Hey, sis. Welcome back. You're tuned in to Sis Mind Your Money, the podcast where we talk all things money, wealth, and financial freedom without the confusion and without the judgment. I'm your host, Bridgett Dickey, wealth educator and strategist, founder of Dickey Financial Services and Wealth Management Firm, and the creator of Girl Mind Your Money movement. My mission is simple: to educate, empower, and equip women like you to take control of your finances and build real, lasting wealth. So grab your favorite drink, get comfortable, and let's get into it. Today we're opening a door most people keep closed divorce and money. Whether you've been through it, you're going through it now, or you know someone who is. This episode is for you. There's no judgment here. Just real talking, real tools. Now I've been down this lane as if, you know, this is a four part series. So I've already talked about being single, engaged, married, and now we're talking all things, being married in the divorce or going through a divorce, and how does that look? How does your money, what happens? All the things. And it is a scary time. I would say probably the biggest part of the divorce is if you have children, is dissolving a marriage. Normally the marriage is already over for some like the marriage has been done. We just saying, you know, bye for some it is out of the blue. You have no idea what's going on. What happened, why is this happening? I don't understand. So everyone is at a different. Point when it comes to the marriage and the marriage being, over or being dissolved, but when you are going through a divorce, some realities that you have to face now, only saving grace, I would say I had on the personal side was, we had it together. We didn't fight about money. That was not the reason for the divorce. Nowhere near it, but, money, it separates things. It shows a lot about what goes on during the divorce. If you need to have a contested divorce, an uncontested divorce, who's gonna pay for what? Sometimes you are still stuck in a marriage because of the financial, or you don't want to leave, or now you're forced to leave and you're not working. You have no money or one spouse made more than the other spouse, and that was my situation that reared his ugly head. Going through the divorce, a lot of bitterness, anger, upset because now you are, the moment you say whomever files for the divorce. If it's the woman, and in my situation, that was me who said, look, I'm done. I'm filing for divorce. The moment that happens, the life with the finances, everything ceases. That means your money stay with you. My money stay with me. How do we handle this? Are we gonna be living in the same house while we dissolve or one of you able to move out? All of those things need to be talked about. You can't expect now you are going through a divorce and for this person to still be willing to financially take care of you. Now, when I made the decision, I knew I could financially take care of myself. I wasn't afraid or scared about that because I had things in place, but these are the things that you. Must have a plan for understand, get support, getting with a financial planner, getting help and support during this time is so important. I have had clients call me and the spouse has said, look, I don't want this anymore. I'm done. And they call me, what do I do? Because when you are going through it, and when I was going through it, you are. It's emotional. You so close in that you can't see anything else. I've had one of my good girlfriends during that time and I talked to financial. I got help because I needed it. Now. I'm no longer married. Now, I'm looking to dissolve this house. It's gonna affect my business accounts, all of this, what you've built, how does this work? But the saving graces that I had a village that helped me that, stood by me and when the days were crazy, Hey, did you think it is, did you look at this? Because when you're in it, at times you can't see everything. You just can't, and it's okay, but you do need village and support. This is not a time for you to, oh, I'm gonna be out on the island by myself. I'm gonna put my S on my chest, and I'm gonna be Superwoman, and I'm gonna handle everything on my own. You need help. You do! Because this is a different time. What I know today and what I would've done differently really would've went through mediation. I did not go through mediation. I would say going through mediation where he had to pay for the attorney. I paid for my attorney to show up. We went and sat down, and we talked about the finances in front of someone and got this all out, that would've helped because when you're trying to handle it all your own, even though I had legal counsel having that mediation, that just would've saved a lot of heartache and time and money. And what? You can make more money. You just can't get your time back. But knowing some of the things that I went through going through mediation would, and a lot of times people feel like you gotta have a child or you must have children or something like that. You can go through mediation and don't have children. I recommend everyone go through mediation. That would've saved a lot of time, made things more formal because once you give someone time to go back and give it to 'em and leave it there, and they'll do it when they feel like they want to do it. That's more time versus when you're in mediation, you have to figure it out right then and there, hopefully, and you want that because that will determine if you go to court or not. But that's money. But I would've said if that would've been money well spent going through mediation and not trying to figure it out with someone because in my situation, it got to a point where they were so done and didn't want this to happen. They was upset and mad. They didn't want to deal with it for like a month. So I was at the mercy of someone else, and so hear me when you're going through this divorce, get the help and the support and go through mediation. Pay the money. Don't get to the point where I'm not doing this, I'm not doing that because that's where I was. I was more focused on, this is my business, this is what I need to do. I wish I would've went through mediation because that would have just saved time and money in the long run. One thing I've learned, because I deal with a lot of women who go through divorce, not having their own financial identity, I had my own financial identity credit score every, like, I had my own financial life. I meet women who don't have anything in their names, don't have credit don't have a bank account. The spouse told them to. We only need one bank account. That sense of control had nothing. No individual credit. This still goes on today, and if you would have had your own financial plan, your life together, then making a transition would be easier. Often, women will stay in a marriage or a situation or a long-term relationship because they don't have the financial means. He controlled everything. You have your own financial life and plan. One bank account, he controls everything. You don't have your own, so now you have no money that you've put to the side for yourself to show that you have a history of paying for things, leaving all the decisions up to the spouse, of him to handle it and take care of it. A lot of women are afraid or scared don't have things together, don't know where to start, sit in shame and embarrassment because they don't want anyone to know that they didn't have it together, and that the secret is nobody have it. No one has it all together. We all just, a few steps ahead. I don't have it all together, and I'm willing to fail and I'm willing to make mistakes, but also willing to ask for help and get the support. But that's hard for some. No beneficiaries on life insurance or retirement accounts. You not on anything. Make sure your name is on everything, and understanding your power that you have when you're going through this divorce. Get help. Do not sit there. Try to do this on your own. Don't chat, GPT Claude, Googling. You need legal assistance and counsel. The Saving Grace was having that attorney. I will put it in the show notes later. You can access it the link, but if you need access to legal counsel, I used it. I paid a monthly membership every month through Legal Shield. You can use my affiliate link and get you some help and support, and I talk to my attorney all the time, send him paperwork, documents, everything of what was needed. So you do need that support and help. Don't do this on your own. Maintain your own credit profile. If you feel like I can't, I'm not ready to pull a trigger, I'm not ready to say, I am ready to go through this divorce. Start doing this right now. Setting up your own credit profile. Start getting managing your money. Have a budget. How to manage your money. Get the six bank account system. It's an episode two. Learn about that. Have a savings account that's in your name. Know where all your money is going at all time. Do not be outdated on what's going on. Know everything that's going on. This is a time if you're going through a divorce or you've been divorced. If you're going through it, get help. If you're divorced, those first few months after the divorce is a scary, crazy time. It is. I was there. If you wanna know more about it, we can talk. I know I will share that journey in other podcasts and things that I talk about, but it is a time where you are just numb. You may be in survival mode. It's like, having a baby that first trimester right, is a horrible time. You're sick, you don't know what to do. You really don't start getting your bearings about yourself until that, that second trimester, that second three months. And it really is rebuilding your name, finding your identity, who you are, opening up a card. If you don't have any credit, then let's start a plan together, rebuilding, getting the help you need. What's the game plan? I had to come up with a new game plan because the game plan was when I was married and this is the things we were gonna do, and then I learned it was no longer we, it's just you. So now what do you need to do? Don't make any rash decisions. Emotional decisions. Don't start doing big things. Take care of you first. Get help. I saw my therapist the whole time I was going through the divorce the whole time even, and after I went through a program to get help with people who have gone through a divorce. This affects your money. If you had a good therapist, and I know I did. We talked about those things, your financial accounts, we went over all of that. You need that support. Separate every account, separate the checkings, the savings, the investments, certain things that make sure beneficiaries are updated. 'cause this is what could happen. What if one of you passed away during the process? I've seen it and nobody's a beneficiary. That means that money goes to the person's estate, not to the person you needed to go to. Make sure life insurance, your 4 0 1 ks, all of that is set up. Know the cost of how much? Is this gonna be a contested or uncontested divorce? Know how much this gonna cost you, right? The attorney fees. How much is this gonna cost you? Moving, housing costs, shifting from one income, you know, you shifting, now you gonna one income. You used to have two. So how does life look now when you're making those types of shifts and changes? These are things that you want to prepare for, have the plan, and what happens is we don't, it is not a rule book. You don't know how things are going to go. Now, one thing I will share with you, the person you are married, that you were married to, you are no longer married to. You're gonna be dealing with somebody that you've never seen before. The person that you've been married to for 10, 20, 15, 30 years, depending on, I've seen people divorce after 20 plus years. You are not dealing with the same person. So know that this is the time to get you together, strengthen your core, your spiritual journey. Get the support and guidance that you need. Make sure you have the six bank account system. Go to episode two. Go back to that. Look at the accounts that you need to have set up. This will help you during this death of a marriage. 'cause it is, you will go through the grieving process, you will. You gonna go through anger, denial, all the steps of the grieving process. You will. I said that anger, the first three months, you are so upset. You're mad, it's things you're not gonna pay attention to. But if, hopefully you can hear what I'm saying. If you put some things in place, learn from what the mistakes I've made. I did reach out at times and get help, and at times I was just on the island by myself. I was so angry, and I didn't handle things. I didn't say things the right way. But if you get that help and the support you need, and let me tell you something, it's just some days it's just gonna be that way, but look at the progress that you have made, take one day at a time. When you're going through a divorce, your financial identity is so important. If you are about to do it, I need you to start setting up accounts, have everything, bank accounts, credit cards, having stuff in your name. I know a lot of women will stay because of the children. If you're going to stay and y'all gonna live separate lives and houses, then you need to make sure you have your identity set up your own bank account, your investments, have things set up. Now, know this, most of us live in a community property state. I'm here in Texas, so anything that are gained or earned or made, and as a business owner, you need support and help you start doing deals and get half of that. Be mindful of the decisions you are going to make in your financial life. Get the help and the support that you need. Don't be assuming you talk to such and such. This is not cookie cutter. Everybody's situation is different. Get legal counsel. Divorce is a reset. It's not a failure, it's a reset. This is not a time to sit, blame, shame, guilt, embarrassment. It's never too late to rebuild. I've learned over the years when you read people memoirs or you know their autobiographies, you will learn so much of all the things that they went through, sickness, divorce, sometimes, once, twice, three times more than that for some. Life happens to everyone. So don't put so much on yourself that you are not looking at life. It's just this is a moment in time. You will get past it. You will be better, you will be stronger. I learned so much about myself during this time. I did some of the scariest things during this time when I was going through a divorce, and I'm seeing the fruits of my labor come and blossom because I was willing to do things that I was afraid of during a time where it's uncertain. You're not for sure. It was stressful, but I was a decision that I made to keep the promise to myself, but it is never too late to rebuild. Your credit score will go back up. You will pay off the debt. Like things, these are not permanent. These are not permanent decisions or permanent situations or permanent things that happen in your life, you will get past it. You gotta go through it to get over it, so it's gonna be ugly. But if you have the help and the support you need, and following this and getting the guidance, you will be fine. Hold your faith, keep your faith, hold on to it, get the support and help. You will hear me say that so much. Get the support and help that you need. And that's a wrap, sis. Thank you for tuning in to Sis Mind Your Money. I pray today's episode gave you something real to work with. I'm Bridgett Dickey, your wealth educator and strategist, and I'll catch you in the next episode. Until then, go mind your money, sis. Real quick, if you're loving this show, please take 30 seconds and leave us a five-star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It helps other women to find this show, and it truly means everything to me. Go do it right now while you're thinking about it.