Ep. 6 - Talkin' with Guests Jonathan and Anna (Part 2)

The Small Group is joined again by Benjamin's older brother Jonathan and his wife Anna who give their insights on parenting, focusing particularly on the subject of Baptism and navigating it with their kids. They discuss the importance of intergenerational relationships with the youth in church and their experiences on the challenges facing them today.  Anna hits a deer, and Lacey dives deep into their favorite starburst flavors. 

Thank you for joining in Small Group, and please feel free to participate with us by sending your thoughts, questions, or ideas by commenting, messaging, or by email (goat.bear.lobster@gmail.com). You can also reach out, and find out more about us, at our website: SmallGroupPodcast.wordpress.com. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:43

Well, I hope you like crappie. This is Small Group Podcast. I'm Benjamin Maxwell.

SPEAKER_05 0:49

I'm Lacey Maxwell.

SPEAKER_01 0:50

And we're so blessed to be joined again for a second episode with my big brother Jonathan and his wonderful wife Anna. And I didn't mention this last time. I don't know how I got through the episode without bringing this up, but they're more affectionately known in our house anyway as Bosco and Jamma. So welcome back, Bosco. And welcome back, Jamma.

SPEAKER_03 1:14

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 1:15

The baby can't say Bosco, though. She says Coco. Yeah, either, so I don't care. That baby calls me. I answer.

unknown 1:25

I don't care.

SPEAKER_01 1:26

One day she's gonna call, hey big man. Whatever.

SPEAKER_00 1:29

Hey big man. Hey, I I don't like that as much, but whatever.

SPEAKER_01 1:33

Well, we uh we had so much to talk to you guys about, and uh we're so thankful for that that you're willing to do another discussion with us.

SPEAKER_05 1:41

We're gonna dive a little more deep a little deeper tonight's episode, but before we do, I think today's icebreaker question is this is very important. What is your favorite Starburst flavor? Like what color? Pink. Thank you. That is the correct answer. That's the only right answer. Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:05

Pink. Yes. Is that strawberry?

SPEAKER_06 2:08

It's pink. It's pink, but it it's either strawberry, but they also have the pink watermelon ones. And then there's another pink one too. Really?

SPEAKER_05 2:18

Yeah. There's different shades.

SPEAKER_00 2:21

Yeah, yeah, because there's that's why I'm asking. Because there is like that.

SPEAKER_06 2:23

And they're all good. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:26

When I say dive deep, we are diving deep tonight, folks. Oh yeah. Because I like that one that's I mean, I I think you could say it's red, but it's not, it's kind of like our darker pink. It's the cherry one.

SPEAKER_06 2:40

Oh, that one's red, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 2:41

I don't know, because it's kind of pinkish looking. But it's darker pink thanks.

SPEAKER_06 2:46

It's red. It's red. It's red. There's pink and there's red. Those are just different cherry. And then there's a fruit punch one that's like a deep red color.

SPEAKER_01 2:55

Cherry's like the one flavor I don't.

SPEAKER_05 2:58

Cherry is like cough medicine. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:01

I just can't.

SPEAKER_00 3:02

Well you said for Starburst, it's different for other things. It's you know, you you have limited on a standard pack of Starburst, you basically only got what? Lemon, yeah, orange, strawberry, orange, and cherry.

unknown 3:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 3:16

No, you have four colors, isn't it? Yes, you have yellow, orange, pink, and red. There's not flavors. They're colors.

SPEAKER_01 3:25

It's Chris, it's given Christian name. You ever heard that one? It's government name. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:30

You know you're dealing with a cop when they come to the gas station and get a Gatorade and they say, I want lemon lime, and they don't call it by I want the yellow one. Yeah. Yeah. They call it by its government name. Dude's a cop, man.

SPEAKER_03 3:44

Well, thank God. The more you know.

SPEAKER_00 3:46

Yeah, well, you learn things in Decatur.

SPEAKER_01 3:51

Man. I don't know if I can go any deeper than where we were. We're a Giggles family around here. Giggles family.

unknown 4:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 4:02

There's a bug.

SPEAKER_01 4:04

My wife's also having an episode. She's speeding somebody up.

SPEAKER_00 4:08

I don't see them. Are you sure those were Skittles you ate?

SPEAKER_01 4:12

That's why we don't do the red ones.

SPEAKER_06 4:15

What's your favorite Skittle color then?

SPEAKER_00 4:17

Green Floppy.

SPEAKER_06 4:20

I like the green apple. Like your favorite?

SPEAKER_00 4:22

Yeah. Your standard skittles now. Now you got the tropical ones, the purple one. Those are all winners. The purple bag. What?

SPEAKER_01 4:31

Well, you say standard skills. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_00 4:35

Uh-oh, no, that's a thing, man. The red bag, the standard, your standard normal. Standard issue skittle? Yeah. No. MR. What kind of Skittles you get? The red bag. Now they may be in a white bag in an MRE, but it's the ones you find in a civilian red bag. I don't know if I've ever gotten Skittles in an MRE.

SPEAKER_06 4:54

He means business with his Skittles. You and your Skittles.

SPEAKER_00 4:57

Yeah, I knew when she said Skittles, I knew that was going to set Anna off because I have I have a uh deficiency about me where if I open you call it, you seem to act like a damaged. I just like so if I open a bag of MMs or I get a handful of MMs or a handful of Skittles, bag of Skittles.

SPEAKER_01 5:17

Sort them, right? I remember you doing this.

SPEAKER_00 5:20

And my wife thinks it's hilarious. Okay, so I got them all sorts of.

SPEAKER_01 5:26

No, no, no, no. It's fine. It's normal.

SPEAKER_00 5:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 5:29

I'll come over there and get them sorted and I missed them.

SPEAKER_00 5:33

Oh yeah. Okay. Before I married her, before I married her, I lived with him, and he did the same thing with my Legos, man. So I'd have my Legos and he got whooped for it. Don't trigger me about Legos. I have seen our grandfather give out one spanking and it was Henum. And it was because he stomped my Legos right in front of me.

SPEAKER_01 5:53

You want to know why? Okay, we're gonna open this can. You want to know why I stomped the Legos? I was the one that whenever I got a Lego set, I put the set together the way it was supposed to be put together, following the instructions. And then all my sets were over only like that once. So this one got a hold of them. And so yeah, you mess up my Legos, I'm gonna stomp on them.

SPEAKER_00 6:16

He his OCD, okay. So our our Lego culture clashed badly because his OCD, he had to follow the directions to the letter, get it done. I had to be as creative as humanly possible and push the barriers of physics and Lego structural integrity.

SPEAKER_05 6:32

Okay, I just love how a question about Star Wars turned into family therapy session. This is why we didn't get done in the first time. We're gonna have to set a timer when y'all do.

SPEAKER_00 6:48

Maybe you want to just ask questions. I'll shut up about Skittles.

SPEAKER_01 6:51

I I'm feeling a spin-off episode, spin-off show where we just air our grievances that we've been holding back.

SPEAKER_00 6:58

My bad.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

Well, let's get into baptism.

SPEAKER_00 7:01

Y'all want to start y'all start me on baptism. I'll drink coffee and listen.

SPEAKER_01 7:05

Since you uh since you brought up Legos, let's talk about baptism for a minute. So uh one thing we didn't get into the last episode, we uh we really want to talk to you guys about is we'll start off with parenting and then we want to get into you guys are like we I think we talked about last episode, the you're very involved in your in the congregation that you guys are part of in that youth group, and the and the youth that are there worshiping with you guys, uh you're heavily involved in that, always going somewhere, doing something with them. So we uh we have some questions for you about that, but but first more from a parenting standpoint, and this is something that's starting to come up a little more in our friend group as our kids are starting to get a little older, and you know, there's questions about baptism are are coming up, and you know, this is something that with Taylor and Sabrina we're gonna dive into soon on a full episode as far as what baptism is. But since we've got you guys here, be curious to know uh you've you have kids that have been baptized three now, and so you've navigated those waters and and just kind of like to hear from you on how you navigate those waters. How do you broach those subjects or when those subject when that subject gets broached by your children, how do you how do you initially handle that?

SPEAKER_06 8:22

I think one of the biggest things we didn't push and like we didn't even really bring it up like hey, are you thinking about doing this? We didn't do that, we just never had to you know, never have done that. And so, you know, that with they're raised in the church, they're hearing it. We know they're hearing it. We you know we'll even go over it some at home, you know, just in our everyday studies, but we didn't dwell on that because we don't want them to feel pressured. We want them to be doing it for the right reasons.

SPEAKER_01 8:59

Absolutely. To that point, real quick. I forgot to hit my button. I warned somebody off. Sorry, that was bothering me. I didn't hit my button before we dove in. I'm sorry, yeah. You're I I'm following you. I am listening.

SPEAKER_06 9:17

Yeah, so despite the air horns. They they all three came to us when they were ready.

SPEAKER_04 9:26

Right.

SPEAKER_06 9:27

You know, and the age, you know, obviously Jude Jude even said before, oh I want to do that. But you you have to make discernment, obviously. But when the girls came to us didn't go by the age.

SPEAKER_01 9:44

Well, what age were they when they first kind of brought it up?

SPEAKER_06 9:47

So Lorla was nine. Lizzie was seven. Almost eight.

SPEAKER_04 9:54

So Lizzie's more involved in her church.

SPEAKER_00 9:57

Lizzie's more involved in her church. No. There's an interesting instance with, but go ahead.

SPEAKER_06 10:03

Lucy was eleven.

SPEAKER_00 10:05

Yeah. And that was very recent. Very recent. Thank you for being there. Thank you for all that. Yeah, that was great. But a funny story about that, just real quick, you said Jude even talked about. So we got done, and we were or we were on our way, and everyone was heading towards the church building because it was super cold, or else we would have done it at the pool at uh her grandparents' house is an easy way to do it. But so we were headed for the Baptist church, and uh Jude's in the back. He said, I'm gonna get baptized too. Are you? He said, Yep, I can hold my breath real good.

unknown 10:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 10:46

That's called an extra baptism. Yeah, exactly. Super baptism. Buddy, I don't think this is everything you think it is. Oh, yeah, it is. I know it is. Which is a far cry from what he used to think because he when he was little, little Tyke would run up there and try to play around the baptistry, and I was afraid we were afraid he would. So Tom comes up, our preacher comes up with this great thing to tell him, hey, there's alligators in there. That's oh great, we'll never get him in there. That's a good strategy. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:14

Just hopefully he'll forget about the alligators and worry more about salvation than another good strategy is one that uh was kind of unintentional, the one we grew up with, where the waiters they hung the waiters on the back of the door. Listen, and every time you poke your head into the baptistry, you it looks like someone is hanging there, and it's scared. Here's the mess out of it.

SPEAKER_00 11:34

Here's the order of events. You go in there, you open that door. You don't know or you forget that the waiters are there until the boots hit the door and you turn around and there's feet and there's like a body hanging from the door, and you're like, oh no.

SPEAKER_01 11:48

Even when you know it's there, it still gets you. So I've I've always been terrified of baptistries. I don't know, you know, I'm scared to death.

SPEAKER_05 11:55

So um, okay, so when I was I was seven when I was baptized, and my little brother, who was five at the time, wanted to be baptized too. And so so my parents were trying to explain to him, you know, like not yet, we'll talk about it, all the things. Well, we were all in the living room one day, and he came down, he had taken a bath and he came down and he said, just wanted to let y'all know I baptized myself.

SPEAKER_01 12:24

Real quick, going back to Anna to your point, of and I love that idea of them coming to you, them letting them broach that subject. And and we're talking ages seven through eleven. And I'm sorry to put you on the spot. I'm I'm not really trying to, I'm just curious because do you ever think that there's a age maybe beyond that where if they haven't brought it up, where it becomes incumbent on you as a parent?

SPEAKER_06 12:49

Probably. It was funny because actually not long before Lucy came to us, Lorelai was in the car with me and I asked her, I said, has she said anything to you? You know, because I you know, you can kind of tell sometimes if they're thinking about it, but with Lucy, she's she she had brought it up once but didn't fully understand.

SPEAKER_00 13:12

As much as she talks and as much as she does communicate something, she'll pocket.

SPEAKER_06 13:16

Yes, and that's what she did. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:19

So she apparently had been thinking about it for a while, but well, I I mean, you know, I was I I don't know if you remember when we were kids, I was a tough nut to crack as far as that goes.

SPEAKER_04 13:30

I was I was almost fifteen and it was grandpa that got me because it was something I had wanted to do for a long time. I was so afraid to draw to draw attention to myself. And so he just one night it was just me and him and he said he asked me about it, he said, You ever thought about beef up? I said, Yes, sir.

SPEAKER_00 13:57

He said, You want to do that now? Your mother your mother's worried about you. Yes. And then the relief that I had, and I don't know why I felt like I had to wait for permission. And so taking that feeling, that's one of the things, that's one of the things I put in writing. And when we deal in the youth group with some more standoffish, more shy students, I'll make a deal with myself, hey look, here's my deal to you. When you're thinking about baptism and you know, I know how hard it can be to have the spotlight shone on you and you don't want the attention and you want I'll make this deal with you. If you ever reach that decision where you think it's time for you to be baptized, you just give me a signal, let me know. I will shut this down. We will uh we will drain this building. There won't be anyone in here. It'll be just you and your parents and anyone else you want. I'll make that deal to you. And I've had that taken up.

SPEAKER_01 14:59

Well what age what age group are you talking about?

SPEAKER_00 15:01

I'm talking about older it's like preteens kind of no full teen. Full teen, like 16, 17, that age range. That's right. Because once you get into the age range, I start to think this kid's probably geared like I was, and is scared to death. And that was the case, come to find out.

SPEAKER_01 15:20

That's a very interesting perspective because that we're wired differently. That whole idea of waiting for permission, is that's a I find it very interesting because that wasn't something I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 15:29

It wasn't really that I felt like I was waiting for permission. It was just like I was I just felt like I really who am I to bring all of this attention to myself. I shouldn't do that. And I was super shy at the time.

SPEAKER_01 15:43

I got over it, but and maybe maybe you fall in because like uh especially when you're as a kid, when you have like you're I guess heavy regulated, you have very you know we had a we had a many standards of things you do and things you don't do, and you kind of fall into that routine of doing as you're told, maybe baptism starts to become kind of like that, you know, where it's you don't you start to lack a little bit of intentionality. I'm not saying anything wrong with a a a standard like that, but you you what you don't what doesn't get fostered is that intentionality sense so much.

SPEAKER_00 16:20

Well in that and part of it was just being so shy to the point I didn't know how to ask. Because I didn't know how I I'm I'm one that's that finds a real it's real difficult for me to ask for help. It's real difficult for me to admit I need help because then I feel like I'm wrong and then let people down.

SPEAKER_03 16:40

He's still that way.

SPEAKER_00 16:42

She knows the score better than any.

SPEAKER_01 16:44

It's not your fault. Jonathan, it's not your fault.

SPEAKER_00 16:48

So is but yeah, it was more of a feeling of you know, I I I guarantee you I was ready for almost a smooth year before I was actually baptized, but I was terrified of the thought of having to ask, you know, or ha or telling someone, even mom and dad, and I feel I can tell mom and dad anything. Even at that age I did, but I was just like, I don't want to inconvenience people and I don't want and it really got down to kind of a dicey thing, like what you know, you know you're supposed to, but you should do this. And then I'm just like socially mortified. And you get you get students like that. Yeah. You get students like my lovely wife, we're two very different personalities, and it shines a lot more now. We're both better than we used to be as far as being outgoing, but she she would be more of the introvert versus my extrovert right now. But she was really really had a hard time with the introvert type stuff in like high school range and stuff. So those are the students that I look for for that kind of deal, you know, that that deal I'm talking about. You know, but we'll st me and you can study about it, and study with your parents about it. By all means study on your own about it. I give you some things to look at here. But you gotta keep it short, you gotta keep it sweet, and a lot of sometimes you gotta keep it in writing. Yeah. So I've sent that message on even Snapchat before, text message, and one I delivered to in person.

SPEAKER_04 18:31

And uh there was one camp. I I I I made him that deal.

SPEAKER_00 18:37

And two hours later, knock on the cabin door, and one of the butt one of his buddies comes in, hey, you need to come now. So and so's gonna take you up on a deal. He was standing, he was standing next to us when I was talking to, and he said, Go get Tom. I'm like, all right, is that who he wants? He said, Yep. So, well, his mama's gotta be here too, because she was there too. Yeah. His mama's gotta be here. That's my requirement. His mama's gotta be here, and I'll go get okay, we'll do this.

SPEAKER_01 19:08

So but and and you're talking, I guess, more uh along the lines of youth group. Yeah, and and I th I all that's great. And and I want to dive more into that. But before we do, I just kind of come back to as a parent and your child, yeah. Your kid comes to you, indicates in some way that they are at least thinking about it, or even that they want to be. What what do in your mind, what's one of the first things, what do you prioritize as far as your response? What are you trying to glean from them and whatever you ask, how do you ask it, stuff like that. What what's your what's your go-to in that situation?

SPEAKER_00 19:46

I can sum this up and then Anna will elaborate. I can sum this up into a one-word response that you give to the child.

SPEAKER_04 19:54

Why?

SPEAKER_06 19:57

Yes, they need to be able to tell you what they're doing and why.

SPEAKER_00 20:02

And that's that's as simple as it is because like what you were talking about, what Anna was talking about earlier about one of y'all mentioned siblings, oh, it was your brother, about siblings following in line because they saw the other sibling get baptized. Lizzie had a big case of that. Yeah. And she uh Lorelai got baptized, and almost immediately Lizzie said, I think it's time for me.

SPEAKER_04 20:30

I'm like, okay. So why?

SPEAKER_00 20:35

Well, because Lorelai did it. I was like, oh no. I said, That ain't gonna fly. Let's let's do some more studying. And we did.

SPEAKER_06 20:42

Or they could say something like, Well, because I need to. Yeah, because I need to. Why do you need to? You know.

SPEAKER_00 20:47

And that was one of her answers too. So with Lizzy, I'll just run through them all because I think this is what you're after. With Lorelai, Lorelai came to us. Lorelai knew, Lorelai had all her ducks in a row. She was very serious about it. Even at what was she nine? She was nine.

SPEAKER_01 21:05

And she's very genuine.

SPEAKER_00 21:06

You can tell like Lorelai's one of our biggest hearted, most honest people I've ever met. Not just because she's my kid. It's just, you know, Lorelai's telling you the truth. She's a bad liar. But Lorelai, you know, answered the questions, and here we go. This is time. And and that was the first one. And that was like, and I looked at it and I was like, wow, is this really happening? This is crazy. I bet that's gonna be a cra bizarre. Oh, the chills as a parent. The chills I got, man. It was wild. But so and then Lizzie comes along, I think it was even the same. She said, I think I need I'm like, why? Because Lord, I'm like, no, that's not the study. So what she studied. We studied and off and on for seven or eight months after that. It was almost a cool a cool year. Yeah. With Lizzie. And I was like, go read this. Let's let's look at this. Okay. Come back to me when you want to talk about it again.

SPEAKER_01 22:09

That sounds like more of my my how my path went too.

SPEAKER_00 22:11

Yes, yeah. And so we we we would be in my office and I would say, okay, let's look at this. We were we would read uh whatever we were reading at the time and talk about it.

SPEAKER_04 22:22

So what do you think this means? And uh she said, So am I ready? Why? Because it's the right thing to do.

SPEAKER_00 22:34

Okay, warmer, but why? Come back two or three months later. We were going to pick up pizza one night after Bible study at Marco's, and you know we had driven all the way to Hartzall, which was about 20, 25 minutes away from the church building, away from the house and everything.

SPEAKER_04 22:54

And Anna Anna goes in.

SPEAKER_00 22:56

Anna goes in to pick up the pizza and she gets to the door and Lizzie answers the question.

SPEAKER_04 23:04

She answers it right from the backseat. She leans, of course, she's behind me and she leans up and I said, Why? She said, Because I send and that's a bad thing. Oh, really? Yeah, I don't want I don't like that. I'm I'm ready.

SPEAKER_00 23:24

And I was like, and so I was like, oh, this is real, this is really real. I gotta get Anna out here with and so Anna made it to the door at Marco's, and I'm out there, I'm hanging out the window motioning, come on, come on, get in. She said, What's wrong? I said, We're gonna baptize Lizzie. Don't drop the pizza. So And then we're having pizza. Somehow we all got in the car with the pizza, and then Anna gets on the phone and starts calling grandparents and aunts and uncles and stuff. And so we say, Hey, I we we just left the church building, so are we going back to the church building? I don't know. What do you think? Is the pool open at Pops and DD's? Well, yeah. Okay, well, let's go for the pool. So can everyone meet at the pool? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:08

So we all meet at the pool, and that's where and so like uh you when you mentioned Loreline's path and and journey there, I I I felt like that moment where you go to baptize her is such a yeah, she's first one and yeah, and and here you are, it's such a surreal moment. Yeah. I well what I'm feeling with Lizzie is I mean, obviously when you go to physically baptize her, that's a big moment, but yeah, when it when after all of those talks and working with her, that moment where it clicks and you feel it click as a parent, well, that's gotta feel surreal as well.

SPEAKER_00 24:40

Anytime, and Mama can talk about this more, especially because she's their homeschool teacher full time. I'm only I'm only a part-time substitute when it comes to certain subjects. I'm a I'm a specialist. Um when you're teaching a kid, and I feel this way too with our our students in Bible class and everything with youth group, when you're teaching a concept and you go over it and you go over it, you think there's why am I doing this? And then they spout off something that they've learned from oh, six times seven. Yeah. Yeah. It's on my license plate, so don't forget. I was listen, listen, I was cool before it was cool, and now now that everyone knows I got it, it shouldn't be cool anymore.

SPEAKER_01 25:26

This is Bosco, Bosco's big emotional uh trauma of learning multiplication from a rocket scientist growing up.

SPEAKER_00 25:34

I told that man I didn't know that engineering stuff. And uh you'll never forget six times seven. But when I graduated from Bama, I had it put on my license plate.

SPEAKER_01 25:43

I gave him the old one. The craziest part of it is you know, six times seven is the one that gets all the credit, and 42 being the hitchhiker's guy, the galaxy pro the nerds.

SPEAKER_00 25:53

The answer to the question of the meaning of life. That's just the craziest thing to be is how that worked out. But yeah, that that's a whole nother thing we could talk a long time about. How many times 42 shows up in nature and and six and seven and Hebrew numerology and all that, and then I don't want to talk about it.

SPEAKER_05 26:10

So Lucy's Baptist. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:14

It's like a thank you. We're gonna stay on point. Coffee's running flip.

SPEAKER_01 26:17

Was there it was there something you were gonna add to to either one of those, Anna?

SPEAKER_06 26:23

I don't think so. I know when I came out of the pizza place for Lizzie, I was like, When when John told me, I was like, are you sure? Oh you sure straight? He was like, Yeah. Because she's seven, so you know you just have to you know and I was almost like, hey, watch this.

SPEAKER_00 26:38

Lizzie Y.

SPEAKER_06 26:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:40

So when she approached you, did she do it for your mom?

SPEAKER_01 26:42

She was six.

SPEAKER_06 26:45

No, she was seven. She was close to eight when she was that twice.

SPEAKER_04 26:50

Wow. I have man, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:57

Man, six. That's not that's just around the corner.

SPEAKER_06 27:01

Judith said in now.

SPEAKER_01 27:03

Yeah. So it's a case-by-case determination. It absolutely is.

SPEAKER_00 27:11

Say no more. It absolutely is because all kids are different, and especially you know, the divide between boys and girls. Yeah. Girls mature a whole lot faster most times. And but yeah, I think it's gonna be a little while for my boy. I love him, but we we gotta we gotta get some other concepts figured out, like not sitting in the floor under the pew during Yeah, we ain't ready yet.

SPEAKER_01 27:37

But once you master where to sit in church, then we'll move on.

SPEAKER_06 27:42

I think that could be the hard part too, if the other people will be like Yeah. Have an opinion about the age. Yeah. But you have to be careful not to let that play a part. Right.

SPEAKER_01 27:54

And it's just somebody knows about that individual soul, treating your kid as a soul. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_06 27:59

If they know and you don't let them do what is right. Right. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 28:05

Well, that's part of the why. That's very important. If they can tell if they can tell you, that means they know. And if they know, that means they they want to do something about it.

SPEAKER_01 28:13

And because what we're talking about here is, you know, that whole when they come to you, what's your response? Because it's it's a personal decision on their part. Absolutely. So your role there is really it's not to be a barrier, it's to be kind of a kind of like a filter, yeah, facilitator as far as just you don't want them to abuse the yeah, this act, and which I know we haven't really got the we won't on this episode dive much into what is baptism because that's a big part of this, but that whole of of walking that line of not being a roadblock, but like you said, a facilitator. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:48

Because the last thing you want to do, there's dire warnings about making a little one stumble. Exactly. That's a good thing. Uh now that I'm on this side of the ball and I am a Christian and I have been baptized and I am walking the way I'm walking, my job now is to help others walk and enable that in any way I can. One of those ways is helping, because when you're a you're a little kid, you can have big feelings and you sometimes can't figure it out. Yeah. And helping them sort that out sometimes is one of the it's it's my honor. I know it's Anna's too. We've had some long, lengthy discussions with some youngins. Brings you closer to them too. It really does. It does. Because once they feel like they can come to you for the little things, they come to you for the big things. Yeah. And that's an honor for me and for Anna. And we're we we tell our guy our kids all the time, hey, look, anytime you gotta talk about something. I don't care what time it is. And some of us have taken us up on that.

SPEAKER_01 29:46

But well, real quick, you referenced, you know, I think you were referencing Jesus' the verse where Jesus is warning, you know, causing don't if you cause these these children, these young uh people to to stumble or become any kind of stumbling block, uh, was it a millstone? Well, yeah, it's better that a millstone tied around your neck and you have that that verse. I will I want to sprinkle in another one. I was just reading, forget which letter, I think it was Paul one of Paul's letters to either Timothy or Titus, where he is he's saying, remember those examples of faith. Remember these people who are such a good example, uh a strong example for you. And kind of what you're describing is where you're at in life is I mean, and I'm not saying that's your priority of approach. Yeah, I I think the priority of what you mentioned, what Jesus' words, I think, is a probably a stronger priority to come from, not necessarily of I want to be an example, that's secondary, I think uh it's a it's a a fruit of of following Jesus' words. But you when you look when you you we can think of all those intent uh uh influence influences in our life who have been examples of faith, but sometimes it's hard to turn that corner to where you start to think of yourself as I need to start being an example of faith.

SPEAKER_00 31:07

Well, one of the things that I've learned over the last switching patches my next patch on hey patches I'm just a servant. Yes, and I've learned from the best servant. So the example comes not from me trying to be an example, but the example will come from serving the way I'm supposed to serve.

SPEAKER_04 31:31

And you know if you serve the way you're supposed to serve, then people will see that light, but you will be that salt that you're supposed to be.

SPEAKER_00 31:42

And that's where the example comes in. Not that I not that you should stress to be the example and that's your goal. Right. You you be a servant and the rest will follow.

SPEAKER_01 31:51

But I think you can at least be mindful of that.

SPEAKER_00 31:53

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:54

Especially when you have your own examples of sure, sure, sure. Yeah. But I I'm with you.

SPEAKER_00 31:59

Discernment, definitely, but but the majority of it comes from being a servant and the example stuff just kind of happens.

SPEAKER_01 32:06

It's like the harder you try to be that example, the at least in my experience, the further away you get from that. So it's like, but I think, yeah, I'm more. Well you lose the focus, yeah. I I agree with where you came from of that standpoint of that that very direct and severe warning from Jesus himself, you know. Oh, yeah, very much.

SPEAKER_05 32:25

Well, and I do love how you said that you don't want to pressure them. Because like I've heard of, you know, people are like, oh, they're getting to the age of accountability, which is its own separate conversation.

SPEAKER_01 32:38

Yeah, that ain't a number.

SPEAKER_05 32:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:40

Like you brought up grandpa, our grandfather being a big influence on you, you know, that approach. It worked on you, and it was beautiful. Yeah, I that that approach could also backfire in a different wrong situation.

SPEAKER_00 32:53

Absolutely. And you know, I I get to thinking the way he did approach that. I think in some of those kids that I have that are gunshot.

SPEAKER_01 33:00

Boy, that would have scared them to death.

SPEAKER_00 33:02

But that's my grandfather. I uh I knew he didn't know anything but direct. Yeah. So there was never a bush that's like you did it. There was never a bush that he beat around. He just plowed through the whole thing with a bush uh bush hogs. What bush? Yeah. Did y'all see a bush? I didn't see it. But no, yeah, you can definitely spook a shy one real bad if you're not careful.

SPEAKER_01 33:25

And real quick, Lucy's story. Yeah, Lucy.

SPEAKER_04 33:28

We've we've interrupted you too many times.

SPEAKER_00 33:30

No, you're good. So Lucy helped me out with Lucy.

SPEAKER_06 33:35

That was I just I don't know. I was on the other side of the house. Remember? And then I came in there and she's in your lap crying, and I was like, what is going on?

SPEAKER_03 33:44

All right. I was like, what's wrong? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:46

Okay. I couldn't remember where you were at, and then so you were you were in the like in the laundry room.

SPEAKER_06 33:52

No, I was towards our room.

SPEAKER_00 33:53

Our room. Oh. So we had just gotten back from it was was it like a Sunday night Bible study or something?

SPEAKER_04 34:01

We had come back from something at church. I wanna say it was something like that.

SPEAKER_00 34:08

Anyway, we got back from that and we were doing our usual Sunday night getting ready for Monday.

SPEAKER_06 34:15

It was the night I hit the deer.

SPEAKER_00 34:17

Oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah, I remember now. Yeah. So here's the thing. That was an eventful day. I forgot about that.

SPEAKER_01 34:25

We gotta start videotaping these episodes.

SPEAKER_00 34:28

The light bulb went off. We have too many kids for me to remember. I remember exactly now where we were at and what we were doing. So that was that was the night we did the big we got the youth group together and we invited we had the area wide devotional union, which is the congregation that I serve as a deacon and that we worship with. And so we had more than 300 and well, they started stopped counting, 330 kids. Yeah. Yeah. Come in. And so we had all these kids from all the area congregations, and we had ordered like 50 pizzas, hoping that was gonna be enough. So Anna and Pizza's a key part of all of this. That's the lynch bin. I told you I know how to order pizza, yeah. Between my kids and my extra kids. You better best believe it. Yeah. We're going down to the Gulf, right now. Listen, if we ain't gonna have Bible studying pizza, I don't want no part of it. So maybe even singing a little bit. So anyway, we had all these kids from the area wide, and Anna and Laura go to pick up all the pizzas because we're kind of working in the background. We got uh some other guys, we got a guy from another congregation that came and preached and spoke to the kids in the auditorium, and then we had another guy singing and all that. So my duties were behind behind the scenes, get ready for all these kids to come swarming over and hungry and their chaperones too. And uh, so the parking lot's full of buses and full of cars, just that past capacity, and our our normal members are all looking around like this is the most people we've ever seen. Yeah, I'm like, yeah, there more showed up than I thought was going to. He said prepare for 200. We had 300 and anyway. So Anna and Lorelai went to get the pizza. Well, Anna sends the text. All good, we got the pizza because we'd had some trouble trying to get our order going. All good, got the pizzas on our way. Good. So I'm in the fellowship hall with my team, fixing the get ready for Aunt Miss Anna to get there with the pizzas. Well, I get a my phone starts ringing and it's Anna. I'm like, this can't be good. She just told me everything was good. This can't be good. I answer the phone and I hear I said, What? What's going on?

SPEAKER_01 37:06

Oh, I can just imagine how you're panicking.

SPEAKER_00 37:08

Oh, I am. I'm freaking out. I'm like, I'm I'm I'm headed to my control. I'm headed to my truck to leave. And I in the background, because it's on speakerphone, I hear Laura like mom hit a deer, we're fine.

SPEAKER_04 37:21

So I'm like, all right, so what is it mad?

SPEAKER_06 37:29

I'm someone that will remain calm when it happens. Yeah, and I'll get us, I got us off the road, and then I freak out after that.

SPEAKER_00 37:40

And I'm like, okay, I'm coming to you, or can you still drive? And it was and Coral's like, yeah, we're moving. We're we're I think we're slow, I think we'll be able to.

SPEAKER_06 37:50

The deer was still in the road.

SPEAKER_00 37:51

The deer was in the road, and the guy unfortunately stopped and helped her and all that, and so she got moving again, and so they're headed to the to the fellowship hall, and I'm standing there with my guy, my group, and I'm like, Y'all, Miss Anna hit a deer. And of course, two of the guys are like, Where's it at? I'm gonna go I'm did she put it in the car, or I need to go harvest it. You you go look, I'm mad at it. So she pulls, all right. So we've got more people coming in the parking lot, and here comes this busted up expedition around the corner. The front end's gone, y'all. The grill's gone down to the radiator. There's pieces pulled back, there's hide hanging out of the shards of grill left. She pulls up to the fellowship hall, and I come out with my jaw open, and people are coming out.

SPEAKER_04 38:45

What happened?

SPEAKER_00 38:46

She hit a deer.

SPEAKER_04 38:48

Oh, where's it at? I'll go get it. No, no.

SPEAKER_00 38:51

So we go out there. I go and console Anna. She's shaking and crying, and and I told Lorela who's indifferent to the whole matter because the piece is there, that's all she cares about. So I said, All right, you guys start making a train, start unloading pieces.

SPEAKER_06 39:07

So I get I mean, he literally opens my car door and I fall apart again. She did, yeah. He was so busy with me.

SPEAKER_00 39:13

She was mushy, and so I get her, and I think her dad came over there and helped take care of her. No, I didn't think. You connected with your dad, and he helped take care of you while I was trying to okay. So I had a train, I had a train of kids coming around the back of the car, getting boxes of pizza and going back in. I had my kids, my my personal children, coming across. All right, and I'm loading them up with pieces of the car that have come off. And it's like, go put this in the trunk. And so pizza comes out of the car, pieces of the car go in the trunk. So anyway, we got all the pizza in there, and so uh all of that to get home to Lucy. But so we had this big night, we had all these kids and they all come in the ante.

SPEAKER_06 39:54

Yeah, and I didn't even tell you this, but going through that, I was thinking that whole time, I just want to go home. I just want to go home, I just want to go home.

SPEAKER_00 40:03

She was over it, she was done. Yeah, yeah. And I'm so exhausted.

SPEAKER_06 40:06

Now I'm glad we stayed because obviously something there's a reason. It's wild looking back at it, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:12

Yeah, and you know, because she felt like that. I felt the same way just because of the city.

SPEAKER_01 40:16

Not even a deer can stop this train.

SPEAKER_00 40:17

That's right. The devil sent the deer, and we said, nah, not today. Send a butt. No. But so we got all that done, and so all the kids funnel in, all the hundreds of kids funnel in to get food. So me and another guy were we we break out into a singing that lasts for a while. So I'm exhausted. I'm ready to go home just because you know I'm I'm spiritually full and it's great, and I'm feeling great. Everything went well. It was everybody did great.

SPEAKER_01 40:49

The pizza survived.

SPEAKER_00 40:51

The pizza survived. The car did not, the pizza survived. And so we're all ready to go home. We're just all exhausted, and Anna's emotionally shot. You know, we're all done. So we get home, and I hadn't eaten because I when these things. Yeah, I didn't eat touch the pizza because that's for the kids. It's like a swarm of locusts coming in. We were barely we were barely getting my plus, I was so busy I didn't have time to eat. So I we get home and Anna's gone to the room to get all fixed and everything and ready for the night. Um I go to the kitchen to get some food, you know. And Lucy's in there and she's piddling around and she's messing with stuff. She's goofing around and she said And she Lucy's very jovial. You know, y'all know her. She's very jovial, she jokes around and she's like, I think I want to get baptized. And I'm like, okay. Because she's laughing kind of.

SPEAKER_03 41:50

And then she goes, And she started crying.

SPEAKER_00 41:54

And she started crying after that. I'm like, oh, she's not joking anymore. And so I, you know, auto dad hug and bring it in. I said, baby, you okay?

SPEAKER_04 42:03

She said, I think it's time. Okay. Why why? Now mind you, she's 11, so she's older than any of them so far. And she I said, why? And she nailed it on the head. Because of sins. And I I I'm I want to be baptized because of sin. Wash that away and all that.

SPEAKER_00 42:31

Wow, this didn't go past, this didn't go past the next stage. This yeah, well, this we're ending. And so I start hollering for Anna! Anna! So we're in the den and sitting on the no more. I'm dumb. We're we're on the den sitting in the couch. I'm not driving. I know.

SPEAKER_04 42:47

I'm seeing them crowded, and I'm just like, what the hell? Don't move me get back in the car.

SPEAKER_00 42:52

I'm sitting on the couch with Lucy's hands in my hands, and we're still talking. Lor big sisters are there. Laura lies behind her with her hand on her shoulder, and Lizzy Lizzie's got her hand on her shoulder. Y'all, that was the moment that was a moment I wasn't ready for. Yeah. Having the big sisters there behind her and being there. And I was like, oh, this is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. This is great. And so she We didn't have that when we were growing up. Oh no.

SPEAKER_04 43:18

We hushed.

SPEAKER_00 43:20

Uh and then so Anna comes in there and I said, I said, Lucy has something she wants to take care of tonight. And Anna almost knew immediately, you know, when I said that. So we told mama about it. So mama gets on the horn and starts we're trying to figure it out, and it's too cold for for the swimming pool, and so we're gonna have to go back down to the baptistry of the church building and all. And so that's when we FaceTime y'all and got everyone down there. But that was yeah, that was it was pretty straightforward for her.

SPEAKER_01 43:53

Three unique experiences from three sisters. Oh yeah. That's amazing.

SPEAKER_00 43:58

Yeah. Same same Family makeup things.

SPEAKER_01 44:02

Same approach from you. Yeah. As far as like initially. Yeah. Why? I think that I that's beautiful. I'm gonna borrow, I'm gonna steal that. It's simple. But even asking that led to three different situations, three scenarios. Very much one dead deer. Yeah, one dead deer. Fifty pizzas. Fifty pizzas. That's that's amazing. That's beautiful. And you've already kind of broached this to you know, talking about you know your approach to some of the older kids in in your youth group and everything. And you know, switching over to to that, maybe not necessarily regarding baptism, but just in your experiences, both of you, your experiences as like being I guess leaders really in in youth group especially, what are some of the biggest spiritual struggles that you've seen from from some of these kids? And don't you know be general where you want to be general and I yeah. But just if you were to look at, you know, today's youth in in church, what are some of the bigger struggles? Are they different from what we grew up with? Or you know, w w how would you classify it?

SPEAKER_06 45:14

Big one that's different is social media. A lot it can be used for great things, but for that age, yeah, there is a can be a whole lot of negatives with it.

SPEAKER_00 45:28

And yeah, peer pressure has always been around and bullying has always been around. But now it's at an undetectable the parent level sometimes. And these kids deal with things, and you know, there's there's a higher level of anxiety that we've picked up on with these kids than what we had when we were growing up, even. I mean, we had anxiety teenagers will teenagers struggle with all these things and it's new to them, and that's what makes it worse, I think. But what's worse is when it's new to them and it's new to everybody, like with social media, yeah. All these different ways to get divisive things to people.

SPEAKER_01 46:09

I've had a theory about social media, or I say a theory, I just an interesting take, because it's like when like Facebook is one of the big I mean, we grew up MySpace was big for a little while, and then Facebook took over. Before MySpace was live journal, if you really want to go deep. Yeah, we talked about when Facebook first came out. You had to have yeah, a college email to get in there. Facebook, you had to.

SPEAKER_00 46:32

Yeah, MySpace, yeah. I don't think you did.

SPEAKER_01 46:33

Right. But none of the parents really bothered with MySpace. No Facebook was very limited to our our generation, our group there at the beginning, and then they opened it up. And and so it's like we've already been through the as growing up, we've we've already learned through Live Journal, MySpace, Facebook, how to and we're still learning, don't get me wrong, but we've we've been able to develop a little more within how to act on social media and how to respond on social media, and then they open it up to our parents. Yeah, and it's like you know, like when you're growing up and you think back, and it's like your parents watch you through those awkward phases and do the stupid things you do as a kid, and so you have they always have that over you. It flips with social media as we've grown up now we're having to see our parents learn those lessons, and it's bizarre how it's flipped it on its head of the you know, the commercials poke fun at it. That's not how it works, that's not how this works. And you you see how how you know, just it's almost like you I you see your kid do something and it's kind of cringy. It's so much more bizarre when it's your parent doing something that's cringy and they're still learning how to use it, you know, it's still growing. They're they're like teenagers.

SPEAKER_00 47:48

You have to be like, hey, hey folks, no, don't don't share that on Facebook. Trump didn't really write a line and this isn't a private message, yeah. You're putting this out for everybody. Yeah, this is AI, this isn't real, you gotta quit sharing that.

SPEAKER_01 48:01

But it's really changed the dynamic, I think, and in really different ways that it we just are unique to that.

SPEAKER_00 48:08

Well, with anything, like with teenagers, there's always okay, so with as far as communication goes, you know, Facebook's great for communication, all these social media things are great for communication. But as with anything, with teenagers, they always try to push the envelope to be undetectable. Yeah. And so there's all these things. Snapchat's one of those where, you know, it's kind of like a burner phone. You send a message, it's gone. But in reality, it's never really gone. It can be still be captured and distributed if you're not, you know. I don't want to say not careful because that implies you're up to no good, but a lot of times you're up to no good. But you know, sneaking out of the house ain't a new concept. That's what affected the older generations. Sneaking around and doing stuff, you probably ought not to.

SPEAKER_01 49:00

That's that's the thing now with uh so is there anything that you can do beyond just going back to grandpa, being grandpa and saying, hey, this is what you do, this is what you don't do. Is there anything beyond that as a leader with these kids?

SPEAKER_00 49:13

You headed off a capacity, you be there for 'em. You meet them there. You you you get to them when you know there's a social issue going down. You don't wait for them to talk about it. You talk about it.

SPEAKER_06 49:25

There's so much that these kids are these are exposed to sooner now. Yeah because because of social media and just and just the access to everything that involves that involves.

SPEAKER_00 49:40

Overstimulation.

SPEAKER_01 49:42

Just to have TV in the car.

SPEAKER_00 49:44

Can you imagine how I'm killed for TV in the car? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:47

Much less on my phone in my pocket.

SPEAKER_00 49:50

Listen, on the way here, we had you know four different little TV shows going on at once.

SPEAKER_01 49:55

That's another thing. You imagine you, me, and my and our sister trying to settle on one.

SPEAKER_00 50:03

No, even if we had one screen, you know it'd be on the little mermaid.

SPEAKER_01 50:06

Oh, I know you. I still like I've had to watch Little Merda.

SPEAKER_00 50:10

Little Mermaid's pretty good. That's a banger, man.

SPEAKER_01 50:11

That's why you were in you living in large and kindergarten, I was still at home watching Little Mermaid against my will day after day. The soundtrack still triggers different emotions in me at different moments in the movie. But anyway, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_06 50:27

I I feel like there's so much heavier things that we have to talk about with the youth now. Yeah. And it has to be talked about.

SPEAKER_00 50:35

It does.

SPEAKER_06 50:36

It's very important to talk about it.

SPEAKER_00 50:39

Because the worst thing that can happen is they go to these influencers and they take what they say. That's so big. And it's dangerous. A lot of them is dangerous.

SPEAKER_06 50:48

I mean if you think your kid's not exposed to it by just sticking to these certain programs, you're wrong.

SPEAKER_01 50:54

Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's a good thing.

SPEAKER_06 50:59

Well, I just I mean they are gonna accidentally stumble upon it and they're Vaping.

SPEAKER_00 51:06

Yeah, vaping's a big one. Vaping is one of those things that's portrayed as, you know, it's no big deal. It's just the nicotine where, you know, hey, I tell with my guys, like, hey, look, look, and we talk about that uh because it's come up before. Because and I'm not out on anybody, we've had, you know, I've had one or two that have like, hey, I've tried it. Is this wrong? And we talk about it like give them reasons why it's really not a good idea, why you really shouldn't be on the handle for anything that's going to control you. Uh what is nicotine? Nicotine's an addictive substance, it's acknowledged as that, and all it is is nicotine, which is just why are you being addicted? Why are you going down that road? Why do you want to be addicted to it? You know. Head it off at the patent.

SPEAKER_01 51:56

Someone who has just in the last few months quit, I was just being honest, quit dipping. I've been dipping for so long. Yeah. And I've just made the intentional decision again to stop. And this time I've made it farther. But um, it's so hard to it's so hard to put it and you go through some tough places when you want to really get real about it. And so it's like if I could go back and never do it, it would have saved me a lot of needless pain. And money. And real quick to Anna's point, yeah. That's a big I'll be honest though, that that was a big influence in it because I thought it's getting very expensive. But I want to go back to your point because that what what you brought up is puts the on and this is so important, puts the onus on the parent or whoever's leading the group. There is onus there, I think is sometimes because it you can overgeneralize, I think a lot of times and say, Well, kids these days and these kids do this, and yeah, that's the worst mentality. Where you where you put the onus on on, hey, you see it coming, and like you said, you have those uncomfortable conversations. That's something that you don't just do. That's for at least for me, I to have an uncomfortable situation. I want you know, talk about things I really don't want to talk about with certain people, I have to kind of prep myself to do that, especially do it in a constructive, proper way. And so that's something that it's not just about being vigilant as to what are those struggles, but being changing our mentality to prepare ourselves to go there and have those conversations and be mindful on how we're doing that. I think that's a very important point.

SPEAKER_00 53:36

We have to adapt and overcome.

SPEAKER_06 53:38

Right. Kids these days are awesome, they're still awesome. You've just got to you've just got to teach them. With with you have to you know they're gonna be exposed to social media now. Well, you've got to work with it.

SPEAKER_00 53:51

You've got to so the weird part is because we've been none of our kids have been on social media until quite recently, within the last week or two, you know, as you guys have seen. It's so weird. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 54:07

When they get phones, that's the first step.

SPEAKER_00 54:09

Facebook is such a tons of there's tons of kids that get into it a lot earlier, a lot younger. And so one of the things one of the weird things to me is having dealt with these kids for so long. Some of some of them are adults now. And so we've dealt with big teenager problems, we've dealt with big young adult problems, we've dealt for so long and now big deer problems. Big deer problems. And so now to watch our kids get into those slots to where, hey, I'm dealing with this. I'm like, okay, we've dealt with this, yeah, but not with any of my biological children. We've we've dealt with this before, so we're somewhat a little bit prepared, but you know, your approach is always different once it's your own.

SPEAKER_01 54:54

I just feel like having the uncomfortable conversations is such a big one because that's so easy to do.

SPEAKER_00 55:00

I don't want to go there and I'm not going there. It can be tricky with a kid that's not your biological child because there's some accountability and some and you know, so and we've that's where it's such a blessing to have Anna, Miss Anna. The deer slayer slayer. Yeah, the deer slayer. But to have her you know, the the my knowledge there hasn't really been any issues that kids bring up where they can talk to me and I'm like and it and you know if it's like a female student, it's like, yeah, we can absolutely talk about this, but I'm gonna bring Miss Anna in here. Yeah. Because for for your sake, for your reputation and for mine as well.

SPEAKER_01 55:44

But but I don't know for your understanding.

SPEAKER_00 55:47

Yeah, but also because Miss Anna's gonna understand where you're coming from a lot better than I being, you know, female to female. And so but yeah, it's just you gotta meet them where they're at on some of the stuff. And a lot of times when you say if we can say we're gonna meet somebody where they're at to try to help them, we can say it all we want to, but putting the boots to the ground and getting that bless you getting the sorry it was a replay. Putting the boots to the ground and actually meeting them there, it takes effort, and a lot of times people don't want to, you know, do that part when it comes to cutting the cloth. So well, and then go ahead.

SPEAKER_05 56:29

Sorry, I've got a question. Okay, so let's say you you do have somebody in the youth that comes to you. Do you ever like have the thought where it's like I am not qualified to have this kind of conversation?

SPEAKER_00 56:44

Oh, almost every time.

SPEAKER_05 56:46

Okay. We volunteered to get a mummy youth retreat one time only. It was that that retreat like traumatized both of us. And I think there's good for you. Um there was a girl that she wasn't in our group. Um, she was from another youth group, and she started sharing some of her story about how she had been assaulted and how she tried to take her own life and all these scary things. And I'm the quote unquote adult.

SPEAKER_04 57:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 57:19

You weren't ready for that. I was not prepared for that at all. And I had no idea how to have that conversation. And I literally went and got another adult because I I didn't know what to do.

SPEAKER_00 57:30

That's that's the best thing you could do. You the worst thing you could do is you few okay. I've had this question asked me pr pretty recently. How do you know you're qualified? Well, you really don't. But in the instance you did exactly the right thing, if it makes you uncomfortable and you don't feel like you have experience enough, or you can at least listen. So you at least have the baseline. You can at least listen, and that's gonna help them out tremendously. But as far as advisement and counseling after that, finding another adult that knows more about such such said subject is the best thing you can do. You know, because you'll know right away if you're getting into something that hey, I probably shouldn't say something about this.

SPEAKER_06 58:15

Yeah, and on the the big things where it's an obvious trauma or something major, you can get on with Christian counselors that are trained to do that.

SPEAKER_00 58:27

And certified and everything. Yeah, there's we we keep uh we have one in particular in our neck of the woods that we use and he's uh he's great, but he is certified and licensed and all this, and it's someone you can send you know, the super heavy cases like we talk about. So when you have a case like what you're talking about with that young lady, we've had stuff like that happen with us before. And that that's one of those me and Miss Anna conversations. We sit there and we talk it out. And then after that, we'll say, you know, you know, where are you at with this? Are you, you know, do you feel like you need to you we'll we'll talk through it and get where we think we need to be, and then we'll say, okay, do you feel like you need some more help? Because we absolutely our elders at our church uh have agreed to pay for the th the sessions for this counselor and you know this counselor, and you've seen some of this. Do you would you like to have you know a session with him? And you sometimes yes, sometimes no. I think this actually helped. Sometimes when they just talk stuff through, it that's the most help you can give 'em, is they just put it out there because they've been holding it on their chest for so long and they've been to it around, and then they finally give it to you. Now you have the knowledge of that and you shoulder some of that, oh man, I feel so bad for this kid, and you know, you shoulder some of that burden and everything, which is fine, that's what we're here for. That's what we signed up for. But always det always try to figure out do you need help past this, past my skill set. You know, that's when you go find someone else. And sometimes it might be professional help, but like what you were talking about especially, that would be professional help.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:17

And I and I think you're better at I think this is one of your strengths as far as I think Lacey and I I think both kind of struggle with this, is like, you know, in that situation you're describing where you know you're you're talking to them and they're like, Do you want me, do you want me to get you some additional help? And they said, No, I'm good. Too often where I'll take that at face value. And I don't read into maybe it's because I don't want to be uncomfortable any longer, or it's like I just take them at their word. I don't want to be pushy. And like I feel like you're pretty you're you're better at this as far as knowing when to push, when to take it at face value, when to okay, you say you're good, but you know, I think that's an important part too, is there's I'll take I'll take their word for it every time, you know, without giving them more of what they need.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:07

Well, there's tells. There's tells that they give away, you know. I've had some instances. When I'm when you say something like that comes to mind immediately, is watching a kid walk campgrounds, church camp, and he's not his usual chipper self, his head's down a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:27

Man, you alright?

SPEAKER_04 1:01:29

Yeah, I just had to go to the bathroom. But reading past that, it's like, are you really alright?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:36

And he breaks down and he starts crying. And I'm standing out there talking to him and trying to go through everything with him. And uh that turned into a great study for his youth leader, which wasn't me. This kid was from Tennessee. And I passed him off to his students, I said, You got one here that you gonna have a good time studying with. And uh it turned into a baptism later once they got home and kept studying. Because he did the thing where we got in uh because I we he got with his youth leader, and uh they have a youth minister. I'm not a youth minister, I'm just you know, I'm just here. You're just Jonathan. There's plenty of guys I'm just no, I tell everybody I'm just me. Yeah. I that's all I can be is me. I'm just me. But there's guys, and I don't like to be called youth minister minister because there's these guys that go to school for this, and they study and they get all this stuff and they try so hard and they have a full-time job as a youth minister. They are youth ministers, okay? I'm just a volunteer because you're just a servant, like you talked about earlier. Well, yeah, but I'm just I'm just me. Yeah. But so I got him with his youth minister. And so he got to talking to him, he's like, You want you want Jonathan be there?

SPEAKER_04 1:02:54

I'm like, Yeah, but you want me, I'll be there, man. And so we we studied with him, and it came up to you know, why.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:02

Yeah, and there was some confusion there. And there was some, you know, but it it turned on later on down the road when they got home, it turned into a good thing. So But picking up on those tales that they have, it's it's kind of hard sometimes because teens, adults even, like to try to push their emotions down and hide.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:22

Yeah, and you just kinda have to be aware of context clues.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:30

Which I'm really bad at. Well, and too, and I'll I will add this. I think it's very suitable for this situation, but I think it's suitable for any, because it's something I use not just regarding youth, but in any, you know, almost any context where don't forget to pray. And and and praying to God, especially like what Lacey was describing, a situation where you feel way in over your head what to do. This person is giving you all of this information and you're trying to take it in, you're trying to navigate what to do with it. And I've I've been finding myself more and more praying in a in the context of God use me. Like take, yeah, I I'm in way too deep. I can't do this. This is like use me to help affect this person in a positive way, or or just affect this person in a positive way, and don't let me don't let me negatively influence it at all. Here am I, send me. Be mindful in that moment to pray to God and and and ask for wisdom and guidance in that situation.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:36

That's that's nothing weird at all. Here am I, send me. Yeah. And then, you know, you're gonna you have to keep in mind that you're gonna be the one to sow the seed sometimes, sometimes you're gonna be the one to do the watering, but God's gonna be the giving the increase. But we all have our role to play in that.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:52

So just being there to help, you know, that's one of the best things you can do. Do you have any more?

SPEAKER_00 1:05:05

The coffee's wearing off. I feel it too.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:09

Uh just I don't know. One more question, I guess. Um so our our church has really been trying to push like the importance of multi-generational relationships and you know, and and how important the youth is and to a church family and all the things. What advice would you give to just regular church folks that may or may not be afraid of the teenagers? So it was for real. It was parties and records like the thing about youth culture is I don't understand it. So, but like, how can the church love the youth more? How can we show up for the youth more?

SPEAKER_01 1:05:58

Or even like as you two, as as focal and and active leaders in that space, what is it that you could probably use help with from everyone else along those same lines.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:12

That's kind of hard because we have super supportive groups. Yeah, we've got to do that. We got a group of elders that are you know, they they're just like, what do you need? When do you need it? How much do you need? And I'm like, this and this. But it might cost this. They said done.

SPEAKER_06 1:06:26

And the donations.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:28

So we have a very giving group too. And my goodness, anytime we announce hey the youth group is going to travel to do this, we're going to go work on this, donations come in. I mean people give like there's you know like we're told to on a first day of the week anyway. But then the extra donations are like here, give this and it's earmarked for youth group for a certain program we're doing or whatever. And we've just had in the last two or three years just an outpouring of super outpouring of support.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:06

So support supporting financial support or material support but also being active in the world financial support is great and material support and resources that's good.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:18

But volunteering showing up because going to these places takes bus drivers it takes chaperones it takes cooks it takes people cleaning up it takes people counseling people sometimes. A lot of behind the scenes a lot of behind the scenes and so we wear we both wear and we got a we got a lot of people that help us tremendously and we we we know when we're going to do this hey let's get with so and so and see if they're interested in helping and more often than not they are unless there's some kind of major conflict. We got so many people chomping to help we're blessed with that but being there to help because donating resources and donating financially is one thing. Donating time is huge.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:01

And getting well because none of those other things matter if you're not going to get time they don't it don't matter at all.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:07

And you know and when you do volunteer like that the kids see you volunteering you're being that example of serving and they want to grow up and be like that and that's that's what you want to reciprocate. One of the things to get involved or to get multi-generation multi-generationally involved it's too late for me to say that get the youth group active and going towards the older folks the older age group somebody's whistling going towards the older age groups so we have this thing that has worked out great somebody's whistling and the the kids have gotten unruly. But we have this thing that works out great that we've done for the last two years consecutively and we will probably continue to do so is we have we have a pretty good sized list of widows and widowers at our church. So we have a program called watchers or widow what yeah widow watchers and uh so we have different families and different people that'll check in on them and all this stuff and they're responsible for them. Well hey baby then so during Thanksgiving season we'll have a friends giving thing where the youth group serves the widows and the widowers and their families. So we'll get them all together we have this big meal and the widows and the widowers and their family and they sit with us that's awesome. Last year not last year the year before I got them to interview that was hilarious. Oh that was so good that was hilarious. And so this year I'm definitely loving this oh oh they interviewed them like what what's your favorite color what was your favorite actor from you know your childhood what was your favorite childhood activity so this year this year during Friendsgiving lunch I put this all together in a presentation and that was fantastic. They those older folks love that they saw they saw that flash up on the screen and it was just oh everyone got a laugh out of that.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:21

That's a fantastic idea I think we should keep doing it like this could be an interview year again.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:26

Yeah I think we'll interview again this year and then just but getting the youth group involved in serving the older generation yeah that's a great idea when the when the older folks see that they're like they know they're loved they know they're cared for you're building a connection you're building a connection and that that's personally I think that's what you're after in this question. So it's kind of a two-way street what can we do for the youth group what can the youth group do for the rest of the folks too and you're you're what the the the single word that you're kind of just describing unity yeah unity in a group unity in a congregation which is such a big thing and and and then more than that you're talking multi-generational unity between two major ends of the spectrum different vastly different yeah that's fantastic so encouraging to hear parent involvement involvement's huge helps tremendously and it's one of the things we always have in our yearly presentation that we can do everything right in youth group we can do everything right in the youth program and it won't matter at all unless discipleship happens at home. Yeah because discipleship starts at home. And we can we we can teach these kids everything till we're blue in the face but it's not going to be applicable and it's not going to stick unless mom and dad and or grandparents who's raising them get on board.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:59

And it's amazing how those examples like you said you you can talk about it at church. Yeah they can learn the speci like certain phrases or words that they need to know and they you know the certain answers to the certain questions. Yeah I and I think about growing up we we've had grandparents parents great examples in our lives personally growing up we've heard the same speeches over and over again I might have heard a few more times than you got extra but there was something about seeing you you know our dad harped on us about being a man being a father being a husband he he he really instilled that in us in the right ways. Yeah in the right ways but there and we all learn in different ways. For me I learned from that but seeing you go ahead and and put it into practice of becoming a husband and then becoming a father seeing that did a lot more for me than any I'm not saying I'm not taking away any of those lessons they did a lot for me but it's just there's certain we learn in different ways and and having different examples from different le different levels. It's amazing you know how how much of an impact that can make on on a single individual.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:16

Yeah I believe you referred to me as a guinea pig in another podcast with somebody else appreciate you yeah well I appreciate the guinea pig I'm gonna let him eat that first and let's see what happens.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:27

But uh no I d this is all amazing stuff. Thank you so much for for sticking around for a bonus.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:35

Did you have any more pearls that you wanted to drop before wrap it up there was uh there was a book or something right that you wanted to bring up or no no no well no we you're you're asking about no it's just a theory it's just a thought we'd have oh wait a message that you were going to I think it was about baptism right where the Oh there's okay so there's a resource so what I was resource that's what yeah so what I was so a lot of times I know one of the things before any of our kids were baptized I thought I thought about it. You know and I'm like because I'll try to prepare as much as I can prepare myself mentally and prepare however and it one of those thoughts is what am I gonna do when one of my kids comes to me and says I'm thinking about being baptized should I be baptized? And how do I talk about that when I was so petrified up until fifteen years old how do I because surely I won't have any kids that's that forthcoming and that Oh I was wrong. Boy I was very wrong but yet we still got one to go so we'll see. But he's not very shy at all but but when you're a parent maybe you haven't thought about it maybe it's one of those things where you don't know how to engage you don't know how to you don't know how to take on that question Am I ready to be baptized? Well there's a book and it's by one of the authors is Kyle Kyle Butt and he works for Apologetics Press in our neck of the woods and they put out so much cool stuff. They they made these cards I was showing these discovery cards I was showing you earlier. But this book is called Am I Ready to be baptized and I'll show to y'all but I can drop that in our notes on our website. That'd be a good one. But this is a resource that Tom has used with parents who are kind of not as sure footed as to what to do when the subject comes up and I'll send you the ISBN and all that good stuff.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:38

Yeah we have uh by the way a small group podcasts.wordpress comment you'll find how to reach us contact us you can find all of our episodes you'll find notes for certain episodes I I'll make sure to post that soon so yeah so you it you know that'd be a great resource that we've used at our congregation before and Lizzie and Lucy read it.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:02

Yeah I mean the majority of Lizzie and Lucy's conversation for that did come from us but they didn't have that as well.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:12

So are you ready to be baptized what was the author I know it was Kyle but there's another Kyle Kyle but yeah and John Farber I'm not as familiar with him but very familiar with Kyle butt and uh yeah I appreciate that yeah this is pretty fantastic stuff thank y'all so much for taking time out of your vacation to to yap with us and we we just love and Taylor and Sabrina we miss you thank y'all so much for loving on our youth but just before we go out in the field doing exactly what we're talking about. Exactly they know but uh just real quick I just want to thank Jonathan and Anna so much I I don't know if I've ever said thank y'all for this before when Gabby was born Gabby's three so this is three years ago Anna and Courtney came down our sister and while we were in the hospital they cleaned my house and y'all like I know it wouldn't me y'all I was so huge while I was pregnant in LA so it was I I wanted to nest and I just like I I couldn't even see my feet so it was just it was so hard. More concerned with rolling over than nesting it was it pregnancy was a struggle but to come home to a clean house I cannot tell you I mean you know you know as a mom she very um but also so when you came down to meet Gabby Jonathan you walked in and you gave me a hug and you said how are you doing and I was like I'm good I'm good and you went mentally how are we and I went I don't I don't know that's what I'm talking about you know when to push what it's one of those cues plus that was a been there done that knowing goodwill postpartum what postpartum is all about and that it's a real real thing to watch. Well and nobody nobody had asked that or anything and and I hadn't slowed down enough to stop and think about it. I didn't and I was like I don't know I don't know and then I was like I don't think I'm okay actually talked to Jonathan I just I just want to sleep actually and then we'll then we'll think about feelings and and and some other things but but yes but I just I appreciated y'all so much for for being there in in so many ways and y'all have y'all have helped is six hours away y'all have still helped raise that child and keep her alive and I just appreciate y'all see so much.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:04

It's because oh hey there's my there's my my nephew it's it's a weird feeling it's what you guys have felt this whole time it's because you know we've had our kids and they're your nieces and nephew and then you've got more on the other side and then so y'all have known this this whole time. Gabby's our first little niece and I have never known what it was like to have a kid that I would protect like my own blood flesh and blood child but it's a little more fun isn't it it is but I only see her every once in a while and when I don't see her for a long period of time my heart aches and I'm like you know I I don't know what it's like to have this this kid that's you know not under my roof and I'm worried about her and worried about her folks and what they're doing and if she's okay is everybody okay and when little bit gets sick and Lacey calls and have you heard from Lacey and Jam will tell me have you heard from Ben and Lacey?

SPEAKER_06 1:20:09

Is Gary worried we were blowing you up to no you know so not at all when we left uh from here after she was born was it Christmas we do Christmas here yes when and when the the kids met her and we met well me and Courtney of course didn't want to leave after seeing her but that was a sad leaving that was horrible and I'm at home just steaming it's my niece how come I can't go see her I gotta stay here with my stinking kids.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:40

Well I mean even like after the Christmas because then then we knew it would be a while it really was it really was yeah because y'all were y'all were y'all were fresh baby y'all couldn't really travel good yet and all that and yeah yeah I remember so I wasn't prepared for that either because I think how much love I have for that little didn't we postpone Christmas to like yes until January it was my first that was my first meeting as a baby and I'm like I mean you did get the first look and crying other than me and Lacey you were the third person to actually see her I got her picture out don't tell anybody yeah no one will hear this.

SPEAKER_05 1:21:21

So the kids were crying when we left so we were like we're trying to like not cry because kids are already well and like Gabby Gabby spent a couple days in the NICU and you being there like you being able to be in the NICU with me and like and and Gabby wasn't even in the NICU for anything remotely serious. And bless it.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:58

So I just baby's in the NICU and I'm getting pictures of cookie and Anna and they're hovering over the baby I'm like I want to hover over the baby.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:09

Well we had talked about with the youth group you know social media technology being a big threat it can be just such a big blessing in the same way in that we're six hours away she still knows who Bosco is she still knows who Jamie is because I here I was I well had to step it up I thought we were calling too often we try to call y'all at least maybe twice maybe once or twice a week I know y'all do good. It was just we just weren't prepared yeah yeah I guess that was the you know first we're just so blessed that we're able to have that yeah and not just y'all but then there's the grandparents you know what that relationship is yeah that's a that's a very tight yeah that's a very important one but yeah shows how much we love that little girl oh she's she's more precious than mine and I know first thing and one of mine heard me say that is he quick crawl oh I'm in trouble well it was a good episode we just didn't stick a landing there but thank y'all yes so much for everything that y'all did I can't echo that completely I couldn't add anymore y'all have just been beyond what I could describe as far as blessing goes for us so thank you so much for giving us a bonus episode too I know you guys are wore out exhausted and you still sleep good in the morning but this was great stuff if if no one else listening needed to hear it I needed to hear it so it helps me out yeah you got one so thank you guys so much I can't say enough and we really we thank all of y'all listening for joining our small group we'd love to hear from you and send us you know your messages your questions whatever you want to discuss if you want to connect for more information even with Bosco and JAMA let us know we'll we'll set you up they'll love to help you as well but yeah just uh if you if you want to reach out to us um directly you can email us goat.bear.lobster at gmail dot com. Go to our website find all the information on how to contact us or any notes and stuff that we've talked about tonight smallgroup podcast dot wordpress dot com. Again, thank you for listening. We'd love to hear from you just reach out let us know and uh that's all we got we appreciate you listening and joining the small group