Scattered Moments
Brief reflections on faith, adversity, and the quiet places where grace appears.
Each episode of Scattered Moments is a brief journey through the unexpected classrooms where God does His deepest work — hospital rooms and sanctuaries, seasons of grief and flashes of joy, the ordinary moments where grace shows up and changes everything.
Drawing from over forty years of writing, ministry, and life in the trenches, Matt Tullos weaves together original poetry, hymn stories, Scripture, and honest reflection to remind you that even adversity, you are not alone.
New episodes every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Take heart, notice the scattered moments, and share the grace.
Scattered Moments
AXIOM (Part 1): If I Die, I Die
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What do you do when your mind races to the worst-case scenario?
In this first episode of a three-part series called AXIOM, Matt reflects on a quiet but powerful phrase drawn from the life of Esther:
“If I die, I die.”
It sounds dark at first…
but what if it’s actually the doorway to peace?
Through Scripture, story, and honest reflection, this episode explores what happens when we stop trying to control the outcome—and instead place our lives fully in the hands of God.
Featuring:
- Esther’s courageous decision in the face of uncertainty
- The quiet resolve of Perpetua
- Paul’s tension between purpose and eternity (Philippians 1:21–23)
This is not about giving up.
It’s about letting go.
And maybe discovering that when the worst thing loses its power… fear does too.
🎙️ Scattered Moments are quiet reflections on faith, adversity, and the quiet places where grace appears.
Welcome to Scattered Moments, Reflections on Faith, Adversity, and the Quiet Places Where Grace Appears. And this is the first of a three-part series that I'm calling Axiom. Of course, you know, axiom is something you don't prove, it's something you just recognize. And these three axioms are the ones that have helped me endure crushing days. If I'm honest, I've spent a lot of my life catastrophizing. Not a little, a lot. Worst case scenarios show up uninvited, especially in the middle of uncertainty, in the spaces where I don't have control. Maybe you know the feeling. But over time I found a phrase, just five words, that has become an antidote for me. It comes from the book of Esther. You remember the story. She's about to walk into the king's presence, uninvited, which could mean her death. And in that moment, with everything on the line, she says, If I perish, I perish. If I die, I die. I don't fully know why, but every time I say those words, something settles in me. It's like fear loosens its grip. There's a quiet courage there, a calm I can't quite explain. And Esther's not the only one who's lived this way. There was a woman named Perpetua, a new mother, living in the early church. Her father begged her, just say the word, just step back, stay alive, but she couldn't. She said, I cannot be called anything other than what I am. And she walked into the arena. Not because she wanted to die, because she had already settled the question. If I die, I die. And maybe that's where the peace begins. Not when the risk goes away, but when the outcome no longer owns you. Because really, what's the worst that could happen? Two things. I live, and the purpose God has in front of me is fulfilled. If I die, I die. Or I die, and I go to be with Jesus. Either way, I'm held. That's not a new idea. The apostle Paul said something very similar. He wrote, For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. Paul felt the tension. Stay and there's purpose. Go and there's Jesus. And somehow he wasn't afraid of either. I don't know what you're facing today. I don't know what uncertainty is loitering around in the subtext of your life, what diagnosis, what conversation, what unknown circumstance you're facing. But maybe, just maybe, you whisper it. Not loudly, not dramatically, just quietly. If I die. If I die, I die. It sounds dark at first, but for the one who belongs to Jesus, there's a daring kind of freedom in it. A courage that doesn't come from strength, but from surrender. And maybe that's the axiom. When the worst thing loses its power, the fear does too. That's today's scattered moment. Until next time, take care. Notice the scattered moments and share the grace.
