Hey, sis. Welcome back. You're tuned in to Sis Mind Your Money, the podcast where we talk all things money, wealth, and financial freedom without the confusion and without the judgment. I'm your host, Bridgett Dickey, wealth educator and strategist, founder of Dickey Financial Services and Wealth Management Firm, and the creator of Girl Mind Your Money movement. My mission is simple: to educate, empower, and equip women like you to take control of your finances and build real, lasting wealth. So grab your favorite drink, get comfortable, and let's get into it. Today we're talking about married life and money. Now, if you've listened to my other episodes in this series. It is a four part series. So I've talked about being single. I've talked about being engaged, and now I have been all four right. And so I'm coming with experience. I'm coming with some things I learned along the way and I want to share with you, but this is the real, the unfiltered version. Marriage is beautiful, but if you are not on the same page regarding money, it can be ugly, and I mean, ugly real fast. This episode is from women who are married or women who plan to be married. And one thing I learned when I talked earlier, you can go back and listen when I was engaged, some of the things that I did, having those hard conversations at the beginning when I was, engaged and being vulnerable and learning things. What I learned during the time of being married. Now I'm gonna say this to you, not bragging or boasting. We did not argue about money, never argued about money because we had it together. We talked, we had our monthly budget meetings. I knew everything that was going on. I was the primary one who handled everything. But we had, we were, it was full transparency. There was nothing that was hidden, nothing that was going on. There wasn't no credit cards in my name, wasn't credit cards in his name that I'm taking out and doing things, having some financial infidelity, like none of that was going on. There was a level of trust there. He trusted me, I trusted him, and we agreed that we would not make decisions on our own. We would do it as a collective. Now, one thing I would say is that most couples make a mistake is when they don't have the plan together. They are not being transparent because they don't wanna a quote unquote rock the boat. I don't wanna, we are thinking everything has to start an argument. You can sit down and have an intelligent conversation and a calm tone and talk about what you need and what you want. But one thing I've learned when I was doing this journey, what I've learned and when I was married, is that you can't make somebody do something, and I learned that the hard way. It was some things in my marriage that he was just not willing to do to, for growth for himself, for the marriage. And that became a problem because now I felt like, I thought we was supposed, be a team and a part of the team is now on the bench and has been on the bench and not have no plans of getting off the bench, and what do you do in that situation? And if your spouse is unwilling, what do you do? And that was probably one of the reasons for the demise of the marriage. It is what do you want? What do you need? And there was some things I didn't know like some things came out after, like, I felt like I did, I asked all the questions. I felt like I did, and I thought I did all, what did I miss? And it was what I learned. It was some things I just didn't miss. It was just some things that he wasn't willing to share. It was some things he was just willing to omit. And that's one thing that when you're married, it's so important to understand. What happens if your spouse gets sick? Something under having that money conversation. What happens? What happens when you're married? Now the bliss is over and one of you loses your job? Or one spouse is, so I'm want to go after my dreams and I'm gonna do this business full time and not bringing any money in. So there's no regular income from one spouse. How do you handle that? Hopefully you could have had this conversation at the beginning, but most people are not having these conversations. Or your spouse because they don't want to lose you, and that was a part of my situation. I learned some things that just kept holding on to stuff, wasn't willing to be transparent. And I found out years later, and the financial secrets. Now it was no financial secrets and it was some secrets, but financial wasn't one of them. And those financial secrets is that. You opening up credit cards in your spouse's name and not telling them, or you're racking up debt under their name. You are signing your spouse's name, not getting their permission. Oh, we married, we can do things. It doesn't matter. We are one, and then that's how you're finding out that you have things in your name you don't know, or your husband or spouse, man or woman could say, Hey, I need you to sign this. It's just some paperwork, and you not reading it or get the attorney to explain it to you because yes, your spouse, you'll do anything for this person, but within reason. Within reason, you would do anything for this person? Making sure when you, when I was married I had my own credit. He had his own credit. We didn't do the credit card thing together. You gonna get a credit card, you get it in your name. I didn't, it wasn't no shared debt. The shared debt was the mortgage, but everything else was in each other's name. So you go get a car, you get in your name, I'll get it in the business name, or I get it in my name. It was separate. Paid all the bills together. We had one bank account that had all that was for the household expenses. It is things that you need to have set up in place. If you're going to have one spouse handling everything every month, it's fine because I did it, but I have a monthly budget meeting about it. I had everything set up in the event something happened to me. There was a folder that had, who's the electrical company? Wifi, the mortgage company who we paid taxes to, all the life insurance policies. Everything was in one binder because I knew I handled most of it, even though we met monthly and talked about things, Hey, this is what's going on. This is a new expense. This is what's come up every month. No fail would have these meetings to talk about the financial goals to progression where we are, what are we doing? And one thing I learned during the divorce is that he was there in body, but not participating. He kept acknowledging, he understood and these are the things that he's going to do. And then when it was time to divorce, it was like, I didn't know any of that. I didn't understand this. I wasn't, and so all of a sudden now you'll learn some things that maybe your partner won't be transparent about, and that hurt because if you just would've been open enough to tell me, but a lot of times they sit in shame. I would say a lot of times men do and women will do it too, and embarrassment and they don't want to talk about it, but these are the things that can hurt. You must be transparent in order to make this work. Different money styles don't align. You know that your spouse is wanting to handle everything or don't wanna have you have access to the bank account and these secrets, hopefully during the engage stage. You figure this out. You set up the accounts the way they should. If you have a spouse that you are now married and still don't want to if y'all didn't, hopefully you didn't get married. But if you got married, and maybe they did, they hold off and didn't tell you something happened. It's some things that those can be, that's hard. That sense of safety and security. What do you need asking? What do you need to be safe and secure in this? I'm here. I'm your person. If we're gonna do life together, let's do it right. What is our plan? 'cause a lot of times, we are ignoring the baggage and the issues and the problems not updating beneficiaries after marriage. If this is your first marriage, both names, y'all need to be beneficiaries on everything. Retirement, life insurance, all accounts. If second marriage, you need to make sure that your, the ex-wife. It is off of the bank account, off of the life insurance, not on the retirement account. I've seen people that has been divorced for 20 years and still had the spouse, ex-spouse name on there. Bank accounts, no estate plan, no will or power of attorney, none of this stuff set up. These are things y'all are together, especially if you have children. If y'all both die at the same time, who's gonna take care of the kids? Have all of this organized and put together, do it at the beginning, I would say that was one area that I was proud of myself for doing is having all of that at the beginning, because when life did happen, when cancer came and spouse had cancer, I knew exactly what to do. Because I had everything set up at the beginning. Don't be so busy with life to a point where you can't take care of each other, and that is the number one priority. Every woman should know this, where all the bank accounts are, past passwords, insurance policies, the coverage amount is a term, whole life, all of that. Investment in retirement accounts. Make sure your name is beneficiary on everything. Estate planning documents. If there's not one, you need to get one. Hopefully, if you've listened to me during the engage stage, and if you haven't, if you're now married, get this done today. Now this is what most women do. Well, he won't do it, so I won't do it. No, you don't need him to set up your will, your trust, your medical power of attorney, hopefully that your actions, you lead him by example, will make him move, but you can't make him do it. But it's some things that you need to put in place for yourself, your household. Overall financial picture at all times. Know it. This is non-negotiable. This is not, oh, if I should, I'm not, no. This is non-negotiable. Have everything set up. I said it earlier, but have your monthly meetings on the calendar booked. Is it gonna be the first, the first of every month? The first, I used to do it on the first Saturday of the month. If y'all have children, don't have kids there. Get somebody to babysit for you. Make it cook. Have a nice meal after. Make sure you pray before and after. What are you hoping to gain from this? Both spouse need to come into the meeting with their numbers, what they're looking for. This should not be one sided. Everybody should have a part set up the meetings. How should, how long should they last? If they're one hour, two hour, make sure and put on a schedule, a timer, have everything printed out. This is business, this is family business. This is how we're gonna handle things. Check on the progress, see how things are going. This is no time to blame point finger. Well, if you would've done this this way and did it the way I told you, that's not what this is for because one key that I've learned when I was married, when you are giving each other what each other needs, then there's no reason to complain, to bitch, to fuss, to fight. What happens is when one spouse is giving everything. They felt overwhelmed. They feel that they're not being appreciated and they're not getting their needs met. And so this is a time where no blaming, this is what you created, holding each other accountable. Let's get this done. Encourage one another, love on one another, support each other. How is this all going to work? How is the household going to be managed? And that goes back to my six bank account system. It's an episode two. Go back and listen to that. Get the worksheet, sit down, get the tools that you need so you can do life together, and do it in a way that fulfills both of you financially. Building wealth as a team, assign goals. What? Okay, you handle the budget. I'll handle the investments. Okay. What does the inve have? Everybody has a role. Don't leave this just on one person to do. Put all the bills on autopay, and that's one thing I did all the bills are on autopay because all the monthly expenses were fixed. Hey, all the money from this account is for this, so you don't touch, you know the account for this, leave that money alone. Understanding what is the strategy. If you do this early on, if you have this set up, it will work. Now I'm gonna tell you what's gonna happen. A lot of times women get emotional. We want to rationalize, we wanna go over all the things. We just all in our heads. This is logical. Sit down, talk about it. This is the system. This is how it's going to go. Don't point the finger, don't be throwing it up in a man's face that you make more money and you say, don't ever do that. This is time where, what do you do together? Yes. Did I make more money into my spouse? Yes. He knew it at the beginning. Did I know? But as the business grew as thing, life changed. Yes. But I never made him feel because I make more money, I called the shots never, because I wouldn't want nobody to do me like that. So I did not do that to him. Another problem that I see, and one thing I do want you to address that can sneak up easily in a marriage is the financial infidelity is real. I deal with this often with a lot of my clients who are married that they go and they've been for so long, oh, I'll just open up a credit card. I know all the information, and then now you're racking up debt in their name. They know nothing about it. You are doing things that your spouse knows nothing about. If things change in the marriage where there's no communication, you're not talking, you're not speaking to one another, you're not loving on each other, you're not giving each other what you need. This is how these things happen and if one of you job loss due to layoff being fired, health reasons, then you go back to the plan. Hey, we already talked about we have money saved so we don't have to worry about this. If you got sick or hurt, we have insurance. So once you have the financial plan, when life happens, it won't hit you as hard. You just execute the plan that is put in place. And then that reframes them going into panic mode or taking out debt and doing things that your spouse have no idea what's going on. Now, no one should be in the dark. Both of you should know the full financial picture of your life, everything that's going on. What is the date of our monthly meeting for our money investment. Don't call it budgeting. Call what? Name it. Come up with something cute. Make it fun, right? Have food. Have a good time with it. Track your progress. Encourage each other, support each other. Hey, good job you did this. I'm so proud of you. Those little things go a long way. If you wanna build wealth as a team, do it together. Hey, we gotta talk to our financial advisor. Is the money growing? What's going on with the market? Did we lose any money? How is your retirement account going on at work? Do we need to talk to our financial advisor? Your financial advisor is the one there. That person is there to grow your money, to get you to that goal. If the goal is to have 10 million. By the time you are 65 and you only at a hundred thousand, then what we gotta do to get there. But your financial planner, your wealth educator, your strategist, someone like me is the one that helps you get everything organized, making sure that you're getting everything on paper. The will, trust, medical power of attorney, financial power of attorney. You are having everything organized. Your insurance, your financial plan. These are your goals, your checkups. When life happens, that's what your team is there to help you. Financial secret destroys a marriage. It takes away the trust that y'all have built, and one thing is hard. When a spouse doesn't trust you anymore, you don't want to lose that. That is the foundation. Don't destroy the foundation. Have it where you can be transparent. Be vulnerable. Look, one thing you want in a marriage is that your marriage is your, that's your saint, that's your haven. That's your person. Your spouse is your best friend. That's your ride or die. You wanna do life with this person, so don't let anything, children, your job, your business, nothing. Your family come in between the two of you. That's so important. If I have a gentleman listening to this, support your wife, be there for her. Get her what she needs, guide her women one thing over everything that we value is protection, security. Give her that. And that's a wrap, sis. Thanks for tuning in to Sis Mind Your Money. I pray today's episode gave you something real to work with. I'm Bridgett Dickey, your wealth educator and strategist, and I'll catch you in the next episode. Until then, go mind your money, sis. If you have not already, hit subscribe so you will never miss a new episode. New episodes drop every Friday, and trust me, you don't want to miss what's coming up next