What To Do Instead When Frustrated

We all get frustrated. The question is: what is that frustration really trying to tell you?

In this episode of Managing Difficult People, Adam Holbrook explores how frustration is often less about other people and more about what's happening inside us. Through personal stories and practical examples, Adam reveals why blaming others keeps us stuck, while self-awareness creates opportunities for growth, better boundaries, stronger habits, and lasting change.

You'll learn how to identify the real source of your frustration, create actionable solutions, and stop giving other people or circumstances control over your happiness. Whether you're frustrated with a coworker, a family member, your workload, or even yourself, this episode offers a simple framework to help you move from blame to progress.

Because every frustration is a message.

The sooner you understand it, the sooner you can create the life you want. 

Stronger leadership starts with better communication.

Learn how to manage conflict, set boundaries, and lead with confidence.
Listen now: https://managingdifficultpeoplepodcast.com/

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

If you deal with someone who talks over everyone, claims credit for everything, and still gets invited to the leadership retreat, then this podcast is for you. So here's your host, Adam Holbrook of Managing Difficult People Podcast.

SPEAKER_01 0:24

Welcome to the Managing Difficult People Podcast. My name is Adam Holbrook, and today we're going to take a deep dive into our frustrations. What frustrations really reveal about ourselves and how we can find a pathway forward for managing these frustrations. Many times we're frustrated at other people or objects, and we want to take out our anger on them. And we want to blame our life circumstances for these frustrations, whether it's another person, whether it's this thing that we did or happened to us, because it takes the pressure off of us and we're not responsible anymore. I've been there a million times, and what I've come to realize is we can't control how other people respond. We can't control what circumstances happen to us, but we can control how we respond. And that's what we're doing in today's podcast. We're going to be talking about our frustrations and what to do instead. I want to share one of my frustrations with you. Every morning and night, the dishes pile up in the sink. I think about using paper plates. I really had a conversation with my wife about hiring someone to do the dishes for us. I tried to con my kids into doing the dishes, but after the excitement of the first day wore off, I was back at it doing the dishes. And I wanted the entire world to know, not the entire world, but most everyone to know in my pathway that I hate doing dishes. That's what I initially thought. But as I started to gain clarity as the real reason I hated doing dishes, it wasn't the task of doing dishes at all that I hated. It was giving up the time to do them. You see, I was struggling in my life to find the time for something that I wanted to do. Something that was going to make me better. Reading. I couldn't get a hold of the consistent time for reading. And I was consistently taking out my frustration on everyone around us and the dishes. So that's when I gained a gigantic aha moment. You guys know what an aha moment is? Just a real good realization that immediately after I'm done doing the dishes, I take our dog, Luna, for a walk. I decided I was gonna buy and purchase my first ever audiobook. And I started to listen to audiobooks while walking Luna. It worked out really, really great. And it still continues to work out great. Luna's much happier. She gets a longer walk, and I'm much happier because I get to listen to my books, which has also helped propel me to listen to books while I'm driving in my car instead of making calls or instead of listening to music. Every frustration we have is an opportunity to get to know ourselves better. It's not the dishes' fault. It's not our partner's fault. It's not our boss's fault, our kids' fault, our parents' fault. Every frustration is an opportunity to get to know ourselves better. What is your frustration? I want you to think about your frustration for a moment. Many times we blame another person for our frustration, or we blame an outside source, such as the dishes. But what you're really saying is those dishes or that person get to control my happiness. Nobody gets to control your happiness but you. Make a list of some different things that you could try. The problem with most people, including myself, in the past was I thought I needed to know exactly where to begin when dealing with a frustration. The odds of you getting it right the first time with dealing with your frustration are slim to none. But as you start moving in the right direction, the pathway uncovers itself. Make a list of all the things that you could do with one of your frustrations. And you start with one. Pick one out. But no list is worth the paper it's written on without taking action. And evaluate that action. So many times we do the same thing, me too, same thing over and over and over again, and we're expecting a different result. You're not gonna get a different result. You gotta evaluate it. Is this working? Is this not working? And if it's not working, change it up. Take action. Evaluate it again. It's not working, change it up. Take action. If it's not working, change it up. I know change is hard, and I know change is a challenge, but change is gonna propel you to where you want to go. So as your frustrations come in, make a list of some things that you can do to deal with this frustration. Choose one. Start there. Take action. See if it's making any changes toward that frustration. Evaluate it. It's not working. I got to change it up. Or you may have to add something else on top of that. And before you know it, you won't be saying, Can you do this? You'll be saying, How far can I go at this thing called life? When I was building this business, this leadership training, speaking and coaching business, COVID-19 hit. And just like everyone, I kind of lost a little bit of who I was as a person, started gaining a ton of weight. I gained like 20 or 30 pounds. We were all just trying to survive COVID, right? And I that's exactly what I thought I was doing. But as more and more time went on, I started getting frustrated with myself. But I was also getting frustrated with my wife because my wife is a great cook, but she was cooking too much food. And I was eating it all. I didn't know how to have portion controls. Started gaining weight, started feeling worse about myself. And I said, I gotta do something. I gotta stop this. So I made a list. I wrote down, I could hire a personal trainer, I can consume less food, I could exercise more, wake up earlier. I made all this list. And then I started with one item. And the first one I started with was finding a personal trainer. And I found this personal trainer and he said to me, You got to start weighing and measuring your food, making sure you hit the right number of calories, fats, proteins, and carbohydrates. This was the first step that I took. And we started weighing and measuring my foods and meal prepping and working with an app called My FitnessPal, where we were able to enter in all the food that I was consuming during the day to find out if I was in a deficit. Because if I wanted to lose weight, I needed to be in a deficit and consume less calories than my body needs to lose weight. And we started moving in that direction. But then I started waking up earlier and started going for my morning walk. And I started losing weight, but also feeling better about myself. And I stopped blaming my wife for my frustrations. I know sometimes life's circumstances are against us. And I know sometimes we just want to get a break in life, but no one else is responsible for your happiness but you. And as soon as you get over the victim's mindset and say to yourself, how can I make this situation better? Do I need boundaries around a certain person? Do I need to be credible for the same message I'm promoting every day? For example, are you credible for what you're trying to say to other people? Because if you're not, you're gonna lose credibility not only with yourself, but with others as well. So your frustration may be tied to that. And your happiness, peace of mind. Not all the time life can be happy, but we can have peace of mind quite often if we allow ourselves to, and know that we are responsible for our own future and our own frustrations. Make a list of your frustration. Make a list of some things that you can do and start with one. It may be as simple as a five-minute walk. It could be as simple as consuming less calories. It could be as simple as creating a new boundary. What is it for you? And start moving toward that direction today. And before you know it, you won't be saying, Can I do this? You'll be saying, How far can I go at this thing called life? My wish for you out of today's podcast is to say and have awareness of what you're currently frustrated about and how to move forward. I want to thank you for joining me in today's episode on the Managing Difficult People Podcast. I'm your host, Adam Holbrook. Let's go.

SPEAKER_00 11:12

So that's it for today's episode of the Managing Difficult People Podcast. Head on over to Apple Podcasts or iTunes wherever you listen and subscribe to the show. One lucky listener every single week that posts a review on Apple Podcasts or iTunes will win a chance in the grand prize drawing to win a $10,000 private VIP day with Adam Holbrook himself. Be sure to head on over to Managing Difficult People Podcast dot com and pick up a free copy of Adam's gift. And join us on the next episode.