Useful VS Valued

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Welcome to Cataclysm Corner. I'm your host, Val. I don't give answers. I give awakenings. If you're here, something in your life is already shifting. Let's poke it. Here's today's question. What if your worth was never something to earn, but something meant to be recognized within self? Consider the difference between the two main frames of worth useful versus valuable. Consider a lighthouse useful to everyone, but only valuable to some. I spent my whole life being useful, friends, family, partners, and even strangers. I felt like I was only worth something if I could help people. Yes, I was a people pleaser. I accepted everyone's trauma dumps because I knew that the best way I could help was to assist them alchemizing trauma into lessons. I was wrong in a way that was self-harming. I overexerted and overburdened myself by carrying their baggage. I based my own worth in being useful. The funny thing about being useful that nobody acknowledges is that once something is no longer useful, it's cast aside. Think about an object, something that's useful, like a tool. Once that tool is no longer useful, what do you do with it? You put it back on the shelf or you put it away, or hell, if it breaks, you throw it away, right? I'm not calling anyone an object or anyone a tool. It's just the best-fitting metaphor. I come to I came to realize that nobody actually valued me. They didn't care about how I felt, what I was going through to help them, or even the toll that it took on my mental health. I became anxious anytime I walked into a crowd, even if that crowd was made up of family. As a somatic empath with Claire Cognizance, I could feel everything communal. Whatever emotions or burdens people were experiencing, I could feel. Needless to say, it would quickly overwhelm me. I knew before walking into a field, and my anxiety would peak so hard that most family gatherings would make me physically sick. I literally used to get sick and have to isolate myself in a bathroom or a bedroom or, you know, somewhere else. I would have to isolate myself because I would have to vomit or I would be nauseous. And I just I would feel very ill. My mother used to joke that I was allergic to Christmas, which was not true at all. It wasn't limited to one holiday. She made that assumption a few years after me being ill at every Christmas that I spent with her and that side of the family as a child.

SPEAKER_00 3:40

This allergy to Christmas, as she coined it, was very prominent as a child and through my teenage years.

SPEAKER_01 3:56

In hindsight, I see that even as a child, I was super sensitive and susceptible to others' internal states. I decided to no longer base my worth in usefulness. I decided to value myself since nobody else would. Now, think about an heirloom. An heirloom is something precious, treasured, treated with respect and care. This is how I began to view myself, past my usefulness. That doesn't mean I no longer see myself as useful, but that I value myself above others' needs. I refuse to harm myself to make anyone feel better about themselves. I value myself because I know my worth. Consider whether you feel useful or valued the next time you find yourself in a situation that makes you feel unworthy.

SPEAKER_00 4:55

Love yourself unconditionally by allowing yourself to value you. This was Cataclysm Corner with Val. If something in you is twitching, good. That's the point, baby.

SPEAKER_01 5:11

Go let that question mess with your life a little, and I'll catch you in the next disruption.