Incompatible Energies

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to Cataclysm Corner. I'm your host, Val. I don't give answers, I give awakenings. If you're here, something in your life is already shifting. Let's poke it. Here's today's question. And this episode is going to be different than my prior episodes. I have a story to tell. I have decided to expand on my episodes, my episodal content. Um, I have taken a few days to adjust and really decide on how I want to expand this. And I have decided. So, to begin, here's the question: What if it wasn't that they didn't want you, but that they couldn't hold you? Consider individuality and how everyone has their own personality and energies. Consider energetic compatibility. My mother, whom I do love, but not in a deep-rooted care manner, uh, abandoned me. When I was three days or three months old, she left me with my father, who was in a wheelchair, due to an accident that left him paralyzed from the waist down and unable to work. Side note, I will not be editing this video, so you have to tolerate my children and all of their shenanigans. So she left me with my dad, who is wheelchair bound. Okay. I say three days, three months, because I'm not exactly sure of which is the actual truth, as it's a he said, she said type of controversy. Anywho, needless to say, this was the first of many abandonments. Throughout my whole childhood, she would make promises that were never kept. Hey, I'm gonna come get you this weekend. Never come visit. Hey, I'm gonna come visit. Doesn't show up. I'll be there. Not in sight. I got you. Disappear as soon as shit gets real. The empty promises were never ending. For three decades of my existence, I tried everything. Being compassionate and empathetic to her personal blight, shrinking my feelings, my personality, my anger towards her, forgiving her, doing my best to mend the bond with heart to hearts, everything fell flat. Why? Because it takes two to tango. Let me elaborate. I could name and explain the wound until I was purple in the face. Yes, purple, because I've carried it way past blue in my many attempts. However, the fact that she lacked true accountability and an honest desire to mend our bond, she never listened to understand. She only listened to respond. Every single time I would name a wound, regardless of which one, she would shut down and start cycling through a series of avoidant, a series of avoidant presets. I was young, I was scared, I didn't know how. I did the best I could, which were then followed by a series of trauma dumps. She would tell me about how this or this happened to her or how I tended to trigger her. Look, I get it. I am a walking catalyst. However, the part she failed to realize is that I can be a tower or a star. How I affect you is a personal and individual choice. Do I inspire you to be better for you? Or do I crack and destroy your fake foundations? Since she couldn't do her own shadow work and healing, I always seemed to destroy her scaffolding. To circle back to the question, I came to realize that it wasn't because she didn't want me. It wasn't because she didn't love me. It was simply that she couldn't hold me. Not in a physical sense, you know, like, let me give you a hug. Not like that. But in an energetic way. She merely couldn't handle my authenticity and truth. Consider that when addressing your own wounds or traumas, and remember to love yourself. Not in an egotistical or narcissistic way, but in an un but in unconditional love. I hope that helps. This was Cataclysm Corner with Val. If something in you is twitching, good. That's the point. Go let that question mess with your life a little. Dive deep, baby. Figure it out. You got this. All of the answers are in you to catch you in the next disruption.