When Listening Becomes Lifesaving

Some communities carry pain that most people never have to see. And then there are people who walk straight into it — every single day — because someone has to.

In this episode of You Don't Know What I Been Through, Gerald G The Mentor and Steph Harmony sit down Sidney Johnson, a mental health specialist doing some of the most necessary — and most invisible — work on the far south side of Chicago. This is someone who shows up for people navigating grief, trauma, violence, and survival. Not in theory. In real life.

We go deep on what it actually means to support a community that has every reason not to trust the systems that were supposed to protect them. We talk about burnout, boundaries, and what keeps you going when the weight of other people's pain starts to feel like your own.

This conversation is for the helpers. The healers. The ones who hold space for everyone else and rarely get asked — but who's holding space for you?

In this episode we explore:

The human side of community mental health work.

💙 Why trust is everything — and how you build it with people who've been let down.

💙 What it really means to meet people where they are.

💙 The emotional weight of showing up consistently in crisis.

💙 Breaking the stigma around therapy in underserved communities.

💙 What healing actually looks like outside of social media.

💙 How to protect your own peace while carrying

📲 Follow us:
linktr.ee/geraldgthementor
linktr.ee/stephharmony

You Don't Know What I Been Through — but we're figuring it out together

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Man, when a thought comes in your mind, just because you had a thought, you got a moment, but you don't have to act on it. So you almost have to learn how to be an observer of your thoughts so that when thoughts come up that don't serve you well, you can challenge them in a moment like that.

SPEAKER_02 0:13

All the ops I've ever had was the system and the police. I said in my music, the only ops I know is cops, the dirty ones. Now everybody not dirty, granted. But from my experience, man, I did 18 months, almost two years, because the cop lied.

SPEAKER_04 0:27

And that just creates like generational trauma. Time and time, it gets it, it becomes the story of this is how the system treats you. This is what I can expect to get. How do you how do you hold space for that? And then what does trauma inform support? Um, what does that mean to you? Or what how does it look through your eyes?

SPEAKER_02 0:49

What up, y'all? This is Gerald G, the mentor.

SPEAKER_04 0:52

And this is Steph Harmony.

SPEAKER_02 0:53

And you are tuned into another episode of You Know What I've Been Through podcast, right? So the special brother in here today, my brother, we work together. He's a down of person with goddamn real stories, real healing, and real community come together. You feel me? So, um, man, he worked in a uh uh in Chicago on the streets every day. He be busy, he be gone for two, three weeks and shit at a time, busy. So, you know, he just be doing his lick, man. He's a clinician, a connector, and someone who truly understands community. You know me.

SPEAKER_01 1:27

And God prepared me for a moment like this.

SPEAKER_04 1:35

Healing is a journey. It's not something like, oh, I'm a rock.

SPEAKER_02 1:39

I'm a kid. I've been through. You don't know what I've been through. You don't know what I've been through. You know what I you know what you don't know what I've been through. Everything that I've been through, I've been through. Family, help me welcome my brother Sydney Johnson.

SPEAKER_04 2:06

Well, I'm excited. Um, Sydney, I am so glad that you're here with us. Um, and I've heard so much about how you just consistently just show up for people, not just as the professional you are, but also as just a grounded, down-to-earth, cool person, right? Um, so we wanted today, we want to just give you your space to tell your story, um, your purpose, your impact, and all those things. So welcome, brother. Definitely.

SPEAKER_01 2:32

You sound good, huh? Man, gee, thank you, man. That was a hell of an intro. Yeah. I was looking around like who that I need to meet him. My boy. No, um, I appreciate the uh the opportunity, man, to uh, you know, to share my story. I'm always um, you know, and not take lightly, you know, um because you know, somewhat of a spiritual brother. And uh the Bible says they were overcome by the words of the testimonies.

unknown 3:01

Amen.

SPEAKER_01 3:02

So so you know, so when I tell my story, man, I don't know who it's gonna resonate with. And uh I just hope. And and then I don't mind making myself vulnerable. Yes. And um, I found that when I'm willing to do that, then it allows other people to feel safe in their vulnerabilities as well. So definitely.

SPEAKER_02 3:18

And working with you for real, you already know. I see it. Like when we have our conversations, it'd be so passionate. He'd be like, see, I can't talk like I really want to. Yeah, we go steps to the side, he be going. I'm like, oh yeah, bro, he really with it. So like like let's start like from the beginning, because you you know, mental health. What first pulled you into the mental health work?

SPEAKER_01 3:38

Man, I grew up, man. I had a lot of uh childhood issues that I had to work through on my own. And uh it took years. And so um, man, I didn't really blossom until I got into my 40s um after I had got a chance to work through a lot of stuff.

SPEAKER_03 3:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:53

And then once I started my healing journey, um, it made me want to help others here, especially my people, because I I knew how deeply rooted the trauma was that ran in our communities. Um, you know, and so it made me want to be a part of the solution. Like, you know, I think about the trauma that affects our people. You know, we got what we call historical trauma that goes beyond, you know, it's just it's just a part of our race, our culture, it's in our DNA.

SPEAKER_03 4:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:20

And so uh and so that's difficult for us to navigate, you know. Like I'm a therapist, I'm a veteran, you know, I done served the country, I done done a lot of great things. I done wrote a book.

SPEAKER_03 4:29

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 4:30

But you know, when I but when the police get behind me, man, I'm just as scared as if I just committed a felony. Yep. You know, and that's just the reality of the historical trauma we face in America.

SPEAKER_02 4:39

For a fact. And I can relate to that. And one thing you said, it stood out to me was healing. That healing, it's a it's a process for real, for real, especially for being trauma. And I do the same shit. I know I'm legit, legal, license, insurance. Boy, them folks get behind me, you hear me? I'm looking in my mind, I'm like, damn, do I got something you ain't supposed to have in this movie? Right. You know what I'm saying? But now it's like, and I'm 38. So for me, it's like it takes time for me to get comfortable and be like, they behind me, so what? But even they're still in my mind, I'm like, I'll be looking at my rear view, even when I be just in the hood, and they they know us for being, you know, in the streets of violence prevention. I still be looking like, shit. I hope you turn off. Or I'ma turn off. You know what I'm saying? I'm gonna make that right, yeah, real quick. You know what I'm saying? So um that's important.

SPEAKER_01 5:26

What you just said, G. That's we we call cognitive challenges. It's one of the things I teach people how to do. It's like, man, when a thought comes in your mind, just because you had a thought, you got a moment, but you don't have to act on it. So you almost have to learn how to be an observer of your thoughts so that when thoughts come up that don't serve you well, you can challenge them in a moment like that.

SPEAKER_02 5:45

That's good shit. I appreciate that. So, so when you uh not win you, but was there a moment, an experience, or a person who shaped the path that you're on today?

SPEAKER_01 5:56

Man, that's a good question. It's a cup, man. You know, we got when you you gotta stand on the shoulders of a lot of people.

SPEAKER_03 6:01

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 6:02

Um, you know, as most of us do, whether we realize it or not.

SPEAKER_03 6:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:06

Um, but it was a lady in my neighborhood, man. I was six or seven years old. Like I said, I had a rough childhood. I was teased a lot because I had my head was the same size when I was six as it is now. You heard me? So, you know, we can be hard on each other. For sure. And so uh it was a lady in my neighborhood, though, named Miss Trotter, lived across the street from me. And uh she used to call me Sydney the Good Boy. Yeah, and uh, and I don't know what it was that she saw in me, but uh, it was something, and so she was always treating me like different than she treated the other kids on the block. And I started believing that shit, man. You know what I'm saying? Like I started, you know, I was loud, you know, when my guys, it became a running joke among my crew. They be getting ready to do some dirt. They'd be like, man, we know you ain't coming. You send me the good boy. I'm like, man, I'll see y'all tomorrow. You know what I'm saying? So yeah, so that's kind of where I just um in the midst of the trauma that I was experiencing, somebody had planted a seed in me that I knew it was more in me. So that was my yeah.

SPEAKER_04 7:06

So it sounds like you started really early on building strong relationships with people, and you've been able to continue that in your work, um, building strong relationships with people, community, families, all of that. But then also going back to we were talking about um just about you know the system and how you know certain situations make us feel, even though, you know, we haven't done anything wrong, but just the system in and of itself. So, how does that impact um how you connect um with the families, with the communities, building these strong relationships for people who may not trust the system and you know, think that that that's really out to get them or they just been let down time and time again?

SPEAKER_01 7:45

I mean, I honor they distrust. The system ain't been shit to us, and we gotta recognize that. And when people speak it, we gotta honor the truth in that. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 7:55

Man, look, then my only ops, bro. Like, I ain't got I don't have I tell people all the time not to cut you off, Sydney, but bro, and this is what I mean by Sydney being him, bro. I love this because all the ops I've ever had was the system and the police. I said in my music, the only ops I know is cops, the dirty ones. Now, everybody not dirty, granted. But from my experience, man, I did 18 months, almost two years, because a cop lied. And I was trying to talk to the judge, my un myself, and the public defender was like, nah, be quiet. You can't say nothing. I'm like, you supposed to defend me. It was a car involved. He ain't mentioned the car at all. He got what he got out the car. I wasn't even close to the car. You see what I'm saying? So yeah, just uh, you know, look. Yeah, man, so many of us got stories like that too. Right, bro. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. So that's being like, like what she was saying, like the system ain't, well, what you said, the system ain't shit. Um, I felt like that.

SPEAKER_01 8:52

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_02 8:53

Damn that my whole life.

SPEAKER_01 8:54

And we get shaped by that, man. Like, and so whether we outwardly say it or not, it it shapes our internal belief system. And so when COVID hit, you wanted to know why you had low trust rates in the vax in the vaccine in the black community because we remember when you lied to us about us eating. And so until you can make right and honor the lies that you done told and the mistreatment that you done gave to our people in the past, how can we trust that you come in and you know in sincerity and honesty today?

SPEAKER_02 9:24

Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 9:24

And that just creates like generational trauma time and time. It gets it, it becomes the story of this is how the system treats you. This is what I can expect to get. And so you're dealing with the systematic trauma. I mean, this is we see compounded trauma in our community. So you also have trauma in just in the communities too, just as a result of just whether it be violence or just grief or different things like that. So you're meeting people in these spaces with this compounded trauma. Um, how do you how do you hold hold space for that? And then what does trauma inform support? Um, what does that mean to you or what how does it look through your eyes?

SPEAKER_01 10:05

Well, I mean, I got a nice network of other therapists that I speak to on a regular basis. Um you know, and then I'm a I'm an IFS therapist. And so um so one of the good things about that is that I it it helps us to learn how to um kind of relate to the different parts of ourselves and give space to the different space. So when I feel that uh frustration or anger or even weariness, then I can give space to it and and and ask it what it needs. And so if it says it needs rest, then I can give it rest. And so that's just kind of being informed about my own system, um, and then you know, and then kind of connecting with other people who I can reach out to if I need additional support.

SPEAKER_04 10:47

That's powerful. Yeah, I mean it starts, it starts from within. And we're gonna be talking a lot about that on this podcast, people. It starts from within.

SPEAKER_02 10:56

Steph the Hill and Harmony. No, but that is like for real. So, like, in within your work, right? It was it uh incident or a person that reminded you of why you do this. Like, was it a pressured time you was like, man, I don't want to do this shit no more. But then it was somebody that came along and was like, oh, this is why I do this.

SPEAKER_01 11:16

Man, I was uh at the time I wasn't a therapist yet. I was um I was directing a boys and girls club. And um, no, I take that back. I was over a mentoring program that uh, in fact, the program was called Culture of Calm right here in Chicago. You may remember it, Stephanie cover the Culture of Calm program. It came out after Darion Albert got killed at fingers.

SPEAKER_04 11:38

Oh, okay. I definitely remember that, but I don't, yeah, I don't recall that that program.

SPEAKER_01 11:42

Yeah, so it was all over the city. The uh it was at the time we got the stimulus money. Obama had released stimulus money, and the city took that money and poured it into this program. Wow.

SPEAKER_04 11:51

Oh, I was in Atlanta. That's what I was in Atlanta at the time. That's probably why I did it. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. I figured I'm like, I know you would have been in the room all that. Yeah. I was in Atlanta, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:00

I remember that stimulus money. Shit, a y'all don't send me no money, ain't asked for I take that shit back, and I gotta pay y'all back the interest. Don't do that shit no more. My bad. Because I needed that bread.

SPEAKER_01 12:12

Well, man, so we we in this program. So our program, the program I ran, was out of Julian.

SPEAKER_03 12:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:18

And so um, it was a young man there, man. And he was um, he was kind of reserved, you know, but he, you know, people would talk about him, kids talked about him because he smelled bad, didn't take good care of himself. So he was in our program. So I kind of cuffed him. And um, you know, we put him in a part-time job, we gave him, put him in programming, got him a haircut, took him shopping, and all of that. And we felt like we had done enough to get him on the righteous path.

SPEAKER_03 12:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:43

But, you know, we didn't understand at the time, we didn't understand the depths of his issues. And so he disappeared again. So I took, you know, I rode around the neighborhood looking for him. And so I come across a man, he and he and a group of guys that he he the youngest one, they all look like they 18, 19, he's 14 or 15 at the time. And uh, I pull up, I'm like, man, get in the car, man. He got right in the car, no questions. Yeah. Took him to lunch right at McDonald's on 95th and Halstead. And uh, we were sitting there, and uh, he looked at me, man, and he said to me, Uh, Mr. Johnson, I appreciate all you trying to do for me. He said, But you might as well try and help somebody else, man. My life has been fucked up since I was four years old.

SPEAKER_03 13:24

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 13:26

And man, that shit, man, I had to get up and walk away because of the tears. In fact, it's tears that come to my mind right now. It's like tears that want to come down just because he spoke for so many people like him that can't, that don't have a voice to articulate those words, but probably feel the same level of hopelessness that he expressed. Wow. And uh that's what reminded me, man, God prepared me for a moment like this. And so this is the work that I'm supposed to be doing. It's why I had to go through the shit I went through so that when I got older I could connect with the pain and other people. That's a fact. So that my story can be my testimony.

SPEAKER_02 13:59

Your testimony. Absolutely. You said that your testimony.

SPEAKER_04 14:02

And this and it is okay to cry on this podcast. We're gonna laugh, we're gonna cry.

SPEAKER_02 14:08

I'm always crying. For real, bro. Like we went to the juvenile uh place today for the graduate for the trust graduation. Shout out to my brother Adolfo, trust graduation um today. The young guys that was in there, we gave them sweatshirts, certificates, and things like that. And just seeing all those young men, you know what I mean, that look like us black and brown, you feel me? And I was looking at them and and and I got a uh a lot of emotion came. And when it was my time to talk, because we said I want to, and I told them, like, man, y'all forever got a brother in me, whether y'all, you know what I'm saying, in here or out in the streets. The fact that y'all haven't gave up on y'all self, committed suicide or nothing like that. You feel me? Like y'all still got hope. I'm like, bro, if don't nobody believe in y'all when y'all get out of here, y'all gotta believe in yourself, and that's enough to make it. Man. And bro, I started that crying. Y'all had to turn around, especially when a young brother got up there talking. He was like, Man, the trust program, man, they came. They was genuine. They really rock with us. They ain't coming here just to be doing something for no paycheck in that hit home. Because I be around people every day in this violence prevention work that just do it for a paycheck, but that's a whole nother episode. Um, but we're gonna address that shit too. You feel me?

SPEAKER_01 15:25

Yeah, it ain't just that work, man. That's a lot of people that we've been calling them poverty pimps for years, that people that come in our neighborhoods with their programs and promises and leave with paychecks.

SPEAKER_02 15:35

You ain't lying, bro. I sli I move somebody around.

SPEAKER_04 15:38

Tell the story.

SPEAKER_02 15:40

Yeah, tell the story. For that, bro, 2016, 17. Man, you got these young, even before then, 2011, 9, bro. You got young guys who wanna do better, get out the streets. You you you use them to get some funding. And it don't even be much. 20,000, 30,000. And then you run and disappear. In the midst of you running and disappearing, bro, niggas died. Niggas went to jail. One of them was my little cousin. Even though in his life he told niggas, like, bro, I don't want to do shit with Rob and all that shit, man. My people that wanna make it, bro, just don't do them in. This what he told this one individual. And then in 2017, he do it again. Disappear seven years. 2024, no, sir. Come here. Move around. Or your ass gonna you know? Like it's one of those for real. So yeah, I definitely can relate to that.

SPEAKER_04 16:30

But that just shows that when you work with your whole heart, and you do this with your whole heart, that people can feel that. People can feel that energy, people can feel that compassion, that love, all of that. So when that young man said that, it's because you can feel it. We can, I mean, even anybody, we can we can feel the intentions of people, we can feel their heart, we can feel their passion. And so when you are, you know, when you're working with people, you have to be, you have to be in this work. This one is not for the weak, but also you have to do it with your heart, or people are gonna be able to tell, and you're not gonna be effective.

SPEAKER_02 17:12

And the ego might get run out, run off the block, like oh boy. He's a get off the block. Get off the block. Say less. And then like, I don't know, like what people like what makes you want to use an individual who got less than you. Like this individual, he didn't have to even do anything in the streets. His father was a police officer, retired. His mother worked a good job, he had family that worked in banks, hospitals, EMTs, nursing. Bro, and then you come and take from the young people who out here every day. We shoot each other up, gang. Like literally. And then you go to your neighborhood or where you stay at the end of the night, and we still in the hood. We just blew that fam, them on a couple blocks away, and now we in the same crib where they can come over here and do whatever. Bro, that shit hit home. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 18:05

Already knowing, man. Yeah, I know what you're saying. Well, man, it's so bad, man. We we didn't got we got desensitized to it. I had a student when we was in the same program as Julian, and uh, she had somebody come shoot up her house. Um, so much so that all the windows in that thing was blown out the house, and they had mattresses and stuff like that up against the windows. And so when I went to visit the family, you know, and offer some support, you know, the you know, the student was telling me what happened, man. She was telling it, telling the story like she was watching a movie, man. Like she was describing the scene from movie, like, yeah, and then they kicked the dough in, and then and it was a six-year-old that got shot. Then they shot the baby, and then they just, you know, they was just shooting it. My brother wasn't even here. So the dude they go and look for, he ain't even there. But the whole family that had to take this kind of, you know what I mean? Yeah. So man, it's crazy how often that stuff happened in our neighborhoods. And if it ain't no, if it don't go viral, then it don't get no support from, you know, the kind of the level of support that we need.

SPEAKER_04 19:03

And that's that's so important what you just said, because being being desensitized is a symptom of trauma. You know, and so talking about like mental health and um our conceptions and preconceptions about mental health, um, and what do you what do you see as some myths or misunderstandings about um about mental health in our in our communities?

SPEAKER_01 19:27

I think the biggest one that I see is that we don't care about our mental health. Um I think that, you know, we did there is a stigma, but I think that stigma is like rapidly leaving. I mean, as we got a lot of our heroes coming forward talking about, you know, a lot of our entertainers and sports figures uh talking about their own struggles and battles with mental health is becoming more acceptable. And more of our people are actually seeking counseling and counseling ain't available. Not to mention that you got an administration that just announced that they're not even gonna offer financial assistance to people who's seeking careers in counseling. So master's degrees and stuff like that are now listed as non-professional. So that the support people need in our community, the thing I hear the most is man, we need more therapists like you. You know, but you got people outside our community that come in, diagnosing our people, putting labels like ADHD on every black boy that they don't understand that follows him all the way through his college life, throughout his life, that label sticks with him. But you got people that don't give a damn enough. Man, I I had a lady wanted me to do it, wanted me to test her son for ADHD. I tested him. He was borderline where he could or could not be. Go do a little bit of digging, man, find out the boy's grandmother had died, he had lost the best friend of violence, and his grandmama was his confidant. That was where he went to the release from all of this, and then she died. So I'm like, well, that's the problem. Right, it's not ADHD. You know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, you know, a lot of these symptoms of stuff be similar, but you gotta get to the core of what, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 21:00

And it's so misdiagnosed and over-diagnosed, especially with young people, just young black boys specifically.

SPEAKER_02 21:06

Yeah, man, that's that is crazy. So, from everything that you talk about, go through with these families, even with that story, right? You strong for everybody else, but like, who's strong for you? You know what I mean? Like, what works for you? What's your what they call it? Shit self-care day. What's what does that look like? Who's strong?

SPEAKER_01 21:26

You know the old saying, man, behind every good black man when he's dead. Yes, sir. So shout out to them. My wife, man. Um my wife, she um she she often uh jokes that when I learn a new intervention, she my test dummy. Uh you know what I mean? Thank you. Appreciate you. So uh, but man, the level of support I get at home, man, is it's really man, I can't even. It's like, man, I don't want for anything. Like, you know what I mean? Like, so she makes sure, and then she makes sure that we get away. You know, she had the idea. Yeah, man, we need to get a vacation vacation once a month. So whether we just go downtown and get a room on the lake and just do that out for a night every month, man. We're making sure that we take that time to, you know, put it on each other and take care of ourselves.

SPEAKER_02 22:13

For sure. Self-care. And listen, y'all, y'all miss it. Don't please don't miss what he's saying, right? Because the woman is very, very detrimental to your life, gang. Like you, he, that's his piece. That's who he can go to whenever. And then she's gonna tell him the truth. She gon' you know, she ain't gonna tell him like no BS or truth. Yeah, no, we're gonna go with this. No, uh-uh. That don't make sense. No, baby, why not? And we gotta listen and don't just listen and don't judge. Straight up, man. For real.

SPEAKER_04 22:49

So Sydney, um, what would you what would you say to um just somebody that's struggling, trying to just figure out how to heal, um, how to how to overcome trauma, um, but may not necessarily one either believe in the system or believe in the impact of really working on mental health and and healing.

SPEAKER_01 23:13

Ah, wow. Um you know, one of the things that I tell people, I mean, like, that's it's really effective. I mean, it's simple, but it's really effective is to just reach for the better thought. Like if you if you have any thoughts and they're not serving you well, like you, you know, they're making me want to, they're making me, you know, like I'm, you know, because what happens is, right, because of our trauma, it responds a certain way. Like, so we get like, you know, we get into these, um, into this, like, where we we drawing from the same memory. So the traumatic experience created a memory which is not in my active memory, it's in my, you know, it's in my my body. And so when so when the memory shows up, I can't even remember sometimes the incident that happened, but I can feel the effect as if it was happening right now. Yeah. And so breathe. Sometimes if you just breathe, take some deep breaths and allow that moment to pass, you'll be okay. Um, and then if you just let think better thoughts, like if the thought that you think in doesn't serve you, I don't care if the new thought is not related at all to what you think, but just think about a thought. Like sometimes, man, I think, man, the bear seven and three. I'm having a rough day.

SPEAKER_00 24:22

Bear seven and three.

SPEAKER_01 24:24

And I and I feel better. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 24:27

Yeah, that's what makes you feel better. That's how I be, um, I promise, bro. It's my it's my babies. You know, my 18-year-old, my now nine-year-old daughter, um, and my son about to be seven. Whenever I have a bed, like I be mad at something, I see they picture, or my daughter call me, and it'll be like that. Whatever happened, never happened. Yeah, never happened. And I'll be like, ain't nothing bothering me. So I could definitely read today. I know Steph can, but ooh, Steph be busy. You hear me? She got a lot going on.

SPEAKER_04 25:02

Yeah, and that's and that's why I like when you said the breathing, the grounding, the the being present. Um, so that's something that I'm have really, really come to learn the importance of, and it's something that you know I work on constantly. It's just, you know, being being present, um, because a lot of times when we focus on, you know, the past, and that if that gets us down or if that presents negative memories, it's like we are we're not able to really focus on what we need to be doing now. Then we focus on the future, it's like that's anxiety. You like you're worried and things like that. And so um, I think you know, really being present is like, okay, what can I? I can go back and change the past, I can't predict the future, but what can I do now? I can breathe, I can center, I can do, I can think about what I'm grateful for. Even if it's something small, it could be like, oh, I woke up this morning, or I can walk on both, you know, with both with both legs, or it can really be anything. Um, but just getting into that habit. And even when I first started that, I was like, okay, I can get up in the morning, I can, you know, it's I'm grateful, but it's like, well, I still got this, this, this, and this, and that. And that's not helping none of that. Um, but the more you practice, even when you don't feel it when you first start practicing gratitude, y'all. I'm telling you. Man, life-changing. Yes, it is life-changing. It may seem silly or it may seem like it's an ineffective in the beginning, but I promise you, just trust the process, have faith. Yes. So those are just some of my little tips and help me.

SPEAKER_02 26:35

You got so many of them. That's a real talk, though. No, it is for sure.

SPEAKER_04 26:39

It's a journey, though. And it's like we on this journey together. Like, like I said before, we're not coming from a space of having having it figured out, you know, with all of our experiences and and things ups and downs. It's like life is a constant lesson of learning every day, is literally our purpose. Yeah, it's to learn, it's to grow. And so, with that, you just enjoy the process, but trust the process.

SPEAKER_02 27:02

Definitely. I I tell people all the time I could learn from a six-year-old. Oh, absolutely. You know what I'm saying? Like, I love learning, bro. Like, I love growing and developing into whatever I know I can be. I always I barely get sleep. Stuff don't don't do that. Oh, you're working on it. I'm working on it.

SPEAKER_04 27:22

No, no, no. Remember, you said, don't try to do it.

SPEAKER_02 27:24

Right, you feel me? I'm working on that. You're doing it. Um, I always overthink, but at the end of the day, when I wake up in the morning time, sometimes I be like, I don't want to do it. But if I speak life until myself, that's another thing. Man, that's important, bro. Like, I could wake up and be like, I'm gonna have a good day today, and I promise you, I have a great day. Yes, and I tell people all the time, well, she just uh corrected me, you know what I'm saying? Put me up on charges. Um, I always tell people we not trying, we doing. Yeah, Adolph was talking, uh, he was in the meeting talking. And as he talking, he like, so I'm trying to do this, and I'm right next to him, like we ain't trying, we doing. He was like, Yeah, I'm doing this, da da da da. But I do that with everybody, bro.

SPEAKER_04 28:07

And because you do that so much, like I catch myself.

SPEAKER_02 28:10

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_04 28:11

When I say trying, I'm like, uh-uh- uh-uh, I'm doing I don't want him to come for me. Let me fix it for you.

SPEAKER_02 28:18

And I correct, listen, I'm surreal. In love, though. I correct, I tell everybody that because my big my thing is we speak things to existence, people don't even believe that, bro. People be like, like they curse their kids out and they do all of this. You stupid, man, your dumb ass, and all of this. And I be like, listen, you can't say that to that person, just like that woman spoken to you when you was real young. Yes, and I meant to say this earlier, but that's where it started. You start believing that. And when people say dumb, stupid, man, young guys believe that when they get older. And that's why they drop out of school, they shit ain't gonna be nothing anyway. You know what I'm saying? And that's why with a lot of men, you know, uh, it's another episode, but it's just like with a lot of men, it's more like what I hear today. The men are becoming the women, and the women are becoming the men. And I hate to say it, but it's true, bro. You feel me? So I've that's why with men, we have to show these men and young men, or even older men, how to be men. That's why I'm the mentor. You know what I'm saying? That's why I'm Gerald G, bro, and that's why I do what I do, because I came from where they came from. And my pops, he was a mub. Well, my pops was militant. He knows his father, you feel me? So when I went to Memphis to be with him, he was like, I couldn't leave a fork in the sink. I could be sleep, man. He's coming to whoop my ass out my sleep. Then I tell you, don't leave no dishes in the sink, daddy, it's just a fork.

SPEAKER_04 29:45

Wow. So yeah, that that actually reminds me of my grandmother. Um, she was she ran a tight ship. Um now by the time, now by the time I think she had she she had five, five kids. Um she's also my grinding or angel, y'all. So um love, love that lady. Love, love, love that lady. But she um she had five. So by the time she had her fifth, she kind of calmed down a little bit. And then by the time she had grandkids, she was a lot softer. But we used to see, you know, we we still saw her in action, but the stories and things like that. So though that's a similar story to my like my mom and um the the some of the the siblings that she the kids that she had um early on about the fork, like literally that exact same story. But that even translated to my mom in a way she wasn't as militant or she wouldn't like you know, wake me up out of my sleep to whip me. But that one fork, oh, it was a problem. I was getting yelled at. I was like, she might not say nothing to the next day, right? But it's gonna be, it's gonna be something. Yeah. And then she she you know learned to kind of you know let off me a little bit and stop, you know, because even that, that's like you, you get you kind of tense up, but it's like it keeps you kind of on your toes. It does.

SPEAKER_02 31:00

Yeah. And if they could give you a look and you know, straighten right up. Yeah, man.

SPEAKER_04 31:04

Straighten up flat right. Um, yeah. Shout out to my mom. She is the most amazing mom dukes.

SPEAKER_02 31:11

Shout out to my mom.

SPEAKER_04 31:12

Amazing human being. I love it. Love you, mom. Love you, mom.

SPEAKER_02 31:16

So, so what's something about Sydney the man, not the professional?

SPEAKER_04 31:22

The man, the myth, the legend.

SPEAKER_02 31:23

You feel me? What do you want the listeners to know about Sydney Johnson?

SPEAKER_01 31:28

Man, you know, oh, y'all y'all talking about moms and grandmas got me thinking, man. I really ain't nothing but a mama's boy. All right, man. My mama passed away uh during COVID, man. Sorry for your loss, bro. Thank you, bro. It's it's one of those things you never get past. Um, so that's you know, that's who I am, man. You know, my mom uh she raised me. Uh man, I grew up when you got your ass whooped. You know, like y'all talking about, you hear me? Or bring that back. And I don't know if y'all remember, but they used to say this is gonna hurt me worse than it hurt you.

SPEAKER_00 32:00

Yes. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_04 32:01

Yes, I never understood until I got older.

SPEAKER_02 32:05

Yeah, and I started having my own.

SPEAKER_04 32:07

I didn't mind that.

SPEAKER_02 32:08

I'm like, definitely, especially with my daughter, right? Oh, I love my daughter. I do not whoop my daughter. But when I see her mama do it, I be like, why you hitting on the Well, wait a minute, let's talk about it. I'm the same thing with my daughter, man. Okay. Her mama said, her mama be like, Yo, soft ass.

SPEAKER_04 32:30

Little misty eyes. You hear me, man? I'm crying with her.

SPEAKER_02 32:33

Man, for real. Nah, that's that's serious though. Yeah. That ass game ain't no like that. It's nah, it's crazy though. Like, for real, for real. Like, it's like watching these young people and these kids today, the way they are, the way they act, the way they move. When I was younger, I was like, man, it's crazy. But when I got older, when people used to say, watch your mouth, do you uh kiss your mama with that mouth? I never understood as a kid. But now I'm older, and now I raised my son and how he is. 18 to college, shout out to my son, Daniel. Um, and now I started to see other kids, and I'm like, damn, in my mind, who the fuck raised y'all?

SPEAKER_03 33:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:14

You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 33:16

The adults are different now though, man. Like, man, it's ridiculous how much, you know, the difference there, the difference in the adults.

SPEAKER_03 33:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:24

When I was coming up, man, I remember a time, I was about 14, 15, and you know, we was uh we was hanging out, going to get a bag of weed. And uh man, we couldn't get nobody to sell it to us, man. It was in the middle of the day, and all the people in the hood that saw weed was like, man, get your ass out and go to school, man. You know, and so it was just a different time. The adults moved different, and as a result, we we moved different. Definitely, yeah. You can see it.

SPEAKER_04 33:50

And they looked out for each other in the neighborhood. Exactly. Like on my block, it was like, look, we looking out for each other. We had the block club, and it's like they we everybody's watching the kids. It's like so. If you see somebody doing that, don't doing that. Oh, best believe, my mama's getting a phone call or knock at the door, or and she's doing it for other people. So it's like, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:14

That's that structured piece. Yeah, that's what we're missing today. Community, community, community, absolutely, right?

SPEAKER_04 34:21

Absolutely. Instead of I tell my I ain't gonna even get into that.

SPEAKER_01 34:24

We're not gonna get there. We're not gonna be that's another episode. Yeah, that's another episode.

SPEAKER_04 34:29

I was like, I don't want to I don't want to turn rough no feathers, but a hit dog holler. Right. Uh but I digress.

SPEAKER_02 34:38

Oh wow. Steph, you funny straight up. That's what y'all gonna get, y'all. Steph harmony, she got authenticity.

SPEAKER_04 34:45

What do we say?

SPEAKER_02 34:45

Be yourself, be yourself a hundred, always be your hundred, keep it 100. Speak from your heart.

SPEAKER_04 34:50

Speak from your heart, all the podcast norms just kind of rolling through naturally. Um Sydney, how how would you say um you've you've come into this space based, you know, you you show up based on your experiences and all those things. Um but this work is so um one, it's your passion, it's your heart, it's meaningful, and I'm sure to some level it has you've learned and it has shaped you in some way. Can you just expound on that a little bit? Like, how has this work shaped you?

SPEAKER_01 35:21

Um man, it's made me um just kind of aware, I think. Um and I think that the awareness, I think even in our individual growth, I mean, like once you become aware of your trauma points and how you're responding to them, then you have the power to change them. Um you have the power to create, you know, it's neurodiversity. You know, so you got the part to uh you got the power to come in and and change, you know, your thought process. And so that's the same thing I I think that is true across the board. So I think it shaped me in a way that um, you know, I recognize the power of thought.

SPEAKER_03 35:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:57

And um and I try to uh and then I recognize, you know, once you um that you know, once you have a thought that there's a that you got other options. Yes, yeah, right. Like the thought the thought is there and you know, I ain't gotta do nothing with it. I can just sit in it and see what the thought is trying to tell me. You know what I mean? See if there's other thoughts that come up from it or before I respond or react.

SPEAKER_04 36:18

Yeah, and even uh taking my power back.

SPEAKER_01 36:22

I think that's the biggest thing. It's like, man, just feeling empowered over myself. You know, like we try to control other people, man, and most of us ain't even in control of ourselves. Say it, say it, say it, say it. We can snap today.

SPEAKER_04 36:36

And that's that's so important, taking your power back because there's so many, I think, I think just things in life and systems that we become just disempowered. I mean, we are literally working and and living in you know, disempowerment. We see it all the time. So being able to do just that, take your power back and embody that and that energy, that frequency that reverberates, people feel that, and then they themselves are transformed or they're touched or they're changed, or at least you've planted a seed, so it's beautiful, it's absolutely beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 37:17

So that others don't feel secure insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is in us, and it's not just in some of us, it's in all of us. All of us and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. You don't even have to say nothing. Just be there and show up, and your presence is gonna free some people.

SPEAKER_04 37:42

You speak my language.

SPEAKER_02 37:46

We do that. Speaking my language until you said that that's exactly because when I walk in any room, somebody called me arrogant uh yesterday because uh at the expo, we was at the expo.

SPEAKER_04 38:01

Say their names.

SPEAKER_02 38:02

I don't even know her name.

SPEAKER_04 38:03

Once we stopped.

SPEAKER_02 38:06

But one of the homies who I know personally, he came, he was there, and he was like, Jira, you know her? And I was like, Nah, I don't know her. And she was like, Oh, it's okay, you know, with his little arrogant self, da da da da, even though she was joking.

SPEAKER_04 38:20

No, that wasn't a joke.

SPEAKER_02 38:21

I could have taken it offensive, but I politely was like, No, ma'am, it's called confidence. And she was like, Okay, then Mr. Confident. I'm like, but how you doing? And I gave her a hug and kept it moving. So what you said that resonates every day. And it's like people tell me, like, bro, it's a light shining on you. And in my mind, I'm like, fuck is you talking about? But by me being in tune with who I am, knowing who I am, my authentic self, and I don't care what nobody says or think about me, I know how I move. I know how I am, I know I got a genuine heart. It's crazy because like when things happen to me, God makes something happen to them. If people try to play me and get down on me, eventually, bro, God does something to them, the spirit of God. And it's like I'm chosen, and I'm not afraid to say that. Yeah, I am. I feel like I know that I'm a chosen one. No arrogant boasting, that's just me knowing and believing who I am first.

SPEAKER_01 39:09

Man, gee, that's so powerful, man. Like, you know, that's and what you just mentioned to me, that's the greatest gift that we had to get the world, right? The ability to show up as our authentic self. There's only one of us, and the part of the problem is that too many of us spend our time trying to be like somebody else exactly instead of learning to love and embrace who they are.

SPEAKER_02 39:28

Yes, yeah. So when you look ahead, right, uh five years, ten years, whatever. Like, what's the dream of yourself? Like, what's the bigger picture from man?

SPEAKER_01 39:39

I plan on doing a TED talk when I talk about the uh can I can I get a road? Yeah, I want to talk about man the impact of trauma on the black community, um, on black men in particular, and on how that trauma shows up in our decision making. Um, you talk about you know how we feel prisons and stuff. I'm gonna talk about the unresolved trauma and the systematic oppression that has occurred that has led to a lot of our unresolved trauma that creates and puts us in the positions that we find ourselves and and and offer some solutions on things that you know people that actually say that want to help can do to help. Definitely. So I want to do that, and then I want to go and just kind of be man, I I really want to like one of my biggest things has always been to be a part of the a bigger part of the solution. So like when people come in my doors, like the young man we talked about, or definitely you know, others like that. I sit with in therapy, I can help them directly, one-on-one, individual therapy. That's kind of micro level, you know, and I want to be a part of the macro level solution and conversation. Like I want to be able, when their conversations about black people and and mental health, I want to be at the table, man. And I want to because I think that that's part of the problem. You're talking about us and not to us. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 41:00

Say that. Say that, say that. That's how I be with the younger people in uh the violence for bed. Exactly like that. What? It's like, yeah, we're gonna say what they need and what they want. One time we talk, I'm just because me, I always observe. If I don't know you for real, I ain't gonna talk to you. I'm cool on you. Ain't it ain't that I don't like you, it's just I don't know you. And I'm observing. So when I be in the room like chilling with the young people, I be looking for the ones who got a problem. Like today at the IDJJ. This young guy was being bullied out of his food.

SPEAKER_04 41:32

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 41:32

So the CEO was like uh the correction officer, whatever they call him at the IDJJ. She was like, hey, come here. I'm like, what's going on? She was like, he didn't eat. And he gave his food to him. So I walked up to the guy, I say, Man, um, man, get you something to eat, man. He was like, I ain't in the mood to eat. I say, bro, these tacos, five boy, you don't know what you're missing, you know. It didn't move him. So I ate my little fruit roll up. You know what I'm saying? In front of, I say, man, I stooped down to him in his ear. I say, listen, if a motherfucker bullying you, boy, be his ass. Nigga, don't care what you gotta do, man. Get him. And he lit up. The man shook my hand, bro, like, alright, thank you. You feel me? So they let me know, oh, he being bullied. Oh, bro, them day, they getting him out his food. So the CO, like, well, I'm gonna take his food to his room and then he gonna eat at his room. So like now I'm hollering at him. I'm like, oh, so they extortin' them too. You feel me? So it's like that's the type of things that I look at when I go into these facilities. Like the ones that's pretenders, you could tell. Out here pretending he's trying to kick it. He got his little homies, they laughing, they ain't really no shit. But this one over here that's quiet, that's looking mad and angry, and everybody laughing and smiling, bro. You gotta check on him. Hey bro, what can I do for you, gang? What's what's what's good with you? Give me a hug. You know what I'm saying? Check it out. I let him, because those the ones, you feel me, that need it the most. And just by me saying if a bully try to do something to you, man, whoop his ass, boy. Act crazy. Just start swinging, grab him, punch him, bite him. Ain't no rules in fighting, like I'm kicking it with him. And he that made his day. He man, I appreciate you, bro. Man, I need your information. I say less, we already got yours. For real. So yeah, that was that was D for me today.

SPEAKER_01 43:17

Yeah, that's heavy, man.

SPEAKER_02 43:19

Yeah, it is.

SPEAKER_04 43:21

That is that is that is very heavy. Um, but that just shows that that passion, that that vigilance, just and the advocacy, wanting to make sure that I mean that that's that's the work. It's just really seeing the need, being still, listening, exactly, observing, and the story will write itself, the story will tell itself, and then standing in that space and being able to advocate and say, How can I support you? What is it that you need? So that's that's super powerful. That's super powerful. Sydney um wanted to just talk a little bit, uh just lighten it up, but just just

SPEAKER_01 44:00

a little bit okay um and i mean you just you your inner energy is just just amazing and um but what are what are some of the things that bring you joy what are what are things that what is something that just you know makes you smile what what lights you up these days oh man i like movies and tv you know and that's what i do to unwind um you know um but then you know kind of my kids um seeing them doing their thing i got my daughter is 19 she's an Alabama and M and she's going in the um field so so my goal right is to get my business big enough so that when she comes out with her MSW yeah she can earn her clinical hours working in my facility and then she can um you know and then she can take it over eventually.

SPEAKER_04 44:45

I like that and I can write plans so that so that brings me joy seeing my seeing my kids achieve their dreams um seeing you know seeing us um moments like this bring me joy give me hope because this wasn't available to us 20 years ago you know and so you know man that's you know I think I um for me man really I would I would be happy if I could just um you know I've been I've been in this struggle for a long time yeah um just seeing progress I think is um brings me and and and and as slow sometimes as progress is to recognize and and change is to notice um it is happening I mean like I said I mean we just um we we 50 60 years removed from when our parents and grandparents couldn't get a cup of coffee at a lunch counter and then we got podcasts that's going all over the world you know you know what I'm saying and so you know what I mean like in real talk man and that that makes that makes me happy man for real yeah yeah yeah I love that I heard I heard expansion yeah I heard self-care everything yeah everything but the thing is you you determined that to be so so when you determine that your expansion is an inevitability it has no choice but to manifest as expansion absolutely and so I just I'm excited to just see your see your journey unfold and um yeah I just yeah I'm just I'm just excited thank you I'm excited to me too yeah it's brothers like Mr.

SPEAKER_02 46:17

Sidney Johnson man that um that we need we need more you know that care like all your knowledge you know about mental health but the fact that your heart in it your passion is in it that's what's lacking with a lot of people so for that I really do thank you gang like for real for real because the work that you bring people don't know this I called Steph one day I'm like hey Steph because a young guy rest in peace to my little man's Jalen he uh had a gun he didn't know how you know what I'm saying and it went off and it hit him and you know in the head uh rest in peace to him and he deceased but his young homies his brothers play brothers they witnessed it you feel me and then when I was like yo I really want to go pick them up and bring them in you know what I mean it was like well I believe you was out of town it was like well Sydney out of town and then somebody else was like well I could talk to him but when they said that I was talking to them and I asked them a question and the first thing they was like well he gotta want it and I was like what so it turned me off I called Steph like listen we need a a mental health person that we can call and be like listen this young brother just experienced a murder was what they call it suicide but it's like a self inf it's like an accidental murder that's what it is accidental suicide accidental self-inflicted yeah okay yeah that's that's what it was accidental they trying to make it seem like he was going through no shorty was a hustler like he'll go get some candy from 71st and go downtown and sell it and come back with a bank roll like he never thought about none of that and we was at my job we actually you know helped him to try and find a job so I called Steph like yo we need like a 24 hour almost traveling mental health person to talk to this young brother you know and the first thing I did when I saw him because he was shaking at the balloon release I saw him he's shaking and crying I hugged him I say man come here I gave him a hug I say bro here go my number you know what I'm saying called me and I called him followed up with him now I ain't gonna lie he's scared to actually come in and sign a paperwork to be like alright cool you know he's 17 18 I believe his little brother 16 you feel me but I'm like bro I ain't gonna stop because I you know that was my little man's too you know what I mean but just to have mental health specialists on deck would be would be nice so they can man I'm gonna bring up to you alright cool hey dude what's going on you know what I'm saying because I wanted him to have that that feeling of love that feeling of trust and that day I ain't gonna lie I was a little irritated because it's like it wasn't no yeah bring him in but it was like well he gotta accept it I mean if he walks in here on his own then we can't turn him around like that's not the answer.

SPEAKER_04 49:03

And then that's just kind of to lead with that and you don't know anything about that purse and you know like if they had a history of that I'm not even saying that's okay to say that but you don't even know anything about all the thing you knew was okay they they um unfortunately accidentally you know you feel me right exactly and and the friend is going through it and they need some that's all you knew is that the friend lost somebody you feel and you and your first thing is okay they gotta want it but that shows maybe that's it's like you letting that trauma or whatever negative experience that you have from maybe seeing people that may not yet be ready to engage and it's not that they don't want it they don't know maybe they don't know how maybe maybe it feels dysregulated because chaos feels so normal. So I mean we the whole nother episode is you know talking about our our people that are in this space in these healers and like we got to understand trauma and what it really is so that we don't say things like that. Exactly but that's another episode another episode we on the lookout we got a lot of shit going on so uh man for real for real my brother Sidney Johnson came through man may every listener remember that healing is not a destination it's a journey you know what I'm saying you deserve peace you definitely deserve support and you deserve to be seen stuff hit us with a message please please give us a message message wait where's that hold on wait wait I gotta do it I gotta do it that ain't yeah let us know what's saying well before that um Sydney I also I just want to thank you so much for yes for showing up um and just being you but that's who you are um but you were authentic you were vulnerable um we just really appreciate somebody is gonna be touched by this episode multiple people they're gonna come out of this uh conversation and as you do every day planting the seeds and helping and and people on their healing journey somebody is going to be touched by what they're listening right to right now so I appreciate you so much it's been an amazing conversation and so just to kind of ground us and buzz us out um but I just want I just want us all to know and understand and and come to believe yes that healing is not a destination it's a journey I know we mentioned that earlier you know we're not coming from a a place of having it all figured out this is a journey what we do to ground what we do to um just just feel healed and feel whole it's not a destination it's a journey it ebbs and flows but what I do know is that you deserve peace you deserve support and you deserve to be heard you deserve to be seen and so we love you. Please take that with you and I hope that it resonated um as you step into this journey and continue on this journey with us.

SPEAKER_02 52:02

Amen