Hey sis. Welcome back. This is Bridgett Dickey, and this is Sis Mind Your Money. One week from today, our Mother's Day Awards brunch is happening May 9th in Houston, Texas. If you're still on the fence, this is your sign. Get off the fence and register now. The link is in the show notes. You don't wanna miss this. Go to dickey financial firm.com to register today. Today's episode is personal. This comes straight from my own journey. I'm going to cover the three C's that changed my entire relationship with money, confront, conquer, and confess. Stay with me. By the end of this episode, you will see your money situation in a new light. When I talk about confront, confess, conquer, it is personal because I heard this term or this phrase I would say used before with a therapist sister of mine that I know, and we were having a conversation one day and life was happening at that moment. I would say that was probably in the beginning stages of the divorce and she asked me a question, she said, what do you need to confront? What do you need to conquer? And what do you need to confess? And I was like, what are you talking about? And so, I left her presence, she gave me some more information, and I left. And that sat with me. That was over a year ago, and now I did the work. I truly understand what confront, conquer, and confess means, and I use that in multiple areas of my life. It wasn't just the money, it wasn't just. The business, whatever it was, in it was many different areas. I used that confront, conquer, and confess, and one thing she said to me is that women are looking at their lives through broken lenses. So she said, just imagine, and she had 'em in her office. She said, put these glasses on, and the glasses were all cracked and broken. And she said, what can you see? I said, nothing. She said, everything looks distorted, everything doesn't look clear. Everything is broken, and often that's where women sit when it comes to their money. You put this lens on, so just imagine with me putting on some glasses, and the glasses are broken and they're shattered and they have cracks and they have holes in it. What can you do with that? That's not a good foundation for you to see. For my glass people, glass- wearing people out there. I'm a glass wearer myself. So yes, it's important that the pair of glasses that you wear, the lens that you have, are not broken. That the lenses that you look through are clear in every aspect in your life. So what are some of the things you need to confront, conquer, and confess? I always start with women in relationships. 'cause I've been there, we've been in relationships, we have given our time, our talent to this man. We have done all these things and what happens? It didn't work out for whatever reason. But it's things in your life that you have to confront, conquer, and confess. How did you contribute to this problem? People only do what you allow them to do. That man, he will only do what you allow him to do. Bridgett, how's this going to help me with my money? You put more attention and time you looking through these broken lenses. Let's go back to the lenses and you're doing things that's not serving you, things that are not getting you where you want to be and what are your goals. So I use the analogy of you in a relationship with a man because that affects everything of what you do, and you are not, and it's affecting your money because it's things that you're not willing to confront, conquer, or confess. It could be the relationship with the man. It could be food. It could be you're not exercising, you're not living in the job or working in a career that you want to be in. It could be you. You are allowing your family to run over you. You don't have a voice. You are somewhere where you are not supposed to be and you don't know how to get out of it, you won't confront it, you won't confess to it. And you won't conquer it because that takes work. But I'm here to tell you, it is freeing once you get to that point that you can release and let go. So use this in other areas of your life, not just the money side of it. Use it in all areas of your life. But today is all about the money. It's all about your financial life. What are the things you need to confront, conquer, and confess. Now, the most recent part of this I had to confront was, okay, you asked for the divorce. It is time for you to move forward. Did it affect me financially? Yes, it did. I had the business, I had employed, at that time during the divorce. At that time I had two employees, no three. I take that back. And so my focus was I gotta make sure I do whatever I have to do to pay my employees. This is my focus, and I gotta keep this business going because it's, there's no, I don't have a full-time job. I am the business. I am the brand, and one thing in my mind, I was just like, I was in autopilot. I was in survival mode. It was a lot of things at the beginning. All I know is that I gotta have a certain amount of money. Okay, I know I need to move, I need to do this. All these things were going on, and because I was hurt, it was a lot of hurtful things going on. It was ugly. He was saying stuff, doing stuff. It was just a lot moving, unpacking, packing, getting help doing, putting stuff in, storage. It was just a lot of stuff going on. Still had to travel for the business, still had to do things. Still had clients that I had to see. While all of this is going on, and so it was some things I had to confront. I had to face that first three months after the divorce, I was on autopilot. I was not confronting anything. I wasn't confessing anything. I wasn't conquering anything. I was in survival mode. Yes, the woman who has a financial service business who helped thousands of women and help them get their financial life in order and help the community and do all these things. Life happens along the journey, and that's why I want you to understand is that life will happen along the journey. It's not all if you hear me, life will not be fair at times. It will be hard, but this is a part of the process and what I have learned is what I'm going through and what I'm experiencing is because I asked for it, I asked for greater. So God is help getting me ready, pruning me for those things that are coming that I don't see and building in my faith. So one thing I would say to you is that. It is not about the shame or guilt or embarrassment. I did not feel ashamed. I didn't, I had to call creditors or people that you, that we all have creditors like Bill, water bill, you owe somebody. lines of credit I had with the business. Hey, I'm going through a divorce. I had to call all of these people. I'm going through a divorce. This is what's going on. What are my options? How do I handle this? That was so friend to me because what I learned, and I want you to hear me. I want you to hear me, and I also want you to listen and listen. This is about application, and now if you know a woman that's going through a divorce in a bad situation, life is happening. It may not be a divorce, it may be whatever. It's some things they need help with. Send this to them because I was not ashamed. I was not embarrassed. I just knew I had to handle business, and that was just part of doing business. People were not here to judge me. They didn't make me feel less than I found out that more people were more willing to help me and tell me things that can help me in my situation. It was things I had no idea that was available but because I was willing to confront, now I had to confront some things. At the beginning I wasn't, but at one point I said, okay, you gonna have to confront this. This is what it is. Oh, no, we can help you with that. This happens all the time. These are your options. I had no idea. So in our minds, we're making it bigger. I don't want people to judge me. They're not here to judge you. You are judging yourself. They're not there to judge you. In my journey, my experience, people were willing to help me. I was being transparent. I was being honest about the situation. This is where I am, this is what I can do. This is what I cannot do. I walked in being proactive saying, Hey, this is what happened. This is what's going on, and they were willing to say, okay, this is what we can do for you, and what I learned through that it was liberating, was the fact that I was confronting it was things that I was able to get done There were resources out there that I learned about that I had no idea because I was willing to confront it. Now, I said that at the beginning that I wasn't willing to confront some things because I said in anger, I was mad, I was upset, but I said, if I am a business and that's what I am on paper, the office, the website, everything. If I'm a business as a business owner, how would you handle this? If these successful businesses that are out there, how would they handle this? And I thought back to some of my favorite founders and CEOs of companies that I admire, and I'm like, what would they do? How would they handle this? And I took it from that standpoint. You may not have a business, but you are the manager, the operator, the CEO, the founder of your household. So you mind your business. You take care of your business and act accordingly. Be the head, not the tail, and that gave me confidence, gave me a little power. I was like, okay, I'm feeling better. I have options. I have things I can work on. Or things I need help with or things that, these are the resources, but I, I had options. So I would tell you to have that conversation with yourself. Confront, what do you need to confront? And this is where most women think, oh, I'm bad with money. This will help somebody else. They're not gonna help me. That's not true. What are your money beliefs? I don't think money is evil. I don't think money is a horrible thing. I don't think money is only for certain people, certain races, I don't think any of that. I had to check my money beliefs. I knew that what I have done and who I have helped and I knew God was going to bless me. I knew that. The promises of what was told, I will have them. It wasn't told to me that it was going to be easy, but. I learned so much along the way of trusting people, not avoiding things because of shame and guilt and embarrassment. I pray for your strength. Ask for what you need and the guidance you need. I didn't have it all together. I didn't, but I knew that I was gonna have to go through some things. To get to the other side, and what happens is when you're going through this confronting stage, that means now you gotta confront it. I gotta go through some things, And so that's the hard part is going through it. Oh, now I done confront it. Now I gotta go through it. But in order to get to the other side, what victory is, yes, you have to go through it. Don't get caught up in your feelings. Feelings put. Put that to the back burner, out the door, out the window. Don't get caught up in your feelings. I'm a woman. I know. A lot of times we get in our feelings. I don't feel like this is, no, this is about what you need to do. Now this week, one thing I do want you to do is write down your three biggest money fears. Now I'll share with you because I've done the work and because I'm still doing the work, one of my biggest money fears was being broke and old. That was just a terrifying, like I don't want to be old and broke. I just don't, I just didn't want, I was just like, this is just a horrible thing. Now because I have a plan, I know how things are going to work, and now how am I gonna get there? How the resources, who gonna help me get there? I'm not concerned about that, but I no longer have that fear because I have a plan. Will the plan always work out the way it should? Absolutely not, but I know the promise. I don't know how long it's gonna take me to get there. That's not my concern. My concern is my faith but what I do know is that was one of my biggest financial fears, another financial fear, and it came during the time of building this business, the divorce, how am I gonna pay for my employees? It wasn't about me. It was about, because I know what I do allows them to take care of their family, and so I didn't wanna be able to have that conversation to say, Hey I can't pay you this week, and that was a reality going through this divorce and things were happening, Hey, I gotta pay you in two weeks. That was real, and now I understand when I decided to confront it and get the help in my business. I have a mentor, I have people that can help me. Hey, when life happens, what? How can I be proactive? One of the best things that happened to me, I was going through a program, the Goldman Sachs 10,000 business mentorship program. In the height of the divorce and that saved the business because I had guidance, I had help. This is where I am, this is what I need. But that was one of the things that leads me to my second C is that confess. I had to confess to some people, Hey, this is what's going on. I need your help. This is where I am. This is how much money the business made or didn't make. This is where I am, and these were complete strangers. I signed up, I got accepted into the program, but they were there to help business owners, and to help you get you where you needed to be, and that was my accountability. So every week I had to go to the class every Thursday. Sometimes it was twice a week, Tuesdays and Thursdays. And then we had to meet with our business advisors on additional days outside of the class. And so to sit there with a man look. Me and him are close now, but I didn't know him, but I had to trust that he knew what he was doing. They hired him, they trusted him enough. I got to know his background. He worked for some of the major Fortune 500 companies and he was telling me, do this. He was showing me the things. I had no idea of what to do, but because I was willing to confront it, then go and confess it. Then I was able to conquer it and then I'll show you share with that later. But it showed me that you don't know everything. You need help. You cannot do this by yourself, but you gotta confess to the right people, and if you hear me say the people I am now talking to are qualified people who know what they're doing that can help me that have walked the same path I have walked, and now they can help me with this personally and my business. So it was liberating. It was liberating that I was able to speak the truth out loud. It was liberating to get that off my chest, that I am not on this island by myself. And what I learned is that there are resources, there are people out there that can help you. There are things if you would just open your mouth. That man didn't sit in judgment of me. He didn't. He linked me with the right people. Oh, we deal with this all the time when business owners are going through divorce. I had a support system. I had a new sisterhood in my program I was with, so at one point in time in life that the community that I had was no longer there because. I'm going through this horrible time in my life. So some of the people that I was associating with at that time, I no longer was associating with them, and so now I have a new community and they helped me, and that was so important, but confess to the right people. Not hiding the numbers, not getting caught up in your feelings. Once again, confronting, I have a problem. I need help; confessing to the right people to get the help, but you must. The first thing is to say, look, I am going to do this. I'm going to make sure this happens. I'm going to take care and do my part, but first, confront it. Then confess. Get the help. Find somebody you trust. If you are not safe to trust your friend or a colleague, find someone you have now. A trusted partner that is here to help you, and that's what the team is here to help you do, is to conquer those fears to confess. Have a place where you can confess to someone and you can get the help and the support you need. And so when I look at confronting things, confessing, and now you got to conquer it. How do you conquer it? How do you conquer this? And a lot of times women sit in perfection. It must be perfect. If things are not perfect, I'm not gonna do it. I have to have everything together. I or you're doing so many things, you're not focusing on one thing. Confronting without conquering just leaves you feeling bad with no results. So you decide I'm gonna confront it. You may decide I'm gonna confess, but conquering is about application. Now it's time to apply. This is where action lives. This is where you're willing to say, I need help with my debt. I need help with budgeting, money management, whatever it is. I need an estate plan. I need to have everything in writing. I'm a single mom. Something happens to me. What happens to my kids? You are now saying, I need help. I don't know how to do this, but not striving for perfection. Now it's time to put things in action. You know you need to do it, but you won't do it because of the fear, the anxiety, the shame. So you're probably wondering what does conquering actually look like? Is creating a budget that works for your life, your lifestyle, building a system that works, that goes back to episode two. If you are not for sure how to build a system for your financial or your banking or how to divide your money out. That's the six bank account system that I've set up. Go back to episode two. Hire a coach, hire a financial. Get the help and the support you need. You are the most precious thing in the world, is only one of you. Why not invest in you? Why not take care of you? You are not worth it. One thing my father would always say when we would go eat out and he would find my mother looking on the right side of the menu, and he said, order to what you want, stop looking at the right side of the menu. 'cause we all know on the right side of the menu is the cost. You should never have to shortchange yourself. You should not have this internal battle about what you should have or what you should not have, or you won't purchase it because it costs too much money. Once you decide, you going to confront it, confess it now. Conquer application. Now it's time. Let's go. Let's move. Conquering is not a one time event. It's a daily decision. What are you going to conquer today? This is not, I do it when I feel like every day make a decision of what are you going to conquer? What goals are you gonna go after when it comes to your financial life? How can you get closer to where you need to be? That is the focus, but it's time to take action. You've been sitting on the sidelines. I was listening to a podcast and a gentleman said, I've never seen anybody win in the bleachers. He said, you gotta get in the game. You have to get in the game. You're not gonna win from the bleachers. In order to win, to see progress, to see a change, to see a difference, possibility, get in the game. You have been in the bleachers long enough. You've been on the sideline long enough. Because have you been in the game and on the sideline for the longest and you just been standing there and the coach hasn't said, okay, come on. The coach haven't tapped you and say, let's go. But do you need the permission or the coach to tap you in, or do you give yourself permission to say, look, this tag, I admit it's, it is time to go. It's time to move. It's time to live the life that you want. You can't fix what you refuse to face confronting it, that's where freedom starts. That's where your freedom will start. A plan without accountability is a wish. Conquer requires a system and a community. I am here today with flaws and all, made more progress in my life. I have accomplished things doing crazy times, but I'm proud of myself. Because I was willing to take a chance on me. I was willing to bet on me. I was willing to say that I choose me, that I'm going to keep the promise to myself, and that's where I want you to sit, not in shame, because that's what's going to keep you stuck. Confessing your financial truth will break the cycle, but conquering and physically going after it. And making it happen is going to get you out of there. Now, all three Cs work together. You can't skip one. This is why I'm gonna take which one I want and I'm just, no, you, it's all three. Confront, confess, conquer. That's what is going to get you where you need to be. What are you willing to make sacrifices for? What are you willing to do to have the life you want? Last call sis. One week left to register for our Mother's Day Awards brunch May 9th, Houston, Texas. This is your final reminder. Go to the link in the show notes and lock in your seat today. register@dickeyfinancialfirm.com. We'll see you there Now go mind your money. Bye sis.