Episode 4: Motherhood Then vs Now… Over Margaritas 😂 🍸

In today’s episode, we’re having some fun… sitting down with margaritas on a Monday and having some fun. 🍸

We kick things off with one of Jenni’s signature gratitude timestamps—because whether it’s a big milestone or a simple moment like this, there’s always something to appreciate.

Then we dive into what so many of you have been asking for…

👉 the real differences between motherhood then vs. now.

From parenting styles to mom guilt to the things that would definitely get judged today we’re unpacking it all with lots of laughs along the way.

😂 What We Talk About

• The things moms today do that make previous generations say… “wait, what?”
• Why “gentle parenting” wasn’t exactly a thing back then
• The parenting choices that somehow worked… even if they wouldn’t fly today
• The story of why Jenni was once put on a leash as a toddler (yes, really 😂)
• Growing up with ADD and how parenting approaches have evolved
• Why mom guilt feels so different today compared to the 90s
• The reality of working moms, daycare, and how life used to look
• Why you don’t have to fix everything for your kids
• The importance of letting kids figure things out on their own

🍸 Haute Mama Q&A

We also answer some of your questions, including:

• Who actually choreographs our dance routines
• Advice from mom that felt silly then—but means so much now
• How we’ve maintained such a close relationship over the years

🎟️ Upcoming Events

We have some really exciting things coming up and we’d love for you to be a part of them:

✨ Haute Mama Collective Luncheon – Friday, April 17 (here is the link for tickets—> https://theschoolofstyling.thrivecart.com/haute-mama-collective-brunch/) 

✨ Rooted in Motherhood Retreat – Monday, April 27 (here is the link for tickets —> https://theschoolofstyling.com/motherhood-conf)

✨ Birds & Bees Presentation with Mary Flo Ridley – Wednesday, May 6 (DM me on IG at @heyhautemamapodcast for tickets) 

We actually just recorded a podcast episode with Mary Flo that goes live right after this one, so you can hear more about what to expect. This event is for everyone from moms and dads to grandparents and caregivers because these conversations matter for all of us.

💛 Final Thoughts

Even though parenting looks different today than it did 30 years ago, one thing hasn’t changed:

👉 Moms just want their kids to be happy and healthy.

If you loved this episode, don’t forget to follow the podcast and share it with a fellow mama who would enjoy a good laugh (and maybe a margarita too 😉).

And as always…

✨ Keep finding joy in the little moments and showing up as the Haute Mama you truly are.

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Welcome to the Hey Hot Mama podcast. I'm your host, Jen Peralt of Hot Off the Rack and Hot Mama Collective.

SPEAKER_02 0:05

And I'm Liz Gridotti, but most people just know me as Jenny's mom. Did you do your homework, your gratitude homework? I did. And did you do your workout? And wait, well, wait. Let me clarify workout. You can't just go to the gym. Did you actually exert effort?

SPEAKER_03 0:21

I did. And I went to my Tuesday class. Shout out to my girls, Casey, Elena, Bridget, Courtney, and Becca.

SPEAKER_02 0:29

Girls, I'd like to thank you. That's the only way Jen's getting in there.

SPEAKER_03 0:33

Let me tell you why. Just one day. It's good. Again, I did a walk yesterday, but listen, the reason why we really have to thank them is because I show up literally right as the class is starting, and they set up the whole area for me. They put out my weights. They know I don't like them too heavy. They grab my bands. They put my step out. Listen, I'm just surprised you show up on time. So I do. I do. I every, well, not every single Tuesday, but almost every single Tuesday, I do this class. And in fact, I want you to come with me. Yes, I want you to come with me next Tuesday because I think you'd love it. It is, you know, it's really only supposed to be 30 minutes, but the new lady likes to go like 14 minutes over time. Yes. Don't give her beauty. She's the best. She's the best. Honestly, she looks like so much fun. Like she makes the class so much fun. I'd I'd love to go out with her one day. Oh, I think she'd be like, why not just go to another class? She would be reading. How about if you just go to another class that she's going to be able to do that? Or you know, I'm thinking margaritas, because actually that's what we have today. We've got ourselves some skinny margs. I made them fresh right before I came. And let's do a timestamp. Would you find you you've never done a timestamp with me? No. Okay. It's something I like to do to stamp it in my brain, right? So when I'm going through a rough time, I can go back to these timestamps of a really good time. So tell me what time it is, please. Check your phone. It is uh well. Check your phone.

SPEAKER_02 1:51

You're a little late. So if I'm checking my phone, it says 1218.

SPEAKER_03 1:55

It is 1218 on a Monday. We're drinking skinny margaritas, fresh skinny margaritas that I made. And skinny margaritas. I like that. And we're sitting here recording our fourth podcast.

SPEAKER_02 2:08

Yes, our fourth podcast. And I wrote in my journal for the first time.

SPEAKER_03 2:12

So let's hear what you wrote.

SPEAKER_02 2:14

Okay. And you said I could do it any way I wanted, so you cannot judge me on this. All right. So first I wrote good things that happened. And something good that happened was I took Beck and Brooks to see their great grandparents. And it was so much fun to watch Beck do a crossword puzzle with his great-grandmother. So that was a good thing that I enjoyed watching. Now I also put good things that I would like to see happen. I would like to see myself win at tennis tonight. And I would like to see Jenny fold and put away all of the clothes.

SPEAKER_03 2:45

That the the the clothes is probably not going to happen. I've just decided that I'm going to buy three laundry baskets and everybody's going to have their own designated laundry basket. And when it comes out of the dryer, I'm going to throw it in that laundry basket. Why not throw it folded in there? You can just pull it up and it's a waste. Have you seen what Brooks goes in there? I have.

SPEAKER_02 3:03

I have. Probably a teachable moment for him, but we'll do that on another podcast. And maybe in your therapy.

SPEAKER_03 3:08

In my therapy. We're so excited for today's episode because we're going to have a lot of fun in today's episode. Why? Because we have margaritas. Yes, that will help. And secondly, because we know what people want to hear more about, and that is our generational differences. And so let's let's unpack some things here. I've got a question for you. Okay. What is something that we do as parents today that you think is absolutely ridiculous?

unknown 3:35

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 3:36

I just have, I can only give one answer. Only one right now. All right, I'll try to condense it to one. I guess my question is when, when, when, when, when, and where? Where was I when things changed? And you now ask a child to do something rather than tell the child to do something. Uh, I was with Beck and Brooks taking them Saturday for you while you went out with your husband.

SPEAKER_03 4:02

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 4:03

And I was taking them to church. Well, we were going to go to the playground first, then to church, and then out to dinner with Lolo and Pop. So we drove to Baton Rouge. They did sleep on the way to Baton Rouge, and by the time we got to the parking lot, I had to go to the bathroom. So bad. But they were sleeping in the car.

SPEAKER_03 4:19

Okay. What did you do?

SPEAKER_02 4:21

Well, I let them finish. I let them wake up slowly. Once I saw them wake up, though, I hopped back there and I said, All right, Beck, we're putting our shoes on and we're going into the bathroom. And I started to put his shoes on and he starts crying. And I'm like, What? What? What's wrong? He goes, You didn't even ask me if you could put on my shoes. And I felt like I was having an outer body experience.

SPEAKER_03 4:44

Okay, but I love it because boundaries. He knows if he doesn't, if you want something happening to him and you didn't ask him. Not boundaries.

SPEAKER_02 4:54

These kids, these kids have taken a sip to that. These kids suck the life out of me. And yet I have to ask permission to put on the shoes so I can go to the bathroom. They contribute nothing to my well-being, but yet I have to ask permission of a five-year-old. No, Jenny. I think it's great.

SPEAKER_03 5:13

I, you know, I'm really glad that you told me that story. And while I can maybe see that you think it's completely ridiculous, I am proud of our generation for really breaking down these barriers and teaching our kids for ourselves to have these boundaries. And you know what? He didn't want you to put his shoes on him.

SPEAKER_02 5:34

Boundaries to me are choices like do you want a glass of water with or without ice? And then you let them choose that.

SPEAKER_03 5:40

He's five now, though. So that's at the age where he's like, wait a second, like you didn't say, can I put your shoes on?

SPEAKER_02 5:46

I had to go to the bathroom. That trumps a five-year-old's boundaries, okay? All right.

SPEAKER_03 5:51

So let's just say 62 years old. I don't know when that picture. Thank goodness we've got uh the vagina whisperer coming onto the podcast soon because she's gonna talk to us about going to the bathroom.

SPEAKER_02 6:04

We can merge a five-year-old asking and a 62-year-old who has to go to the bathroom.

SPEAKER_03 6:09

So back in your day, were was anyone discussing emotional regulation, gentle parenting, anything of that nature?

SPEAKER_02 6:19

Oh, let me think. No. Wait a minute. No. Um, the only thing is when I was coaching you as a cheerleader. Okay. I didn't want to be your coach and also have to tell you, you're doing this wrong, you're doing that wrong. As a parent, I also wanted to enjoy watching you as a sport and just encourage you. Yeah. So at that point, I probably, when I saw you doing something wrong, I probably went over to the other coach and said, please go over there and tell Jenny to get her arm straight. And if you don't, you will rip it off. Or something. So that was gentle.

SPEAKER_03 6:51

Yeah. Gentle. Something like that. I told you before, I think that you were slightly gentle. And you know what's really funny? I watched this video the other day that this girl was like, stop beating yourself up about losing it in front of your kids or losing it on your kids, because you want to do it just enough to make them funny, right? And when I say make them funny, meaning like you give them just the right amount of emotional trauma to where it's funny. And I don't mean emotional trauma where you're hurting them. I mean like, you know, sometimes you yell or sometimes all yell at the boys, and then they're going upstairs laughing their asses off, making fun of me. Yeah. And I'm like, that's actually really funny. I love I instead of bonding over that kind of bonding over, like, oh my gosh, did you see her freak out on you like that? I love it.

SPEAKER_02 7:38

And that's that's how it should be. Now, this emotional regulation, Jenny, I feel like, what does that even mean? I feel like your generation just like takes some words and puts them together and says, okay, now that it's gonna mean this. Uh emotional regulation.

SPEAKER_03 7:52

Emotional regulation. I I don't know if that's something that I'm really good at. Actually, I take that back. I think I am good at regul um emotional regulation. I don't know. I think I missed that in your childhood. No, no, no. I feel like this is tough for me because I'm a solutions person. And I think you're a solutions person too. And I feel like I think we just come to our solutions in different ways. Well, but I feel like when people come to me, they don't come to me as a shoulder to cry on. They come to me as a solutions person. So, you know, anytime a friend has a problem, I don't think that when they come to me, they're coming for me to just be like, oh yeah, like I validate everything that you say. That sucks. Like, and I'm not saying that their feelings aren't valid, but I'm like, I totally get where you're coming from. What are we gonna do about it? Yeah. And as far as wait, is that an emotional regulation? I don't know. Okay. See what I'm saying? We don't even know what we're talking about. See, I don't even know what emotional just put words. But I like this with a definition. Okay, I figured it out. I know what it is. Okay, I know what it is. So you know how toddlers don't have control over their emotions. They have big emotions. And so sometimes they need you to regulate that. When it's well, no, instead of you meeting them at their tantrum and and having a loud. Yeah, instead you're like, hey, hey, this is how you feel. Let's talk about this. Like, what's making you upset instead of just being like, hey, we don't cry, we don't whine, go sit in your room. It's like, or it's like, hey, do you need a minute? Let's let's take some deep breaths. We're regulating these emotions. Okay, see, I'm not that dumb. You know what? Well, all right. You pulled it together. I did pull it together. You pulled it together. I did pull it together. I appalled you. I apply it. And I don't know what you did with us. And speaking of, I mean, actually, I do know a little bit of what you did, but what is something you did as a parent that you are shocked we survived? Okay.

SPEAKER_02 9:50

Uh, I I I think I'm shocked that you survived or ADD. And by you surviving it, I mean surviving my decision that I made to handle your ADD. Because as parents, when we're dealt with difficult situations, we just have to come up with a solution of what we think is right for a child to thrive and then for their future well-being. So it's it's a lot. Well, it's a lot.

SPEAKER_01 10:20

Tell them how you found out that I had ADD. As a background, as a child, as a baby, you stopped taking naps at one year old.

SPEAKER_02 10:28

At two and a half, you got kicked out of your daycare that you were in. Yeah, I know. That was painful to go through that. Um, and then and then you you couldn't keep still, but I kind of thought it was normal. I thought I was bad parenting. Maybe you were. I will take some of the blame. I will take some of the blame. Well, you also have ADD. So this is an ADD person raising an ADD person. Do not diagnose me. You have it. Okay, but and so then by the time you got to third grade, poor Miss Jewel, God love her. She was an amazing teacher. But one day she pulled me aside and she just said, I would like for you to consider getting Jenny tested for ADD. Her desk is literally pulled up by mine all day long. She distracts the kids, she distracts me. And I I felt Miss Jewel's pain.

SPEAKER_03 11:17

I said, I get this day, honestly. So I did.

SPEAKER_02 11:21

But yes, at the time, at the time I was caught with my job, I was calling on psychiatrists. So I knew a really good child psychiatrist who specialized in ADD. So I said, All right, I'm going to take you there. Wait, hold on.

SPEAKER_03 11:33

Tell people what you mean when you say that you're calling on psychiatrists. Well, with my pharmaceutical job. Yeah. So you're a pharmaceutical sales rep. So you were selling medicine to these sex doctors.

SPEAKER_02 11:42

Yes. And he was one of the doctors that I called on. So I knew him well and I knew I could trust him to totally evaluate the situation. We made an appointment. We went in. He gave you a test on the computer. I remember that test. He also, yeah, remember what you said about it. We'll talk about that in a second. But then he also sat and talked to you and asked you about school. He asked you about friendships. He asked you how what you enjoy doing. And he also did the same with me. So he got the whole picture. And at the end of the evaluation, he sat us both down and he said, My conclusion is one, I think I know where she got it from. And he looked at me. And two, I would not medicate her because she has friends. She is well liked by people, maybe not her teachers, but most of her friends, she is well liked, and she is not struggling in school. She does well in school.

SPEAKER_03 12:36

Well, let's define struggling in school. I needed additional help, not additional time. I wasn't as fortunate as some of the other students who did get additional time on their tests and things like that. And you know why? Because you wouldn't let me have any of that. You told my teachers you're like, nope, she doesn't get any extra help. And I did get a tutor. We had we had some extra resources to help me. And it also meant that you had to help me study a little bit more. Like we couldn't just trust that I was gonna do it on my own.

SPEAKER_02 13:07

I did not think I was gonna, I don't, I still don't think I survived your ADD. So if you want to know who survived in childhood, I don't think it was me. I think I'm still traumatized. But let me have a sip of my margarita. Have a sip of your margarita. I need it. I need to do it. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 13:20

Oh my god, what's happening?

SPEAKER_02 13:22

My microphone, my microphone's attacking me. Hang on. I think it wants some margarita too.

SPEAKER_03 13:27

Okay, I don't know if you were you were you finished with that? Because I have something.

SPEAKER_02 13:31

Okay. And the only other thing I wanted to say is I did go back to the school and I said, okay, here's the situation. Here's where we are. They don't want to medicate her. However, I am all in. Let's work together on this. I will do my part um trying to help her find her way and be less distracting to everybody. And let's work together on this.

SPEAKER_03 13:52

I want to say that I feel like our generation would be really proud of that decision. That's why I say I feel like you had a little bit of a little bit of gentle parenting in you because you didn't just want to. What society said society said medicine is the only way. And by the way, please know from both of us that neither of us are saying that medicine is that. She consulted a doctor, he gave her the advice saying that he felt confident in me not taking medicine. And you study medicine, right? And now, speaking from an adult perspective, going my whole life without taking any medicine for ADD, I feel like it's a strength of the mind. It's a strength. There's a bit of a weakness. There's a bit of a weakness, but it's a strong times your weaknesses can also be your strength. Absolutely. Yeah. And it gave me, you know what's really funny? Did you ever watch the movie Superstar with Will Farrell? Yeah. And okay, do you remember when the grandma comes in and the counselor is saying that she needs to be on Ritalin? And she's like, by golly, if God gave her extra energy, I'm not gonna be the one to take it away from her. And I'm like, you know what? I agree with that. Why would we take away this extra energy? Do they need to channel their energy into something good? For sure. But I feel like I can do that. And I I've learned how to do it better over the years, but all of this extra energy has allowed me to do so many things that would prevent other people from doing more. I'm definitely I am okay with our decision to not medicate me. Toast drink margaritas. Mm-hmm. I think that our generation moms might like you. But also too, but no, I know, but listen, let's just say this moms who do have your kids on medication, we totally understand. There are different circumstances for every child, and some children need that support. And it's always important to go consult a doctor or multiple doctors and knowing what's best for you and your kid. You're you're the mom, you know what's best for your kid. We are not telling you what's best. That worked for us. The doctor uh he well evaluated me. He didn't just say, like, oh, don't give her medicine. We don't think anything is wrong with medicine. We're just saying this worked for us because that's she sells medicine, right? So we just want you to know that because we don't want anyone to feel judged because you are the mom. You know what's best for your kids.

SPEAKER_01 16:37

Parents have to make these difficult decisions. Yeah. How is my what is the best decision for my child to thrive and then to set them up for success? I'm glad that I think you made a good decision. The jury's still out.

SPEAKER_02 16:49

All right. But I and I also then on Kate worried about her survival because she Kate's my younger sister. Kate is the younger sister, and she didn't weigh anything. Uh in fact, I don't even think she was on the chore. She was negative on the chore in her weight category. And then when she was about five or six, she decided that she was only gonna eat ramen meals and animals, those little yogurt drinks.

SPEAKER_03 17:14

And this goes against Ed the thing that you stand for, because y'all, the ah, she almost didn't even want to talk about this on the episode because she feels like it's exposing her. Because nutrition is so important to her. She is a dietitian.

SPEAKER_01 17:27

So for her kid to not eat anything, we had to obey Kate's eat. But there's another aspect to that. You also don't want to make eating a big deal. You don't want to shame them. You don't want to shame them, but you don't want to blow this up.

SPEAKER_02 17:42

You don't want to make it a big deal. You want to just kind of go with it and do little things where you can. With Kate, when she decided uh she wanted ramen noodles, I snuck in, I cooked an egg and snuck an egg in there and and carrots in there, and she just kind of thought that's what ramen noodles looked like, you know. And then uh and then the devils were good at it added some yogurt, and and she would eat turkey. And so everything I bet her, I said it was turkey. And I require does everything eat turkey. So you just kind of worked with what you had, and and last, last thing that I I hope y'all survived. I don't know if y'all survived it, but Beverly Hills 9021. That was my show, and I love to watch it.

SPEAKER_01 18:24

As you started to get older, I kind of wondered about the content because you would watch TV with me. We didn't have buttons you're so anti-sreet. I see. I used we didn't have the advantage of Netflix or this or that where you could watch it later.

SPEAKER_02 18:39

You had to watch at 7 o'clock when it came on. And those were my friends, those were my people. I was in high school with them. Um, but now the content, I look at the content now on 90210, and I think Miss Rachel says that on her show now.

SPEAKER_03 18:56

Miss Rachel?

SPEAKER_01 18:56

Yes, Miss Rachel.

SPEAKER_03 18:58

I love Miss Rachel. Oh my gosh. I love her. I do. And when I say I love Miss Rachel, I mean that like I don't know everything about Miss Rachel, but the show that she had, and I feel like that's what taught Brooks how to say so many things. You know, he loved Miss Rachel. Wait, going back to Kate not eating, I I have to make sure that people know now that Kate is a great eater. She'll try anything now, and she loves to cook. She's not picky whatsoever. So I think that it's important to mention for moms that it's okay to sometimes survival mode, it means that your kids have to eat the chicken nuggets and mac and cheese every night, and then one day they'll broaden their palate. But it's not the end of the world. No, it's not. We know or we have to hope that one day they're gonna eat more. But you're right, we don't want to shame them or make it a big deal. If they're eating, they're eating. I just let it go and see how it works out. I will say you did make a big deal of certain things too. Well because I probably should. I don't know if remember if we mentioned this in any other episodes, but the Oreos, whenever anytime we had Oreos at the house, portion control at the top of the pantry, and I was only allowed to have two Oreos at once. That was a serving the serving size.

SPEAKER_02 20:24

That is a survey, just like your cup of ice cream. You got a half a cup of ice. That is a serving.

SPEAKER_03 20:29

Portion control, you're welcome. Okay. Well, speaking of uh portion control and Oreos and being judged about that. What is something you did as a parent when I was a kid that you know you would totally get judged for today? And and I will not judge you for the past because that was the past.

SPEAKER_02 20:48

Could I start off with an apology?

SPEAKER_03 20:50

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 20:50

Okay, because I feel like okay, because I feel like nowadays everybody apologizes and it's okay. So apologize. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 20:58

Apology. That's my apology. Yeah, I don't really remember this happening. So you don't have to apologize to me. Maybe apologize to society. No.

SPEAKER_02 21:06

And I honestly, if people had a genny, they would not judge me. They would understand. Here, here, here, here, here's what happened. Uh, I put Ginny on a leash. And here is why. We went back to California, we lived in California. My family lived in Baton Rouge. We came back by the time you were three, you had flown nine times. We came back three times a year. Can you imagine taking a top from by yourself? I wouldn't. Carrying luggage, doing layovers. We flew to Dallas. We had a layover there. Then we had to catch our flight. I had to go to the bathroom at some point. And change your diaper. Joking. And change your diaper. And then catch our flight and get you on the airplane. And then deal with the people that had to sit next to you. Okay, let me let me not relive that trauma. I'm very sorry. So, yes. Uh, you had no boundaries in that airport and you would just take off running, which is very scary to a parent filled with rushing people in a full airport and having to catch a flight. So, yes, I put a leash on you. The first time I put the leash on you, you pulled it as far as you could go, you ripped it off and ran. And when I found you, you were underneath a chair eating like a Cheerio or something. So I leashed you back up and wrapped it a few times. And how did you do this for?

SPEAKER_03 22:27

How long was I on this leash for?

SPEAKER_02 22:29

Until we got to our next one.

SPEAKER_03 22:31

I mean, like, how many times did you leash me up as a toddler? No. Guys, she's really exposing herself here. We could try canceled from this episode. I tried. And you know what? Anyone who's listening, she is she is being very vulnerable with you and putting her heart out there. So if you try and cancel her, that's really rude. She is telling you that she knows this was wrong. At the same time, no, I don't know what's wrong.

SPEAKER_02 22:55

Jenny, it was the right thing. What did you want to do? You would you would have been on another flight going to Island.

SPEAKER_03 23:02

Yes. You would have been with another person. You wanted me on the leash because you just didn't want to lose me. Exactly. And you knew that nobody else could be shoes. In fact, you know what? There was a time, there was a phase of my life. I'm gonna have to have another that there was a phase of my life that I was really terrified of getting kidnapped. But my mom convinced me that one kidnapped was gonna send me back. He was gonna send me.

SPEAKER_02 23:24

He was gonna pay. He was going to pay me to he was gonna send you with money. Please, please, please, please. Don't ever let this happen again. No, you were never in danger. Uh yes, you thought you were a few times, and I was like, uh no, sweetie. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:40

Do you feel any I have to have you because you're my child. Do you feel any guilt about the leash? Do you feel I everyone's watching you right now? Do you feel any guilt? No. Okay, fine. Would you let me put my kids on a leash now? If it it yeah, sure. If it made me keeping them safe.

SPEAKER_02 23:59

What's wrong with the leash? What is wrong with the leash?

SPEAKER_03 24:01

You know what?

SPEAKER_02 24:02

I think that cancel culture is over and things. I would love some feedback on this. I would love this. I would love some feeling. They're coming from you. I'm thinking I'm gonna get support. I don't think you are. I'm feeling secure right now. Jimmy, would you leash up your kids? Oh we have a thought. But we didn't have a thought. You don't know.

SPEAKER_03 24:23

He said he thought about it. Here's your chance to take it back. Now knowing you can say what happens if I don't take it back? I can't nobody's gonna like you again.

SPEAKER_02 24:32

But if you want to Okay, I would like time on this. Let's do time. Let's hear some feedback. Let's hear some feedback. All the feedback is gonna be. I don't think so.

SPEAKER_03 24:40

We're not listening to that Hey Hot Mama podcast anymore because she she traumatized. Gee, are you on a leash? You know, I will say I am here today. So maybe the leash did work. You're here today. Because she did say that I would just run away. You would. And my kids don't run away. So I don't need to leash them. Right. And you know what? Maybe that's because our kids like us more. We are we are emotionally regulating them, and so they don't feel the need to run away from us. There you go. All right. Good to know in my next life. Well, do I and this is this brings me to my next question because do you think that moms of the 90s feel as much guilt as moms do today?

SPEAKER_02 25:21

Oh, I definitely thought moms in the 90s, my generation, felt more guilt. And and here's why I think that. I think our mothers were not working. They were staying home with us and we were not in daycare. And now we are putting our kids in daycare. And that is why I feel like there's more guilt. I certainly felt bad about it. And I did everything to get my kids out as soon as I could. And then I certainly was not gonna put them back in daycare to go work out.

SPEAKER_03 25:51

But see, like I don't feel that way. And I look at it too. I like that you worked. I feel like it was inspiring to me that my mom had a job and worked. Not that there is anything wrong with being a stay-at-home mom. In fact, shout out to the stay-at-home mom. Can you upon being a stay-at-home mom? I think they do. I think they do. But I I I liked that you worked. And and look at me. I like crazy. Now, and okay, wait. So speaking of, so your mother, your mother was a stay-at-home mom. So you felt this guilt of like, oh, I feel so bad putting my kids in daycare because my mom didn't do that to us. But I look at it as my mom put us in daycare, school, whatever, so that she could go work and make a living. And I'm like, I want to do the same. Now my mom does will drive all across town to come pick up my kids early from aftercare because she judges me. She thinks that I'm a horrible mom for putting my kids in aftercare. And I'm like, okay, want me to work or not.

SPEAKER_02 26:53

I wish you would try a little harder at that. Interesting though, my mom was a stay-at-home mom, but yet she raised all of us to believe we needed to have a career. She wanted all of them. And you know what?

SPEAKER_03 27:05

She wanted one. She wanted one. Lolo did. She had big dreams. She did. Lolo had dreams.

SPEAKER_02 27:10

But her generation was one that's in the channel.

SPEAKER_03 27:12

In fact, when did Lola learn how to drive? How old was she when she learned how to drive? Do you remember that? Uh-uh. You don't remember that story about how she chased her dad down the driveway because she's like, please, I just want to learn. That I do believe she was the youngest of nine.

SPEAKER_02 27:27

But Jenny, I I I will say this.

SPEAKER_03 27:29

I thought she was the youngest of 11.

SPEAKER_02 27:31

No. Oh, that's my other grandmother. Maybe it's dad's mom. Yeah. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Um, but I will say this there's no right and there's no wrong. Stay-at-home mom is great and can work very well. And a working mom can also make it work too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:46

Um at the end of the day, we're all the moms who want the best for our kids.

SPEAKER_02 27:49

And sometimes that means working, and sometimes that means staying at home. The advantage that this generation has is that there's just more choices that are acceptable. And that's a great thing.

SPEAKER_03 27:58

Yeah. And I I mentioned this in the last episode about someone asked me what's something you did in your 30s that I would never do now. And it I said it was actually something you didn't do. And that was prioritize yourself. And and I don't mean health and fitness because she always prioritized that. I mean more so her social life. And do Kimmy, can you recall any times where you did prioritize your social life and you had fun? Ginny, do tell. Do tell.

SPEAKER_02 28:29

Of course, I had fun as as an adult with kids. I'll tell you. Uh Uncle Darren and I had a great time. Of course, we were with y'all. We had our kids together. Okay, you gotta take us out.

SPEAKER_03 28:40

Take us out of the equation. Okay. And I think that's great to do. I think it's great to be able to get with your friends and also have your kids get together too.

SPEAKER_02 28:48

But let me say this now that I'm playing tennis, and I didn't start that till I was 55 because time constraints. Yeah. I see young couples with young kids, and they will put the kids in daycare and they will go play tennis. Yeah. And and I look at them now and I say, I'm so glad you're doing that. I I I see it differently now. But back then, no, I had the guilt. And so it was like when I was not working, I was gonna be with my kids.

SPEAKER_03 29:17

Well then what's something uh for parents of our generation that you would tell them to stop worrying about? That you wish that they didn't feel like they needed to care about so much, or not care about so much, but uh but have so much pressure on them about something that that keeps them up at night or um and that is trying to fix all of your kids' problems.

SPEAKER_02 29:38

I think it's okay for your friend, for your daughter to have a fight with her friend, and you don't need to go and call their mom and see what they said and all that. Now you do have it a little bit differently because y'all have texting and cell phones and social media. So I think there's a little bit of something that you do need to monitor. I do think you need to monitor. There's a lot more to monitor.

SPEAKER_03 30:00

And you say not monitor, but you were all up in my business as a kid. Well you would hold up the phone and put mute on while I was on the phone in the other room and like listen to my conversation. So you were Okay, what's the difference between that and reading your text?

SPEAKER_02 30:13

It's I I monitored you like you're gonna monitor your kids. Same thing. Let's get back to the question that you asked me, though. Yeah. Um I and I also think that whenever a child does run into a roadblock, like let's say right now I am in the midst of cheerleader tryouts. So I'm experiencing a lot of kids not making a cheer team. And at that point, I don't think the parent needs uh to necessarily go into the school and talk about how the school was unfair, this was unfair. Um, I think that's a situation for a child to find out what they need to improve on and then fix that situation. Because I'm a coach. Right. And I'll give you a great example. I have this one girl right now, I'm so proud of her. I the ones that I ha impressed me the most are the ones that didn't make it, and they come back the next year and they say, I know what I did wrong and I want to fix it. And this one child, I'm so impressed with her. When she didn't make it, she came back and she said, I asked her, What what was the difference? How did you change? Because she had improved herself. And she said, I watched the people who were better than me and I saw that they practiced more. And I realized I had to work harder. Yeah. And then she did. Yeah, you had to make it. And I am so impressed with her today. So those are the kids that impressed me. I like that. Yes. Now do you remember you did not make cheerleader in 10th grade?

SPEAKER_03 31:35

Yeah, but do you remember what that was for? Because I had too many detentions. I do. I know.

SPEAKER_02 31:39

I wish they would have told you.

SPEAKER_03 31:40

And she didn't go and fix it for me. I did not. What did I say when you didn't make it? I don't remember.

SPEAKER_02 31:46

What did you say? I said, Well, try out again next year.

SPEAKER_03 31:50

Yeah. I just had too many. It's unfortunate. And I wish you too many attention.

SPEAKER_02 31:53

I knew how good you were. And then when you did it, when I did find out you had too many detentions, I was like, oh, yeah, I'm good with that. Like, checks out.

SPEAKER_03 32:00

Yeah. Next time don't do that. Whatever. You know, there was something that I didn't touch on whenever we were talking about guilt of moms in the 90s. And I was saying, Do you feel like they had as much guilt as we do today? But something that we have to deal with that you didn't is seeing all of the things that other moms are doing for their kids on social media because everybody posts about everything they do. So you see this thing. I think it's terrible. It's not terrible. Because you have to change your perspective. You have to, you have to remind yourself. So sometimes I'll see, you know, a mom going the extra mile and doing this for her kid, or she did some special birthday party, or she decorated the whole house when her kid woke up on her birthday. And you have to ask yourself why am I being, why am I hating on this right now? Is it because I feel like I'm not doing enough? Is it because I don't feel confident in myself as a mother? I feel like there's questions you should ask yourself before hating on another mom for her doing the most, you know? Even though there's that guilt. You know, I just mean like, why am I being a jealous skank right now? You know, is it because I didn't do as good of a job of celebrating my kid's birthday? And oh man, that's tough. Yeah, no, there's a lot of guilt there. There's a lot of guilt there just because we see what everybody else is doing.

SPEAKER_02 33:21

That is very true. Y'all have a different aspect, and I didn't think about that. But your guilt is in a different way. Yeah. And it's because it's pushed right out in front of you. Here's what all these people did. I mean, it's just like getting into high school or it's, you know, or or being a cheerleader or something like that. They put up all these signs outside. You know, I see what you're saying.

SPEAKER_03 33:41

I did not know what you were talking about just now. You mean like when uh somebody makes cheerleader and they put out all those like signs saying my kid made cheerleader, which is great. Even get into a high school or something. I know, it's fun. My mom's jealous because she didn't get any of that. That's why. That's why. And let's let's go ahead and get into our hot mama QA because these are the questions that our followers have asked us, our community and that have judged me and now canceled me because I put the leash on the other.

SPEAKER_02 34:11

They may not even be listening to this part of the episode because they're not. I understand they did not have a genny. They didn't have a genuine. They didn't.

SPEAKER_03 34:17

If they're not listening, they didn't, they didn't have a genny. They didn't. Here's the first question. Okay. It is, and I can answer this actually. It's which one of you choreographs all of the dance routines that you do on Instagram? Mama's got the moves. We are very lucky that both my shout out. Photographer and my an assistant that worked for me for about five years. Now we work together in a different capacity. She has her own business, and I contract her out to help me with content and to help me with graphics and stuff like that. They're the best. Well, and they put up with us. They do, and we have fun together. We're friends now. We're friends. And they are both dance choreographers. Yeah, I did luck down. I did luck out. Now there are times where we have to learn the dance ourselves and we struggle and we fight. And if you were in New York and saw us doing that dance together and me yelling at my mom for messing it up, she didn't. She did. Nah, you did. I was saying, like, they didn't. It's right. I got women in the same. It's fine. That is anyway. The answer to that is that we have been blessed with friends who help us. And then sometimes we do. And you know which one that we should be very proud of that we learned on our own was that Taylor Swift dance. We did. The one that went viral. Yeah, the one we practiced in the hotel. We practiced in the hotel workout room. That was your workout. Yes. What is, oh, what's some advice that your mom gave you when you were younger and you thought it was silly, but now you appreciate it as you're older. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:44

Um, that was, and it's gonna go back to a cheerleader example. Is this kind of sad that I'm 62 and everything? You still think you're a cheerleader? It's only because cheer is my life right now due to cheerleader tryouts and I'm coaching so many girls. But this actually did happen when I was in fifth grade, trying out for sixth grade cheerleader. I don't even know if my mother even knew I was trying out. But I tried out and I didn't make it. And when I came home from cheerleader tryouts, I remember going through the garage, opening the door, and mom was sitting at her sewing machine because she sewed all of our clothes. And she looked at me and she asked me if I made it, and I said, no, I didn't. And her response was, Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe you can try out again next year. But now it's time for dinner. Go set the table. I didn't think much of that advice. I went and sat the table because that's what she didn't ask me if I wanted to set no, please note. She did not ask me if I wanted to set the table. She said, go set the table. And I did. And I didn't realize it then. But as I got older and thought about that advice and thought about as I was doing different things in life, um, it is no matter what's going on, when you don't get something, when things don't turn out your way, you still need to continue doing the mundane, everyday thing. You need to continue with life, and then eventually things will get better, but you do not stop. You go set the table because it's time for dinner. Yeah. You have to get it.

SPEAKER_03 37:14

I feel like you've definitely kept that. And that's what I mean by people come to me for solutions because while I you heard in the last episode that I do like to recognize the problem. We recognize the problem, validate our feelings, and then to move forward. Shut up.

SPEAKER_02 37:30

Do you actually do you actually go, okay, now we're gonna recognize the problem? I do. I see.

SPEAKER_03 37:35

And then you say, now let's validate. I do, I do. In fact, I'll tell you a story in the next episode of something that happened to me. I haven't even told you yet. You will break it down. I will break it down of exactly how I processed everything. But yes, people come to me for solutions. I don't even think you've had therapy in between that. Have you had therapy? You know why I haven't had therapy?

SPEAKER_02 37:57

Oh my God, you did survive ADD. You didn't have therapy. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_03 38:01

I need a therapy. Because you know why? Because I like to think that I am actually You're above it. I'm no, not above therapy. Not above therapy, but above anything I can do to you. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I I use shopping as my therapy. Mm-hmm. You do it.

SPEAKER_02 38:21

It's just retail. Retail shopping.

SPEAKER_03 38:23

Retail shopping is so healing.

SPEAKER_02 38:24

Mine is probably working out therapy.

SPEAKER_03 38:26

Yeah, you work out, I buy shopping. Exercise therapy. Yeah. And yours is retail. So there is therapy involved. You thought you didn't like therapy. You do. I do. You do. But yes, you you've definitely lived by go set the table. Yes. Let's setting the table. Lilo really loves a set table too. And you set a beautiful table. I did. She I told you she loves a set table. This is our last question from our listeners. And it is how do you both manage healthy boundaries and such a wonderful close relationship? Your mama is a great role model for. Can we toast? Sure, we can toast to that. But let me just say that we don't have boundaries. Anybody who does goes to therapy and you don't believe in therapy. So here we are. No boundaries. And we do not have a perfect relationship. And anybody who's listening right now, we do have boundaries, we just step over the 100%. We keep moving the boundaries. We keep moving the boundaries.

unknown 39:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:28

We reposition the boundary. We do not have to. We reposition the boundary. I fit to fit whatever we need at the moment. Right. Is it probably important to have boundaries? Sure. But we haven't been to therapy to know what those boundaries are. We don't. There are some, there are a few things that I want to tell you before the episode ends because you like to tell me that I didn't tell you when an event was. If you like to make it up. Right. So I've got a list in front of me of all these events coming up of things that both our listeners can attend as well as you will be there. You will be there. On Friday, April 17th, we have my Hot Mama Collective. Oh, I love that. Annual Mother's Day luncheon. This is my fifth annual Mother's Day luncheon. It's so much fun. We have a great day. There's amazing giveaways. Great gift, great um VIP bags. VIP bags. And nearly $10,000 worth of giveaways. It's really good. I feel like everyone goes away with a prize. They do. And I'm going to have some great merch. I'll have my hot mama merch there. It's just such a great feeling, Jin. Well, because we haven't seen we give back to moms in need. We're sitting here talking about all the good stuff for us, but really it's because I created. So I started this nonprofit called Hot Mama Collective the year that Brooks was born. And it was because I went through such a challenging time with pregnancy and postpartum that I wanted to create a village for these other moms to have the same experience that I did. Because even though I had such a challenging time, I had all the resources and all the people that I needed. And I wanted to bring women together to be that village for other moms' needs. So that's what we do at these events.

SPEAKER_02 41:03

Yeah, I'm I'm probably my proudest mom moment.

SPEAKER_03 41:07

Really? I thought it was the prayers at night with the kids. Oh, that's a good one too. Yeah. Let's go tie. Tie. Tie, tie, tie. Monday, April 27th, we have our rooted in motherhood retreat, which is about friendship combat, combating, combating burnout and growing your village. Growing your village. And we're even gonna record a live podcast. So you will be there again. And we're gonna have expert Danielle Jackson. She is a friendship coach, and she's gonna be talking to us about all things friendship. And that doesn't mean because you don't have friends. No. It just means how are friends a game that changes? They do friendships change. So we're gonna talk about how don't I have a I love that. Dude, what's wrong with me? Is that Margarita may have a game? Oh my God.

SPEAKER_02 41:48

Never again will you marguerete on a Monday.

SPEAKER_03 41:52

On Margarita Monday. Wait, we have to get into our laptop. Okay, do you have something to say about it?

SPEAKER_02 41:56

No, no, no, no. But that is such a great topic because I think when as you get older, because you're so excited, invite your friends to come to the retreat.

SPEAKER_03 42:02

In fact, you know what? I'm sensing something. I feel like you should buy a ticket to the retreat to give away to one of our listeners. Do you want to do that? My mom loves to sponsor me. We can't. She loves to spend money. What?

SPEAKER_02 42:14

Can we like uh pigeonhole it for those that support me in the lease? Yes, please. Anyone who thinks it's okay that she put me on a leash, their names will go. Their names will be entered. Yes. Uh I'll do it. All right. I'll do it. I need support here from anybody who doesn't cancel is going to the retreat on her behalf. I'm thinking Jonah is no longer thinking about it, but I'm thinking he's actually has a plan. I think he's putting the plan.

SPEAKER_03 42:41

And then our last event, you're really gonna like this one. It is the birds and the bees are coming here to Covington on Wednesday, May 6th. We're gonna have Mary Flo Ridley and the women behind the Birds and the Bees are Mary Flow Ridley and Megan Michelson. And they're gonna be talking to us about how to talk to our kids about taboo topics. And when I say taboo topics, they don't want it to be considered taboo to our kids because our kids don't even see it that way. They don't.

SPEAKER_02 43:10

And if you don't get to them, if you don't get to your kid and somebody else will.

SPEAKER_03 43:16

Somebody else is gonna tell the kids. So they help guide parents through these conversations.

SPEAKER_02 43:20

Not only parents, Jen, grandparents.

SPEAKER_03 43:22

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 43:23

I think it's so important for grandparents because I got that question from Beck. So, and I and I thought I knew how to answer it. And I was like, What did you think? Well, I don't even remember.

SPEAKER_03 43:31

I'll we'll talk about later. We'll talk about that in another episode. He'll be answering how we survive that. Going right after this episode, we have the birds and the bees. I got to interview them on a podcast to tell people what they can look forward to at this presentation on Wednesday, May 6th here in Covington. I would love to hear that. And this is not just for moms, this is for dads, this is for grandparents because this is dads expect. We shouldn't only be left on the moms to have these types of conversations.

SPEAKER_02 43:58

We should be having these conversations with. Their daughters and their sons. A dad is so influential. So very, very important. Yeah. Bring the whole family. Yeah. Well, I think from this lep l lepisode. Okay, that's it.

SPEAKER_03 44:10

That's it. We're Margarita. We're not. You are light. You are light. We're yo. I mean, Mom, people are gonna people are gonna think, why do these women have microphones talking to us right now when they're sitting here talking about kids all leash? Margaritas. Oh, okay, guys, we are not bad people. Take back the leash right now. Here's your chance to say. And you can dump the biggest. Because we're doing the raffle. No.

SPEAKER_02 44:38

No, I'm staying. I'm gonna, I'm wish, I'm I'm I'm determined. Now you're determined.

SPEAKER_03 44:43

Listen, we might be canceled after this episode, but I want to say to everyone that I think that even between our generational differences, what we've learned today is at the end of the day, the thing we care about most is happy and healthy children. That's all we want. We're all trying to achieve that.

SPEAKER_02 45:00

We might go we might go at it different ways. And we don't have a manual. I didn't have a manual that came with me on a leash.

SPEAKER_03 45:08

That was specific for you. No, and all the things are different. So any advice that anyone gives you might not work for your kid anyway. But it's worth opening yourself up to and listening to. Yeah. I think what we've learned from today is that we should not drink margaritas. Yo, we only had one margarita. Don't even judge. We're lightweight. We don't even drink. Okay. All right. So let's just thank them for staying with us. Well, let's please toast. Come back for another episode. The next episode is about the birds and the bees. I hope that they are still our friends after hearing this. In fact, just for them, do you want to take back the leash yet? I'm giving you so many chances. I can't do it. All right, fine. We're locked in. Well, thanks for hanging out with us today. We hope that it's not the last time. And please remember that most of the joy you experience in life is often the joy that you choose to see. So get out there, soak up all those moments, and keep showing up as the hot mama you truly are. Leash or not. Leash or not.