Why everyone's wrong about + why that's your advantage

This one's for both my people pleasers and people dislikers lol. In this episode we will unpack the reason we get such different reactions from people even when we are always ourselves when they meet us. Once I understood this concept and embraced it I used it to find better relationships, clients and overall happiness. I hope you can too.
We will touch on the applications for business, relationships, self confidence and improvement.
I hope you like it and I'll be ok if you don't. Let's go.

Follow on social media @wemeantwelll

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Have you ever met someone you could just tell off rip that their energy was weird and didn't quite like you? How about the flip side? Have you met someone and it was like love at first sight? Your energies was aligned, you was on the same wavelength, you could tell you was really gonna like this person. Yeah, I have too. Have you ever wondered why that happens? Why do some people that don't even know you feel like they already don't like you? Well, by the end of this video, you'll understand why both of those things happen and you'll understand how to use it to your advantage. This is medium well, where we're doing okay, but we could do better. I'm Dejahn. Let's get into it.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

Wait, what do you say? Medium red or medium well? Medium wear.

SPEAKER_01 0:40

So, as I like to do, I'm gonna start this topic off with a story. Not too long ago, I was in Miami working with Pharrell's uh nonprofit. It was a great opportunity, but I noticed something funny. One of the mornings I was walking around and it was around 70 degrees, and I saw a bunch of people in sweats, full sweatsuits. And I'm thinking to myself, sweatsuits and 70 degrees is insane. You know, I'm from Michigan. It was cold back home. I could have, I could have worn nothing. I could have worn a I could have worn a birthday suit, let alone a sweatsuit. You know what I'm saying? So I'm thinking, it's so crazy. These people obviously are from the south, they from Miami, and to them it's it's cold, it's chilly. Where to me, it's hot. You know what I'm saying? It's hot out here. That got me thinking about how, like, depending on where you're from, it determines how you feel about the same temperature. You know, we're all in the same temperature out here, we're all in 70 degrees, we're in Miami, but some people think it's chilly while others like me think it's warm. And I realize that's just like us. We're all the temp, we're all the weather, we're all ourselves, and people feel differently about us, depending on their perspective and their experience and kind of what they've been through. And even though we know this, the question still remains like, why does that happen? Why do people feel differently about us when we're the same person no matter where we go? And the answer is everyone's wrong about you. Flat out. No one actually knows you. They don't know what you've been through, they don't know what's happened to you, they don't know what your intentions are all the time, they don't know what you feel, they don't know your strengths necessarily, they don't know your weaknesses, yet they all feel a certain way. A person will will meet you and quickly judge whether they like you or not off of not even 1% of knowing your history or 1% of knowing what you've been through, and 1% of anything really about you. And even the people that do know you, whether they work with you or they're friends with you, or they're even in a romantic relationship with you, no one will ever fully know you. Only God will know that. You know, even the closest person to me in my life or my closest friends, they know a percentage of me. They don't know 100%. They don't know what's in my brain, they don't know what I think. I've never told anyone every experience I've ever had. So at the end of the day, even the people that love me don't really fully know me. So as a human, we all assume a lot. We fill in a lot of blanks. We know what we know about people, and then the rest we just fill in. Whether it's we just met them or we've known them for a while. There's a lot that we're assuming. And there's a lot that we're just feeling off of vibes. We're, we're, we're associating certain energies or certain characteristics to things that we've experienced in the past. So there will be people that meet you and say, wow, this person's amazing. I love their style, I love their humor, I love their hair, I love the way that they make me feel, I love the way that they talk. While there's people that will meet you and think, I kind of hate the way they are. I kind of hate the way they talk. I think they're arrogant, or I feel like they look down on me, or I feel like they're not that valuable. You know, same for if you find a partner, you probably really felt great about the person you ended up with. And believe it or not, there's someone that met your partner themselves and did not like them. You know, based on what they think of life and what they think of who they are and and what their experiences were. So now that we understand why certain people like you and why certain people don't, what do we do with that information? We understand that it's based on their past experiences and their past lives, but we'll what do we do with that? How can we use that to our advantage? Well, with our realization number one, that people will naturally like you or dislike you, you can understand that no matter what you do, there will always be people that just don't vibe with you. So if you want to be a people pleaser, or if you want to be a person that's trying to be someone else to get more people to like you, you have to understand you still will have people that won't like the energy you're projecting or the person you're projecting. There will never be a way for everyone to like you. So, number one, that means just be yourself. Because that at least at that point, the people that like you like you for you and not who you're trying to show yourself to be. So that already is an advantage that I know that when I show up as me, I can expect people to like me and I expect people not to like me. And the fact that people don't understand me or get me or or necessarily love who I am does not mean that there's something wrong with me or that there will ever be a time where that's just not the case. It will that will always be the case. And understand if a person doesn't like you, that has more to say about them than you. It because at the end of the day, if they just met you and they don't like you, you haven't done anything to them. Someone that maybe is similar to you has hurt them in the past. Maybe someone that's similar intimidates them. Maybe they've seen characteristics that you have as intimidating and they feel like they don't measure up or it's a threat to who they are. End of the day, it's not personal, you know? And just on the flip side, if someone does like you, at the end of the day, it's also not personal. Now it might get to you, you create a strong relationship and they do genuinely genuinely like some things about you, but they still are more open to your characteristics based on their experience in their life. So that's number one. You can be yourself because no matter what, some people are gonna love you, some people are gonna not like you, and some people are gonna be indifferent. That's just the way it is. And number two, this is really important. Because of this, we can understand we should not be spending our time trying to get everyone to like us. Because number one, no one will ever know everything about you. And number two, there will always be a group of people that naturally just don't align with you. So instead of using our energy to try to get everyone that doesn't agree with us, that doesn't align with us, that doesn't like us to be part of our tribe, we can use that energy to better find more people that align with us and nurture that community. We can spend more time having good times with the people we like. We can spend more time meeting more people like us. We can put energy into bringing value to people like us that align with us. Instead of using that time to figure out how I can manufacture new friends or manufacture a facade that makes people think I'm more likable that naturally just don't like me. At the end of the day, that would be putting energy into a place where the return is a lot lower. Think about if you were to spend three hours talking to your best friend, how much more joy you both would get versus spending three hours with a person that just fundamentally is not aligned with you. Now, you might get that person to like you a little bit more, you might get somewhere, but you will get a lot farther, you'll get a lot more joy, and you'll get a lot more positive outcomes from talking to someone that you align with. Now, what I'm saying is not don't try to talk to other people and get to know different people with different perspectives or views. That's not what I'm saying at all. What I'm saying is don't try to put energy into people pleasing based on your insecurity because they don't naturally align with you. Because even the best conversations, you can you can understand a person better and respect a person more. That doesn't mean that they're gonna become your favorite person or vice versa. So I think it's very important to have diversity in thinking and to have your your ideas challenged and to be around people that have healthy interactions with you that's different than you. But if we're trying to change who we are fundamentally to become something that we think other people might like better, that's not what we're here for. We're here to uh build our communities, help people in the best way we can, and to be authentic to ourselves. So today, this week, this month, try to connect with more people that you've felt good energy with. Try to build relationships, follow up with someone, someone that made you feel good, you know, try to connect with them and see where that goes. I've had great, I've had some of my best friendships happen because of a small interaction with a person that I thought they were really cool. And I intentionally went out, found their contact, and said, you know what, let's hang out. I've gotten multiple best friends that way. All the best friends I have came from that situation. You know, specifically I had one in college. We met in a financial aid line. I think I we had a great conversation later that semester. I saw him, I grabbed his number, never hung out for months. But when I was thinking, I was like, I really like that guy. Um, I think we should maybe be friends. So I reached out to him and asked to hang out, and now we've been friends, best friends, for about 10 years now. So that's an example of just understanding where your energies align and who you align with and nurturing those relationships and understanding that um the beauty of life is that there will be people that align with you and people that don't. So it makes the people that align with you more special. And it also helps you understand that if people don't align with me, that's just the way life is. That doesn't say anything negative about me. If you remember one thing, remember this the way people treat you has more to say about them than it does you. I appreciate you guys listening and watching. Go ahead and subscribe. I'll be yapping from here until infinity. I'm Dejahn. Y'all have a good night.