How to Manage Different Perspectives

Why do smart, well-intentioned people see the same situation completely differently?

In this episode of the Managing Difficult People Podcast, Adam Holbrook explores one of the most important leadership and relationship skills: understanding different perspectives. Through personal stories, practical examples, and leadership insights, Adam explains why people develop different beliefs, values, and viewpoints based on their unique experiences, environments, and life journeys.

You'll learn how to communicate more effectively with people who disagree with you, why curiosity is more powerful than judgment, how to set healthy boundaries when conversations become hostile, and why asking better questions can transform relationships. Adam also shares how replacing the word "should" with "could" can create more productive conversations and help others discover solutions for themselves.

Whether you're navigating workplace conflict, family disagreements, political differences, or challenging relationships, this episode will help you become a stronger communicator, a more effective leader, and someone who can build bridges rather than walls.

Because growth doesn't happen when we surround ourselves with people who think exactly like us. It happens when we're willing to listen, learn, and understand perspectives different from our own.

Stronger leadership starts with better communication.

Learn how to manage conflict, set boundaries, and lead with confidence.
Listen now: https://managingdifficultpeoplepodcast.com/

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

If you deal with someone who talks over everyone, claims credit for everything, and still gets invited to the leadership retreat, then this podcast is for you. So here's your host, Adam Holbrook of Managing Difficult People Podcast.

SPEAKER_01 0:24

Welcome to the Managing Difficult People Podcast. I am your host, Adam Holbrook. In today's episode, we're going to be talking about people with different perspectives than us. Growing up, we lived in an area where everyone thought did exactly the same as another. And I often wondered why so many people saw the world differently. I'm talking about politics. And when me and my family moved to another area, my family was surrounded with people that saw the world completely different than I did. And I found my tribe with a couple people that live locally that saw the world the exact same as me. But I was always wondering why they see it so differently? They can't be wrong, and I can't be right. After a while, I was like, I don't want to find my tribe anymore. I want to explore and actually get to the bottom of why they see the world so differently. And I started getting to know those people, asking them questions. And I realized they just had a completely different upbringing than I did. They had different perspectives on things. That's where we're going in today's episode. How I overcame myself. I got over myself and I started to see things from other people's perspectives. Because when you're hanging out with people that always see it the exact same as you, you can only go so far. When you start bringing people on your team in life that see it differently, they're going to open your mind. They're going to help you grow yourself. Because we got to get over ourselves. We all see the world differently. And we're going to go through all the aspects of perspective today. What happens when someone doesn't respect your perspective? What happens when people are arguing and fighting with one another, when there's hate involved? I like starting today's episode off with this story. Many of you might have heard this story. It's one of my favorite stories to tell on stage. It's when I was going for my morning walk. It was like 5 a.m. in the morning, and I'm halfway through my walk, and it starts to downpour. I mean, it's coming down cats and dogs. And my initial thought was I need to protect my cell phone. So I think quickly and take my shirt off. I wrap my shirt around my cell phone and I stick it in the front portion of my gym shorts to keep it dry. I'm several miles away from home. I realize there's nothing I can do. I'm caught out in this massive rainstorm. I'm gonna go ahead and continue to practice my speeches and practicing body language like I do every single morning on my morning walk. Five minutes into my shirtless pouring rain routine, I noticed there was this Ford Mustang with his emergency flashers on behind me. With every step I took, the Mustang was following behind me. After 10 minutes of him following me, I decide to turn around. I start walking at the car saying, What do you want? As I get, I don't know, 15 feet from the car, the car does this illegal U-turn and he zooms off the other way. At the time I didn't know what that was. I'm just glad that that guy isn't following me. Another minute went by, and I out of the corner of my eye, I see that same Ford Mustang coming back at me. And then all of a sudden I see two police cars. They had their sirens on, their lights on, and they come and they pull me over in the pouring rain on the sidewalk. The two police officers get out of the car. They look at me and go, What's going on? I say, I'm so grateful you're here. So grateful. You see these Ford Mustang right here? He's been following me for the last 10 or 15 minutes. I'm really concerned for my safety. He said he called us on you. He said he saw a mentally deranged individual, me, with no shirt on, talking to himself in a bulge in the front portion of his gym shorts that looks like it could be a weapon. The same exact story. Two completely different judgments. The problem is we all see the world differently. We have different values, we have different beliefs. And if I were to talk to you about my values and my beliefs, and those aren't your values or your beliefs, you don't care. You probably won't get a good feeling about me. At the time I was scared, frustrated, I don't like how this other car approached me. But then I started, as I went home after this, I started recognizing we all see the world differently. And in order to grow ourselves and become the best version of ourselves, we need to attempt to put ourselves in the other person's shoes and see it from their perspective. And I did. And I realized I did look a bit mentally deranged. I just love that story because it's just so real. And at that moment in time, I wasn't seeing it from the other person's perspective. But as I got home, I started thinking to myself, you know what? I had no shirt on. I'm talking to myself. Yeah, man, I bet you I did look, I was deranged. And this is such an important lesson in life. I know we want everyone around us to see it from our perspective. It makes the most sense. It's just completely logical. I don't even understand how a person could possibly even have it another perspective than this. This is common sense. But they do. Finding your tribe in life will only get you so far. I was very, very curious why half of the world was seeing it differently than I was. And I said to myself, I want to try to change the world. I want to try to bring the world together. And I know what I'm up against. I know that this world is so divided on so many different levels. But why does everything need to be a fight with all of us? So I said to myself, I came to this new area where everyone's political views were the complete opposite of mine. I started to hang out with the people that were around me that were different than I did. And you know what? I actually started to hang out with them more. And I started to listen to their values and beliefs and realize that they were raised so much differently than I was. They, I can understand where they were coming in that portion of their life to get to that spot. And as hard as it was for me, I wanted to correct them. I wanted to belittle them. I wanted to fight with them. But instead, I asked questions. And not questions so I can set them up, so I can make them look foolish, but real true questions so I can gain the knowledge of why they chose this political view, this belief in life. It's been completely rewarding to be around so many people that thought differently than I did. And what I used to do is I used to tell people what they should be doing. It was one of my biggest, I don't know, mistakes as a leader, is I was always telling people, bossing people around and telling them what they should do. And I actually started recognizing, and I wrote this in my first book, Character Evolution, that the worst word I believe that you can use is the word should. As in you should do this or you should do that. I believe the word should is the worst word in the dictionary. It's a command, it's a shutdown. It tells another person how to be. Instead, let's replace the word should with the word could. As in you could do this or you could do that. The word could is a suggestion. It's opening their mind to a possibility of another way. I used to say should all the time. Oh, it's your girlfriend's birthday, you should buy your flowers. You're fighting with your parents, you should write a letter and apologize. Instead, replace it with the word could. Guide them to figuring out the problem on their own. And asking questions is such a great tool as well. What I'd like to talk to you about right now is what happens when the other person's perspective turns into hate or them fighting or arguing about what your belief or value is. And I've had this happen to me many of times. Look, we all see it differently, but what happens when somebody is so passionate about a belief and this other person comes in and just starts irating, belittling, yelling, throwing the other person under the bus, even if the other party is being hateful. Say, talking politics right now, and say somebody is arguing about the person that you like in politics and they're hating on them. Well, number one, you should never answer hate with more hate because that's going to equal more hate. If somebody is consistently talking badly about your beliefs and your values, it's time to set a boundary. I should absolutely let them know how you're making them feel. You know, you could say, I don't feel comfortable talking about politics with you. And if they continue to talk about politics or that burning desire to push their perspective on you, that's time for a boundary. Now, a lot of times with boundaries, people think that they need to ghost the other person. I just don't want to hang out with them anymore. They don't respect me, they don't respect my boundaries. I don't believe ghosting is the answer. I believe that we should absolutely let the other person know how we feel, but it should never be about what they did. Because if you start telling them what they did, then they're gonna come back at you and they're gonna start yelling at you and they're trying to argue their point. And you should absolutely set a boundary and you could say something like an I statement, such as, I understand how you can feel this way, but this isn't a road that I want to go down, or I'm working on my own mental health right now, I'm not gonna discuss this with you. And then one of two things is gonna happen when you set that boundary. They're either gonna respect that boundary or they're gonna push back on that boundary. And if they push back on that boundary, it's because more than likely, you've allowed it to happen time and time again. And as soon as you stop responding, stop trying to prove your side, release your ego and the need to be right, you gain the power back. Now, boundaries are not walls to keep people out. They're doorways which we choose when to open them and when to close them. Because if you're gonna shut everyone out with a different perspective than you, or a different belief than you, or somebody that's hurt you, you're not gonna be left with anyone. We all have different perspectives, different beliefs. I hope that we're all growing. And some people may be growing faster than other people, but having a solid boundary and recognizing you can't be walked on with that boundary is the clear indication. I love being around people that are different than me, and I love having respectful conversations. But as soon as that respectful conversation turns into hate about my beliefs, their beliefs, that's when a boundary or you got to put down the line and say, hey, this isn't something that I want to be doing. And if they continue to bring it up after you put down your boundary, after you told them exactly how you feel, it's time to gain some space. And that space could look like a lot of different things. It could be instead of hanging out with them all the time, it could be just showing up for 20 minutes. It could mean calling them back on your way to pick up your son, you'll be in the car for 10 minutes because it's easy to get off the phone after you're there. And one more thing I want to discuss with you is boundaries around your spouse. I don't want you to leave today and say, hey, I want to create some boundaries around my spouse, just like this guy Adam on the Managing Difficult People podcast says I need to do. Boundaries are not for your spouse. You got to get it right with your spouse. And sometimes it takes therapy, sometimes it takes getting over yourself, sometimes it's a communication issue. It's not about the major issues that are going in the life. That's what I've noticed time and time again in the majority of arguments between spouses, but the majority of the time within people with different perspectives is they don't have communication. They just want the other person to understand it from their perspective. And that's why we got to get over ourselves. We got to get over ourselves. I know that value or belief is important to you. I know it's the truth, but the problem is it's your truth. It's another person's lie. As I started to gain more and more friends that thought and saw the world differently than I did, I said, you know what? I want to be able to bring together people that are differently. I want to bring together my old friends that saw it one way with some of my new friends that see it a little bit differently. And I had a trip to Atlantic City. And we do this Atlantic City trip each year. And I was very, very nervous about bringing two sides together. And over the first dinner that we had, I remember having a conversation, standing up over dinner and saying, I'm grateful that you guys are all here to celebrate being together and life together. And one of the greatest gifts that you could do for me is to have a conversation with somebody that you don't know. And you're gonna recognize that they may be very, very different than you. And if we could be respectful to one another, and that's the big thing, that's what we're missing in this world. And I know that the media and all of the other outlets are trying to divide us further and further in life, but we don't need to let them. We gotta love everyone. We can love people even at a distance, even if somebody has pushed every one of your buttons, you can still love them, forgive them, and forgive yourself as well. Man, it's been such a pleasure to have this Atlantic City trip. We've done it, I think 10 years in a row now. And each year it seems like it's getting bigger, and each year people are coming together that see the world differently. There's been some times where some things have happened where things haven't gone all that well, and but the majority of the time, these people that see the world differently can be together and love one another and just be respectful to their beliefs, even if they're different than theirs. Getting over ourselves is key. And asking questions, how they got there in their life. How did they get to this place in their life? Because we all do see it differently. Questions, asking questions to guide the other person to figuring out the problem. Sometimes we don't understand it from their perspective, and we can ask questions, and it makes us understand it. It actually maybe gives them the clarity as to why they see it that way as well. These different perspectives are in front of us each and every day. And we can choose to find our tribe and hang out with only people that see it exactly the same as us, and then limit how far we go in life, limit our friendships, limit how much we grow in life, or we can choose to be around people that are different than us, that see it differently than us. Because think about the greatest teams in this world, the biggest companies, the most successful companies, the most successful schools. They have people around them that see the world differently, that were raised differently, talk differently. Think about Abraham Lincoln when he was elected president. He intentionally brought people on his team of the opposite political party because he said, I already know how I think. I need people around me that think differently. And this perspective things and putting ourselves in another person's shoes and seeing it from their perspective is going to change the world. It's gonna bring together the world. Let me ask you, when was the last time you convinced another person to your political views were right and the other person's were wrong by telling them that they were right, that you are right and they are wrong? Probably never. The true way to influence people into different perspectives, if that's your motive, but it's not my motive, is to connect with people on common ground, connecting with them, getting to know them, their beliefs, their values. It's about taking yourself out of the center, placing others there, making it all about those other people. Because when we can make it about other people and getting to know them, number one, we get over ourselves. We learn about other people, and we get to enjoy the road of life and why everything is so differently. Does this mean that you have to not talk about your values and beliefs? Say you're super religious and you're hanging out with all atheists. Does that mean you shouldn't be posting about your beliefs on social media? No. But be pro your belief, not anti-somebody else's belief. Instead of being anti-Democrat, be pro-republican, and vice versa. Instead of being anti-God, be pro-atheist, be pro-vegan. You don't need to be bashing the other person's beliefs because you're gonna shut them out immediately. They're not gonna want to hang out with you, they're probably gonna get a bad feeling about you, they may even want to hurt you. It's crazy the world we live in. We got to get over ourselves, be with other people. I challenge you this week to get into a conversation with other people that see the world differently than you, that are open-minded to being in a conversation with a different belief than you. And just know that if they answer with hate toward your party, you can let them know, like, hey, listen, I'd like to have a civil conversation with you, but when you're answering it with hate, I would like to work on myself right now. I don't want it, I don't want this conversation to be constantly about a hate of my political views. But and if they can handle that, that's great because that's where true growth lives with people that are different than us. I want to thank you for joining me in today's episode of the Managing Difficult People Podcast. I'm your host, Adam Holbrook. Today's episode was all about different perspectives. We all see the world differently, we all have different values, different beliefs. Keep going, keep building relationships with people that see the world differently. And if you've been burned by a few people that bash your beliefs, don't give up there. Know that there's other people out there that want to be around you because you're different than them. Because they know together you can go so much further. Thanks for coming today. We'll see you next time.

SPEAKER_00 22:01

So that's it for today's episode of the Managing Difficult People Podcast. Head on over to Apple Podcasts or iTunes wherever you listen and subscribe to the show. One lucky listener every single week that posts a review on Apple Podcasts or iTunes will win a chance in the grand prize drawing to win a $10,000 private VIP day with Adam Holbrook himself. Be sure to head on over to Managing Difficult People Podcast dot com and pick up a free copy of Adam's Gift and join us on the next episode.