Grief, Loss, Signs

The girls elaborate on how the passing of their beloved grandfather, Papa, relates to a larger conversation about grief, signs and navigating loss.

GRIEF RESOURCES:

📚Signs: The Secret Language Of The Universe {Laura Lynne Jackson}

https://a.co/d/06QkSvvh

🎧"All There Is" Podcast by Anderson Cooper found on Apple and Spotify

🎙️SISTERS ON THE SCENE:

Instagram:   / sisters.on.the.scene 

💜BADMAD:

Instagram:   / badmad_007 


🩷HOLLYWOOD HILL:

Instagram:   / hollywoodhill_  

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back to Sisters on the Scene. I'm Bad Mad. And I'm Hollywood Hill. And today's episode, Socialites, we are not going to do our typical pop culture format that we have been doing. Last week we got the unexpected call that our grandfather passed away, our dad's dad, Papa, and currently going through, you know, the grief and loss that we're going through. We are just going to share our experience. Everyone handles grief and loss differently, whether it be a loved one, a pet, a job, an opportunity. But we just want to share some helpful tools that we have used over the years. And, you know, on the coattails of losing papa, we just felt like this was an appropriate topic for the episode this week.

SPEAKER_01 0:38

Obviously, right now we are grieving the loss of a loved one, but grief can affect you in many ways. I experienced grief when we had to move out of our house because of the fires. I grieved that move because we loved our first house, the Woodland Hills house. Madeline has grieved life after her injury. It's completely changed how she navigates her world now. Pet loss.

SPEAKER_00 0:59

It's grief in different fonts, but it's never going to be linear. And we just want to have an open discussion on today's podcast about this topic in general because I do feel like it truly does affect every single person. Right.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

Because if you have not lost a loved one, you may have lost a job.

SPEAKER_00 1:16

Yep. Or, you know, lost a relationship, a friendship.

SPEAKER_01 1:19

An opportunity. There are many ways in life that we have to grieve. And we definitely are a big believer in signs.

SPEAKER_00 1:27

Yes. We want to talk a lot about this.

SPEAKER_01 1:30

We wanted to get a little more into what signs mean to us and being open to receiving a sign.

SPEAKER_00 1:37

Because I do think that's a really big part of it. You have to open your heart and mind up to receiving signs from the other side. Otherwise, you might miss them.

SPEAKER_01 1:46

I think we should get right into that because we received a sign from Papa immediately after learning that he passed.

SPEAKER_00 1:53

Immediately, socialites. And we wanted to share this story on the podcast to inspire all of you to look for signs from your loved ones.

SPEAKER_01 2:00

We have received signs in the past from loved ones, but this was the most clear sign I'd ever received.

SPEAKER_00 2:07

This sign was crystal clear. So we have to get into this. Let's start with last Saturday. So Hillary and I finally had a free day together to sit down at the dining room table and do our taxes, which we'd been putting off and putting off and putting off.

SPEAKER_01 2:20

And we do like to do them together and sit together at the table.

SPEAKER_00 2:24

We do. We just hammer them out, you know, lots of water.

SPEAKER_01 2:27

There's a lot of camaraderie and just being sad about having to do your taxes.

SPEAKER_00 2:31

Being miserable together. But we sat down, we did them, and honestly, something was telling us to just sit down and do them that day. Because we had a few other free days in the following week, but we were like, we should just do them today.

SPEAKER_01 2:44

We just got a little ping, just sit down and do them today, which in hindsight, if we would have waited any longer, it would not have worked out because we would have flown back to Ohio. So we would have had to bring every W2 with us, and it just would have been a mess.

SPEAKER_00 2:57

On that note, too, you notice Hillary just said a ping. So in our family, we kind of refer to a gut feeling, or if you have a random thought that pops into your mind, but it's super clear, crystal clear, we refer to that as a ping. Like us doing our taxes, we got the ping of sit down and do your taxes today.

SPEAKER_01 3:15

I should check my oil, just something very specific that pops into your mind that you're not thinking about.

SPEAKER_00 3:20

I solely believe that the pings happen for a reason. So we got that ping to do the taxes, and it took us all day. You know how it is. Yes. And so at eight at night, we were finally done. And I'm like, we need a little reward. We were starving. We did not feel like cooking. So naturally, we're like, let's go to In N Out. We let the dogs out, we clean her off the table, we finally get around to getting our shoes on, and we finally get in the car to go head over to In N Out, which isn't too far from our house. And so we pull into line. It's like 20 cars deep, not unusual for a Saturday. It's about 8:30 p.m. at this time.

SPEAKER_01 3:56

And so we get a call from Ma, which I thought was unusual because we'd talked to her earlier that afternoon.

SPEAKER_00 4:01

And also Ohio time, 8:30, our time's 11:30 at night.

SPEAKER_01 4:05

I remember Maddie looked at me and said, oh no, it could be about Papa. We answer the phone, mom tells us that Papa passed.

SPEAKER_00 4:12

It was unexpected in the sense that we didn't know when it would happen, but he had been declining, so it wasn't completely unexpected the way some losses are. We knew it would be soon, but we didn't know when. Yeah, and my dad had been giving us updates. Gigi had been giving us updates. And so mom's call we knew would come eventually.

SPEAKER_01 4:30

As she's giving us the details, my eyes wander up to the car in front of us in line. And I happened to notice their license plate, which said papa.

SPEAKER_00 4:40

And when Hillary saw it, she literally on the phone was like, I'm not joking, the car in front of us has papa on the license plate. And it was exactly how we spelled it, P A P A.

SPEAKER_01 4:50

Seconds after mom had told us that he passed. Probably 10 seconds.

SPEAKER_00 4:54

And I got instant chills when Hill said that. And I'm like, that's him. Think of all the factors that had to happen to put us behind that car at that specific time for mom to call us in that exact minute for you to notice it.

SPEAKER_01 5:08

Yeah, the noticing's a big one too, because I don't remember the last time I read a license plate. It said the best pop-a-faction.

SPEAKER_00 5:15

It was the border around it. It wasn't even the actual license plate with the numbers. How did that make you feel to see such a clear sign? Like I said, gave me chills. That was like a physical reaction, but in my heart and in my mind, I just immediately felt at ease. Like he's okay. How did you feel?

SPEAKER_01 5:33

I just instantly felt the knowing that he was at peace. I felt really relieved and comforted, like he was giving us a hug. I also think not forcing it. If you think something's a sign from someone, then it is.

SPEAKER_00 5:45

It's definitely up for personal interpretation. And odds are, if you feel like it's a sign from someone you love, it probably is.

SPEAKER_01 5:52

After mom called us, we knew that we had to try and clear our schedules and come home as soon as possible. We really wanted to be there with the family and Gigi and our dad.

SPEAKER_00 6:00

I will say though, one thing I love about working freelance in Hollywood. We are essentially our own boss. Different people call us for different sets, but we are not under the umbrella of an agency or a corporation. We truly pick and choose what jobs we want to take, what works for us.

SPEAKER_01 6:18

Freelance does have its negatives though, because obviously if you're not working, you're not making money.

SPEAKER_00 6:22

You gotta keep it real, right? Because it ebbs and flows just like anything else. Does require you to hustle because if you're not working on one project, you need to be working on something else to pay the bills. Save your pennies for a rainy day. If you're Hillary, socialites, it's a known thing. I am the spender, Hillary is the saver.

SPEAKER_01 6:40

I love to spend too, but I think because I'm a Virgo, I just can't allow myself to spend. You are so responsible. I am. I'm currently on American Idol, and I love the team. They're so sweet, and so they were just so kind about me being able to go home and just said, you know, whatever you need, so accommodating. Shout out, Trisha and Britney. Love you girls.

SPEAKER_00 7:00

It's kind of an ongoing joke in the family. I'm our travel agent. Maddie handles the family travel. I do. I just have taken on that role. I don't know if that's a middle child thing.

SPEAKER_01 7:09

You're really good at finding the best flights, zero layovers. I don't know. I like it. I kind of just show up and do what Maddie says.

SPEAKER_00 7:16

We have a family group chat, of course. And so Hillary and Logan were both at work. So everyone is texting in the group, like, we can't look at flights right now. Maddie, can you just handle it? Got it all taken care of. We got the clearance from Hill's work. Logan's was a little more difficult just because there's no direct flights from Honolulu to Ohio. I mean, that had its own challenges.

SPEAKER_01 7:39

Maddie worked her magic, but he did have to get on a red eye.

SPEAKER_00 7:43

But our top priority was just getting back to dad. As soon as possible. As soon as possible. It wasn't even a question. I would have flown out Sunday if we could have. But Hillary and Logan both worked. Through loss, it really is a time to rally together.

SPEAKER_01 7:57

Top priority was just getting back to Ohio to be with dad and Gigi and the rest of the family. And truly, we just grabbed a few things from the closet and were like, I think I'm good. I hope I got everything.

SPEAKER_00 8:08

I had a little anxiety because this is my first long flight post-surgery. We did the Redwoods back in February, but that was like a one-hour flight from LA.

SPEAKER_01 8:17

It went great, but it was literally 59 minutes.

SPEAKER_00 8:20

Flight of my dreams. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:22

Wish they could all be like that.

SPEAKER_00 8:24

The flight to Ohio, man, that is never fun. Little baddie tip. If you do have a broken leg or fractured anything or ankle or anything like that, you can request wheelchair service through your airline. I didn't even know they had this as an option. Mom really pushed me to do it because she's like, you don't want to mess anything up with your leg and over exert yourself. That was all mom. Gotta give her credit. Honestly, that was so smart because it just was so far to walk and you need to hustle. I would have been hobbling along the airport. Like it just would not have been good. So definitely recommend doing that if you have an injury or are still in recovery from an injury. Great, great tip. Socialite tip. Everything went good though. Oh, but because it was so last minute.

SPEAKER_01 9:05

We talked about the flight, but because it was so last minute, there weren't any seats next to each other available.

SPEAKER_00 9:13

We both got stuck in a middle, of course. But my seatmates were good. I mean, we were just fortunate that there were spots on that plane left because it left the next morning.

SPEAKER_01 9:23

Travel agent Maddie will not book us layovers.

SPEAKER_00 9:25

Oh, I refuse to do a layover.

SPEAKER_01 9:28

Also, there's such a higher chance of your luggage getting lost. That's what I'm saying. Don't even want to risk it.

SPEAKER_00 9:33

It doesn't make any sense. What is your in-flight drink of choice? Apple juice. She's so serious right now.

SPEAKER_01 9:40

The haters will say it's for kindergartners. I don't care. I'm not a pop. Oh, sorry, soda. I'm not a soda girly, and I already bought water at the airport. So apple juice all the way. What about you?

SPEAKER_00 9:51

This is kind of strange, but ginger ale. Yeah. Isn't that weird? I don't, I think that's one of dad's favorites, and I'm up with that. No idea because on the ground, you won't catch me ever drinking a ginger ale. Ever. She's a different person in the air. But in the air, I'm like a little ginger ale soothes your stomach.

SPEAKER_01 10:09

It's ice cold. This is crazy. I'm actually shocked right now. We've never bought ginger ale.

SPEAKER_00 10:14

No. But dad is voinas. It is voinas. Dad loves voinas. So no, ginger ale all the way only in the air for me. And what is up with no planes having TV screens anymore?

SPEAKER_01 10:25

Did they discontinue that? Because I remember being able to watch pretty much any movie.

SPEAKER_00 10:30

What airline is that? It makes everything go by so much faster. And I have not been on a plane that has had a movie screen, and I can't even tell you how long. Let us know, Socialites, because it isn't American. It's not united.

SPEAKER_01 10:43

It has to be Delta, but I feel like we really did every plane discontinue that and make the middle seat smaller.

SPEAKER_00 10:48

Because I'm mad. Sister says every plane should have a movie screen.

SPEAKER_01 10:52

And free Wi-Fi. The flight went well. Mom and dad are always there to pick us up. Honestly, we love flying into Columbus because it feels so tame. Tame is a great word. I feel like no one's there.

SPEAKER_00 11:05

No one's there. It's so easy. We spent the week just going through old photos, listening to Papa's favorite music, watching his favorite movies. It really just felt like a huge tribute to him.

SPEAKER_01 11:19

Even though the reason we were home was really sad. It was just so nice to be with mom and dad and the whole extended family. Every time we're at mom and dad's house, too, it just takes me back to growing up and all our favorite times.

SPEAKER_00 11:32

Because that is the house we grew up in. It is. And it's been over a year since I've been back because of the broken leg thing. Yeah. So being back felt so nostalgic. And like we said before, we were really fortunate that we could take a full week off, really be present in the moment, get to spend quality time with so many of our extended relatives.

SPEAKER_01 11:51

I think it's really special too just to see how many people turned out for his calling hours. I mean, the line was out the door. You are so three plus hours.

SPEAKER_00 12:01

And I would say too, never underestimate what that means to a family. You know, if you can show up, please do. For somebody who touched your life, whether it be in Papa's case, he was a coach for over 35 years ago. He was a little league coach for years. And there were so many old players and just people that he brushed elbows with throughout the years, being such a pivotal part of the community there.

SPEAKER_01 12:27

A lot of old family friends, and I just think that's so comforting as a family to see.

SPEAKER_00 12:32

I mean, we had friends of 30 years coming from the lake. We have so many memories of Paw Paw at the lake. Yeah. So to see our lake community show up for us, and it just really meant so much.

SPEAKER_01 12:44

And if you couldn't be there physically sending flowers, even just something as simple as a text, too, to just let someone know that you're thinking of them. I think my favorite part of the whole week too was when as a big extended family, we all were going around the room and sharing our favorite memories with Papa. I think that is probably one of my favorite memories as a family ever. It just was so much fun and to relive those old times.

SPEAKER_00 13:09

That was so, so special. Yeah. Also, this just totally pulled at my heartstrings. But dad being self-taught on guitar years ago, the fact that dad got the opportunity to play for him one last time. He played the old rugged cross, which was one of Papa's favorites.

SPEAKER_01 13:26

That was so special when he played for the entire family at the funeral home.

SPEAKER_00 13:30

That was such a special thing between him and Papa. Brings me to my next point of honoring the person you loved in any unique way that you shared with them. You know what I mean? It really is up to personal interpretation how you want to do that. And it doesn't have to be public, it could be behind closed doors, but you really still can honor those that you love even after they're gone.

SPEAKER_01 13:50

And the best way to keep their spirit alive is to talk about them and do those things that you love to do together and just remember all the times that you had because they're always with you. That's such a good point, sister, because you really should still keep them in conversation. Their legacy does live on. And if you never talk about them, never honor them with activities that you both love, you know.

SPEAKER_00 14:13

That's how a legacy ends up disappearing. Disappearing. As the living, you know, it's our duty to keep their spirit alive, keep their traditions alive.

SPEAKER_01 14:21

I always do love the saying, too, that life is for the living because it definitely is. But you incorporate the memories from those past loved ones too. And I think that makes your life all the more full.

SPEAKER_00 14:32

Funerals, as sad as they are, it is a celebration of every life that that person touched. One of Gigi's favorite quotes is for every time there is a season. And I think looking back at those old pictures and thinking of those old lake memories and all of that, it's like those had their time.

SPEAKER_01 14:48

We had so many friends and just extended family reach out who couldn't be there, and that just means the world.

SPEAKER_00 14:54

Some people choose to be surrounded by family, surrounded by those old memories, all of that. Other people, you know, they choose to not put themselves in that position because it can be so emotional. And I do understand both perspectives. For us, because we grew up with such a close family, being around everyone and talking about Papa's legacy, it was really special. And it's a week that I feel like both of us will always remember.

SPEAKER_01 15:15

Yeah, as sad as the circumstances were, it just felt so memorable. I really do think we'll take those memories with us for the rest of our lives.

SPEAKER_00 15:24

There's some times where I feel like you're in the moment and you can tell you're making a very important memory in that moment, and that's what it felt like. You never know when it's your time. You really don't. And we have so many people that are really our age who are dealing with major, major loss.

SPEAKER_01 15:41

Major loss. I think it's been a really great reminder to us that grief doesn't just go away, and you do need to be there for your friends and family that have lost loved ones. Yes. Because it really is a journey and it ebbs and flows, and it just will never fully go away.

SPEAKER_00 15:59

If I compare it to breaking my leg, I grieve my old leg, my life before this was ever an issue with plates and screws and wheelchair service at the airport and things like that. And that's totally normal. I acknowledge that, you know, I'm grieving that past life, but also recognizing that you will find a new normal. I think that loss is the same way. It's never fully gonna feel the way it did before. It can't. It can't, it physically cannot, but you learn to adapt and life goes on, and you know, you can still honor those parts of your past by remembering them and talking about them.

SPEAKER_01 16:36

And living your life to the fullest. It may take some time to get to that point. For sure. You know, some losses truly are debilitating. And everyone's on a different timeline.

SPEAKER_00 16:46

I think the biggest thing you can do is check on your friends who are going through that. Check on your family members, your friends who you know are carrying that weight around with them. I think a simple text goes a long way.

SPEAKER_01 16:58

And your support system really can get you through the hardest of times, which is why it's so important to pour into your friends and family when you can. So that when you need them for support, that they're there for you in the same way you were there for them.

SPEAKER_00 17:10

A type of loss that's really close to our heart too is pet loss. Yeah. I feel like now as adults and having two dogs and us having such a close bond with them, when I see the news that someone has lost a pet, it feels like a punch in the gut.

SPEAKER_01 17:25

Yeah, it breaks my heart. I think losing a pet in some cases can be as traumatic as losing a family member. They are a family member. We feel for our friends who've lost a pet that they've loved so much. Now that we have the two dogs and we have to care for all their needs day in and day out, an unbelievable loss.

SPEAKER_00 17:43

And it just goes back to the fact that it won't ever fully go away. You just learn to live with it and you learn to acknowledge it. And it's literally part of the human experience is feeling that level of pain in your heart and in your soul, and you know, the pain being a reminder of how much love was shared and how much love was there.

SPEAKER_01 18:02

Some people choose to get a pet right away and fill that void and just get another furry loving member of their family, and others are like, I can never have another cat again. It does all just depend on the person and how you grieve.

SPEAKER_00 18:17

I do think too that animals can be medicine. I'm for an animal filling the void because I do think that it really does help. I think back to how much the dogs helped me during my recovery, they just make every day brighter.

SPEAKER_01 18:29

And we're firm believers in the Rainbow Bridge. So I definitely think that all of our loved ones who have fur will meet us on the other side. As difficult as grief can be to manage, it is a testament to how much you loved someone or something. And I think that's an important part of life because it makes life so rich when you've loved something enough to grieve it when it's gone. A really great resource that we've loved is the book signs: The Secret Language of the Universe by Lorelyn Jackson. We can link that in the description. It's just a book we really enjoyed about your loved one sending signs from the other side.

SPEAKER_00 19:03

And again, back to what we said in the beginning about opening your heart and mind to receive those signs and also ask for those signs. You can also ask your loved ones who have passed for a sign. You can decide what you want it to be, but keep an open dialogue with that loved one. Just because they have passed doesn't mean they're not still protecting you and around and keeping them in your heart and keeping them on your mind. Keeps them close by.

SPEAKER_01 19:26

And if you don't think you've received a sign, don't be discouraged. You probably just missed it. So take this time to just be in the moment and be open to receiving signs from a loved one. I think it's really easy to miss.

SPEAKER_00 19:38

And thank you to everyone who has reached out to us in the past week. It seriously means so much. And I just left Ohio with my heart so, so full.

SPEAKER_01 19:47

And yeah, me too. I think it's a really great reminder, too, that nothing is more important than time. Your memories are what live with you forever.

SPEAKER_00 19:55

The amount of lives that you touch and how you touch those lives around you is your legacy. True. Always keeping it in the back of your mind. What am I spreading? What is my legacy?

SPEAKER_01 20:05

What is my legacy? Is it a positive one or is it not?

SPEAKER_00 20:09

I hope it is a positive. It's so important to show up for the people you love and care about. Intentionally. To give back, you know, and just to be a positive light in this world. The world needs more positivity. We need good people. Moments like this just remind me of that.

SPEAKER_01 20:24

At the end of the day, we're all here for a short amount of time, and it's the legacy you leave behind that matters and that people will remember. And how you choose to spend that time. Being true to yourself, no matter what that looks like. Yes, is so special. Authentic living.

SPEAKER_00 20:38

I truly think that Papa lived authentically. He did what he loved, he gave back to his community, and he raised five amazing, successful kids. You know, we are all a product of his legacy and legacy. And I think that's so special to think about what your own legacy means to you and to others.

SPEAKER_01 20:57

And what you want it to be, because it's never too late, you know, it's never too late to turn the ship around, but just living each day intentionally is so important. And this has been such a great reminder of that.

SPEAKER_00 21:08

It really has been.

SPEAKER_01 21:09

This has just been a topic, social lights, that has really been on our heart and mind. And so we just really wanted to sit down and talk about this with you all. We know a lot of you out there are experiencing grief just like we are.

SPEAKER_00 21:20

Our hearts really go out to you. Give yourself grace, talk to your loved one on the other side, and just continue to live your life in their honor.

SPEAKER_01 21:29

Heavy topics, but a conversation worth having and it's worth thinking about. Are you proud of the person that you are? Yes.

SPEAKER_00 21:36

You know, what strides can you take to answer that with a yes? But you can honor your loved ones through just so many ways.

SPEAKER_01 21:44

We're planning on honoring Papa with a Monopoly game here at the house. That was his favorite board game. So just something as simple as that.

SPEAKER_00 21:56

He loved a Pepsi. When remembering a loved one, too. It doesn't always have To be like a hushed tone. Sad.

SPEAKER_01 22:03

They should be celebrated. They really should. We'll be celebrating Papa. We definitely are going to a Dodgers game for him. He loved the Dodgers. Yeah. So just thinking of ways too, just to honor that person's memory. We're thinking of you socialites that are experiencing grief. There's obviously so many different kinds.

SPEAKER_00 22:19

I think too, I had a moment where we were touching down in LA, looking at all the lights, and I'm like, I cannot believe our life is what it is. Like we intentionally have made efforts to remain close, to follow our dreams. And you know, your dreams can always change. Keep raising the bar and growing and evolving.

SPEAKER_01 22:40

It's about what's being true to you in that season of your life.

SPEAKER_00 22:43

So I just had this moment where we were touching down in LA and I was just like overwhelmed with just gratitude of our childhood, our parents, our family taking a minute to pause and reflect for everything you do have to be thankful for in the midst of grief is important too.

SPEAKER_01 22:59

Yeah, because grief can feel overwhelming. And so it's hard sometimes to find those bright spots, but I think that the way through grief is with gratitude.

SPEAKER_00 23:08

And with that, I think that's all we have time for today. Social Lights.

SPEAKER_01 23:11

Thank you so much, Social Lights. We hope that this topic resonated with you.

SPEAKER_00 23:15

We are going to sprinkle in these sort of generalized topics throughout the podcast because I do feel like I like universal topics that apply to literally everyone.

SPEAKER_01 23:25

Yeah, me too.

SPEAKER_00 23:26

Along with our pop culture format, which we love, but we'll kind of sprinkle these throughout.

SPEAKER_01 23:31

It'll be a good mix.

SPEAKER_00 23:32

Yeah. And we definitely want our socialites to get something out of every episode. We hope that this one spoke to you and resonated if you needed to hear it.

SPEAKER_01 23:43

We'll see you next week, social lights. Thanks for tuning in. Bye.

unknown 23:48

Good thing.

SPEAKER_00 23:52

You're listening to Sisters on the Scene podcast with Bad Mad and Hollywood Hill.