"I'm Spiritual But Not Religious" — The Response That Actually Works

When someone says "I'm spiritual but not religious," the typical Christian response is to defend church attendance and institutional structures. But that rarely works—and it misses the real problem.

The person who rejects "religion" isn't just avoiding hypocrisy or legalism. They're creating a spirituality that never challenges them. A mirror of self instead of a relationship with God. An isolated faith that contradicts the very image of God—who exists eternally in community as Father, Son, and Spirit.

In this episode, we unpack what people really mean when they say "spiritual but not religious," why individualized spirituality is both theologically flawed and practically impotent, and most importantly—the evangelistic response that actually works.

👉 Ready to serve in ministry? Get trained and deployed at CentralBibleInstitute.org

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

You cannot become like Jesus by yourself.

SPEAKER_01 0:02

If your spirituality never makes you uncomfortable, it's not biblical spirituality.

SPEAKER_00 0:07

The person who says, I don't need the church has already created a church of one and made themselves the pastor.

SPEAKER_01 0:14

True spiritual growth requires the friction, forgiveness, and grace that only happens when you're in close proximity to messy real people.

SPEAKER_00 0:22

The best response to I'm spiritual but not religious isn't really a debate, it's an invitation to dinner. Welcome to Off the Sidelines, a podcast from Central Bible Institute, the deployment center at Central Church, where we equip believers to move from watching ministry to doing ministry. All of our service is rooted in the gospel. We love because Jesus first loved us, and we serve because Jesus first served us. I'm Greg Sucert.

SPEAKER_01 0:47

And I'm Brianna Sucert, and today we're tackling one of the most common responses you'll get when you try to share your faith. Oh, I'm spiritual, but not religious.

SPEAKER_00 0:55

And if you've ever heard that and thought, great, now what do I say? This episode is for you. Because the knee-jerk Christian response is often to get defensive about the institutional church, and that rarely works.

SPEAKER_01 1:08

Right. We end up arguing about why church attendance matters or why you need accountability or why organized religion isn't the enemy. And the person just shuts down.

SPEAKER_00 1:16

So today we're going to decode what spiritual but not religious actually means, why it's flawed, and most importantly, the response that actually works.

SPEAKER_01 1:26

Let's start by understanding what people mean when they say, I'm spiritual but not religious. Because if we don't understand what they're actually saying, we're going to respond to the wrong thing.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

Exactly. When someone says this, here's what they usually mean. I believe in the supernatural.

SPEAKER_01 1:49

And honestly, I get it. A lot of people have been hurt by the church. They've seen leaders fail morally, they've experienced legalism, or they've just felt like church was more about performance than actual transformation.

SPEAKER_00 2:00

Totally. And we live in a highly individualized culture where people want to curate their own spirituality like a Spotify playlist. You take a little Buddhism here, some Jesus there, maybe some new age mindfulness, whatever feels right to you.

SPEAKER_01 2:16

The slogan is basically Jesus is cool, but the church is not.

SPEAKER_00 2:20

Right. And here's the problem we need to address. This sounds humble on the surface, like I'm just on my own spiritual journey, man, but it's actually deeply flawed.

SPEAKER_01 2:30

Because when you reject religion, meaning the organized, structured, committed life of the church, you're basically saying, I want a spirituality that never challenges me.

SPEAKER_00 2:39

Exactly. If your spirituality is just you and God with no other people, no authority structure, really no scripture to submit to, then your God is really just a projection of yourself.

SPEAKER_01 2:53

Yeah, it's like having a mirror instead of a relationship.

SPEAKER_00 2:56

That's a great way to put it. And the danger is this you'll never grow. Because real spiritual growth requires something outside of yourself to confront your sin, your selfishness, and your blind spots.

SPEAKER_01 3:09

So let's talk about what the Bible actually says about spiritual growth and community. Because scripture is crystal clear. Isolated spirituality is not biblical spirituality.

SPEAKER_00 3:19

Let's start with Dietrich Bonhoeffer. In his book Life Together, he writes this about Christian community. Quote, the Christ in one's own heart is weaker than the Christ in the word of another Christian.

SPEAKER_01 3:32

That's such a powerful statement. What does he mean when he says that?

SPEAKER_00 3:35

He means that when you're struggling with sin, when you're doubting God's promises, when you're spiritually weak, you cannot rely on your own internal sense of God's presence. You need another believer to speak God's word to you.

SPEAKER_01 3:48

Because our hearts are deceitful, right? I mean, Jeremiah 17.9 says, the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately sick. Who can understand it?

SPEAKER_00 3:57

Exactly. Left to ourselves, we will always drift toward a version of God that excuses our sin and affirms our preferences. That's why Bonhoeffer says Christians need other Christians, quote, as bearers and proclaimers of the divine word of salvation.

SPEAKER_01 4:14

And this is where the spiritual but not religious mindset breaks down. Because if you're only accountable to yourself, your spirituality will never actually challenge you.

SPEAKER_00 4:22

Right. Bonhoeffer calls this the danger of wishful dreaming, where people can enter into Christian community with an idealized image of what they think it should be, rather than receiving it as the reality God has created.

SPEAKER_01 4:37

And when that idealized image gets shattered, which it always does, people either grow through it or they bail.

SPEAKER_00 4:43

Exactly. And the ones who bail often say, Well, I don't need the church. I can have my own personal relationship with God.

SPEAKER_01 4:50

But that's the illusion. Because what Bonhoeffer is saying is you need the friction, you need the messiness, you need other believers speaking truth into your life, even when, especially when it's uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_00 5:02

And here's where theology comes in, because the reason we need community isn't just practical, it's rooted in who God is.

SPEAKER_01 5:09

Let's talk about God's incommunicable attributes. What does that mean?

SPEAKER_00 5:13

Great question. The incommunicable attributes are the characteristics of God that he does not share with human beings. They highlight the creator-creature distinction. God is fundamentally different from us in many ways. What are some of the ways? Well, there are characteristics like his independence, his immutability, his eternality, and the reality that he is all-present, all-knowing, and all-powerful.

SPEAKER_01 5:38

Amen. God has qualities we will never have, though we like to think we do.

SPEAKER_00 5:43

So true. God is not like us. He is self-existent. He doesn't depend on anyone or anything outside of himself. In Exodus 3.14, God reveals his name as I am who I am. He simply is. He exists by his own power.

SPEAKER_01 6:00

And we are the exact opposite. We are completely dependent creatures. We can exist apart from God.

SPEAKER_00 6:05

Right. God is the highest authority, but we are not. And here's the thing: when someone says, I'm spiritual but not religious, they're often trying to create a spirituality that demands authority that they don't have, that that demands independence, and that doesn't depend on God, that doesn't depend on community, that doesn't depend on scripture, and doesn't depend on the church that God has given us.

SPEAKER_01 6:28

And ultimately, that's plain God, because only God is independent. We are creatures, we are dependent by design.

SPEAKER_00 6:34

Exactly. And this is why the individualized spirituality of our culture is so dangerous. It's essentially saying, I can define God on my own terms and I can grow spiritually without needing anyone else.

SPEAKER_01 6:47

But God Himself exists in community, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The Trinity is eternal relationship. Three persons who share one nature and who eternally love one another.

SPEAKER_00 6:57

Right. And that's so amazing. Not only do we depend on God as our highest authority and the structures that he gives for our growth, but we also share this attribute of relational love. And that's because God made us in his image.

SPEAKER_01 7:19

So isolated spirituality isn't just impractical, it's contrary to the image of God.

SPEAKER_00 7:24

And here's where we need to call out a major contradiction. You can't say, I love Jesus, but I don't love the church. Why not? Because what did Jesus love? Jesus loved his church. Ephesians 5.25 says, Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. She's the bride that he laid down his life for.

SPEAKER_01 8:00

What about people who say, Well, I love Jesus. I just want life to be me and the Bible alone.

SPEAKER_00 8:05

That doesn't fly either, because the Bible is always going to call us into community. You can't just be alone with your Bible without ever being challenged by the Bible to enter community. Because what does the Bible point us to? It points us to being members of one body. Exactly. Romans 12.5 says, We, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another. We actually belong to one another, and we're not to neglect the gathering of the saints. That's what Hebrews 10.25 says.

SPEAKER_01 8:34

And that's not because of control, it's because of freedom.

SPEAKER_00 8:36

Right. We actually find freedom in community because we're stronger together. We have different skills, different giftings, and different grace given to us by the measure of the Holy Spirit. And as we're each functioning, doing our part, we become something greater together than we could ever be on our own. First Corinthians 12 talks about this. We're different parts of the same body. The eye can't say to the hand, I don't need you. We need each other.

SPEAKER_01 9:02

So if someone's really saying, I love Jesus, but I hate the church, or I just want to be alone in my Bible, what are they really saying?

SPEAKER_00 9:09

I would really challenge that person. Are you really born again? Because if you're truly born again, the Spirit of God is in you. And the Spirit produces love, love for God and love for others. First John 4 20 says, If anyone says I love God and hates his brother, he is a liar. And that's strong language. It is, but it's true. You cannot love Jesus and hate his bride. You cannot claim to follow the Bible and ignore what the Bible says about community. These arguments don't fly.

SPEAKER_01 9:37

So where does that leave us in terms of how the church should function?

SPEAKER_00 9:40

Well, let's look at God's immutability. He is unchanging. In Malachi 3.6, God says, I the Lord do not change.

SPEAKER_01 9:48

But we are constantly changing. We're inconsistent, we're fickle, we drift.

SPEAKER_00 9:52

Right. And that's why we need the structure of the church. Because again, God is God, He does not change, He has all authority. We are not Him. We are dependent on His authority and we change all the time. Our hearts wander. So we need regular rhythms to keep our heart and pull our heart back towards God. Our wandering hearts adrift. We need community to pull us back. That's why we need weekly worship. That's why we need weekly accountability, weekly discipleship, because left to ourselves, we drift.

SPEAKER_01 10:22

The spiritual but not religious person says, I don't need those structures. I'll just follow the spirit wherever he leads.

SPEAKER_00 10:28

But that's not how the spirit works. The spirit uses means.

SPEAKER_01 10:35

And those means require structure. They require religion in the good sense of that word.

SPEAKER_00 10:39

Exactly. And this is where Timothy Keller's insight from center church is so helpful. He says the church is both an organism and an organization.

SPEAKER_01 10:49

What does he mean by that?

SPEAKER_00 10:50

It means the church is a living, spirit-filled movement. That's the organism part. But it also has structure, authority, and order. That's the organization part.

SPEAKER_01 11:01

So you can't have one without the other.

SPEAKER_00 11:03

Right. Keller says an organism needs a skeleton to survive. Without structure, the movement dissipates. Without the spirit, the structure becomes dead religion.

SPEAKER_01 11:15

So the spiritual but not religious crowd wants the organism without the organization.

SPEAKER_00 11:19

Exactly. They want the life, the freedom, the spontaneity, but they don't want the commitment, the authority, and the accountability.

SPEAKER_01 11:26

But you can't have one without the other.

SPEAKER_00 11:28

No, and here's the key: the same spirit who generates spontaneous, explosive ministry and growth is also the one who gives gifts of governance and leadership. Ephesians 4.11 outlines this. It lists apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, and teachers. These are roles with authority in the local church.

SPEAKER_01 11:46

So the spirit himself creates both a dynamic movement and the institutional structure.

SPEAKER_00 11:50

Exactly. And when the early church exploded with growth, what did Paul do? In Acts 14.23, it says he appoints elders in every town. He didn't just let the organic movement run wild, he established structure.

SPEAKER_01 12:03

Because structure protects the movement.

SPEAKER_00 12:05

Right. Without elders, without teaching authority, without church discipline, the church would have drifted into heresy and chaos.

SPEAKER_01 12:12

So religion, in the sense of organized, structured church life, isn't the enemy of authentic spirituality, it's the protector of it.

SPEAKER_00 12:19

So here's the question. When someone tells you I'm spiritual but not religious, what do you say?

SPEAKER_01 12:24

And the answer is not simply, well, actually, the Bible commands church attendance and you're being disobedient.

SPEAKER_00 12:29

Right. That's not wrong, but we can do more. Because remember, the person has already rejected institutional Christianity. So you're not going to win them back with an argument about church polity.

SPEAKER_01 12:38

So what's the response that actually works?

SPEAKER_00 12:41

Jeff Vanderstiel in his book Saturate gives us the answer. Don't just argue, invite. Invite them into what? Into a counter-cultural community, into the everyday stuff of life. Show them what it looks like when a group of people actually tries to follow Jesus together.

SPEAKER_01 12:58

So instead of defending the institution, you invite them to experience the reality.

SPEAKER_00 13:02

Exactly. Vanderselt says, Jesus discipled his followers while they experienced life together in community. It wasn't a one-on-one Bible study. It was shared meals, shared mission, shared burdens.

SPEAKER_01 13:15

And that's what the spiritual but not religious person is missing. They think they can have intimacy with God without intimacy with God's people.

SPEAKER_00 13:22

But 1 John 4 20 says, if anyone says, I love God and hates his brother, he is a liar. For he who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.

SPEAKER_01 13:34

So your love for God is demonstrated in your love for his people.

SPEAKER_00 13:37

Exactly. And here's what's beautiful about this. When you invite someone into authentic Christian community, they see something they can't get anywhere else.

SPEAKER_01 13:45

What's that?

SPEAKER_00 13:46

People who are radically different, different ages, different backgrounds, different politics, loving each other sacrificially because of Jesus. That's the apologetic. Right. Jesus said in John 13, 35, by this all people will know that you are my disciples if you have love for one another.

SPEAKER_01 14:06

So the best argument for the church isn't a theological debate, it's a living, breathing community.

SPEAKER_00 14:11

Exactly. And here's the practical step. When someone says, I'm spiritual but not religious, your response should be something like this. I totally understand why you've given up on the institution. A lot of people have been hurt by the church, and I get that. But true spirituality is about love. And you can't learn to love in isolation. You can't learn to love in a vacuum. Love requires a beloved and the lover. So come on over for dinner this week. Let me introduce you to my community. Let me introduce you to real Christian love. Let me show you what it looks like when we try to follow Jesus together.

SPEAKER_01 14:45

And Greg, this is exactly why our small group ministry is so important here at Central Church.

SPEAKER_00 14:50

Absolutely. We really labor to cultivate small groups where love and authenticity abound. And it's not just for the sake of having nice gatherings.

SPEAKER_01 14:58

Think about it this way. When we encounter people in our communities, in our workplaces, who say, I want to be spiritual, but I don't want the church. We can say, you know what? Come have a taste with me. Come to our small group. And they can experience the love of Christ in community.

SPEAKER_00 15:12

Exactly. That is so powerful. Think about that. The reason we fight for love to abound in our small groups isn't just so that every member is cared for, though that's vitally important.

SPEAKER_01 15:22

There's a missional purpose too.

SPEAKER_00 15:24

Yes. It's so that people who question the church, people who've been burned, people who say, I'm spiritual but not religious, they can actually have a foretaste of life-changing biblical community where the love of Christ abounds.

SPEAKER_01 15:37

So every healthy small group becomes an apologetic.

SPEAKER_00 15:40

That's exactly right. When you're in a small group where people are authentically loving each other with the love of Christ, confessing sin to each other, bearing each other's burdens, saying the gospel that our burdens have been paid for and our burdens are carried by the blood of Jesus. When we pray for one another, you have something special to invite people into.

SPEAKER_01 16:00

And it's not theoretical, it's real.

SPEAKER_00 16:02

Right. You're not saying, well, the Bible says you should love community. You're saying, come and see what this actually looks like. Come, taste and see that the Lord is good.

SPEAKER_01 16:11

And that's so much better than a lecture.

SPEAKER_00 16:13

Right, because what you're doing is acknowledging their hurt, validating their concern, but then offering them something real. And if they say yes, then you let the community do the work. You let the power of the Holy Spirit through the love of his people do the work. You let them see what Bonhoeffer calls spiritual love. Love that comes from Jesus Christ, not from emotional affinity.

SPEAKER_01 16:36

What does that look like?

SPEAKER_00 16:37

Bonhoeffer says, spiritual love does not desire, but rather serves. It's not about what do I get out of this relationship? It's about how can I serve you because of what Christ has done for me.

SPEAKER_01 16:49

That's radically different from the world.

SPEAKER_00 16:51

Completely. The world's version of community is I'll be around you as long as you meet my needs. But Christian community says, I'll be committed to you even when it's costly, because Christ was committed to me when I was his enemy.

SPEAKER_01 17:05

And when a spiritual but not religious person sees that, it's compelling.

SPEAKER_00 17:08

Exactly. Because they realize I can't manufacture this on my own. I can't find this kind of love within myself. This requires something outside of me. This requires the gospel. This requires the love of Jesus Christ. Men, here's the challenge for you. You need to take initiative and building gospel-centered community. Don't wait for someone to invite you into their life. You invite them. Open up your home. Create regular rhythms, like a standing weekly dinner, where your door is consistently open. And be intentional about who you invite, not just Christians, but also people who consider themselves to be spiritual but not religious. And in this space, life happens together. You eat, you talk about real things, you pray for each other. And when conflict or difficulty arises, because it will, you model what repentance and forgiveness actually looks like. And this isn't a polished, Instagram-worthy gathering. It's messy, it's real, and that's what biblical community is meant to be. That's what your small group is meant to be. And that's exactly what people need to see, especially those who consider themselves spiritual but not religious. That person who's been burned by inauthenticity. They need to see Christians who actually live out what they believe, not just talk about it. And that requires vulnerability. Men, you need to be willing to say, I don't have it all together. I messed up this week. I need God's grace. That's the kind of leadership that draws people in.

SPEAKER_01 18:26

And ladies, I think our role is to create environments where spiritual conversations happen naturally. And often that's through hospitality, through meals, through play dates, through coffee. Women are often wired to nurture relationships, and that's a gift. So use that gift to invite people into your life. It means when you meet a mom at the park who says, I'm spiritual but not religious, you don't argue with her. You say, That's interesting. I'd love to hear more about your spiritual journey. Want to grab coffee this week? Then you listen. You ask questions and you share your own story. Not in a preacher way, but in a here's what Jesus has done in my life way. Then you invite her into community. Maybe that's a weekly small group with other women. Maybe it's a serving opportunity. But the point is you're showing her that faith isn't a solo journey. The principle is this: don't just argue, invite.

SPEAKER_00 19:13

Alright, here's the challenge for everyone this week. Think of one person in your life who would describe themselves as spiritual but not religious.

SPEAKER_01 19:20

Maybe it's a coworker, a neighbor, or a family member.

SPEAKER_00 19:23

And instead of trying to win an argument with them, invite them into something, a meal, a gathering, a community event with your small group.

SPEAKER_01 19:31

And when you invite them, use language like this. I know you're on a spiritual journey. I'd love for you to meet some of my friends who are also trying to figure out what it means to follow Jesus. No pressure, just come and see what it's like.

SPEAKER_00 19:41

And then let the community do the work. Let the Holy Spirit flowing through his people do the work. Let them see the love, the authenticity, the grace.

SPEAKER_01 19:50

Because that's the apologetic. Not our arguments, but our love.

SPEAKER_00 19:53

Exactly. And here's the thing. Even if they don't come to faith immediately, you've planted a seed. You've shown them that Christian community is not what they thought it was.

SPEAKER_01 20:02

And who knows, maybe six months from now, when they're going through a hard time, they'll remember that invitation and they'll come back.

SPEAKER_00 20:08

Right. So the goal isn't to win a debate. The goal is to love them well and invite them into something real.

SPEAKER_01 20:15

We hope this episode has been helpful in inspiring and equipping you to serve faithfully in whatever area God is calling you.

SPEAKER_00 20:20

None of our service is possible apart from the power of the Holy Spirit. He is the one who makes all the difference, and the Spirit is given freely to all who turn from their sin and trust in Jesus Christ alone, resting not in our performance, but in his finished work, his life, his death, his resurrection. If you're not sure that you've been born again, please reach out to us at centralchurch.com.

SPEAKER_01 20:41

And check out Central Bible Institute.org to see ways you can get trained and deployed for faithful ministry service.

SPEAKER_00 20:47

And speaking of getting equipped, our premarital mentoring training begins August 23rd, 2026. This is an eight-week class that will train and deploy you to do two-on-two premarital mentoring with couples who are seriously dating or engaged. This is an amazing opportunity for you and your spouse to learn how to invest in other couples, making disciples who are equipped to glorify God in their marriages. If what we've talked about today has stirred something in you, this is your next step. Head to central bibleinstitute.org to register.

SPEAKER_01 21:19

Thanks for listening to Off the Sidelines, a CBI podcast. And remember, you are not saved to sit.

SPEAKER_00 21:25

You were saved to serve.