This Is Me. This Is Raw & Embodied

Welcome to the very first episode of Raw & Embodied. 

In this episode, I'm sharing a piece of my journey- how I found my way back to myself, learned to trust my intuition, and why using my voicehas become such a big part of my path. 

This space is about being real, being honest, and coming home to who you are. 

If you've been feeling like there's more inside of you...this is your reminder to start listening. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to Brian and Body Podcast with Andrea Stamp. I believe in the power of our voices. And when we speak from the heart and embody love for ourselves and others, something shifts within us and all around us. This space is for real and honest conversations around spirituality, energy work, motherhood, womanhood, and what it truly means to live in alignment with who you truly are. No fluff. I'm not here to be perfect. I'm here to be authentically me and to remind you that you get to be too fully and unapologetically. Welcome to Raw and Embodied. I'm your host, Andrea Stamp. And for this first episode, I really just want to kind of give you a little bit of a backstory of um who I am and why I decided to create this podcast. And I also just kind of wanted to share that what's kind of been going on with me for the last three months and really explain how healing isn't always soft. And I feel like this last three months have kind of been brutal. And I almost didn't start this podcast, even though it's been on my heart for a really long time with different names that had popped in. Um I decided to call it Raw and Embodied because I feel that's just who I am. I am a very authentic, raw person that expresses herself emotionally a lot. And I really love to feel embodied in everything that I do. So, you know, I I put my whole heart into things when I am creating, when I am doing anything. And so I wanted to create a space where I could share my story and stories and my feelings and my thoughts. And I also will be bringing on other people to do that as well. So they can have this space to really feel seen and heard and also be able to just share from a very authentic place. Um, I think in our communities, we we love to share from a very vulnerable place, which I think is is very beautiful, but vulnerable gets like kind of overplayed sometimes when all we do is cry every single day. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with that, by the way. I'm just saying I feel that in all aspects of our life, no matter what is going on, some things can be just like overly performed or overly done. And I want to create a space where yes, you can be vulnerable and obviously can cry. I cry all the time. Please understand that's not what I mean by that. I just mean that I wanted to create a space where people could really show up as authentically real and raw and be themselves, including me. Um, so for episode one today, I really wanted to just kind of give you a brief um explanation of who I am and where I'm going to be coming from. And I want to kind of touch on healing and all of the stuff that's been going on with me. So again, my name is Andrea, and I have had a long journey to get to where I am, where I feel comfortable in my skin and I feel safe to be authentically me. And there's still some days I am because I'm human being that I don't always feel um like I'm showing up fully as myself. But again, that's we're human, right? It's going to happen. It is what it is. Um, but um I I am married. I have two beautiful children. Um, one is 20, one is 16. Um, my husband and I have been together for 22 years. We've grown up together. Um, I would say that, you know, what people have always shared with me is that our relationship is our biggest mirror and of growth. And I would say that with my husband and I growing up together, we definitely had our grow-up times. And there was, you know, it was never, I would never say that every single day has been butterflies and rainbows, and that it's been super easy. We've been together since we were in our 20s, and he is now 50, I'm 47. And um it wasn't easy um trying to figure out our path. We had our first son when I was 26, and our um my second son when I was 29. So um when I say that we all grew up together, I feel like we all grew up together. And I worked a corporate job until 2019, and it never fulfilled me. I deeply knew that spirituality, energy work, light work, all of these things were a part of my journey. When I was a younger child, I've always had psychic gifts since I was little. I just didn't understand exactly what they were. And plus, when you're younger, a lot of people tell you um it's your it's your imagination, it's not real, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Um, but um I would say that everything started to really start to shift around like 2017. I really was called to start going down a more spiritual route. And I immediately found some uh a shaman man called Oscar Dilla something. I don't remember, it's been so long. Um, and he was out of Colombia and worked with Jaguar Medicine. And I don't know what guided me to him immediately, but I immediately was drawn to that. But once I started the um program with all of these other people that were doing this deep earth shamanism, underworld, all of these things, I was like, I am way over my head. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Um, and so I kind of backed out and I was not, I didn't even really understand, I think, fully like giving myself the space to feel. But I know that I constantly was probably talking to my spiritual team back then and my soul and just had no idea really what that meant, um, which is fine. Um, that's the whole part of growth, but I think it was already coming through very deeply. So then I had gotten a ping to look up Reiki. I had heard it in the background of noise that I had heard um probably online or whatever, and I had no idea what it was. So I I actually Googled it and I found a woman that was doing it in Boulder. And I had no idea what I was signing up for. I had no idea what was going to happen. I just knew in my soul that this is what I was meant to do. So I immediately asked my husband, hey, can I spend this money on this? I really want to do this. And he was like, What the fuck do you want to do? Um, so it was um very fun to explain. I don't really know. I'm just getting guided to go. And I know that I need to follow it. So I end up doing Reiki One up in the mountains and Boulder, Colorado. And um after I was initiated into Reiki One, everything came back online. Things that I started remembering, my my spiritual team, I felt them almost like hugging me and surrounding me with so much deep love. And I just started crying. I had no idea about everything or where I was gonna do with this or how I was gonna use it, nothing. I just knew, oh my gosh, for the first time, I'm starting to get like this clarity of understanding that all of the things that I had been feeling over the years with my spiritual team, with my soul, with spirit in general, it was real. Um and I think me really wanting to get out of my corporate job, my brain, my logical brain was like, okay, cool. Like, how can I use this for a job so I can get the hell out of this stuff that's like slowly killing me? And the universe and the source energy was like, you're not really using this for other people yet. You need to heal yourself. Now, did I know that then? Absolutely not. I was like so gung-ho about really getting a Reiki business off the ground and starting to do things and use energy work so I could do this because I know that I meant to do this. Well, I wasn't yet. I needed to go through a lot of shadow work and deep healing and a lot of womb work and a lot of shit. So, anyway, um, in 2018, I decided to go and do Reiki 2, where you start doing things distantly and you start understanding a little bit more. Um, I feel like that one just caused a little bit more confusion. And I started really um diving deeper into uh yoga and yoga nidra especially. Uh Yoga Nidra is a deeper stated, deeper consciousness um meditation work. And at that time, my cortisone levels were super high. I was really overweight for me, and um, I was a nervous wreck. I was led to a teacher that taught Yoga Nidra, and I started going to her classes. I fell in love and I immediately was like, I don't even give a shit if I ever teach this. I am gonna go get certified in this because for me, like I know that this will be so helpful for me, and I can figure out, you know, how I can utilize it in my life. Yoga nidra helped me completely lower my cortisone levels, and my nervous system started coming back online and recalibrating itself in such a better way because I was learning how to have a extremely extremely restful sleep in those times. When you become more of an advanced teacher, I mean advanced practitioner in Yoga Nidra, you will stay awake the whole time. But at the beginning, you basically sleep because your body is finally going into a deeper state of relaxation. So I got certified in that in 2018 while I was doing my Reiki work. And I think the universe was just slowly unfolding, like pieces of how I was going to serve and teach in the future. I just had absolutely no clue back then because at that time I'm still not wanting to be in front of a room or talk to other people. I'm still feeling really nervous inside my skin whenever um I do anything, um, all the things. So uh let's see, 2019 rolls around. I'm still deeply in it. I'm now doing Reiki III and it's a five-month program. And I'm with I think nine other women, something like that. And so we're practicing all the time. And when I say all the time, I mean we're mating a lot every week, and we're making sure that we're practicing and we're making sure that I'm keeping up on everything, and I'm feeling so connected to myself again. And I'm starting to lose the weight, it is just starting to fall off because with all of this healing and all of that rest, my nervous system, my cortisone levels were dropping, like everything is starting to make more sense. Uh, we finally get into a place where my husband and I talk and I leave my corporate job. We live off of one paycheck for quite some time and just trying to kind of like figure out everything. Meanwhile, we're growing as um, you know, a married couple and we're raising two children in all of this. So I think that that adds so much of a challenge and character to so much that we're that we're growing and we're building into as a couple, as parents, as as a mother, um, at the same time as me trying to figure out what the hell I'm doing with my life. Um I around the end of 2019, I heard that a big shift was coming and something big was coming, something big was coming. And I was like, awesome! This bigness is gonna be all about my career. I'm gonna be able to like open my business, everything's gonna be so amazing. And then COVID hit. Yay! Okay, so that's what you were talking about. Okay, fine. So that space and time was fantastic for our family because I was doing yoga training and for a 200-hour yoga. I had only decided to join because I was going to ask, I asked that lady if I could use her healing space and if she would be okay with me teaching yoga nidra at her studio. And she said, you know, on a personal level, I would love for you to just come in and be able to do that. But on a business level, I actually need you to be 200-hour trained and have insurance and like all this. And I was like, that was back in fall of 2019, and I was like, absolutely not. I can't teach in front of a room. I have never felt comfortable doing anything like that. I'm way too like self-conscious and shy. Um, I, since I was younger, I did struggle with reading. I don't now, but I did, and I was very dyslexic, and I always felt I was very stupid when I was young. Um, I do know now that that's not the case, but it took me years to heal that and to get over that. Um spring hits and we sign up. I think in I think class started end of January, beginning of February, and then everything shut down in March here in Colorado. Um what was beautiful about that time is, you know, I feel like some families, or even just people weren't with their families at all, which it had to be so lonely for them. It was different in my home. It I really thought, oh my gosh, this is gonna be horrible with all of us home. It's gonna be so whatever. Oh my gosh, because the kids went out um for spring break, right when everything shut down. And they just said it was gonna be a long spring break, and then everything was gonna shift and it was gonna be fine. Um, and then they just never, they never went back. Um and at that time, I was doing yoga school for six months, and so I was I've I come to figure out why this yoga training was so important for me. This woman trained in India, so we learned Kriya, not understanding that Kriya was going to be a huge part of my life going forward, and Kriya is this is mantra, is movement, is breath work, all intertwined into one to be like this amazing energetic, like um upgrade to your body and coming back into your the body, like going inward a little bit more. There's a way better way to explain Kriya, but for now, that's the way we're gonna explain it. So she also taught me energy medicine, and I'd already been finding Donna Eden's energy medicine books before. So, again, you know, when the universe really wants you to start pivoting and stepping into your what you are here to do on this planet, if you really listen and things just start unraveling for you and the path just opens, and you can just begin to like do this. Um, so I'm in that training during uh 2020, and we are all just doing really well. We're spending a lot of time in nature. Um, I'm doing all my practices all the time. So I feel just amazing. I feel like the frequency is really high. I feel really good. Everything's just going so smoothly. Um, and then, you know, everything starts coming back online and we start going back to work and we start doing all of these things. And my logical brain thought, okay, I can I can still go back into really like wanting to like make money from this. I do need to start making money from everything that I'm learning. And the universe, God, source, whatever you call it, was like, not yet. Like, we got some more healing to do, and all of the things. So this is where I really want to start talking about that the healing isn't always soft and it can be sometimes really brutal. Um, I at this time in 2021, I end up shifting from a long relationship that had been in my mind and in my heart pretty toxic for a really long time. This was with a friend. And um I started to realize when her and I started going our separate ways, when I finally had the guts to walk away from that relationship. This person is not a bad person. Her and I are just not well together. Um, I started to realize my patterns throughout my life of how much I have been a massive people pleaser and I've had zero boundaries. I always run to the people that treat me like shit. And so for me to be able to grow even more and to evolve and to more of my mission on this planet, I had to start realizing that I needed better boundaries. I needed to love myself more. I needed to respect myself more. I needed to really go a lot deeper into my wounds than I ever, ever fucking wanted to. And so I started slowly doing that. And I know that the energy work came into my life so I could do that at a deeper level because talk therapy and all those things, those are great, but it wasn't doing what I needed it to do. I needed because it just continued like a loop over and over of talking about the same bullshit, but we weren't really getting anywhere and like doing it. So I think the energy work came into my life, not only to show me that I've been doing this lifetimes, but also to really go into those deeper layers that I just couldn't get into with talk therapy. So I start doing a lot of healing work and a lot of shadow work, and I start realizing that I have a lot of shit to really, really release and let go. Um, and I think that I did from my teenage life to my 20s, to some things that I hurt my husband in in our relationship, to many other things, or how I've been hurt in my in our relationship, from us just being young and being hurtful and things like that. Um so I release a really hard relationship. I then step into a studio um here in Colorado and I start really diving deeper into some things that I know that I need to start healing is also um my fear of being seen and my fear of using my voice and not being afraid to step into new things. I mean, I know that I was born on this planet to create and to put myself out there and to teach and to use my voice and to do all these things. But then, especially just in 2021, I was like, I am still scared, but I can feel in my soul and in my heart that this is what I am supposed to be doing, period. Excuse me. And so I just kept doing it scared. I started teaching yoga at this place, and it was just a two or one people in each class because you know, getting people to come back into the studios and stuff after 2020, even in 2021, was super slow. But I think it gave me the space to really start to own my voice and to start um not being as afraid as I was and really getting feedback from the people that were being able to join and all of those things. It was really good for me. Um, fast forward to 2023, I've been at the same studio for a couple of years, and again, it's still been pretty slow. I start to learn, um, How to teach Pilates as well. And I now understand that even that was really good for my body. And it's hard started to help me understand the body so much more. It was really for me to really own the fact that I was really a good teacher. And I was able to memorize things really quickly. And it helped build my confidence and really put myself out there more. I'm not saying that I will never teach Pilates again because I don't work at that studio anymore, but I do feel that it was really good for me to learn more about the body and also use my voice because you have to memorize so much cueing at each movement for people not to hurt themselves and to really honor Pilates principles and all of the things. So anyway, in 2023, I went to a thing in Denver, Colorado, and I'd listened to all the speakers. I went with a friend, and we just, you know, uh I didn't really understand why I wanted to go. I just knew I really wanted to go. So the first day, I was like, okay, whatever. It was inspiring, but nothing that I felt like was really why I was there. And then the second day came. And this woman came on stage. She is a friend of mine now, but at the time, um, I didn't understand why I was there. As soon as she got up on that stage, my whole body lit up. And I mean, like the tingling feelings that you have from your head to your toes, like like energy is just like being drawn to that person and like a frequency up level, like immediately. And I was like, okay, I need to go talk to this person. And um, as soon as she got off stage and we were all down talking later, um, I went up to her and was like, Hi, I am Andrea. I'm really, I know you're the only reason why I'm here. And I don't know why, but I just feel like I needed to introduce myself. And I feel like the one thing that I wanted to share with you that keeps coming up is that I keep keeping my spirituality separate from my work. And she just looked at me and said, And how is that working out for you? And I was like, it's not. And we kind of go our separate ways. I start following her online and um she, I don't know, I think it sometime in October, that was in June or July or something, and sometime in October, she had put on her thing that she's gonna do this little retreat. Um, she doesn't explain any details. She just said, I'm picking three women. Please, everybody DM me if you are interested. I immediately DM'd because my soul was like, you're going to that. Um, so I went and I get up there, and I think that we're doing some self-love retreat, and we're gonna just have like a circle, like we do at all things, like moon circles and all of this stuff. And um I I get a phone call from her, I think like the day before we're supposed to go up there, and she allows me to, she fills me in that this is going to be a plant medicine um ceremony and that we are going to be doing these things, but she's gotten the the hit from my spiritual team that I can handle this and that it's necessary for me to get out of my own way. I was like, absolutely not. Like, I'm not into this at all. I even when I my party days, when I used to party all the time, that is the one thing that I did not enjoy doing and I had no desire at all. Um, so she just tells me, okay, well, you can come up and then we'll see how it goes. And I was like, Well, I'm telling you right now, like, I'm definitely not partaking in that. Um, I had just started cleaning up all of my stuff. And um for a long period when I was a teenager going into my early 20s, um I did struggle with taking drugs too much and really wanting to always be at a higher state. Um, now I know that I was just trying to get to where I can with Korea and breath work and all of these different places. I was trying to get there spiritually, and I just didn't understand that. Um, I have struggled with those addiction things back in the past. So I didn't really want to partake in any ceremony where I would be doing those things because of those, my past. Um, so I get up to this retreat and um I get the loud feeling like you are gonna be fine, that this is necessary for your next step of evolution, of understanding who you are, what your path is, and that you need to get the fuck out of your own way. You are a control freak. You hold, you hold so tightly to um control and resisting um the the messages that are really coming through for me. And I was like, okay, fine. And so I did it, and it was the most eye-opening, heart-opening experience for me to experience because it was the first time that I got to see my spiritual team. It was the first time that I got to energetically really tap into the energetics around me and being able to see it as a frequency. So um, that's all I'm gonna share about that one. Um, and then I think let's see. So then 2024 comes and I get a lot more lessons of um how I am still really putting other people on a pedestal instead of trusting my own inner knowing and my wisdom. So I got another friendship that came into my life that was there for a big wham lesson, kind of like a bitch slap across the face. And it was, it, it sucked. And it took me some a few months to get out of the rage and the anger and the frustration of everything that came through. But if I look back at it, I was just mad at myself because I had already seen all of like the red flags, I had seen the pattern that I was repeating, but I did it anyway. And so I needed the lesson of this next person to come into my life and to show me where I was still looking at other people and looking outside of myself instead of really trusting my own inner wisdom. It was a lesson to come in and just remind me of that. So the end of 2024 comes and I decide to step into ceremony again. And this one showed me who I was and who I am at a soul level. And that can sound crazy to anyone, and I'm fine with that. I don't really care. This is my truth, and this is why I'm sharing it. Um, it showed who I am at a soul level and what I am here to do on this planet, and no pressure of how deep and big it felt in that one. And um I left there feeling like, okay, this feels this feels good. This feels like I feel inspired, I feel like all of this. And then 2025 hit. And at the beginning of 2025, my husband and I were not doing fantastic. Um, we just weren't seeing eye to eye. There was a lot of frustration happening between us, really lack of communication. I was really evolving one way, and he was really feeling um not seen and heard and feeling very neglected, and feeling like I was drifting away from him. I this that was not the case. I just was fully, I think, taking care of me instead of anybody else for once. And so many people that grew up with me were so used to me, you know, being very present um in the life. Again, that doesn't mean that that's what his experience was. He was just going through it. He had had a really rough year at work, and um, so our communication was just lacking. And so we were just having a really rough time and it kind of dripped into 2025. Um, in comes about March of 2025, and something just fully shifts, and we get back on track better than we ever have ever. And we realize that as we've evolved and grown, we really need to start speaking to each other in different ways. We need to show up for each other in different ways, we need to be able to really hear each other in different ways and support each other in different ways. So that was beautiful. Um, but as I continue to kind of step into this different path and being led into a different direction, there's still all this deep fucking healing happening. And anytime that you step into plant medicine ceremonies or you do deep shadow work or deep meditation work and womb work, especially as women, um it can bring up a lot of healing of the amount of um, you know, relationships that I had that I definitely shared my body with men that did not deserve it. Um, and how much the memory of being with very narcissistic and verbally abusive men in the past. Um, when you really start doing this deep inner work, the deep things that have happened to you in your past lives come through. And then you have to work on processing those and healing those, and you don't even know where they're coming from. I remember so many times of being sexually abused or hurt, and the memory would be so real, and the the sensations in my body that I had to go in and heal, all of these things. Oh my gosh, just so much. And then him having to hold space for this when he's like, but I don't, but I didn't do this to you. I didn't treat you this way, like I don't understand, you know, why I feel like this you you're taking them out on me. And so we just had to really work through all of 2025 of really explaining like it has nothing to do with you. Like if I don't heal these things and I can't show up as the wife that you need, and I can't be there for you in the way that you need, if I am still holding on to so much pain and control and resistance and all of these different things from other past lives and this life and this and da-da-da-da-da. I need to work on these things so I can show up on this planet to serve the way that I am meant to serve in this lifetime. So 2025 was pretty intense. And I think that towards the end of it, I started getting super resistant. Like, I don't know if this is what I really want to do with my life. This seems really fucking hard. Like, I don't know if being this light holder, this light barrier, this, this, this beautiful woman that can hold light and and the way that I'm meant to on this planet and to remind people of their light so they can stand in their light and to anchor light on this planet and to do all these things. I was like, I could just continue to work at the studio, do her marketing, and basically, like, I feel like this is a distraction. I can just do regular, you know, things that I've been wanting to do and do the workshops that are coming through for me and continue to teach these little weekly classes that are serving like five or ten people, and and I can just create a couple of things and then wow. About November, I started feeling like my soul being like, fuck no, this is not what we're doing. And when you step into this new path, you're gonna lose some friends and you're gonna lose some people, and it's gonna feel really uncomfortable, but you can do this. And I was like, okay, and I got the names of what was gonna happen and everything that came through. But you know, the holidays come and think Thanksgiving and Christmas, and so you get kind of wrapped up into all the holiday, though. I still have this very loud message coming through that everything is about to shift, everything is gonna change. You, you know, this is it's coming, like it's coming right now. And um, January hits, and I start just feeling so disconnected from everything that I'm doing. And I'm feeling like I dread to go to the studio where I'm working. I'm dreading to be around the people that are always talking and and creating there, and it's nothing against the humans there. It is literally just what I'm going through internally. And um, I know that something is about to shift, and I just don't have a clue how I'm gonna step away from the studio. I don't know how this is gonna be created, I don't know how any of this. So then February rolls around. We have the solar eclipse coming, the new moon. We have we're shifting out of that shedding. If you freaking follow anything about Feng Shui in Chinese calendar, we were stepping out of the shedding of the snake. And let me tell you how many things I shed in 2025, going up, and I think February 17th, that day of the solar eclipse was the day that we shifted into the fire horse. So the week before that, I have a Reiki retreat up in the mountains, and everything still felt like I know that I'm meant to be here, but something still felt horribly wrong and just off. So the next week I get back to work. There's a lot of drama there. There's no point in sharing it on the podcast. Um, it's not necessary for the protection of the other humans, but there was a big shift that happened and a big confrontation that happened, and all of that happening at my work at the same time. And then the eclipse happened, and my father passed away on February 17th. Very suddenly, I was very close with my dad. And I had already been having this really strong feeling about a week before my Reiki retreat, like the week before all of this happened, that I was gonna lose one of my parents. But again, as a psychic, as a highly intuitive, sensitive human being, you know, I was definitely in denial because I didn't really want that to happen. Um, and in the meantime, of all of this, I'm also transitioning now out of the studio that I've been working at since 2021 and really losing a friendship at the exact same time, the same friendship that they told me I was going to lose back in November. And so it hurt and it was very uncomfortable. And it brought up a whole nother round of deep grief and sadness and anger and so many things that I also needed to realize that were my fault. And, you know, that I should have been better about being vocal about some of my feelings that were happening with me. And then this other human, this other friend of mine, went to felt so blindsided when I when I finally expressed um that I wasn't really happy. Um, again, there's a lot of other drama that's not important about talking about, but it really hit me like a freight truck, freight train. Sorry. Um, and my whole life just got turned upside down all at once on that that day, February 17th, and that week was just wow, dude. I literally just felt like someone was trying to rip off hard tape off a bullet wound. Like that's it was just one thing after another. It was my dad, and then it was my job, and then we took off to Mexico, and um, all my shit was stolen 45 minutes after we got there in my wallet, my my phone, everything. Like it just it was like it was almost like I had to go through the deepest depths of grief and sadness and anger and frustration, and everything had to be just taken away all at once. So I would realize like there is no more fucking around. It is time for you to take this to the next level, and this needed to be removed so you could do it. Um, I'm not talking about my father, just um the other stuff. Um and so the healing process for the last two months has been so many ranges of emotion. And I I think as someone that is a spiritual woman and is in the spiritual community and all of the things, um and someone that creates so much uh beautifulness in this world, like I love just creating beautiful workshops and classes and retreats and all the things, and I have felt like the most uncreative, stagnant, sad person for the last two months. And I get it, I'm grieving and all of the things, and I'm grieving a friendship. I'm not just grieving my father, I'm grieving a friendship, I'm grieving a position at a job that I deeply poured my entire energy and existence into for, you know, five, four years and I five years, and so I feel like everything had to happen the way that it did, but it still didn't make it less uncomfortable and painful and hurtful and sad and making me feel very angry. But I think there was another piece of me that really had to be shown that I am deeply still trying to sit in the comfortable instead of really stepping into what I've been shown that I'm really here to do. Um so I think that as human beings, we need to understand that there are going to be moments in our life that are gonna feel fucking horrible. We are human beings, we are here to have a human experience, and that means having a huge arrange of emotions. We are here to be angry, we're here to be sad, we're here to have guilt, we're here to experience, you know, a lot of different kinds of ego deaths, which I don't really believe that your ego ever dies. We need our ego, our ego is a part of us and it keeps us safe, but it also is just a part of ours. So I don't feel like I feel like you need your shadow, you need your child self, you need your ego, you need all of the things. So again, when I say that, I just mean that you're gonna have a lot of shifts in your life that are going to feel like you died. This was one of them. I literally felt like I had to die a little bit to come back and realize, okay, this had to be removed so I could step forward, or otherwise I never would have. Um, but uh another thing that's been on my mind today that I really feel goes in theme with what we're talking about today is in the spiritual community, we hear a lot that, you know, it's not okay to be in your love and light, and that we need to have all of the range of emotions. Then you have the other side that's like, oh, you need to stay in the frequency of love and you know, not complain and not do this because then your blessings won't come in. And I'm like, okay. Or we could just be neutral and understand that it's okay if they Is a person out there that literally is in their joy and is in their light a lot and in their love, and that they are here to anchor that energy for this planet and they should not be put down for it. Now, I understand that a lot of people will go after people like that because they're like, they're just always like, Oh, don't talk negative, you know, you gotta like da-da-da. I know, but if we just continuously tell all of these humans that are here to anchor the light and that are in their love and in their joy, and they're genuinely really happy, then we are taking the frequency away from them that they get to stand and hold space for us in that way. And then we have the other people that are too much in their emotions every single day, their grief, their anger, their sadness, their frustration, their negativity, and all of these things. If we can just find a way to like hold space for our emotions and not live there, but also process them, but also understand that we get to do all of these things without putting other people down. I have I've gone through so much in the last two months, just like other people on this planet are going through right now. I mean, look at everything that's happening in the world right now. And so I could sit here and beat myself up and be like, oh my God, this is nothing like what is happening over in Gaza or Iran or here and that. Okay, but that is that is what's happening there. That doesn't mean that I do not have the um the own my own shit going on as well that I do need to process. And if I can't come back to some back to myself and back into this neutral state and back into the frequency inside of myself without judgment, with lots of love, with compassion, being able to hold space for the fact that I have felt completely unmotivated for a person that it creates all the time. I have felt stagnant. I've been hard on myself. I have felt like I shouldn't be able to like, I should be able to just like get over my grief and like move the fuck on. You know, there's so many things that are going on the planet I should be holding in my light. Again, that's all bullshit. I'm allowed to go through everything that I am going through, no matter what is going on in the planet, so I can process it. So I can come back into my myself and anchor back into my light and come back into that neutrality, understanding that yes, there is a lot going on. But if I can't come back to myself and I just stay in the spiral where I feel guilty that I have emotions right now and things happening to me while other things are going on in the planet, like that doesn't serve either. And so I think we get to give ourselves permission to be in a range of emotions and also hold the light. We also get to have shitty fucking days and know that it's not going to fuck up our frequency to receive. We get to have both. And we get to be in our love and we get to be in our sadness and we get to be in these things. And we also get to understand that even though it may not be a war, we are still going through our own shit. All right, I want to circle back. So as this year has continued, and the last three months have been super freaking hard for me. Um there is a lot of love still happening, and there is a lot of beauty. And the reason that I wanted to create this podcast is because I want to be able to share all of that without filtering it, showing up authentically and being my true self. And I want to bring on humans that can do the same. I think we have a lot of people that are still performing out in the spiritual community and out in this world, that they have to be stronger than they really are, or they have to do this and more than they are, and they have to be able to hold space in a certain way. And it's like, okay, cool. I'm all about being a tough bitch and really like being authentic and showing who I truly am. But I also am one of the most emotional, deep-hearted human beings in this planet. And so I'm gonna go through ranges of emotion. And I don't believe that I should have to keep it in to make anybody else feel better. But I also struggle when I see people that can't get out of their own way. Because I'm a human being. I'm I may be a spiritual person, but I'm not here to I think um hold everyone's hand until the very, very end. I am here to stand in my light, to express my voice, and hopefully be able to do that for you, to show you your light, to remind you who you are, and to believe in yourself. And you know. Yeah. Okay. Thank you for listening. Thank you for joining me today, and um, yeah, until next time.