The Day Jodie North Got The Text

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Life can change in a day.

SPEAKER_02 0:03

A betrayal, a diagnosis, a devastation, a breakdown. This is That Day, the podcast where women tell real stories of the moment life changed, the chaos that followed, and the strength they found along the way. No subject is off limits. I'm Jack, a former coroner-turned empowerment coach. And I'm Kylie, once an HR manager, now a published author. Together, we help women tell the stories that matter. By the end of each episode, you'll feel it, you'll learn from it, and carry it with you. Welcome to that day.

SPEAKER_03 0:37

This podcast contains conversations about difficult life experiences. Some episodes may include coarse language and themes such as illness, suicide, infertility, or childhood trauma. Please take care while listening and prioritize your well-being. Help lines are listed in the show notes. Today's guest is Jodie North, mum of two teen boys, corporate professional, reluctant gardener, and weekend warrior in a veteran women's AFL team. A Melbourne local who has spent most of her career helping others tell their stories. She's far more comfortable behind the scenes than in the spotlight. But today, this self-described extroverted introvert is being brave and sharing her story with us. By the end of 2022, Jodie believed the hardest years were behind her. She had navigated lockdowns while working full-time, separated after a 19-year relationship, farewelled three beloved aunties, bought a house on her own, and finalized her divorce. 2023 was meant to be her fresh start. Instead, a text message about a long-forgotten mammogram received while packing for a camping trip with her boys marked the beginning of the toughest year of her life.

SPEAKER_00 1:52

Welcome, Jodie.

SPEAKER_01 1:54

Hello.

SPEAKER_00 1:55

Welcome. What was happening before that day? What was going on in your life?

SPEAKER_01 1:59

Before that day, I think I had a really big month. So I took possession of my house. Um that was around mid-December. It's a fixer-upper. So, you know, we were stripping back uh wallpaper, pulling up the carpets, painting. First house you bought on your own? First house I bought on my own. Yeah. And that was a stressful situation for me. Like that whole decision making of of um delving into a a mortgage that was just mine. It was the same size as the the mortgage that we had I had married. So it was it was a significant decision for me. Absolutely. So yeah, so I also hosted Christmas that year for for 15, 20 people. I had agreed. Of course you did. Of course. You know, I had agreed to do it. I said um the hey, I'm gonna host Christmas at mid-year, and then everything else happened.

SPEAKER_00 2:48

Um and no one offered to say, with everything you're going you've got going on, we'll we'll take that over. I probably wouldn't have accepted it anyway.

SPEAKER_01 2:57

You know, I was like, no, no, I can do this. It's that fierce independence that uh independent stubbornness, I think. Yeah, so hosted Christmas, the divorce came through, officially came through the paperwork between Christmas and New Year. I was packing up the rental. Um I had a car accident on the first of January as well. I was driving the 700 metres from rental to the new home, and um it was 9 30 in the morning and uh rode off my car. Um happy New Year to you. Yeah, basically. Or Janice, I think her name was. Uh she was she was not happy with me, as you wouldn't be. She was on her way to church. Um God wasn't protecting her that day. Well, she did say it was God's car as well, so nobody was hurt. I wasn't even going more than 10 kilometres per hour. But the uh the damage to my car was significant, so I had to kind of sort that out as well, and then um move from the rental to to home and um pack for camping and get ready. So it was a big, big um month.

SPEAKER_03 3:56

And leading up to the even this time, you'd had some significant people in your life pass away. Can you tell us a bit more about that?

SPEAKER_01 4:04

Yeah, so I had uh two aunties pass away. I had um my auntie Carrie, she passed away in um September 21. She was very instrumental in my life growing up. You know, uh, she's my mum's sister and um she's got three kids, and we were very close, um, probably like sisters and brothers. Um, you know, we spent uh weekends at Netball. She was my Netball coach. Um I was like a sister to her daughter, and um, you know, we went away on holidays together. So she was very significant in my life. She um passed away from um ovarian cancer. And it was it was during those COVID lockdowns as well, where we couldn't get into um the hospital. I think we we managed to get in one one like half an hour kind of visit during this time um to to say our goodbyes. Um and the funeral was only allowed to have 10 people. So I'm very honoured to be able to attend that funeral. And then six weeks later, my mum's other sister, Robin, who has been very sick, like she she had no children. She was also instrumental in in the younger years of my life. She once again played netball, coached, coached me in netball. Um I think in even one stage of life, we shared a bedroom because she was living with us. She became estranged for the family for a good 20-something years, gambling issues, and came back when she was very sick. Okay. Um and my mum became her carer. And she was a very complicated woman, and it was a complicated relationship. I suppose she came and watched me in those last years play netball again. Um, and I suppose there was a bond over that. And she was going around on oxygen, and I I the list of what was probably wrong with her, of of not what was wrong with her, is shorter than what was. You know, she'd had emphysema, she was a smoker all her life, she had cancer, she had everything else under the sun, basically. Um, but she was definitely a battler. So she was in hospice for for a number of weeks, and then one day, luckily when I didn't have the kids, um, mum called and said, I need you to come and help me and be by side because Robin's only got days left. Um so yeah, we sat sat beside her as she was dying. Which is uh the first time I've ever had the opportunity to do that, I suppose. So which is always an honour to be there by someone's life. It is an honor. Were you there when she passed? I was there when she passed, yeah. So we spent overnight. I s m um my mum went home and I spent overnight. The nurse came in at probably about 2 a.m. in the morning and said, it's it's probably time to Yeah, it's time to get your mum back. And even before that, like she was kind of lucid. Like I was I was making the telephone calls for her. I'm like, who do you want to talk to? I remember one of her longtime friends. I rang her and said, Robin wants to talk to you before she passes, and she was in the car. I felt really bad because she she had to pull over from driving. Yeah, so that was kind of that would have been a hard thing to kind of get that call on the side of the road and And she didn't even know she was dying or that seems like that. She would have known she was sick, but it's probably yeah, it might have come as a surprise that that it was that it was imminent imminent.

SPEAKER_00 7:07

Yeah, yeah. And was it was there anything about the moments leading up to her death? Like I've I've witnessed that as well, my father-in-law, and it is quite a remarkable experience to go through. Was there anything that sort of sticks out to you that you'll always remember about those moments?

SPEAKER_01 7:27

It was the kindness of the of the staff, I think. You know, they are that obviously is an experience that they go through every day. Um you know, uh when she passed away, they said, I'll just go out and we'll get her ready and prepared her and put makeup on her face and brushed her hair and made her dignity presentable so that we would remember remember her probably those last moments in a nicer way. I don't know. Yeah, because you know, the the face of death is is quite grey.

SPEAKER_03 7:58

Grey, yes. That's amazing is that she was estranged for so long and then she was able to be accepted back into the family, and like it's a pretty amazing gift your mum gave her to be her carer.

SPEAKER_01 8:11

Oh, a hundred percent. My mum went ab above and beyond in that. They did not get along um at all. Uh before her parents passed away, I think they said to her, you know, please look after, please look after Robin. And she took that obligation and that uh promise Very seriously. Very seriously. Yeah. So, you know, she should go a above and beyond, and but that's who my mum is.

SPEAKER_03 8:32

So Yeah. But to to not die alone when you've led a complicated life is yeah, really it is a good gift. Yeah. Yeah. That's incredible that your family was able to do that. So this all happened within six weeks of each other, the two aunties.

SPEAKER_01 8:47

Six weeks, yes. And then I arranged her funeral and within six weeks it moved from ten people at um Arnie Carrie's to around 40 people. Yeah. So which I which is better.

SPEAKER_03 8:59

But also organizing a funeral is a massive undertaking, as well as it is.

SPEAKER_01 9:02

Yeah, yeah. The people, what what we were allowed to do because of the lockdowns, you know, who's gonna speak.

SPEAKER_03 9:08

Yeah. Um yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot to go through. And were you were you in the middle of a separation at this time, or the separation had not happened yet?

SPEAKER_01 9:17

No, we were. I was in the middle of a separation, so I had been in a in a 19-year relationship. Um that we decided to separate in July 21. We had started nesting. I don't know if you know the nesting where the kids stay in the one spot and we got a rental and we were going back and forth week on, week off.

SPEAKER_03 9:40

So the kids stayed in your family home and then whichever parent wasn't on that week went to the rental. Went to the rental. Um did that work well.

SPEAKER_01 9:50

Look, I think of it worked well for the time that we did it. We probably did it for six months, maybe.

SPEAKER_03 9:56

Did he keep the house clean? Because that would have fucked me right off.

SPEAKER_01 10:00

Or changed the sheets.

SPEAKER_03 10:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:02

Oh no, no, we had we had separate bedrooms. We had a separate bedroom. I always wondered about that. And the bathroom in no, no, no, no. Um, my ex is definitely far neater than I am. Okay. So he was the one who was fucked off. Probably, yeah. No, we kept it uh we kept it very, very neat. Respectful. We did keep it respectful. So yeah. Oh, okay. We separated in 2021. We were doing um the mediation as well. Is that a hard process? I think for us it was fairly simple in you know, separating your lives after 19 years is a pretty difficult thing. And there's a lot of admin to it as well. Like if you can try to manage Telstra and get your name off a a joint telephone bill, like that took that took multiple calls. That requires a trophy.

SPEAKER_03 10:47

Yeah, yeah, or Valium.

SPEAKER_01 10:49

Yeah. So, you know, un unraveling our lives was a lot. Like we we were able to um amicably split things. Like there wasn't a lot to split. You know, we didn't have multiple things, and I think we we were both very reasonable in and what we achieved there. But I think even the most amicable separations are still very difficult to consider.

SPEAKER_03 11:10

And the boys and just learning the new rhythm of parenting separately and Yeah, like being away.

SPEAKER_01 11:17

I mean, my kids would have been 12 and 10, maybe. That's probably the first time that I w spent time away from my kids. Like it was week on, week off. So And how was that? That was tough. Yeah, that was really tough. And I think every mother and probably father goes through this, but probably every mother, you know, at some point they're gonna look up and their kids aren't gonna be that as much in their lives. And I look up and like, oh shit, who am I? Like, and I think it came earlier for me because I'm like, oh, I've got these um weeks just just me. And I didn't have a lot of single friends at the time. So um, yeah, that that was hard. And I remember kind of at some point getting on dating sites and people were like, tell us your hobbies. And I'm like, hobbies, like my hobbies was driving my kids to sport, yeah, cheering them on the sidelines. I didn't have time. I didn't have time for this. Like, what are you talking about?

SPEAKER_00 12:11

Yeah, so yeah. So you got hours alone for the first time in your life, yeah, since your adult life of having kids. Yeah. Yeah, that must be really challenging. It was challenging, yeah. And then does it get good?

SPEAKER_03 12:24

It's kind of what we all wish for.

SPEAKER_01 12:26

A little bit. You know, one week on, one week on. Yeah, it should have gotten good. It didn't, but it should have gotten good. Yeah. Right. It is it is now, but um in 2022. So after we did the settlement, I moved into a rental just around the corner from where we lived. You got rid of the nesting situation. Got rid of the nesting situation. I think, you know, packing a bag, going living it out of a bag gets a bit. So I got moved into a rental. Um, and then um 2022 was I think about discovering the single life, right? But still doing the admin and waiting for the money. Who you were, who you are. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and and waiting for the money. I got bought out of of the house, so we renovated a house. Um, so there's a bit of loss there as well in terms of losing a house that we spent a lot of energy on, I suppose.

SPEAKER_03 13:17

How did you agree that he would keep the house and you would buy another house?

SPEAKER_01 13:22

Was that uh uh it came down to money and I wouldn't have been able to afford to buy the house out, so yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:29

So the boys still get their childhood home, but yeah, yeah. Well, they get an extra bonus childhood home.

SPEAKER_01 13:35

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 13:35

And you get to renovate it exactly how the fuck you want. You don't have to run it by anybody. Exactly. So um Yeah. How did it feel to sign those papers for the house? When you so you had the rental, that was for how long, sorry?

SPEAKER_01 13:50

Um April 22 to to to January 23.

SPEAKER_03 13:54

And you were actively looking to buy, you wanted to settle and have that security?

SPEAKER_01 13:58

Or yeah, um, yeah, I did. So rentals around here were really difficult. A rental doesn't come around very easily here and they're usually expensive. So I did want to kind of buy and I wanted to make sure that the kids weren't too disrupted. So I had an area that I wanted to buy, and I have bought in the area that I wanted to because you know it's close to the boys' friends, it's close I I live 400 metres from my out my my other house. Yeah. Or that the the house that um um their dad now has. So that makes it really easy. Yeah, easy. They still want to be driven. Um and I'd I'd do it. Um But yeah, it it buying a house was was a really, really difficult decision for me and um very challenging and very stressful. I come from a family that does not like to spend money, so you know, buying the biggest purchase for myself was was significant.

SPEAKER_03 14:48

And to know the mortgage, you're on your own. I'm on my backup there if I say get sick. Yes, yeah, you know, like it's a it's a big commitment to take. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But so exciting that you found the house.

SPEAKER_01 15:01

So yeah, it it's um it's really good. And for ages I would sit out the back and I would look at the house and go, Oh my god, I bought this house. This is mine.

SPEAKER_00 15:10

This is it's amazing. Yeah, it's so good. Yeah. 2022 is you finding yourself, you buying your new house, learning how to be a single parent, discovering what it's like to be free again. Yes. Um, and in a very short period of time, you had a lot of shit going on. A lot of shit going on. And different types of financial stuff, marriage stuff, separation, like a lot of stuff. Yes. Some people just have to deal with one of those things in their in this period of their life. And you it was coming hard at you from multiple angles. Yeah, and cumulative, just constant, like you couldn't catch a break. The accumulation of grief, I think, has just kept piling up. Were you doing stuff to help you um like we go in therapy? Were you seeing energy healers? Were you going to a psychic? Like, were you doing anything to try and help you understand what was going on? I um the pub. I went to the pub.

SPEAKER_01 16:08

Um, I there were a few things that I did, yeah. So I did a financial literacy course as well, just to understand better. That's amazing.

SPEAKER_03 16:16

So, what did that entail?

SPEAKER_01 16:18

It was a six weeks online course. It was by this woman, she's actually amazing. I think her name is Mel Brown, and she, when she separated, she got divorced. Um, and her ex-husband said to her, You'll never make it without me. Um prick. Yeah, what a prick. And so she gave away all her settlement. She donated it to charity. Wow. Um, and then remade herself, and now she's a multimillionaire. I love to get her on this podcast too. She is amazing.

SPEAKER_00 16:48

What a way to flip the bird. Yeah. Basically, she sounds like full of businesses.

SPEAKER_03 16:53

It lit a flame in her and said, no one's gonna bloody tell me what and also there, I mean, she obviously got a settlement, but there are so many women who end up because they've been the main caregiver, have given up jobs or changed their careers, and then you know, 20 years into a relationship, separate and have no money. And I know that there's legalities around that, but still then you try to re-enter the workforce. Like luckily you kept your job, which is a corporate good paid job.

SPEAKER_01 17:24

But so many women, they screw themselves over as well. I think their empathy button when they separate. I've heard so many stories where they just don't look after themselves. They they kind of try and overcompensate for something. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 17:38

The people pleasing, maybe.

SPEAKER_01 17:39

The people pleasing, yeah, in socializing and they sometimes screw themselves over.

SPEAKER_00 17:43

Yeah. Kylie, you touched on this in your episode about feeling that financial vulnerability, that if anything should happen to your relationship at that time when you were a stay-at-home mum, that you felt really, really vulnerable. Yeah. And so I think that's what we're talking about. If you haven't protected yourself like you did by keeping your job and not making sure that your husband is looking after you and paying you super and all of the stuff that does that, women are finding in midlife that they're financially bereft, they're um they're living highest homelessness.

SPEAKER_03 18:17

Homeless growing rate, homelessness, or women in their 50s.

SPEAKER_00 18:21

It's a huge thing. So to hear this story about Mel Brown and you educating yourself about financial stuff.

SPEAKER_01 18:27

Yes. What did you learn from her? There was what type of money person are you, um, your money personality. There was budgeting. Now I already kind of knew budgeting. That kind of taught me what I already knew. I've budgeted a lot in the jobs that I've had. Taught you about shares, um, good debt, bad debt, and how to be confident um financially, I suppose. Great.

SPEAKER_03 18:47

Yeah, it was interesting. Does it did this help you in your settlement discussions or was this post?

SPEAKER_00 18:52

It was post separation. Okay. Um why we're not taught these things at school, I do not know. Exactly. Like it should be a mandatory course.

SPEAKER_01 19:00

Yeah, I agree.

SPEAKER_00 19:01

It's it's insane.

SPEAKER_01 19:03

And even um, even though you say, like, I have got a good job now, um, and I do have, and I'm very grateful for that. If I lose my job now, I'm still financially screwed. Divorce is not a good financial decision. No. In any way, shape, or form.

SPEAKER_03 19:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:17

Like, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:19

To running two houses separately, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's hard. But um if I get divorced, I'm moving in with you. Okay and I'll be done. I can pay board. Also, I don't cook, so you have to be. But I can clean. I'm a good cleaner. Well, okay, because I'm not neat. You're messy. That might piss me off, actually. Yeah. The odd couple.

SPEAKER_01 19:40

I like it. Yeah, we can do it. What else? Um, I got a s a wardrobe audit from a stylist.

SPEAKER_03 19:46

Um You mean clothes? Yeah, clothes. Not like a physical furniture piece of furniture.

SPEAKER_01 19:52

No, like a a wardrobe audit and you know, um, the stylist came in and said, Right, yeah, wear this, wear that.

SPEAKER_03 20:00

This suits you, did a session. Was that kind of one of Jackie's words? Was that empowering for you?

SPEAKER_01 20:06

Did you feel like it was good, except she kind of did a colour analysis and she's like, What are the two colours that you wear the most? And I said, black and like yellow mustard kind of thing. And she's like, Yeah, they're the two colours you should not be wearing. I was like, And you're like, it's Melbourne. Yeah, like we wear black.

SPEAKER_03 20:20

That's what we do.

SPEAKER_01 20:21

Yeah. Um, but it was good, you know, it gave you extended the wardrobe. So that was fun. Did it help build your confidence back in? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think so. Um I had I did the I did the one therapy online session, tick. I was like, tick the box, I'm good. You're not you're not a therapy person? Um at that stage, no. Right. Um, I've leaned into it since. Um but at that stage I was like, no, no, I'm good. I've I've got this all under control. Um and I even was renovating a piece of furniture, and the the therapist was like, yeah, every separated person does that. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 20:54

The furniture is you and you're fixing it.

SPEAKER_01 20:56

Like, is that the metaphor? Unfortunately, I never finished it. So I don't know what that says metaphorically.

SPEAKER_03 21:01

I feel like that's a healthy thing to do.

SPEAKER_01 21:03

The not finish it or to No, like to renovate furniture.

SPEAKER_03 21:07

It's better than, I don't know, throwing eggs at your exes from getting shit faced every night and yeah, falling into bed.

SPEAKER_00 21:12

Like, you know, exactly and inventing furniture. It's great. Exactly. And I also got a personal trainer. So What made you um do the the financial literacy course, the wardrobe edit? Did you just wake up one day and said, I'm just gonna take control of this? What happened that made you go, I'm gonna It was the commitment, it was a commitment to invest in myself.

SPEAKER_01 21:32

Right. Because you know, I think as a mum you very rarely invest in yourself, right? Like you are your time is consumed by your kids and sounds so um pushing back the feminist movement, running a household. Right, but we are, that's what we're doing.

SPEAKER_00 21:45

Um, you know, working and all that. So it's When and how did that come to you? Were you at home by yourself and one day you just went, fuck this? Or was it just over time you're like, oh, maybe I do need you just started to go inward and think I need to. Look after myself. What was it? Because so many women are where you were now, and they're just waiting for this light bulb moment to go off.

SPEAKER_01 22:10

I think it was I think it was something over time and it was a realization like who are you? Like you don't know, what are you missing? And it was also a bit of a, hey fuck you, like I can do this.

SPEAKER_03 22:21

Like Yeah, and you what your identity is tied to a partner for nearly 20 years. Yeah and then a mother.

SPEAKER_01 22:28

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 22:28

And an employee.

SPEAKER_01 22:30

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 22:31

And then obviously a daughter and a niece, and that part of your life was very rich as well. But it is a moment to stop and say, but without all these things, who am I? Who am I? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:42

And what I think there was also very much a right, I've got to do this on my own, and I've got to I've got two teenage boys. Yep. And no one's coming to save me. How am I going to do this on my own? Right. And I have to financially support myself. I'm going to get a bit of money out of the separation. Like I've got to buy a house. And model to them too. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 23:03

Like this is what strong women look like.

SPEAKER_00 23:05

Yes. So that's the power of reinvention. Like you've just created a new person. Yeah. Literally. Yeah. How cool is that? Yeah, it's very cool.

SPEAKER_03 23:15

So you've taken the keys to your house and you're this new person. And then you book a camping trip. But first you ride off your car on the first day of the city.

SPEAKER_01 23:23

Why wouldn't you do that?

SPEAKER_03 23:24

2023.

SPEAKER_01 23:25

Yes. And 2023, I had decided in my head, this is my year. Like I am going to do it. There's a line in the sand. And 2023 is for me. Yeah. Yeah. I've got a new house, everything. So you smash the car and you're like, fuck, is this the moment?

SPEAKER_00 23:40

What the five?

SPEAKER_01 23:44

I was like, no, no, it's just don't worry. I've got the positive mindset. No, no, no. It's just day one. We're good. We're good. But yeah, I remember just sitting in that car because I had packed the car and I was exhausted. You packed the car for camping, and that's the car you rode off. No, that was a rental. Like you know from the insurance company. Um, so that was packed. I was sitting and I got my phone to do the map. And then I saw the text message, like, you need to so it was a Monday, you need to come in on Wednesday.

SPEAKER_03 24:16

Okay, so take us back. Yeah. So this is you're about to go camping with your teen boys. Team boys. You've written off your car, you've got a rental. Yes. And you got a text message from who? From the Eastern Breast Cancer Centre.

SPEAKER_01 24:28

And it was we um we found something on your mammogram that you had in November, and you need to come in on Wednesday for testing. And this is January. This was January. What the hell had happened in between? I don't know. But you know what? The first thing I thought was, I had a mammogram in November. Seriously? I've had so much on. I've had so much on, and who can forget those fucking mammograms? They had torturers.

SPEAKER_04 24:54

They had like special.

SPEAKER_03 24:55

Especially for someone who's flat chested, let me tell you. Oh, that's hard. Oh yeah. Well, there's nothing to put on the plate. Yeah. And I was after I had mine, sorry to make it about me, we'll go back to you in a bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, it's like get having your nickel squashed into a sandwich press. And when I came home, I said to my husband, if men had to put their testicles on a cold steel plate and have someone smash them down while someone also adjusts them to get the right images, I reckon you'd come up with a different way to find out if you had cancer. A bit of a blood test or something, maybe. Yeah, or just my sister suggested we could just get like a doorway that's just like a you walk through and it just scans your whole body. That'd be great. It would be great. Anyway, I totally get. So you you didn't you forgot that you'd had the mammogram, but you didn't forget in the moment about the mammogram. But you wrote it off that it was fine because you didn't hear anything.

SPEAKER_01 25:47

Yeah, and look, yeah. I the only reason why I had mammograms is because mum in probably 2021 was like, because I I was in my 40s, she's like, you need to go get a mammogram, and she was nagging the crap out of me. She had a but there's been a lot of cancer in the family. So she was like, she kept ringing me every couple, go get your mammogram, go get it.

SPEAKER_00 26:07

And always your mum must have sensed something intuition.

SPEAKER_01 26:13

Yeah. Um so I got the first one in I think 20 end of 2020 and that didn't That was fine. That was fine. And then must have been three years later um that I got the second one. And you were expecting it to be fine? I was expecting it to be fine. Because you know, breast checks don't happen until your 50s anyway. I was expecting mum to just be overreacting. And I was still, I remember when I was at camping, uh we'd set everything up and I called the hospital.

SPEAKER_03 26:39

So when you got that text message, were you panicking or you were like I'm not a I'm not really a panicker. Yeah, I do, I just disclaimer, I do know Jody, and she's actually one of the most laid-back people I've ever met. Although maybe you're like a duck where you're paddling madly underneath, but she's pretty chill. She doesn't let a lot get to her.

SPEAKER_01 26:56

So I was I was stressed. I didn't entirely relax, but I remember kind of calling the nurse and I was trying to talk my way out of it, really. I'm like, I just got this text message. Do I really need to come? I don't think it's anything. She's like, no, no, I think you need to come. And I'm like, really? And then the only way I got out of coming on that Wednesday is because I had this hacking cough for six weeks. And that's probably indicative of how run down I was, right? Like I just could not get rid of um this cough. And because it was COVID time, she was like, oh, okay, well, no, just come when the cough's gone. And it took a few weeks for it to go.

SPEAKER_03 27:32

And in those weeks, were you thinking about this?

SPEAKER_01 27:35

Or I'm very good at compartmentalizing, so I kind of Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:39

I'll deal with that after the camping.

SPEAKER_01 27:41

Yeah, I was still very stressed um and probably wasn't entirely relaxed, but yeah, I I can kind of move things in my my brain.

SPEAKER_03 27:50

Did you tell your mum that you'd got this message, or did you think I'll just wait and see what they say?

SPEAKER_01 27:55

I I told the people I was camping with. I didn't tell anyone. I went in and got um whenever we did the the tests, it was a couple of weeks later, and I still had the cough. And I remember trying not to cough in in some scenario, and I was and they're like, have you got a cough? You need a mask. Um, it was definitely not COVID because I had many uh taken many tests um and they were all negative. Nasal rape is what it was, wasn't it? Nasal rape, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:19

You know, I haven't to do those tests. Yeah, I had not heard that.

SPEAKER_01 28:21

Yeah, I haven't heard that saying either. Oh well. Yeah. You're welcome. It's a new one, yeah. Never ought to get that out of my mind. After uh multiple nasal rapes, um and it was say still saying negative. I did go in, I had wire hanging out of me at some stage, I had dye injected into me. But had they found lumps? What had they found? There were there were two lumps, and I could not touch them, feel them at all. And a doctor gave me a uh breast check exam. He's like, oh, I you wouldn't you would never have been able to feel those in any anything. I think I have got dense breasts. Right. Um so the the fact that I had mammogram is probably was probably life-saving because I wouldn't have had it for a couple of years. Right. Um so ladies, get your mammograms. Yeah, so it was a day of testing, but I they said we'll we'll call you back in a couple of weeks, and they did. And I still, I still went in not thinking for the result. I was speaking to to my best friend who lives on the other side of the city, and she's like, Look, I'll take the day off, I'll come in with you and we'll go to lunch. Like this will be a great opportunity to kind of catch up. So she came in and we were we got called in and the doctor just went, Yeah, you've got stage one cancer. And I was like, Oh okay. And like she left the room, and my friend just looked at me and I just went, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:44

All I I said. And did you hear anything after that? Or you just went into shutdown? I yeah, I probably didn't hear.

SPEAKER_01 29:56

I don't listen in the best of times, but it's good why it's just good to have someone with you. To have a friend there, yeah. So then we went off with the nurse and she gave me a little bit more of information as well. I learnt that in that scenario, if you go in to see a doctor and they bring in a nurse, it's never gonna be good news. Or if they touch your knee. Yeah. Oh, I didn't get the I I got a lot of breast touches during this experience. So I got felt up a lot by um everyone. Every nurse and every doctor under the sun's.

SPEAKER_03 30:25

So a shock diagnosis should not have perhaps been a shock because they were sending you messages and there was a little bit of warning there, but you didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to hear it. Also understandable. Yeah, you've had a shit few years, yeah, and now you've got a fucking mortgage. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:40

Yeah. And look, this diagnosis was um before my first um mortgage payment. Oh my god. I was like, oh fuck, oh, I I cannot. This is really inconvenient. Yeah. I just thought this this whole cancer journey was just such an inconvenience to me. You weren't worried about dying, you're worried about paying your mortgage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Basically, and you know what? Maybe it's my absolute ignorance or whatever, but I I just did not think I was gonna die. Like death was not an option for me. Um, I had a mortgage to pay, so why would it be an option? But apart from your hacking cough, did you even feel sick or unwell? No. Yeah, yeah. And I think I was run down, but I was like, well, I've had two years of two, three years of really shit times. Like, that's probably why I'm run down. And you're a working woman with two kids. Yeah, and I don't know whether it's the same with yourself, Jackie. Like, I don't think you get sick from this cancer diagnosis. Like, you know, I don't feel sick.

SPEAKER_00 31:37

I wasn't sick, I didn't feel sick. Yeah, I don't feel sick. And suddenly you've got this label on you. Yeah. And I'm like, but my body doesn't match no that that word.

SPEAKER_01 31:46

That whole experience. No. And it's not until you're going through the treatment or anything that that you feel sick that you're that you're doing that. So Yeah, I did feel the same. Yeah, yeah. It's it it it used to blow my mind. Recommended course of treatment was what? Mine kept changing. So first they were we need to go surgery? Surgery and get the lump out. Um, so they got the two lumps out and then they took a lymph node out. And then I thought this, and this will be a lesson for me. Every time I went in, I thought I knew the answer. Every time, and I never did. The second time I thought, right, they're gonna say radiation and whatever. And then they went, Oh, we didn't get it all. There's still precancerous cells there. And um it your lymph node had cancer in it, so we're gonna need to take all your lymph nodes out. I was like, okay, all right. So the blows keep coming.

SPEAKER_03 32:40

I know, right? And also you're having surgery as a single parent, like with two kids at home. Two kids, and I kept working, yeah. And did you have some support? Like your mum's obviously very involved, but Yes.

SPEAKER_01 32:52

Oh, I had an amazing community around me. I mean, Kyla, you know this community. This community gets around people in need. Um, and that was amazing. And look, even before I had cancer, I had this amazing community around me, and this is probably where I tear up because it's always, you know, um the community around you and the people that show up that you never really expected to show up for you. Like I think that's yeah, like that was amazing. And even like, as I said, even before, even in the separation and going through that and people helping me and people helping me strip off wallpaper and doing all like that. That, you know, I'll be forever grateful for every single person that that lent a hand in some way, you know, making a meal. So, you know, yes. And mum was there. Poor mum probably got the brunt of my bad mood half the time, but you know, that's what mum's are for.

SPEAKER_03 33:41

That's fair. So yeah. So did you say, yeah, this is why I told you to get a mammogram mate? Yeah, no, she wasn't it told me so. She didn't do it, told you.

SPEAKER_01 33:50

Didn't need to. Yeah. I did thank her. Yeah, I think at my 50th birthday speech was like, Thanks, Mum, good work. Um So surgery. Surgery two twice surgery. No, second one positive. Um and then I came back again and they were like, sorry, we still haven't got it all.

SPEAKER_04 34:07

Oh hell.

SPEAKER_01 34:08

Yeah. Um, and the the two things that I did not want to happen at all were a mastectomy or chemotherapy. I really I I was quite attached to my breasts. I liked my breasts, they were good breasts. Yeah. Um they attached to me. They were attached to me quite, but you know, I yeah, yeah. Um so you got a recommendation for Well, yeah. And then so this was even the worst part of it, right? So I went in and the doctor went, we recommended double massectomy. And I was like, Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 34:40

But did you have lumps in both breasts or just one?

SPEAKER_01 34:43

Just in one.

SPEAKER_03 34:43

So why would they recommend a double?

SPEAKER_01 34:45

I think maybe because the type of breast cancer. Well, it was only stage one, maybe because he's like, you've been through a lot of surgeries. But then the next one that I came back to, like they came back and went, actually, we don't recommend a double massectomy. We never d recommend double masectomies.

SPEAKER_03 35:03

Why the fuck were they chopping and changing like this all the time? I don't know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 35:06

Is it different doctors? Well, I think because I was in public, what actually happens is, you know, in this breast cancer things, there's like the the round table of nights of doctors and that they always kind of discuss your cases. Yeah, which I think is a good thing. Like you're getting multiple multiple kind of feedback on it. But I don't know. Like I think they went, you know, as a policy, we don't recommend double. It's we would say single, but this is your decision. And then they never kind of lent into which way I should go. And I found that a really difficult decision. So they went, go and get um genetic testing. If you have genetics, then you kind of that will help you with your question. That was a few months of waiting. Did that give you an answer that I it wasn't genetic? But I mean, but they also went, look, it's not genetic. You've got a lot of cancer in your family. It's not genetic yet. I think they went, for the tests that we have today, like it's not genetic. If we get new tests in 10 years, they could go, yeah, it's genetic. So that didn't help. That's like your decision.

SPEAKER_00 36:07

And did you know anyone that had gone through it so you could talk to them about um, you know, pros and cons? Because I know that that's I sought a lot of people out just to sound out some people. Because if you're only hearing it from clinicians and they're not actually giving you a recommended course of action, which mine actually did, yeah, but sounds like yours was like, well, here's all the information and off you go and go and figure out what you're gonna do for you. Go and figure it out.

SPEAKER_01 36:33

I joined a lot of Facebook cancer groups and Facebook um breast cancer kind of groups, and there's there's like a reconstruction one that you know I asked a lot of questions in and got a lot of feedback. And you know, everyone's experience of breast cancer, I think, is so different, and the outcomes are different. So And your personal trainer had had a single massectomy. She had a single massectomy as well. Yeah. So Kel and I used to talk a bit every now and then. But I'm also I'm also someone who doesn't investigate things a lot. Like I'm probably more intuitively driven in my decision making, I'd say. A gut feel. Yeah, I am a gut feel kind of person. Also, the realities of life had to, I had to make in those decisions as well, because I am a single mum. I could either go a double massectomy, which was probably got me out in six weeks, like a back up and running, or I could have the single, and that they would take, I forget what it's called, but they they take fat from your belly and reconstruct the the breast. But that's probably about two, two and a half months of recovery that I wouldn't have been able to work.

SPEAKER_03 37:34

And I'm like, well, I can't really were your work supportive, like you had some leave.

SPEAKER_01 37:39

Yeah, yeah. I am forever thankful for my work. I've worked for a big corporation, so they really had the capacity to do that. They gave me extra weeks of leave, they sorted my meals out, um, sent me gifts.

SPEAKER_03 37:55

So, you know. Um So what did you opt for in the end after the genetic testing came back?

SPEAKER_01 38:01

After the genetic testing came back, I um ended up opting for a double mastectomy and with implants. A reconstruction at the same time?

SPEAKER_03 38:09

A reconstruction at the same time. That's a massive operation, isn't it? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:14

It takes about nine hours or something, doesn't it? Um I think it was about five. I think it's nine hours if you do the stomach. Yeah. Um it was a tough decision. And I think I changed my mind right at the end as well. So the doctor was looking at me like, are you sure? And I'm like, Yeah, yeah, this is this is what I'm gonna do. From what? From perhaps going the single to the and the stomach um re um reconstruction. So To the double and in blend. I was sick and tired of the whole um experience that I was like, you know what, if if a pran cancer gets in the other breasts, like I'm not doing this again. I'm not doing this again. Let's move, let's move on. So yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:56

Yeah, massive.

SPEAKER_01 38:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:58

And how were the boys? How did you approach this topic with them? Not not necessarily what was gonna happen with your boobs, but yeah, right.

SPEAKER_01 39:05

Um oh look, they're boys. They You know, they're not over emotive, but they they were good. You know what? They were amazing. Um I went over to their dad's house and sat them down and told the news. Their dad was there as well, just as that extra support. And they kind of just went okay. And you know, I just made sure I told them I said, Look, everyone's story is different. So if you know someone whose story went in a bad way, that doesn't mean that doesn't mean not all cancer is created equal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Basically, so they were champions through it all, you know, they learnt the the um the symptoms of menopause early, because you know, I'll start stripping things off and um with a fan, and my youngest would be like, got a hot flush mum? And I'm like, Yes. Yes, I do. Yeah, it's good for them to be exposed to that. Oh yeah, they were good. But I remember one time telling them, um, I said, Look, I'm about to go on these drugs and um they're meant to meant to get in bad moods, you know, like and I think I went off at them and yelled at them later that day. And my youngest goes, Are are you on those drugs at the moment? I'm like, Yeah, no, mate, not yet. That was just me. And he's like, I can see his face like, okay, right. I've got something coming on.

SPEAKER_03 40:22

But um so you had the double massectomy, and how did you recover from? Well, firstly, can you tell us what happened when you left the hospital after the double massectomy and you asked about pain relief? Let's just get that little story.

SPEAKER_01 40:35

Oh my gosh, yeah, that is insane. I think in the first when I had an original surgery when they gave me Panadol, and my friend who used to be a nurse was like, they only gave you Panadol. And I was like, Yeah, and she's like, hmm, hang on. Um, and so then when I asked, when they um was leaving for this surgery, and which they were giving me strong pain relief in the hospital, and then they went, yes, and so um just take some Panadol when you get home. And I'm like, What? And they're like, Yeah, just Panadol. And I'm like, no, no, no, I need I need something stronger here. Yeah. So it took them, took me to come to them and go, No, you you need to give me the oxy or whatever whatever they gave me. Endone, that's it.

SPEAKER_03 41:17

Yeah. My son had an ACL and was sent home with a bag of endone and a whole lot of other stuff. Yeah, I mean, and you had both your boobs lopped off and rebuilt in five hours. And you are supposed to just cope on panadol.

SPEAKER_01 41:29

Yeah, it's insane. It was medical misogyny. Yeah, yeah. Alive and well, peepee. Yeah. That's great. Did they give you some? Yeah. Good. I made sure. Don't you worry about that. So yeah, I came home, I was attached to a bag, like a tube in a bag that was um, you know, dripping out, and that I was probably attached to that for four weeks. And my boys, like, they were still coming week on, week off, and they were they were great. Yeah. It it was hard to sleep though during those times. It was really hard to because then I was also put into medical menopause as well. So the joys, the joystick. Yeah, it was hard. The hot flushes were really difficult. The inability to sleep, I would stare at that ceiling for hours. And look, I had a massive community around me. I had, you know, mum stay, I had friends stay over. But I think, you know, the thing you miss from a marriage or from a having a partner in bed with you, just you know, those more vulnerable hours, like they were hard. Yeah. Like, because they were long. Yeah, on your own nights. Flying awake, your brains. And if the kids weren't there for the week, it's just a lot of thinking time. Thinking time. And I am not good not being occupied. So uh five weeks of sitting on a couch drives me insane.

SPEAKER_00 42:48

Yeah. Forced um healing. Yes, yeah. Yeah. What did you do?

SPEAKER_01 42:54

I watched I watched Succession. Yeah. I watched a lot of television. Yeah. Um, I started on a puzzle, you know, the all the COVID lockdown activities really. And how how do you like your new boobs? Have you got a big book? Not as good as the new old ones. Um, but I've gotten used to them. The gr the silver lining of these breasts are I um no longer wear a bra.

SPEAKER_00 43:14

That's cool. Yeah, man. That's right. It is good. And does that also mean you don't ever have to have mammograms? Yeah, they'll probably pop, I reckon. You never have to have a mammogram.

SPEAKER_01 43:25

I don't think so. No.

SPEAKER_00 43:26

How good's that?

SPEAKER_01 43:27

Yeah, I know. That that is so many benefits. I know. And no mammograms. They're perky. They're perky. Hopefully, hopefully they never, you know, I think they're gonna last a good 10 to 15 years.

SPEAKER_00 43:38

So go you. There has to be an upside to um yeah, you know, going through all that shit. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So then you go back to work after this, after your forced um Yes.

SPEAKER_01 43:49

I went back to le work. Um during my my forced leave, I was told I was told that my manager was being made redundant and I was being m moved into a new team. I think that broke me. Because my work was my one constant. And I think the next six months were marked by the breakdown, like a just that whole emotional breakdown. But like incidents of people make some making some decisions that that were out of my control that just really impacted me as well.

SPEAKER_00 44:20

So even though you've just gone through a divorce, cancer, the death of two aunties, and then you're still going through a breakdown when you return to work. Like still things aren't right.

SPEAKER_01 44:32

Things aren't right. No. No, no. Um and I think I'm one of those people who's just like, it'll be right. It'll be right.

SPEAKER_03 44:39

It's cool. Um Maybe also there were so many things coming at you in a row that you actually had no breathing space. And then finally you get back to work and there is a little bit of breathing space, but now you've got a whole new challenge.

SPEAKER_01 44:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:55

But that's when your body finally goes, Okay, oh my god. I have to process what's just happened to me over all these years, and then it just hits in a breakdown. So what what did that look like?

SPEAKER_01 45:07

I was at going to the doctors and the nurse took me aside, and you know, they do these like um I don't know, the depression scales always. The depression scale. Like they asked the questions and I was giving scores and I probably thought I was doing fine. And I think I got a low score, and they went, Yeah, you're you're not good. And I was like, okay. And then I went into the doctors and he was like, You need to go and see a therapist. Um, and he recommended um a psychotherapist is a psychotherapist, what's the one that the the they Freud? You know, the Freud, is that the one where they're like, let's go back into your childhood. Oh god. I think that's all therapy. Yeah, isn't it? Yeah. Um, and I saw her for a couple of weeks and she's like, let's go back into childhood. And I'm like, Are you fucking serious? Like, I've got enough shit going on here. Like, I don't need to go back then to, you know, explore things. So I went to kinesiology. Okay. Yeah, for an for a lot of a long, long time. And that you found that helpful? I have found that really helpful. Can you just explain what that is for anyone listening who doesn't know? Kinesiology is, and look, um, I'm probably a bit of a synagogue as well, but um it's like muscle testing. And it's it's about how your body stores experiences in your body, I suppose, and how you, you know, your body doesn't lie. Um, yeah. And it's kind of like, oh well, you're you're my you're um.

SPEAKER_00 46:38

You know, yeah, unresolved something. Unresolved tension or whatever. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 46:43

So um it was just going through that and a lot of talking and a lot of exploring. And she did go into my inner child, which I always felt I hated that part, but um Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 46:53

Yeah. Because you're a very practical person. So you just wanted practical solutions to the way you were feeling. Just get it. Just get it.

unknown 47:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 47:00

Did did the Cancer Society not offer, don't they offer counselling? I know it was more than just the cancer that you were dealing with, but um they probably do. Yeah. Yeah. You just didn't look into that. No, no, no, okay.

SPEAKER_01 47:13

I'm in I'm a d I'm in denial. You get it done.

SPEAKER_03 47:17

Well, you just move past it rather than move through it. Yeah. But then it all catches up. It all hasn't like.

SPEAKER_01 47:24

And I think that's my my lesson. You know, my my one online therapy session that I had in 22 in the d after the divorce where I went tick. Yeah. Yeah, that didn't help.

SPEAKER_03 47:34

You gave it one go.

SPEAKER_01 47:36

And I'm like, look at that. I'm reinvesting.

SPEAKER_03 47:38

Yeah. You did a six-week fucking financial course, but you wouldn't do six weeks of therapy.

SPEAKER_01 47:42

Come on, mate. I know, I know, I know, right?

SPEAKER_00 47:44

Invest in yourself. What's your greatest lesson then? When you sit back now and you think, oh, geez, I had this endless, relentless shit coming at me.

SPEAKER_01 47:55

Um is you have to address your vulnerabilities. Absolutely. Yeah, do you have to kind of um open that dark box. Open the dark box. And if not in the moment, then not too long after. It's gonna catch up. Yeah, yeah. So, you know, lean into the community that you have. Um, there is a big community around you that you won't know, but um and as women, we're not good at asking for help.

SPEAKER_03 48:24

So when people offer, like this is what I said to Jack when she was going through. I'm like, if people offer you, just say yes. Yes, like learn to do that.

SPEAKER_00 48:34

But you also don't know what you want. You don't know what you need. You just like you're surviving every day and you sort of can I help you? I'm like, I don't know. I don't know what you could do. Sorry, I don't I don't know. I don't know what I need, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 48:47

And I think that's the the the one lesson I probably learned that I would teach people that uh, you know, someone that they know is going through cancer is don't ask people what it is that they want because they don't know. They don't know, just do it, just do something.

SPEAKER_03 49:00

We had this exact conversation with Casey we've interviewed. She had um a cancer diagnosis at 29, and the same thing came out of it. People saying, Don't think of you, or if there's anything you need, let me know. Yeah, not particularly helpful.

SPEAKER_00 49:14

No, no, just turn up initiative with a lasagna or turn up with a cake. Yeah, something. Something. Yeah, a drink. Something. Don't vacuum the floor, like the lawn, whatever. Yeah. And I probably used to do this. Don't offer um vacuous kind of flippant, I'm here for you, and then not do anything. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:36

Yeah. And one of the other things I think I learned, and I don't know, Jackie, this is your experience, the I think it was this circle of every time you have to break the news to someone, you have to look after them. Like you really have to kind of manage their emotions. And I found that like heart, like, you know, it's it's kind of heartbreaking for them, yes, but Hello, we're not going through it. You're not going through it. Like, come on.

SPEAKER_00 50:00

You're just hearing news. Yeah. I'm living it.

SPEAKER_01 50:02

Yeah, yeah. I think that's really hard. And it's that I think I learned the circle around you, like when they vent, they need to vent out to other people. Not you. And not to you, and not not bring that emotional labor down on onto the person who's going through it. So they're probably the big, the big key lessons that I learnt through the cancer journey. And has life settled for you since Yeah. It took a while. Yeah. Yeah, it did. For I think I reckon 2026 is the year that I've finally year of the horse. The year of the horse. I think you need to stop saying that. That it's my year.

SPEAKER_03 50:36

Yeah. Because that's what happened in 2023. And then I know. I'm caught in uh danger.

SPEAKER_01 50:42

I am, I know.

SPEAKER_03 50:44

I know. But you seem to have you've had the breakthrough after the breakdown. Yeah. Would you say? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 50:50

Yeah. And it was hard. Um, you know, my poor manager after my new manager inherited, like, I was always in tears. And I am not someone who cries very easily, as you'll probably know, Kylie. Like, I did not cry, but I was often in tears. And um often often emotional, very emotional. Yeah, but I started turning things around and doing things for myself. I got a tattoo. Oh, of what? I got a tattoo, and that was very symbolic of of my experience as well. Can you just describe it? It's on my right forearm, and it's of this woman that's hugging her chest. Um, so she's she's kind of topless, but she's hugging it, and her arms are around her shoulders, and it that looks like a heart. And then her arms kind of go into leaves and growth. Um, so that's kind of the personal growth of the whole experience. There's a face, and she's got a lot of flowers on top of her head. So those flowers, indicative of of my boys and my own birth dates. So there's like the the daisy, which I think might be April, the roses June, and then the poppy, which is August for myself. And that's you know, the things that matter to me, that matter in life. It's about backing yourself and you know, the whole the whole cancer journey as well. So it's a just a continuous reminder of what I went through and the strength that I had and the the need to back yourself continuously.

SPEAKER_03 52:12

Absolutely. I mean, this is a lot for one person to go through. Yeah, it is a lot. So, what what would you say if someone's listening going through a shit time? Obviously, not necessarily the same as yours, but in those dark moments, what what helped you put one foot in front of the other the next day?

SPEAKER_01 52:30

What helped me? I think it was it was just about getting up every day and just going through it. I look back and sometimes think I've I should have taken a little bit of time off between the cancer diagnosis and the double mastectomy, but I I think you've got to have a belief in yourself that you are you've got everyone has got this inner strength, especially women, you know, and I think after I I gave birth, you know, I think you guys are both given birth. Like that shit is hard. Like that is hard. Like, how can you not? I remember saying to my friend afterwards, like, we can do anything. Like, we ex we survived that and we did that, and we and some people are stupid enough to do it four times, Kylie. Correct. Yeah, like if as a woman, like we are fucking warriors, man.

SPEAKER_03 53:17

We can do it. I did hear someone I know describe it as when she gave birth, it was like she turned into somebody else and she roared those children out of her body. Oh, and it was like nobody else existed.

SPEAKER_01 53:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 53:32

Like you just have to go so into yourself, don't you? To and I think it is an incredible, you're right. If you if you can do that, not to say that women who haven't had children don't also have the inner strengths, but it is one way to prove to us what our bodies can do. Bodies can do, yeah. And then they put stitches in your vagina and then they hand you a baby and go, here you go.

SPEAKER_01 53:51

Here you go, off you go, go do. Um well, I just I got mine cut out of me at the end of two emergency seasors, which is still not the easy way. No. Um but yeah, I think it's you need to understand, I think even in your weakest and most vulnerable moments, there is still an inner strength and there is still an ability to go through it. And I take great inspiration from the w women and their friends who do that, who face into their vulnerability and go through the hardship. And, you know, I don't I don't look at celebrities or anything else as, you know, I don't put them on a p pedestal, but you know, I've got my sister-in-law who's great inspiration. Like, you know, she's been going through a lot over the last number of years, and she's got this amazing, high, high-powered career, and the things that she was able to achieve. And, you know, there's just look at the people around you for inspiration.

SPEAKER_03 54:40

I mean, this podcast is exactly I mean, nearly every woman I meet feel like they I could they could come on and tell their story. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 54:49

I'm like that at the moment. Mean that'd be good. That'd be good. That'd be good. That's the console, right? Oh, that's a good story. Pretty much everyone I meet. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 54:56

But it's most so many women have stories of hardship. I mean, men of course as well, but we are kind of socialized to just head down, bum up, and get through it. Yeah. Without too much complaint. Because no one wants to hear it. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 55:10

And we never really take time out to reflect on what we've been through. And telling these stories on this podcast is one way that we're trying to highlight women's stories. Yeah. It's great to celebrate them.

SPEAKER_03 55:22

Absolutely. Um I think you're very wise. And I think you're incredibly strong. And you put on a very brave face every day. And I know you didn't really show me you're not brave faces, but yeah, I think you've been through a shitload, and you're probably done now. You've had your fucking quota. Well, that's what I think. That's coming easy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 55:47

So um So what's bringing you joy now? What's bringing me joy? I think um 2024 I set four goals for myself. I went to Bali with two of my best friends in that was the end of 2023. Tick. I got a job promotion at the start of 2024. Tick. Tick, thank you. I renovated my bathroom. Tick. Tick. Um, because that bathroom made me depressed every time I went in it. The old one, not the new one. And I gathered everyone who helped me through my journey for my 50th.

SPEAKER_03 56:17

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 56:17

And celebrated. It was a good night. It was a good night.

SPEAKER_03 56:20

Except I missed the speech because I had to go to another party, and the other party was a dress up party. So Nick, Nick and I arrived at Jody's, which was not a dress up party. No. Dressed up. What? Yeah. Um I was like disco. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So people were kind of looking at me like, who's the fucking weird? Oh, that's how she dresses all the time.

SPEAKER_00 56:37

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:38

Pretty much.

SPEAKER_00 56:38

Like the hell is she? What are your goals for 2026?

SPEAKER_01 56:42

2026. Oh, in 2025, just going back to I also took my boys away to Vietnam. So that was like, I am gonna take them away. 2026, I am gonna have fun. I love that. I just I just don't want to hold myself back. I um back myself a hell of a lot more. I'm just finding joy in being me and the simplest things from going out with a friend to watching a television series to having my own house. Um I have joy with my boys. Like I used to think when we first separated, I was like, I am not gonna be enough for these boys, like at all.

SPEAKER_03 57:24

But yeah, I am.

SPEAKER_01 57:25

You are we've developed our own way. More than enough. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 57:30

And you're living in the moment with them and they will remember.

unknown 57:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 57:33

Although they're better.

SPEAKER_01 57:34

Yeah, remember. Yeah. It's on record now. Yeah, they will remember if they if they get off their phones and actually listen to this podcast. Um, they probably won't. But yeah, I think it's about just celebrating life. Yeah. And just because it can change in a moment. It can change in a moment, and you cannot control that. That is probably one of the other biggest lessons. You cannot control what's coming at you.

SPEAKER_03 57:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 57:57

Um, and to go and enjoy. I back myself more. I don't, I don't care. I've lost the people-pleasing tendency within me. Yeah. Um, yeah, that's great. If people don't like me, who cares? That's fine. Yeah. I'll come I'll focus on the people that do. Bloody love that. Yeah. It's great advice.

SPEAKER_00 58:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 58:15

Is there anything that you'd anything else you'd like to share before we Um I think it's important for women to make sure they get their checks, you know? Go get their their mammograms. One in seven women in Australia are diagnosed with breast cancer. And I I think I hit more. I think after I heard that you got breast cancer, then I heard my GM of my business has was just recently diagnosed as well.

SPEAKER_00 58:36

I feel like it's less than that. I feel like it I don't know the numbers, you know, the official statistic, but it feels like a lot, doesn't it?

SPEAKER_01 58:43

Yeah. And I used to think um, oh, breast cancer, like the charity, they get all the money. Now I kind of understand why. I'm like, all right, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 58:52

We're half the population and we're getting they deserve it.

SPEAKER_01 58:54

Yeah. Um go get test. Yeah. Stop, stop putting everyone else first and go put yourself first.

SPEAKER_03 59:02

Potentially, look after yourself. Great advice. And financially too.

SPEAKER_01 59:06

Financially, yes. And medically. Yes, and medically. And one of the reasons why I came on this podcast as well is you know, I'll want to turn this whole shit experience of mine into something purposeful. Yeah. And getting people to go get checked. Brilliant. Thank you. Thank you so much for sharing.

SPEAKER_03 59:27

You may want to cry, you bitch. You manage the whole fucking thing. Cry up close, but I told you I'm not a crier. I know, but I am a crier. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 59:35

Thank you so much for the case.

SPEAKER_03 59:37

Thank you for the opportunity.

SPEAKER_00 59:38

You were amazing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 59:40

Thanks, Jody. Thanks, Jody. Thanks for listening to That Day with Kylie and Jack. If this story stirred something in you, if you've had that day, we'd love to hear from you. Find us on Instagram at That Daypodcast or get in touch via email. Hosts at thatdaypodcast.com. Your story matters.

SPEAKER_02 59:59

We're listening.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:01

We record that day in Naram on the lands of the Waranjri Boiurong people, the Kulan Nation. We pay our respects to elders, past, present, and honour their enduring tradition of storytelling.