Managing Difficult People
Managing Difficult People is a leadership podcast that helps managers, executives, and team leaders handle conflict, improve communication, and build stronger workplace relationships. You can’t change difficult people—but you can change how you lead, influence, and respond to them.
Each episode delivers practical strategies to reduce workplace tension, build trust, strengthen culture, and turn challenging personalities into opportunities for better leadership. Learn how to manage reactive communication, set boundaries, resolve conflict, and lead teams with clarity, confidence, and connection.
Managing Difficult People
Love Coach Junie & Adam discuss a Better Relationship with Our Partner
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What if the biggest breakthrough in your relationship has nothing to do with changing your partner?
In this heartfelt episode of Managing Difficult People, Adam Holbrook sits down with Junie Moon, transformational love coach, bestselling author, and host of the Midlife Love Out Loud Podcast, to explore what it really takes to build a healthy, lasting relationship.
Together, they dive into self-worth, emotional maturity, communication, intimacy, conflict, and the hidden patterns that quietly sabotage even the strongest relationships. Junie shares practical strategies for improving connection, navigating difficult conversations, creating healthy boundaries, and understanding why the relationship you have with yourself sets the foundation for every relationship you'll ever have.
Whether you're dating, married, rebuilding trust, or simply looking to strengthen your connection with your partner, this conversation offers powerful insights that can transform the way you love and communicate.
Because the strongest relationships aren't built by finding the perfect partner.
They're built by becoming the healthiest version of yourself.
Stronger leadership starts with better communication.
Learn how to manage conflict, set boundaries, and lead with confidence.
Listen now: https://managingdifficultpeoplepodcast.com/
If you've ever worked with someone who creates chaos, plays the victim, and blames everyone else, then this podcast is for you. So here's your host, Adam Holbrook.
SPEAKER_00Welcome to the Managing Difficult People Podcast. I am your host, Adam Holbrook. Today I have a treat for you. I have the one and only love coach herself, Juni Moon. Say hi, Juni.
SPEAKER_02I am so happy to be here. Hello.
SPEAKER_00Juni Moon is a transformational voice in mid-life love and personal empowerment. For more than three decades, she has helped people break free of outdated patterns, reclaim their worth, and create extraordinary lives filled with purpose, connection, and joy. As a spiritual love mentor and certified shadow work coach, she brings a rare blend of emotional depth, humor, intuition, and grounded wisdom to every stage and client she serves. Juni is the best-selling author of the book Loving the Whole Package. It's a phenomenal book. I've read it. You should read it too. We're going to talk about it in a second. And she's the host of Midlife Love Out Loud Podcast. Her work has been featured on ABC, NBC, NPR, Fox, The New York Post, News 12 New Jersey, Thrive Global, and Authority Magazine. Her award-winning short film, Shed the Shame, was showcased at Newark International Airport and continues to inspire audiences around the world to release long-held narratives and live more freely. In 2025, Juni created and hosted Your Best Life, a live studio talk show with heartfelt conversations, expert guests, and playful dating segments. Whether she's coaching, speaking, or interviewing, Juni's mission is the same: to help people reclaim their radiance, trust their inner wisdom, and experience more love in every corner of their lives. Welcome, Juni.
SPEAKER_02So good to be here. And I'm smiling aside from the fact of being here and hanging with you. I need to add something to the bio there. My film was shown at the Newark International Film Festival, not the airport. Just saying.
SPEAKER_00Thank you for that correction. Junior thank you for correcting that. Now, Juni, my podcast is managing difficult people. And on our podcast, we speak a lot about managing difficult people, which is we speak a lot about our bosses, our employees, our family dynamics. But we very rarely talk about our partners.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And I was so excited that you decided to join me. You took my invitation to come out today to be here and discuss our partners and our managing the difficulties, our emotions associated with it. I'm gonna take a deep dive into those, some questions that I have for you today. But before we do that, I want to get into your book, Loving the Whole Package. I read this book a few years ago, and I was truly inspired by it. Honestly, it's a great book. And in the book, one of the standout moments for me was when Juni decides to paint her body, and she decides to, I don't know if it was walk around in public, naked, with this body paint on her, and to show how secure she is in her own body. I want to talk to you about how you wrote that book, what inspired you to write that book, and that moment of painting your body and going out there and what you felt.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's the thing I'm most proud of, to be really honest. I've done so many things that I'm like, wow. Painted getting painted by a well-known body painter, international body painter Andy Gollup. I had a live stream show called Life Out Loud with Juni Moon a long time ago. And I was having him come on as my guest, and I thought, you know, instead of just talking about the body and how we're so much more than our body, what if he paints me in real time? And then I went, oh my God, he paints naked people. And then I realized I could do it after decades of shame, after decades of hiding, whether I was 200 pounds or 140 pounds, it didn't matter. I was so scared of being seen. And this is a metaphor, guys, whoever's listening, watching, it's like, like you don't have to get naked to shed the shame. But for me, I realized after doing the deep shadow work and the transformation, I'd come to a place where I could be painted and be seen. So I documented the whole thing, created a mini documentary called Shed the Shame, and it went on to the film festivals, went on to like 50K on the on YouTube. Uh and um, and so then I realized, okay, now that I've done this, and people literally were coming up to me on the streets saying, Thank you. I feel so less alone in my my self-hatred and my discomfort in myself. But here was the thing: that it was my story, but I didn't help people with their story. I didn't help them transform. So I went, oh, now I know what to write. And that's where the book came from. And in the book, I helped people through my story with the tools that I was trained in, the shadow work tools, to help people see not only where they hold themselves back and why they have challenges with all of their relationships, but also how to transform their relationship with themselves and to love themselves across the board.
SPEAKER_00Wow. Juni, that was incredible. Well articulated. And here's the thing is I think we all can struggle. I don't know if anyone else is not struggling with this. As I continue to age, you know, our bodies are adjusting. I'm trying to maintain what I have. And I ask myself, why do I exercise? Why do I starve myself to look a certain way? Am I doing it for health reasons or am I doing it for appearance reasons? And I think that there's a little bit of both going on there. And, you know, as much as I want to look good for myself, I also have to ask myself what the ultimate goal of that is. And I definitely think that I can benefit from some shadow work as well.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, you know, being human is is quite a journey, right? And especially being embodied, and you know, I'm in my 60s, and let me just say things are changing. And and to be able to catch myself in those moments of, ooh, I wasn't there yesterday, or ooh, like what's going on? Like, like I literally have gained seven pounds in the last year, and trust me, it wasn't because of self-sabotage, it's because of hormones. I mean, I take uber care of myself and I do all the quote right things, and yet my body's doing something. And so I can beat myself up and I can go back into my old patterns of self-hatred, or I can have that self-compassion and go, okay, what else might I do? So instead of going down the rabbit hole of all that pain and and judgment, I I've I have found a way to be with what is and take good care of myself and do different things. But at the end of the day, you know, we we uh we are changing. And I'm grateful to be alive.
SPEAKER_00The book is called Loving the Whole Package, and it sounds like a book that we all can use, including myself, and I probably should reread it. It's been a few years. Amazing. Now, Juni, I want to ask some questions about relationships. Yeah. Number one, let's start off easy. How important is it for you to go on a date with your partner?
SPEAKER_02Oh, that's a that's such a great question. And then, of course, it's what does even a date mean, right? Um spending time, quality time with intention, I think is uber important. And that could be sitting at the table like my partner and I do on a regular basis, playing cards, or designating time like a couple of weeks ago. We were like, what do we want to do tonight? And I, of course, I was like, we drop in and go, what would make me happy, you know? And then I was like, what about this? And we went on this date to uh a local restaurant. We just it was a very expensive restaurant. I was like, do we really want to spend all that money? But we wanted to be together and have a new experience, and so we ordered appetizers, we ordered drinks, we even you know indulged in a dessert. Doesn't even matter what it was, it was spending quality intentional time away from the busyness, away from the to-do list, and honoring us as a couple because we all, as human beings, we go to sleep, we get comfortable with what is, and sometimes sadly, we take our partners for granted and we go into okay, this is just the way it is, and we just keep going. So I think it's uber important to find those moments, find those times to designate this is our time. Let's let's create something together.
SPEAKER_00Juni, I I love this so much, and I think that a lot of our listeners are listening to this and saying life is really busy. And I love my partner very much, and we are a great team, and we have that moment on the couch together each night. But one of the things that stood out in what you just said was we changed the scenery. I don't know your exact the exact words, but we went to a a different type of restaurant. We we broke free from this regular routine and we stepped outside that. And that could be simple like a hike, it could be going to a different restaurant you never experienced, and it could just be doing something inexpensive or something expensive, how whatever that would be, but just changing it up and and being aware of it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, break the routine. We can get very complacent, and we could also find ourselves telling ourselves that story of I'm so busy, I'm so busy. And that's where I always say, prioritize, like what is important to you? And and certainly for me, my whole life, I have always known the value of connection and relationship. That's why I ended up in the work that I do because people are starving for depth, they're starving for healthy connection, and most don't know how to create it, let alone ask for it. So if you're in a partnership, I think it's important to have this conversation of what feeds you. You know, what is it that has you feel that love for me and connection with me, and then play with the ideas of what does a date night look like? What does, you know, look where can we find this sacred time, even if it is just a half-hour walk after dinner or going someplace new to really make it sacred?
SPEAKER_00To me, I I gotta get outside the house because when you're in the house, there's always something else to do. There's the laundry, there's cooking, preparing, um, everything possible, cleaning, and getting outside the house actually is you're able to kind of be in that relationship with intention. Very nicely said. Yep. How does emotional maturity, what does emotional maturity in a relationship look like?
SPEAKER_02Again, you know, it's a journey, um, and I think it's an individual journey when it comes to emotional maturity. Uh taking time to get to know yourself, truly. I mean, I think if there's one thing I I work a lot with people that are starting over in the second half of life that may not have a partner, uh, certainly then they get partnered, and that's the next chapter I help them with. And when it comes to emotional maturity, so much is people haven't taken the time to get to know themselves and how they feel. They've been told how to feel, they've been told what looks right, what you know, what what they're supposed to say, how they're supposed to act. And we fit into these dynamics of what we've been trained to be like. And that's very limiting. And so I think to have emotional maturity, we need to slow down and and really come home to who we are and feel into it. And we haven't been taught how to feel. So, I mean, there's lots of paths and lots of coaches and and journeys to support you in what is emotional maturity. But my definition would be really knowing who yourself and really uh really claiming that as this is what is true for me right now, without all without the BS, the belief systems on top of it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and you see the pattern. I see it a lot with people that I know. They jump from one relationship to another relationship, and it's the same patterns repeating, it's just with a different person. And until they until they can actually get to know themselves better, learn how to be emotionally mature and handle those situations, the pattern will continue.
SPEAKER_02Very that's how I got my guy. I got my guy in one swipe. Now, here's the seriously, one swipe.
SPEAKER_00One swipe on what is that, the Tinder?
SPEAKER_02Is it and boy was it a night. Uh no, it it was actually on hinge, but it doesn't matter. The apps, there are good apps, bad apps, but overall apps are apps. One swipe, but here's the caveat like it was about eight months prior to that one swipe that I oops, I lost my earplug. Hold on a second. My earplug, my ear, ear thing, my my earpod. Um it's amazing how these things go in your ears and then they pop out. I don't understand. Anyway, uh eight months prior, I was on the dating apps and I was meeting great guys, but I was noticing patterns. You know, I'm not at the top of the mountain, I'm still learning and growing. And so I was like, okay, I have some more work to do about this particular pattern. And I spent some time in those eight months letting go and and getting deeper into that clear North Star of who I'm looking for and what is important for me. And there was that infamous night where I was like, I'm ready. And I went into that app with the with the with an agreement that I would only swipe unless I'm 100% sure that there's something in his his profile that makes me go, he's from my world. I could talk to this guy. And he may not be my soulmate, but I'm like, I'm only swiping unless these this criteria is met, and the rest is history. It's mind-blowing. So uh yeah, getting to know oneself and and and to break those patterns. Otherwise, I mean, so many people come to me so afraid that they're gonna be looking across the table, seeing someone different, but having the same dynamics and the same dramas. Gotta break the patterns.
SPEAKER_00Now, Juni, I I the same thing happened with me and my wife. I was dating quite a bit before I met my wife, and then I decided I wasn't gonna date anymore. And I didn't go on a date probably six, eight months before I had a date with my wife. But I made a list of criteria that my next date needed to have. And I'm not gonna read you the list. I know, I know a lot of the items still, but I'm not gonna get into it. But if they didn't even meet that criteria, I wasn't even interested in going on a date. But I got a question. As the relationship goes on, we get through that initial phase. It's not that we change, it's that we may change actually. But what happens when our emotional needs are not met by our partner?
SPEAKER_02Well, that's interesting. They're not met by our partner. So, first, there's that nuance of the expectation that our partner needs to meet our needs. So let's let's actually dial that back that you know, we are responsible for our needs overall. We are responsible to know that we even have a need. I mean, I was in a 20-year marriage where I didn't get my needs met because I was so disconnected from my needs, and I was terrified that if I actually asked him for my needs to be met, that I would be rejected. So first we need to even be aware that we have needs and honor our needs. So we need to take some self-responsibility around that. And then let's just say there is something that's important to you. And hopefully, with that list that you were saying about what do you want in a partner, that it's not just tall, dark, and handsome. I mean, and it's like, like, what are the values in your life? What's important to you? So, for example, for me, my my time alone sometimes is really important. Spend I go to Dr. Joe Dispenza retreat. Sometimes I'm away for you know seven to ten days doing some deep work. I had a need, a very important need, that a partner could let me do my thing and not squash me or keep me from important things. So it's important to know what's important to you first before you hop into a relationship.
SPEAKER_00And suppose your partner then says to you after you get back from that retreat, Juni, I I miss being around you. I need some time with just you. Are we able to go on a date? Are we able to do that stuff? But you still may be craving, you were away with Dr. Dispenza, and you were with all of your uh love coaches and all of your doing this amazing work, and you're burnt out, and you just deeply want to just sit on the couch and read and just kind of be by yourself. How do you balance that while meeting the other person's emotional needs, but also not but being able to serve yourself?
SPEAKER_02I love, love, love, love, love that question. And again, this comes back to the beginning of a relationship, or at least you need to establish it now, which is how do we navigate when we bump into those situations? How do we negotiate both of our needs so it's a win-win? Because, and that's one of the things I love about my partner soon out the gate. We talked about it's never about letting go or losing something that's important to us. How do we create a win and create it for both of us? And so, yeah, if one person needs something that seems like it's clashing with another, hopefully you've established a container of safety to be able to go, okay, let's look at this. Let's have a really healthy dialogue and communicate what's going on. Okay, I'm, you know, so maybe he's he speaks first about it was really hard for you to be away, or I'm I'm feeling that that need to have, you know, some some quality time. And then maybe it's like, okay, let's talk about what that looks like. And this is where I'm at, and that's where we dance. I don't think a lot of people know how to dance when you have two different views and talk about dealing with difficult people. If you're you're talking at each other and you haven't found a way to actually have healthy communication, of course there's gonna be drama. And then when the heart's involved when it comes to relationships, to be able to create that safe, sacred place to kind of go, okay, you've got something going on, I've got something going on. How could we make this work? That's how you do it.
SPEAKER_00And I think a lot of times we want to be right, then being right is more important than getting it right. And I think we get busy in life, and I know kids can get messy, and the relationship could take a back seat as you navigate the kids, but it's always important to be able to make that time for one another and just recognize like we're changing, and maybe one person's needs are different than the other person's needs, but being able to talk through those and be able to have those moments where both needs are being met is so important. And we started talking about it, you started mentioning it, is why do our why does our significant other trigger us more than our employers, our people that we work with?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, you know, and this is a lot entering into a little bit of the you know subconscious, you know, the the unconscious programming. Uh, we're dealing with intimate relationships. We can maybe risk losing a job or losing connection with our boss. But when it's somebody that's close to us, it feels way close to the bone. It feels like like our like our breath itself, you know? And it goes deeply back, not only even to childhood, but how we were born. Like we we have DNA that runs back a long way around we don't want to get kicked out of the tribe, otherwise we die. And so when we're in these intimate relationships and something goes south, it on an uh on a visceral level, it could feel like we're gonna die. So, so it it the stakes seem higher, uh, and it's familiar, family, familiar, and and the last thing we want to do is feel left, rejected, alone, not loved. So we're not feeling necessarily all of that when it comes to the worker, you know, the the the colleague, the the um uh the boss. Uh there could be flavors of that fear, but at the end of the day, when our hearts are involved, it could feel way more scary.
SPEAKER_00And I think that if we take uh a little bit that question a little bit further and say, what is the main reason we get into these arguments? And I think that the emotions are. So high. And the biggest mistake that couples make during arguments, I would say, is that their emotions get so high, and they they love this person so much and they deeply want them to see it from that person's perspective without having that argument, without having that emotional burst, how can we be able to communicate effectively during those arguments?
SPEAKER_02So it's so interesting. Um so when when it's there's a saying, if it's hysterical, it's historical. And so if you're in a big reaction, an emotionally big reaction, most likely it's not the thing. It's not that you forgot to bring the milk home, you know? It's that you don't underneath it, it's like you don't care about me, you're not respecting me, you're not thinking about me. How could you have done this to me? You know? So it goes deeper, and it's kind of the work that I do, which is helping people kind of drill into where did this start? Like, oh yeah, my mother had a look. And when I dropped the ball, that look made me feel like I was so unloved and the air got sucked out of the room, and I never want to feel that again. Well, that's what's happening when it's hysterical, when we're in in that big reaction and there's that hysterical kind of ah, it's because it's familiar, it's something that we've experienced before. And yes, I hear what you're saying, about we want the other person to understand. And I say, if we're in it, it's not even about the other person. Yes, they might have done something. There's a contributing factor there for sure. And we want to get back to that connection. We want them to understand, but ultimately, what's going on inside of us? And so when I work with people, there's a space between something happens and your reaction and how to find that moment of I need to do my own work here before I react. I need to figure out what's going on inside of me before I have that conversation. And it's one of the things, I mean, I've been with my partner a couple of years now, or close to a couple of years. We're really close. Anyway, we've never we've had these tiny little moments of reaction, but we've never had a full-blown fight. Now, some people might say, What? How could that be? We do our own friggin' work, and that doesn't mean it'll never happen, but we also have built a container of how to do an argument well. Uh we know how to take self-responsibility. But the but again, at the end of the day, this is not about to shame anybody about who might be reacting or having an argument. It means that person does mean something to you. You you really want to figure it out. And I mean, trust me when I say I've had some big blown-out fights with some of my exes, and I can't tell you how much I wanted them to understand what was going on inside of me, but I didn't have the language because I didn't know what was going on inside of me.
SPEAKER_00I mean, there's so many golden nuggets in there, Juni. And I think what I'm hearing is that we need to continue to always work on ourselves. I'm hearing that we're responsible for our own happiness, we're responsible for our own self, but there is a point where we be up we need to be able to communicate in a calm way our needs, and that may be just getting together with the spouse. And if the the spouse loves you, which I know that they do, sometimes I'm reading the book right now, I just got to the end of it. Men are from Mars and uh women are from Venus. Yeah. Fantastic read. Yeah. And it's just recognizing that men have different needs than women do. And some of the the needs of a man are encouragement, they need to feel that that they are they're able to uh that they're loved and they're uh women are want to be respected, they want to know that they're safe, emotionally safe and physically safe with that partner, and it's just really good realization of this book. And sometimes I can read a book like that and and I'll say, Oh yeah, and I'll I'll recognize like what the other person needs to change, but then reading it a second time, reading realizing what I need to change, and when I start to change, the other person then starts to change as well.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, exactly. Yeah, Dr. John Gray, the author, he actually was on my podcast a few times. We've had such great conversations, and it always is amazing to me the difference between men and women, and when we could really understand the other, again, we could have more compassion and we have more uh yeah, just more tools, really, because I'm like, oh, perhaps somebody, maybe that my my man isn't feeling important enough, and feeling important and feeling like they matter is big for guys.
SPEAKER_00Here's the thing though, is a lot of times we think we know what the other person wants, and they may even communicate that, but we're not giving it to them in the exact manner that they feel that is necessary. And in reading this book, Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus, it's saying that make it clear, give an example of what you actually, what encouragement looks like, what what uh you know feeling safe looks like. Give an example of that and use the exact words. But then the rationale behind that is well, if I do that, then I'm basically putting words in my spouse's mouth and they're not really truly their words. But then that's further is is is if actually they are repeating those words, they actually care and love about you, love you enough to actually repeat that, and eventually it's gonna become the word.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, words and actions. Absolutely. Yeah, and and this is more, I think, a female challenge. It's like, doesn't he know already? Does I've already told him a million times, you know, can't he read my mind? And the men are going, I can't read her mind, I don't understand. Why wasn't why didn't she just tell me, you know, again the difference between men and women. And again, it comes back to knowing yourself and communicating. You know, a couple of weeks ago, I I had a moment. I was like, oh, a friend of mine's coming into town, and my partner was coming into town because we're we're not living together yet, and I'm like, oh man, I I haven't seen my friend in so long. But I didn't want to take away time from my my partner. And I know our time is so precious, but I knew I I was like it between a rock and a hard place. And so I did my work and I was like, okay, I've got to have this conversation with him. I didn't come out sideways, I didn't say, you know, say something with a jab, or didn't he know that this was important. I didn't sabotage myself. I said, hey, I need to talk to you. And I was a little nervous. I'm not gonna uh say I wasn't. I was a little, I'm like, I know, I know him. He's gonna be disappointed. I know this is not what he wants. But going back to what you were talking about about date night and intention and relationships, we may not get what we want 100%, but when we have the bigger vision of what is most important, which is peace and love in the container of our relationship, we work the things out. And ultimately, I got to see my friend and we had a great weekend when I came home. So communicating is so important. And yes, meeting each other's needs, we need to let the other person know what it looks like. I love that you brought that up because we don't know until we do. I mean, I can't tell you how many clients I'll talk to and go, well, this happened and this happened, and you know, this is how they, you know, this is how they are. And I'm like, how do you know that's what they were thinking? How do you know that was their intention? Did you ask? Well, they do this all the time. Yes, but do you really know why or what's going on inside of them? And then, of course, teaching them how to have those conversations.
SPEAKER_00Is it is it recommended that you do individual love coaching sessions with you, or do you do groups as well? How does that work?
SPEAKER_02I do both. It really depends on what the person's looking like, you know, looking for. Um, I do have uh my groups and they're wonderful, and I actually think the groups they learn so much from each other, and women especially love to support each other and grow with each other. Uh, but yeah, I have some wonderful, amazing one-on-one uh clients that maybe want to go a little faster, want a little more hold, hand holding. Uh so yeah, yes, and all right, great.
SPEAKER_00I'm gonna skip ahead. I have I wrote a lot of questions down, but we are doing so good here. And the it's so many golden nuggets here, but I want to move on to different sections so we make sure we hit these different sections. What's the best relationship you can give us?
SPEAKER_02What do you mean by give us? Like, what does that mean?
SPEAKER_00Like what what advice would you say if we're struggling in a relationship? Oh, we're struggling in a relationship and we don't know how to get it right, we want to be right.
SPEAKER_02Oh, yeah. Well, again, you know, being right or being happy are definitely two different things. Um and who are you to say that you're right and what is right really, you know. So um, first is to to be open to leaning away from the rightness versus wanting a um a healthier, happier relationship. It comes back to again, I hate to keep repeating myself, but start with the relationship with yourself. The thing I see so often is people are constantly blaming the other, pointing fingers to the partner. It's their fault, it's their behavior, it's their this, that, and whatever. And yes, maybe they're acting in ways that are not conducive to what you're hoping for. And what's going on inside of you and what's the message? This is a common question. I ask, what's the message you're getting when he does that or when she does that? What are you thinking? And it's like, well, I'm thinking that they don't love me. I'm thinking that they that you know that something's more important than me or whatever it is. And that's the work. So I always say, if you want something to change in a relationship, build a relationship to yourself. Learn what's going on between your ears and in your heart, and and really look at the programming because we've all been given a lovely script of how to be and how not to be and what a relationship should look like. So as soon as you hear the word should or as soon as you hear the word right, you're you're down the wrong path, in my opinion.
SPEAKER_00You should do this, you should do that. It's saying that you know better than the other person.
SPEAKER_02Exactly. And that never goes well because the other person's thinking the same thing.
SPEAKER_00Okay, Judy, Judy, I need I need to ask you. Yeah, if the person is going down this road and you keep on repeating, work on yourself, work on yourself. What if somebody doesn't know what that even means? Thank you. Tell us what that means.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, thank you. That that's so true. Um, yeah, well, a lot of people, this is the information age, right? We we spend time talking to ChatGPT or we're watching videos, reading books, and yes, that's where we can learn a lot about ourselves. We can become aware more about healthy dynamics. But working on yourself means, in my opinion, diving in and getting a facilitator, a coach, taking some immersive program where you have somebody outside of you gently, hopefully, lovingly putting up a mirror and guiding you into yourself, doing the transformational work. So when I say working on yourself, I mean changing. I mean healing. I'm not saying just think your way through it. I'm saying feel your way through it. And to me, most modalities out there do not do that. More and more they're popping up, but at the end of the day, most people stay neck up. They do therapy, they learn about themselves, but they're not going into what I call the operating system of what you have learned since you took your first breath and changing the wiring. So that's what I mean by working on yourself, doing the work.
SPEAKER_00And here's the here's the thing is I think we all think about this a little bit differently. And I want to take a guy's stance on this one because for me, I wouldn't do therapy for a very long time. I I was scared of it, I didn't want to be wrong, I didn't know exactly how it wouldn't go to like a coach or a a mentor of anything because I didn't want to act like I didn't know better. So the first step for me was picking up a book, and I started reading that material. And I'm not perfect by any means, and but I continue to read these books and it helped to guide me in that right direction. Is there a book? I mean, I would love to recommend your book here. Your book would would hit all of those areas. If somebody is just starting and saying, hey, look, my relationship is spiraling, it's out of control right now, and I hear what you're saying, Juni. I hear it, but I don't know how to change. Grab a copy of Juni's book. It's loving the whole package. I feel like that's a great starting spot for you, for for the the audience that is looking at this and saying, look, I'm reserved. I don't want to go and meet somebody, I don't want to go on a retreat. I want to give this 20 minutes a day and really kind of dive into it. Is is that what you would recommend as well?
SPEAKER_02Well, I think my book is great. I do. I I um I definitely bring people on a journey and I give exercises in the book, and it's certainly gonna highlight some things that you are not aware of, and you will suddenly go, oh, there is something to do about this. And what I also want to say is not every coach, not every facilitator, not every book is gonna be your jam. So whether my book is like, oh yeah, you know, a couple of chapters in, if you're not feeling it, find one that works. You know, Dr. John Gray's book, uh the the one, you know, Metaphor Mars, Women Are From Vetus was his first book. I don't know how many decades ago, but it it's a brilliant book.
SPEAKER_00I'll say to my wife, I'm like, you gotta read this book. It is a John Maxwell book, and and she'll read a chapter, and she's like, Yeah, nah, I'm not really into it. And then she'll give me her book, and and I'm like, I'm just deeply trying to pay attention because I know it means a lot to her, this book. And I'm looking at it and I'm reading this, and I'm like, I'm spacing out every few words, and and I'm like, I can't do it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah, exactly. Um, find find what feels right to you. Um your own jam. It challenges you as well, you know, because if it's if it's just a nice light book, well, it's a nice light book. I invite you to find a book that has you start to go, huh, I didn't know this, or I'm starting to see this differently. And I just also want to plug Dr. John Gray's newer book. And I don't remember, I think it's Beyond Mars and Venus. I think that's what it was called. Uh and I read that, I don't know, a year or two ago, and I gotta tell you, it it it took what he did and took another whole level about biology and um how we really are wired. It's it's so good. Um yeah, a lot of great books. Just keep learning and expanding.
SPEAKER_00I got two more questions for you.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00What does it truly mean to have a healthy relationship? And what does it feel like to have a healthy relationship?
SPEAKER_02Oh my God. As soon as you said that, I the first word that came to me was free. And that's one of the things that I have been saying over and over since I met Michael is I just feel free. I feel relaxed. My nervous system is relaxed. And and over and over I kept saying, I feel so safe. So did I feel that before him? Yes. So start there again. Get to that place where you feel free and safe and alive and happy in your own life. And that to me is a healthy relationship when you can relax and be yourself. I was always myself in relationships, but there was there were high prices I paid. Now I could be myself and I'm just safe and I can just be open. So being yourself, showing up for yourself and being loved for who you are, all your imperfections, all your quirks, all that stuff. To me, that's a healthy relationship to be able to just relax and be.
SPEAKER_00I I feel the same way, and I know that my wife is listening today, and one of the great things about my wife is she lets me be me. And I let her be her as much as I possibly can. Sometimes I struggle with it if my needs aren't being met, and I'm learning a lot today, Juni. I really am. I'm so excited for that. My last question I have for you. If someone listening feels disconnected from their partner right now, what's the first step toward reconnection?
SPEAKER_02Ooh, that's a beautiful question. Um I again, I think the question like you brought up before about we we may not know what the other person wants unless they tell us. So to take a breath into what would connection look like for you? What might be one step? It doesn't have to be this dramatic big thing, like like I'll feel connected when he takes me away for a month to Jamaica, you know? It's like what might connection look like? And then maybe lean into that and having a conversation. And I really just want to say that we haven't been taught how to do this. We haven't been taught how to communicate in a safe way, in a way that doesn't trigger the person, where it doesn't, where we can share what's going on inside of us, where the other person can actually listen. It's one of my super skills that I've taught people. It it it I call it clean talk. It's like how to really share what's really moving through us in a way that they can go, oh, I've got it. So wherever anybody is, let's just take a breath into we haven't been taught how to do relationships well. We've witnessed shitty relationships and we've witnessed, you know, parents that did not know how to do it well and all that stuff. Um, and so we're learning, we're growing. So start with what would be a connection that would feel really good. And and then uh one of the things I also say a lot in my work is what's risky about that? Because it might be risky to say to your partner, I'm feeling a little disconnected, and I just would love a moment to just be with you. Can we just hold hands and look at each other in each other's eyes? Like that might be like, oh my God, that's so risky. And then to ask yourself, well, what might be scary about that? It's like, well, he might say no or or whatever, you know. So find something that doesn't feel so risky that you could live through if it doesn't happen. Find something that feels safe enough to ask for, um, and realize if you've been disconnected for a while, it might take some repairing because we a lot of relationships go over time before we finally get to the repair stage, which is sad, but it's not the end of it. We can start to repair anytime, so just start there. That's what I would say.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I mean I love that. And when you repair the relationship, a lot of times you're you're talking about one end of it and repairing the relationship and maybe scared to get rejected. But there's a other element of it as well, is I feel like maybe the other person, I think our audience thinks maybe the other person should go first because they were the ones that put us in this position. That's the story.
SPEAKER_02Yep, that's the story, that's the expectation. I've done all this, why doesn't he?
SPEAKER_01Exactly.
SPEAKER_02What do you want? What do you want? Do you really want to take your relationship to the next level? Do you really want that connection? Because if you do, you might need to make the move if you really want it. But if you want to stand on your, you know, die on that hill and kind of go, well, I'm right and he better do it. Then do you really want that repair? And as we're talking about repair and books, there is a book highly recommend called Us, US, um, by Terry Real. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. If you haven't read it yet, oh I I highly recommend it, Adam. It's it's amazing. Yeah, amazing for relationships because it really helps you see the dynamic between the two and repair and what's going on. It's brilliant. Start with mine first, though.
SPEAKER_00I love it. Now, Juni, if my audience wants to reach out with questions for you, they could do it on my website on the Managing Difficult People Podcast.com. But if they want to directly contact you, what's the best way they can do so?
SPEAKER_02Just go to my website. It's called midlife love.com. And uh and there's a lot of resources.
SPEAKER_00Say it one more time. Say it one more time. Someone just grab the pen.
SPEAKER_02All right, midlife m as in money, I d l i f E. Midlife Love Outloud.com. And there's my podcast, there's you know, articles, there's a lot of good stuff, including a quiz, a two-minute quiz. It's mostly geared toward women that are starting over. But if you're a woman and you're wondering if you're ready for a relationship, take the quiz. It's very revealing.
SPEAKER_00Amazing. Thank you, Juni, for being here today. I'm so grateful for this opportunity. You are amazing. And till next time, everyone, on the Managing Difficult People Podcast.
SPEAKER_01So that's it for today's episode of the Managing Difficult People Podcast. Head on over to Apple Podcasts or iTunes wherever you listen and subscribe to the show. One lucky listener every single week that posts a review on Apple Podcasts or iTunes will win a chance in the grand prize drawing to win a $10,000 private VIP day with Adam Holbrook himself. Be sure to head on over to Managing Difficult People Podcast dot com and pick up a free copy of Adam's gift. And join us on the next episode.