtionship', mistaking 'warning' signs for stress or misunderstanding. It's a powerful reminder that true 'love' shouldn't come at the cost of your 'green flags'.

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Transcript

whit 0:20

Welcome to Flag Us, the podcast where we break down the green flags you should run towards. And the red flags that you should run from. So with that being said, Swan, um what's one red flag that you ignored that you shouldn't have?

twonn 0:39

Hmm, I think uh red flag that I ignore is uh attitude. I honestly sometimes when somebody's showing you who they are, sometimes you gotta believe them. But my thing is like, oh, I could fix them. I could fix them. What's the red flag that you ignored?

whit 0:58

Um so I'm kind of like in the same boat that you are, but I would say um the biggest red flag is seeing potential in something rather than go based off their current uh actions. Like it's always like like you said, like, oh sh I could fix it, I could fix it. Um but it's more of like I see potential in somebody, so I'm expecting them to uh you know get into that, okay. Yes, but it just doesn't pan out from that, and I'm seeing the red flags, but I'm just ignoring them because I'm like, oh, but he has potential to be this. But he never gets to that.

twonn 1:39

I think yeah, that's that's one of my biggest things, and I'll be sitting there like, I can fix it, I can fix it. It's like it's like a sinking ship. You try to put a hole, uh uh some tape on it, and you try to put some more tape on it, and you try to put some more tape on it, and next thing you know.

whit 1:55

So I'm just all taped up, huh?

twonn 2:01

There's some holes in this boat. There's definitely some holes in this boat.

Red flags you ignore.

whit 2:07

Wow. So he is speaking the truth today. Okay. All right, so I got a question for you.

twonn 2:12

Okay. What's a red flag that you think that you thought that you can fix?

whit 2:18

Um, well, as a CEO of Build a Nigga. Nah, let me stop. Let me stop. Um, I just feel like, I mean, you can't teach someone feelings and you can't teach someone desire. You can't teach someone how to love you. Um, you can only teach them how to be better or to make something better. Um, because at the end of the day, like I said, you're building someone, you're trying to build someone into something that they're not. So it's never gonna fall through. It's always, I don't feel like, I don't feel like you can fix somebody. Yes, we try to do it all the time, but I just feel like it doesn't pan out to what we want it to be because that's that, it's not that person's true self. So again, and I think that's where um overlooking the red flags come in because you want to be with someone so bad that you're overlooking all these red flags, and at the end of the day, it's not gonna work. So you're literally just wasting your time. So well said.

twonn 3:28

Well said. All right, Twan, so I'm gonna run it back to you. Uh what do you feel? There's some red flags that you think you can fix in a relationship. Oh, uh definitely attitude. Like attitude and like the way that you uh uh take in life and the way I I always think I can speak life into somebody. Yo, you can do it. Trying to be like a positive Paula instead of a negative Nancy. I always try to speak life into somebody, and that's it don't always work like that. It don't always work like that. So I think that's one thing that I always think I can fix, and I just you you can't. You can't you can't fix it, no matter what.

whit 4:10

You cannot, and we always think that we can, and it's just something that if the person doesn't want to do something, yeah, you can't or they don't desire to do something, or they're complacent with what they are where they are, there's no fixing that. They gotta want to fix themselves. Somebody else can't do it for them.

twonn 4:28

Oh, I got another one too. You know one red flag that, yo, God, you cannot. You cannot. When they ask, when women ask you, oh, what are you looking for in a woman? Don't answer that question. It's a trick. It's a trick. It's a trick. But how is it a trick? You know why it's a trick? Because when somebody asks you what you're looking for, they kind of try to morph into that person on who who who you know, like what you're looking for. Oh, I like them, like say you like them tall, dark skinned. He's gonna go and he's gonna probably put some makeup on and try to put some. Not makeup, put some filts on and try to get tall. You tell a chick, oh, I like a, I like, I like a woman that bakes. All of a sudden, she's Betty Crocker. She don't know nothing. And then later down the line, let's say, oh, I like, I love Star Wars. Like Star Wars for me, that's that's like I love Star Wars. She comes to you and she's like, she knows all the Star Wars, she knows like all the characters. Six months, or maybe a year later down the line, you find out she hates fucking Star Wars. Like she despises Star Wars. And she did all this just to get you, and that's not who you are. Be who you are.

whit 5:49

I would say yes, be who you are. Um, but that's somebody with a lot of time on their hands. Because if I'm asking a man what does he look for in a woman, I'm just trying to figure out if I even want to go that route. Ah, see. So it's a different perspective depending on like the type of woman that you're talking to. Because if I'm like, okay, so what are you looking for in a woman? And they just be like, oh, you know, I want a someone, my companion. I want her to be down for everything. And, you know, I want to do threesome relationships. If that's something I'm not into, I can't commit that to you. I'm not even gonna sit here and try to be that person because that's not who I am. So why even proceed or pursue you if I already know your mindset and where you're going, and that's not something that I want to do. So I'm just gonna be like, okay, you know, maybe I'm not the right person for you.

twonn 6:36

You need to speak life into something.

whit 6:38

I'm not the right person for you. So I'm gonna let you go to the next one. But I do understand what you're saying, you know. Asking, you know, a woman asking you, what are you looking for? And they try to fit into that criteria.

twonn 6:49

But the stilettos don't fit, Ma. Take your foot out of it. Your foot is hanging off the tip of the hanging off the tip. Okay, yeah. All right, well, we got a new segment. New segment we're gonna introduce. It's called Flag on the Play.

Flag on the Play

whit 7:08

Flag on the Play. So, Flag on the Play is gonna be a game, it's gonna be a series of questions. Um, we're probably gonna do maybe like five or six questions. Okay. So I'm gonna ask you five or six questions. Um, and we, once I answer the question, we have to put whether it's a red flag or a green flag right away. I can't wait to see what you pick. You can't wait to see what I pick. And if we're on the opposite sides of the team, then you have about 15 to 30 seconds to plead your side as to why you said it was a red flag or a green flag. And then of course, we'll go ahead and state our sides. Okay. Um, if we agree, then we agree. There's nothing really more we can say because we agree on the same thing. But remember, you have to answer fairly quickly, and then we'll get into it. All right, let's do it. All right. So, first question I'm gonna ask is posting someone immediately after the first date. You need your flags in your hand, sir.

twonn 8:10

Oh, posting someone immediately after immediately after the first date. Alright. So apparently I'll go, I'll go first. Posting somebody immediately after a date is basically saying, you know, it set kind of sets the tone on what the relationship is going to be like. Like this person lives on social media. This person as like the first date is just yeah, you basically live on social media. You don't even know me from a uh a can of blank paint. So why did you pick a green flag?

whit 8:55

Green flag, because I'm on the red side, right? So the reason why I'm on the red side is because I'm petty to the max. So again, if I go out with you on the first date and I post you, that's kind of like me saying, like, hey, who man is this? Y'all got about 48 hours to respond. Because I don't know if you know, which you probably know or you may not know, but there is an app out there called uh T. It's a T app. So the T app is for like women, and we can post the person that we're dealing with or we're talking to, and other women are able to see it. And if your name comes across and somebody knows you, oh, they giving me the T on you.

twonn 9:35

Oh, wow.

whit 9:36

They giving me the T on you. I heard of something like that. I heard that I think the guy's gonna have something similar to that T app. But that's definitely, man, that's a red flag.

twonn 9:47

Because, you know, if I'm if I'm if I'm on that first date with you and I already know that you belong to somebody else or you got a baby on the way, please tell me up front. You post it, hey, please. Whose bands is this? I gotta know. You know, and if I don't hear anything, you know, maybe I'll do a maybe I'll do a story since a story is only about you know 24 hours. You got 24 hours.

whit 10:07

24 hours is speaking. And you know, somebody can, you know, once they comment on that little thing, go straight to my inbox. It's not for the whole world to see. But you know, us ladies is looking out for us ladies, and you giving me the T to tell me to get the running. Or, you know, he might be something. All right. All right, what's the next one? All right, so the next question is they don't want to share locations. I'm going with the red flag on this one.

twonn 10:38

Sorry, I didn't read that. So yeah, green flag, yeah, yeah, yeah.

whit 10:42

Why don't you want to share a location?

twonn 10:43

You listen, the way I was raised, my mama told me to come in when the streetlights came on. She didn't know where I was at. I was safe. Why are we sharing locations? I'm safe. As long as I make it home before the streetlights come on, we are okay. Why are we share locations?

whit 11:00

Why not? If you ain't got nothing to hide, why wouldn't you share your location? So if your significant other is out there and I get, you know, God forbids I don't show up at home or something, and you worried about me not answering my phone, you can't even see where my location is at. What if I'm in trouble? What if I need your help and I'm unable to, you know, reach out?

twonn 11:20

Like this is the reason why they have emergency contacts on your phone. If something contacts. If something ever happened to you, the ambulance, the first thing they do, if they don't know who you are, they pick up your phone.

whit 11:33

But my subscription and my car ended.

twonn 11:35

So No, no, this is on your phone. This is on your phone. Yeah, this is on your phone. What do you mean? You don't go nowhere without your phone.

whit 11:40

Yeah, but what if I get in the accident and I can't get to my phone?

twonn 11:44

Uh see, that's I I got all the answers.

whit 11:49

That's what I'm saying. I'm saying, what happens if something happens to me and I'm unable to reach out, unable to call, and you don't know where I'm at.

twonn 11:57

But that's the same thing as I don't know, I don't know.

whit 12:00

You got somewhere, you got something to hide. No, you got something to hide. I don't know something happened. You probably somewhere you ain't supposed to be.

twonn 12:06

Nah, I'm I'm everywhere I'm supposed to be, but I just don't, it's just that that whole finding out where you at. Are you supposed to you gonna pull up on me or something?

whit 12:14

I ain't gonna pull up on you, but you know, sometimes I wanna, you know, what if I wanna do something special for you and I want to see away? I ain't asking you nothing. Where you at? And you're gonna be like, why? Exactly. Red flag. Okay, whatever. Clearly, we ain't on the same page. We're just gonna go to the next question because you're getting on my nerves. Um, let's see. Um, they eat off your plate without asking. Definitely the red flag. Don't touch my foot.

twonn 12:45

Don't touch, don't, don't, don't touch, especially the dirty hands. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't do that.

whit 12:49

Stay on your side.

twonn 12:50

Stay on your side. I don't want no forks.

whit 12:53

Poking on my plate or nothing. Okay, so that's something that we agreed on. Okay. Uh, next question. Um they watched the next episode of your show without them. I know you're lying. Because you're definitely guilty of it. Why do you think it's a green flag?

twonn 13:16

As long as I don't tell you that I watched it, and I don't tell you what's about to happen, and I'm just as shocked as you is when we watched it together. I don't see a problem in it.

whit 13:30

That's a red flag, because first and foremost, it's my show or it's our show. That's something that we kind of like, we that's our quality time together. And you already done watch the show. And I know that, matter of fact, you do this all the time. And I know you watched it because it says to resume the episode or to play from the beginning.

twonn 13:53

I prepared myself. Just in case there's a sad scene, I gotta prepare myself to hold you. I gotta prepare myself to either cry with you or I gotta prepare myself. So now you're an actor. So now you need to prepare yourself to act for the episode that you shouldn't have never even watched.

whit 14:09

Hey, listen, I prepared myself for what's about to go down.

twonn 14:13

It looks like we need to be in different seats. I guess the next segment, I'm gonna be on the green side. And Swan's gonna be on the red side because all he's giving is red flags, y'all. All he's giving is red flags. What's the next question?

whit 14:29

Next question. Uh, they plan all the dates. Control freak. Definitely a red flag. Control freak. What he said. I don't always agree with Tuan, but on this one, what he said. Wants control of absolutely everything is crazy.

twonn 14:52

I can't get Jiggy with that. I'm like, I'm more of a like spontaneous type, you know, like to do spontaneous, but I know some people who plan like to the T. I mean to the minute. To the like over here, here, and then here, and then here, and then here, and then things don't go with the attitude, then this, and then that, and then this.

whit 15:13

Yeah, I definitely think it's a control thing from that aspect. Alright, so this will be the last question of the flag on the play. Okay, let's get it. Let's get it. They say, and I repeat, they say, let's just vibe instead of putting a label on a relationship.

twonn 15:39

Let's just vibe, let's just vibe instead of putting a label on a relationship. Yes. Alright, fellas. You know, you already know, fellas. Yeah, that's a come on, give it to me.

whit 15:55

For one, it's a ref. Well, I guess it depends on how long we've been talking. Because, not saying it has to be like a boyfriend, girlfriend type label, but if I'm dealing with somebody, I want to know that we only dealing with each other. And by saying, being very vague and be like, oh yeah, we just vibing. That means you vibing with me, you vibing with her, you vibing with whoever you want to vibe with because you don't have a title. So you like, and the moment that you get caught, what is it always like? Oh, we ain't in no committed relationship. We ain't got no title. We ain't got this, we ain't got that. So why do you feel it's a green flag? Because you're free to do what you want, right?

twonn 16:37

Not free to do as I want, but why are we in a rush to put titles on something? Like, why do we always have to have a title on something? Sometimes titles, it just mess everything up. Like, sometimes the book is good if you don't know the name of it.

whit 16:54

I understand that, but like I said, it depends on the timing. So how long you've been dealing with this person. But then also, I just want to know where kind of like where we stand.

twonn 17:04

Like, like you said, some people just rush into a situation. Depends on how long that we've been dealing with each other. Then I might just be like, ah, nah, you my little, my little yeah, yeah. But sometimes, like, like you said, the first date, you're trying to put a label on, so what are we? We human. That's what we is. Who are you talking about? We human.

whit 17:27

So we can agree that time frame. Time, a time frame. Okay, okay.

twonn 17:31

Don't rush, don't rush. Take your time. Mm. Time.

whit 17:38

That's a that's another conversation, probably for another day.

twonn 17:43

All right, with, oh, that was a good game. All right, but I got some I got some green flag questions for you now. Okay. All right. Even with the green flag. So, what is a green flag that people underestimate? Um, a green flag that people underestimate. In a relationship or friendship, what is like a green flag that's like a it's like, damn, that's a good.

whit 18:08

I would have to say, like, the little things people do, kind of like around the house that goes unnoticed or unappreciated. Like, um sometimes when I get off of work, I come home and they're expecting me to cook. And if I come home and it's a dirty kitchen, I'm going in. Like I'm yelling the whole time. The moment that I walk in my house and everybody's been at home all day, and I got stuff in the living room, I got dishes in the sink, all that other stuff. But there's times where, you know, my significant other, you know, tells the kids, like, hey, let's make sure we clean up before your mom gets home so that when she comes, she can cook or whatever the case like might be. I appreciate that so much. I mean, I may not tell him all the time, but when I come in the house and I'm prepared to start yelling, because that's typically what I do every time I come in the house, like yelling about the cleanliness of the house. And when I come in, I'm looking, I'm like, Okay.

twonn 19:10

Cleaned up.

whit 19:10

Okay, house is cleaned up. I go straight to cooking. Like, no yelling involved, ain't nobody getting cussed out, ain't nobody running everywhere trying to pick up everything. So I would say, like, little things that's done around the house that goes like unappreciated, like unnoticed. So that person probably doesn't feel like appreciated, and they're doing this thing to ensure that when you get home, that's one less thing that you have to wear. I definitely appreciate that.

twonn 19:35

That's dope. What about you? Um I think honesty. I think honesty. Because uh I mean everybody can say that they're honest, but really, are you really, really honest? Like that's one thing in a relationship. Even if it's even if it does hurt your feelings. You know, sometimes you just uh have to be honest with yourself. You have to be honest with the person that you're dealing with, and I think that honestly definitely goes uh uh hand in hand with like trying to be in a good relationship. So it's definitely underestimated. Underestimated, yeah. Yeah, that that part is definitely underestimated because it's like that's a must in a relationship, just that honesty. Honesty. Honesty.

whit 20:28

Hmm. Because I recall our first segment. Anyway, I recall our first segment.

twonn 20:35

Anyway, all right.

whit 20:37

You sell dreams.

twonn 20:38

I got I gotta I got another one.

whit 20:40

Oh, yeah, you know what? Talk about that. Okay, well, what's the next one?

twonn 20:44

What's something your partner does that used to annoy you, but then you realize it's a green flag? Mm.

whit 20:53

That annoys me? Yeah, some realize it's actually a green flag.

twonn 21:01

I'll give you one. Yeah, please, because that's a hard one on my own. I'll give you one. Uh for me, it was being petty. For me, kind of definitely gotta go. It's definitely me for it, just I try to realize why are you being petty? And it's kind of most of the time it's cause and effect. Okay. So for me, it's like, all right, you, you, I understand if I mess up, I might get this petty side. It kind of, it's like a behavioral correction. It's like it keeps you in line. So it's like I know this girl about to flip the hell out if I if I do this. So let me let me back up. Let me, you know, I'm let me let me let me not do this or say this. So that way I don't have to sit here and go through the the arguments and whatever. So for me, it's sometimes it's the petty that I used to hate it. I used to hate it, but now it's like, oh, all right. It's like the cause and effects.

whit 22:02

Like, all right, I got this. That's a good one. I see that. I'm still stumped, to be honest, on this question. Y'all, he got me. The first time he left me speechless, so I can't get back at him because yeah, I needed. I need, yeah. That's a good one. What did they say? What's this? Oh, you clocked it.

twonn 22:22

It's a clock it is that T. Um. It's always some.

whit 22:26

Oh, it's something new. We too old for that.

twonn 22:28

All right. I got another, we can end this conversation with. All right. So in every relationship, should every relationship be beneficial? Absolutely. Think so?

whit 22:43

Absolutely. Absolutely. I feel like when you come to a relationship, you gotta bring something other than bills. Uh, I like that. Like you gotta be kind of like a support system, you gotta be a motivator. Every relationship is not always gonna be 50-50. Like, say if you're the sole provider when it comes to, you know, the financials. Like you take care of home. Like you make sure the bills are paid, you make sure there's food in the house, whatever the case might be. Like financially, you are that person. So, in order for me to benefit our life, I have to make sure that home is on lock. Home is clean, food is cooked, kids is taken care of. Like, I just feel like there's a lot of ways where people can contribute to a relationship. But then also sometimes you have to be that therapist. If you come home and you're just having a bad day and you just need to vent, you have to make sure that that person's there to be able to listen. Or a punching bag. Yes. So I don't think beneficial always has to be from a financial aspect, but it also deals with like the emotional aspect. And if that makes sense.

twonn 23:59

I I totally understand that. And that's how I feel about all my relationships. Like friendships, uh friendships, either a co-it has to be beneficial for both of us. You can't, I can't call you my friend, and either we don't have a business together, we don't have like I mean, yeah, we don't have a business together, or we're not making money together, or it's not benefiting our what we want to do in life type situation. Um, same thing, like you said, in a relationship, it's always beneficial. It has to be beneficial. Like somebody's always gonna reap the benefits of either either you give it more or you taking more. Yes. So all right, with another episode. This is episode two. Episode two. Episode two of Flag Us. Uh, I'm Twan. I'm with. And this is Flag Us.

whit 24:58

Bye.

twonn 25:03

All right. Oh shit. Oh shit.