Standards vs. Comfort (Episode 5)

Living up to your standards feels good. Not in the moment, but in the way it compounds over time.

In this episode, Kyle Hosick and Kim Fitzpatrick explore the relationship between standards and comfort, and why comfort isn’t something you chase, it’s something you earn. When you hold yourself to what you believe, the reward isn’t just the outcome, it’s the way you feel about how you showed up.

Standards come first. Comfort follows.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Legacy Live. I'm your host, Kyle Hosick.

SPEAKER_01 0:03

And I'm your host, Kim Fitzpatrick.

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Again, this is the podcast we focus on business, entrepreneurship, leadership, coaching, anything that can kind of just make your business life better and your personal life.

SPEAKER_01 0:26

So today we are talking about standards.

SPEAKER_00 0:30

Standards. I love comfort. Standards.

SPEAKER_01 0:32

Standards versus comfort, which I love. Because I actually, there's so much we can dive into when we talk about standards and we talk about comfort, we talk about the intersection of personal, of business, of leadership, of your routines, of your rituals.

SPEAKER_00 0:46

Discipline.

SPEAKER_01 0:47

Oh, discipline. I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_00 0:48

Comfort is easy, dis discipline is hard. And I'd love to talk with you more about how do discipline and standards intersect? Are they the same thing? Are they two unique things? Because I kind of treat them as two unique things in my world.

SPEAKER_01 1:05

Me too. And I I treat them as two unique things. You know, one of the things it's interesting that you're saying that, because it is such an intersection. And I only just married them, to be honest. I just really only married my standards, my discipline, all of that from an identity level upgrade. Probably I'd say in the last like 24 months, when I realized it's all as an intersection. And the more that the more dis the more I have standards, the more that my discipline falls into line because it's also just who I am.

SPEAKER_00 1:32

Right. Yeah. Standards for me, like I I know what my standards are, and I can sense if I'm not living up to them, I get like an anxiety. Right. Like I can, I am always on time. I try to be. It's not disciplined if one time I'm it's not not disciplined if one time I'm not. I give myself that it's gonna happen. That doesn't mean that isn't my standard. Um, same thing. I want to bring the energy all the time. We took, you know, we've talked about this at length. Um the comfort thing, though, for me is where you know, I live in the darkness. This is my running theme. It's if I get too comfortable, that's what scares me. Where I'm like, why is this easy? There's a degree of difficulty I want in everything. And when my standard, when I'm living up to my standards, it's not difficult. Right. Things get easier. That's the weird dichotomy of comfort and standards, is like I meet my standards and life is comfortable because I'm okay with how I'm living and what I'm doing.

SPEAKER_01 2:41

You know, and I think one of the things that's really important to note is that the reason why that's happening, you're comfortable because you're living within your standards. There, that's an important thing. For those of you that are listening, for those of you that are watching, it's like really asking yourself, when do you feel most comfortable? I actually feel uncomfortable when I'm not following through on the things that I said I'm gonna do. It's not that it's good or bad, it's just an awareness, right? I really believe that you understanding what makes you tick and what makes you feel comfortable. You know, sometimes, like for example, I would, if I were to think, oh, I'm gonna take this, we talk a lot about recovery, right? We talk a lot about different things in terms of like how you need to, you know, ritualize your habits and how you recover, et cetera. But if that part is a, if standard, if part of your standard is about you taking time down and it is about you recovering, or it is about you unplugging, that doesn't mean that you're low that you're lowering your standard by being more comfortable.

SPEAKER_00 3:38

Or that's a slippery slope. Or that you're not disciplined. Yes. Because people confuse, like, I have no discipline. I didn't do, I took that time for myself, and now I have reverse anxiety because I think I'm questioning whether I'm disciplined. And it's important to make that decision uh distinction um because that's where I say there's that dichotomy there. Standards and discipline are two different things.

SPEAKER_01 4:02

When you split it on a canvas, right, or on a piece of paper or in your scrap where you're literally thinking, what are my standards? And what do I need to be disciplined in? So one of the ways that I like to look at it is if you look at your schedule, right? If you're looking at your schedule, you know what your week entails. You know, you've got a standard of when you need to be there, what you need to bring, the energy that you need to bring. You can infuse your standards and your discipline in your schedule, just as much as we love to talk about embedding your values in your schedule, right? A lot of times I'd say if I if we were to look at your schedule as an ex as executive coaches, would we see what your value is? Would we see what your standard is? What we would we see what your discipline is, because it is evident in what you schedule, it is evident in what you follow, and it is evident in what you do.

SPEAKER_00 4:45

And in business, I think people it's really a case of people hear what you're saying, but they see your standards. Right. When they interact with you. That's what's visible. Yes. Um, you know, talking makes up a ton of business. Here's what I'm gonna do. Here's what I've done in the past, here's my proposal, right? Here's my idea for the future of this relationship, but your standards reveal themselves visually. Where is he there on time? Have I ever seen it where he showed up and I can tell he's in a bad mood, he doesn't want to be here. My standard is no one's gonna know what kind of mood I'm in. Yeah, and I love that. Like that's easy for me to live up to and implement because it's truly the standard where discipline it bleeds into other areas. Like, do I break discipline on the weekend often? A hundred percent I do. Yeah, you know what? I own it. How human are you? I own it. Does that change my standard for myself as a person? I don't think it does, right? It doesn't, but that's where I land. And you know, I'm you probably viewers probably know those people where you've seen them operate at a standard that's less than your standard. And people who operate, Kim, you're someone who operates at the same standards I have, and I think we're in business that raises up the whole appeal of being in the business for me. It raises up the potential of the business because we know what the standard is and we don't fall below it.

SPEAKER_01 6:21

You know, one of the things that's so interesting is we're talking about standards in business. I think we have such high standards in our business. And one of the things personally, and I want to pull this in personally that I'm working on, and you know, Kyle knows this at length, but really part of what we're doing within Lumina Legacy and kind of our trajectory of our own education, for me, right now I'm a certified personal, uh, a professional certified coach through the International Coach of uh Coaching Federation and in pursuit of my master coach certification, which is really cool. And that's just the next level. And that's we're kind of kind of always, you know, what where can we be elevating? Where can we be raising our standard? Where can we be holding the standard? And one of the things that I'm really appreciating about the the nuances of going from professional certified coach to a master certified coach is the ability of you knowing thyself. And that that's been the greatest thing for me. So I'm like, okay, so my standards are really high business-wise. They're super high. They're also very high personally. I actually have a very, I really do love taking care of myself. I love being a great mom. Like there are things that I have such high standards in, you know, my families are my high values. But recently I'm I'm becoming a I'm gonna do a half marathon. Here's the thing that's so interesting for me. And so like I've played collegiate soccer. Like I was on, like I played soccer. I ran, I was an outside left mid. You are running, okay? And then I was a forward, an outside left forward. Like I was the left wing, and that was constantly running. But where do we we at what point in our life do we tell ourselves we're not a runner? Right. At some point, I started deciding that my I don't run. You know, I'm a walker or whatever that is. So I I use this example, and here's here's a reason. So I actually kind of said on uh on social media, I said, you know, okay, I I'm I've almost talked myself out of running this half marathon that's, you know, seven months out of training. And I was like, oh, my ankles get cold, it's freezing. I'm run, it's uncomfortable, which requires a different level of discipline. So I, you know, I post it out there. I'm like, you know what? I can do this. I've I put the lion back in the cage that was scaring me because sometimes our standards get wrinkled or ruffled when we're scared and it feels uncomfortable. And it's like, what's this gonna ask of me? And I had a really an awesome human comments on one of on that post, and and it was really important what she said. She's a marathon runner, and she said, Okay, what a goal. Now it's time for you to put in the work. And I was like, Gulp. Because I was like, okay, so my standard now needs to be. So if you've got a goal or you've got a huge new business you want to build, or you want to launch something, you want to run a half marathon that feels uncomfortable in these achy legs. Like I'm already like, oh, these hips don't move like they did. Anyway, you know, but am I telling myself that, or what am I gonna do to become that be the standard that I have the discipline, I have the boundary, I can work that hard. It was a little bit of like a knock because I know it was coming of like better get to work. Like, let's see how bad you really want it. But that was good for me last week because I was like, oh, I've been negotiating against a standard of me being a high-level executive athlete. I'm ready to do this and I'm willing to put in the work. And I almost talked myself out of my standard of like, it's okay, no one will know that I don't run the marathon.

SPEAKER_00 9:39

Really?

SPEAKER_01 9:40

Oh, oh, I was close this close. And then I was like, Okay, well, I'm glad you didn't do that.

SPEAKER_00 9:44

Because um, like standards, standards to me are your public record. So we talked about when we were first sort of forming Lumina Legacy or even deciding if it would be a thing. I saw your standards on display for writing that exam, studying hard, writing the exam, and ensuring you passed. Yes. And that was your public record to be. It was your forward-facing identity. And I, you know, advice for anybody listening or watching, like, think about. I probably have 20 years of my public record being like, if he says he's gonna be there, he's gonna be there. And in business, like, how important like that's the most important thing.

SPEAKER_01 10:32

I know.

SPEAKER_00 10:32

I can think of a few colleagues I have where I'm probably at 33% if they tell me I'm gonna be there at this time, that I will even hear from them the day before to say, hey, I can't do this anymore. I've I have a couple meetings that I'm on the highway thinking, when am I gonna get the text that says can't do it today, something's come up. I don't forget about that. Yes, yeah. And I so I always look at myself the same way because I'm thinking every one of my clients, if they can rely on my standards, how will I ever go out of business?

SPEAKER_01 11:14

Right. That's powerful. That's a great question. It's like firstly, and you had to decide that's what you're gonna rely on first, that's right, and that'll be the ripple. And that's a that's a great takeaway. That's also embedded in who you are, that's in how you represent, that's in what you do, that's in high having high expectations of yourself. Yes, which then, and then the other thing that's so neat about that is that once you have high standards, the discipline actually just falls into line.

SPEAKER_00 11:37

Exactly. Yeah, right? It's hard, yeah. Discipline will follow those standards with ease because that anxiety starts to enter my frame of reference when I'm like, this isn't up to my standard. I love that. And I think maybe the discipline is noticing that something's not living up to your standards and changing it.

SPEAKER_01 11:58

Also having a high level of awareness, you know, we talk a lot about that. You know, you'll you'll hear us reference some of those core competencies. Like when we think about coaching and the coaching world, it's like awareness and evoking awareness not only in the people that you're around and the clients that you might serve, but also in yourself. So it's that question of, you know, like, are you committed to challenging yourself or are you committed to being more comfortable? And that's a great indication, even every week, when you look at the schedule. Did this challenge me this week? Did this keep me comfortable? Does this keep me caged? You know, did the to the am I am I keeping someone that's employed that is actually not moving the business because it's more comfortable to avoid the conflict? Right. Again, that comes down to the standard and what you're willing to accept. You teach people what to they what you tolerate, you teach people.

SPEAKER_00 12:48

Back to comfort. I can't be truly comfortable unless I'm thinking about how successful my standards have been for the last five days. Like if I want the sixth day to be the day of rest or the seventh, yes, I'm super comfortable if I know I lived up to my standards. But if I start with the comfort on Monday, I'll never be truly comfortable. I will always be anxious. Yeah. And I can only have things flow in that order, and that helps me truly live up to my standards and truly be comfortable when it's time to be comfortable.

SPEAKER_01 13:25

I love that so much. And one of the things that's so important that comes down to your routines and your rhythms. Like it was easy for me at one point. I was like, oh, you know what? I don't have this meeting till then. I'm gonna get this done. I'm gonna so I got in this micro habit for about a week where I'm like, oh, I'm gonna enjoy that hot cup of coffee before I get the workout done. Well, guess what? The couch sucked me in. I was stuck and wedged in between my two dogs. And I was like, this is so comfortable. It was comfortable. And I was like, you know, one of the things I've decided is I'm like, you get up and you move your body. Like, just for me, that's just one thing that I'm like, that's a non-negotiable and a standard because I know myself. I want to work at three in the afternoon. I don't want to be going to the workout or, you know, whatever that is later. I want to make sure that I'm maximizing my day. And you just mentioned it, right? It's like if you start Monday morning comfortable, it's gonna seep into the week. And so unless you're on vacation and that's a vacation week and it's special, you know, it's it's something that you can really audit your schedule. And that really does show you whether or not you're negotiating against your standards. And and it's it's it takes work, it takes effort. Like self-talk is real and and giving yourself there's I saw this real, whereas the a boyfriend blaring this music to his girlfriend and she was like fast asleep. It was like 5:55. It was like, you we're not mediocre. We get up because no one else, everyone else is sleeping and we're awake. And it was just this rap. I just completely ruined it. But it the point of it was like getting her excited about jumping out of bed and like get, you know, we aren't not that not that if you sleep in 07, you're mediocre, but in their world, that doesn't that doesn't align with their standard. So you just have to be like, who am I and what's my standard? And that's it. So there's no guilt or shame here. It's just what's your standard, what's your discipline, what do you want to show up like, and how's that gonna feel for you?

SPEAKER_00 15:09

Back to the stone age, humans' standards drove you to survive. And today we were talking about industrial complex just before we started filming. Like the more comfortable you are as a human, the better consumer you are for everybody else who's producing a product or a service. You you the most comfortable bed is advertised on TV. The most comfortable. Imagine your life if you were part of this vacation timeshare. Yeah, how comfortable can we make everything for you? And I think it's important to remember like, hey, I'm starting to feel hungry. It's not just walk to the fridge. Like, remember that time in human history where it was like, I gotta do this for myself, just because this is available through Matt's market, and I can just walk to the fridge, make a grilled cheese or whatever, you know. Think about that time in in humanity where it was like this is on me. I gotta make this happen for myself. And if I have kids and I have a wife or a partner, and we all need food, this is on me. And I this is my standard to make sure these people are all fed. And if it's hard, it's hard. There was nothing comfortable about that time. And I think a lot of people could use framing life that way today. Just because everything's really comfortable and right there at your fingertips, remember that edge and think, what would Crow Magnon Kyle do?

SPEAKER_01 16:41

You know one of the things that you know, just the last thing I want to kind of end on with that point is we're in training. You're in training for life. And when it you live in comfort, you slip out of training. And, you know, one of the things, one of the things that's important to remember is like the more you sweat in in training, the less you bleed in more. And I love that's a Robin Sharmaism, and he says it all the time. It's like the the the more you sweat in training, the less you'll bleed in more. And that is life right now. Like, are you in training? Are you sweating? Are you are you in the trenches? Are you holding your standards? Are you holding the vision? Are you building the trust? Because if you're not foraging and foraging for your fish to eat at night, it's like it's you're we're just gonna be comfortable. And that's the question is do you want to be comfortable?

SPEAKER_00 17:36

A lot of times on this show, we come back to legacy. It's the title of the podcast. And standards are way high on the list for me in terms of defining a legacy because I know there's three people in my home who watch my standards every day. Yeah, and I I think I've done a good job of not preaching the standard, but showing the standard, and that is legacy, and we're continuing to identify it. I love that about this show. And I just made it sound like this is the end of the show. I don't know whether it is, but like how it's your legacy. I know your standards on public display.

SPEAKER_01 18:19

I know, and I think that's part of it. It's I remember when Tess was like, Tess said to me, She's like, Mommy, she's like, I want to be a stay-at-home mom just like you.

SPEAKER_00 18:27

Danger.

SPEAKER_01 18:28

It was the best thing ever. You know why? Let me explain what I mean by that. Yeah, my high standard is that my children know that they can have me when they need me.

SPEAKER_00 18:38

Right. Got you. You're ever present even though you're not.

SPEAKER_01 18:41

And I I I we run a lot of businesses. We're doing a lot of things over here. But I'm but I'm a stay-at-home mom. And I'm like, I have I that was a that was a that was a that was a home run. Yeah. And so sweet. You know, it's like that to me is like the standard of knowing like you can run a really beautiful productive business and you can be an amazing parent, and you can be a good friend, and you can be all those things. You can. And that to me is legacy.

SPEAKER_00 19:09

Do you know what you just summed up? Your standards have delivered that comfort. And the comfort is your kids thinking it's you make it look easy through your standards. Yeah. But comfort will never deliver standards. It never flows the other direction. So if you start with the standards, you can reach a life where it's comfortable to you on the sixth and seventh day, and it looks super comfortable to everyone around you who says, Wow, he or she is really managing this because it's easy because it's how you live.

SPEAKER_01 19:44

It's who you become.

SPEAKER_00 19:45

That's right.