The Routine That's Helping Me Do It All (Without Doing It All)

Do you ever feel like everyone expects you to do it all?

As a mom, wife, entrepreneur, volunteer, and human being, I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to balance all the things without constantly feeling behind.

In this episode, I'm sharing the routines, mindset shifts, and lessons that are helping me navigate a full life without trying to be everything to everyone.

We'll talk about why motivation isn't enough, how routines create freedom, the myth of perfect balance, and why giving every area of your life equal attention isn't always the goal.

If you've been feeling stretched thin, overwhelmed, or wondering how to juggle all your responsibilities while still enjoying your life, this conversation is for you.

Because maybe the goal isn't doing it all.

Maybe it's knowing what matters most right now.

If this episode resonated with you, make sure to follow Still Becoming so you don’t miss future conversations about faith, healing, motherhood, and becoming the woman God created you to be.

You can also connect with me on Instagram where I share more about faith, real life, and the process of still becoming.

Thanks for being here.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Hey friend, welcome. I'm really glad you're here. This podcast is for the women who know they're not who they used to be, but also know God isn't finished with them yet. A few years ago, my life looked very different, and since then, God has been slowly and sometimes painfully shaping me into someone new. So here we're talking about faith, growth, feeling, motherhood, purpose, and what it looks like to keep becoming the woman God created you to be. So grab your coffee, go for your walk, fold that laundry, and let's grow together. Okay. One of the questions I get asked a lot is, how do you do it all? And to know me is to know that I have a lot of little things going on all the time. And every time someone asks me that, I want to look around and see if they're talking to somebody else because the truth is I don't do it all. I'm a wife, a mom, a realtor, I volunteer, I'm a friend, I'm a Christian, and I'm a podcast host. And just as of yesterday, I am a new little business owner, and it's called Northern Finds by Kate, but I'll give you guys details on that later. Some days I feel like I'm crushing it in one area and completely dropping the ball in another. And today I want to talk about routines, balance, and the lie that we're supposed to be great at everything all at once. For a long time I thought balance looked like having every area of my life perfectly organized. The house would be clean, the business would be thriving, dinner would be homemade, I'd be working out, my marriage would be thriving, I'd be volunteering, my son would be enriched and entertained, and somehow I'd have time to sit quietly and drink hot coffee by myself. Turns out that's not balance, it's a total fantasy. I think a lot of women are exhausted because we're chasing a version of balance that doesn't exist. We're trying to keep every plate spinning at the exact same speed as if we're in Beauty and the Beast, sitting in the kitchen hall by ourselves, and we have Lumiere who's like entertaining us, but the second one plate wobbles, we assume that we're failing. But here's what I've learned: real life has seasons. There are seasons where my business needs more attention, my family needs more attention, where my marriage needs more attention. And there are seasons where honestly I need more attention. Balance isn't giving everything equal attention. Balance is giving the right things attention at the right time. The thing that changed everything for me, honestly, it wasn't balance, it was through routine. And I know we've heard that word over and over and over, and I don't want to sound like a broken record, but I'm gonna share with you guys what my routine was, and hopefully it can help you. But the thing about routine is it's built in because motivation is unreliable. Some mornings I wake up motivated, and some mornings I wake up wondering if the current pajamas I'm wearing can count as business attire because I just don't even want to get dressed, I don't want to brush my hair, like I don't want to brush my teeth. And routine removes the need to negotiate with yourself every day. Because let's be honest, the moment you're negotiating with yourself first thing in the morning before you even get out of bed, you're already exhausted over the day. So, like, what are we doing? So for me, routines create less chaos. When do I work? When am I present with my family? When am I checking my phone? When am I not checking my phone? Because if you're an entrepreneur, work never really ends, right? There's always another email, another lead, another post I need to make, another thing that I could be doing, or an idea that pops into my head that I need to action right away. And if you aren't careful, your business will gladly consume every available minute you give it. One of the hardest things about being an entrepreneur is nobody tells you when to stop, right? It's like 24-7, your mind is on, and you're always thinking about how to grow your business. But at a regular job, somebody else decides when your shift ends, when you're self-employed. There's always one more thing. And I had to learn that just because I could work doesn't mean that I should work. So my family deserves like the best version of me, right? Not just what's left of me. And some days I'm totally mentally exhausted. And that one took me a while to learn. So let's talk about mom guilt for a second, because no matter what we're doing, we somehow feel guilty. And I know I'm not the only one. And I'm gonna say that again. No matter what we are doing, we somehow feel guilty. Working, I feel guilty. Taking time off, I feel guilty. Having a girl's night, I feel guilty. Working out, I'm feeling guilty. Taking a shower, I feel guilty. Sitting on the couch and drinking my coffee, I feel guilty. It's like motherhood comes with a free subscription to guilt that we never signed up for. And honestly, I'm trying to cancel mine. Where do I hit the cancel subscription button? Because I can't find it. I don't think being a good mom means constantly sacrificing yourself. I think being a good mom means showing your kids what a healthy life looks like. And for me, that means letting my son know, like, I am going to be on the phone, you need to entertain yourself. I'm just answering a work text right now. I am here with you, but I'm doing XYZ for me. You color your picture, I'm gonna color my picture. Or you can eat that, I'm gonna eat this. Or it's okay to also say, like, no, I'm sorry, this makeup is for me. You can have your own play makeup. And yes, my boy loves to dress up like a tiger or a lion with makeup. And it's showing them what that a healthy life looks like, or saying no. And honestly, if he's invited to a birthday party and I don't want to go, I'm not even telling him about it. Life balance. And then there's marriage. The funny thing is when life gets busy, we often give our spouse whatever energy is left over. And admittedly, for me, it's been hardly any. Everybody else gets the best version of us. The patient version, the productive version, the cheerful version. And as I'm saying those versions of me, I'm like thinking of what I'm doing. So the patient version of it. My son gets the most patient version of me always. The productive version, my business gets the productive version of me. My side hustles get the productive version of me. And the cheerful version, I volunteer at my church. I go to church. Those people get the cheerful version of me. I go to Bible study once a week. My friends get the cheerful version of me. And our spouse gets exhausted of me. It's the end of the day, I'm exhausted. And honestly, he pointed it out that I have all this time and energy for all of these people and all of this stuff, and I don't have any for him. And that was a really hard one to hear. But I don't think any of us mean to do that. It just happens, right? Which is why I realized that good excuse me, good marriages don't happen accidentally. They're intentional and they take work, just like a business and just like parenting. You have to invest in them, and your marriage has to be one of those. You cannot let your husband just be a lump on the log on the other side of the couch while you're laying there exhausted. And full disclosure, that is me at the end of pretty much every single night. So, one thing I've also noticed is that when my life feels most out of balance is usually because I'm trying to carry everything myself. And that's where faith becomes really important for me. Not because faith magically creates more hours in the day, wouldn't that be amazing? But it reminds me that I wasn't designed to carry everything perfectly. God never asked me to be everything to everyone. He asked me to be faithful with what he's given me today. That feels a lot lighter. So when I wake up in the morning, it's like, God, please be with me today and give me everything that I need to handle what is coming my way. So what am I learning? I'm learning that balance isn't a destination, it's a constant adjustment. Some weeks my business gets more of me, some weeks my family gets more of me, some weeks I need rest. And I said weeks, but honestly, it's day to day. It's day to day. And that doesn't mean that I'm failing. It means I'm living a real life. So ultimately, that routine that saved me was waking up early, at least an hour before the rest of the household, being intentional. Okay, I'm gonna go downstairs, I'm gonna make myself a special tea or coffee, whatever it is, and I'm going to do my Bible study. I'm gonna pick my spot where I'm gonna sit. It's a beautiful morning. I'm gonna sit on the front porch, or I'm gonna sit in the back, or I'm just gonna sit on the couch. I already know what my morning is gonna look like every single morning. And when I'm off balance, the one thing that falls is my morning. My morning routine gets left at the curbside. And once my morning routine gets left to the curbside, so does my faith because I'm not in my Bible every single morning. And so does my patients in the morning because I haven't had that hour to like wake up and get myself together. And then my day starts. I know that some days I'm coming into the office, so I need to get ready, and my husband's gonna take care of getting my son ready for school. Some mornings I'm just taking care of my son. I know that in the routine when my husband drives my son to school, as soon as he leaves, I'm cleaning the kitchen. Every part of the day is in a routine. I know that when we eat supper, I'm not checking my phone. I know that I'm with when I'm with my son in the same room, I'm not checking my phone. Unless I have a pressing work thing and it's like an offer is due, or I'm answering a text that has to do with an offer, I will let him know this is work that I'm doing right now. I'm here with you, I'm listening to you, I need five minutes, and I'll be right there beside you. And then in the evenings, it's family time with my son. And you know, we give our children their routines right after school. It's very predictable what's gonna happen. Well, for my son, anyways, we need to do that for ourselves. And that's how we're gonna get balance. So when my husband brought up, like, hey, everybody else gets the best version of you, and I get like lump on the log Kate, like what's happening here? Well, now we need to build some type of routine that fixes that. Have we done that yet? No, we just talked about it like a week or two ago. So, mental note, I gotta work on that routine, but I'm gonna talk to him first and say, what does that look like for us? Does that mean that right after we put our son to bed, maybe we do a little workout together? Or maybe we go outside and we walk around the property together? If you're listening to this and feeling overwhelmed, trying to jungle a million jungle, juggle a million things and wondering why you can't seem to keep all the plates spinning. Maybe the goal isn't to keep every plate spinning. Maybe the goal is to know which plate matters most right now. Maybe it's the plate of spaghetti, maybe it's the plate of Caesar salad. As I'm saying this, I hope that there's something popping into your mind that's like, yeah, this doesn't really matter much right now. And if friendships aren't like your main goal right now, like building your friendships and keeping your friendships because you have solid friendships, and you need to take a break, just let them know. If their true friends are gonna understand, just say, hey, I'm dealing with a lot and I just need to focus my energy elsewhere right now because I can't do everything. A good friend will say, you know what, I'll pray for you and I'm here and I'll just keep texting and let me know when you're free. And if you can't volunteer because you're feeling so overwhelmed, let your volunteer coordinator know. They are also typically volunteers, right? And they know that volunteers get burnt out. If you need a break one week, that's okay. If you're meant to bring your child to a play group and you're just like so tapped out you can't even think about having another conversation with a human being, just don't go. Or ask somebody else to bring your child. If you have a friend that's going, say, hey, you know what? I'm just gonna sit back today. Do you mind picking up my little one and bringing them with you? I would really appreciate that. I'm sure a friend would be happy to do that for you. You don't need perfect balance. You don't need to have all the plates in the air at once. You need intentional priorities. And one thing I kind of touched on, but not really, was the house cleanliness. Am I the only one who's like insanely crazy and thinking that like getting rid of absolutely everything in my house is just gonna solve my problem of feeling distressed over the condition of my house. Like it's not dirty, it's just there's it's lived in. Okay, we'll say my house is lived in, but I just want to get rid of everything. And the house cleanliness, oh my goodness, there's a big spider in front of me talking about house cleanliness. I'm not at my house, I'm in my office. It's a daddy long leg, we're good, we're safe, let's breathe. My house cleanliness, it's clean, but maybe the dishes don't get done at night, maybe the footwear doesn't get put away at the end of the day, maybe the table still has crafting stuff all over it. But what's the priority? The priority is that when my son wakes up in the morning, he's gonna be able to do his craft and be happy. The priority is spending time with my husband instead of cleaning the kitchen in the evening. And if today all you did was love your family, show up for your people, and take one step forward, you're doing better than you think. So if you're feeling stretched, thin right now, trying to be everything to everyone, maybe this is your reminder that balance isn't about doing more. It's about being present for what matters most. The emails can wait, the laundry will still be there tomorrow, the business will always give you more work to do, but the people you love only get this version of today once. Do not miss it. And at the end of your life, nobody is going to read your to-do lists. They're going to remember how you made them feel, they'll remember whether you were present, they'll remember the dinners, the conversations, the car rides, the ordinary moments that didn't seem important at the time. So build a business, chase the goals, work hard, but don't accidentally sacrifice the life you're working so hard to create that you miss the answered prayers that you're living in right now. And don't forget, you're still becoming, I'm still becoming, and we're doing it together. Thanks for spending this time with me. If something in today's conversation met you where you are, I hope you carry that with you. Remember, you're not who you were, and you don't have to rush who you're becoming. Growth is rarely allowed. Sometimes it looks like choosing patience. Sometimes it looks like resting. Sometimes it looks like trying again tomorrow. Wherever you are in your process, you're not alone in it. We are still becoming next time.