Self Compassion Is the Key to Resilience

In this episode of Managing Difficult People, Adam Holbrook dives into the powerful connection between self-compassion, resilience, and personal growth. Using the viral story of his daughter’s performance video that generated both massive praise and criticism online, Adam explores how the way we speak to ourselves shapes our confidence, emotional well-being, relationships, and ability to navigate adversity.

This episode unpacks the hidden damage caused by negative self-talk and why so many people are far harsher on themselves than they would ever be toward someone they love. Adam shares practical insights on handling criticism, overcoming self-doubt, embracing failure as part of growth, and learning how to redirect your mindset when life pulls you off course. Through relatable stories and powerful analogies, including lessons from space exploration and resilience training, he reminds listeners that growth is never a straight line and that kindness toward yourself is one of the most important skills you can develop.

If you’ve been struggling with perfectionism, criticism, burnout, or feeling like you’re never enough, this episode will help you shift your inner dialogue, rebuild confidence, and remember that progress happens when you learn to support yourself instead of tearing yourself down.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Like credit for everybody. And still gets invited to the leadership retreat. Then this podcast is for you. So here's your host, Adam Holbrook of Managing Difficult People Podcast.

SPEAKER_00 0:30

Welcome to the Managing Difficult People Podcast. I am your host, Adam Holbrook. Today's episode, we're going to be talking about self-compassion and self-talk, how we talk to ourselves. Because a lot of times we're not talking to ourselves very, very nicely. We're actually quite difficult to ourselves. And that will transpire into other relationships we have. I want to share a story with you. I posted a video of my daughter's eighth-grade talent show act, it was called Circus Rings on TikTok. And the post went viral with 38 million views so far, and it's got tens of thousands of comments. It's at 3 million likes so far. The post, the video, has gained my family and my daughter a lot of attention. She's been taking these circus rings lessons for about two years, where she does these awesome, amazing, mesmerizing tricks with these 16-inch plastic rings. The attention that we've gotten from this one reel has been insane. The artist that she performed her song to, which was Head and Heart by Joel Corey, the Joel Corey, commented on the video saying, You crushed it. Thanks for using my song. Other opportunities included five girls reached out to me and said, We want your daughter to perform at our birthday party. And they sent me a case of their soda product just for the heck of it. Two couples reached out and asked if my daughter can perform at their wedding. Plus, I just signed a contract with this viral company who's going to use my video and help monetize it and sell it to media outlets. It's been such a fun, exciting ride for me and my family. But, but here's a giant butt. The video has gained a lot of negativity as well. Many people have come up to me and said I should take down the video that went viral because it's messing with my daughter's well-being. Comments on the thread said it wasn't that impressive. She's gonna look back at this when she's 30 years old and she is gonna be embarrassed. Or whatever else they said. She doesn't look like she's a middle schooler, she looks like she's 30 years old, plus many, many more. But there was a whole lot of great comments, too. A whole lot of great comments. And if I try to shield my daughter away from all the negativity in life, she's never gonna build resilience. Resilience starts with how we talk to ourselves and how we treat ourselves. The further you go in life, the more people are gonna have to say about it. My daughter said to me, she goes, Daddy, I don't care what other people think of this video. I like it, even if they don't. Self-compassion starts with how we treat ourselves. How are you treating yourself? If you treat, if you talk to your friends the way you talk to yourself, would you still have friends? Let's listen to that again. If you talk to your friends, the way you talk to yourself, would you still have friends? When something finally goes right in your life, do you say, good for me, I earn that? Or do you say, it's about freaking time? That used to be me forever. When someone gives you a compliment and says, good job, do you accept it and say thank you? Or do you diminish it and say, ah, it was no big deal? How we talk to ourselves and how we treat ourselves determines how far we go in life. How are you talking to yourself? And for a many, many years, I talked to myself very, very poorly because I would always be hard on myself. I didn't think that it was that important. I always wanted to be more successful, and in the process, I would be down on myself when I mess up. I still mess up every single day, but I'm a lot kinder to myself right now. Not always perfect, but I'm way calmer to myself, kinder to myself, loving to myself now. And the nicer you are to yourself, the further you go in life. It's just a win-win. And I want to give you another example. We just sent another rocket ship up to the moon to orbit the moon. It's called Artemis II. Now, interesting fact about that. When we send a rocket ship up into outer space, 90% of the time, 90% of the time, the rocket ship is off course. The rocket ship is failing 90% of the time. It's not on the directory, the path it was supposed to be on. But does that mean that the mission isn't successful? No, the mission most of the time is very, very successful. A lot of times in our own lives, how many times do we go off course? A little to the right, a little to the left. And sometimes we're going off course for a few years, and we need to pull ourselves back. And a lot of times we can beat ourselves up over that. A rocket ship just doesn't go straight up to the moon. Our trajectory doesn't go straight up to our goal as soon as we want it. We have to fail. We have to fail a thousand times, and we're gonna go off to the right, we're gonna go off to the left, and we gotta be able to bring it back. And in that entire process, if we don't treat ourselves right, you're gonna be hung up a lot longer because people want to deal with people that are positive, people that are excited about growth. And don't get me wrong, we all get down in the dumps and we all need encouragement. We really do. But a lot of times we may not even get encouragement from the people around us, and a lot of times it's coming from ourselves. And if you're the hardest person on yourself, man, it's gonna be a long road. One of the exercises that I do in a mirror exercise when I'm feeling down, I'm feeling like I've gone off course, is I'll repeat these three phrases. I love myself, I am kind to myself, and I believe in myself. I love myself, I am kind to myself, and I believe in myself. We're a giant work in progress. How we treat ourselves will determine how far we go. How are you talking to yourself? How are you believing in yourself? My daughter, in her giant rings activity that she did in that viral reel, that was by accident. I just posted that video just to post it out to the world because I wanted everyone to see it that wanted to see it. I didn't think it was gonna go viral. I didn't think all these opportunities were gonna come from it. I've been posting nonstop to TikTok every single day and getting two, three hundred views. And as soon as I post my daughter's video, the post goes viral. And now all of my other videos that were getting like two or three hundred views, now they're all in the thousands of views just by that. I was failing my way forward, navigating it properly. Sometimes it just takes one moment, one ignitement in your life that's gonna change the trajectory of everything. And it's a lot of times how we treat ourselves because when we treat ourselves right, we can show up better for other people. Those difficult people in our lives don't have the power over us anymore because we believe in ourselves, we're kind to ourselves, we love ourselves. Man, there's a lot that happens in life, and we're just trying to navigate this thing called life effectively. But when we treat ourselves right, it makes it a whole lot easier. One more time, do you love yourself? And if you don't love yourself, just force it. Say, I love myself, I care for myself, I'm kind to myself, I believe in myself. Do this exercise every single day. And if you're off course, pull yourself back on course and encourage yourself, love yourself. Failure is part of life. We have to fail our way forward. And don't get down on yourself when you've gone off course. Correct yourself, make the necessary changes and know if you can just make some changes today and move a little bit forward, learn a little bit and do a little bit every single day. You'll eventually get there. Today's episode, I'm so excited to have brought it to you. I hope today's episode will help you be a little kinder to yourself because when you're kind to yourself, others don't have that power over you. Thanks so much for joining me today. I look forward to seeing you next time on the Managing Difficult People Podcast.

SPEAKER_01 10:25

So that's it for today's episode of the Managing Difficult People Podcast. Head on over to Apple Podcasts or iTunes wherever you listen and subscribe to the show. One lucky listener every single week that posts a review on Apple Podcasts or iTunes will win a chance the grand prize drawing to win a ten thousand dollar private VIP day with Adam Holbrook himself. Be sure to head on over to Managing Difficult People Podcast.com and pick up a free copy of Adam's gift and join us on the next episode.