Behind the Velvet Rope: Bouncing, Myths, and Reality

In this episode of Cruz Control, Aaron Cruz takes listeners behind the velvet rope and into the unpredictable world of nightclub security.

Drawing from his years working as head of security in strip clubs, Aaron reflects on violence, ego, control, loneliness, and the psychology of nightlife. What begins as a conversation about security work quickly becomes a deeper exploration of human behavior, how people act when desire, alcohol, money, and emotion collide.

This isn’t a collection of wild stories. It’s a thoughtful conversation about masculinity, confrontation, power, and what working in chaos teaches you about people and yourself.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Cruise Control, navigating the chaos, one conversation at a time. This is an ongoing conversation with Aaron Cruz, a competitive bodybuilder, mixed martial artist, ironworker, business owner, researcher, philosopher, spiritual explorer, and much more. Each episode explores where physical discipline meets inner work, where strength, belief, ancestry, and purpose intersect. No scripts, no personas, just an honest conversation about the many layers that shape how to move through the world. Let's get into it.

SPEAKER_02 0:40

Hello there and welcome back to Cruise Control: Navigating the Chaos One Conversation at a Time. Well, this is one of those episodes, one for the world and one for us. And I'm not gonna lie, this one could be for me. We are taking you behind the velvet rope. So, Aaron, what are we talking about today?

SPEAKER_01 1:05

Um, it sounds like you're asking me about my little short career that I had in in uh working in the strip clubs.

SPEAKER_02 1:12

From archaeologist to head of security at one of the most prominent the strip club throughout the Coachella Valley.

SPEAKER_01 1:22

The only one worth speaking about, anyways. I mean, there's been a couple more out here, but they've all kind of flopped and failed over the years. But yeah, there's there's one that's that's maintained longevity and kind of its reputation in town, and it's still there. I haven't been there in years, but I uh I worked there for years.

SPEAKER_02 1:39

Yeah. Well, I mean, we've gone from talking about the existence of God to boobs. All of a sudden everyone's a believer now. Well, this is just, you know, I mean, I think people's first reaction to this is okay, well, this is gonna be like schoolboy. But I I think it's a fascinating aspect of your your life and your journey, and I think you have a very interesting insight into what the reality, the myth of working as security, bouncing. There's one story that I'm excited about, and I was at one point, you know, this was a working title of the episode today was tripping over a massive bag of cocaine.

SPEAKER_01 2:31

That's happened. I was the one that tripped. That's and I'm and I'm pretty graceful. Um it's it's pretty hard to knock me off.

SPEAKER_02 2:40

Woof. So uh but I I I think, you know, re removing the the myth of what most people, men and women, think that reality is, I think is gonna make for an interesting episode. I you know, and right out of the gate, I wanna I am not a titty bar guy.

SPEAKER_01 3:01

Me either.

SPEAKER_02 3:01

I'm not, I'm just not. I've been in, yes, I've been in them. And I was able to, based on the last time I was in a titty bar, which was in Vegas, um, I was able to remember because I went to a movie the next day, I looked up when that movie came out, and it was 2008. Wow. So I have not been. I just to to watch a bunch of naked women tease me, spend a lot of money, and go home was never my manifesto.

SPEAKER_01 3:29

Yeah, it's a it's a it's a weird idea of what what people think is gonna happen, what they're gonna get out of it, and what to expect there.

SPEAKER_02 3:37

I just don't, I don't um, it's just not, it's never been my thing. For me, it was always about the thrill of getting a phone number back in the day.

SPEAKER_01 3:47

That's probably why your bank account's still pretty healthy, right?

SPEAKER_02 3:50

Well, yeah, no bad marriages, no uh California divorce.

SPEAKER_01 3:55

Oh my god, the amount of money people blow and waste in establishments like that. It's kind of like going to a casino, you know. Once in a while you go to a casino, once in a while you go to a cabaret or a TD bar. Yeah. Maybe once every few years on a special occasion, certain party or something of a of a colleague, and you end up in an establishment like that, and it's just ridiculous, man. I know from experience, from working there all the time, there's regulars there every day. Yeah. Every day. And they were not just, you know, spending 20 bucks. They were they were spending savings in there.

SPEAKER_02 4:25

Yeah. I've I've got some friends that this is their thing. So, you know, you gotta go. And and uh I've also watched some one friend in particular who was one of the smartest, so successful men I've ever known, go, wow, this girl really thinks I'm good looking. And then I saw him at the ATM across the room.

SPEAKER_01 4:43

And I'm Well, there's gotta there's gotta be a little stupid in that brain of intelligence somewhere.

SPEAKER_02 4:48

And and and again, I'm no prude. I mean, I have been to various countries around the world, for example, Thailand, and and really had a great time at what they called the go-go bars.

SPEAKER_01 4:58

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 4:59

But they it's it that's a little different.

SPEAKER_01 5:02

Did you go go every night when you were there?

SPEAKER_02 5:05

I mean, you know, uh, I had a good time, but it was a that experience was different than uh uh you know the titty bar experience, not just like from a sex standpoint, but like they you know it was like you were paying for a girlfriend for 24 hours versus a greasy pair of boobies in your face.

SPEAKER_01 5:28

Yeah. And and here in America, the like the like the establishment I worked in, titty bar, especially here in California, man, it's nothing like that. You don't get a girlfriend for 24 hours for for X amount of money. You get you get interest out of a woman in a titty bar for an hour or two until somebody else comes in with bigger with bigger pockets and bigger money. It's it's a business for sure. And it's not a chicken ranch, it's not a whorehouse. It's not, there's no soliciting going on. It's it's pretty clean. And I think the misconception most people have, like I, like I said, I I agree. I don't I'm not a titty bar guy because I've worked in one and I've seen the behind the scenes. But if I was ever to go into one again, like I know what it is at face value. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm not looking for any kind of company in an establishment like that. No, no way, not especially after working in one. But if people take it at face value, it's a bar. It's alcohol, it's you know, dimly lit, there's music going, there's social interaction, and it just happens to be that there's half-naked women walking around the room, then it's worth it if you take it at that.

unknown 6:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:35

But if you go there with expectations and think something else is gonna happen at the end of the night or she really cares about you, or is interested in you, yeah. You're I guarantee you're not the sexiest person she's ever met, and she's probably whispering that in your ear. Um, but yeah, it's a business.

SPEAKER_02 6:49

Well, okay, let me uh let me do the intro to this because I slaved over it for hours.

SPEAKER_01 6:55

Let's rock.

SPEAKER_02 6:56

Most people think they understand strip club culture because they've seen it in movies, heard stories, or let's face it, spent a few hours inside of one. But working security inside that environment, night after night, gives you a very different perspective, not just on nightlife, but on human nature itself. Today, Aaron and I are talking about what really happens behind the velvet rope and what those years taught him about ego, violence, loneliness, power, and control.

SPEAKER_01 7:32

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 7:33

So, Aaron, again, what I mean, how do you go from digging up the talk talkwish?

SPEAKER_01 7:41

Talkwish, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:42

Uh, you know, uh boogeyman to working over off of Perez at the titty bar?

SPEAKER_01 7:51

Um, it's a great question. And the answer to that would be jujitsu and fighting, basically. Um, so you know, a lot of my time I spent training, beating each other up, kicking each other's ass, learning how to choke each other out and break break each other's bones in class and and whatnot, and uh kind of hone the fighting skills and toughen up quite a bit. So, point of fact, a lot of my my buddies that I trained with were pretty big, burly, manly, intimidating people, right? As you you want to be a monster, you gotta train yourself around monsters and surround yourself around monsters. And um, fortunately, half of them uh were highly sought after to be private security, party security, club security, uh, you know, escort strippers to hotels and kind of protect people in different different environments, and it kind of fell into my lap that way. So this guy I used to train with was working, and he said, Man, we need an extra guy, and you'd be you'd be perfect. You've you've already bounced out a couple places and done a couple private events here and there. We need somebody full-time, man, and you know, you have a presence about you, and it just you'd you'd be a good fit. So I looked at my schedule and thought, well, I'm not really doing anything at night but sleeping, getting ready for work the next day. I might as well go make some money.

unknown 9:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:13

And uh went down and that's kind of how I fell into it. So it was just for from my my training partners.

SPEAKER_02 9:18

Okay, got it. So it was through fighting. Yeah. You looked apart, so yeah. Um, and you can handle yourself. So I guess those are probably the two requirements. You want someone who's got presence. Yeah, it it works, you know. Well, well, what was having, I'm sure, been in in strip clubs uh prior to working in a strip club when you were walking through the doors that first night with intent, you know, working there, not going in there after, you know, half a dozen Budweisers on payday. What was what was your first impression of the environment?

SPEAKER_01 9:53

I was kind of looking forward to getting into a fight, to be honest. I just thought, well, how cool is this, man? Yeah, I'm gonna bear naked booby. I'm gonna make a paycheck and and I get to choke somebody out, you know? It's my job to to choke somebody out, and it sounds pretty good now. Carry them out the door. So I was kind of excited about that. And it's a lot less than that. And you think like you you nailed it, you know, there's a presence that you have, and that presence kind of fills the room and it deters people from being dumbasses when they when they when they want to. And and a lot of times if they encountered me walking through the door, if I was working the front door or really close to the front door, you know, I'd I'd I'd get to greet everybody that came in and they'd know, like, okay, this guy's gonna be serious, he's gonna be a handful. So I mean, it it it it kind of just deters bad things from happening, is the is the presence part of it. And that's a big part of it, and problem solving and kind of de-escalating things, and there's always things to de-escalate in that environment.

SPEAKER_02 10:51

Yeah. I was gonna ask you, uh, I mean, is that reading people? Uh, is that part of what makes someone successful in that business?

SPEAKER_01 11:03

I think you have to be good at reading people before you even start in that business. I think that's kind of a hard thing to learn in that environment. If you don't have that skill and you get into that environment, you kind of get sucked into the nightlife and there's all kinds of distractions that will pull you left or right. But if you have that kind of a uh people reading skill, if you can read the room and kind of anticipate where the issues might be, um, it definitely helps you along in that scenario for sure. And still to this day, I haven't worked in a club in years and years and years. But if me or my family are me and you go out to eat, like I'm always sitting with my back against the wall, looking right at the front door, because I'm I'm reading the room. It's just a habit that's that's been drilled into me. I want to see everything that's going on. And it's the same in the the night nightclub environment.

unknown 11:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:48

Keeping your wits about you.

SPEAKER_01 11:50

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_02 11:51

What um did you get immune to it? Like, for example, I I spent the a large period of my life making a living as a portrait photographer when I lived in LA. I had my own studio. As a result, I was around a lot of women who were always, you know, put in hair, makeup was done, put into certain clothing, and I'd take pictures of them. All my guy friends would always be like, Oh, that's incredible. You get to be around. And I go, you know what? After you hear them talk for three hours prior to actually taking photos, the last thing you want to do is spend more time. Right. What did you did you feel yourself become desensitized to, you know, the that kind of environment or those kind of women or yeah, to be honest, man, it it wasn't even enticing or exciting to be around a room full of naked women after the first week.

SPEAKER_01 12:45

Yeah. You know, it's it's you're there to do a a job and to to protect people and protect the house and watch after money and watch drug, drug moving around the room. And there's you you're so can consumed by everything else in the environment. Like the women are just part of the background at that point.

unknown 13:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:04

And you you you become really close to them like sisters or friends or or or even your daughters, you know, and it's just like you you don't really see the nakedness so much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's that that that's kind of blown the first week. You know, the first week you're like, holy shit, there's there's naked bodies everywhere. And then after the the second week, you're just like, oh, here we go again. Yeah. More drunk people, more cocaine, more fighting, more tweakers.

SPEAKER_02 13:29

One time you said to me that strip clubs uh expose human behavior in its raw splendor. What did you mean by that?

SPEAKER_01 13:38

Well, I think I think sex does in general. You know, sex is a a very primal kind of emotion and and and act that we we have. And you you put a bunch of people in a room where 90% of the women in there are pretty close to naked, and they're they smell good and they they talk real sensual and sexy to to the to the patrons. It's it's that sex sells kind of business in there. And so when you put a bunch of people in there that maybe aren't happy at home, maybe their relationships are falling apart and and blowing up, maybe they're having trouble at work and they go there to live this fantasy out and expectation. Once once people can get into that mentality where they're separate from reality, I think that's where you start seeing all these kind of really weird behaviors come out of people. Because when they go back outside of that door, they go back to being a normal person, right? But in there, it's just kind of like a not very real scenario in there. And that's what gets them in trouble. Then they have to deal with me and the other bouncers because they're they're not acting very realistic and sensible, you know?

SPEAKER_02 14:49

Totally. I've, you know, having never been married before and being a man of a certain age, you know, there's a large period of my life where all of my peers, all my guy friends, were married. And whenever we got pushed into this situation of the titty bar, um I mean, can we say titty bar or is it strip club? Is it it's it's all the above.

SPEAKER_01 15:09

Are we offending anyone? It's a cabaret, it's a titty bar, it's a strip club. It's a gentleman's club. More fun to say. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:16

Gentleman's club. That's yeah. I mean, if you look at the this is where I'm leading with it. Is anything but gentlemen's club?

SPEAKER_01 15:22

If you look at the science outside, most of them say gentlemen's club. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's that's it's a titty bar.

SPEAKER_02 15:27

Yeah. So they would always, I'd watch it, some of them would admit it. It wasn't ever really about, you know, some girl putting boobs on them. It was about getting the attention. Sure. That's a big part of it. And they're not getting that attention at home, you know, especially if they've been married for a while. And I always kind of thought, Jesus, these guys are paying just to be told you're great, you're handsome.

SPEAKER_01 15:51

100%. It's a lot of and on that note, exactly, just to add to what you're saying, to validate what you're saying. Some of the most successful women friends that I had working in the club, the highest earners might not even do a lap dance. The highest earners are are people that just kind of sat with with the patrons and talked to them real nice and maybe put their hand on their shoulder while they're talking to the to the gentleman or whoever, whoever comes in, and they're just, you know, making really nice eye contact, talking real soft and kind of sensual. Yeah. Maybe they're not getting that at home, you know. So if you have a wife or a long-term girlfriend, it's probably kind of true. Exactly. And she's she doesn't have her her hand on your shoulder when she's asking you those things in a not sensual way. So I think a lot of people are just looking for that kind of attention that maybe they're they're lacking. Totally.

SPEAKER_02 16:43

Well, I have bartended, and this was in the 90s, so it was, you know, before all the craft cocktails, it was like a gin and tonic and a Heineken. It was real. It was a pretty rowdy, uh, rough bar um called the West End in North Carolina, and we had a mixture of frat guys and guys from Fort Bragg. So you can imagine it kicked off pretty regularly. Somebody's getting punched.

SPEAKER_01 17:09

Yeah, we we wasn't immune to that. We had we had all the military guys come down from the Marine Base in 29 palms every weekend, you know. They'd they'd they'd be down here religiously.

SPEAKER_02 17:19

What what do you think? I mean, you know, when you're sober in that environment and you're what before we get to drugs, watching people night after night who are drunk, what is, I mean, psychologically, what what do you what are your thoughts on that? You know?

SPEAKER_01 17:37

I mean, it's it's it's horrible when you see regulars come in on a daily basis, at least a couple of times a week, and and they walk in with the same kind of look on their face, and you know, they spend six six six hours-ish inside of a titty bar drinking, doing drugs, um, just getting smashed out of their mind, spending all kinds of money, and they kind of leave with the same depressed look on their face that they left with, you know, two days ago, but they could keep coming back for more. Um, so yeah, it's it's it's it's kind of intense, man, to see see that mentality in there like that. You know, it's this uh it's not the healthiest environment, especially if it's part of your normal everyday routine.

SPEAKER_03 18:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:18

And even for myself, I wasn't partying at the time. Um, I wasn't even drinking at the time that I was working in a club. I was 100% sober. And just being in that environment and kind of saturated and soaked in everybody else's isms and energy and depression, and ugly, I felt it personally. It would drain it out of me. I'd go, I'd get home, and mind you, I was working in the daytime at a gym. Then I'd I'd work at nighttime at the club. So I was exhausted already. But just how much it was draining just being around those people in that environment sucked the life out of me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:52

Well, take taking a break from the psychology of it all, because I know I can hear some of the boys back at the gym want to get down to the nitty-gritty. Let's talk about when you titty titty. When you had to throw down. Give us a couple of instances. I know you said there was one guy you were seeing along across the room, and you just when you had to when the play called for it and you had to get down, tell us about one of those situations.

SPEAKER_01 19:16

Well, there's a few, but um, this this one that I'm gonna tell is pretty interesting. Um, it's pretty visual, I guess, if for people that are just listening to me tell a story. I'm gonna try to paint a picture, but I was working the door. Um, I had a friend of mine from the gym that was looking for extra work. So I talked him up to the owner of the club and they agreed to hire him if I took him under my wing and kind of trained him on the floor for the first month or so that he was there. So mind you, this was I'm not gonna say his name, but this was his first night working in the club shadowing me. And I'm working at the door, checking IDs, greeting people, and there was two guys that came in together. And you could tell they they had some pregame partying going on already. They didn't just start the night. They were kind of they were a little they were a little little marinated and saturated and something. And um I kind of expected them to be an issue at some point, just from their their tone of voice and their volume, and you know, you you can you can read the room pretty good, man. You know when people are gonna be an issue. So fast forward about an hour before we close, these two guys are at the bar and they're just screaming at each other. And the whole night they they were happy go lucky, man. They were best best buds, right? Towards the end of the night, they're they started not liking each other so much. So we had to go talk them down a couple times and ask them to to turn it down or leave, come back again next week if they want to come back. And they didn't like that very much, but they they finally kind of got quiet. At the end of the night, we call all the girls back to the the dressing room, so out of public view, because we're getting ready to turn the lights all the way on. And when the lights come on in the strip club, yeah, ooh, there's a whole there's a bunch of stories there. We turn the lights on so it's a visual cue for the patrons to get the heck out. So all the girls are not visible, then we start getting clearing the room, getting everybody out. That's a task in itself because they're half drunk, they're tweaking on this, that, and the other, uh Molly Coke, and they want to party. So a lot of the times the issues are at the very end of the night at closing time. Now these two guys decided to try to like tee off on each other right at the bar when the lights came on. They were kind of smacking each other around a little bit. So I told my buddy that was shadowing me. I said, grab this one and we're just gonna walk him out. Just follow me. Just grab him by the arm and say, You gotta go. Let's go. I'll do all the talking. All right, guys, party's over, time to go. Can't do this here. So we started dragging them outside of the front door. Get him out to the front door, I let him go. They get about two steps away from me past the front door in the entrance and they started fighting each other again. I say, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I told you guys you can't do this here. And by here means all the way to the curb. This whole parking lot belongs to the owner. This is the property I'm watching. If you guys want to kick each other's ass, go out to the curb out there and beat the shit out of each other all you want. But if you do it right here, it's my problem. You don't want me to have a problem with you, I told them. So they started walking across the parking lot. About halfway across the parking lot, they didn't get to the curb. They started at each other again. So I told my buddy I said hey come on it's a it's it's about to get real went out about halfway to the parking lot. I grabbed the big big loud obnoxious guy by the shoulder and spun him around to me. When I spun him around to me his eyes were just bugged out biggest pupils I've ever seen and I was just like oh okay he's definitely on some drugs he squared up with me and as soon as he took the uh offensive posture I just let one go. Got him right in the job knocked him out smooth. One shot my buddy was like oh dang like this is what I'm getting paid to do. So he starts wrestling around with the other guy. Now mind you I just hit this guy solid man and I was a I was a trained fighter I could throw a punch knock people out before he went face down into the ground out cold and sprung up like half a second later just wide awake ready to go again. Shit. Oh shit. So now I definitely know there's cocaine or methamphetamines involved because you don't recover that fast normally. You're usually down for a minute or two. Adrenaline Yeah he was wide awake and ready to go so I said oh this is gonna get a little little funky so I said in my mind I was thinking if I just knock him out he's gonna do it again. The drugs are he's amped like he's super amped up so I spun him around and I put a rare naked choke on it. Turned his computer off and put him to sleep and with that you don't come back from as fast. I choked him out standing up and kind of gently laid him down face down and he started scrambling around again and I was like wow this dude is not good. So at this point he starts trying to grab my legs and this is this is the part where I probably did a little too much he's kind of on all fours reaching for my legs facing down I just picked him up by his head and slammed his head into the parking lot face first. And then the next thing I I look at was teeth all over the all over the parking lot there's rocks and teeth and I couldn't tell which ones were rocks or teeth. So he gets up all dripping blood out of his face you know gaps in his teeth and spitting out teeth and he was like what happened he was so out of it and it was he got knocked out choked out slammed into the street meth, coke whatever else he was on all working in his system at the same time and then he finally realized I wasn't effing around with this guy anymore so he walked out to the to the street and left later on that night I heard from one of the dancers that he was at the 7 Eleven right down the street from the club that I used to work at and him and his buddy were in there robbing the store dripping in blood because I just bloodied them up and they got arrested. But that was that that was the introduction to my buddy's first night at work.

SPEAKER_02 25:28

What how did he handle his guy?

SPEAKER_01 25:30

Um his his guy wasn't combative.

unknown 25:33

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 25:34

He was kind of taking the brunt brunt end of the big guy that I handled yeah he was kind of picking on his his less combative buddy so I told my friend handle this guy I'm gonna get this guy why the jaw why is your first punch to the jaw it was just a reaction. Okay. Yeah nose not the early no I wanted to knock him out so that's because he was combative.

SPEAKER_01 25:55

If I punch you in the nose it's gonna break your nose it's gonna make your eyes water you know there's gonna be lots of blood everywhere. It's kind of messy but it doesn't take the fight out of a lot of people especially the jaw is gonna Well yeah the jaw if you hit him hit him at a certain place on the jaw what happens is is the brain kind of bounces around and touches the inner part of your skull that's what the knockout comes from so it's from making contact from your your brain to your inside of your skull. Yeah so it sends like a little flash signal to your your computer and reboots it so you go to sleep for an instant. Yeah. Well so I was in in a street fight I was always going for the knockout. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 26:35

The putting them to sleep how do you know you've put them to sleep and you haven't killed them?

SPEAKER_01 26:41

Well it's just years and years of training in jujitsu man you feel their body go limp and you let go.

SPEAKER_02 26:46

You know it's they're not gonna die from that.

SPEAKER_01 26:48

No. They couldn't possibly die if you don't let go if you keep squeezing on them. So you just know when to let go. Oh you feel the whole body just go night night there's no resistance it's it's like boiled spaghetti man it's just the whole thing just goes limp.

SPEAKER_02 27:03

I just you know I've never had any I mean I've have I I'm from North Carolina and of course you know rednecks have I been hit have I thrown a punch absolutely but I was much younger the minute a fight breaks out I start talking to everyone's girlfriend. Sure. Oh you're that guy yeah I'm that guy as soon as the guys are all amped up and talking shit I'm like boom now's the opportunity to go talk to the you're you're the real dangerous one in that scenario. Yeah for sure wow well okay so um yeah that's that's pretty intense is there any in that situation as an employee of the the the the strip club is there any kind of legal ramifications? I mean what do you think when can you unleash a can of whip ass and it's justifiable?

SPEAKER_01 27:48

Yeah I mean you're you're there basically primarily for the owner's liability and to keep the owner uh in compliance and keep the club in compliance and it's just because you're a bouncer at a titty bar or strip club or a nightclub or anywhere does not give you a green light to to put your hands on people. I mean legally I could have gotten a assault and battery charge if that guy would have pressed charges for sure. But that guy's not going to press charges he was out of his Gordon robbing 7-Elevens and spitting his teeth out. Like he wasn't gonna go his first thing was not to go call the cops right yeah yeah um I would you always use my own judgment and believe it or not like I I didn't have to knock out lots of people at the TD bar. A lot of times my presence was enough my words were enough um there's other actions before you get to that that point but when he turned around in the parking lot after I put my hand on his shoulder it squared up in an offensive posture like he wanted to get into it with me now I'm in defense mode and I don't care how much money you pay me or how much tips I'm making from the girls like I'm going home to my family at night. Like I'm I'm not going to the hospital I'm not gonna allow myself to go to the hospital and they always say well you got to take one shot first like no fuck that man like I'm I'm going home with all my teams squared off like a boxing like a button is like white knuckled and ready to ready to swing inside of so to me that's that's enough. That's that's a green light to put him to sleep and and usually I just try to do it real quick.

SPEAKER_02 29:21

I would imagine and he went instantly out and he woke instantly up and I was like holy shit is this is a drug well how much you're in the environment everyone's partying having a good time you're you know you're seeing everything how much leeway do you give someone who's being drunk or maybe someone who's on a little bit of cocaine maybe you see it going around I imagine you see everything. I mean is there any leeway or is it zero toleration?

SPEAKER_01 29:50

Um as far as this club and the owner there is zero tolerance for any kind of drug activity. Got it so if there's talks about drugs, if there's visible um passing from person to person drugs or you know uh anything visible was 100% not tolerated.

SPEAKER_02 30:08

Yeah. I can't remember what the situation was but you put hands on someone someone grabbed you or did something and you you got them out the door and then later that night you're cleaning up picking up and you trip over a large bag of cocaine.

SPEAKER_01 30:23

Yeah that was uh yeah pretty much like that so what what happened was you have the front door entrance cash register um the hostess is usually working the register charging door charges as people come in and either myself or a buddy is checking IDs and patting people down kind of you know giving them the once over looking through girls' purses if they have purses and and kind of just doing the general screening now about five feet away from me is a little walkway and another five feet from that is the the start of the bar. So in between myself at the door and the bar um it wasn't it wasn't exactly at the end of the night what what it was is we were still in business still open lights were down music was pumping people walking everywhere girls walking everywhere guests walking everywhere and the the bartender she had called me she had waved me over because she was having some problems with somebody at the bar paying their bill or something I can't remember the exact detail but usually when she called us over it was because there was some dickhead at the bar that was contesting a bill or something right so we're we're there just to make sure the house got paid and everything got taken care of. On my way within that not even 10 feet space between me and the and the bar I'm walking straight straight to the bartender and I'm very sure footed man like I have really good balance. I'm not the guy that's just gonna trip and fall in front of people and ha ha look at Aaron fell down. I'm I'm pretty stable on my feet man I'm pretty pretty comfortable and pretty confident and I tripped and I was I was a little shocked by it because it was you know it's not expecting it. And I looked down to see what the fuck just tripped me. I didn't trip on anybody there wasn't anybody in my immediate foot space and there's nothing on the floor between me and there normally when I looked down to see what I tripped on I don't know man it must have been a couple ounces of cocaine in one bag and it just you know it made my step so unsure like I I stumbled a little bit yeah I tripped on a sandbag I I tripped on a sandbag of cocaine in a strip club.

SPEAKER_02 32:37

And and did they just happen to leave it or was this somebody you kicked out?

SPEAKER_01 32:40

I mean what No it was it was definitely accident for sure like somebody probably reached in a pocket or hate to be the guy that's got to answer to that guy's yeah for sure. Because it it wasn't a small bag of cocaine it was enough to make a 250 pound man trip. Wow and I was about 250 when I was working there 240 and uh I lost my footing because it was such a big big bag of cocaine.

SPEAKER_02 33:04

Now when I blew my mind man I was like holy shit when I was in high school my mother you know who was a hippie Woodstock all that jazz she she found my weed and gave me the lecture you know you're too young you can't be doing drugs there's something else I need to know and I let her go through the motions and I looked her right in the eye and I said Mom what did you do with the weed she's like I flushed it down the toilet and I looked her right back in the eye and I was like the hell you did you smoked it I know I was like mom you did not take that what we called back in the day marijuana and flush it down the toilet she started laughing.

SPEAKER_01 33:43

Well I got one up on you you you you know my mom yeah uh just to add to your story I came home from from high school one day hi mom remember this story I know you do and uh I was actually growing some some nice plants in my closet and uh this was when I was in high school and the first thing I do every day when I came home from high school was open up my my closet door and get my spray bottle out and talk to them and smell them and rub the buds and the leaves and you know smell my fingers and I opened up my closet door one day when I came home and it was empty and my heart dropped and I was like oh shit yeah I got caught so back to the club.

SPEAKER_02 34:23

All right you trip over a massive bag of cocaine it must have been a couple ounces for sure a couple of ounces okay that's a walk us through what happens after you trip.

SPEAKER_01 34:34

Uh just like your mom you go straight to the toilet and flush that um you flushed that huge bag of Coke Charlie China down the toilet. Yeah let the owner know or well the owner was there and seen me pick it up okay he was coming out to see what was going on behind the bar because there was that discrepancy that I was going to go help out with so he he had just made it behind the bar and he seen me kind of trip and reach down and pick something up and it was the look in his eyes he knew what it was and he actually walked to the bathroom with me.

SPEAKER_02 35:05

Bet he did yeah he did he's he has zero tolerance for that stuff in his establishment nobody came back huh no no who's gonna ask for that I was sitting over there and I'm like who's gonna raise their hand and say is there lost and found exactly my girlfriend's munchy chi um well all right now that we've talked about the the violence and the drugs and alcohol I think it's time to segue over to the ladies.

SPEAKER_01 35:32

That's what it is.

SPEAKER_02 35:33

So it's all about I've known one of the most successful women I've ever known I knew her for a long time uh big time interior designer you know very successful found out years later she was was a stripper in Vegas and this this woman had the most incredible work ethic I've ever known what what is the you know what is the misconception that people have about dancers?

SPEAKER_01 36:01

That they're hookers they're prostitutes that they're easy to take home that they're available if the price is right that they're there to answer any anything at their beckoning call you know it's just it's not that at all um a lot of a lot of the the women that I I worked alongside with I got really close to made really good friends with men because we spent years together and a lot of them are wives or a lot of them are are mothers a lot of them have other jobs um they're they're actually quite respectable most of them and of course you're gonna have you know a few that aren't but that's in anything in life you know not not every policeman's gonna be an awesome cop or a bad cop not every teacher's gonna be the best teacher you know there's there's shitty people out there and there's really good people out there in in any industry and the majority of the girls that I worked alongside with were amazing women man and it just made you kind of wanted to protect them a little bit more and watch out for them. Yeah and it it got to a point where I had a working relationship with a lot of them that were there for a long time as long as I was um it would just take a specific look you know so if I was on the floor I'd be counting lap dances for the for the house I'd be watching like a tally sheet.

SPEAKER_02 37:20

Wait, hang on a second what do you mean counting lap dances?

SPEAKER_01 37:23

Well every lap dance that happens the house gets a cut. So if there's a girl and she's giving five lap dances in a row you know the owner is probably not going to trust that she's gonna go and claim five lap dances because she's got to give money for each one of those to the house. So of course the owner would have us tally lap dances so we'd have we'd have a sign in sheet every night and the sign in sheet the girls would have to pay the house fee. Just to come to work whether they made money or not you'd have to pay the house kind of like renting a barber chair or a salon chair right you want to do your business there. You're an independent contractor at that point you're doing as much work as you want to do and making as much money as you want to make but you got to pay a flat flat fee to the house for being allowed to come in and be a stripper. Yeah. On top of that the house gets a cut of every lap dance so every time the DJ changes the song if your name was Mercedes or whatever your stripper name was you there'd be a sign-in sheet and every time uh the song would change if you're still performing that dance it's it's another one on the ticker sheet. So at the end of the night at that point if I was working the floor I'd have this huge ticker sheet with a thousand lap dances on it that I'd have to go collect from all the girls from so when I was on the floor like I was saying I I had developed such a relationship with a lot of these women like really good friends man and I really cared about them wanted to protect them it would just take a certain look. So if a guy was being out of hand instead of causing a scene and her starting to scream or you know that that's a bad look on business she would look at me eye to eye and give me kind of a certain hey this guy's an asshole kind of wink and then I would go and and have a conversation with him. So you kind of learn about each individual woman kind of how far she's gonna allow it to go before it before it becomes an issue or a problem. And then again I'm working the the door or the floor I'm reading the room I I can tell this guy's gonna be an issue tonight. This person's gonna be an issue tonight. So I'd watch them a little bit extra and if they get a little handsy or disrespectful I'll go up and have a conversation with them. Hey, you know, welcome to show girls we want you to have a have a nice time enjoy your night but it's not allowed what what you're doing is not allowed here in this club this is not Mexico it's not Vegas it's here in Coachella Valley these are the rules enjoy yourself you know but just tone it down a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 39:54

So it'd be a nice gentle conversation we give them a couple times uh of talking to them like that before we intervene a little bit deeper well did there you know you have a special wait hang on a second you you have to I'm still you have to not only maintain a safe environment for everyone you're keeping track of how many lap dances are going down per song and have to turn that in so you got to do math.

SPEAKER_01 40:21

It's all money man that that is a that's a not the gold mind of a business that that's a gold mind of a business.

SPEAKER_02 40:28

Yeah I bet so much money being exchanged in that building they the the women have to look at you almost you know providing security your presence is there 100% yeah did the line ever get cross with a dancer did you ever become friends with one maybe date him a little bit no I was friends with all of them but you kept it professional 100% you can go to that club today and ask any one of those dancers there.

SPEAKER_01 40:53

No no no I'm just saying I'm trying to figure out how much of an oak you were no there I'm just saying you can go ask the owners you can ask any of those girls that are still dancing there they'll be he's 100% businessman. It's just like an extended family at that point man and I wasn't there for that I've I've always been real straightforward with my relationships and and you know the women in my life like I've I've I never needed to play around like that.

SPEAKER_02 41:19

Yeah I you know it it it blows my mind how men pull at threads on their the parachute of life over vagina. Yeah like and it's happening now more than ever with politicians and everyone and Schwarznigger you know I'm not taking away from the awesomeness that is on old Schwarzneger but the maid I mean really like you know what is it about the JaJah that makes men lose their fucking minds it just I don't get it. It's a magical thing man I guess and it's been around since the dawn of time the wild west out here I mean it's wired into our DNA you know like that that law of attraction is kind of what makes us laws of attraction that's it's they just lose their minds and their over holy moly well did it change working there did it change how you view people yeah for sure it did.

SPEAKER_01 42:21

It just kind of showed me a little bit of the creepy creepiness and you know the dark aspect of of what goes on in the nightlife you know I never I never went to clubs man. So even when I was younger 21 22 like all my friends were like oh we're going to this club in LA we're going to this club in Riverside we're going to this club in San Diego we're going to this club in Vegas I can honestly say I've probably been as a patron to a nightclub maybe twice in my life man. It's just not my scene I don't like I don't like the energy in there. I don't like you know sloppy drunk people slurring and stinky breath all over you trying to it's just not my thing man like I was so much more content at home doing what I'm doing. So it was never it was never my thing man. When when did you say uh okay enough is enough like I got to get out of here I think I put in a solid six or seven years working there. Yeah the money was fantastic I mean it was cash in hand every night I remember I remember when I was working there I had this this drawer in my bathroom it was it was a weird setup where I lived when I was working there you go into the garage and the access door from the garage into the house was into my master bathroom. So you'd have to go through the master bathroom to get into my garage to the access door unless you walked all the way around to the big roll up door right so I'd park the car I'd come in I'd empty out my pockets into my bathroom drawers that I didn't keep toothpaste in. They were just loaded with cash all the time. So anytime I went to like a Disneyland Or this place or that place, I'd go out my bathroom door, man, and open up my drawer, and there would just be stacks of cash. And I'd just grab a handful, look at it, stuff it in my pocket, and go, I think that's enough for today.

SPEAKER_02 44:12

I can't do that with crypto.

SPEAKER_01 44:13

No, but that the I mean the cash I made there was ridiculous, man.

SPEAKER_02 44:16

So there's a lot of good money in that game.

SPEAKER_01 44:19

It's fantastic, man.

SPEAKER_02 44:20

Yeah, if you keep your your in everything. Keep your head screwed on tight, man. There's definitely money to be made. Imagine the owner is done well because, you know, don't get high on your own supply and keep it all about business.

SPEAKER_01 44:34

It's all it's all business, man.

SPEAKER_02 44:35

No, no dealing with the Russian mafia or anything like that.

SPEAKER_01 44:39

No, but the Armenians came into town. As soon as, yeah, as soon as the uh the weed game started in the valley, we we did notice a lot of like Armenian games.

SPEAKER_02 44:47

Armenians, really?

SPEAKER_01 44:48

Yeah, they got they got really invested in in uh the grow operations out here financing them. So they would come in, throw their money around. And there's there's some big balling Armenians in town on the weed. When the w when yeah, they're they're still here left over from the weed game. But they'd come in into the club and I'd see young Armenians, man, like younger than myself at the time, maybe five, ten years younger than me, and they'd just toss around like $25,000 a night, just throwing it up in the air at people. Literally, they'd walk in, hey, can I get 5,000 in in ones? Uh, okay. So we we'd cash them out 5,000, you know, a couple times through the night, and they would just take a stack of those ones, carry it around everywhere they go, set it on the bar, take it to the bathroom with them, put it on the counter. Um, you know, sitting at their little bar tables and tabletops and lap dance areas, they just have these bricks of money, and they'd every so often they just grab a huge handful of money and just throw it straight up in the sky.

SPEAKER_02 45:45

Right. I imagine they were popular.

SPEAKER_01 45:47

Yeah, for sure. Well, I mean, that that put a lot of money in my pocket too, not just the girls. I made money from the house. The the owner paid me to do my job. Every girl that worked every night tipped me out very nicely because I took care of them. And then uh customers and clients would tip me out wonderfully also every day. That's good. Yeah, so I I I had pockets full of cash always.

SPEAKER_02 46:12

Well, in closing, looking back on all those years working in the strip club, what would you say that chapter of your life taught you? And let me be very specific, what did it teach you about masculinity? That's a really good question. But I'm curious to know.

SPEAKER_01 46:34

Yeah, that's a that's a great question. Um I think at the end of the day, masculinity is kind of kind of getting pretty diluted and watered down, right? Like the uh it's it's a lot different now. Um back then it taught taught me what masculinity was not. And what masculinity was not, what it taught me was this is kind of chauvinistic, egotistic, uh very self-absorbed, you know, baller mentality. Women don't count for shit. Um, you know, you can talk shit to them all and treat them all bad. So it kind of taught me it it reaffirmed how not to be. So I don't know if it taught me about masculinity, but it definitely taught me um what masculinity did not look like to me. And it reaffirmed all of that. I mean, these people would just come in out of their minds, talk crazy to women, um, expect all these crazy things from them, treat them like shit. And it just it kind of it just showed me like how much disrespect people really do have. Yeah. So it put that into perspective for sure.

SPEAKER_02 47:41

I bet we're in a we're in a weird place in history as far as masculinity goes. There's the you know very feminine side of it where I feel like I see women who are with men that feel or look or appear to be, to me anyway, to be like a girlfriend.

SPEAKER_03 48:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 48:03

And then you get the opposite end of the spectrum, the Andrew Tate's manospear kind of what I call douchebags.

SPEAKER_01 48:12

Hyper masculine.

SPEAKER_02 48:13

Hyper masculine, you know, who clearly all have problems with their father.

SPEAKER_01 48:22

Or their mother.

SPEAKER_02 48:22

Or their mother. Yeah. Probably probably raised by their mother, resent their mother. Um, and it's uh it's just kind of sad to see in both directions. Sure.

SPEAKER_01 48:34

And to me, masculinity is kind of represents the protector, right? Like you're supposed to you're supposed to stand in harm's way and not create harm for for women or children or other people. Like you're supposed to kind of be the shield or be the muscle when you need to, and be the be the voice of reason when you need to, kind of make those those tough decisions that maybe people can't collectively make without that masculine presence for the for the betterment of the outcome of the situation. And today it's just all of that's diluted, man. Nobody doesn't seem like people give a shit about any of that anymore. There's just nobody's worried about protecting somebody else. They don't even protect themselves anymore.

SPEAKER_02 49:12

It's it's uh an interesting thing because you know you grow up in a certain area, and I grew up in North Carolina and the South, and you just think, well, this is the way everyone is, and you get out and I look around and I see how men behave. I mean, you know, not holding door, some of the most basic stuff. Yep, you know, kind of taking the lead. I used to I really enjoyed that side of masculinity and planning cool shit to do with taking the lead.

SPEAKER_01 49:38

You go to the airport, you see a man and a woman, husband and wife, or boyfriend and girlfriend, she's got all the luggage, and he's he's got his like his iPhone out, you know.

SPEAKER_02 49:47

He showed me all those videos. It's crazy. It is crazy. Yeah, you know, these guys in flip flops and shit, it just drives me nuts. Well, two last questions. One of which I gotta ask, because apparently, right next to this this titty bar, there's a great breakfast burrito.

SPEAKER_03 50:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:06

And I've wanted to go there. There is. And speaking of masculinity, it's great. I I that's what all the guys say in the gym. It's it's really good. But there's no way I'm driving in right next to the titty bar in that parking lot, get a breakfast burrito. With my luck, I'll be pulling out. Nelly will drive by and go, what are you doing? And I'm gonna go, I swear to God, I was getting a breakfast burrito.

SPEAKER_01 50:27

Well, the good the good thing for you at that at that point is that it's not open then. Exactly. So the titty bar is closed. She ain't gonna buy it. It's closed, doors are locked.

SPEAKER_02 50:36

What is so good about that breakfast burrito next door?

SPEAKER_01 50:39

You know, to to be honest, like it's kind of like a little bit how I cook, you know, a little bit of fusion, and it's not just eggs and bacon, right? It's just this guy had this concept, man, and this idea, and he just brings all these different kind of combinations and flavors. It's just done just uh uniquely enough to be different and set himself apart, and it's it's really good.

SPEAKER_02 50:59

Was it open when the uh titty bar was open?

SPEAKER_01 51:02

It used to be a chicken strip and um sandwich spot.

SPEAKER_02 51:05

Okay. But it was never it was never open late at night. Okay, I was gonna say, I imagine he did quite well.

SPEAKER_01 51:10

It was it was always closed by the time doors were were open at the club. But um, yeah, it's always there's always been a food place there.

SPEAKER_02 51:17

All right. Uh second to last question here, and feel free to lie to me. The movie Roadhouse, Patrick Swayze. Roadhouse. Yeah. I love that movie. I'm gonna throw it on tonight. Roadhouse Swayze. That is classic 80s. Is there any reality to that movie?

SPEAKER_01 51:38

No. Oh, you want me to lie? Yes, very realistic.

SPEAKER_02 51:42

Have you ever done a roundhouse kick?

SPEAKER_01 51:44

Not in a club. Not not working, no. That's it.

SPEAKER_02 51:48

That's what the ultimate masculinity is. I'd probably cowboy boots.

SPEAKER_01 51:55

I'd probably fuck around and throw my hip out and then get annihilated by whoever's trying to trying to kick.

SPEAKER_02 52:01

The companion episode to this one is gonna be a commentary where Aaron and I watch the film Roadhouse. You can watch it along and listen to us. Well, I just had I had to bring that up. And then final question after seeing people at their best and worst night after night, what do you think most human beings are searching for?

SPEAKER_01 52:23

Oh, that's a wonderful question. I don't know, man. I I don't know. I I know what I'm searching for, and you know, I would I would like to think that we're kind of all common and what we're looking for, but I don't think we are. I think I think a lot of people are just looking for validation of some kind. I I think a lot of people for some reason need to be told, oh, you're you're you're handsome, you're beautiful, um, you're fantastic, you're the best at this, you're the best at that. And a lot of people want a little attention.

SPEAKER_02 52:53

Yeah, we all we all need that kind of affirmation, right?

SPEAKER_01 52:57

We we want to be validated at some point by somebody around us. And if we're not getting validated in our daily lives at work, if we're always, you know, underperforming and we're always on the chopping block, or you know, you're not pulling your weight 100% at home in your relationship, then you're obviously not getting validated. You're always getting kind of nagged at for this, that, or the other. I think people just need to kind of be encouraged and validated. And I think uh in that environment, in some weird way, that's what they're looking for uh from these women. Interesting. Because the women there make their money by validating you and telling you how amazing you are, you know. Oh my god, your eyes are the so sexy, their their guy, you know, or wow, look at your muscles or or whatever, you know. I bet you're really good at your job. Uh I bet you're the best doctor where you were. And and I've seen everybody come in.

unknown 53:46

I bet.

SPEAKER_01 53:46

I've seen police officers, surgeons, doctors, lawyers, priests, school teachers. I mean, everybody in society goes through there. So that was kind of weird too, because then I'd see these people in society, and it'd be like that that unspoken nod between them, like, okay, you know, one of my dirty seekers, just walk by and say hello, but don't have a conversation with me, please. I'm with my wife and my kids right now. Don't please don't blink bring up that I was in a T bar. I could never Everybody came through there. Wow. Everybody.

SPEAKER_02 54:14

Men, women, gay, straight, everybody came through there. I bet. Well, this has been a fascinating one, and I hope everyone realizes that there's been a bit of a uh a wink uh and a smile with this episode. It's not so much just about strip clubs, but about people, behavior, ego, loneliness, and what happens when the human nature is amplified under the lights with alcohol and late night energy. Folks, we've had one goal here at Cruise Control, and that's to make great content, but something that we have forgotten to do at the end of every episode, and we want your help. Please, wherever you listen to podcasts, subscribe. Hit the subscribe button. There should be a little button somewhere too that you can press, and it allows you to the have the episode download as soon as it goes live. So that would help us out tremendously.

SPEAKER_01 55:14

Absolutely would. And depending on the platform you listen on, it's gonna say like, subscribe, or download. All of those work equally.

SPEAKER_02 55:22

Absolutely. That would be wonderful. Well, thank you as always for listening to Cruise Control. We will see you next time as we continue to navigate the chaos one conversation at a time. That's it. All right, guys, we'll see you next time. Bye.

SPEAKER_00 55:35

That's it for this conversation on cruise control. Thank you for spending time with us, listening, thinking, and navigating the chaos. These conversations don't end here. So take what resonates, question what doesn't, and carry it in your own work. Physical, mental, and spiritual. If you enjoyed the show, subscribe, follow, and share it. We'll be back soon with another conversation. Until next time, stay grounded, take care of it, and keep your cruise control steady.