Why unhappy people need you to fail ( & how to trust your own opinion)

When you decide to improve your life, you become enemy number one of people that are too scared to change theirs. Today we'll explore why that is and how to avoid being crippled by their judgment. Because the criticism, the negativity, the unsolicited opinions — none of that is really about you. It never was.

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Transcript

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We all know those people that are constantly negative, talking bad about someone, criticizing them, and they seem super invested in other people's lives and decisions. And the harsh reality is they go so hard because they need you to fail. In this episode, we'll talk about why that is. We'll talk about how to deal with it. We'll talk about how to trust your own voice when there's a bunch of opinions, and how to build a community of people you should listen to. This is Medium Well, where we're doing okay, but we know we can do better. I'm Dejahan. Let's get into it. So the first thing we have to understand is there are a lot of paths in this life, especially if you live in America. You have the freedom to chase your dreams and to change your life, but a lot of people still don't. And why is that? Well, humans fall victim to three main fears that is fear of rejection, fear of judgment, and fear of failure. Most people have dreams and things they would like to do, but those three fears hold them back. So that means they need you to not succeed. Because if you succeed, it makes them ask themselves, why didn't I? What's different about them? And it makes them feel small. So instead, they'll criticize you, hoping that you'll also fall victim to the fear of judgment through their judgment, or become so afraid of failure like they are through the criticism they have that you won't even chase your dreams or try to change your life. It's a selfish play, really, because it's it's basically saying, I don't want to see someone go farther than I have, because that means I must be below them because there's obviously something different about us. It's really interesting because there's really two types of people. There's people that get inspired by seeing others do something, and they see that as wow, validation, I can also become something I want to become. While there's a whole other kip of people that see people succeeding as a threat to who they are, they feel lesser than if they see a person overcome these fears of rejection, judgment, and failure. So instead, they need you to fail. Because if you fail, they won't have to look in the mirror and ask themselves, what's different about me? Why couldn't I do it? That's why you see a lot of music artists, some of their biggest haters are people from their hometown. Because those people had the same circumstances, they came from the same place, and it's a bigger threat to who they are if they see someone come from the same spot and achieve their dreams. It makes them have to feel like, oh, they've got some type of unfair advantage or they're weird or they're cringy. It's easier to try to tear people down than to feel motivated to achieve something they would like to do. So basically, like I said, if they can plant enough fear in you, it'll knock you off course. If they can plant enough self-consciousness in you, it'll make you feel like even if you would be successful, it's not worth uh being seen because I'm being seen as negative. These are the voices that play in critical people's minds. Critics are hardest on themselves. They have a lot of self-doubt, they have a lot of voices in their head telling them they can't do things, they're not good enough, they're not talented enough, they're too cringy. So they have to take that because that's weighing them down. They have to put that on others. Misery loves company. They can't see people from where they're from or with similar circumstances become successful because that's way too hard to reconcile. So we hear things like that won't work. That's ridiculous. You look dumb. Everyone thinks you uh look stupid, everyone's laughing at you. This is corny. You're doing you're just doing too much. Oh, that's weird what you're doing. Are you embarrassed? I'd be embarrassed. Like, okay, we know you'd be embarrassed because you don't do nothing. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to lash out that way. Basically, everything they're saying, they believe about themselves and they want you to believe it too. That's just the way it is. And unfortunately, there's also an archetype of a successful and secure person, a person that still does those things not because they're at a place that makes them feel lower than, but they don't want anyone to join them in success. They want to be special and being able to overcome obstacles. So they don't want people to make it to where they're at to make them feel no longer special, to make them feel no longer talented. They don't like seeing others achieve their dreams because that's where they get their identity from, is the fact that I'm successful, I've done something, and if other people do it, that means who I am is not that cool anymore. That's a smaller group of people, but it's also still an archetype of person you'll see. And that one is super sad. It might be even more sad than the others. So, in summary of that, people speak from fear and insecurity of themselves, and they're projecting that onto you, and it doesn't really have a lot to do with who you are, it has a lot to do with who they are. Okay, but what do we do with that? How do we trust our own voice when there's so many voices around us? Because we know it's good enough not to listen to negativity or people that are trying to tear us down, but how do we trust what we should do? That's a good question. Thanks for asking. Now, first it starts with self-exploration, sitting down and looking at what are my talents, what are my interests, what are the things I'm passionate about, and how can I bring those things together to become something valuable for me and valuable for other people. And this goes for anything relationship, job, hobby, business, whatever it is. You can look at what am I good at, what do I like to be in a relationship, in a hobby, and a job, and how do I see those things intersecting? Or what type of person do I like to be in a relationship? And am I a listener? Am I a motivator? Am I a person that's just there for you? These things can help you understand what are my actual gifts that God gave me and allow you to figure out where that would lead you to the best situation. So now when you're going into the world making decisions on the career path or the hobby or the relationship or the lifestyle you want, you won't be listening to people project their fears onto you because you know yourself. You know what your strengths are, you know what your experiences are, you know what you actually like to do, you know what's fulfilling to you. Now they can't tell you what you should or shouldn't do, and they shouldn't be able to project all their self-criticism onto you. So now when you're trying to start a business or figure out who you want to be in the workplace, you can lean onto what you know about yourself and what your gifts are. At work, maybe you're a great listener, maybe you're an advocate for people, maybe you can motivate people in business if you love fashion, if you love interior design, you know that that's a path that would be good for you. Specifically if you know that the way you would like to do it. Maybe you're not great with bosses like me, or maybe you're a great employee, so you know you should work at a company. You've done that self-exploration, so you know specifically what is the best scenario for me without listening to other people project their insecurities and anxieties onto you. So this is not about being a know-doll, but it's about having a good understanding of who you are and using that as a roadmap for your decisions. Okay, now we can talk about who should we actually listen to? And these are some kind of tips on the people that you should be taking input from. Now we do this through looking at some of what I call green flags. Are these people that have done self-exploration for themselves? Do you see them growing, trying to work on their weaknesses, maximize their strengths? Are they going towards something? Are they betting on themselves, leaning into their gifts, avoiding the fear of the things that we succumb to, which is fear of rejection or judgment or failure? Are these people that speak life into others? Do they speak life into me? Do they speak life into other people? Are they celebrating wins of other people and me? That shows you these are secure people speaking from a place of genuine love and not fear. You understand these are people that are not afraid to do things, they're not afraid to believe in who they are and trusting their own voice, and they're not afraid to support you and see you win. So you know you can take what they're saying as something that's valuable. These are people with good hearts that help you think through things, that celebrate you, and that push you forward and not try to hold you back because it makes them feel bigger. With this information, you can understand who you should have in your circle, curate a community around you of people that are genuinely helpful, genuinely good spirits, and good energy for you, and helps you protect your peace and helps you become the best version of you. So, in summary, people who are full of fear, negativity need you to fail. Because if you succeed, they'll have to look in the mirror and they won't like what they see. So go out, understand yourself, learn yourself, uh, trust your voice, build a community of people that you also respect, admire, people that push you, that uplift you, and go out and be the best version of you and keep killing it. I appreciate y'all watching. If you're on podcast platforms, I appreciate you listening. If you're on YouTube, like I always say, there should be another video for you to watch up at the top. Uh, go ahead and subscribe. I'll be here every Monday, drop in another episode. Appreciate y'all coming until next time. Peace.