Resistance, Self-Sabotage & The Power of Awareness

 "Sometimes the resistance isn't a sign to stop. Sometimes it's simply showing us where healing is still asking to happen." 

This week's episode is a real and vulnerable conversation about resistance, self-sabotage, grief, identity shifts, and what happens when your soul is asking you to step into something bigger.

Over the last year, I have been moving through one of the most transformative seasons of my life. Losing my father, leaving behind a huge part of my identity, deep shadow work, inner child healing, and navigating the discomfort that comes when you know you're being called into a new chapter.

In this episode, I share how resistance showed up in my life, the ways I was unknowingly and knowingly self-sabotaging, and the powerful awareness that came when I finally stopped fighting what my soul has been asking of me.

We talk about:

• Resistance and why it shows up when we're ready to grow
• Self-sabotage, self-abandonment, and old coping patterns
• Grief, identity shifts, and letting old versions of ourselves go
• The importance of support and allowing others to hold us
• Inner child healing and uncovering hidden fears
• Why awareness is the first step toward lasting change
• The evolution of my work and stepping fully into Raw & Embodied
• Anchoring your light and trusting yourself more deeply

My hope is that this episode reminds you that you are not broken, you are not behind, and you are not alone. Sometimes the resistance isn't a sign to stop. Sometimes it's simply showing us where healing is still asking to happen.

Work With Me

If you've been moving through grief, transition, self-doubt, old patterns, or feeling disconnected from yourself, I would love to support you.

I currently have openings for my Pathway to Your Inner Light 1:1 Sessions. Together, we create space to uncover limiting beliefs, shift old patterns, reconnect with your intuition, and remember the truth of who you are beneath the conditioning, fear, and self-doubt.

Learn more and book your session at:

peacefulbutterflyhealings.com

You do not need to do this alone.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Run Embodied. I'm Andrea, and I'm so excited you're here. This is a space where we are going to get real. We'll talk about healing, the stories we carry, the patterns that keep us stuck, the courage it takes to use our voice, and what it truly means to choose ourselves. My hope is that every conversation helps you to come back to your own truth, your own power, and your own inner light. So take a deep breath, settle in, and let's dive in. Welcome back to Ron Embodied with Andrea. Well, you guys, there were so many subjects that I wanted to talk about this week, but I think that with everything that is going on and the energy of this planet right now and how we are all feeling, I think. I think the one thing that I really feel that is important to talk about right now is when you are stepping into all this uncertainty, and your soul is asking you to level the fuck up. To level it all the way up, turn the notch all the way up. We can be met with a huge amount of resistance. I mean, if you're anything like me, you feel a shit ton of resistance because you're like, no, I'm actually gonna take a left if you say right. And if you say right, I'll definitely go left. Um, maybe that's just me, my poor spirit team. Poor guys. Anyway, um, so I have been resisting a lot of things. I have been resisting what has been coming through from my soul for months. And I started the process. I was actually looking back at Ron Embodies Instagram. And on June 14th, I stated exactly what was coming through, and that this is the new transition that I was going through. I was releasing my old business. I'm fully stepping into Ron Embodied and really just owning this new essence of energy that wanted to come through and allowing this old identity of myself to die off. And, you know, it was super effing uncomfortable. I'm still feeling it. And it doesn't feel fantastic every day. And what I've noticed in the process of all this resistance, and even though I have been doing things behind the scenes, I've kind of been filling my energy and my time with like quote unquote busy work, you know. Oh, well, I change colors on my website or I did this, I did that. And I'm like, cool. This is not at all what my soul is ready to start calling in and ready for me to start creating and the women that I'm, you know, being called to support. I'm not doing any of that. I'm I'm still kind of hiding and resisting some of the steps that I know that I need to take. The other thing that I started noticing is that I started self-sabotaging a little bit, um, falling into some old patterns and habits of, you know, maybe drinking too much with friends and then feeling like shit, um, uh noticing that I am watching my phone way too long, making excuses, that I'm just so busy, like and getting myself out there and like running errands, doing this. Oh, I have to do this today. I can't do that. I have to do that. You know what I mean? Just self-sabotaging. So then what that does to our energy and to our soul and to all of these things is we start to feel like we are abandoning ourselves because we truly are. You know, the soul is coming through to tell you like it's time, it is massively time. It is time. And again, it was June 14th when I made a post that said that it was time to release all of this. My soul was so ready, she felt so potent, and I just I mean, in my defense, a lot of shit happened in that time frame after that. My father passed away, I left and I a whole huge identity that I thought was gonna be my identity for a really long time. I lost friends, I was completely and utterly just I think it felt like lost, dead inside, whatever you need to say. It just didn't feel very comfortable. And I mean, when we're dying and releasing old self and old energy and old relationships and all of these different things, it's, you know, massively uncomfortable. And so I wish I could tell you I was one of these amazing spiritual women that just lean in when spirit tells them to do something and you just obey and follow. I wish I was. It would probably make my life so much easier, but I'm not. I challenge a little bit and I resist a lot and I keep saying, but what if I do it this way? So now that we're on that note, what's been coming up for me is I have been teaching Reiki for a while now. I have been doing Reiki since 2017. But my gifts itself have evolved so much in the last 10 years, and my soul is ready to shift. In came Ron Embodied. The download for the podcast had come through, and then everything that I really wanted to do with women was starting to completely change. And not completely. All of the things that I was teaching yoga, meditation, Korea work, energy medicine, Reiki, all of those things, they were all super important. But it wasn't necessarily super important anymore for me to teach others all of those things. It doesn't mean I'm not going to teach yoga, it doesn't mean I'm not gonna teach meditation, Kriya, energy medicine, all of these things. It just means that the way that I really want to stand in my light and help others is to do the same. So the download that came through for me back in 2023 was you are here to anchor that light and to show others how to anchor theirs, how to be seen, how to hold that light, to stand in their light, own that light, embody that light. And I didn't know what the hell that meant in 2023. I just was like, cool, I'll keep teaching them the Reiki because that helped the, they that helped my gifts open. And then in return, that helped XYZ down the road. And so I'll just figure it out. So, you know, I always say that I'm resistant and I don't listen to my spirit team, but I probably do. I just do it in a weird way. So here we are. But I started down that path and I started understanding, okay, I really started to feel this uncomfortable energy anytime that I was doing something that wasn't aligned with me anymore. And it all started around like last September, last August of 2025, and it amplified. I think I've said this in some of the other podcasts. Whatever, if you've listened to them, that's great. If you haven't, I'm going to explain anyway. So at that time, I had gone to a rebirth retreat. And in this retreat, when I left, I feel like holy shit, a piece of me just died. And at first, instead of like the rebirth being like, yay, this is happening, I went diving headfirst into shadow and shadow work and a lot of my darkness inside of me had to come to the light and be amplified and be healed and to be acknowledged, witnessed all of the things. So, because if I'm gonna do this work with women, I have to fully, you know, have done this work myself. And I had done little shadow works here and there, but this one was a doozy. So that was pretty big all of the end of 2025, and I just couldn't figure out why certain relationships weren't working anymore. I couldn't stand the sound of certain people's voices anymore. I couldn't stand certain habits, I couldn't be around certain people. Like there was so much that was going on with me at that time. And so I I just didn't know what was happening, to be honest. Um, it was probably one of the darker times of my life. And I got a ping in I think November of 2025 that everything was gonna really start to shift. And I just started getting even more uncomfortable. And then when January hit, I got the big aha that this is coming through for you, and we would love you to um step into it. And so I, you know, I was getting ready, and I think that the universe was like, I just don't think she's really gonna, I don't think she's really getting it. And then boom, February. And again, I know that anyone that's listened to this podcast understands that my father passed, and then I released everything of this old identity, and it was very painful, and it was very dark, and there was so much grief and so much pain and so much anger and all of these other emotions that came with it, right? Let's fast forward to let's say, like May. I've had a little bit of time, you know, it's getting towards my dad's celebration of life, and I'm starting to heal from a lot of the other things that happened in this shadow period of mine. And I am met with, I think, the next layer to kind of just show me still where I am hiding, where I don't want to be seen. So in comes a bunch of inner child work, and I start peeling the onion and I start going through all the processes, and I really am starting to work on all of these things with myself, and um it's obviously not easy. When we start peeling the onions of our inner child, and then you know, sometimes past lives want to come in and ancestry stuff, and all of it once wants to be seen once you start opening that can of worms. And so there were days, not hours, days where I would really have to sit with something and let it move through all of the ranges of emotion so I could clear it, so I could collapse it, so I could remove it, so it wouldn't be holding like reins on me. Almost like the reins of like that control on a horse. That's what it felt like behind my spine. It was almost like it was pulling me backwards, telling me that it was too scary to go forward. It wasn't time to be seen. And so when you're trying to do all of this work and you're also trying to step forward in your business so you can start holding space the way you know that your soul came here to do, you can be met then with so much of this different kinds of resistance. And you start seeing the self-sabotaging coming in and the self-abandonment and all of these different things that even if all of the work that you have done, you are still doing. Because again, we're human. I honestly think that no matter what the work we do, we are always gonna have to remember that we are human. We're here to have a human experience, to feel all of the huge range of emotions. And we are going to be faced with whatever you want to call it, our ego, our shadow, our inner child that is going to help that resistance and tell you that it is not safe to stop forward. You do not need to be seen. You do not, you're not here. Who do you think you are to help other women to see their light? Who do you think you are, Andrea? And oh my gosh, I was going through it last week and into this week. And I finally went to my friend's house yesterday. And we were sitting outside in the beautiful weather, just talking for like three hours. It's the best kind of days, especially when you know that you're so held and supported. And trust me, ladies, remember that we all need that. No matter what our design is, what our astrology is, how strong we are, any other bullshit that we try to say that we don't need help and support. We all need to reach out to our friends and allow them to hold us and support us, especially if you are a giver and a person that is always going and going and giving and giving and giving. Remember to fill your cup up with people that will hold you and love you. Okay. So we were sitting outside talking for three hours. And at the very end, I just told her, I keep looking at my offering and my retreat that's coming up, and I don't want to do it. And so she walked me through a lot of things because again, just because I've been doing a lot of this work by myself, sometimes we need support of an outside perspective. But I need to say something about that. There is a fine line of looking outside of yourself, looking outside of yourself, always needing validation, looking outside of yourself, da-da-da, and just receiving support. I was not asking outside of myself yesterday. I had a friend listen to me and give me a perspective. Not tell me what to do, just give me a perspective and then give me the feedback in a beautiful way to go home and sit with that feeling. Why do I feel that way? Why do I feel like I don't want to do, you know, just energy work anymore, or I just don't want to teach Reiki. Because all of these things are beautiful things. These are all beautiful tools that have helped me massively in my life. But what I didn't realize is that my identity was so interweaved and attached to my offerings that I didn't realize that the reason I've been resisting to move into this beautiful energy and this new essence that's coming through for me to serve on this planet was because my identity was so attached to what if people won't like me, won't see me, won't hear me, if I fully step into this new version of what I want to create to be of service on this planet now, if they only see me as peaceful butterfly healings, this peaceful meditation teacher, this peaceful woman that, you know, helped you just relax. And again, I'm I'm never gonna leave that work. She's always going to be a piece. But I had wrapped my identity that that is all I'm allowed to be. I wrapped my whole thing and attached that I have to be the certain persona or I will never be able to grow. No one will like me, no one will do this. And so that's what came through on the way home when I was talking to myself in the car, because I do that all the time. And because we all know I'm not talking to myself, so let's move on. But I it came through really loud. So I came home last night and I took a nice salt bath, and then this morning I got up really early and I took a long walk because when her and I were discussing it, when I I felt this really heavy energy come through, like, stop talking about this. You're not gonna do it, let it go. And so when I went on my walk this morning, I had on really loud music at first, and then my soul was like, not today, dude. And so I changed it to like really beautiful music that was really soft, and I hit the open space by my house and I just started bawling. And I could feel that energy leaving my body that she was like okay with everything finally, and that it was okay to not hold on so tightly in control and resist everything that is coming through and just let it flow. So I just let it, I just I just balled, I just stood out in the open space and I walked really, really slow when I did move because oh my gosh, it was just an overwhelming energy of just really wanting to let go. It's okay. You don't have to control everything, you don't have to hold on to everything, you can let go. This doesn't have to be so hard. You don't have to resist everything, Andrea. You don't have to self-sabotage and think that just because everything is starting to work out, that everything is gonna fall apart.

SPEAKER_01 19:09

You can let it go.

SPEAKER_00 19:11

You can let it all go. It doesn't have to be so heavy. And you can release that old self now.

SPEAKER_01 19:18

It's okay.

SPEAKER_00 19:22

And like three people walked by me as I was bawling in the open space this morning. So I'm so glad that I just don't care. But I just I realized at that time that all of this overwhelming energy wasn't just a you know, a version of myself. It was just the one that really wanted me to let go. There was just no more, no more room anymore. She has served her purpose. And I love her. She has brought me to where I am today. But now I get to just trust and surrender and release all this resistance, release the self-sabotaging habits that are not important to me. Of course, without judgment and shame, releasing those and allowing myself to step forward into this essence and this energy that I am here to serve on this planet because I know who I am. And I then give it out as much as I can, reminding women, especially, I think men one day, maybe reminding you of your light. And for a long time I wrapped up that it had to be this like energy training or Reiki training for us to do that. And it's that's not the truth. I get to utilize those tools and teach you those tools, but they're not the point. It is more about teaching women to not abandon themselves anymore and to not dim their light and to shine as brightly and beautifully as they feel that they are here to do as well, and be of service on this planet to anchor that light as much as I can.

SPEAKER_01 21:33

Anchor that love and to open my heart and expand it out as big as this planet. So here I am.

SPEAKER_00 21:47

And you know, I wouldn't be human if I wasn't going through the exact same things that the universe wants me to teach, right? I mean, that's what makes us so well. Versed in what we are teaching and what we are doing because the universe has you go through it first and a lot. So you can understand the assignment and you can also hold it in an unguarded, beautiful way for all of the women that are going to need it. Thank you for listening today. I want every woman that gets to listen to this to understand that we are very important. And doing the inner work and believing in yourself and being able to come back to your light is so important. I will completely be redoing all of my offerings. They are already starting to update on my website. But a lot of my offerings are going to turn into more of like spiritual mentorship where we can work together and clear blockages and anchor your light and give you the tools to do all of those things and remind you who you are.

SPEAKER_01 23:13

I'm just a mirror to remind you who you are. All right.

SPEAKER_00 23:20

Thank you so much for listening. And I'm excited for this journey. Remember that resistance is going to always come up when we have these things. We are human beings. And, you know, we are going to self-sabotage and self-abandon ourselves sometimes. And that it is normal. But we also get to choose differently. When we notice these things, and because we have done the inner work and we have done all of these things, then we start to understand that we can shift those stories and those programming so much faster. And I really want to help women understand that. And that we can shift and move things at such a quicker pace when we don't live in those places. Because gosh, I remember when I was younger, I would live there for years.

SPEAKER_01 24:11

And I wouldn't change a thing. So I hope that you all have a beautiful, beautiful day wherever you're listening to this. And I'll see you soon.

SPEAKER_00 24:27

Thank you so much for being here and spending time with me today. If this episode resonated with you, it would be so freaking awesome if you would subscribe, leave a five-star review, and share it with someone you love who may need to hear this message. Every review and every share and every listen helps with this podcast to reach more people. And I would be so grateful. And if you've been finding yourself in a season of grief, transition, self-doubt, feeling stuck, old patterns, all the things I completely understand. And I also want you to know that you don't need to go through this alone. I know that when this was going on with me, it was so helpful for me to reach out to get some help because I feel like we always try to do things ourselves. I offer my pathway to inner light one-on-one sessions. And this helps you to reconnect with yourself on a deeper level. And together we will gently uh peel your onion and uncover beliefs, conditionings, and energetic patterns that may be keeping you small, disconnected, and questioning everything. This work isn't about fixing you. You are not broken. It's just about creating a safe space for you to remember who you are, reconnect to your inner light, and to step fully into your true self. You can learn more and book a session at peaceful butterflyhealings.com. And until next time, keep shining your lights, keep being authentically you, and I'll see you next time.